/24 July 2000
AOL 56 1/8 (- 4 5/8), TWX 80 3/4 (- 6 3/4), SPLN 16 (- 3/4 -
last year this week 28 7/8)
Hey, Larry Musso, your gold glitter is the COOLEST! Zach Arnold told me PERSONALLY how jealous he was of your yahoolery! When E.C. gets his ECW report together, I'm sure you'll get a mention over there, too, but really I'm the one who needs to bust out the public "thanks" and so I am. Thanks.
That reminds me - I need a vidcap from "ECW on TNN" last Friday - can anybody hook me up? Hey oursocalledsport.com guys - don't you OWE me? (Just kidding - kinda)
Say, what's the 411 on Hyatte's return this week? (clever plug - if you can't figure it out, write me and I'll tell you - oh, and personal to Hyatte - send me the links this week, wouldja?)
Okay, that's all the tangents for now.
Oh yeah, one more thing...hey Scott! 10 out of 10? Did they legalise drugs in your country or something?
WCW logo - orange you glad I didn't say banana?
PYRO! WE ARE LIVE 24.7.2K from the TV-14-DL CSU Convocation Centre in Cleveland, OH for this close captioned edition of TNT's WCW MONDAY NITRO!
LANCE STORM is gonna start it right off. But first, a brief pause to encourage booing. "Now that I am the Canadian Heavyweight Champion...I think it appropriate you all rise for my national anthem." The first guy to talk over the anthem is ... SHAAAAAAME, Tony Schiavone! A giant Canadian flag gently lowers from the rafters (how OFFENSIVE!) behind Storm. All three commentators yak over the anthem, which goes the full (1:15). Storm looks from side to side. "If I could be serious for a second...I'm a little upset at the lack of respect you have been showing me! I would have thought - with no recognisable heroes of your own anymore, you would jump to support a role model such as myself. It is not my fault that the moral standards in your country are at an all time low. It is not my fault that all great wrestling champions come from Canada. Don't blame us - blame yourself. And Mike Awesome, August 13th, New Blood Rising, you find oot how great I am, 'cause I will be at my best for the Canadian crowd, and to stay at my best, I need a warmup match, so if there's anyone in the back that wants to go back to wrestling school, I'm ready to put on a clinic. Get me somebody out here!" Here comes...BIG VITO. For the however many times it's been since he started doing it-th time, the music cuts before Vito gets a chance to even START saying "La Maestro, la musica please." They've NEVER gotten that right since he started doing it. Vito looks like an IDIOT, EVERY time he tries to get the music guy to cut his music in Italian because it's ALWAYS stopped BEFORE he STARTS. EVERY time. All these capitals letters are for EMPHASIS. Somebody print this out and hand it to that crack "we're spending lots of money improving" production staff. Continuing on... "...hey you Canadian (something), you wanna call somebody out? I got the biggest grapefruits in the back, and everybody knows you can't kick my ass, so how 'bout a free fight, right now, because you SUCK!" "Hey, Vito, I do this for a living. This belt's on the line - how 'bout yours." "Hey, leave that there, ok? Hey Storm, you know what? I'm gonna put my title on the line - you know what? 'Cause yours don't mean..." and then he says something presumably in Italian that sounds like "Gotch," but I'm sure it isn't, but if I don't qualify all this, you'll write and tell me what it means, and I don't want to know from hundreds of you, and gosh it SUCKS to get all this email when people always bitch that THEY don't get ENOUGH mail, so maybe you should mail THEM instead. Whew!
