QUICK QUOTES: AOL 49.07 (- 6.79), TWX 73.68 (- 9.88 ... last year: 70 15/16), SPLN 7 15/16 (- 1 1/2 ... last year: 42 5/16) - now, you see what happens when you don't pick a president?? I managed to lose A THIRD of my portfolio value during my vacation. Of course, that's only on paper - fortunately, I'm still young and too stupid to realise what that kind of loss REALLY means, so no ulcers for me! Woo hoo! Gimme ANOTHER beer!

Hey, if I had *known* Scott Hall was gonna be in Poughkeepsie, I'd have rented a car and Kim and I would have gone to see him job to Sal E. Graziano. But the only way I found out about it was reading Dave Scherer's column in the New York Daily News. We ended up drinking with Tanya at a local tavern and getting a couple slices, so it's not like I feel really *bad* about missing it. Hell, I still haven't seen November to Remember! If it makes you feel better, I *did* get to see "Hardcore TV" so I can *finally* say I've seen one of those "November Rain" videos they seem to do every year. That show STILL seems like a waste of time, but I've always felt all along that Tom Misnik has known something that I don't.

I apologise for the above tangent. Even *I* don't know what my point was...let's get to this show already!

My tape joins us as the TV-14-DL logo and close captioned symbol preside over...I think these are Thunder clips? The Thrillers turned on Nash? WHAT A SHOCKING SWERVE!

Here's some shots of scenic London, England

Including an exterior shot of the London Arena

Opening Credits

It's times like this that you're reminded that it is still WORLD Championship Wrestling! Coming to you from the previously mentioned London Arena in London, England and airing 13.11.2K (taped 10.11) on TNT...THIS is WCW Monday Nitro! Attendance is the curiously worded "over 10,482" and here's some PYRO!

Here comes MOST OF THE LOCKER ROOM to ringside - gosh, Luger and Bagwell are awful close to each other, given their recent history... after all this, THE MAN, who is apparently *still* the CEO (hey, with this crew of short-memoried bookers, *one never knows*) comes out and hits the ring. "Woooo! London, England wooo! we're live tonight! WCW is the greatest collection of athletes anywhere in the world under one roof - it's the greatest wrestling company in the wrestling business today - it's WCW, and I'm proud to be here - woooo! - on behalf...of WCW. Now we promised you guys a big show tonight...there's a few things I have to address first. First of all, Mike Sanders, as commissoner of WCW, you've got a lot of stroke, you've got a lot of rank, you've got decisions to make, and I respect that. However, Mike Sanders, as the CEO I have the ability to override you at any time, which means I've got my eyes on ya, Mike, so stay on track. Wooo play by the rules! And give these wrestling fans what they want...the best in professional wrestling. One more thing, Mike...in looking over your resume, I see that you are the Cruiser heavyweight - or, Cruiserweight champion of the world. Mike, ya haven't been defending the title - so you got 48 hours from this moment right now to figure out what to do with yourself and that title. Forty eight hours. Now. Woooo! God we love London, we were on ALLLL night long last night - any of you boys tired tonight? I know you're tired, kid. Woooo well here it goes, because we're in London, because we promised you something special, we're gon' have the first ever London woooo! Lethal Lottery match here tonight. Wooo! That means eight of the great stars of WCW have been picked at random - these eight wrestlers become four teams. These four teams will wrestle tonight until wooo one team stands. And then that one team will compete against each other on Thunder, and the winner of THAT match gets a shot wooooo! at the world heavyweight champion on Nitro the night after Mayhem. Wooo! Major Gunns, Major Gunns, how do you like London baby? Wooo! I think the boys love you. All right, guys, here it goes. The pressure's on. Team number one - and as you guys come into the ring, would you please all go to a corner. Team number one...Mike Awesome. Woooo! And his partner...Bam Bam Bigelow! Woooo! All right - team number two - wow! Booker T, the world heavyweight champion! Come on, Book. And listen to this: the Total Package Lex Luger. Team number three. Alex Wright and the Disco Inferno! Team number four - wooooo! Wooo team number four - Scott Steiner...and Sting! Hold on, guys. Hold on there. How's this for a lineup tonight? London are we live? Wooo! We're not foolin' around, we promised you the best, and we got it. Now where's Scott Steiner? Scott Steiner? I promised London a huge tournament tonight, if you're back there trying to break the rules, you can't do it. Scott Steiner, if you're in the building, you come out here tonight, you will wrestle as Sting's partner." The music starts up and the lights flash - WHITE THUNDER & MIDAJAH *do* come out. As Steiner hits the ring, Booker decides to jump him - say, that ain't too sporting! Of all people, Sting pulls him off. Looks like Bigelow went for Luger as well. Steiner gets a shot on Booker, shoving him into Sting. Well, now all eight men - check that, EVERYBODY hits the ring and it's on.

