/4 September 2000
So I watched my first "Monday Night Football" of the season tonight - it's
not too late for me to jump on that "Dennis Miller sucks" bandwagon, is it?
Man, it was an exciting game and I was marginally interested in both teams,
and I STILL couldn't wait to turn to TNT at 8...that MAY have been as much
Al Michaels than Dennis Miller. Of course, I FORGOT to turn on the radio
and listen to CBS Radio's all-new three-man booth - just as well, as I've
forgotten who the three men are. (Let's see - Matt Millen...Howard....what
was his name? And...did they hire Boomer? They did, didn't they?
Damn...WHY was I so interested in listening to radio again? What? It
wasn't even CBS Radio, it's Westwood One? Eh, screw you. NOBODY CARES
ABOUT RADIO [except if I'm on it, har har])
QUICK QUOTES: (Friday) AOL 58 3/4 (- 1/16), TWX 84 3/8 (- 2 1/8), SPLN 17 1/2 (- 7/16, last year this time 24 1/2)
Still, maybe I can learn something from Dennis Miller: "You know, the ONE thing that WCW needs to fix more than anything else is...hey, Skittles! What was I talking about again?" Come to think of it, perhaps I've *already* used that one...
Hey, remember when George (not W.) Bush said "we kicked a little ass last night" and HE didn't know there was an open mic in the vicinity? Let's not pretend this is a new thing...
Okay, time to "Shut Up and Recap"
Wait, one more thing, since it's in these "ER" closing credits - "The Pretender" is NOT "one of the best shows on television." All right? Don't believe that TNT announcer - he's smoking crack.
WCW logo - two turntables and a microphone
TV-14-DL - Tonight: Russo's Revenge. Highlights of last week - and pictures of the triple cage - and the close captioned logo.
Earlier Today - 4am to be precise, the Triple Cage was constructed in the middle of the arena
The Reunion Arena, that is - LIVE from Dallas, TX 4.9.2K - Vince Russo and "his boys" are WALKING!
Boy howdy! New (Blood) Nitro Credits! Kevin Nash's eyes give you a seizure! Wanna find out who's gonna be released? Figure out who AIN'T in these credits
WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: INSANE CLOWN POSSE v. RAYMOND STEREO & DE JOOS (with Tygryss, Konnan & Disco) - No pyro - pyro costs MONEY. Hey hey, it's time once again to play YOU ARE THE BOOKER: Name YOUR choice: if you had the chance to book the fifth anniversary Nitro - please tell me who you'd put in the opening bout. If you said "Give ICP a tag title shot," *you* could be the booker! Question: How come Konnan can say "help Richard Gere find his gerbils," yet they hold down Stevie Ray from saying "froot booty?" Answer: Racism. Clowns attack from behind and a Pier Four Brawl is on. Mysterio and Guerrera actually whipped into each other for a collision. Geez, they're SELLING for these guys? Guerrera whipped into Mysterio, who dumps him out on the apron. Violent J suckered in - Mysterio ducks and Guerrera throws an elbow. Springboard dropkick on Shaggy 2 Dope, Mysterio with a split-legged moonsault onto J. Mysterio off the ropes, boosted up and over by Guerrera into a dropkick on J - who tries to fall over the top rope to the floor, but ends up dropping to the apron and getting kicked out instead. Double pescado onto the ICP! Dope put back in the ring as the WHOOOOSH logo 13 days WHOOOOOSH. Guerrera on top - but Dope manages to drive both feet in the gut as he comes down. Right, tag to J, into the ropes, Guerrera ducks under, Dope holds him...but not long enough as Guerrera ducks J's punch and Dope eats it. Guerrera with a body scissors on J, into a bulldog. Tag to Mysterio. Guerrera baseball slide dropkick to Dope on the outside as Mysterio comes in with a springboard guillotine onto J. Tygress apparently gets a shot in on Dope, but the camera misses it. Sign in crowd: "Where's Benoit?" Get that man a TV! Dope put back in, Mysterio splash off the do si do, then dropping down to boost Air Juvi. And there's a broncobuster. J clotheslines Mysterio down - ducks Guerrera and clotheslines HIM to the outside. Elbow to Mysterio. Into the ropes, double back elbow. Dope whips Mysterio into a press slam from J. Dope on the outside, Guerrera grabs the ankle but Dope kicks him away - J presses him AGAIN, but before Dope can spring to the top rope, Guerrera pulls him to the floor...then HE springs up to dropkick J. Sandwiched with two dropkicks. Guerrera holding the legs apart so Mysterio can hit the "nutcracker - time to (mute mutes)," as Konnan was saying. Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson catches this in plain sight, but since it's his finisher, he *fails* to call "un foul" and instead counts the fall - 1, 2, 3. Mysterio pins Violent J, and the champs retain. Tomorrow, you might read on 1wrestling that this match was "nonstop juicy action from start to finish." (3:46)
In the workout room, PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with Team Canada (all two of them), who are putting Major Gunns through her paces on a treadmill in order to teach her the true Canadianness of...nah, I don't know - she's proving her worth - boot camp fashion - Pamela promises to "keep us posted" - *shrug*
Somewhere else, Cat, Mrs. Jones and Booker T. get in a limo
Oh no! The cage is lowering! What could it mean?
