TV-14-DL - a white limo pulls up - hey, that steering wheel's on the wrong side! The chauffer stops, opens the back door, and out walks.....could it be? Well, no. Wearing the bright coloured pants and jacket and facepaint is NOT Sting, but Jeff Jarrett, dressed as Sting. "It's showtime, Australia!"

Here's some scenic video of Queensland - and the close captioned logo - see that koala? He hates QANTAS

And here's a look at the outside of the Brisbane Entertainment Center - where tonight - it's time for NITRO!

Opening Credits

Hit the PYRO for the 14K plus - we are on tape from the Entertainment Center in Brisbane, Australia airing 9.10.2K on TNT (taped 7.10) - THIS - is Nitro!

"PRIMETIME" ELIX SKIPPER v. RAYMOND STEREO (with Tygryss) - Skipper has new music - hey, what's worse than "Party Up?" A *ripoff* of "Party Up!" Hey, a smokin' light heavyweight matchup to start the show? Kind of a throwback, wouldn't you say? Let's watch. Skipper goes behind, full nelson, Mysterio escapes, Skipper follows through into a hammerlock. And there's a reversal and Mysterio has the hammerlock. Skipper with a back elbow...and a bit of smack talk. A shove for each man. Another shove by Skipper. Skipper stands over Mysterio, who manages a knucklelock, boots on the stomach, rolling up, BIG body scissors takeover that flips Skipper to the mat! Into the ropes, leapfrog, dropping down, Skipper backflips off the second rope - nobody there, so he lands on his feet - big spinning heel kick takes Mysterio down! Into the ropes, Mysterio flips over and onto the apron - Skipper with a sunset flip over the top rope to the floor! Ow! Mysterio rolled back in - Skipper over the top rope - but no water in the pool and he belly flops onto the mat. Mysterio to the outside - top rope - springboard guillotine! Cover - 1, 2, no. Into the ropes is reveresd, Mysterio's quebrada is caught - on the shoulder, but Mysterio ends up putting Skipper's head into the buckle - Rocker Dropper, but no cover. Snapmare - split-legged moonsault off the top rope gets 2. Right hand. Off the ropes, body scissors, Skipper crotches him on the top rope. Skipper to the top turnbuckle, walking the top rope, tippling, toppling, struggling to stay up and keep his balance- I think he WANTED to hit a rana, but instead ended up sitting on him, both of them tipping backwards with Rey keeping himself hooked on the top rope, almost in a solo tarantula - lucky he didn't snap his neck in the process. Skipper finally gets off Mysterio, allowing him to fall to the floor. Skipper outside, with an elbow, putting him back in. Death suplex. Skipper handstand on the top rope, dropping the leg - and getting 2. Skipper with a headlock, to a knucklelock - Rey punches out - to the ropes, top rope headscissors! Off the ropes, clothesline. Mysterio still on him - dropkick. Off the ropes with a big right. Right, right, and Skipper goes through the ropes to the floor. Dropkick between the ropes - Mysterio off the top with a somersault plancha! Skipper put back onto the apron - Mysterio through the legs and back in the ring - Skipper manages a shoulderblock, but misses a springboard plancha. Skipper put in the corner - broncobuster finds the mark. Have I mentioned Tygress SUCKS on commentary? Just in time, we look to the commentary table where TORRIE SAMUDA has made her way through the crowd, over the rail and into Tygress' hair. Poor Stevie Ray has to sit there and listen to the Mark stealing his "yak" line. Meanwhile, the cameras miss...apparently, it was a flying clothesline from Skipper. Into the ropes, Mysterio does his trademark spin, trips on his baggy pants, gutshot by Skipper, Overdrive - 1, 2, 3. (5:59) Apparently, the Overdrive is now called the "Play of the Week" - my bad.

Backstage, the Boogie Knights congratulate Franchise on having such a cool chick. Wow, how'd she get from THERE to THERE so fast? Franchise makes a big deal out of saying that later, Torrie's ass is getting "Franchised."

Meanwhile, the Natural Born Thrillers are WALKING!