LANCE STORM v. BIG VITO, title for title - anyway, Storm pastes him and it's on - three stomps, right, into the ropes, reversed, Japanese arm drag by Vito, scoop - and a slam, clothesline, the jacket's off, the title's off, Vito with a right, open-handed slap, slap, into the opposite corner is reversesd, Vito up and over, but Storm takes him down with a leg lariat. Elbowdrop. Kick, into the opposite corner - Vito dumps him on the turnbuckle. Slap, in the corner, working the body, kicking away. Vito brings in the pylon and bat. Another stomp for Storm - pylon in position - whack! Vito going out to look for a table. And here's one. Vito advances on Storm - Storm dumps him to the outside, and follows. Head to the barricade. Vito with a shot to the Ca'nads. Right hand, climbing to the top, Storm over with a right, right, they trade blows, Storm to the groin - climbing up to the top to meet him - superplex coming up! 1, 2, Vito kicks out! Vito comes back with forearms...off the ropes, Storm ducks, waistlock, rollup - beautiful bridge - but only 2. Small package for 2. Storm puts him in the ropes, reversed, hiptoss attempt fails. Vito laces the arms and hits a nice butterfly suplex. Vito to the top...Savage elbow! 1, 2, JOHNNY ACE! Into the ropes, gutshot, jumping DDT. Leg hooked but no press, 1, 2, JOHNNY ACE! Blame the arrogant cover. Vito goes out for the kendo stick. Storm manages a drop toehold, but Vito still whacks him one in the head with the stick. Storm with a superkick - Vito with a Mafia kick - waistlock, but Storm drops and rolls Vito into the Canadian Maple Leaf! Vito reaches for the bottom rope....Storm pulls him away. Vito taps. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new Hardcore champion. (3:32) By the pay-per-view, we should expect Storm to have ALL the belts.
Meanwhile, Booker T. is WALKING!
New Blood Rising promo
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (Savage), Judge Wapner's
cash scam, America (ha!) Online, and Motel 6 7/8
BOOKA T. is on his way out. Let Us Take You Back to Thunder as Jarrett swung a guitar - gee, that's a new one. "Before I get started, I just wanna say a little something to each and every one of you fans here. You know, ever since I won the world heavyweight title, each and every one of you people have supported me - and I want to say I thank you very, very much. Unlike the guys that came before me, I realise one thing. If it wasn't for you, Booker T. would not be the world's heavyweight champion. And now, let's get down to business. Jeff Jarrett...the Chosen Scum, #1 player hata, runnin' around the back talkin' about Booker. Booker this, Booker that, Booker got the belt and I don't. Jeff Jarrett, I say to you, save that drama fer yo momma. You know, between now and New Blood Rising, you can do whatever you wanna do, you can run around cryin' like a little baby all you want, but ain't nothing gonna change, at New Blood Rising, I'm gonna take you to school, and I want you to remember one thing, Jeff - and make no mistake about it - don't hate the player, hate the game." $OLDBERG is out with music and without pyro. "You know, Book - Book, I never really had a problem with you, brother - until last Monday night, when you stuck your nose into my business, and you had the nerve to put your hands on me. Now let me remind you that a couple weeks ago you made a promise to these glorious fans. Booker T. promised you guys that every Monday night he'd be puttin' that belt up. It's Monday night, Book! And you're lookin' at your partner for this evening. So we can have that dance together, tonight - 'cause you're next - and there ain't a damn thing..." he pulls the mic away "...that you can do about it." "If you want it (pointing to the fans), you got it." "You KNOW I want it--" but the CAT is out in three piece suit. "Now, wait a minute Goldberg, I'M the boss. You work for me. Now, yes, Booker T did say they he'll put that title on the line every Monday night...but YOU don't choose the person he gon' face. And Booker T. since you cause your - since you call yourself the People's champion, we gon' let the fans decide who you'll face tonight." Fans chant "Goldberg." "So...so, for the next hour, you fans can vote on who Booker T'll face on wcw.com. So let me tell you, Goldberg, if the fans wanna see you and Booker T get it on, they'll vote for you, but let me tell you another thing - there gonna be nine other names on that list, including...*Sting.* So, but right now I'm gonna tell you something, since I'm the boss and you work for me. I'm gon' turn my back and give you five seconds to get the hell out this ring. Now, if I turn back around and you're still in this ring, lessee, number one I may fire you, I may suspend you, I may just kick your ass myself." Goldberg decides not to wait for him to turn around, and grabs him in a choke. Booker decides to throw some elbows and make a save. WCW SECURITY comes out to separate the champ and Goldberg. Cat isn't done. "Wait a minute, wait! Let me tell you something, Goldberg - Goldberg, you don't EVER put your hands on me, you hear me? Don't you ever touch me! I owe you one! Payback is a mother!" Goldberg's music plays. Hey, you know on the West Coast our votes won't count for SQUAT - assuming we even GET a chance to vote. Wahhhh wah wah wah wah wah.
