Oh, and this one's JUST for Sean:

Either shit or get off the pot.

QUICK QUOTES: AOL 47.75 (- .19), TWX 71.02 (- 1.49, last year this time 69 1/4), SPLN 8 3/16 (- 11/16, last year this time 37 9/16 - listen to the wailing workers of SportsLine...well, the ones that are left, anyway)

TV-14-DL - Here's some "stills" from last night's pay-per-view - close captioned logo

And HERE is a white limousine, carrying "our new CEO!" Who can it be? STAY TUNED!

Opening Credits

From the Bren Events Center on the campus of UCI in Irvine, CA - home of the Anteaters - 30.10.2K LIVE on TNT, *this* is WCW Monday Nitro! As a graduate of nearby UC Riverside, let me just say that UCI *SUXXXXXX*. (Oh, hey, Dave Fields!)

WCW WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE (with Halloween Havoc stills) v. KIDMAN & RAYMOND STEREO (with Karlos & Tygryss) - Tygress is sucking on a blowpop...where's Lenny and Lodi? Konnan carries a newspaper article about Jindrak, and I sense jealousy. Jindrak & Mysterio start - I think he almost comes up to his abs here. Mysterio slaps him - spunky! Jindrak clotheslines him down. Towering suplex. Konnan made a porn joke! Chop, into the ropes, duck, Rey to the body, to the head, into the ropes, reversal, leapfrog by Jindrak, got him up, Mysterio counters into a head scissors takeover! Into the ropes, trademark spin by Rey, Kidman with an alleged headscissors as well. Kick, kick, chop, slap, into the opposite corner is reversed, wacky armdrag by Jindrak, tag. Right hand by O'Haire. Konnan is muted on "salad tossers," I think. Kidman counters with a dropkick. Right. Into the ropes, reversed, O'Haire catches him but Kidman manages to slide down - sunset flip is staved off, but Rey must have made the blind tag, because he springs in with a sunset flip of his own...but O'Haire is in the ropes. Jindrak with a blind shot, O'Haire with a clothesline. Scoop...and a big slam from O'Haire. Tag to Jindrak. "We punish people!" and he punishes him. Into the ropes, flipped up into O'Haire - Rey tries to counter the powerbomb by dropping into a rana, but O'Haire picks him back up, drops him on the top rope into a slingshot powerbomb! 1, 2, Kidman saves. Into the corner - tag to Jindrak. Flying clothesline puts Mysterio flat. 1, 2, arm draped on the bottom rope. A veteran move! Put in the corner, Jindrak kicks. To the opposite corner, foot up, boots up again, third try results in a rana. Mysterio ducks the lunge and tags Kidman - top rope back elbow. Dropkick for each man. Tornado bulldog for O'Haire. Ten Punch Count Along stopped at seven by a Jindrak shot to the back - apparently, his version of the Argentine backbreaker is called the "MJ Delight." That'll get 2 - springboard guillotine breaks it up. Into the ropes, Mysterio holds on, then ducks the lunge, putting Jindrak outside. O'Haire put in the ropes, but he no-hands upstairs, backflips over both of them, then hits a *mean* double clothesline. I can't TELL you how much the Mark sucks on commentary. Jindrak's springboard splash misses - Kidman dropkicks O'Haire out, then hits the sitout powerbomb on Jindrak. Holding his legs apart for Mysterio's top rope legdrop - that's his move, Tony! Kidman covers - 1, 2, Jindrak has to KICK OUT because the outside interference was late to the party - this is WCW! The BOOGIE KNIGHTS are out - Mysterio with a pescado on Wright, but Disqo hits the Chartbuster on Jindrak. O'Haire puts Jindrak's arm on top and alerts referee "Blind, yet Born to Do It" Scott Armstrong to count the fall - 1, 2, 3. (5:59) Post-match, none of these six guys seem to get along. So why'd the Knights interfere? Tony sums it up best. "A personal score? A personal vendetta? Angry about last night? We may never know the answer!" and they fade out to the ad break.

WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you in part by Castrol Motor Oily! Schiavone's voice is breaking all over again!

Backstage, Sanders and Nash are chatting...Scott Steiner shows up and rages away. He demands a title shot tonight. Sanders says "yessir" in order to have his throat released. Nash tells Sanders to know when to pick his battles. Like HE'S one to give advice?

WCW WORLD HARDCORE TITLE: KWEE-WEE (with Let Us Take You Back to Thunder) v. RENO - Kwee-wee is wearing enough glitter to worry about a Goldfinger death. On Thunder, Reno did a bad, bad thing to Reno. Kwee-wee tells Reno not to make him angry, but he already made him angry, he wouldn't like him when he's angry. He also says "Power Plant" ten or twenty times and disses the Natural Born Ratings Killers. He sounds more like Angry Allan Funk here...only he fails to stick out his tongue for a raspberry and give us thumbs down.

WCW Mayhem ad spotlights Scott Steiner. "You cannot imagine what will happpen until you see it." Since they've used that line, what, four or five PPV's in a row, and each time it becomes less and less meaningful...I think we can either conclude that they're just not paying attention, or they really ARE frozen and coasting.

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, America (ha!) Online, Geico, Geico (2), and I'm spared another chocolate attack...this time.

GENE O. works tonight! And he welcomes to the ring new United States Heavyweight champion GENERAL RECTION, who comes out alone. Strangely, he's still got the Canada sticker on the belt. Rection says there's three guys in the back and one big, beautiful blonde that belongs by his side when they do this interview, so he brings out the rest of THE SECOND FAMILY. Lucky us, we get to hear "Not Edwin K. Starr" *again!* Rection says we've been waiting for it for three months...and DOES finally remove that Canada decal. Rection says that this belt represents all the guys called "C-team players." If he had to leave now, he'd leave with a smile on his face. Okerlund gives him some verbal fellatio, then leads the crowd in rhythmic clapping. Yikes, this is some empty arena. Then, AROUND TWO DOZEN FOLKS come out from behind the curtain and stand on the stage, applauding,

During the Break, they had group hugs.

That limo is STILL there. And, by God, we're not gonna see anybody get out of it for AT LEAST another 24 minutes!

DAVID FLAIR is out with, presumably, some DNA test results. "I guess all you people here, and at home, wanna know the results of the DNA testing - am I right? Let's all find out what a piece of trash that Buff Bagwell is. 'After extensive DNA testing, our lab has confirmed that there's a 99.9% chance that Marcus Buff Bagwell...is NOT the father of the baby? Who is it? WHO IS IT?!" Here comes... M.I. SMOOTH. "David Flair! Smooooth's gotta bone to pick witchoo! You see, I told you when I sold you that videotape, you'd find something interesting on it - huh. What you found interesting was Buff on the tape. See, I never told you that Buff was the father - if you'da had your theories runnin' first, ha haaa - ho ho - you wouldn't be goin' through this now. But see, since Buff is hot at Smooth, Smooooooth is hot at you, and Smooth's gonna show you, baby, who yo daddy is. So Smoooooooooth's got something for you!"

DAVID FLAIR v. M.I. SMOOTH - "You know what, Smooth? I don't feel like wrestling you tonight." As he goes to leave, Smooth gives him a big elbow in the back and it's...sorta... on. This is awfully close to silence from the crowd. Hey, you know the NBA airs Wednesdays and Thursdays on TNT. (Smooth full nelson atomic drop -> pin 1:45)

Graphic sez: "The following is a paid announcement from the Mouth of the South, Jimmy Hart."

Hart issues an open challenge to any radio disk jockey who wishes to wrestle on Monday nights. Hey, you know what'll turn WCW around? JIMMY HART WRESTLING DISC JOCKEYS!