A bloodmobile pulls up when we return - David Flair exits it - and now, he's WALKING!

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6/7 OF THE NATYRAL BORN THRYLLYRZ are out to make noise. Reno's apparently been denied entry into Australia - aw, shucks. Sanders: "Now, before I got making some big acceptance speech on being the new

Disqo practices the Alex Wright tanz in front of a mirror, while Wright does the Alex Wright dance nearby. The Boogie Knights get a tag team title shot - tonoight!

Backstage, Stacey Keibler exits a Porsche - hey, that steering wheel is on the wrong side! Now, she's WALKING!

When we come back, Jarrett walks around doing his Sting impersonation. This is actually kinda funny. "Owwwwwww!"

WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE (already in the ring) v. BOOGIE KNIGHTS (with Disqo Duck) - oh oh, when the champions not only enter first, but get the *jobber* treatment, you KNOW something's up. Knights have pretty damn cool music - somebody probably will get fired from that. 20 days until Havoc - if you don't believe me, lookit this graphic! Jindrak and Wright start - knee, right, hammerlock by Wright. Reversal by Jindrak, backed up to the unfriendly corner, clean break by Wright but kidney punches by Disqo. Is he still Disqo or is he back to Disco? And do you care? Right by Wright - knife-edge chop (woooo!), chop, head to the buckle, into the opposite corner, big back elbow. Into the opposite corner is reversed, boot up by Wright, Jindrak with a tilt-a-whirl, ever so close to dropping him on his head. Jindrak takes a stab at the Alex Wright dance, so Disqo comes in and waffles him with the duck. Spinning heel kick by Wright. Half gutwrench/half death suplex gets 2 - O'Haire breaks it up. Tag to Disqo - crowd cheers! Snap suplex by Wright, Disqo on the second rope...and coming off with a forearm drop. Teasing O'Haire...back to Jindrak - into the ropes, reversed, knee in the back by O'Haire, clothesine by Jindrak. Tag. Into the ropes, O'Haire leapfrog, Jindrak like wall, Disqo bounces off and back to O'Haire...scoop...and a slam. O'Haire mounts him - open-handed slap - Disqo punch drunk. Spin kick by O'Haire, right, tag to Jindrak. In the corner, doubleteam stomping. Double overhand toss. Jindrak sets him up for the Seantonbomb - but Wright crotches him before he can take off. Jindrak stomps away, into the ropes, dropkick - nope. Tag to Wright, into position for a side Russian legsweep by Disqo, set in motion by a Wright missle dropkick. 1, 2, no. NBA starts 1 November! Disqo tosses O'Haire. Into the ropes, atomic drop for Jindrak by Disqo, dropkick by Wright - 1, 2, NO! Chop, into the ropes is reversed, O'Haire trips him up from the oustide, elbowdrop to the back by Jindrak. O'Haire in - double atomic drop, double dropkick! Tony: "Shades of the old Rock and Roll Express." Stevie Ray: "The who?" O'Haire with a right hand, into the ropes, dropping down for a gutshot, kneelift. Holding back the leg for an unorthodox tag, jawbreaker by O'Haire, Jindrak comes in with a top rope clothesline. 1, 2, no.

Stacey Keibler is WALKING!

Meanwhile, Goldberg gets off a motorcycle (hey, that steering wheel is on the...oh, wait) and now he too is WALKING!

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (no Savage), Tootsie candies, Geico, and Geico (again)

Here's a Special Video Look at the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary. "I hate QANTAS." There's a Tasmanian devil. There's the Nitro Grrls feeding the kangaroos. There's Pamela Paulshock feeding some kangaroos. Let's move on?

