TV-14-DL - "We now return you to our regularly scheduled program, already in progress..." Jeff Jarrett kabongs a cajun chef - close captioned - you know, if you wanted to try to FOOL someone, you probably shouldn't air a "Nitro: NEXT!" promo right before you start your "fake" show

WCW logo - I stand by my previous statements

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week

Opening Credits - Vampiro's out, Page and Vicious are in

FIRE IT OFF - coming to you from the Centurytel Arena in Bossier City, LA 12.12.2K (taped 11.12) and airing on Turner Network Television, it's a very special Tuesday Nitro! If only the Kings weren't on TBS, I may have actually bothered to watch this thing live - as it was, I ended up falling asleep, not only missing most of the Supreme Court excitement, but also the Season Premiere of BATTLEBOTS on Comedy Central (because when you think "comedy," think BATTLEBOTS)....oh, wait, something's happening in the back...

In the Commissioner's office, Mike Sanders and Lex Luger shake hands. What why huh? Maybe they'll let us in on it later.

THE MAN is out for a few woooo with us. "Woooo! Woooo! I would say by the reaction, y'all now that we, WCW, are LIVE woooo! in Shreveport tonight!" Oops, two mistakes already. "Woooo! Looking wooo as only we can look woooo! Now...after last Monday night, we've got some real important business to talk about. Number one, our world champion Scott Steiner, number two, number two, his opponent at Starrcade this Sunday, Sid Vicious. (Graphic: Starrcade: this Sunday) Now I know it made a lotta people mad when I took him off the show Wednesday night. That's why they're back here in the building TOnight. But they're gonna play by the rules wooo! The first rule is, they're not gonna come in contact with each other in this arena. They are gonna... hold off - they're gonna be out here, you're gonna hear 'em, you're gonna see 'em, they're just not gon' fight here in Shreveport. They're gonna hold it, they're gonna hold it 'til Starrcade. The second thing is, if they don't, they are gonna suffer a suspension, and in the case of Scott Steiner, if he runs wild tonight, and jumps on Sid Vicious, he'll lose the title. Now, on a personal note, let me say this, Scott Steiner: you are our flagship. You are our world champion. You will conduct yourself as such. Now it's ironic that mah best friend came out here Wednesday night. He's kept your job, Scott Steiner. You got it. Your're the champion! But let me remind you of something: when you put Sting in the hospital, you must have forgotten that Sting might be here tonight with a baseball bat, too. When you put Booker T. in the hospital, you may not know that Booker T. could be here tonight, too. And, when you jumped on the Enforcer, Double A woo by God Anderson. Don't turn your back tonight, because he might be in the building, too. Now, you are our champion, you are our flagship, you are going to wrestle tonight, too, against Sergeant A-Wall for the World title. Woooo!" Here comes MIKE SANDERS to provide tat to Flair's tit. (tee hee) "You, mah friend, have got one of the biggest mad-on's for Scott Steiner I have ever seen in my entire life. You think it matters to Scott who he comes out here and beats all over this damn arena, hell no. But since you're playin' Mr. Matchmaker tonight, I got a match that I wanna make." At this point, the post-production heroically tries to cover up an "Asshole" chant....unfortunately, the commentators don't know they're doing this, so they talk about it, confusing the viewing audience. I believe it's actually written down somewhere that any spontaneous heat generated by the crowd needs to be dampened as quickly as possible....I mean, you don't think they lose eighty million without a PLAN, do you? Flair adds to the confusion: "Commissioner, listen to your people! They're talking to you! Woooo! Listen to your audience! Ha ha ha ha - woooo! Woooo! Whoa whoa whoa whoa....let the commissioner talk...please!" "You know...these Cheese Whiz suckin', backyou-- Bayou backwoods people can barely even afford a damn ticket to this place! But I'm gonna letcha in on a little somethin'. I was gonna wait 'til Starrcade, but I'm not gonna wait to Starrcade. Tonight, we're gonna have a match...it's gonna be a little three way dance. It's gonna be the Perfect Event, Chuck Palumbo and Shawn Stasiak. It's gonna be Jindrak & O'Haire...and it's gonna be Kevin Nash and DDP. And there ain't a damn thing you can do about it." "Our, you're right. For once, just one time, I'm gonna do this like the old days!" Flair removes his jacket, runs the ropes, and struts, but fails to drop the elbow. "Wooooo since you've come out here tonight, brother, let me tell it like it is! Shreveport! Here's the deal! I've promised Sid Vicious somethin' big. And guess what that is - that's YOU, tonight. Oh yeah! That's right - you are gonna wrestle Sid, and if you don't, you're not gonna be the Commissioner anymore! AAAAAND and wooo wooo wooo if - any - of the Natural Born Thrillers interfere, they're historyyyy - woooo! Hey! Hey! Hey! Please! And you know what? The crowd...do you smell that? That, that's not excitement, that's his underwear - go change it! Wooooo! Woo! Woo!" Another strut off the ropes. The music is up, and we're out. "Woooo!"

