QUICK QUOTES: AOL 52.61 (+ 1.51), TWX 77.80 (- 6.70). Reuters actually released a story saying that WCW specifically would have a negative effect on TWX third quarter earnings. (I was told that if I managed to work some cross-promotion - a CBS Marketwatch link - into this paragraph, they'd give me a cookie.)

Meanwhile, SPLN scrapes 52-week lows at 9 35/64 (- 1 29/64 - last year this time 25 1/4). I forget, do we get paid in cash or in options? I forget, do we get paid? SportsLine.com announces their earnings Thursday - how do YOU think they did if the stock price is this low? (Hint: We're still waiting for that WrestleLine press release - now's the time to buy!!)

Here's some exterior shots of Melbourne, ja! This show is rated TV-14-DL and here's a look at the Rod Laver Arena at Melbourne Park - stand by for NITRO!

Opening Credits - close captioned

Hit the PYRO - this is the last sellout crowd you'll see for a while at a WCW event - it's 16.10.2K and THIS is TNT's WCW Monday Nitro (taped 13.10) from Australia!

WCW WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: BOOGIE KNIGHTS (with Disqo Duck) v. MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE - Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where these guys won the titles, except for Mike Sanders restarting the match. Wright dusts off the old "Achtung achtung hier ist Alex Wright" bit and tells Australia that they're the best. "Well put, Alex." Disqo says that they had a chat with the Cat, and the Thrillers are barred from ringside, and Sanders can't interfere in this match because the decision will be final! Champs jump them from behind, then. Double into the ropes, double reversal, double high knee. Wright takes O'Haire into the ropes, gutshot, swinging neckbreaker by Disqo...for 1. That's a GIANT Nitro logo in the corner, isn't it? Into the corner, back elbow up by O'Haire - Wright with a powerslam for 2. Tag to Disqo, snapmare, Disqo with a second rope forearm for 2. Shot for Jindrak to bring him in and distract referee "Blind" Billy Silverman. Into the ropes, duck, waistlock, to the ropes, Jindrak with a blind shot, O'Haire with a clothesline. Laying into him with rights, Wright in - O'Haire trying to go after him, then go after Silverman - Jindrak stops him. Into the ropes, double leapfrog, dropkick by Jindrak. Big shot for Disqo. Into the ropes, head down, elbow by Disqo. Second rope...but O'Haire is over with a standing kick to the head. Jindrak with a chop, sat up on top, right, right, leaping up and coming off with a Frankensteiner - Wright saves at 2. Double atomic drop as O'Haire comes in - chop. Elbow by Jindrak - dropkick misses when Disqo holds on - tag to Wright for the missile dropkick, dropkick for O'Haire, clothesline for Jindrak, side kick misses O'Haire but hits Silverman. Disqo with a DDT for O'Haire. All four men in the ring - check that, Wright and O'Haire outside. Tilt-a-while slam by Jindrak - going up top, springboard splash misses, Disqo with the Chartbuster, but KRONI>| are out - Adams with a full nelson uranage. Wright gets a gutshot from Clark, and High Time. Why yes, Silverman is STILL out. Some marijuana jokes apparently get muted here. Seantonbomb almost missed by the cameraman - Jindrak covers Wright as O'Haire wakes up Silverman - 1, 2, 3. (4:16)

Sanders, Palumbo, Stasiak and Nash share a moment in the locker room. Nash tells them to go tell Cat Nash ain't workin' tonight, or something. Maybe something about Sting, too. I got no TIME for this.

Meanwhile, Goldberg pulls up on his bike - what, no helmet?

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (no Savage), Tootsie candies, America (ha!) Online, Geico, and Geico (again)

Jones tries to get uppity with the Thrillers - Sanders makes his case to the Cat. Cat says something that gets muted. After discussion about Sting's treatment of Nash of late, Sanders books a Sting/Nash match, apparently having forgotten what Nash told him before the break. Cat says he's gonna make it a lumberjack match while they're at it. Also, he's got a big surprise for Sanders later tonight...

