QUICK QUOTES: AOL 55 5/8 (- 5/8), TWX 81 1/4 (+ 15/16), SPLN 14 7/8 (- 2 1/16, last year this time 25 3/8)

Hey Rick, you and me are still right here, baby.

You know what RUINED Fall Brawl for me?

It's not just that they turned Hacksaw Jim Duggan...but they did it in such a way that, even though doing so would completely and utterly go against everything that we've ever seen and known about Duggan for the better part of twenty years, we STILL saw it coming a mile away. When Duggan showed up during the MIA interview in that zebra shirt, the whole pay-per-view turned for me. I can give you a thousand word full-on combination historical summary and diatribe on the why and how of how sad it is, but the truth is, you either already get what I'm saying and no words are necessary, or there's no point in me trying to tell you about it now. Either way, that's all I'll say about Fall Brawl for now.

More and more, WCW seems such a hollow place. Can you see how low it's gone when my way of hoping for the best for this company runs along the lines of "Man, I hope Duggan's heel turn works as well as Sting's and Goldberg's did?" On a night when Booker T wins the title back, instead of thinking "Hey, *now* they're moving in the right direction," I came out of it thinking "Wow, what an empty gesture. You don't think they'll screw him *again* on Nitro, do you?"

By the way, save yourself the angry letter - I'll agree with you right now: I AM biased. You are also perfectly within your rights to think that Fall Brawl was hot shit. It's just...well, I can't agree with you.

Of course, it's been made painfully obvious for most of the past year that, for quite some time, WCW has been looking for a different type of fan. The only problem is, they still have a "wrestling fan" writing this report. Speaking of which...

Opening Credits - the eyes - TV-14-DL

PYRO AWAY! We are LIVE from the Kitchener Close Captioned Colesium in Kitchener, Ont. 18.9.2K

Still shots of last night's elimination match - Paul Orndorff got a legitimate stinger, and it says something that nobody really believed it at first.

ELIMINATION MATCH: RAYMOND STEREO & TYGRYSS v. MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE & PERFECTSHAWN STASIAK & "THE EVENT" CHUCK PALUMBO & "ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS - consider this a restart of last night's match, then - because what's the point in writing an ending if we don't have a chance to have it acted out? Jindrak quickly on Mysterio, into the corner, boot up by Mysterio, sliding under for a kick, broncobuster, into the opposite corner, Mysterio misses when Jindrak goes up to the top rope and over - fireman's carry into a neckbreaker. Tag to O'Haire, into the ropes, double leapfrog, Mysterio slides under O'Haire, gutshot, off the ropes, flipping over Jindrak's back - into an O'Haire powerbomb. Seantonbomb - but Rey pulls Jindrak in front of it! Tygress in to cover Jindrak as Mysterio springs off the top rope, lands on O'Haire's shoulders, and hits the victory roll - double pin! (1:24...or 17:59) Palumbo quickly in to throw rights on Mysterio - into the opposite corner is reversed, off the ropes with a bulldog. Rey tosses his horns and then puts Tygress into the ropes, got her in a body scissors, then picking her up and dropping her in a legdrop onto Palumbo! Tygress holds the legs apart so Mysterio can go up for the nutcracker...but Stasiak leaves the announce position to crotch him. Palumbo catapults Tygress into Rey's crotch. Doubleteam in the ring - Stasiak dumps Mysterio on the ring apron - Mysterio with a gutshot to Stasiak, trying to spring in but Stasiak catches his legs and drapes him over the ropes...Palumbo with the leapfrog and the old Beverly Brothers doubleteam. Stasiak with a right, stomp, stomp, stomp, Palumbo tells him he's got him. Into the ropes, Mysterio tries to spring off the bottom rope, but Palumbo catches him on his shoulders - Mysterio makes it back to his feet and backs up - but into the grip of Stasiak. I bet that'll last *just* until Palumbo tries for the Jungle Kick...whoops, I was wrong, Stasiak eats a right instead. Mysterio with a right, right, whip into the ropes is reversed, Mysterio does his spinny-spinny, but runs into an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Now THE KWEE-WEE comes out and chairs Stasiak. Palumbo puts Mysterio in a double underhook DDT (Slapjack) as Tygress covers Stasiak - 1, 2, 3 (3:41...or 20:16) Palumbo decides that NOW he's gonna argue the double pin nonsense with referee "Blind" Billy Silverman (where was he for the LAST one?) and, in the process, finds himself taken by surprise by a schoolboy from Tygress - 1, 2, 3. Uh huh. (3:54...or 20:29) Mike Sanders FINALLY comes into the match - chop (or slap) from Tygress, chop, forearm, into the ropes is reversed, gutshot by Tygress, going for...well, I dunno, but Sanders reverses and puts her in a press...but she drops down onto his back for a sleeper/choke! Got another hand all over his eyes for good measure. Sanders snapmares her down. Got her up by the hair...Mysterio decides to spring in with a dropkick. Tygress has his head down again...now doing a bump and grind for no apparent reason...facebuster, turning him over, knees on the shoulders and groin on the face - did Sanders just pass out? I wonder how many Filthy Animals have been THERE! 1, 2, 3. (5:09...or 21:44) Tygress is your sole survivor. DE JUICE & KONNAN & DISQO come out to celebrate. I wonder what they had to bump to show this...not that I'm complaining. I'm just curious.