Earlier Today, Lash LeRoux ran afoul of Scott Steiner ("I don't like you! I don't know you!") - Sergeant A-Wall made the save, but Security prevented them from finishing it. That's why they're wrestling tonight!

GENE O. works tonight! He stands with Sid Vicious - oh my, here we go. "Let me get this right, Gene, Ric Flair says that if I touch Rick Steiner - Scott Steiner, that the match at Starracde is called off. So if I do that, then that means nothing will be left of you, Scott Steiner, because when I get my hands on you, you will be hurt. See, you have made the ultimate mistake - you have pushed the 'riginal Madman too far - you will pay. Hahahahaha..."

Meanwhile, Jindrak & O'Haire remove a monitor and cable from Goldberg's room

Meanwhile, Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker asks Dillinja where Mike Sanders' office is. Disqo catches up and asks if they've let midget wrestling back here. Parker snaps and gets all Sarge on him.

LANCE STORM & MAJOR GUNNS come to ringside as Tony shills Storm T-shirts on wcwgear.com. They cut the Canadian anthem...then start it up again. Let Us Take You Back to Thunder where ... Cat and Team Canada fought, I guess. "If I can be serious for a minute...tonight, we are scheduled in a mixed tag match against the Cat and Miss Jones. But I got an idea, to make this a little more interesting. You see, the Cat's always running his mouth about being the greatest. Well, Cat...how 'bout tonight, if you're not the greatest, if you lose, you come out on Thunder and sing the Canadian national anthem. So Cat, while you think that over in the back, everyone else here at ringside, rise, and show us the respect we deserve for the playing of the Canadian national anthem." Stevie Ray is the first man to speak over the anthem - SHAME! We cut to the crowd, where SANTA CLAUS has arrived. Anthem lasts (0:29) before CAT & MZ. JONEZ interrupt. "Okay, cut the music off! Let me tell you something, you Power Ranger. Now, if you think you and your chicken head can beat us, we gon' get it on, and we gon' show the people in here just who's the greatest. I'm the greatest, and this is the greatest country in the world. So I'm gon' tell you this, since you opened your mouth, Sgt. Carter, if you lose tonight, you gon' sing the American national anthem on Thunder." (Santa walks by way behind them.) "I got no problem with that, Cat, 'cause I don't lose!" "So wait a minute let's close this out - so do you people jere wanna hear this chump sing the national anthem? So I'll tell you what, chump, when I get through whoopin' your ass, and I got one more 'ass,' when I get through whoppin' it, I'm gonna throw you out here, let the people have a piece o' ya!" Starrcade is this Sunday, by the way.