LANCE STORM & ELIX SKIPPER & HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN (with Major Gunns) v. LT. LOCO & CORP. CAJUN & SGT. A-WALL - You know that guy with the "LANCE, WE HATE YANKS TOO!" sign? He paid an *American* company to sit there. Oh, look, they're airbrushing out middle fingers. "If I can be serious for a minute, I need your undivided, respectful attention. This is my second Nitro from Australia, and to be honest, this country's wearing on me. If I see one more cricket match and hear one more 'g'day mate,' I'm gonna be sick! The only reason I'm out here is to give General Rection a preveiew of what's in store for him at Halloween Havoc when Team Canada takes out his three MIA teammates! Quiet down - and rise for the Canadian national anthem!" First man to speak over the anthem is Stevie Ray - SHAME!

Hey look! It's Sting! And he's WALKING!

Halloween Havoc ad - "you will see something you cannot imagine" - what, Vince McMahon walking out and taking charge? I can imagine that. I can imagine that quite easily.

"Bill Goldberg: the Man behind the Muscle" will air Sunday at 9PM Eastern on CNN - here's a clip.

FRANCHISE (with Torrie Samuda) is out. "Cut the damn music! Now I've been stuck for the past week in this third world hellhole of a rock you call a country. Instead of getting the respect that I deserve, you Aussies are a bit upset because my country came down under and kicked your collective Aussie asses!" Airbrush the middle fingers! Obscure the naughty chant! "Okay, that's the way you want it - Konnan, now I'm in a bad mood. Since I'm stuck on this hellhole of a rock, I've not been able to think of anything but kickin' your (something muted). Now why don't you come down here with what's left of that ragtag group you call the Filthy Animals, I'll Franchise all your asses right here, right now. Hey Konnan, you feel lucky? 'Cause I sure as hell do. Now get your ass out here and take your ass Franchise..." The music hits and out come the last three. "HEY FRANCHISE HAHAHAHA - hey, you come out here talking about you want a handicap match, I don't think that's real far, seeing as you have a headstart being mentally handicapped at all. But after we're done bouncing your ass all over Melbourne, Australia (Crowd: "He said Melbourne!"), I'm gonna take care of a big problem you have. You see, Torrie Wilson has a look on her face like you haven't been serving her right, so I'm gonna rectify that." Ray proclaims it "on like Donkey Kong."

FRANCHISE (with Torrie Samuda) v. KONNAN & RAYMOND STEREO & TYGRYSS - Tygress with a broncobuster, Rey with one onto that stack. Franchise pulls Torrie between himself and Konnan on the outside - Konnan pulls her aside, and Franchise maces him - then maces Mysterio - Juventud Guerrera having alreayd received his mace LAST week. Wilson puts Tygress into the safety rail. Chained fist for Konnan. Back in the ring where Mysterio is blinded - referee "Blind" Charles Robinson calls for the bell - huh. (relaxed DQ 1:21) Konnan gets cuffed. Back over to Mysterio...Franchise taunting Konnan - shoulderbreaker for Mysterio! Robinson protects Rey from further punishment - a bit too late, of course.

Backstage, Perfect Event squabble until Coach Nash....whatever. Fortunately, the commentators talk over whatever Nash was saying so I can't be bothered to hear it.

Meanwhile, Booker T is WALKING!

WCW Magazine ad - hey, who's that guy that looks like Tank Abbott?

While Mysterio is stretchered out, Billy Kidman walks in and learns what's been going on. Konnan and Tygress get on the ambulance as well, leaving Kidman to...well, we'll find out later I guess

Promotional consideration paid for by Tootsie candies (again), WCW Nitro: the trading card game, America (ha!) Online, Toy Story 2 (on sale tomorrow!) and Tootsie candies - oh oh, it's ANOTHER chocolate attack!