"Hi, I'm Sting. Remember me? I'm the guy with no heart! I'm the guy who's no longer hungry! I'm the guy who's finished! Who's done! Why should I want to give the fans their money's worth when I can be in a movie with Daisy Fuentes? Buy the Stinger MasterCard now!" He then hits a smilin' pose that I hope DDT Digest has captured for me to steal

THE MARK stands in the ring and welcomes out STACEY KEIBLER. Should pregnant women be flying from America to Australia? Everybody decides that she's showing. Asking if he can touch her belly, Mark gets dissed. Mark takes a couple hundred words to ask who the father is. "Well, you know what, I'm gonna be real polite, I'm gonna be real polite in saying this...but um, Mark, it's none of your business, or any of your business here. But, but while I have a second I'd like to say something to someone that I, I really care about. Umm, David, this needs to stop. You're running around here like a crazy person implicating people that are innocent. And if you want to blame anyone, blame me. And I made a mistake, and I'm sorry. But I still love you. I do, I still love you, but please, please, for the sake of me and my unborn child, please stop this madness, running around here...." Mark takes the Tenay role by asking if she won't give it up because she can't remember (no), because she was inebriated (no), because there's been so many men she just doesn't know, honey (this interview is over!) Cue DAVID FLAIR who comes out as Stacey smiles. Big hug - no, Flair ducks it. Keibler tries to appeal to him, but Flair is more interested in learning what it is about Buff Bagwell she likes so much - his muscles, his top hat, or his dance? She says it was just innocent flirting on the tape. Flair demands a blood test and fishes around for...blood test stuff, I guess. CROWBAR comes out and asks Flair to calm down. "We've been through a lot here - and you're hurting." Flair tells Crowbar he was always jealous of him when he was with Daffney. Crowbar ignores this and asks him to come backstage and they can talk about this like the old times. Flair turns to leave, but as soon as Crowbar turns his back, he punks him out. THAT 70'S MULLET comes out to make the save. Woof woof. Play his music!

Backstage, Safari Tygress is WALKING!

Meanwhile, Safari Samuda is WALKING!

Halloween Havoc ad

SAM GRECO sits in the first row. He's got something to do with K-1 or something.

TYGRYSS v. TORRIE SAMUDA in a Down Underwear match - "Brotha, if you're gonna use 'em, use 'em like this." Take a drink every time somebody says "yak." "It's on like Donkey Kong now!" Basketball in three weeks and a bit! Vaderbomb from Tygress meets the knees. A strippin' we will go. Tygress' top off - Wilson's shorts off. Faceful o' stuff by Tygress. Wilson blocks and slaps. Tygress has the top, though - it's over. I think. (1:56) OH NO SHE'S IN A SWIMSUIT OH NO - FRANCHISE is out to cover his woman and hold Tygress, frozen, in the Franchiser position as long as it takes for KONNAN to come out and save her. Play his music...again! "Hey, let's see if you understand this - hey jackass! Get ready to get Franchised, ha ha! Yo yo yo, let me speak on this! Orale! Arriba la raza!"

Backstage, Vito catches up to "Commissioner Hiney-wipe" - "Mr. Stromboli Holder" says he's got a special match for him tonight. Vito says it doesn't matter who it is, 'cause he's got big nuts. Or something.

Promtional consideration paid for by Tootsie candies (again), the Nitro trading card game, "Toy Story 2" on video and DVD, and Tootsie candies (again again)

(THIS IS) JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (with TV-14-DL ratings box) walks out to Metallica. What happened to "A Man Called Sting," huh? Jarrett hands a note to ring announcer DAVID PENZER. Hey, Halloween Havoc is in 20 days - the graphic don't lie! "You're joking, right? Okay. For those in attendance here in Brisbane, and the millions watching around the world, I, David Penzer, am proud to introduce the one - the only - the original - the man they call Sting!" "Owwwwww!" "Jeff, they know it's you." Jarrett threatens a backhand. "Give it up for the Stinger, folks!" Crowd boos. Jarrett leads some rhythmic clapping and takes the stick. "We want Sting!" "You got me right here, standing in the ring. Give it up for the one - the only - the original Sting - owwwwwww! The Sting BEFORE he lost his heart. Now before I get down to business and sign some autographs and make some money off these little rugrats...I mean, Stingers, I've got a major announcement to make. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, take a real good look at the Stinger, because when the Chosen One, Jeff Jarrett beats the living hell outta me, puts the Stroke on me, and pins me 1, 2, 3 at Halloween Havoc, I'm gonna do what I should have done YEARS ago - and that's retire. Owwwwww! So for right now, I'm gonna do one last good gesture for all my little Stingers - I'm gonna sign some autographs. That's right - I may have lost my heart, may lost my smile, but I gotta cash in while I got the chance. Imagine how much my autograph's gonna be worth when I'm finally gone! So come on up here, you little mutants - I mean Stingers - get Mom and Daddy's money, get your fifteen bucks and come up on here in the ring, 'cause I've got some autographs to sign. We got time for everybody - we got time for..." A rope appears behind him - must mean (THIS IS) STING is rappelling down the ring. Yep...very slooooooowly. Jarrett stands nose to nose and puts on the badmouth - then hits the roaring lion pose behind Sting's back. So Sting turns around and punches him a lot. Outside we go,