Fall Brawl promo
At Fall Brawl, the title match is (currently) Booker T. vs. Kevin Nash, as this graphic plainly shows. Hmm, but this week NEITHER man has a belt in his photo...
VIC VENOM leads the NATYRYL BORN THRYLLRZ to cageside, where he leaves them while he enters the cage. Russo wears a Devils jersey for cheap heat, because *Dallas is SO the hockey town.* "Don't worry - tonight, the WCW promises to entertain you - not like your Dallas Cowboys yesterday! Maybe somebody needs to tell Troy Aikman what his name is today!
kidding aside...(crowd chants "asshole" - and gets muted) I am here to talk
about the Triple Cage Wargames 2000! Now, there are some things you do
know, and there are some things you DON'T know. The object of War Games is
for one man to climb all the way up to the top of that third cage, get the
WCW title, walk all the way back down through the cage, and out that door.
That man will be the WCW Champion. There will be two teams of four. The
team which I like to call the babyfaces, or the good guys: Russo, Jarrett,
Steiner and Nash. Against the heel team - the team of the Cat...Booker
T....Goldberg..........and, of course, he's way past his prime, but Sting
will be here in the cage. Now, what you didn't know is I had my New York
lawyers look into this little deal that the Cat made with Eric Bischoff,
and right now, there is an injunction on that deal, so, Cat, tonight, you
have ZERO power, baby! And what that means is that all four guys - the
heels - they must compete in qualifying matches in order to make the War
Games! Oh, and just to show that I'm fair - if by some chance, Goldberg
happens to win his qualifying match and play in War Games, for one night
and one night only, I will waive the non-physicality clause between me and
Goldberg! You can cheer all you want, because the bottom line is this: I
guarantee I am walking out of that door the WCW Champion, and you know why?
Because I've got the jack!" I don't know about you, but that's enough to
get ME to be sure to watch RAW at 9. KEVIN NASH comes
ask why Russo's making guarantees with his belt. "Give it up for MY Kevin
Nash, MY Kevin Nash! Go ahead, Kevin, give 'em your words of wisdom." "I
don't give a damn about them...I just wonder what the hell you're smokin'."
"What are you talking about? We got a triple cage WCW title on the line -
what don't YOU understand?" "My belt is not on the line unless *I* say so.
We've been over this - I told you, I'm not some fighting champion. I've
got to defend it once a month...on the twenty-ninth day, at the eleventh
hour of that day, maybe I'll do it - I'm not doing it every night!" "All
right, wait a minute, obviously Kevin, there's a little misunderstanding,
because the misunderstanding is...YOU don't tell ME what you're gonna and
not gonna do, Kevin. Let me remind you *I* am the boss, Kevin!" "Let me
remind you, Russo, you may be the boss, but out here, I'm your Daddy."
Nash grabs Russo by the neck...but before he can do anything, the lighting
goes funky, Metallica fires up over the PA, and (THIS IS) STING cuts his
way through the canvas underneath the ring and comes in. Why didn't Sting
pop up through the ring when it was JUST Russo in there? Why didn't Sting
let Nash finish whatever he was starting? Russo: "Kevin - don't even let
him talk, kick his ass! Kick his ass, I said!" Nash reaches deep down and
finds two middle fingers to display...then he leaves the ring, motioning to
Sting that he can have a clear path. "Hey Russo! First, I am gonna get
nice and qualified tonight - then I am going to become the World
Heavyweight Champion. Do you know why? Because it's - it's - it's it's
it's it's - it's showtime, folks!" Sting leaves the ring and Russo makes a
big show of flipping him off to his back as he leaves...so Sting turns
around and comes back into the ring. Russo quickly scales the ladder to
the second cage and Sting's on his tail. Russo outside the cage. Now
WHITE THUNDER & JEDOUBLEF
JADOUBLEREDOUBLET are out and getting in the cage
- now the Thrillers are getting in the cage - let the cluster commence - I
mean, LOOKIT THIS NONSTOP JOOSY ACTION! The Thrillers remove the ladder
and hold guard in the bottom cage. Looks like BOOKA T. & THE CAT are
joining the action - and taking out all six of the Thrillers on the bottom
cage. Russo is on top of the second cage - and Sting is after him again.
Russo is climbing down and Steiner and Jarrett are waiting for Sting to
come down. Russo's out on the aisle - and pointing to his temple. Behind
him, some MORE music fires up - and COLD BEER comes out. Russo
backstage as quick as he can...because, as we ALL know, *Vince Russo only
sells for Big Vito*. Back to the triple cage - no, fading out to the ad
As the cage FINALLY starts to rise back up, we learn that this portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Western Union Money Transfer!