Backstage, the (reunited [and it feels so good]) Natural Born Thrillers are WALKING!

In the local slot, AT&T Cable runs a Survivor Series promo. It's SUNDAY! you know

The 1-800-COL-LECT replay is of the...er...action...from earlier.

Graphics display the London Lethal Lottery matchups - Bam Bam Bigelow/Mike Awesome vs. Scott Steiner/Sting and Booker T./Lex Luger vs. Boogie Nights (I thought it was Knights?) Hey, it wouldn't be a Lethal Lottery if they hadn't manage to "randomly" put at least ONE whole tag team together...

Earlier today, the BBC's Roger Frasier (or however it's spelled) attempts to talk to Crowbar, but Big Vito interrupts things and a discussion ensues about Crowbar's hardcore title win (Crowbar won the title on Thunder?); specifically, whether he would have won the title or not without Vito's help. This leads to a hardcore title shot for Vito tonight.

Coming back...to the same set, presumably "live" - Mike Sanders grants Lance Storm his wish of a title shot against Rection. Then he stops a rampaging Scott Steiner with an anger management clipboard needing his signature. Steiner takes off...seemingly looking for the man who paired him with Sting.

Kevin Nash is a man alone - a man ... WALKING!

Mayhem ad highlights the genetic freak - he's CRAAAAAAZY. You cannot imagine

Here's a look at the Thames - this picture is brought to you by 1-800-COL-LECT. Why are they playing Lord Steven Regal's music?

GENE O. works tonight! He stands with Awesome and Bigelow. They cut the standard "I don't really like this guy but I'll team with him" spiel.

The NATYRYL BORN THRYLLYRZ are out. Let Us Take You Back to a series of clips detailing the SHOCKING SWERVE to get Nash. Huh? Sanders: "Ladies and gentlemen, the votes are in, ballots have been totalled, and the polls are closed. And the winner for Outstanding Achievement in the Biggest SWERVE of the Year goes to..." he opens an envelope "...US! Hey, they really like us! "Asshole" chant has been excised. "Now, you've heard the term bigger, better equals less brains? That's...not always so. I mean,

Promotional consideration paid for by Crown Books' "I'm Next," Slim Jim (Savage), America (ha) Online 6.0 (Will they EVER get it right?), Geico, and Geico (again)

Hey, it's the long-awaited return of the ever popular on sale announcement! Friday tix go on sale for Nitro in Richmond, Saturday on sale for Nitro in Memphis and on sale Friday for Kearney, and Nitro in Lincoln!

Gene O. stands with Sting, who shouts a lot. He's at his best when there's no strategy. If they can get through tonight, they'll each get what they want, so Scott Steiner best put his thinking cap on. London, it's showtime, folks!

Elix Skipper hits on Ms. Jones. "You're not OVAH like the Cat is." Skipper says he ain't over nowhere but in her mind. At this point, Cat exits his dressing room and tosses a drink of water in his face. Skipper vows to take his girl AND his pride...TONIGHT!