LANCE STORM & MAJOR GUNNS v. CAT & MZ. JONEZ in a mixed tag - Jones wants to start, so Cat encourages a "USA" chant...and makes the tag. Gunns spends about a half hour bending over to get between the ropes, earning her a big pop. Would we call this a "feeling out" process? Golly, I'D sure like to...ohh, whatever. Storm manages to reach over and tug on Jones, causing her to turn around completely...and take a dropkick in the back. Jones manages to fall headfirst into the buckle as well. Commentators make zeppelin references to the aloft Gunns. Er... Gunns points to Cat - who works the crotch chop. Cat might want to get in there and save his woman instead...Gunns in the mount, grabbing the hair and pulling. Big slap. Cat encourages a "USA" chant - THAT'LL help her. Into the ropes (sorta), clothesline ducked, Jones with a roundhouse kick that puts her down - 1, 2, Storm pulls her off...and pulls Gunns close to the corner. Gunns rolls outside...and makes a tag, to Stevie's protestations. "I'm sorry, Tony, I didn't mean to put the heat on ya like that." Anyway, both men are in. Storm with a forearm to the back, head to the buckle, into the ropes, Cat ducks a clothesline, Storm ducks a clothesline. Storm tries a sunset flip, but that doesn't work against the Cat...especially when Stevie is there to say "zig zig zig wow! Ahhahaha! Elbow! Lookit the cat go! OW!" Cat with the splits and the uppercut. Into the opposite corner, Cat off the ropes with a Feliner. 1, 2, Gunns puts the foot on the bottom rope, but referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker has let everything else pass, so why not this? Jones over for the "yakfight" segment. While this goes on, ELIX SKIPPER runs in...but Cat must have eyes in the back of his head as he catches the punch, kick, kick, toss over the top rope. A 2x4 tossed into the ring sails over Storm's head...oops...Cat catches it and puts it in Storm's gut - another kick - 1, 2, 3. (3:09) HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN shrugs. Cat and Jones dance over Storm's corpse. He'll be singing the American national anthem tomorrow. Do you smell something? Smells like...RATINGS

Goldberg has arrived! WALKING!

Promotional consideration paid for by "I'm Next," Slim Jim, America (ha!) Online, Geico, and Geico

The Following Is A Paid Announcement From Jimmy Hart - he didn't pay ME, so I'm not going to bother with the next "wrestling DJ" bout.

In the MIA locker room, Lash talks on the phone with...well, who knows. "Hugh's a little proud, give him some time, he's gonna come around...look, I gotta go." Rection tells him he knows who he's talking about, but he doesn't wanna hear it - it's strategy time. Rection gives A-Wall a pep talk for his world title shot - also, LeRoux gets the Franchise. Rection busts out "by any means necessary."

Meanwhile, Sanders says that if Flair wants to play hardball, we can play hardball. The three way dance for the tag titles just became a four corners match...he's hired Kronik as an insurance policy. Reno takes umbrage. "Kronik's all business - what happened with you and Vito last week was personal." "Personal? You haven't seen personal yet."

Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE, SCOTT HUDSON & STEVIE RAY. They are joined by CROWBAR & 60'S DAFFNEY. "Does anybody know why I'm out here? I don't know, they told me to come out here, I don't know what the deal is - I guess it's an unbelievable response last week to the psychotic Dean of pro wrestling, AH AH." Did E.C. *really* confuse Gordon Solie with Steve Austin?

SCREAMIN' NORMAN SMILEY is out with his shoulder pads, dressed in a...what, is there a local Crawdads hockey team? Daffney: "I got in a fight with a cow tonight, boss. You know....ee ee." "After pondering for some time now why my career is not where it should be, I came to realise one thing. I realise now that my speciality in WCW is the hardcore division. I'm the only two-time world champion of the hardcore division, and therefore, I am going back to my roots, and once again I'm going to conquer once again the hardcore division. Now what I propose to do tonight is throw out an open invitiation to anybody for a hardcore match. And Crowbar, I know you're a heck of a competitor. I hope that once I win this match tonight, you'll give me the first title match. So, one more time: I'm issuing a hardcore match to anybody in World Championship Wrestling, because I rule that division with an iron fist."

