OTHER STUFF: Quick Stanislaus County Fair results (6 August 2000 - Turlock, CA) - Thunderfoot Charlie Norris p Doink the Clown (8'50" Thunderfoot -> pin), The Hollywood Brat Cheryl Russa DDQ Tammy Storm (7'18"), George "the Animal" Steele p "Mr. Fantastic" Tommy Rogers (3'04" spike to the throat), World Midget Champion Beautiful Bobby D p Little Kato (14'54" top rope splash), Tito Santana (with Jimmy Snuka) b Big Ron Harris (with Heavy D Harris) (9'58" ref reverses decision), Hacksaw Jim Duggan p Meng (7'41" three point stance clothesline) - I think this troupe is hitting a few more county fairs here and there - go ahead and check 'em out if they're in your neck of the woods; it's a great old school time. If you're REALLY hard up for show results, I can go into more detail about this card, but you better be ready with a big-time bribe or something. Oh, by the way, Duggan was announced as "current WCW Television Champion," for whatever that's worth...

QUICK QUOTES: AOL 53 (- 1/4), TWX 76 5/16 (- 3/8), SPLN 17 1/2 (+1 3/4 - last year this time--whoa, 17 1/2)

TV-14-DL ratings box - close captioned logo - Let's Take a Special Video Look at Goldberg, Nash and Steiner

I GET LETTERS: Hey.

Just a thought, as I watch the opening of Nitro. It's all about Steiner, Goldberg, and Nash, and the very 'real' atmosphere swirling around all three. The 'real' comments in shoot interviews, the 'real' fighting, and as you say, 'the real realness of it all.''

So I realize what they're building to - in yet another WCW Celebrity moment, they're going to have Sammy Sosa as the special guest referee!

Every few moments, he'll stop in awe of the action, stare at the camera, and murmur: "Eeet's soo reeeeal!"'

Creed

Earlier Today, Scott Steiner pummeled a cameraman in between bouts of WALKING!

Meanwhile, Earlier Today, Kevin Nash was WALKING!

Looking live, Bill Goldberg is WALKING! He asks Dillinja if Nash is around, and Doug nods.

WE ARE LIVE from the NoCoke Center in Denver, CO and lookit the pyro...and mud pit...it's 7.8.2K and it's time, once again, to click over to TNT and endure two hours... of...WCW Monday Nitro!

JUNG DRAGONS (already in the ring) v. THE PAINT JOBBERS - Let Us Take You Back to Last Monday where Sting was placed in a burning sarcophagus. Before the match even begins, JOBBED TO DAVID ARQUETTE comes out to take fourth headset and tell us how excited he is to be a part of the upcoming Tank Abbott/3 Count project. Jamiesan hits a great somersault plancha over the ringpost and the corner onto Demon and Vampiro. Oh, there's a ladder in the ring. Kaz on top - this ladder looks legitimately about twelve feet high. Instead of diving, the ladder starts to push the other way when he leans forward, so he kinda just falls flat on the canvas instead. That was SICK. Demon tosses Yang outside, then tosses the ladder outside the ring - no need for any more near death experiences tonight. Sunday, it's a double ladder match betwixt the Dragons and 3 Count - I wonder how Evan Karagias' ankle is doing. I wonder if the bookers care how his ankle is doing. A gold record and a recording contract will hang from the ceiling. Does this sound like a match you would want to pay for? Let's flash ahead - Muta with the dragon screw legwhip on Yang, into the anklelock but Jamiesan and Kaz make the save with a double dropkick to the seated Muta. Everybody's in. Vampiro spikes Jamiesan with the Nail in the Coffin while Demon takes out Kaz with the "God Gave Rock and Roll to You." With those two removed, Yang attempts a comeback with the walking backflip on Muta...but charges right into the green mist. Bodyslam by Muta. Vampiro holding referee "Blind" Charles Robinson in position as if to say, "hey, check this out - somebody in my posse is gonna actually score a pinfall!" and Muta moonsaults Yang for the 1, 2, 3. (5:04) Almost immediately the lights go out and Metallica starts playing. (THIS IS) STING appears and takes his bat to all three guys, completely nullifying the won they just got. Wow, we just buried SIX guys! This is WCW! For an encore, Sting will speak. "Well that's three out of four - the Stinger came to Nitro tonight lookin' for a fight! One more on the list...because it's showtime, folks! Goldberg, I'm not leaving this ring until you get out here!" Tony starts wailing about something happening backstage between Kevin Nash and Goldberg but we're not interested in that - it's time for DJ Ran to spin some tunes while we go to the first set of commercials!