London Lethal Lottery graphic - once again. It begins...RIGHT NOW

THAT 70'S MULLET (with Let Us Take You Back to Thunder) and TRIPPA B v. WHITE THUNDER (with Midajah) and (THIS IS) STING in a London Lethal Lottery semifinal - Awesome got a title shot last week on Thunder - I haven't watched the tape yet, but I've figured out that Booker managed to hang onto the title. Sting is barely out before Awesome and Bigelow begin doubleteaming Steiner. Sting runs to the ring after Steiner eats a double clothesline. Sting pounds on Bigelow as Steiner turns it around on Awesome with a belly-to-belly. Sting with a Stinger splash on Bigelow. They both roll out. Sting calls to the crowd and climbs the corner - Steiner pulls him off - staredown - now Sting punches Steiner - pound, pound - Bigelow & Awesome back in and on Sting and Steiner. Sting's head hits the buckle - right hand from Awesome. Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson FINALLY finds some semblance of order, managing to put Awesome in the corner. Bodyslam by Bigelow on Steiner, dropping with the headbutt. Bigelow climbing to the top...but that headbutt MISSES! Steinerline! Kiss the bicep elbowdrop! Tag to Sting - arm wringer, but Bigelow rakes the face and makes the tag. Gutshot, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, shoulderblock by Awesome - into the ropes, caught in a big bearhug ...and a throw. Into the ropes,

Promotional consideration paid for by "I'm Next" (again), Just for Men, America (ha!) Online (again), and Mag-Lite

"The Perfect Storm" was playing on the plane. I didn't spring for the headset, but as near as I can tell, it's a giant waste of time. I mean, they suffer trials, tribulations, and travails...and then DIE AT THE END anyway? Talk about pointless!

The following announcement is paid for by Jimmy Hart. Since he didn't pay ME anything, I see no need to summarize it for you.

The Boogie Knights offer to sell their spot in the Letal Lottery tourney to Kronik. Kronik say maybe THEY'D like to pay THEM to take the spot, since they fear Scott Steiner so much. Disqo produces a wad of sterling as Wright actually breaks into English for our benefit. Yowza!

Meanwhile, the Animals watch this on a WCW.com approved monitor. They stooge him off to Ric Flair, who just happened to be walking by. I'm confused....if they're watching the same show I'M watching, why aren't they seeing THEMSELVES? Ohhhh, it must be one of those MAGIC monitors

Gene O. stands with Booker T. He doesn't trust Lex Luger. He ain't got no luv for 'im, neither. As for Kronik, booya! And he's gonna git witcha.

Meanwhile, Ric Flair catches up to the Knights and tells them that, while he'll let their transaction stand, he's still got something special for them tonight, so don't go anywhere. Happy birthday, Disqo!

When we come back, Gene O. stands with the Misfits in Action (sans Stash) along with the TV-14-DL. Why all four men need to relay comments to Lance Storm is beyond me, but A-Wall gets the best line: "Only sailors and male strippers are named Lance - which one are you?" Rection promises that it's "Apocalypse....Now."

NBA airs on TNT Wednesdays & Thursdays!

Let Us Take You Back Last Week to show you the excitement of WCW wrestlers stalking BattleDome

Earlier Today, the BattleDome "warriors" apparently came all the way to England to attack....oh, HORSESHIT, they did.

Here's a (revised) London Letal Lottery graphic.

Thunder ad

Gene O. stands with Kronik - I wonder if he'll ask them why they never ever do the job. Oh, no, he didn't. Oh well. Clark says "4:19 and you don't have a minute." If they DO win the Finals, would they fight each other? Adams evades the question, telling us once again that it's all about Kronik.

CHUCK PALUMBO & SEAN O'HAIRE & PERFECTSHAWN STASIAK v. KEVIN NASH in a "four corners match" - Hey, Kevin, as I watch you come out in your old red "Outsider" tights and pants, only one question comes to mind: IS IT FUN YET? Stasiak starts - but tags Palumbo before they even lock up. Lockup, to an arm wringer by Palumbo - shoulder drive, again, another wring of the arm - but Nash hits a clothesline. And brushes his hair back. Into the corner hard, and again - big sidewalk slam. 1, 2, O'Haire was probably supposed to make the save, but was a touch late and Palumbo kicked out. To the corner, knee, knee, knee, right, brush back hair, elbow, elbow, crotch chop, crotch chop, elbow, standing on the neck until O'Haire comes in with a shot to the back, forearm, right. Into the ropes, martial arts elbow, kneelift, 2. Why would referee "Blind" Mark Johnson count the fall one minute, then tell him he needs to be tagged in the next? He's in WCW. Stasiak comes in behind Johnson's back as he attempts to get O'Haire into his corner. Is Nash really selling Stasiak's rights, or is he just trying to flip his hair back? That's something like seven rights in a row. Into the ropes, big flying back elbow...