SCREAMIN' NORMAN SMILEY v. THEMONSTERMENG (with Afro Paisley) - Smiley gets caught trying to put his shoulderpads on. Punches and kicks abound. Smiley manages to ram Meng's head into the garbage can - and again. NO EFFECT! He throws the shoulderpads at him...they bounce off him. Smiley goes outside and to the aisle. Meng with a headbutt. Smiley's head meets the safety rail. Smiley punches back - into the opposite rail. Right hand. Forearm in the back. Smiley tries a headbutt - and hurts himself instead. Meng whips Ray into the DJ RAN position. Uppercut. Headbutt. SANTA CLAUS is nearby, so Smiley grabs his sack and runs it into Meng's midsection. Rake of the face, into the safety rail. Crowbar, channeling Solie: "Well, ladies, it is the holiday season, and what would the holiday season be without a random Santa Claus beating on our wrestling program." Punch, punch. Smiley tries a kick - Meng answers with a kick and a headbutt. Chop. Rammed into Ran's stage. Meng with a big slap. Smiley gets to screaming. Meng with a kick. Smiley still has Santa's bag - Meng with a forearm in the back. Smiley manages to back into him - right, Meng right, Smiley right, Meng headbutt. Right, right, Meng rolls him back in. Smiley throws a toy at him - another toy. No effect. Smiley pulls out...a branding iron? Santa is in the ring...powder in both men's faces! Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman calls for the bell, because hardcore matches are "no DQ" (relaxed DQ 3:27) Paisley takes offense...Santa holds his ground. THEN he pulls Paisley in the way of Meng's Tongan Death Grip! Stevie Ray thinks this is the funniest thing ever, of course. KWEE-WEE is out to try to get the blinded Meng to release the grip...but all he manages to do is get a Tongan Death Grip with his OTHER hand. Santa removes his wig...it's TERRY FUNK. Chairshot for Smiley. Chair for Meng, no effect, another...he releases the grips. Meng does the Meng dance. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! And Meng finally goes down. "You want Santa Claus? Well I AM the REAL Santa Claus! You understand that! I am the real Santa..." WHACK for Kwee-wee. WHACK! WHACK! "Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! I'm gonna give all you perverts out there a Christmas presents - I'm gonna give you eleven Ho's, all at one time. (Jingle Bells rhythm) Ho ho ho / Ho ho ho / Ho ho ho ho ho. There's eleven ho's. Now, you idiot..I'm talking about you, Crowbar...come on up in here. (NBA on TNT Wendesdays and Thursdays) I've got you a very special present...if you'll put the hardcore championship on the line against me at Starrcade. Get your ass up in the ring." Crowbar complies. "Is this a present or not? Are you gonna wrestle me at Starrcade?" "Absolutely, if you wanna shot - it would be my honour, Terry--" WHACK! Somebody's dug up Funk's music!

Starrcade promo

Parker demands Lex Luger tonight. Sanders says he doesn't have a problem giving him Luger, but he'll have to wait to Thunder...and in the mean time, he'll need to do something for him tonight.

Meanwhile, the Harris Boyz find two giant sandwiches

Meanwhile, the Filthy Animals watch them eat on a monitor. They pull Rey Mysterio out of a suitcase (HUH?) and yuk it up...apparently, Mysterio spiked the sandwiches with laxatives...STAY TUNED FOR MIRTH!

Meanwhile, Gene O. stands with Scott Steiner and Midajah. "Whoa whoa whoa, whoa whoa Mean Gene - what makes you think I care? What makes you think I give a damn what Ric Flair has to say? I've never cared what Ric Flair had to say! See what really happened tonight is Sid Vicious came to the building, he begged, he pleaded with Ric Flair - 'keep Scott Steiner away from me' - 'cause he felt the power! He felt the pain! And he knew he was gonna go through hell when he wrestled me! Well, Sid Vicious, get this straight, I see you in this building, I'm knockin' your ass out. As far as A-Wall is concerned, does A-Wall really wanna wrestle me? Or is that Ric Flair, is that your plan to wear me down for Starrcade? Well Ric Flair, remember this, you bring 'em in - you set 'em up, I knock 'em down."

PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with the MIA. A-Wall's gonna take that belt. Rection says if Franchise wants to turn this into a war, he's not backing down, but tonight, he'll face the Ragin' Cajun Lash LeRoux...LeRoux asks us to look at his sideburns. He stumbles over "by any means necessary," for cryin' out loud. There's no "d" in "necessary!" Rection finally realises that he's unwittingly picked up that phrase from Chavo, and tells them "don't be stupid out there!"

At Starrcade, it's Sid Vicious vs. Scott Steiner. Sadly, it's looking more and more like they're not going to swerve us into a better main event...