Backstage, Nash proclaims it brutal - they need a coach.

WOW! A DOOR! A DOOR! There's a Goldberg sign next to THAT DOOR! THE DOOR! OOH!

When we come back, Nash has found his way to the Thrillerz' locker room. Jindrak says "I don't get it," and Nash draws it out for them again, spelling out "YOU SUCK" in large letters...then leaving. I liked this bit the first time I saw it - when it was Tim Meadows acting as O.J. Simpson and writing "I DID IT" on the telestrator.

Your hosts include TONY SCHIAVONE & SCOTT HUDSON IS BACK.

Let Us Take You Back to Fall Brawl for still shots of Booker T's steel cage victory over Kevin Nash. Also, Goldberg fell to Scott Steiner, but they didn't bother to tell you how. Maybe it's just as well.

We look backstage as Goldberg's music starts...but exiting the dressing room and flanked by Doug Dillinja and the security folk is VIC VENOM. Russo gets the full-on Goldberg entrance...but for an added touch, tries to get himself lost on the way to the ring.

This portion of WCW Nitro is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily!

Backstage, Steiner and Jarrett tell Nash to go talk to Russo and fix this. "I'm off tonight!" "Since when are you off on Mondays?" "Startin' now."

FRANCHISE & TORRIE SAMUDA hit the ring as we examine some stills from the scaffold match. "Cut the damn music! Cut the damn music! Hey you Canadian jackasses, you should have never doubted the Franchise! I said Kidman and Madusa would fly, and I delivered! Now, you see, I'm satisfied, but this sweet thing here - oh she needs so much more. So I said if there's any couple in the back that have - uh - the guts to take the Pittsburgh Plunge, well come on out...and get your asses Franchised!" (Watch Bull and win $100K.)

Russo does pushups. Nash comes in...and Russo tells him he's got it all figured out. Here's the plan...

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (Savage), Boston Market TV dinners, America (ha!) Online, Hot Pockets from Hot Pockets, Tootsie candies, and Stone Street Cashscam

Russo does some chalk talk to Nash to outline how he can get a title shot tonight. Nash draws out a "BITE ME" because a joke isn't REALLY funny until you RUN IT INTO THE GROUND ("Coming from you, Zed, that ain't sayin' NOTHIN'." "Hey, who invited *you* here?") By the way - Tim Meadows - OJ Simpson - "I DID IT" - Saturday Night Live. Go look it up.

PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with Sting and Booker T. T says he's got respect for Sting, but he needs to get that respect back from him. "See, the rule of thumb on the street is this: Don't start none, it won't be none - now can u dig that?" "Oh yeah, I can dig that, Booker. You got any other one-liners you wanna share with everybody here?" "Whoa whoa whoa whoa hold 'em up, man. What you talkin' 'bout?" "Why don't you get over it - save the intensity for the match, Booker?" "This interview over, man" - then he decks Sting! They get to brawling until Robinson and Johnson come in to break it up. Sting says "booyah" a few times - who knew he was such a RACIST?

Meanwhile, Disqo barges in on the Cat and Mrs. Jones - he carries a "Disqo Duck" with him. "My new visual aid." He stooges on Booker T and Sting, and then tells the Commissioner he sucks. Cat challenges him to a match, and if he wins, he'll let him be commissioner for a day. If Disqo loses, Disqo says, he'll let Cat strip Rey and Juvi of the tag titles. No, it doesn't HAVE to make sense.

Sting beats up some furniture in his dressing room.

Meanwhile, Booker T. broods...and throws some furniture of his own.