This portion of Monday Nitro is brought to you by Western Union Money Transfer!
Moments Ago - two paragraphs ago
Your hosts TONY SCHIAVONE & SCOTT HUDSON are joined by BILLY KIDMAN. Schiavone says that between now and 9, you can get onto wcw.com and vote for the world title opponent. All this dead time must be so we all can get to the website. Here are the ten names: Goldberg, Sting, Billy Kidman, Lance Storm, Mike Awesome, Positively Kanyon, Buff Bagwell, The Franchise, Stevie Ray and Vampiro. My money's on Stevie Ray! Kidman says he's out to bring a very birthday gift to Torrie Wilson - a videotape of him and her engaging in "extracurricular activities."
MISS HANCOCK & DAVID FLAIR v. MAJ. GUNNS & LT. LOCO - Let Us Take You Back to Thunder where Hancock and Gunns had some problems, leading to a challenge for an ROTC (rip off the consumers - I mean, camoflauge) match at the pay-per-view.
New stipulation: it's a "Boot Camp" match - and
it'll take place in a mud pit. In coming weeks, I expect Rhonda Sing to be
announced special guest referee, and Mike Awesome can hit on her. It's
Russotastic. Worst match in the history of Nitro follows, not entirely
because of the action, but because of inane commentary by Kidman describing
his sex tape, compounded by the fattest big man on television attempting to
sound spontaneous when making jokes about Kidman's descriptions of his sex
tape. Gunns pins Hancock. (2:36) While Flair and
Gunns revives Loco...no, she doesn't - Hancock grabs her by the hair - now
Flair's got her - copped a good feel, too - and Hancock rips off Gunns'
shirt. Why this is so devastating, I don't know, since Gunns *voluntarily*
removes the shirt every show anyway. Loco somehow came to on his own, and
decks Flair as Hancock rolls out. Loco clothesline him out of the ring and
"Not Edwin K. Starr" plays again as Gunns suddnely remembers "Hey, wait a
minute - I LIKE showing off my tits!" If you took a drink every time
Kidman said "that's on the tape," you'd be dead right now.
In the Cat's office, Jarrett interrupts Cat's phone call with Ben E. King and demands his title shot tonight. Cat says it's up to the fans tonight, and if he doesn't like it, he can take his banjo and leave. Cat roughs up the objects on Cat's desk with his guitar. Cat says he'll give him a title shot...against Kronic. Jarrett puts his hands on Cat, and Cat tells him not to do that again, else he'll be suspended for thirty days without pay.
PAMELA PAULSHOCK talks with Sting, who says he'd really like to be voted in to take the title - and regardless of what the booking committee says...the mask is coming off TONIGHT!
Vampiro T-shirt ad - buy it when you feel like JOBBING
Promotional consider paid for by Corn Nuts, Motel 6 7/8 (2), Targon (and Torgo), and America (ha! 2) Online
MIKE TENAY stands with Goldberg - he's sure that he'll be the choice of the fans - but if, for some reason, he's not...the man that *is* picked will leave the arena in a body bag.
Meanwhile, Adams tells Clark that it's time to go...but we hear a sound not unlike the first beginning of Jarrett's music - the WHACK of a gee-tar being smashed over somebody's head. We look in - and see Clark face down with a guitar corpse on the floor. Oh, look, they have a T-shirt. "Adams & Clark are Token Champions." Get It? HAAAAAhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Ha.