THAT 70's MULLET & CROWBAR v. PERFECT EVENT (with "Coach" Nash & NBA starts Nov. 1!) - oh, they're "Those 70's Guys" now. Why ruin one guy with a crappy gimmick when you can ruin TWO? Perfect Event still come out to Curt Hennig's musical ripoff, despite the fact that he's been gone for MONTHS. Nash takes fourth headset, disses their music and promises this is the last time we hear it. Hey, I have a great idea - I'm gonna ignore EVERYTHING Nash says and call this match! Woo hoo! Awesome and Palumbo tie up - side headlock by Palumbo - into the ropes, shoulderblock, nobody moves. Shove by the Event - clothesline ducked, gutshot by Palumbo, clothesline, right, into the ropes, duck, Awesome with a shoulderblock. Springboard splash by Crowbar, quebrada by Crowbar, Awesome splash gets 2 - Stasiak makes the save. Awesome tossed through the ropes, head to the turnbuckle - Palumbo with a springboard dropkick. On the outside, Stasiak works him over, but eats Palumbo's baseball slide dropkick after Awesome moves aside. 13 days until Halloween Havoc - airbrush the crowd! Crowbar inside, split-legged dropkick through the ropes to both men. Perfect Event continuing to argue on the outside, Crowbar lowering the bridge for Awesome's no-hands tope and double clothesline to the floor! All four men out now - Palumbo eats an apron splash by Crowbar as Stasiak turns it around against Awesome. Palumbo in the ring - Crowbar on top...but Stasiak holds his ankles until Palumbo can get under him - and hit an electric chair. Tag to Stasiak, right, right, into the ropes, jumping elbow, fireman's carry into a flapjack - cover - Awesome saves. Hairpull, head to the buckle, tag to Palumbo, right hand by Palumbo, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, Palumbo up and over, headscissors takeover! Superkick takes Crowbar outside. Event doubleteaming Crowbar on the outside - whip into the rail is reversed and Palumbo hits - shot for Stasiak - Frankensteiner to Palumbo - Stasiak put in the ring and there's a somersault legdrop over the rope for 2. Tag to Awesome! Palumbo holds the ankle, but Awesome kicks him away and hits a springboard shoulderblock to Stasiak. Clothesline in the corner. Palumbo takes Crowbar to the rail, then runs around to gives Awesome a few shots, leaving him on the top turnbuckle for Stasiak - superplex! Stasiak covers - 1, 2, no. Right, right, Awesome comes back with a belly-to-belly. Palumbo from behind with a shot in the back. Holding him for Stasiak - guess the rest. Palumbo eats the right - German suplex for Stasiak by Awesome. Awesome splash from the top! 1, 2, 3! (5:58) Post-match, "Coach" throws a chair in the ring, then gets in to keep Stasiak and Palumbo from shoving. Fortunately, he manages to brush his hair back between moves. He forces them to hug. For storyline purposes, I'll reveal that they're setting up Stasiak as the fall guy - but this could change over the next 48 hours, so maybe I SHOULDN'T bother to reveal that. Oh well, let's move on.

PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with Franchise and Wilson. Franchise wants a title shot tonight. Don't hate Torrie because she's beautiful. "You better just start worrying about your job, you bitch!" "Takes one to know one."

KWEE-WEE (with Paisley and Let Us Take You Back to Thunder) v. JOHNNY "THE BULL" - Stevie Ray proclaims Paisley "the worst yak of 'em all," and by God, his word is good enough for me. Halloween Havoc is 13 days away, and you WILL NOT FORGET it. Whoops, it's already over! (0:22) I guess like Johnny broke his ankle landing wrong on the monkey flip, and they went right to Kwee-wee getting the pin. We quickly go to ad break amid mass confusion...unfortunatley, the match was cut short before the ref could bump.

Here's a look at lovely Melbourne - a lovely cricket grounds - and a lovely replay of Johnny demolishing his right ankle off the monkey flip. He was stretchered out. That Kwee-Wee is a MONSTER

CAT (with Mz Jonez & NBA starts on TNT Nov. 1) is out. "Okay cut my music! Before I get started, I got one thing I wanna tell all you fans out here, all you fans at home, and everybody over the whole world - Mark Madden, I hate yo fat ass! Now, I'm gonna show you people something right now - I see a lotta signs out there - do you people wanna see the Cat dance? You know, I'm gonna do a dance here, I'm gonna dance, I'm gonna show you people I'm the only man in the world that can do this dance - I'm the greatest dancer of all time, and I'm gonna show you people - hit my music! I got to be the greatest dancer in the world." Stevie Ray is STILL laughing. Is Cat wearing Edge's glasses...or Christian's? Cat dances...then Jones dances...then Cat cuts off the music. "Now cut that music off - cut it off - calm down, Ms. Jones, we didn't come out here to dance, I came out here to take care of business. Now, I'm gonna tell you something, Sanders... this place ain't big enough for two commissioners, so I'm gonna end it right now tonight, I'm gon' kick yo ass all over this place, I'm gonna beat you up real bad, and I'm gonna send your ass home, so get out here, and let's get it on right now."