CAT v. DISQO (with Disqo Duck) in StipulationMania - backstage, Disqo tells the Animals that all they need to do is the run-in. Of course, Cat watches this on the Nitrotron. "I'll tell you what, Disqo - I want you and your GOOSE to get out here right now. I'm gon' beat yo ass in front of all these people, now get out here. And you know - know what, Filthy Animals, if any one of you guys come near this ring, I'm gonna send your ass home three months without pay, now get yo goose out here." Backstage, we get our reaction shot.

Backstage, Jarrett and Steiner brood. Nash appears and tells them he's out of the match. If they want to talk sense into Russo, they'll have him in the ring. You would THINK that Jarrett and Steiner would be pretty happy about this setup, wouldn't you?

Promotional consideration paid for by the Nitro trading card game, Boston Market Home Style Meals (again), Corn Nuts, America (again!) Online, Motel 6 7/8, and Tootsie candies (again)

Backstage, Disqo hops in his Blazer and drives away - the Animals chase, throw objects, and run away. Hudson misidentifies the Bubble Yum duck as "Winky the Crow"

Our commentators wonder aloud what's up between Sting and Booker T. - who happen to face each other for the title tonight. Who will Vince Russo's tag team partner be?

MIKE TENAY travels to DAVID FLAIR's house - he's slowing going mad again. If this clip looks familiar, you must have been the guy that paid for Fall Brawl last night. Usually, I don't get the opportunity to fast forward through five minutes of Nitro, so I give thanks to whoever made this moment possible. If you've missed it, Flair thinks anyone passing by is the father of Stacy's baby. The mailman (who wears obsolete Post Office togs) gets put in the figure four, and Flair runs off as Tenay works on getting an ambulance for the fallen postman.

When we come back, M.I. SMOOTH is in the ring. "David Flaah!! I know you're back there, and I know you wanna find out who the father is of Stacy's child. If the price is right, ooh yeah, Smooth has something for ya, if the cash is tight, so David Flair, it's about that time to come and see Smooth, 'cause Smooth got something for ya, ha ha!!" DAVID FLAIR sprints to the ring with a crowbar. Smooth brandishes a tape that Kidman "caught the corporate on the diddiotape!" Or something - damn, Smooth is HIDEOUS on the mic. No transcription for you. Smooth says if Flair got some good cash, "the father of the child is on this videotape!" Smooth decides to turn his back to count the money - and Flair waffles him with the golden crowbar and takes off. Geez, he should have taken back the money while he was at it.

Meanwhile, Russo is looking at...something. Steiner and Jarrett barge in as Russo puts it away and pretends to read a "Flex" Magazine. They rip up the magazine and demand to know who his partner is. "What do you think of Kronic?" I think Steiner makes a weed joke here, but I couldn't hear it. Russo tells them to settle down and watch the Booker/Sting match and then they'll talk it over.

NEXT: Booker T is WALKING!

Meanwhile, Sting is WALKING!

And this ad break begins *just* in time for the competition. Oooh, so close.

Flair demands to a crew member that they play the tape now - he refuses, so Flair bops him one with the crowbar.

Meanwhile, Terry Taylor tells Mike Sanders that Russo wants to see him. As the TV-14-DL ratings box appears, Sanders walks in Russo's locker room. Russo asks him to deliver an audiotape to Kronik and "you don't know where it came from." Geez, I hope Kronik isn't WATCHING A MONITOR. Russo tells Sanders he kisses the best ass in the business.

Tune in on Thunder for Mike Tenay's "exclusive interview with Stacey Keibler," aka "Mike Tenay makes sexist comments and desperately tries to get his new persona over"

WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: (THIS IS) STING v. BOOKA T. - What *is* that flag of Cyprus doing in the front row? Bit of a staredown to start. Shove by T. Sting shoves back. NOW the bell rings. Lockup, to the corner, T swtiches, Sting switches back, referee "Blind" Mark Johnson gets the clean break. Lockup, side headlock by T, chain wrestling to a side headlock on the other side, Sting to the hammerlock, into the ropes, powering out, Sting knocks him down. Up and over, leapfrog by T, gutshot by Sting, T holds onto the whip attempt and puts a knee in the gut - off the ropes but Sting clotheslines him before he can try the axe kick. Scoop....and a slam. Off the ropes, but T puts the knees up to counter the splash. Crowd booing T here. Knee for Sting, into the ropes, duck, Harlem sidekick by T, 1, 2, nope. Kick, off the ropes, axe kick hits this time. 1, 2, kickout. Vertical suplex coming up - Sting drops down, though, shot to the side, Scorpion Death Drop attempt, but T turns it around to try for the Book End, but Sting turns THAT over and drops down in an armbar. T crawls to the ropes...and grabs the bottom rope. Stinger splash! Stinger splash number two! T collapses and Sting sets him up for the Scorpion Deathlock - aw shit, JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out (relaxed DQ 2:38) - THAT'S gonna keep the viewers, hah? Jarrett takes it to Sting...but T saves him from the Stroke! This'll bring out WHITE THUNDER, who suplexes T. Sting drops Steiner, Jarrett Kabongs Sting. Jarrett puts Sting in the figure four while Steiner puts T in the Recliner. RING THAT BELL AS IF YOUR VERY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT! Save is made by....nobody.