The BOOGIE KNIGHTS are out. "Can I have your attention please? I'm not exactly sure WHY we're out here...but we got the word from Commissioner Sanders that he's got something very special planned for us. I don't know, maybe he's gonna congratulate us on saving Jindrak & O'Haire the world tag team titles earlier tonight? I guess there's no hard feelings for us almost beating them at Havoc, huh? Or maybe he's gonna come out here and congratulate me on having exceptional abdominal development. I HOPE he doesn't expect us to come out here and tell everybody who let the dogs out. Could somebody PLEASE tell us why the hell we're out here?" COLD "14-0" BEER comes out - no real entrance (ONLY 0:32), no pyro - and tosses both men over the top rope to the floor. "You know..." Disqo holds Wright back. "Get the hell out of here, boys. It's my time. You know..." LONG pause. "You know up until a short time ago, I didn't really understand who Goldberg was. But, as in life, adversity introduces a man to himself. Well, today as I stand here, I sure as hell know who Goldberg is, and after last night, Kronik, you do too. Well, as far as the record's concerned, heheh, that's just a damn number. I set that record...and I'm gonna break it! What does that mean to all you boys in the back? Very simple. You're all NEXT."

A door is labelled "C.E.O." - we look at the ground as the door opens...and...somebody...is.....WALKING! Hey, cameraman, why not LOOK UP AT THE HEAD! LOOK UP...LOOK...ah, hell, let's sit through this ad break and find out.

MIKE SANDERS comes out - is he the CEO? "Now last night at Halloween Havoc, you know I floated like a butterfly, I stung like a bee, when I hit the Cat, he felt the 1, 2, 3. Now before I go accepting my new role as commissioner, and still the WCW Cruiserweight champ, I need to take care of an order of business..." the commentators start talking over him at this point, so why bother? Sanders says that we all know who got their ass beat in the world title match last night, so tonight he's going to make the title match a three-way dance - Booker T vs. Mike Awesome vs. Scott Steiner. "There's been rumours in the back about a new CEO - some new big hotshot in the company. Well lemme tell you something, the only thing he's gonna be runnin' - he's gonna be runnin' to get me coffee. He's gonna be running to get me my reports, and then he's gonna run his ass right out of WCW. Now I guarantee this new hotshot never stepped foot in the ring, and believe you, I know myself ar- I know my way around this ring. And I guarantee you, this new CEO...he's gonna drop outta WCW faster than Shawn Stasiak at a spellin' bee." But some familiar music plays...THE MAN is back. Fortunately, he's not breaking that restraining order! Of course, this is California, so the crowd isn't much louder...sigh. "Mike...my name is Ric Flair. I used to be a big star in this business; now I'm retired. But as of last Friday, in Atlanta, Georgia, they made the big decision to make me the CEO of the company. And I wanna tell ya that I've been sittin' home, and I've been watchin' you and I've been enjoying you. You're a good hand - you got the gift of gab, you're a pretty fair hand in the ring. But you've been running wild. You've been breaking every rule there is to break, and as of tonight, commissioner or no commissioner, you got a man named Ric Flair telling you what to do every step of the way." "Wait a minute, wait a minute, Ric, you know I call it right down the middle, I do what's right. I do the right thing." "Mike, I just walked up to Kevin Nash back there, I said 'Kevin, how old would Mike Sanders be?' He said '28 years age, 28 years of age.' You realise the first time I wrestled for the world title in a ring like this, you were ten years old, boy. So don't tell your story to me, brother, tell your story walkin'. You and your friends are gon' start wrestling by the rules, or you're not gon' wrestle. Because back of that curtain is the greatest array of talent in the history of sports, we're gon' start makin' 'em work

As if to provide answer, here's a Thunder ad. Hey, look, Bret Hart!

Buff Bagwell stole that WCW MasterCard from Lee M. Cardholder!