Moments Ago, Nash grabbed Russo's neck, Sting popped up through the ring to stop it, Goldberg appeared - if you're like me, you can't WAIT to see how Nash proves he was just SWERVING US ALL ALONG at the end of the show
To Russo's office, where Steiner is throwing furniture. Jarrett and Steiner want to know what's up with "your boy." Russo asks them to talk some sense into Nash...
Your hosts include TONY SCHIAVONE & JEREMY BORASH - Holy cow! Borash with no hair looks JUST like Truman Capote. Somebody should tell those guys that wearing sunglasses does NOT make them look cool, no matter how hard they want to *believe* otherwise. Just ask Tony - HE'S not wearing sunglasses out there. Earlier today, Scott Hudson and the Nitro Grrls shaved Jeremy's head because he lost a bet over ratings (they must have revised the bet downward...or I misread the Torch's report - eh, who cares) but he ALSO got to call a match - this was expanded to the whole show when Scott Hudson had to leave early as his wife was in labor (on Labor Day? NO WAY!).
BROTHYRZ are out to demand that some film they
shot earlier be shown., before they start punking out announcers.
Earlier Today, the Harris Boyz enter the Friendly Tap - I mean, a local tavern and find Kronic playing pool. Ron distracts them while Don breaks a chair over Adams - then Ron breaks a pool cue over Clark. Adams gets a pitcher over his head and falls through a table - the camera misses whatever Clark gets next. The Harrisses walk off.
What? That's the whole segment?
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (Savage), Boston Market TV dinners, Catbo, America (ha!) Online, Lean Pockets from Hot Pockets, and Stone Street Cash Scam
Franchise tells Russo he'd like to face Goldberg tonight as his qualifier opponent. He brings out three of the Thrillers (Palumbo, Reno & O'Haire) as his partners, but Torrie tells Douglas that he doesn't need them - "you guys have screwed up everything you've done!" - hey, she's got a point! Franchise says okay, let's do it that way then. Russo agrees - but after they leave, he tells the Thrillers to watch his back anyway.
(THIS) IS STING (with WATCH & WIN BULL graphic) v. THE JOBBIN' JUGGALO & THE GREAT MUTA in a Qualifier - Brief doubleteam. Into the ropes, kick for Vampiro, shot for Muta, clotheslined Vampiro out of the ring, Muta whip, ducks a kick, gutshot, off the ropes, face plant. Vampiro off the top rope with a...hmm. Collision, I guess. If you watch carefully, you'll see referee "Blind" Mickie Jay start to feed Muta his green mist before the camera shot can quickly change. Vampiro with a right. Holding him for Muta - yeah, Sting ducks and Vampiro takes a faceful of green mist. Dropkick for Muta, Stinger splash for Vampiro, Scorpion Death Drop, 1, 2, 3. Wow. Vampiro jobs. WOTTA SHOCK (1:11) Before Vampiro and Muta can come to blows, INSANE CLOWN POSSE are out to separate them.
Meanwhile, Major Gunns is greased up and pumping some iron. Skipper says they're checking her "mental altitude." Gunns: "But I don't WANNA be Canadian!"
Meanwhile, Stevie Ray is expressing righteous indignation to Vince Russo for his no-doubt-assigned-to-be-Booker's-qualifier-opponent status - Russo tells him that he has the power to pull his Thunder commentator slot and he better take the shot - besides, this is his chance to become WCW Champion - now can u dig that? Ray appears to move into deep thought mode (no doubt wondering "if I said 'froot booty' RIGHT NOW, how much trouble could I *possibly get into?") as we fade out
Backstage, Jarrett tries to talk some sense into Nash, asking him to help out the team - "tonight, I might just go play for the other team." WHOA HO HO - NASH COMING OUT - TONIGHT!
SAY FROOT BOOTY ALREADY v. BOOKA T. in a qualifier - "You know, I had a funny feeling in my gut when I came to Dallas, Texas tonight.
That lowdown dirty snake Vince Russo - yeah - Vince Russo - has threatened
to tear up my contract if I don't do this match tonight - if I don't do
this match wit' my brotha." Commentators: "OHHHHHHH" - see, NONE OF THEM
figured it out beforehand 'cause they're all IDIOTS "Well, you know
something - just like when me and my brother were little bitty guys, we
gon' do this tonight, but it ain't for you, Russo - we gon' do it tonight
for each and every one of these people in Dallas Texas!" Tonight: THE
EBONY EXPERIENCE EXPLODES! T's music, still the Harlem Heat music, now
begins with "Don't hate the playa, hate the game. IF YA SMELLLLLLLL..." T
has a mic as well. "You know, bro, I'm gon' make this short and quick - I
know this' Russo's way of, of getting to me is through you, but we ain't
gon' worry about that. Russo, after this thing is all said and done, I got
just one little thing to say to you - don't hate the playa, hate the game!"