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When we come back, Scott Steiner is WALKING! He spots Jarrett getting worked on by the trainer. "What happened?" "Sting got me." "I'll take care of Sting!"

"ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS is out. "Listen up, Brisbane - now you know I don't play games. So when the Cat told me to get some backup, I got me seven feet of ass-wippin' Big Nasty." It's Corliss Williamson! It's Cor-- oh, no, it's KEVIN NASH. CAT (and Mz. Jonez) are out. Sanders got his grandma, he's got his partner, and he's got six words for you: save the drama fer yo momma...

"ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS & KEVIN NASH v. CAT (with Mz. Jonez) & BOOKA T. - Nash reinjures knee stepping through the ropes. Sanders and T lock up, side headlock by T, chain wrestling to the opposite side, Sanders elbows out, powers out, shoulderblock by T. Ducking a clothesline, spin kick to Sanders. Sam Greco is watching intently - expect a run-in from him tonight, ah do. Arm wringer, tag to Cat, into the ropes, double clothesline. Cat with an arm wringer, back kick, kick, kick, front kick, kick, into the ropes, head down, sunset flip attempt by Sanders, Cat fights it, chops his crotch, karate chop, breakdancing elbow, pose. Into the ropes, reversed, forearm from behind by Nash. T wants in but referee "Blind" Charles Robinson holds him at bay. Sanders with stomps and chokes behind the ref's back. Sanders with a snapmare - off the ropes with a big kick to the chest. We look at the crowd (an edit?), and when we come back, Sanders hits his dancing fistdrop. Tag to Nash. Cat and Sanders trade blows, but Nash strikes from behind to turn it back around. Big sidewalk slam gets 2. Shot for T, distracting him and Robinson - shot to Cat, fake tag, Sanders chokes away. Kneedrop. Knee. Cat punches back, Sanders rakes the face. Into the ropes, reversed, double clothesline and both men are down. We cut to the crowd during this ten count...neither man gets past "up to his knees" after 9 but Robinson stops anyway - sigh. Tag to T, tag to Nash - duck, they're blacking out a sign in the crowd and it's distracting me, Harlem sidekick, punch for Sanders, right to Nash, right, into the ropes, clothesline, Sanders with a gutshot, clubbing forearm, forearm, gutshot, off the ropes, Harlem sidekick. Oh, I see - all these crowd shots are to keep us from seeing that sign in the crowd. Golly, I wonder what it says. T ducks a clothesline - in position for the Book End - but Cat wants in. So Cat's in as T delivers a knee instead. Into the corner, Feliner as Sanders comes out - Cat covers - 1, 2, 3. No, I don't think either man was legal. Oh well. (4:33) Post-match, Cat walks over to Greco and makes some moves...Sanders attacks him from behind while WHITE THUNDER hits the ring to put the lead pipe to T. "Hey Booker T! I don't have a crystal ball and I can't see the foresee - see the future, but I guarantee you one thing (boy), at Halloween Havoc I'm gonna kick your ass!" Big pipe to the gut. "Seeing as you're in no shape to wrestle tonight - Sting! You son of a bitch! I want you tonight, Sting, right here! Tonight, in this ring! I'm gonna beat your ass, and them I'm comin' out there and beatin' every one of you up!" Play his music!