THE NARCISSIST is out. "The moment of truth - the crossing roads in WCW has finally arrived. The true superstars of our sport are ready to regain centre stage, as it has been, as it always should be. So what Ric Flair meant to say was, the deal the new CEO of WCW did, was he promised me if I looked after his boy, that the Total Package, all six-foot-four (removes shirt), 280 pounds and 5% body fat is, as of now, reinstated fully in WCW. Multi-time World champion, multi-time US Champion, multi-time world tag team champion, and a multi-millionaire - that's me, the Total Package, the one and only! Now, Buff Bagwell, what happened to you last night was simply a business transaction between myself and someone else - you were at the wrong place at the wrong time. No hard feelings, that's just the way it is. This is a ruthless sport and a ruthless business. I made a statement on Buff Bagwell last night, and I'm here to make a statement tonight that's gonna rock the foundation of World Championship Wrestling. 'cause I see all these nobodys and wanna-be's in the back, cowering and sniveling about who's gonna be next with Bill Goldberg - well, Bill, you don't have to worry about who's next, 'cause my next statement's gonna be you and it's gonna be me - I'M next!" BUFF DADDY BAGWELL comes out at this point. "You know what? I really like your big plans, big man Lex Luger. But you know what? You seem to have overlooked somebody, and you've overlooked Buff Bagwell, so if you wanted to have a problem with me, you may wanna look past - not look past me and look to Goldberg, 'cause right here, I'll kick your ass in Irvine, California right now." Geez, what did he say? "Well you know there, Buff - if you're feeling all that bad and frisky tonight, I'm sure I can make some arrangements, because if you want to take on the Total Package, I got my wrestling gear in the back and later on tonight, we can go ahead and have a match, I'm sure we can get that sanctioned - how 'bout that? Huh?" "You know what?" "Huh? How about it?" "I have the craziest idea - that's exactly what you were gonna say, so to all these great fans, I just happened to bring a referee right here with me - we can do this right damn now! How 'bout that?"

THE NARCISSIST v. BUFF DADDY BAGWELL - Bagwell hits the ring, ducks a big clothesline, right, right, head to the buckle, head to the opposite buckle, off the ropes with the swinging neckbreaker, pinwheel, ducks a big punch, gutshot, double underhook DDT, NBA on Wednesdays & Thursdays, Luger pulls referee "Blind" Mark Johnson in the path of the Buff Blockbuster. Luger with a big clothesline. Outside we go. Big head to the rail. Big chair in the gut. Big chairshot to the back.

Mayhem ad #2

PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with Kevin Nash and Perfect Event. Nash says this team will now act as a well-oiled machine. Stasiak apologises and pledges his team-player-ed-ness. Pats on the ass are exchanged. Did I just use "well-oiled" and "pats on the ass" in the same paragraph? Did I juse use "well-oiled" and "pats on the ass" in the same sentence? Did I just do it again? Yes, yes, and yes.

KRONI>| v. PERFECT EVENT (with Koach Kevin Nash) - Nash stops to make love to a Scott Hall cutout in the crowd. Maybe he'll get all SHOOTY on the headset! Stasiak and Adams start. Lockup, no, Stasiak ducks, gutshot, right, right in the corner, head to the buckle, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, big clothesline by Adams. Right. Into the ropes, duck, blind tag, gutshot, set up for a powerbomb - Palumbo with a Jungle Kick. Adams ducks a running knee, but Stasiak stomps on him. Into the ropes, Palumbo drops down, Stasiak hits a back elbow. Palumbo right, right, just because the crowd chants "We want Scott Hall" doesn't mean they want Kevin Nash...think about it. Adams to the eyes. Tag to Clark - kick to the gut, to the corner, kick, kick, knife-edge chop, chop, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, mute, into the ropes, Stasiak grabs the ankle, mute, dropkick by Palumbo. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, Adams breaks it up. Shot for Stasiak by Adams. Adams to the gut. Commentators say "WHOA!" but we didn't see whatever Clark did from the apron to the floor. Gutshot by Adams, snapmare takeover, stomp on the face. Clark chops Stasiak, into the safety rail. Adams with a...who knows. Apparently we missed a really cool moonsault. Clark with a chop, kick, kick, we stare at Nash and Stasiak instead of inside the ring. Nash asks him to walk it off...so he walks it off all the way back up the aisle. That hothead Stasiak. Palumbo got a cover for 1, I guess. Adams with a clothesline...I think. We stare at Nash. Palumbo manages a headscissors on Adams, springboard dropkick on Clark on the apron, Adams with a full nelson atomic drop. Doubleteam - into the ropes, double shoulderblock by Kronik. High Time. Crowd is so quiet you can hear them count to 3 before the High Time. 1, 2, 3 for Clark. (4:16) Judging from last night, I guess Kronik only do the job in the main event. Why is Palumbo smiling so broadly?