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (Savage), Judge Wapner's Cash Scam, Motel 6 7/8, and America (ha!) Online. Can you BELIEVE I've used some of these same smartass advertiser nicknames for OVER TWO YEARS?!? Consistency is the key to audience rapport, friends...consistency is the key to audience rapport. That, and repeating things very slowly for emphasis. Ah, yes. Repeating things very slowly for emphasis.

During the Break, security pulled apart Goldberg, Nash, and Steiner. Even the cops got involved! Oooh!

Sting regarded all this on the big screen...then decided to leave the ring. At this point, the siren started up and out walked WHITE THUNDER with a big pipe. "Hey Sting! I heard you're lookin' for Goldberg! Well, I'm lookin' for Nash, but right now you happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, so now you gotta figure out a way to get this pipe out of your (ass), 'cause I'm about to sh(ove it), you got that boy? You got that boy? Then he runs at him, puts the pipe in the ribs, clotheslines him, misses sandwiching him on the post, then puts him in the ring and whacks him mit his own bat. Steiner gets muted again while laying on the badmouth.

Wanna win a trip to Vegas to see WCW Halloween Havoc? Log on to wcw.com. NOW! Also, don't miss the TNT Original Movie "Witchblade." It's just like the Matrix! I think that's what they wanted me to think.

COMMISSIONER CAT hits the ring in black suit, black shirt and white tie. The boy's a timebomb! "Okay, since I'm the commissioner [thanks, we forgot], I'm gonna take control of this show tonight, right now. Goldberg - Nash - if either one of you jackasses do anything to mess up my show tonight, I'm not gonna send you home, because somebody in the office might pay you. [Oooh, insider reference!] But what I'm gonna do - I'm gonna send your asses ja- straight to jail. I'm gonna have both of you chumps put away for the night, you hear me? And now, for you, Big Poppa Dump, you know I hate yo ass - you just make me so mad, but I'm gonna tell you, every time I see you, you got that damn pipe in your hand, like you're a big man. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do tonight, since you love that pipe. I'm gonna put that pipe in the centre of the ring, and hang it from a pole, and we gonna have a pipe on a pole match. And I know I wanna see it, and I know these fans wanna see it. We gonna see you get yo' ass WHIPPED! So tonight, I'm gonna put you in that pipe on a pole match with you....and Sting - RIGHT here in this damn ring! So now, if you people can sit your asses down, I want the people in the back to hit my music, 'cause I feel like dancing - hit my music!" But it's not his music...it's LANCE STORM's. "Hey Commissioner - since you're out here booking matches, why don't you book me the match I deserve? The match Canadian fans wanna see. The match these American fans are afraid of! Book me a World Title match wth Booker T, so that I can become the first ever Grand Slam champion." "Okay, now just wait a minute, wait a minute. I want you to tell your Canadian fans to kiss my American ass! But, but, you know, hey, I'm a tell you what, I'm gonna let the American fans choose if they wanna see you tonight in a match with Booker T!" Fans boo. "So...wait a minute...I wanna see Booker T kick your Canadian ass all over this place! So hey, chump - do you people wanna see Booker T whip that ass? Now, wait a minute, I got one more thing - we have spoken!" Cat's music plays - and he dances.

Your hosts include TONY SCHIAVONE & SCOTT HUDSON. They are joined by BILLY KIDMAN, who says that he hasn't been very nice to Torrie Wilson as of late - it got way too personal, and by way of apology, he declares tonight "Torrie Appreciation Night." There'll be more from him later.

WCW WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: KRONYKK v. MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE - Let Us Take You Back One Week where the illegal whined about the ref counting a fall for the legal man. This match, apparently, is a result of the continuing argument from last week. PERFECT EVENT come out to provide guest commentary, run their one note ("Tony Jabrone") into the ground, and possibly run in later. High Time on Jindrak - O'Haire saves at 2. Clark with the Meltdown on Jindrak - O'Haire saves at 2. Seantonbomb on Clark - for 2. Oy.