WCW WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET v. KRONIC in a handicap match - we learn that WCW.com is experiencing "record volume" - it's all those people DEMANDING STEVIE RAY!! FROOT BOOTY!! FROOT BOOTY! FROOT BOOTY! Adams appears...still looking back for Clark. Geez, you'd think he would have gone back to look for him by now. Well, looks like a singles match as Adams hits the ring - right, right, Jarrett it control, right, head to the buckle, uppercut, off the ropes, clothesline, Adams to one knee - Adams ducks the next clothesline - tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Off the ropes with a right - cover - 2. Into the ropes, reversed, head down - Adams with a *piledriver.* 1, 2, foot on the rope! Jarrett rolls outside, still selling it. Man, the piledriver is such a cool move - wish they'd do it in the WWF. Adams follows him out, kick, right, up on the shoulder, but he breaks free and Adams hits the post. Head to the STEEL steps. Jarrett with a *piledriver on the floor.* Back in the ring - 1, 2, shoulder just barely up. Jarrett off the second rope with an axehandle. Off the second rope - Adams catches him. Jarrett breaks the bearhug with an eyepoke.
Into the ropes, reversed, head down, Jarrett with a DDT
- for 2. Into the opposite corner is reversed, Jarrett tries to go up and
over - but Adams waits for him - full nelson into a slam. Into the ropes,
big boot. Legdrop gets 2. Somebody owes me money! Adams puts Jarrett
into the corner with one hand - right, right, referee "Blind" Mark Johnson
interjects to tell Adams to get him out of the corner. "Discussion"
ensues, ending with Adams shoving Johnson out of the picture - while his
back is turned, Jarrett gets in a throat shot with the handle of the
guitar. Cover - 1, 2, kickout with authority! Jarrett argues with Johnson
- then eats a gutshot from Adams - press - one rep - and drop into a
gutbuster - 1, 2, shoulder barely up. Adams on the second rope - but
Jarrett avoids the knee. Here comes Clark (finally), and he's got the
remnants of the guitar with him - neck to the neck! Jarret puts down HIS
guitar and staggers as Johnson pulls away Clark's weapon. Clark with a
pumphandle - Meltdown coming up. Up...and down. Adams wants to do High
Time, but Clark says "nah, let's do something to kill him instead" - well,
I THINK he said that. They motion towards the commentary table - so the
commentators scatter. High Time through the commentary table coming up -
Johnson stands in the way and demands they don't do it. Kronic let go of
Jarrett, who runs off, and they put *Johnson* through the table. I think
that'll end it. (DQ? 5:40) Schiavone
claims "Mark Johnson is broken in
half..." I guess we should count ourselves lucky he didn't say "As God is
my witness" prior to that.
Meanwhile, Cat is trying to put together an executive rotating metal sculpture and not paying attention to the goings on in the ring - or to Vampiro, appearing in the seat in front of him. "Where did you come from man, how did you get in here? So, let me ask you something: are you crazy?" "Lemme tell ya... I........ can take care of the Great Muta. I had a problem with him last week. But Ernest, I come from the dark carnival. Let me take care of this for you." Cat actually gives the camera a look while this is going on. "Okay, wait a minute. Just calm down - come on back over here, come on. Come back over here." Cat says he's going to take care of Muta himself for spittingn the "green onion soup" in his face. Vampiro tells Cat he's the boss; let HIM do it for him - like a ninja. He can be the special referee. Cat: "You know about that ninja stuff, huh?" Vampiro delivers a spin kick that takes out the sculpture. Cat fishes out his zebra shirt and says they'll do it. Vampiro: "One Love, brotha - one love." Cat: "Lock my damn door when he gets out."
Why do they keep advertising movies with no apparent plot? "Oh, I'll go see Nutty Professor II: The Klumps because Eddie Murphy plays a gazillion characters - never mind that there's apparently NO PLOT." "Oh, I'll go see Coyote Ugly because lots of hot chicks spray booze everywhere - never mind that there's apparently NO PLOT." Jesus! At least that kid SAW DEAD PEOPLE
Close captioning where available sponsored by MEINEKE - thank God, too - I was NEVER gonna figure out "dark carnival" on my own
Pamela Paulshock tries to ask Torrie Wilson what's up with this Kidman video - Franchise removes the mic from her hands and interrogates Torrie himself. She *swears* she doesn't know what he's talking about, then switches her story. "Okay, there was that one time that...ooo!" and she stamps off. Franchise goes after her...