CAT (with Mz Jonez) v. "ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS - "You know, I guess the people ask the same thing - who the hell is this guy?" "You know, Cat, I really don't have a lotta time for your crap tonight, as you can see there were just loading one my boys in an ambulance with a broken ankle. Let me tell you something, Cat - you think you got what it takes? You think you got something special to go toe to toe with me? I think not - not tonight. However, if you wanna hook it up at Halloween Havoc for the commissionership, I put together a little match, I like to call snap and whip which means I'm gonna snap your neck and whip your ass all over Las Vegas." "And I'm gonna whip that ugly-ass suit or whatever you got on right off your big-ass head, ok? And I'm gonna tell you something, Mike, anytime, any place, if you beat me, you can have total control, you hear me? And right now, your ass is grass come Halloween Havoc." "Speaking o' grass, it's a damn shame that you and that cheez whiz suckin' trailer trash hoochie came to the ring by yourself." "Well, I tell you what - I woulda brought yo mom but she couldn't get her big ass through those double doors out there." Man, when we're reduced to "yo momma" jokes... But the lights dim and the dozens are cut short when out comes KRONI>|. "Got Kronik?" "I tell you what? (mute) 'cause the one I has last night was senile!" Huh? "Guys, *kick his ass*. Before the "Halloween Havoc -13 days away" graphic can appear, the music fires up...and COLD BEER appears from the crowd...into the ring. "Hey boy! Over here!" See, he can say "boy" when it's a white guy he's talking to. "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa - let me tell you something. These people didn't pay enough money to see this happen tonight. This isn't gonna happen, 'cause you know Kronik's all about the money, so it's gonna happen at Halloween Havoc. Guys, let's go." TV-14-DL ratings box. Clark: "Hold up, Sanders. You can hire us, but you don't own us. The fact is, Goldberg, we beat people up for free. And in Las Vegas, we got a chance to make some big money and we're gonna damn sure do it the right way. 'cause Kronik is all about breakin' necks...and cashin' checks!" Adams: "You know

Booker T has changed - but he's still WALKING!

Thunder ad

Backstage, Sanders tells Flair he's got something for him

WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: THE FRANCHISE TORRIE WILSON (oh wait, that graphic must really mean...Franchise, with Torrie Samuda) v. BOOKA T. - WHITE THUNDER (and Midajah) has joined the commentary team, and gets muted right away talking about Wilson's acne problem. And again. And again! Damn, what did Torrie do to Steiner? Between Steiner and Nash, it's sounding more and more like Russo didn't bother to do ANY writing. Backstage, Konnan and Tygress are back - and Konnan tells her to wait - "I got something I gotta do." Oh man, I HOPE there's a run-in! Franchise hides in the ropes. This is a stall job. Lockup...side headlock by T, chain wrestling to another side headlock, powered out, shoulderblock by T. Franchise pulls himself up. 13 days graphic. Lockup, knee by Franchise, forearm to the back. Head to the turnbuckle, right, right, into the opposite corner, elbow up by T, big kick puts Franchise down. Standing heel kick by T. Chop. Chop, into the ropes, reversed, Torrie pulls the ankle, but we cut to crowd shot because something interesting may have happened. When we look back, Franchise has T outside - axehandle into Franchise's gut as he hops down. To the table we go - whip into the safety rail is reversed, clothesline by Franchise. Steiner says he wants some of this. Franchise drops T on the rail. T put back in the ring, Franchise to the top rope - flying clothesline finds the mark. Cover...1, 2, no. Franchise twists the head. T stands up as the crowd comes alive - elbow, but Franchise drives him back to the mat and puts on a headlock. T tries to break it, but Franchise grabs the arms for a bow and arrow. T struggling to get to his feet - the crowd brings him up again. Franchise with a front slam. Snapping back the neck. Choke on the second rope. Robinson gets to 4, Franchise breaks it - and does it again. Another break at 4. Right hand. Chop. Right, right, on the ropes, right, right, right, right, right, right right. Gnoshing on the skull. Into the corner, back elbow, snapmare, snapping the neck again. Franchise pulling on the neck once again. T to his feet, elbow, elbow, elbow, Franchise to the eyes. Into the Corner, T up and over, body scissors, Franchise frees himself out of the rollup, T ducks the clothesline and hits a hangman's neckbreaker. Robinson puts on the count...T up at 8, back elbow by Franchise before he can do anything. Into the ropes, reversed, spinebuster! "Uhhhhhhh!" T with a right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, T holds on, knee in the gut, off the ropes with the axe kick! But he's too tired...no, there's the breakdance up! HARLEM SIDEKICK!