Promotional consideration paid for by Disney's "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: the Adventure Begins," Corn Nuts, America (ha! again) Online, Motel 13 3/4, and Wizards of the Coast's Nitro Trading Card Game!

Hey, look, there's the mud pit again.

General Rection addresses the troops - their mission tonight is to walk around looking for the Filthy Animals, and return the belts to Kronic. Gunns says something about Hancock and the mud and nakedness - I dunno, it all reduces to an annoying buzz when you stop paying attention...

BUFF DADDY & JUDGE JUDY BAGWELL v. "POSITIVELY" KANYON & ? in a mixed tag - Let Us Take You Back to Last Week, where Pamela Paulshock, Gene Okerlund, and Judy Bagwell got involved in all sorts of wacky hijinks. The Judy/Torrie catfight is a personal favourite which I'm sure I'll be telling my grandchildren about someday. Backstage, Franchise is echoing his concerns about any possible ulterior motives Kidman may have about this "Torrie Apprecition Day" nonsense. Meanwhile, Kanyon appears and tells Torrie she's been assigned as his tag team partner. "Do I look like another bimbo in a D cup bra? No! This is Torrie Appreciation Day! I am not getting sweaty - go find yourself another bimbo. I am not it." Kanyon walks off...and, spying PAMELA PAULSHOCK waiting in the interview position, grabs *her* and pulls her to the ring. Pamela, not being a wrestler, pouts a lot. Of course, on the other side we've got Judy Bagwell, still in neck brace. I have a standing policy to not bother with mixed tag matches, and see no reason to relent on it now. Paulshock refuses to tag in, despite repeated reaches by Kanyon. Judy Bagwell is on the line on Sunday as Kanyon takes on Bagwell - say, does that make you want to pony up? Come to think of it, isn't that match sorta taking place RIGHT NOW for free? Wow! Judy just gave Kanyon the finger! I hope she'll SWEAR later! Kanyon tosses Bagwell outside, then saunters over to Judy and gives her a right hand to the collar - she collapses to the mat, then to the floor, with all the speed of a snowflake. Referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker goes outside to check on Mama while Kanyon walks over to Pamela, who asks him to please talk to her hand. Kanyon grabs her hand...and she slaps him with her other hand. Kanyon brings her in by her hair and gets prepared to give her the the Kanyon Cutter...here comes GENE O., who works tonight! trotting out to play the gallant white knight. Slap, kick in the nuts, Bagwell back in for the Buff blockbuster, Tucker back in to count, 1, 2, 3. God love ya if you actually get entertained by this. (2:43) Okerlund takes off with an arm or two around Paulshock. Buff picks up his mom and tells the camera that he's buff and they together are the stuff.

The commemtators talk about the pulled Russo interview from Thunder. Here's another try, but first one commentator in particular works up a major ass-kissing for Vince Russo. I can't WAIT until Russo is gone, and he takes that clown down with him. I've totally lost interest in transcribing these "shoots," but I figure this'll be my going away present for Vince. Also, we'll all want to look back on this - and LAUGH - so here we go.

Tony Schiavone: Vince, the first question I want to ask you is the question everybody wants to ask Vince Russo, and you know what it is. And it's about Hulk Hogan and Jeff Jarrett at Bash at the Beach, and the match - was that part of the script, or was--

VINCE RUSSO: Well, Tony, y- you know we're doing this interview over 'cause I said some things on Thunder I couldn't say and I can't say 'em again...

I realise that. I know.

...but I will say this, um...I - I like to be honest with the fans, I always speak my mind, you know that about me. But this is a, uh, this is an instance where I can't. Umm, but there will come a time - there will come a place when I will tell the entire story of what happened at Bash at the Beach, but unfortunately, that can't be tonight.

You sure.

Talk to the lawyers, absolutely.

OK. You came here - it's, it's been less than a year, but when I found out you were coming here from the World Wrestling Federation in September of last year, my first thought was, why would Vince Russo want to leave the WWF and come here? You had a lot of success there, why did you come here?