Current standings on the wcw.com poll - Sting is first with 35%, Goldberg has 30%, Vampiro with 10%, Lance Storm and Mike Awesome each have 6%, Buff Bagwell and Stevie Ray both have 4% (FROOT BOOTY!), Positively Kanyon and The Franchise both clock in with 2%, and Billy Kidman has 1%. Smells like a W-O-R-K to me - got one more segment to place your vote and find out!
CAT hits the ring as we Take You Back To Last Week as Muta advanced over Vampiro in the US title tourney - and then on Thunder, Muta spit the red (oops) mist in Cat's face
JOBBIN' VAMPIRO (with Insane Clown Posse & Demon) v. GREAT MUTA - I think PG-13 should feud with Vampiro over who gets to come to the ring to "Take It" - a song which can be found on the CD WCW Mayhem, now available for a reasonable price at all finer Salvation Army and Goodwill outlets. "Feeling out process." Muta goes to warm up his mist, but Cat steps in front of him saying he wants none o' that - Vampiro comes up from behind and delivers a kick to his back. Wha...? The ICP hit the ring and all three surround him - Cat calmly takes out both members of ICP with a simultaneous punch/kick combo. Vampiro tries a kick - Cat blocks it - Cat blocks a SECOND kick, and takes him down with a trip. Karate thrust to the 'nads. Now *Muta* kicks Cat the same way Vampiro did. Standoff...well, now Vampiro and Muta touch fingers. The ICP get back in the ring and all four men stomp on Cat. Demon comes in and staves off everybody. He picks up Cat...then hits the "Beth" on Cat. And they were worried that Muta would be booked improperly! Schiavone uses the dreaded word "swerve." Cat busts up both members of ICP after Vampiro, Muta and Demon take off - Vampiro is back to pull them away.
Cat stays in the ring as we take
several cuts between him and the folks in the aisle.
Pamela Paulshock stands with Booker T. Goldberg can cry all he wants, but tonight it's about the fans - *they're* calling the shots tonight. Doesn't matter who it is, 'cause at the end of the night there's only one man still the WCW World Heavyweight Champion - "Boo-jah! I'm gon' get witcha."
Meanwhile, Goldberg paces around. Did he get the #1 vote? Don'cha DARE switch to RAW!
See, now this "Bless the Child" ad gives us all SORTS of clues to the plot. Was that so HARD? Now, I *still* won't watch it, but at least I get some *clues*...
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: BOOKA T. (with TV-14-DLS ratings box) v. ? - Champion enters first because it's a SURPRISE - well, at least until they play the Metallica. (THIS IS) STING is announced as the opponent. Let me say this now: if it turns out to be Goldberg underneath the bandages...oh, well, no chance of that happening as $OLDBERG appears - whoops, then disappears...huh. What was THAT about. Ohhhhhhh....as if by surprise, Goldberg comes up from behind Sting just as he walks out and waffles him from behind. Geez, what a ratings coup THIS'll turn out to be, wot? Of course, you only need five minutes to register for the quarter hour...they just made it. Sting put into the barricade - there's the "I Killed Bret Hart" kick. Sting is out on the metal ramp. Booker leaves the ring and heads for Goldberg as WCW SECURITY descends on the scene. Booker and Goldberg actually get a pretty good scrap going on before the Security folk manage to insert themselves between them. Goldberg heads for the ring as EMT's arrive to stretcher out Sting. Booker helps out, and walks off with them. Goldberg has THE STICK: "You know, Booker T., they always said to be the Mean, you gotta beat the Man. Even though you got that belt, (boy), I'm STLL the Man. So come out here, so I can beat your ass!" "You want some o' me, Goldberg? You want some o' me? Well you got some o' me, 'cause you..." and it gets unintelligible with too many people talking.
WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE BOOKA T. v. $OLDBERG - they're NUTS to give this away. Oh well. Hope they didn't all change the channel before now, eh? T hits the ring and ducks a clothesline - right, right, right, into the ropes, Goldberg with a clothesline. Into the ropes, press - into a slam. T rolls outside. Referee "Blind" Mickie Jay puts on the count. Goldberg comes outside and eats a kick - whip into the STEEL steps is reversed and T hits hard. Goldberg antagonizes the commentators, then lets loose with a muted (but quite lip-readable) "fuck you." Back over to Booker T, who has bladed during this brief intermission. Put back in the ring, Goldberg keeps saying "get up, boy!" but not loudly enough for those who mute to notice, I guess. Goldberg with a cross armbreaker. For some reason, the commentators become buried in the audio mix. Not that I'm complaining...T manages to reach the bottom rope with his foot. Jay checks in on Booker, while behind his back, STEVIE RAY comes out and throws in a towel. Goldberg uses the towel in various and sundry places on his body - then throws it back at him. Suddenly, the voice of THE CAT comes over the PA, but we don't hear him. By the time they fix it, Cat's saying "it's over - you get the win! But I cannot give you the title because he didn't quit, and it wasn't a 1, 2, 3 - but it's over, Goldberg! It's over! Get him out of this ring. Stop the match, stop the match, it's over!" The bell rings (commissioner's decision? 3:03 Acid) and Goldberg expresses his displeasure by clearing the ring of SECURITY in his inimitible style. Goldberg's music plays and he strikes a pose. I thought he might attack Stevie Ray, but nope. Crowd boos - more from the no decision and non-match than the fact that Goldberg's supposed to be a heel here. Me? I think it's a bit too early for WCW to go back to promising something they can't/don't/won't deliver.
New Blood Rising promo #2
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago
Schiavone talks about the unbelievable amount of "carnage" we'd just seen - oh come on. FREAKIN' SID did more than that.
We are directed to
...where Booker demands Cat restart the match with Goldberg, or else he'll walk out of the company. Cat reluctantly complies...
BUFF DADDY BAGWELL & JUDGE JUDY BAGWELL v. "POSITIVELY" KANYON - Kanyon doesn't come out when DDP's music hits - they try a second time - nope. "Well let's hear it for DDP - thbbbbbbbbpht! Or should I say Chris Kanyon - you know what, I know Cleveland's here to see Buff Daddy no matter what! And as long as I got Judy Bagwell by my side, Chris Kanyon - your ass is mine." "Chris! Get your (chickenshit ass) out here rat now!" It's cool when old people swear. "Mother, this is TNT, you can't say that." "Marcus, I say what I wanna say. Chris, you are one son of a bitch, get your ass out here!" "Well, obviously, he's not coming, so Buff Daddy wins - let's play Buff Daddy's music one more time!" (Forfeit) Jesus Christ, *Judy Bagwell* does the pinwheel. Finally, we find out where Kanyon is as the cameraman at ringside puts his camera down and enters the ring, then takes out Buff. Judy slaps the fake wig off him - Kanyon removes his makeup to reveal that he could be anywhere...anytime...as anybody. Before he can hit the Kanyon Cutter, Buff comes to and spind him around, right, right, into the ropes, biiig back body drop. Clothesline. Pinwhell - clothesline over the top rope. Buff checks on his mother - Kanyon back in and there's a Kanyon cutter for Buff. Judy leaves the ring - Kanyon gets some sights set on her - she backs away - tries heaving shoes at him, but Kanyon figures out that after two, there probably aren't going to be any more. They go behind the curtain...
We cut backstage. "Settle down, settle down!" A lot of stuff is muted...he ends up putting her in a trunk and drives away...
Poison, Cinderella, Dokken AND Slaughter? In *2000?* Now that's just frightening!
It's a brand new 1-800-CAL-LATT Road Report! Next Monday, Nitro hits Cincy!
Buff Bagwell drives away!
Pamela Paulshock acts Billy Kidman about his match with Franchise at New Blood Rising. Kidman says that that's on the back burner - he's here to talk about the infamous video...he says everything but "stay tuned, and don't touch that dial."