WCW Magazine ad

Wolverine Boots and Shoes sponsor this replay of the Rock Bottom - err, Book End and pin, as well as Kidman falling off the apron and into Midajah. Clusterfrickery ensued.

Pamela Paulshock stands with Jarrett, Steiner and Midajah. Midajah says something in Spanish that gets muted, and Steiner translates into muted English. Apparently, we'll get a Kidman/Steiner match out of this...I think. Jarrett says he'll be happy to ...well, HE gets muted too. Hell, how can I keep track of ANYTHING if they have to mute everything every ten seconds? That's not Standards & Practices' fault...that's just a sloppy lack of discipline amongst those doing the performing.

Buff Bagwell carries the power of the WCW MasterCard

DAVID FLAIR is already in the ring when we come back. The music fires up and...huh? It's THE MAN! Apparently, he's going to take fourth headset...oh, now we get it...

DAVID FLAIR (already in the ring) v. COLD "9-0" BEER (entrance 1:32) - Halloween Havoc is 13 days away, the NBA starts 1 November, and are they any more graphics they can put in here? Nobody asks Ric Flair if he's the father of Stacey's child. Spear, jackhammer, 10-0. (1:05) Ric Flair stares at Goldberg - why? Who can say? Man, could they have found ANYTHING better to do with the Nature Boy tonight? Apparently........not! Post-match, Ric Flair hits the ring...but we cut to

Paulshock stands with Kidman and Konnan - they're still tight. Kidman tells Steiner he doesn't want Midajah - nobody does, that's why she's with him! He can't outpower him, but he's pretty sure he can outthink him tonight. Konnan says it'll take more than pepper spray to keep him down. Then he gets muted. He'll orale Jarrett tonight, or something...I think.

WHITE THUNDER (with Midajah) v. (billy) KIDMAN - "You know ever since I've been to this country Australia, I've picked up a little saying. It goes AUSSIEAUSSIEAUSSIE! And ever since I met most of you white trash...I got a new addition of my own - AUSSIEAUSSIE(ASSHOLE)!" Steiner goes ahead and beats up a plant - I mean, fan - during Kidman's entrance. Steiner with a knee, forearm, kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, chop, into the ropes, duck, presses him up, Kidman dropkicks him down. Steinerline turns it back. Elbowdrop. Military press - rep - rep - rep - drop. Pushups for the crowd. Bigboot, kick, right, right, into the opposite corner, elbow up by Kidman, 13 days away graphic, side headlock by Kidman...Steiner with a Northern Lights suplex. "You suck!" Steiner makes the mistake of trying the powerbomb - YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN! But Kidman only gets 2. Kidman up top - no, Steiner over to meet him - SUPER SAMOAN DROP! Steiner talkin' loud and sayin' nothing - Steiner Recliner - arm falls once, arm falls twice, arm falls thrice?!? Hey, Kidman, welcome back - hope you like SQUASH! (2:15) I think The Mark is in love...

Don't you wish they'd settle the strike so we could see BRAND NEW annoying 1-800-CAL-LATT commercials? No? Oh.

Thunder is in Melbourne on Wednesday - be sure and come back, 'cause it'll be my LAST one

Halloween Havoc ad

CNN/Time Newsstand airs a special look at Bill Goldberg Sunday at 9PM - of course, YOU'LL be watching No Mercy, but maybe you can tape it or something.