CAT (with Mz. Jonez) v. "PRIME TIME" ELIX SKIPPER - this match needs to be kept in a time capsule for no other reason than Stevie Ray provides his absolute FINEST example of commentary to date, starting from his peals of laughter the moment Cat calls his "Sammy Davis lookin' Jr ass" into the ring. In fact, let's just pull out the spotlight and transcibe Stevie Ray to give you the full flavour of this match. You'll be able to deduce the words of Schiavone and Tenay in between the lines. "Prime Time! Prime Time! Who house is this? Who house is this? Prime Time! Lookit the Cat go! Lookit the Cat go! Armdrag by the Cat! Lookit the Cat go! Three time world karate champion! Oh I heard that one! And he nailed that one! Look out - look out - oh man! Yes. Yes I do. Yes I do, if he got any sense in that big, s-- thick cranium of his - hit on Miss Jones! Look at Prime Time - Prime Time's got a mean streak in him tonight, guys - that's what them yaks do to a man - *put a mean streak* in him, Tony! Ah, he's just out sayin' lookout baby, I got your man in check, that's what he said. Oh! Tell 'em, Prime Time - that's what I'm - hey - hey - you guys don't - you guys don't understand, baby, that's how you got to talk to them yaks, baby, that's what they understand. Prime Time - lookout - AHHHHH!!! HAAAAAhahahahahahahaha - HAAAAhahahahaha - ohhhhhhhh - it came from Yak University - Yak University, baby! Yak U! Yak U! Look out! Boom! Oh MAN, double chop! Well, I guess she - guess she good for SOMETHING - oh oh, oh oh, OH OH...jig jerry jig POP! AHHHHHhahahaha! That was it - I been waiting for it all night, baby! DAAAAhahahah - POW! There it IS! Prime Time. Prime Time's in trouble. Oh, look out. Look out. Lookit the strength, you gotta give it to him - lotta dead weight right there and then Prime Time's got him up, back suplex. Look. What is that? He's got a couple of those, guys. Ow. OH MAN. That - you can never count a guy like the Cat out, he's got such an uh, arsenal. Look out! FEE-liner!" (3:27)

Close captioning where available sponsored by Wizards of the Coast - makers of the WCW Nitro trading card game!

BOOGIE KNIGHTS

Mayhem promo #2 - I think

Gene O. stands with Scott Steiner and Midajah. "Mean Gene, you know I don't give a damn about Sting, I don't give a damn about anybody! I have no friends, I don't want no friends! As long as I have my freaks nationwide, that's all I care about. As far as Sting goes, we're gonna win this world tag team tournament tonight, then I'm gonna beat Sting at Thunder, and at Mayhem, I'm gonna punt Booker's ass worse than I did at Halloween Havoc, and then the Big Bad Booty Daddy is gonna celebrate like he does all the time, horizontal with my freaks!" And he kisses his bicep. I was hoping he'd say something about wrestling himself, but I guess it's just not my lucky night. On the other hand...

WCW UNITED STATES HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: LANCE STORM v. GENERAL RECTION (with Major Gunns) - "If I can be serious for a minute...I don't have time for this, and I don't have time for you people. Rection, I left my boys in the back. You do the same. I know you can't beat me one on one, but at least you can lose with some dignity. All rise for the Canadian national anthem!" Stevie Ray, who busted out "sad sack" for Storm, is the first to talk over the anthem - SHAME! "I can't believe these chumps are standing up, guys!" Anthem lasts (:13) before "Not Edwin K. Starr" fires up and out comes Rection and his "not one of the boys." It might be just me, but Tenay hasn't gone out of his way to act heelish tonight. Staredown to start. Storm shoves him in the face, so Rection pops him one. Block, right, right, right, into the ropes, big back body drop. Storm with a kick, head to the buckle, chop, chop, chop, Rection hulks up, chop, nope. Rection swaps places with him - chop, chop, Storm's trick knee acts up. Into the corner, follow clothesline. Rection blocks the suplex attempt and hits one of his own. Clothesline, clothesline, clothesline over the top rope to the outside. Rection pulls up the mats, exposing...more mats. Vertical suplex onto the "concrete" is blocked...and Storm hits a DDT on the floor. Rection rolled back in - springboard dropkick by Storm, leg is hooked...only 2. Gutshot by Storm, going for a clothesline but Rection catches the arm and drops down, going for an armbar, but Storm rolls forward to get out. Rection with a side headlock takeover, Storm counters with a head scissors, Rection pops out, Storm with a jawbreaker. Storm's superkick is caught, clothesline by Rection. Out of the corner, Storm up and onto the shoulder...running powerslam by Rection gets 2. Here come HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN & ELIX SKIPPER - but here come CORPORAL CAJUN & LIEUTENTANT LOCO & SERGEANT A-WALL behind *them*. Big brawl in the aisle, drawing out referee "Blind" Mark Johnson. Back in the ring, powerslam by Rection. Going up top for the moonsault...but, oh lord have mercy, Gunns rolls Storm out of the way. Storm gets the roll of quarters in his fist - loaded right - 1, 2, KICKOUT? Canadian Maple Leaf.