Buy your Jeff Jarrett "slapnuts" T-shirt at wcwgear.com

MIKE SANDERS (with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. SID VISCOUS - "Hey, uh...now, listen, this is very important. I wanna make this real simple - had a medical evaluation, and through this medical evaluation, doctor says I can't wrestle, so you're not gonna get Sid and Mike Sanders tonight, 'cause I'm not cleared to wrestle. Whoa...cut his music! Cut the music! Cut the music! Whoa, Sid...Sid, wait a minute. Sid, now I know you're a sensible guy. I've heard the guys in the back talk. You're a sensible guy, and I'm a sensible guy. Okay? You're a sensible guy." (Sid, as he gets in the ring: "I am sensible!") "Now...Sid...I am not medically cleared to wrestle tonight. I am not medically cleared to wrestle tonight. I don't think it's something that you should take advantage of. So...whaddaya say? We can do this another time, we can't do it tonight, 'cause I'm not medically cleared. So let's shake hands and part our ways." Sid's the Original Madman this time around, by the way. Hand of Friendship is accepted...then Vicious unleases a discus clothesline. Clothesline. Into the ropes, big boot. Both these guys are in street clothes, by the way. Spinebuster. Chokeslam coming up...and there it is. Millennium bomb. Sid puts a foot on his chest. 1, 2, 3. (1:00) GIVE HIM THE STICK! "See, Stevie, suckas sayin' when he wake up, tell sucka Mama says it beez that way sometahhhhm! 'cause sucka ain't got no class." What the hell? Hudson: "What is he talkin' about?" Schiavone: "I have no idea." Ray: "I'll explain it to you guys later."

The Insiders are WALKING!

Promotional consideration paid for by "I'm Next," "Toy Story 2" on VHS & DVD, America (again!) Online, Mag-Lite, and Slim Jim (again)

When we come back, Sid asks a security for the keys to all the cars. "I don't have the keys to the cars--" "I said gimme the keys to the cars!" When the security guy protests, Sid rams him into a metal garage door. "Steiner! It's not over!" Did we miss a segment?

Meanwhile, Marie tries to urge Reno to not go crazy. Too late - he finds Kronik and takes the kendo stick to them...but he's one and they're two, so they quickly take control. Marie runs off to get some help. Here comes Big Vito...and now, the Thrillers arrive to get everybody separated. "What the hell is this? What the hell is this? This isn't part of the deal! You guys have screwed yourselves - this isn't part of the deal, I thought he was a Thriller!" And he gives Reno one more shot before they take off. Stasiak: "You guys got a really bad attitude!" Vito: "C'mon you guys, come over here and fight! Huh! You don't mess with the Staten Island boys! Rest up - we're gonna see you at Starrcade! You all right man?" Reno: "You stepped up to the plate, huh?" "That's right man, we're brothers - we be tight. Don't worry 'bout nothin' - we're back together." They hug. Awwww. I wonder what Johnny the Bull thinks of all this.

At Starrcade, it's a return bout for the tag team championship - the InSiders vs. the Perfect Event!

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE and KEVIN NASH (with Let Us Take You Back Last Week & TV-14-DL ratings box) v. PERFECT EVENT & MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE (with NBA on TNT - Wednesdays & Thursdays) - They still have that God-awful "splice the opening to the old music onto the new music" bit for Page - that must have been a cost-cutting technique or something. They may be the InSiders, but they STILL come out separately. Schiavone mentions Kimberly while plugging the annual Christmas story reading at the Mall of Georgia. Nash, Palumbo and O'Haire start. Nash blocks a punch from O'Haire, right, knee for Palumbo, right for O'Haire, knee for Palumbo, double noggin knocker, clothesline for Palumbo in on corner, clothesline for O'Haire in the opposite corner...but he runs right into a Jungle Kick from Palumbo. Holy cow, Hudson remembers to call it the Jungle Kick! I love this man! Doubleteam stompdown. Right by Palumbo, right, right by O'Haire, right by Palumbo, double suplex. O'Haire stands over Palumbo making the cover - 1, 2, Nash gets a shoulder up. Into the ropes...Nash with a double clothesline. Tag to Page! All three men make tags - Stasiak tries a clothesline, but Page ducks it - Stasiak gets a right, left, right, Jindrak's clothelsine is ducked - right, left, right. Stasiak lands one, whip is reversed into an elbow, Jindrak catches the kick, but spins him around and eats a discus lariat...1, 2, Jindrak kicks out. Stasiak with an uppernut to turn it around...Jindrak with a DDT. Stasiak stomps, stomp, Jindrak joins him in a doubleteam stomp. Hard into the corner - bringing him out...to shove him back in. Stasiak whipped into a clothesline of Page. Jindrak does the same. Another clothesline from Stasiak. Stasiak stomps him. Full nelson by Jindrak - Stasiak off the ropes...but into a sleeper from Page..I guess his trick knee acted up on Jindrak. Jindrak is up behind Page - that's a double sleeper. You know what's coming next - yes! DOUBLE JAWBREAKER. Everybody reaches for a tag - O'Haire gets it first, but while punking out Page, he makes the tag before falling out of the ring. Palumbo in as wel - Nash with the block, right, elbow for Palumbo, elbow for Jindrak, elbow for Stasiak. YIKES. Block, right for O'Haire, one for Stasiak, knee for O'Haire, into the ropes and big boot for Palumbo. Truckstop powerbomb coming up...but Jindrak flies in with a big clothesline! Seantonbomb! Jindrak stomps on him...but missed Page coming in behind him with the Diamond Cutter! Stasiak is in with the belt - WHACK! Palumbo placed on top of Nash - 1, 2, 3. (4:25) The Smark just told me that they STILL managed to bury these four guys, even as Nash did the job. I can't really get as worked up about it as he just did, though.