Backstage, Sanders delivers the tape to Bryan Clark. What's on the tape? Will it keep you from changing channels?

Jeff Jarrett shills Tracfone

Fall Brawl Encore presentation ad - probably *not* "100% LIVE"

Jimmy Hart tells David Flair that Smooth has a VCR in his limo. Flair thanks him - then gives him the crowbar in the back.

Meanwhile, Cat asks Jones if she smells that..."I smell chr-- Kronik, what's up?" They present him with the tape. Apparently, it's Jarrett and Steiner talking trash about them, so they'd like a match tonight. Cat says "I have spoken."

LANCE STORM, ELIX SKIPPER & MAJOR GUNNS hit the ring.

TEAM CANADA (with Maj. Gunns) v. GEN. RECTION & LT. LOCO & CPL. CAJUN (with Sgt. AWOL) - First of all, Canada sucks ass. Second, Duggan's may be a whore, but ultimately *I'M* the sucker for ever investing any kind of emotion in the man. It's silly, really - you'd think that I'm much too old to actually feel betrayal from a wrestler - hey, I said I wasn't gonna talk about this. Anyway, Duggan swings the 2x4 with reckless abandon and pins Rection (3:28) - post-match, Storm sets up a chair for Duggan to take one more board swing and Pillmanise Rection's ankle.

Meanwhile, Steiner and Jarrett pay ANOTHER visit to Russo, who will never finish that magazine at this rate. Jarrett smells a rat. Too bad he wasn't watching the monitor earlier, eh? After they leave, Russo says "I've got to go talk to him..."

Close Captioning sponsored by Meineke. Yes, Meineke.

Mike Awesome's bus pulls up and out come Awesome...and Gary Coleman. He tries to apologise once again for last night. "You set me up, you bastard - and that Jarrett's gonna get his too!" Then he walks off - because apparently he decided to spend 24 hours with Awesome so he could make a scene *when the cameras were rolling.* Anyway, we follow Awesome as he starts WALKING! away...in the background, we see Vampiro and the ICP scope out the bus...

KRONI(backwards K) v. ? - It's KEVIN NASH's music playing and he leads out the NATYRYL BORN THRYLLYRZ. "You know, Kronik, you guys might want Jarrett and Steiner, but you know deep down inside you're not even in the same league as those guys. I've got a group of young lions out here wantin' to prove themselves - so guys, give me right now two volunteers to go out and face Kronik." Everybody takes a step back except Sanders and Johnny (who's tying his boots) - they do the Wonder Twin powers salute and run to the ring. Watch Bull and win $100K! It takes a whopping thirty seconds for them to run through those two. Here comes Reno and Palumbo. There goes Reno. There goes Palumbo. First High Times of the segment. Nash makes faces. Jindak & O'Haire approach the ring...but as Kronik look their way,

Backstage, Russo is WALKING! He knocks on a door. Whose door? Gosh, if ONLY it had one of those pieces of papers with a name on it like EVERY OTHER DOOR WE'VE EVER SEEN FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS

Jeff Jarrett, Tracfone, you know

Mike Awesome tries to hit on Pamela Paulshock, but 3 Count appears and tell him his bus looks wack - Awesome goes out to find that Vampiro and the ICP have tagged his bus - well, "MIKE MEDIOCRE" is pretty funny, anyway

Meanwhile, we find out that it's Sting's dressing room as Russo enters - Sting is ready to throttle him, but Russo asks him to please hear him out. "You got thirty seconds." Russo begs him to be his partner. If he wants Jarrett, and if he wants a shot at the WCW championship, he'd say yes. "You know what? Maybe it's right what they're saying about you? Maybe you just don't have any heart anymore. Have a nice day." Sting grabs his neck again. "You don't think I have any heart?! We'll find out, it's SHOWTIME, Vince!" Vince breaks into a smile...