Well, Tony, there are a lot of reasons, but I - I think the main reason was because it was a great, great challenge. I mean, in the WWF I was writing the television - the ratings was six-nine, seven, and, and at that point I felt that the WWF had really peaked - and if you look back at WWF now in the last ten months, they've been exactly where they were when I left. Um, I - I looked at WCW as a great challenge, and what I saw here was I - I sawr a whole breed of a New Blood that was stuck somewhere in the middle, because for whatever reason they couldn't break that "establishment." Um, this - this talent couldn't break through. Um, I strongly felt that if I were able to help them get through and to help them break the politics - um, that WCW could give WWF a run, and, y'know, to this day I believe that.

You know, you said "for whatever reason," but you and I both know what that reason is, and it's that same reason that after three months here of taking our TV and turning it in - a direction that you wanted to see it go in, that you were on the outside once again. How did that make you feel?

Well, Tony, it's - it's all about politics. And, and again, there was an "establishment" in WCW - um, you know th- th- there was a guard that didn't want to let the hungry lions through. I mean, let's face it. You know it, I know it. And it wasn't benefiting WCW; what it was doing was it was benefiting the individual - individuals. Well, um, you know, I - I think we've eliminated a lot of those individuals, and I think now you're finally starting to see the New Blood of WCW come through, working their asses off in the ring, and finally WCW is getting to a place that it needs to be.

Did you feel that it would be this tough, of breaking through the establishment?

No. I - I honestly didn't, Tony. I mean, you know, let's face it, you know, three months, uh, my first time here, I take the ratings from a two-eight to a three-four in three months, three-four was the last show I did, next thing I know, you know, I-I'm home watching Sigmund and the Sea Monsters with my daughter. It blew my mind, but again, it's the wrestling business. It's politics. But, but for - for that New Blood, and for those hungry lions, you know I made a promise to them, and- and the promise was that I was gonna see through it that the right thing was done. You know, for the longest time here when I was in the WWF, it - it was a joke how WCW was an ATM machine. There were "high-priced players" who- who- who didn't perform in the ring, who went through the motions and collected their paycheque, laughing all the way to the bank. That wasn't gonna get WCW anywhere, and it didn't get WCW anywhere - where it was getting WCW was deeper and deeper and deeper into a hole. Um, you know, now, w-w-with Booker T as the champion and, and and guys like Booker leading the way, WCW, after ten months of me being on this job, is finally in a place that it needs to be.

But it hasn't been an easy ten months for you. You came back after, after three months, and then you're on the outside. April tenth you come back, and you form the New Blood, and we're back on the direction that you wanna be, but you've had to be involved, more than just behind the scenes, you've been involved physically in many angles.

Well, Tony, you know, again, I, I, I was so bitter with what happened in sitting home for the three months, w- when I came back to WCW, I came back with a vengeance. And I came back really willing to do anything I possibly could do to help this company - if it meant, you know, climbing to the top of a steel cage with Ric Flair, then, then so be it, you know, I did what I had to do, and uh, you know, as I said it's not about "me," it's about "we," and if- if me being in front of the camera was gonna help this company, you know, I had no problem with that.

You told me, ah, when you came back, or... after you made your run and after you had the match against Ric Flair that you would never be in front of the camera again - do you still feel this way?

Well, Tony, yeah, I mean, you know I don't, I don't - I don't wanna be on TV, you know, I'm not one of the boys, I like, I like working with the boys and making them the best that they can be. But the reality is, I know Ric Flair has a receipt with my name on it. And, uh, you know, one thing, and again, eh, work or shoot, I'm - I'm shootin' with ya, and this is the first time I've ever said this and I, I truly mean this.

All right.

Um, you know, coming from Long Island, you know I'm a New Yorker. I've got my eye on Starrcade, which is in December at the Nassau Colesium - my backyard, as a matter of fact, my radio show started at the Nassau Colesium almost about ten years ago. Um, I would love nothing better, Tony, than in New York, Long Island, my backyard, than to get John Rocker in the middle of that ring, at the Nassau Colesium for Starrcade, and you know what, whether Rocker wants to work or shoot, I really don't care, but for every New Yorker out there, I'd love to kick his ass.

You're serious about this, aren't you.

I - I'm DEAD serious about that.

All right. New Blood Rising is on the horizon. Do you feel this is the - the pinnacle of your efforts in WCW?