What the HELL does that mean? Stevie clubs his brotha from behind and it's
on, two more dlubbing blows, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp, stomp. Through the ropes. Stevie outside - head to the STEEL
steps. Right hand. Double sledge. Back in the ring. Scoop - and a slam.
Cover - 1, 2, Booker kicks out. Stevie to the bow and arrow (if you only
pull the arms) - T to his feet, rolling it around, Ray to the eyes, into
the ropes, T ducks, flying jalapeno hits. Into the ropes, reversed, T
holds on, gutshot, off the ropes with the axe kick. T breakdances back up
- but Ray catches the Harlem sidekick attempt and slams him down. "It's
Slapjack time!" Ray with the double underhook, but T. breaks free and
backdrops him. Ray runs at him - Book End attempted, but Ray elbows out of
the attempt. Whip into the opposite corner, reversed, elbow up by Stevie -
running at him...into a Book End. 1, 2, 3. (2:02) You get the feeling
Vince Russo likes to read mystery novels by just skipping to the last page?
T. has a big band-aid on his neck - cut himself shaving? Tumor? Goiter?
Who can say. T has THE STICK once again: "Hey man, what the hell was that
all about?" "Like I told you long time ago - suckas got to know - keep
your guard up - because that's the way we play the game - get ready for War
Games tonight!" Damn, must be a family thing - sneaking in your
catchphrase even though it makes NO sense
Meanwhile, Kronic is WALKING! They ask Kaientai - err, the Jung Dragons - where the Harris Brothers are. Kaz displays his mastery of English...frustrating Kronic enough to force them to walk off....then, turn around, come back, and demolish them. You can hear Adams do the "on 3, 1, 2," for Jamie-san's trip through the table. Hey, wait! Jamie's a *white guy who speaks perfect English.* Maybe they just asked the wrong guy. Seeing the Dragon's go down like that - is that a push?
Promotional consideration paid for by the WCW Nitro trading card game, Lean Pockets from Hot Pockets (again), Corn Nuts, America (again!) Online, Boston Market TV dinners (again), and Motel 6 7/8
3 COUNT is in the ring when we get back - but instead of getting a chance to perform, KRONYKK comes out instead. "Hey 3 Count! Did you see that push that the Dragons got?" There's a Triple High Time. Adams press slams Karagias. Helms gets Uncle Slam. Moore gets a Meltdown. Not a match, although a bell rang - let's go ahead and count it. (about 0:50) Adams: "Harris Brothers! Let me make this short and sweet! We all do things in life we have to live with. Now get your asses out here and live with the ass kicking we're gonna give you." Tony: "I wanna tell you - every fan around the world wants to see the Harris Brothers go up against Kronic!" But it's JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET out instead. "Wait a minute - whoa whoa whoa whoa. Listen up, you two (Mary Jane slap)nuts? You want the Harris Boyz tonight? Well, it ain't gonna happen, because you're on our clock - you do it on your own damn time. And since you're already booked in a handicap match, we're gonna keep it that way. So Cat, you wanna be WCW Champion? Well why don't you dance your ass on out here and qualify, 'cause we're gonna have us a handicap match - it's gonna be a qualifyin' handicap match!"
KRONYKK v. CAT (with Mrs. Jones - they have a thing goin' on - and Let Us Take You Back to Thunder) in a Qualifier - Jones wears a neck brace, yup. Cat tries to convince Kronic that their fight isn't amongst themselves, it's with Russo, Jarrett, Steiner and Nash. With the absence of the others, why not gang up on Jarrett? Suprisingly, they seem to actually GO for that...until Cat tries to hit a surprise schoolboy on Adams - 1, 2, no. Doubletaem on the Cat - whip into the opposite corner- I'll kick him, you kick him for a while. Whip into the opposite corner, Cat slides under the bottom rope to the floor - hey, them green circles are STILL out there. Jarrett leaves the fourth headset to go mess with Miss Jones. Cat goes over there, clubbing blow, and holds him for a slap. Adams grabs Cat and puts him in the ring, Clark punches away - into the ropes, Cat hold on and looks out, where Jarrett (and guitar) are chasing Jones back up the aisle and outta there. Adams with a double thrust, into the ropes, double clothesline. High Times coming up - 1, 2, 3. (1:21) Suddenly, our commentators figure out that Kronic is in the War Games match...
We go to Vince's office, where a satisifed Russo tells Steiner that he knew they'd take care of the Cat. Steiner ponders David Penzer's announcement that Kronic is in the match...it takes him a good five seconds, but he eventually registers some unhappiness, pounds Russo's desk with his bat, gets muted, and takes off. Russo puts his hands to his face - HE is a slower thinker than Steiner? Woof.
Hey, look, it's Goldberg! He's ...I dunno. Is he next?
Jeff Jarrett shills Tracfone
Thunder ad still has Hogan in it
At Fall Brawl, Goldberg will take on Scott Steiner - do not doubt the graphic!