THAT 70'S GUY AWESOME MULLET hits the ring as we notice a cart of plundah outside the ring. Next Monday, a Miss WCW swimsuit contest! Howard Stern's cru might be involved - whoopee! "Normally, I'm a happy guy. But after what I've seen done to my bus by Vampiro and ICP, there is no way that I can be happy. I am sick and tired of everyone messin' with my bus! That is the Awesome Lovemobile. So I tell you what - Vampiro, bring your ass down here, because I challenge you to a hardcore match! And do me a favour, leave your sissy lookin' clowns in the back!"

THAT LAME GIMMICK AWESOME MULLET v. JOBBIN' JUGGALO in a hardcore match - Kendo stick, kendo stick, kendo stick, and so on. Awesome DOES bust out a nice overhead belly-to-belly from a bearhug. There's a nice no-hands tope as well. Time for some plunder spots. Garbage can lid, yes. Another kendo stick. Now, for some reason, Awesome ignores the weapons and just puts Vampiro over the rail and into the crowd. Into a...maybe a penalty box? Vampiro with a plancha from a rail to the floor. "Holy shit" chant is duly muted out. Back over the rail we go and back out to ringside. Into the rail. Awesome with a gutshot, crutch shot, another crutch (shrapnel flying several rows back), cookie sheet, table set up, shovel broken over Vampiro's back. Yeah, don't put him through the table, just roll him in instead. As Awesome sits on top, Vampiro over with a gutshot - blows traded - jostling for position on top...Awesome shoves him away back into the ring, then flies with a clothesline. "Table!" Going for the Awesomebomb, but Vampiro drops to his feet, ducks a clothesline, and gives Awesome a garbage can to the head. Into the ropes, Awesome with a knee, clubbing blow, catching a kick and kicking him in the jimmy. Awesomebomb attempt #2 - this one works, and Vampiro goes over the top down through the table to the floor. Another "holy shit" chant is muted because WCW SUCKS. Awesome covers out on the floor, and referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker puts on the count...1, 2, 3. (5:21)

Backstage, Booker T enters Russo's locker room. "Stinger, is that you? I'll be out in a minute." We watch Booker make faces...Russo comes out. "Booker...." We take another look at Booker - and disappear

The 1-800-CAL-LATT Road Report sez: Nitro in Long Island next Monday!

Jeff Jarrett has one more Tracfone to sell

Another program note for Thunder - Stacey SPEAKS! Because, by God, you AIN'T watching Thunder for WRESTLING!

WHITE THUNDER (with Midajah) and JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (with Fall Brawl stills) v. (THIS IS) STING and VIC VENOM, winner of the fall gets a title shot - Gary Coleman is a UGO.com columnist, apparently. Say, isn't 1wrestling a UGO affiliate? Come to think of it, isn't the Pro Wrestling Torch a UGO affiliate? HEY! Now the Torch's glowing review of Fall Brawl seems to fall into place, doesn't it? Geez, I remember when those guys seemed *impartial.* "Not Iron Man" plays, but it's BOOKA T. and not Russo coming out - they rush the ring and it's a Pier Four brawl...and my VCR cut out on me. Sorry!

Fortunately (?), I caught the end of the match on the replay (but not on tape). Sting and Jarrett brawled up the aisle, where KRONIK appeared and took a measure of revenge on Jarrett. After they all disappeared, we looked back *in* the ring, where T removed Steiner's protective mask and went for the Ten Punch Count Along on the exposed face, but Steiner managed to use his impressive array of low blows to turn it around on the Champ, *then* clamped on the Steiner Recliner. Before Booker would tap, however, VIC VENOM came out limping, his shirt torn, carrying a baseball bat, and getting in the ring. Steiner broke the hold to accost Russo, and somehow the bat flew across the ring, where T got a hold of it. One swing across the face later and Steiner was out cold. But rather than cover and have us wonder what would happen to the shot, T put *Russo* on top for the 1, 2, 3. (around 8 minutes?) "Yo Russo, I'll see you next Monday. Now can u dig that?" Credits are up...and we're out.

It's not that there are more plot holes than a block of swiss cheese - it's that they are so EASILY spotted and READILY apparent...to everybody, seemingly, but the very author of the plot. What's worse than hating? NOT CARING. Chew on THAT. I'm outta here.