Paulshock asks David Flair what he was thinking out there. Flair challenges Mike Awesome to a hardcore match. Yup.

Goldberg plays with rubber bands! NEXT!

Jeff Jarrett shills the TracFone - suitable for calling yo momma

Paulshock stands with Big Vito - a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do - this is his big chance to take out Goldberg, a man he does not sweat. They're friends, but they got business in the ring. This is a real treat for the fans! No, really, he said that. After the match is over, they'll shake hands. Woof.

BIG VITO v. COLD BEER (entrance: 1:25) - Wow, Australians can't correctly spell "you're" on their signs either! Vito stomps as he enters, pounds, right, right, right, whip into the ropes, reversed, trying for a Meltdown, but Vito falls backwards off the shoulder onto his feet, Mafia kick, no sell, spear, NBA starts 1 November, jackhammer, 1, 2, 3. (0:38) Goldberg is 4-0. Stevie Ray: "You never know when that jackhammer is coming." Me: "Umm, after the spear?" Goldberg leaves the ring without shaking his hand! Post-match, JOHNNY "THE BULL" hits the ring to give Vito a taste of that kendo stick. Goldberg turns back, duck, gutshot, pumphandle - whoops, needs a second try (I think he must have been swearing here as it's muted) - then throws him over his shoulder! Spear! Hey, I never know when the jackhammer is coming...oh, wait, there it is. Count it - 1, 2, 3. (no opening bell - call it 0:53) Why yes, they DO count that towards the record. 5-0. Now the music of KRONI>| interrupts things. Vito and Goldberg finally have that hug before they come out. Halloween Havoc is 20 days away! Whoops, before we see if anything happens, we take an ad break.

Close captioning where available sponsored by Meineke!

Outside the arena - WOW! A CAR PULLS UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hey, that steering wheel was on the wrong side of that car. (The more I say this, the FUNNIER it gets)

THAT 70'S MULLET v. DAVID FLAIR in a hardcore match - I'm in the middle of a coughing fit here - let me get break it down thusly - garbage can, garbage can, garbage can, the fatter the commentator, the bigger the idiot. FLAIR FLIP!!

Backstage, Major Gunns asks Kwee-wee for some wardrobe advice, but before she can take it, Lance Storm shows up and pulls her away. WOW!

Jeff Jarrett is with the TracFone

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WCW UNITED STATES HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: LANCE STORM (with Elix Skipper & Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Major Gunns & 20 Days Until Halloween Havoc) v. KONNAN (with Raymond Stereo & Tygryss - say, where's Juventud Guerrera? Yuk yuk yuk) - "If I can be serious for a minute...don't think for one second that because you're not American, I have any more tolerance for you than I do for them. The truth is, Primetime's out here with the tape tonight, 'cause I heard we had a local ring crew, and I wanted to make sure it wasn't the same inept Aussie morons that set up the gymnastic equipment at the Olympics! I knew it - the top rope is an inch and a half too low. If being right was an Olympic event, I'd have a gold medal! Try to get one thing right and all rise for the playing of the Canadian national anthem!" I guess if I'd seen the Olympics, I'd get that joke (no, DON'T write and explain it to me). First man to talk over the anthem is Stevie Ray - SHAME! Anthem lasts (:27) In case you're wondering where Guerrera is, he likes "X" - or is it "E" - I always forget. Duggan barks randomly - boy, HIS heart is in it. He lets out a "HOOOOO" just for kicks. Lockup, arm wringer by Storm, reversed, armdrag takeover, another armdrag, Konnan rolls over, Storm counters, arm wringer, Konnan tumbles, Storm floats over, both men back up, arm wringer, front flip by Konnan, armdrag. We see Team Canada heading backstage - I guess to punish Gunns. Oh, apparently referee "Blind" Charles Robinson sent all the seconds away when I wasn't paying attention, okay. Side headlock by Storm, powered out, Storm slides under, back elbow, into the ropes, Konnan holding on, gutshot, La Magistral cradle for 2. Back elbow by Storm. Shoulder sent into the ringpost. Vertical suplex - 1, 2, kickout. Storm stomps. Stomp. Storm slapping him and taunting - Konnan punches back - jawbreaker by Storm, dropkick. Head to the turnbuckle. Winding up the big right hand. Words for Robinson. Storm still in command - backbreaker across the knee - 1, 2, kickout. Vertical suplex attempt is countered with an inside cradle - 2 for Konnan. Double clothesline and both men are down. Storm up at 5 - scoop...and a slam.