FRANCHISE (with Torrie Samuda & TV-14-DL ratings box) v. COLD BEER (with WATCH & WIN BULL logo) in a qualifier - "Cut the damn music! What you Dallas asses can do is sit down and pay attention while a real woman talks!" Geez, her hair looks awful tonight. "You know what, you guys make me sick - juts shut up! You can't even appreciate a real champion when he's standing right in front of you - so Franchise, get this over with quick, 'cause I wanna get out of this stupid hellhole." "Torrie, honey, what you want, you get. Bill Goldberg! Last week, big man, you started something I don't think you can finish. All right, Dallas, you jackasses learned it yesterday - how to lose - and--" the music cuts him off. We get the super extended Goldberg entrance (mit pyro), which allows Douglas to make the chicken face for an extended period of time. (2:19) Lockup, Goldberg shoves him down. Lockup, repeat. Lockup, Franchise goes behind for a waistlock...Goldberg drops down and uses a body scissors to take Franchise with him - going for the anklelock but Franchise grabs the bottom rope. Franchise goes outside - Goldberg follows - kicking the bad ankle. Right hand. Whip into the barricade. Headbutt. Goldberg's offense....yes...is deliberate. Franchise begging off as Goldberg has him by the neck - but somehow, he ducks the elbow and Goldberg hits the post. Franchise rams the arm into the post. Arm on the steps - Franchise - kicks the steps? Maybe he meant to stomp the arm, I dunno. Franchise puts the arm hard onto the steps. Goldberg with a mule kick. Franchise kicks, then puts him in the ring. In the ring, Franchise grabs the right arm in a knuckle lock, kicks the gut, another gutshot, still holding that knuckle lock, gutshot, Goldberg to a knee. Goldberg fights back - there's the one-arm test of strength move, and Goldberg puts him down - THEN yanks him back up and shoves him down again for good measure. Right hand. Head to the buckle. Whip into the opposite corner is reversed, but Goldberg hits a short arm clothesline instead. Goldberg in position for the spear...but the NATYRYL BORN THRYLLYRZ are out and on him. Franchise makes his way out of the ring. Whip into the ropes, Goldberg spears Jindrak & O'Haire. Right hand for Palumbo. Reno tries to get in a shot, but eats a right hand. Sanders takes a left. Reno with a shot to the back - going for the Roll of the Dice - but Goldberg elbow him in the gut, and HE (sorta) puts Reno in his own finisher! Palumbo gets a gutshot - and a pumphandle slam. Sanders is up - blocked punch - press...but Franchise is in and the chain is around his fist - Goldberg drops Sanders and spears Franchise! Jackhammer coming up...timmmmmber. 1, 2, 3. (4:21) Hey, I think this guy's a face again! Also, the Thrillers' push...continues...
Cut to Russo's office, where he asks himself how he gets himself into these things.
Buff Bagwell, although absent from the booking sheets, nonetheless STLIL carries the power of the card.
Hey, you got a match over four minutes - so how about sitting
through an in-show ad for "The Way of the Gun?" Enter the "Way of the
Gun/Shoot for the Border" by logging onto wcw.com and enter to win a '69
The Castrol Motor Oily replay is Goldberg - spearing and jackhammering.
Vince Russo is WALKING! He finds Kevin Nash and apologises. "Kevin, look man, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I made a mistake. I need you. Please. Whatever it takes. What do you want - money? What?" "I got an agenda tonight. #1's to walk out with my strap - and #2, make sure you don't walk out." Russo gets muted.
Back to the travails of Team Canada - they're making Major Gunns swim laps in order to prove her Canadianness, now. Gunns, who apparently didn't smarten up until JUST NOW, stops and says she doesn't want to be Canadian. Meanwhile, we look back over a wall, where the MIA are doing reconnaisance work (although we can hear Rection quite clearly - as if he had a mic) Finally, Pamela Paulshock breaks her journalistic objectivity, calls for Security and tells Gunns to get out of the water. Storm promptly shoves her in the pool. Cajun and Loco spear Skipper into the pool...and Rection and AWOL hiptoss Storm into the pool. Mirth and merriment ensues.
Meanwhile, Russo gives a pep talk to the Thrillers. Tonight is HIS shot. "I've given you opportunity after opportunity and you've failed me! Well, this is your last test tonight." He tells them they've got Vito tonight in a gauntlet match. "We've got your BACK!" "And that's a SHOOT!" Huh? Shudder.
Jeff Jarrett's still got them Tracfones to sell
Close captioning for this fine program comes to you through the kind sponsorship of MEINEKE!