FRANCHISE (with Torrie Samuda) v. "FAT CHICK THRILLER" AWESOME MULLET (with nine - err, six - THREE women) - Not exactly in the best of moods, these two are. "Cut the damn music! I'm gonna make this real short and real sweet. Torrie Wilson and I are used to the finer things in life, and since we don't count Cleveland, Ohio as one of the finger things in life, we are taking this match, we are finishing it early, Mike Awesome's going down, and we're out of this Godforsaken town." Contrary to what you may have heard, the "mullet" angle was not cut short due to anything I may have said to anybody at WCW - hey, there's an "Awesome Mullet" sign in the crowd even as we speak. It lives on, baby, it lives on. Scott would give THIS show a 10, too, right? Dare we even DREAM a match is taking place here? Here we go with the old college try: lockup, Awesome shoves him away, repeate, third verse, into the corner - referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker wants the break, and Awesome wants to give it, but Franchise reverses - Awesome ducks the attack and puts his head in the top, middle, and bottom turnbuckles for a Ten Count - nobody remembers that one, though, and they don't count along. Right, into the opposite corner is reversed, Awesome stairsteps up with no hands and hits the back elbow. Clothesline off the ropes, clothesline puts Franchise out of the ring. Oh oh - somebody said "Shane Douglas!"
Awesome hops up onto the top rope - back to the canvas,
oops - second try is more successful - flying clothesline out to the floor!
Franchise put into the barricade. ECW! ECW! ECW! Franchise put back in
- Torrie climbs on Awesome's back - then slips off. She holds onto the
ankle; Awesome shakes her off. This was just enough time for Franchise to
recover and hot shot Awesome down to the floor. Franchise back out - hard
into the barricade, right, right, right, right, back into the ring, kick to
the head, front suplex, rolling neck snap. Snapmares him over, into the
resthold. Awesome back to his feet, elbowing free, off the ropes,
Franchise buries a knee in the gut. Franchise over to climb the ropes -
Awesome beals him a la Flair. Running clothesline, there's another,
running stomp, Awesome splash - for 2. Belly-to-belly suplex - 2.
Spinebuster. Climbing the corner - Torrie again comes over and holds the
leg. Douglas has a chain around his right fist - three chain punches to
the abdomen - Franchise climbing up to the second turnbuckle...well, *now*
the NitroVision comes alive with *the tape.* Kidman, wearing a towel,
jumps into bed and pulls the covers over himself and Torrie. *Wow.*
Anyway, everyone sits spellbound by this - except Awesome, who tosses
Franchise into the centre of the ring, steals the dumbbell and waffles
Franchise with it (camera completely misses it) - and covers. Tucker tears
himself away for a 1, 2, 3 (5:18) and we see
KIDMAN at the entryway
with a pair of undies in tow. Torrie walks off after him - and we
completely miss, in the ring, LANCE
STORM come in and attempt to get some
shots in on Awesome, his PPV opponent. Awesome hits an Awesomebomb and
lays him out. Now bring on the fat chicks!
New Blood Rising promo #3
Franchise beats up a crew member for playing the video
BILLY KIDMAN is out yet again. "Franchise, you're doing a good job beatin' up all the technicians back there, but you really think I'm that stupid not to make extra copies? I made enough copies for everybody in the crowd, and all the boys in the back! And Madden, I got a special copy for you. So Franchise, keep it in mind, everybody's enjoying your woman right now."
In a dressing room, the Jung Dragons enjoy the video.
Meanwhile, Kiwi takes pause of his ironing to notice something interesting in the video.
Finally, we cut to Franchise in the truck, who promises to break him in half - he's a dead man.
Back to our commentary crew, who vamp a bit
And now we see WHY they're killing time - the "Caged Heat in a Cell" cage is slowly lowering. Coming up is a tag team match - the last team to escape is cut out of the four corners match for the tag team titles at New Blood Rising...
RAYMOND STEREO & DE JUICY ONE (with Konnan and Tygryss) v. PERFECT EVENT v. GEN. RECTION & CPL. CAJUN v. MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE in Caged Heat - there's a nice "top corner of the cage" camera, but we certainly don't want to use it more than two or three seconds at a time...Pier Eight brawl punctuated by phrases from Konnan like "Mexican Strategy" and "Higher Learning." The whoosh logo makes its second appearance - 20 Days Away, you know.
They sure are paying Konnan a lot to be a crappy colour
commentator. Jindrak & O'Haire are shoved out by the Animals - Konnan says
they know who they want to face at the pay-per-view and it's intentional.