Close captioning sponsored by Wizards of the Coast - makers of the WCW Nitro trading card game!

Backstage, the trainers tell Nash Palumbo is okay.

Paulshock stands with Booker T. Scott Steiner bullied his way into the match tonight, while Mike Awesome earned his shot fair and square. Steiner tried to take him out last night, but he's still here. Awesome wants Steiner just as badly as he does. Don't hate the Playa.

"ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS v. CAT - Cat gives The Mark that which he craves the most - attention. Sanders says let's not be hasty, past is in the past, let's let bygones be bygones. Cat tells the stupid son of a bitch that he came out here to kick his ass, and he proceeds to do so. The NBA airs on TNT Wednesday & Thursday! Gosh, we're lucky they don't tell us how many days there are until Mayhem while they're at it. Out of respect for all the people who paid to see this match last night, I'll forego three minutes of play-by-play and summarise with "it's all Cat until Sanders manages a sleeper, but the arm doesn't fall three times, so Cat goes back to work, including all his goofy breakdancing moves, culminating in a Feliner for the pin (2:57)." Well, ALMOST three minutes. Thing is, this match was BETTER than the "kickboxing" thing they tried to put on LAST night. Okay...three two minute rounds, they said. So they had three two minute rounds...and no decision! So they just WINGED it! Yeah! Ohhhh....my. Anyway, post-match, the Franchise appears on the Turnertron and tells Cat that he's opened some can of worms, yeah, and he's got Ms. Jones - she slaps him, he hits a backbreaker on her. Cat runs off.

Here's a look at the MasterCard "Play with Power" sweepstakes winner, his wife, and their two friends - they won free tix to Halloween Havoc! You know what second place was...TWICE as many free tix to Halloween Havoc! Man, I NEVER get tired of that joke.

WCW Magazine ad #2 - I let ad #1 go by without remembering to note it here, but I'm TOO LAZY to go back and find it.

It took Cat the whole ad break to find Ms. Jones. While the trainer tends to her, Cat addresses the camera as if it were Franchise. He'll be sorry!

Paulshock stands with Mike Awesome, who doesn't mind seeing Scott Steiner tonight - since there's two of him and Booker T, and only one of him.

WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: WHITE THUNDER (with Midajah) v. AD BREAK - "Booker T - when I look at you, I see a man who obviously has no pride, no dignity...when I look at you, I see a beaten man that has no shame still carryin' around that world title, because I proved to you and the whole world, because I not only beat you up, I punked your ass out! So Booker T, you always say don't hate the player but at Halloween Havoc I proved that I got way too much hate in this body for you to control and for you to handle, because once again I put you in the Steiner Recliner and you screamed like a bitch! So Booker T, you look at me, the man with the largest arms in the world, I don't need a world title to legitimize me! You look at me, the genetic freak, and I don't need a world title to proves that I'm the real deal. No, what proves that I'm the real deal and legitimizes me is me kickin' your ass every night, and tonight it can be deja vu all over again. And I'm gonna kick you right here in California, and prove there's no substitutes for size, and there's only one genetic freak."

You're watching BULL!