A wet Pamela Paulshock interiews ARN ANDERSON - next week is David and Stacy's wedding. Will Ric Flair be there? "Well, before we get to that, Pamela you are soakin' wet, honey, and that is outstanding - that's a great look for you. The fact is, I gotta ask myself and maybe even ask you, why would a 21-year-old kid makin' a six figure income driving a red - white Corvette, why would he want to get married anyway?" "I have no idea." "Well, David, if she makes you happy, I'm not too sure about her, it makes me happy, you're my godson, we went round and round, I love ya, your dad loves ya, I'm gonna blow by the Naitch's crib, I'm gonna pick him up and uh, maybe put on the coat and tails, and we'll come down, we'll watch you get married, son! Charlotte's our hometown...it's your night."
You are cordially invited to attend the marriage of Ms. Hancock & David Flair. Next week!
BIG VITO (with Let Us Take You Back One Week) v. NATYRYAL BORN THRYLLYRZ - as usual, the sound guy cuts the music before Vito gets a chance to meaningfully say "La Maestro, la musica please. Hey! I kinda like this state - I never see so many good lookin' Italians in my life! But let's get right to the point, okay? Last week, I did the right thing and I took care of Vince Russo, right here in the middle of the ring. I know you people liked it, I enjoyed it, because I gave that guy a concussion. So you know what - Russo, I don't know when you became such an (asshole) but I tell you what, if tonight is your revenge night, I want you to bring it on, because I'm the Staten Island Express, and I don't sweat nobody, and I got the biggest grapefruits in WCW, so bring it on!" Sanders whines as they come out. "Waaaah - waaaah - Russo's Revenge - Russo ehhh - Russo MADE YOU. Lemme tell ya something, Vito. You would like this place - you're a lot like these Dallas people...a buncha Cheez Whiz suckin', trailer trash, no good homeless bums!" "Hey - hey - that's no way to talk about all your friends' mommas!" "Lemme tell you something, Vito, what you are looking at here is the most genetically JAAAAAAACKED superstars EVER." "Yeah, I know, genetically jacked, right? Just like you guys in the shower, you always (pump each other)." "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. What is it that you always say, 'I'm the Pavarotti with a lotta fat on my body, 'cause I look real chubby?'" "Okay, maybe I don't have a body like a Greek Adonis, but you know what? I don't mind bein' a fat body, 'cause I got what it takes, and I can kick every one of your asses right here, right now, tonight." "You know, that's a very interesting point you just brought up - because right here, right now, in that ring, you're gonna run the Natural Born Thrillers gauntlet, and we don't do it one on one, baby - we're a team, all five of us against YOU." "You know what? I've fought better guys than you in a kindergarten class. You ain't that tough, why don't you bring it on, stop yakking, so I can kick your ass Staten Island style - you damn punks!" "You know what? I know we can win it, so we gon' come down there and get ALL up in it." Geez, what happened to "shut up and wrestle?" The Thrillerz storm the ring, but Vito swings a mighty stickball bat and punks 'em all out. Finally, Jindrak & O'Haire turn it with a double big boot. Stasiak lays in some boots. Reno and Palumbo attempt a 3D (Dudley Death Drop). Various people stomp away. Jindrak & O'Haire do the "whip you into the ropes, double leapfrog for no apparent reason, leapfrog/clothesline" spot. Back to stomping. WHOOOSH 13 DAYS AWAY WHOOOOOSH Stasiak goes to rights. Into the ropes, Vito starts kicking and punching and, one by one, takes control over all of them again. The "BULL" logo in the lower right corner is *purely* coincidental. Punch for you, punch for you. Sanders clips him to regain control. Everybody stomps - sometimes. O'Haire with a top-rope shoulderblock. Kneedrop by Reno. Jindrak with a no-hands quebrada. O'Haire with the Seantonbomb. Sanders covers - 1, 2, 3. Well, shut my mouth - a Gauntlet match actually goes with the numbers. (2:16) Sanders grabs the stickball bat and lays it into Vito while O'Haire and Stasiak hold him. Ring the bell a million times! Everybody stomps away....
Backstage, Kronic, Sting and Booker T. have a chat
Meanwhile, Russo, Steiner and Jarrett have a meeting of the minds - Russo has a bike helmet on - oh ho ho
The 1-800-CAL-LATT Road Report says Charlotte hosts Nitro next week!
Yes, friends, ANOTHER "The Way of The Gun" ad in this show - and one more sweepstakes promo
Pamela Paulshock stands with Booker T., Sting and Kronic. T says "Booya! And we gonna get witcha." Adams says they're all about trust, teamwork, and weed, maaan. Sting shouts a lot and says that it's showtime, folks. Where's Goldberg with these guys?
The cage slowly lowers...we're told there was a drawing in the back to decide the two minute intervals as JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET comes out first. Before we find out who the second man is, let's take an ad break!
Fall Brawl promo
Jeff Jarrett's got one more Tracfone to sell tonight
Second man is (THIS IS) STING. Hmmm, we've got about twenty minutes left in the show...