Thunder ad

"WWF Fanatic Series: 3 Faces of Foley" ad in the local slot

Moments Ago, the Thrillers demolished Nash's knee by repeatedly wrapping it around the ringpost during the ad break

Outside, Sid Vicious lines up some cars...?

Meanwhile, Nash's knee hurts. Page shows concern.

"SARGE" DEWAYNE BRUCE (with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. COLD BEER (entrance 1:45) - Okay, anybody who *didn't* see this coming, raise your hand. Still, it's a nice touch that Goldberg (having no monitor in his dressing room) apparently doesn't know that his opponent in the ring is his good, good buddy. Goldberg sees Bruce in the ring, and runs through his range of emotions for our benefit. Goldberg seems reluctant to wrestle him. "I got a job to do, but you ain't included in it." Goldberg turns to leave. Bruce wants to do it, but Goldberg says he can't do it. Hudson: "He's Sarg'in up!" At this point, THE NARCISSIST appears, mic in hand. "Whoa whoa whoa whoa, what a dilemma here, Big Bill. It's tough bein' a big star in WCW, isn't it? So many tough decisions to make, carryin' WCW on those big, broad shoulders o' yours, Bill. While your little buddy there doesn't wrestle me at Thunder unless you get busy, and if I'm not mistaken, that bell's already rung, so if you come out here and lay a hand on me forfeit and you're retired from WCW - how do you like that?" "I ain't doin' it! No!" Bruce spins him around...Goldberg says no again. Goldberg steps between the ropes - Bruce with a forearm, and another. Goldberg comes back in and says no again - right, forearm to the back, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm, kick, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm, right, right, forearm, "come on, Bill! Fight me dammit!" Goldberg won't fight back...but he *is* no-selling, at least. Right, forearm, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, spear. Goldberg shakes his head - he should just cover him, then. But no, he starts to walk away...but Bruce grabs his ankle. Goldberg decides "ah, the hell with it," and jackhammers him for the pin. (2:52) Goldberg puts Bruce over his shoulder and walks off with him...

At Starrcade, it's Goldberg vs. Luger - No Holds Barred - No Disqualification It's five days away!

This Saturday, tickets go on sale for Nitro in St. Paul and Nitro in Ft. Wayne, and don't forget Starrcade Sunday in DC, and Nitro Monday in Richmond!

Backstage, where Crowbar, Kwee-wee and Meng lick their wounds. Jaime Knoble walks up and hits up these guys for career advice. Methinks he could have made a better choice. Anyway, we're saved from this when Evan Karagias arrives with news of Sid Vicious gettin' stupid in the parking lot, yo. They all take off to check it out...

WCWgear.com has the Lance Storm T-shirt - wouldn't it make a fine Christmas gift? Actually........no