Look! It's Sting! And he's WALKING!

Meanwhile, Steiner is pumping up with the same apparatus Goldberg was using. Guess he didn't need it any more. NEXT!

Jeff Jarrett's still got some TracFones to shill

Halloween Havoc ad

Thunder takes place in Sydney! Actually, it's already taken place, since the taping was today. But, on TBS...well, you know.

WHITE THUNDER (with Midajah) v. (THIS IS) STING - Before the match begins, JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET comes out in the zebra shirt - apparently, he's been deemed the special guest referee. Stevie Ray (to Steiner): "GIT yo ass outta here!" Sting decides to take a swipe at Jarrett, but before he can, Steiner is back in the ring, pulling back Sting as Jarrett kicks at him. Steiner with a kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, chop, opening bell rings, into the opposite corner, elbow up by Sting. Sting kick, kick, right, right, Jarrett hooks his arm and Steiner hits a knee. Clubbing forearm. Sting thrown through the ropes - Steiner follows - whip into the rail is reversed - shot for Jarrett on the outside. Jarrett put in the ring, into the ropes, hiptoss, clothesline, clothesline for Steiner as he comes back in, atomic drop for Jarrett, call to the crowd - Ten Punch Count Along stops at 3 as he jumps off with a flying clothesline for Jarrett. Jarrett whipped into Steiner, no reversal, Steiner catches with a belly-to-belly - fast count but Sting manages to kick out at 2. Steiner with a backbreaker across the knee. Scoop...and a tie to the Tree of Woe - Jarrett holding onto the legs as Steiner pulls on the neck. Jarrett stomps for good measure. Here comes Billy Silverman - there goes Billy Silverman. Military press...and drop. Steiner rolls him over and covers Sting - 1, 2, no. Off the ropes with a stomp. Off the ropes with a...stomp. Kick. Did Steiner just say he ain't shit? Blockbuster suplex. Steiner doing pushups and showing off the guns. 20 days away! Stomp. Head to the buckle is blocked, blocked, Sting with a gutshot, head to the buckle, again, again, Steiner's trick knee acts up. Steiner stomps. Sting put in the corner, kick in the gut, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, some more pushups. Sting with a gutshot, right, kick, right, coming back, no, Steiner to the eyes - into the corner, but Sting puts up a boot! Stinger splash! Stinger splash - but Jarrett stands in the way - so Sting decks him. Sting outside for Steiner - into the rail. Poor Silverman is still lying out there. Steiner with the lead pipe - whack. Sting probably shouldn't have been paying attention to Jarrett there. Into the STEEL steps - well, they missed, but Sting pretended to glance off it as he went over. Sting and Jarrett whip Sting into the steps. They roll him back in the ring. 1, 2, I think a save was supposed to be made here but, as usual, they're a few steps too slow, so Sting has to kick out - just before CAT pulls Jarrett out - BOOKA T. is with him and HE'S wearing the stripes as well. Steiner with a big suplex - 1, 2, T stands up and puts his hands on his hips. Steiner looks up - hey, that ain't Jarrett - Jarrett is white! Clothesline ducked, another ducked, Harlem superkick into a Scorpion Death Drop! 1, 2, 3! (6:52) Credits are up and we're outta time!

Glorified house show, but still a lot better wrestling-wise than the storyline-laden stuff we've had to put up with recently. Do you get the sense that they're going to try to tread water until the big news hits? Dunno...for now, I'll enjoy the wrestling.