WAR GAMES 2000 - RUSSO'S REVENGE for the World Heavyweight Championship - Here we go. Sting and Jarrett meet in the center of the bottom cage - Sting blocks, right, chop, right, dropkick, off the ropes with a clothesline that takes Jarrett outside. Sting follows and runs Jarrett's head into the side of the cage - and into THAT side of the cage. Right to the gut, right, head to a THIRD side of the cage. Sting stomps on the hands. Head to the STEEL steps. Back in the ring - Sting's bringing a ladder back in with him. He sets it up in the corner - but Jarrett is back up, right, right, right, right, right, right, head to the buckle, into the ladder is reversed and *Jarrett* hits it. Sting whips Jarrett into the ladder again as the ten second clock pops up. That was pretty much two minutes exactly. Sting stomps away on Jarrett as WHITE THUNDER comes out...wearing Virgil's face guard (those of you who thought I'd say "Test's face guard" aren't old school enough) from the injury Goldberg gave him last time they wrestled. Sting was trying to climb to the second cage without a ladder, but Steiner pulls him off the top rope - he hangs from the ceiling a while - Jarrett and Steiner ram the ladder into Sting's ribs until he lets go. Steiner directs Jarrett - then presses Sting - and drops him. The big red ladder is in and Steiner sets it up directly beneath the trapdoor to the second level. Jarrett whips Sting into the first ladder, set up in another corner. Steiner takes Sting and puts him in the ropes - shoulderblock. Elbowdrop. Jarrett stomps. Steiner stomps. Clock is up. Sting whipped into the ladder again - it's KRONYKK as Steiner climbs the ladder - and Jarrett tries to follow...but not quick enough. Steiner grabs bolt cutters from the wall of the second cage and undoes the chain keeping the door of the second cage closed. Meanwhile, Jarrett's getting worked over. Double shoulderblock. High Time for Jarrett. Adams climbs to the second level just as Steiner has managed to open the door of the second cage and toss the bolt cutters onto the roof - Adams with an uppernut.
Clark up on the second level as well. Adams with a right. Clark
with a clubbing blow. There are weapons all over this cage, and yet
they're not using them....They press Steiner into the roof of the cage -
three times. Dropped into a gutbuster. Next man out is VIC VENOM & THE
HARRIS BROTHYRZ. If you're wondering how that
isn't *three* men, well, you
just don't get WCW. In the bottom ring, Jarrett and Sting are back on
their feet - whip into the opposite corner by Sting, but Jarrett sidesteps
the Stinget splash. Sting with a clothesline, clothesline, Scorpion
Deathlock - as Russo watches from the apron. Meanwhile, the Harrisses are
climbing up the outside of the cage as Clark is taking a kendo stick to
Steiner - then to the Harrisses. Adams has one as well. Clark brings a
garbage can - Heavy D with a garbage can - while these four garbage it up,
let's go back to the bottom cage, where Sting has his sights set on Russo -
Stinger splash! Sting gets Russo in a Scorpion Deathlock - and getting an
assist from the ropes! Steiner is down to break that up as we take another
look at the garbage taking place in the second cage. KEVIN NASH is out
next. Into the ring...looking at Sting...then picking up Steiner...but
Sting hits a Stinger splash on both of them! The next Stinger splash finds
nobody as Steiner and Nash both pull away. Nash with a choke...and a
chokeslam on Sting. Russo raises a hand in a high five...but Nash has
*Russo* in a choke! Steiner tells him not to do it - Jarrett tells him not
to do it - Nash lets go. While Russo begs for his life, Steiner tries to
direct Nash over to Sting. Nash makes the international sign of
ahhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM (or possibly Ze Claw) while we look out in the
audience, where, somehow, the Harrisses and Kronic have ended up brawling
away. Nash has Russo in the choke - Jarrett protests so Nash drops him and
puts *Jarrett* in the choke. Steiner tries to get him to let go...Nash
drops him and puts *Steiner* in the choke. Jarrett asks him to let go, and
he does. Clock has ticked away and BOOKA T. comes out. Nash
to lay out while Booker hits the ring - ducks a clothesline from Jarrett,
gutshot, off the ropes with the axe kick. Steiner (who had been checking
on Russo, lunges for T - T heads him off with a right, right, into the
ropes, reversed, holding on, knee to the gut, and off the ropes with an axe
kick for him! Russo tries a forearm - no effect - T dramatically turns
around and Russo begs off. Gutshot for Russo - axekick to the helmet! T
breakdances up...but Nash is in and he's got a big boot. Steiner stomps on
T while Jarrett tells Nash it's time to go up! Russo, having apparently
forged a tenuous alliance with Nash, points to Sting. As Jarrett sets up
the ladder, Russo throws a loaded fist to Sting, then stomps on T. Jarrett
points to the ladder, then joins in the stomping. The clock ticks down -
Nash has Russo in the powerbomb position?? Too late to hit that,
is trotting down to the ring - Nash leaves the ring *again* to let it play
out. Elbow for Jarrett - one for Steiner. He grabs Russo - and Jarrett
and Steiner beat on him from behind before he can do anything. Into the
ropes, Goldberg with a double clothesline. Russo with the bat. Jarrett
tosses Sting. Meanwhile, Booker T. has snuck up to the second cage
unnoticed. Nash gives an evil eye to Sting on the outside. Russo, Jarrett
and Steiner have shackled Goldberg to the ropes - Booker T is ready to
climb up to the THIRD cage, but Steiner is finally up after him - Sting is
behind him, and Jarrett's behind HIM. Steiner closes the door on T, and
slams it on him again. Gutshot for Sting - rammed into the cage. Steiner
with the foor. Crowd chanting "Goldberg" - as we look at Goldberg - dude
is handcuffed to the ropes, he ain't movin'. Jarrett with a garbage can to
T's head. Nash is content to stand out on the floor watching all this -
his strategy is apparently to guard the door and mug whoever approaches it
with the title belt. Sting getting the better of Jarrett and Steiner
(thanks to a trashcan) - while this goes on, T has made it to the TOP cage.