WCW Magazine ad

Backstage, Gene O. scolds Major Gunns - still in her stars and stripes bikini. "No, Gene, I don't have no explaining to do - this explains it all." Oh, I see - she removes the top to reveal the Maple Leaf bikini top. "And I'm proud to be Canadian!" "Rection, who's laughing now? Who's team's falling apart now? I finish you for good...at Mayhem!"

One more London Letal Lottery Graphic...for the match....happening...NOW!

KRONIK v. WHITE THUNDER (with Midajah) and (THIS IS) STING in the LLL finals - before Sting's entrance, Steiner drops off Midajah at the commentary table, where we *finally* get our first look at the commentary team of TONY SCHIAVONE, MIKE TENAY & JUST SAY FROOT BOOTY ALREADY. Sting starts with Adams...feeling out process. Lockup, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, head down, Adams right to the piledriver. Gorilla press...into a gutbuster. But only 2. Into the ropes, reversed, gutshot by Sting, face jam, jumping DDT, call to the crowd. Sting puts Adams into the ropes, leapfrog, collision, Sting bounces off the ropes and headbutts Adams' crotch. Does he seem to do that spot an awful lot...for a Christian, I mean? Each man tags. Lockup, knee by Steiner, into the corner, kick, kick, kick, right, right, chop, right, chop, right, right, chop, words for referee "Blind" Charles Robinson, into the opposite corner is reversed as Clark holds on - knee to the gut, put in the corner, kick, kick, kick, chop, chop, into the ropes, reversed, Steinerline, kiss the bicep elbowdrop, threatening the ref, head to the buckle, belly-to-belly suplex, mounts him and throws rights to the head. Scoop...but Clark breaks free, gutshot, chop, into the ropes, shoulderblock for 2. Into the ropes, Adams tries a shot, Steiner gives HIM a shot, then pounds on Clark until Adams comes in with a shot from behind. Into the ropes, duck, duck, tag to Sting, and all four men fight in the ring. Sting wails away in a corner on Clark while Adams gets the better of the slugfest, hitting the atomic drop, and a right that takes him outside. Stinger splash! Into the opposite corner, another Stinger splash! Scorpion Deathlock! Adams back in - straight right. Sting fall out as Steiner is back in - gutshot, toss over the top rope to the floor. Steiner with a...Nothern Lights throw? Steiner Recliner - but Adams is in for the save. Full nelson uranage on Steiner by Adams - Clark shutting out Sting with a knee as he gets up on the apron. High Time for Steiner. Clark over to Sting for another shot - but THIS time, it's blocked, and Sting hits a hot shot. Midajah up on the apron to prevent a second High Time. Adams stops the left-handed slap...but not the right-handed one. Sting with a dropkick that takes Adams outside. Clark with a gutshot and Meltdown attempt, but Sting breaks free and hits the Scorpion Death Drop, then hooks the leg for the pin and the win. (5:38) Steiner immediately takes a chair to Sting's back. WHACK! Here comes BOOKA T. with a STEEL chair of his own - WHACK for Steiner! Sting gets up - and T whacks HIM as well! Booker T gives us an intense look as his music starts up...and with those credits, we're out.

You're watching BULL!