This is it - I mean, ten months, I can honestly sit here and tell you that WCW is in a place that it needs to be. I don't care what the ratings are, Tony, I mean, we - we are at the starting point right now. Again, I've talked about the (mute?)lions and now they have control of this company. Now it is all up to them - our future is in their hands. They wanted the opportunity, well now I've handed it to them on a silver platter, I gotta tellya, from - from Billy Kidman to Shane Douglas to, to every guy back in the locker room, I have the confidence that WCW is gonna be back on top again with these guys leading the way.

In the three-way dance with Goldberg and Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner which has everybody talking - not only the fans but all of us behind the scenes - we wanna know what's going to happen, because if we can read between the lines in these interviews, we've got guys saying regardless of what they or Vince Russo wants, I'm gonna do what I want in that match.

Well, Tony, let - let me - let me erase the lines and tell you how it is, I mean the reality is, and I'll say it again, there is no "me" anymore, this isn't about "me," this is about "we." This is about what's best for the company. You know, a certain individual came out here a coupla weeks ago and said "you know, quite frankly I don't like some of the guys I work with, and I - I don't like some of the people I work for." Well, you know what, I don't like some of the people that work for me - that's a shoot. And, and the shoot is there are three guys in that ring; two I like, one I'm not crazy about. But I know that the end result in that ring will be what's best for WCW, not what's best for an individual, but what's best for me, you, the guy shootin' this interview, and everybody in this company. The finish of that match will be what's best for this company, and that will be cut and dried.

Powers that Be. Creative Control. Curt Hennig. Shane. AC Jazz. Larry Zbyszko. Oklahoma. Madusa. Evan Karagias. Spice. Dr. Death Steve Williams. Pinata on a pole. La Parka. Big Vito. Johnny the Bull. Tony Marinara. The Revolution renouncing their citizenship, then forcing Hacksaw Jim Duggan to renounce HIS citizenship. The Varsity Club. The NEW World Order. Goldberg putting his arm through a window. David Arquette. Sting's heel turn. Goldberg's heel turn. Horace and Kidman fighting over Torrie - and Hulk kissing her. GI Bro. Hugh Morrus' "Pops." Eric Bischoff. Killing "WCW Saturday Night." Killing the World Television title. Killing the World Cruiserweight title. Killing the World HEAVYWEIGHT title. It's not what Vince Russo said - it's what he DIDN'T say - and what he's done.

The problem is, there are so MANY openings in what he's said above that I just don't have time to properly smartass my way through it. Maybe later in the week...or you can just go visit tOA where others are already doing a fine, fine job of it without me. Suffice it to say that Russo will be lucky to even be *involved* in wrestling ANYWHERE, come Starrcade. "And that's a shoot."

That and...a New Jersey Nets warmup jacket and no shirt? How gauche!

(THIS IS) STING (with the TV-14-DL ratings box) v. WHITE THUNDER in a pipe on a pole match - Hey, Steiner's officially lost all his women now, huh?

Jeff Jarrett shills TracFone

Thunder ad

The 1-800-CAL-LATT Road Report says that Nitro will take place in Kelowna, BC next week. Umm, WHERE?

The Castrol Motor Oily replay is from Moments Ago - or four paragraphs ago - who cares

AWESOME MULLET & MIGHTY HEIDI join the commentators, who tell us that Cat just booked Nash & Sting against the Steiner brothers.

WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: LANCE STORM v. BOOKA T - Good LORD Heidi has a Southern accent. "If I could be serious for a minute...tonight, I fulfill my destiny as an all-time Canadian great. I will follow in the footsteps of other great Canadians, like Wayne Gretzky, Jonathan Bailey, Doug Flutie, Warren Moon, the world's greatest quarterback. Because tonight, I make Booker T. submit, and I become World Heavyweight Champion. It's not my fault I'll be the first ever Grand Slam champion. It's not my fault I go to New Blood Rising in Vancouver, Canada with all the gold. It's not my fault - I'm That Damn Good. Don't blame Canada - blame yourself. All rise for the playing of the Canadian national anthem." But "Theme from Harlem Heat" plays instead. A little early in the show for this match, don't you think? If you're wondering who will win this match, Tony tells us there'll be a special Booker T interview played on Thunder this week. JESUS, now THERE'S some suspense for ya. They'd be very wise to not have a run-in during this match. T leads the crowd in clapping - then they bust out a "USA" chant. Lockup, side headlock by T, chain wrestling, Storm powers out, shoulderblock by T. Off the ropes, up and over, Storm leapfrog, SOME GUY delivers food to Awesome and Heidi...they just CAN'T have a match in WCW, can they. Up and over, flying jalapeno by Booker T. Right, right, into the ropes, Storm escapes the press attempt, goes behind, T catches him with an elbow, Storm ducks the clothesline and tries for a backslide, T escapes THAT, right, Storm dropkicks the shin. We look at a plate of Arby's while Heidi complains that there aren't any donuts on the plate. For the love of God, how about the MATCH. T is outside. Storm readying for a springboard - plancha hits! Heidi is eating. Storm puts T back in the ring. Hudson: "Mama Cass? All right, Heenan." Right, right, T goes down. Stomp by Storm. Shoving him in the face, slap, T pushes back, elbow, elbow to the ribs by Storm. Going for the Northern Lights, but T holds on and hits a suplex of his own. Into the ropes, head down, Storm goes for the rollup - no, holding onto the leg for the half crab attempt - T kicks him away. Jawbreaker by Storm. T catches the superkick, Storm ducks the clothesline, gutshot, into the ropes, T holds on, gutshot, off the ropes with the axe kick. Breakdancing back up, T hits the Harlem sidekick - 1, 2, no.

Close captioning on this show brought to you by Meineke!

Pamela Paulshock asks Jarrett if hitting Heidi made him feel like a man. He says he wants a match with Awesome tonight.

Sgt. AWOL and Gen. Rection split up to try to find the Animals. AWOL rushes a room - only to find some Nitro Grrls. Much mirth and hilarity ensues.

BILLY KIDMAN is out to help celebrate Torrie Appreciation Day. Let Us Take You Back to Thunder. Kidman has a giant heart, probably filled with chocolate, and a bouquet of roses. "Torrie, I knwo you're back there and I know you're watching. I just got a couple things that I wanna say to you. I'm sorry for everything that I've ever done to you. You know, I realise now that I shouldn't have shown the sex tape to all these people - because nobody knows like I know the kind of love that we shared. 'cause you see Torrie, I acted like an idiot, immature, and that's why tonight, I made this Torrie Wilson Appreciation Night. Because, even though you're with the Franchise, deep down you still mean the world to me. These chocolates, the flowers, the champage, it's all for you! Because tonight is your night. So, Torrie, you see, I've planned out a lot of things for this evening - all of which, I hope, will lead to you forgiving me. So, Torrie, I want you to come out here now. Because this is a party for you - all these people out here want you to come out - and let's have a party, baby - just like we used to." Here comes TORRIE SAMUDA - let me sneak out two things. One: it's quite ironic that Kidman's wearing a "SHUT UP AND WRESTLE" T-shirt during this segment, and two: would it KILL the commentators to maybe lay out for a few minutes and NOT feel the need to fill up EVERY TINY PAUSE with their FLAPPIN' YAPPIN' LIPS? God, you know you're in trouble when it's left to *Tony Schiavone* to play "the subtle one." "I brought these for you. Torrie, I want you to remember - remember all the good times we shared - yeah, we had a lotta fun together. I got to see all your baby pictures from the time that you were this big to the time that you were in high school - and I got to see a side of you that nobody else got to see...until tonight. Do you remember your sweet sixteenth birthday party? I know I said I was sorry about the sex tape, but there is one more tape I wanted to air to show my appreciation - no, it's not - it's not a sex tape; however, it is Torrie Wilson in action. It's from your birthday party, do you remember that? Maybe this will help you remember - can you please roll the footage? We go to the tape, which shows a rather hefty Torrie (think that time on "Friends" when they played the prom date video...not that they stole that idea for this one, nosiree, nope) - Hudson's "she's got more Chins than a..." racist remark gets muted - don't forget the lawsuit, Scott! Torrie chows down on the birthday cake with both hands, drinks from the punchbowl, sets herself on fire, and so on. Anyway, Kidman drops "the memorial Torrie Wilson high school photograph" from the ceiling. "She will be signin' 'em after the show!" Kidman offers some chocolate...FRANCHISE is out - Kidman knocks him down. Torrie tries to whack him with the champagne bottle, but he beats her to the punch, knocking her to the mat. Now I'm fascinated with watching to see if Torrie's ass crack makes an appearance or not. "Hey, Torrie, say no to crack!" WAAAAAAAhahahahahahaha. Anyway, RENO comes out and hits his Whatever. Torrie tries collecting all the pictures dropping from the ceiling as Franchise whips Kidman with his belt. Torrie's picture is up on the Turnertron - she looks like that one chick with the glasses from "Major Dad" if she suddenly gained a hundred pounds. Mercifully, this segment is over.