"THE CHOSEN ONE" JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET v. KONNAN (with Tygryss) - This just in - there'll be a "Countdown to Armageddon" match at Thunder, and the winner will get a world title shot on Nitro the night after Havoc. Konnan runs through all his lines and Jarrett stomps a mudhole in him. Right, into the ropes, reversed, hiptoss by Konnan, into the ropes, tumblin' clothesline. Jarrett goes outside to recover. Pulling the ankles and bringing him out - Konnan taken to the safety rail - to another rail - got the chair...into the gut. Jarrett finds a folding chair - WHACK. Konnan put back in the ring - stomp, stomp, into the ropes, reversed, 13 days away graphic, ENOUGH ALREADY, Konnan with 2, Jarrett with 2, Jarrett with a clothesline. Into the ropes, reversed, leapfrog by Konnan, back kick, breakdancing around for the face jam. Jarrett put in the corner - Tygress invited in - Konnan with a butt to the head - Tygress spending a LONG time winding up for the broncobuster...ah, so FRANCHISE & TORRIE SAMUDA can come out - Franchise grabs Tygress - SLAP by Tygress. While referee "Blind" Mickie Jay keeps Franchise out of the ring, Wilson is on the apron on another side...Tygress over to slap HER - Konnan over to hold her back - Jarrett with the gee-tar - WHACK misses Konnan but hits Tygress. That's enough of a distraction to allow the Stroke from Jarrett - 1, 2, 3. (2:53) Jarrett puts on the Scorpion Deathlock for good measure.

Backstage, we see Sting watching this..and getting annoyed.

Here come the lumberjacks...looks like everybody that wasn't injured or led away naked on ecstasy...

KEVIN NASH (with approximately 71% of the Thryllyrz) v. (THIS IS) STING in a lumberjack match - Nash gives Cat a look - one for Kwee-wee - and now he's in the ring. Sting says hi to Vito. I actually didn't see Steiner and Jarrett...maybe later? Ray says he was lobbying for a "three yak" limit on this show, but they're around the ring as well. Here we go. Knee by Nash. Knee. Right hand, brush hair back, knee in the corner, knee, knee, knee, knee, brush hair back. Big elbow. Brush hair back. Big elbow. Brush hair back. OH YEAH! HE'S FRAMING THE ELBOW! I think he did something with his crotch as well. Standing on the neck. Scoop...Sting breaks free, right, chop, right, chop, right, dropkick, 13 days away graphic, over the rop to the MIA, who stomp on Nash. Nash back in. Sting kicks the back of the leg, kick, kick, off the ropes, clip, elbowdrop on the knee. "Wooooow!" Pointing to the Thrillers - and another elbowdrop on the knee. Scorpion Deathlock? Can he turn it? Yes! The Thrillers pull him to the ropes. Sting breaks the hold. The Thrillers pull Nash out. Disqo tells them to get him back in there, but they ignore him. Nash back over the top rope - Sting crotches him with it. Stinger splash...is met with a big boot. I think Nash may have brushed back his hair here...I wasn't paying attention. Into the ropes, sidewalk slam. 1, 2, kickout! Nash brushes his hair back. MIA leading cheers on the outsie. Nash with the scoop...mute, mute, snake eyes. Off the ropes, Boss Man straddle. Nash whips back his hair and applies the neck vice. Crowd gets into clapping again. Ahh, *here* is WHITE THUNDER (and Midajah) - he goes right for Booker T, who fights back - now all the lumberjacks are fighting. Everybody kinda brawls up the aisle and out of the picture. Here's KRONI>|. Sting fights back when we look back to the ring, punch, chop, repeat. Off the ropes with the clothesline. Another clothesline. Into the opposite corner, Stinger splash! Dropkick to the back - and Nash pushes referee "Blind" Charles Robinson into the corner. Sting splashes the pile - ah hell, ANOTHER one? Sting checks on Robinson as JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET shows up with a gee-tar. Trying to hide behind Nash..and meeting the Stinger splash attempt with El Kabong. Nash drapes an arm on top...Robinson SLOWLY over......1.....2...... ........ ........... .....what's the holdup? ............ 3. (7:05) Nash and Jarrett strike a pose as the ring fills with garbage. Bring up the credits and take us home, 'cause I'm just about done with this crap.

"You're watching BULL!"