Why THEY didn't go out right after them is beyond me. Tygress: "That's my
baby!" Oh SHUT UP. Perfect Event take off. Back in the ring, Gen.
Rection is on the top turnbuckle, but Guerrera crotches him - he's tied in
the Tree of Woe, and in perfect position for a bronco buster. Perfect
Event are back out, and locking the cage. Konnan says he just happens to
have some bolt cutters. The MIA try to get ou, but the door's locked.
Sign: "WE'RE TAPING RAW" The Animals go under the ring to find a ladder as
appears on top of the cage and punches a hole in the roof.
Mysterio and Guerrera take the ladder to the Misfits, then start the climb.
Mysterio with a ladder guillotine to Cajun while Guerrera hits...something
the camera doesn't catch. We ALMOST miss Mysterio's move, as the director
decided we'd rather see Inferno on top of the cage. Rection comes to and
knocks down Guerrera, then tosses Mysterio on top of him. Rection climbing
the ladder - Disco decides to try to stomp on him - Rection makes it up top
and punches away - Mysterio is out on top. Next man out will win it -
Guerrera heads for the door, Konnan having cut off the lock. Rection with
the double noggin knocker on Mysterio and Inferno. Meanwhile, Cajun hits a
tope through the ropes - he AND Guerrera spill out the door. Commentators
are incredibly confused, but it seems that "being on top of the cage"
doesn't necessarily equal "escape," and this match.....continues. Konnan
and Guerrera set up a table - Cajun comes to and beats up both of them -
then places Guerrera on the table as Rection thinks about splashing him
from the top of the cage. Mysterio punks him from behind, relieving
everyone. Inferno tries to punch Rection, then goes down to HIS punches.
Konnan & Guerrera put Cajun through the table. Rection and Mysterio are
climbing back down the ladder...Rection shoves the ladder away, Mysterio
swings from the cage roof, boots him in the head, then tries a
Frankensteiner - but Rection just powerbombs him down instead. Rection
falls out the door and wow, isn't it great that after all that - there's NO
change in the tag team title match at the
Backstage, Stevie Ray tells his brother that he's not thinking straight. Booker says "this one's for the people."
Vampiro T-shirt ad #2
When we come back, Stevie Ray catches up to Goldberg and asks him to let it go. Goldberg gives him a sucker punch, into a door - and through a window!
Whoops, that was a thirty second segment - what is this, ECW?
In case you missed it, buried in the middle of that five minutes of ads was this bit we've helpfully replayed for you here - labeled "Moments Ago" - here's a super-slo-mo of the plate window run - Jannetty was better.
'Neath the watchful eye of the TV-14-DLS ratings box, Booker T.
watches his brother loaded into an ambulance.
$OLDBERG v. BOOKA T. for the World Heavyweight championship in a return screwjob - T sneaks up behind him in mid-entrance and...wow, SLAPS him in the back! With BOTH palms! Brutal! Right, right, into the barricade is reversed, Goldberg with a kick, right, right, into the ring. T pops up and gives Goldberg the axe kick as he tries to come in. Stomp, stomp, right, into the corner, Goldberg puts up the boot. Spear - no, running clothesline. Why didn't he spear him? Oh well. Into the ropes, duck, Goldberg catches him as he tries the flying jalapeno, puts him on his shoulder, and slams him down. T repeatedly punches the cut on T's head. JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out with a chair - what, he ran out of guitars? - and there's a shot for Goldberg. Oh, this is an "Anything Goes" match - that's how referee "Blind" Mickie Jay can ignore this. Goldberg pops up and spears Jarrett. CAT is out, still clad in his referee shirt. He *clocks* Goldberg with a Feliner, and follows it up with the badmouth. Goldberg throws a right to the Cat, shuttin' him up. T with a Harlem sidekick. Book End! 1, 2, 3. (2:29) Goldberg shakes it off *immediately*, then spears him. SECURITY is out, but they won't stop him from hitting the jackhammer on the champ. Goldberg goes ahead and takes out security - keeping his right wrist close to him...hmmm.....whoops, our five minutes is up. G'night!
Stand by for "The Rescue!"