Steiner has his bat - and puts Sting down. T climbing the top cage - I
guess there's nothing cool in it - the title belt is ABOVE the top cage. T
on top...and he's got the belt. Good thing they didn't ALL just stand on
the floor and wait for the belt to come to them, eh? T starts to climb
down...punches for Jarrett - but he dropped the belt. T makes it to the
roof of the second cage, grabs the belt - and waffles Jarrett with it. T
hits Steiner right in the mask with the belt. T in the second cage and
walking right by Sting - we all apparently missed when Sting was handcuffed
to THIS cage. Steiner puts T down from behind - and now waffles *T* with
the belt. Jarrett finds a gee-tar and breaks it over Booker T. Steiner
has the belt...and drops it to the ring. Jarrett works on handcuffing
Booker T. Russo has the belt - taunt for Goldberg. THE CAT is out for no
apparent reason - Feliner to the helmet! Russo goes down and Cat picks up
the belt...but now Nash has decided to get involved...knee to the gut -
Truckstop Drop. Nash grabs the belt, strikes a pose. Goldberg decides,
"hey, wait, maybe I can just break this handcuff if I YANK REALLY HARD" ...
and does. Thrust kick for Nash. Big boot for Steiner. Right for Jarrett.
He catches Russo's bat - and Russo catches a big right hand. Russo picks
up Russo...but drops him to pick up the title. Goldberg poses...you know,
you REALLY should save that pose for when you're outside the ring and have
won the match. Goldberg through the ropes...and just as he reaches the
door...well lookee there, it's BRET
CLARKE slamming the cage door on
Goldberg *just* before he can leave the cage. Steiner pulls Goldberg's
carcass out of there while Jarrett puts the belt in the ring. Russo grabs
it...but Nash is up behind him and got him in a choke. Russo forks the
belt over...and raises both his arms high. Steiner Recliner on Goldberg.
Jarrett on the ropes with the bat, ready to strike...oh, but Nash hugs
Russo. Gee whiz, it was another shocking swerve. They fooled us all.
Nash leads the - well, whatever they are - not the NWO, mind you - no sir -
in a count of three...and he crosses the threshhold. Diddly squat. Nash
retains. (18:56) Credits are up and
I don't know about you, but if I get a "swerve" every week, *it ain't a swerve no more.* That last match was interesting, but it was still a clustereff, it STILL had close to nil in the way of *wrestling*, and it had another, annoying, infuriatingly predictable "shock" ending that wasn't. To make it worse, the hug completely put out of mind that Bret Hart appearance mere seconds earlier...so why bother to even have it in the first place? "Oh, it'll lead to something down the road," they like to say - well, surely not...if it's FORGOTTEN by then?
WCW had two weeks without competition (well, in that half of the country) - looking over this week and last, can you say that they did what they had to do to keep people from coming back to the WWF next week? The way *I* see it, they worked very hard to suck people into the story...only to piss it away by copping out with the SWERVE - and they managed to do it BOTH weeks! These guys SHOULD have been stopped crying "wolf" a LONG time ago but, more and more, it seems as if this is the only story the braintrust can write.
The ultimate result is "Hey! Finding yourself interested in our sophisticated storylines? Well, tough noogies - it was all a dream! You WASTED your time AND your emotional involvement! Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah." Any idiot *should* be able to see that this is *not* the way to "leave 'em wanting more." But...what do I know? I'm just a recapper.
Still....in this recapper's opinion...they seem to be working VERY hard to ensure that the sixth season of Nitro is the last.
What was I talking about again?
Now, before you get your panties in a wad and write me saying "you'll NEVER be happy," please TRY to look at what I wrote and at least *attempt* to understand where I'm coming from here. If you want to talk about it THEN, write me and we'll talk.
Well, at least Borash got his shot. He wasn't bad. Too bad the Mark wouldn't SHUT UP and let him get a comment in edgewise now and again...