Oh, look, the MIA have caught up to the Filthy Animals. Laugh at Konnan trying real hard to keep his hat on! They whack the MIA with the tag team belts and get ready to bundle into their car and drive off - as soon as this garage door is opened - oh my! Kronic stands on the other side of the garage door! And they've got sledgehammers! They beat up the car a bit (ignoring the windows - oh well) until Disco Inferno gets out and hands them the belts. They give him High Time on the hood, anyway.

Meanwhile, MAJOR GUNNS drags TYGRYSS to the mud pit where mirth and hilarity ensues. MISS HANCOCK joins the fray to turn the tide, and the ex-Nitro Grrls give Gunns a dunkin'. I'm sure that everybody loved this but me - the only problem is, I'm the only one writing a report here. ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME Come to think of it...I *can* think of *one* person who *should* have a problem with this segment...but of course, since he's 1Bob Ryder, he'll probably sorta close that one eye and look the other way. "Watching WCW is as beneficial to your health as taking a multivitamin," I think I remember him writing one week.

Jeff Jarrett tries again with the TracFone

JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET v. AWESOME MULLET - If this show hadn't been so full of BULLSHIT to this point, I'd probably be up for this match. As it is, it's all I can do to just keep from typing expletive after expletive. LANCE STORM comes out.

Jeff Jarrett's got one more TracFone to sell tonight

New Blood Rising promo - it's Sunday, it'll do a .21 buyrate and the staff of 1wrestling will try to convince you WCW is actually "improving" because "it's up from last month."

Pamela Paulshock stands with Kwee Wee and Papaya - next

WHITE THUNDER & RICK WOOF WOOF v. (THIS IS) STING & KEVIN NASH - "You know, being a Steiner brother, you fear nobody - we're here to promote violence! So Sting, Nash, you want some? Come get some! You don't like me? Bite me!" "Kevin Nash, Sting, I don't know which one of you guys are gonna have the pleasure, but I'm gonna stick this size 12 so far up (your ass), you'll be flossin' with my shoelaces!" I am SHOCKED that Nash and Sting enter together. Front row fan actually does the Rock "just bring it" hand motion - the camera gets off him because he's not helping Steiner stay in character. Steiner finds ANOTHER front row fan who refuses to act afraid of him. Nash and Rick start - and that's about all you'll get out of me until the end of this match. Tonight, I'm only as good as the material I'm given - well, okay, not even close. But what do you want? It's free and it ain't broken into fifteen pieces. I *will* say that Sting is wrestling remarkably well for someone who's suffered so many pipe and bat shots earlier in the show, and only has the Demon to look forward to on Sunday. WOW! Lookit Nash approach running speed to save Sting! Chortle at Rick's belly handing over his trunks! Herb Kunze told me the most over man in this match is...Goldberg. Fast forward to Nash powerbombing Rick through the commentary table - which doesn't break. Scott has Sting in the Steiner Recliner behind the back of referee "Blind" Billy Silverman. This brings out COLD BEER, who throws an elbow to break up the hold - and apparently this elbow is SO devastating that Sting can cover for the pin, too! (6:42) Goldberg goes ahead with a spin kick to Sting to show us that he ain't no good guy just 'cause he helped Sting pin Scott Steiner. Here comes Nash...ring the bell a million times! Before they can fade out with Nash and Goldberg staring at each other, Steiner ruins it by punking out Goldberg from behind. Credits are up and we're out - did we even have an overrun tonight? Less than a minute? Not at all?

WHO CARES. This show was a giant showcase for everything that sucks about WCW and does *nothing* for getting me pumped about the pay-per-view. If it weren't for Booker T, there'd be NOTHING to watch here. No, Storm doesn't do it for me - maybe if you give him five more belts and dress him up like Ultimo Dragon.

I can only sum it up like this: Baaaaaaaah.

See you for Thunder.