FRANCHISE (with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. CORPORAL CAJUN (with Starrcade is this Sunday) - "Cut the damn music! Now Shreveport, you might notice that something's missing from my side. Quite frankly, the fact that I've gotta be in this town without that beautiful woman makes me sick to my stomach! Now, General Rection - Hugh Morrus. You're the cause of her not being here. And so tonight, I'm gonna speed up that dissolving of that group you call Misfits in Action by taking out Corporal Cajun - tonight, he gets his ass Franchised!" Notice carefully that not ONCE did he say "Torrie Wilson" in that promo. Sadly, Cajun comes out to the MIA theme - for an encore, he does NOT say "Le whatever whatever roullex," 'cause who needs local heat to make a match better? Cajun ducks a punch, catches a kick, single leg trip, mount, right, right, right, right, right, right. Into the ropes, back body drop. Nice dropkick. Scoop...and a slam. Cover, 1, 2, no. Forearm to the back. Snap suplex. 1, 2, shoulder up. Elbow, kick, chop, chop. Into the opposite corner is reversed, Cajun up and over, head scissors takes Franchise outside the ring. TOPE SUICIDA! Cajun takes him onto the table. Forearm, right, head into the table, right, back in the ring. Franchise has done NIL this match. Up and over, but Franchise busts out a powerslam. Cajun right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, big atomic drop by the Franchise. Cajun splits under a clothesline, Franchise off the ropes - double clothesline and they're both down. CHAVO GUERRERO JNR is out at this point with a chair for Cajun to use - Cajun says "no." Meanwhile, Franchise is wrapping his fist with a chain. Cajun and Chavo still arguing...finally, Cajun *does* take the chair and put it in Franchise's gut. Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson rings the bell (relaxed DQ 2:57) and even though Franchise has a chain around his fist, he gets the duke. Franchise goes ahead and gives Cajun a loaded punch anyway. Franchise works him over until GENERAL RECTION runs out - Franchise wants no part of him, so he takes off. Rection and Chavo now having intense discussion...nose to nose...but it looks like talking is all they'll do...tonight.

WCW Magazine ad sure has a lot of Torrie in it

Close captioning where available sponsored by Wizards of the Coast - makers of the WCW Nitro trading card game!

Jarrett delivers his sandwiches to the Harris Boyz. He falls deaf to their remarks about already having sandwiches...and their stomachs hurting...

Meanwhile, Sid keeps moving cars...

Paulshock stands with Mike Awesome. He's got a stipulation to announce for Sunday's match with Bam Bam Bigelow - the Career Killer is just itchin' to come back out, so why not make it an ambulance match?

Meanwhile, Gene O. stands with Jeff Jarrett and the Harris Brothers. Tonight, they take on the Filthy Animals in an elimination match. I think my favourite part of this segment was when Heavy D and Big Ron ran off to take a crap.

Live event promo #2

FILTHY ANIMALS (with Tygress...and Let Us Take You Back to Thunder...courtesy WCW.com) v. JEDOUBLEF JADOUBELREDOUBLET (with wcwgear.com hype) and HADOUBLERIS BROTHYRZ in an Elimination match - Big Runs heads back in mid-entrance, and it looks like Heavy Diarrhea isn't going to make it, either. Well, there's two eliminations right there, but Jarrett's a gamer. Punking Konnan in the back with a forearm to start, stomp, stomp, stomp, into the ropes, leapfrog, Konnan with a gutshot, off the ropes, leapfrog, gutshot, facejam, into the ropes, tumblin' clothesline. Kidman & Mysterio with with their version of the H Bomb (unnoticed by the commentators). Jarrett manages a kick in the nuts to Konnan, and dumps Kidman over the top rope as he charges in. Stroke for Konnan (!) - 1, 2, 3. (0:51) The music guy starts to play Jarrett's music, apparently not realising that the match isn't over. Hoo boy. Mysterio in - Jarrett to the eyes. Right hand. Right. Into the ropes, Mysterio twirls, ducks a clothesline, hot shot from the outside by Kidman. Mysterio with a springboard legdrop...for 2. Into the ropes, Jarrett holds on the reverses...big vertical suplex - half hour suplex, at that. Stomp. Field goal kick. Into the corner sternum first. Into the ropes, boot to the midsection, powerbomb...no, Rey punching on Jarrett, Jarrett walking backwards, Mysterio sneaks out a tag...Jarrett DOES powerbomb him...but turns around to eat a missile dropkick from Kidman. Into the ropes, Kidman with a head scissors takeover. DDT! Kidman up top - big splash! 1, 2, Jarrett kicks out!! Kidman argues the cadence with referee "Blind" Mark Johnson but no dice. Mysterio with a dropkick to Jarrett - whipping Kidman into a baseball slide kick to the jewels. Broncobuster by Mysterio. Kidman whips Mysterio in - but Jarrett dumps him...no, crotches him on the top rope! Kidman with a right, head to the turnbuckle, Mysterio just managed to take our Johnson on his way to the apron. Into the corner, reversed, Kidman up and over, going for the tornado bulldog, but Jarrett counters in mid-move with a death suplex. Jarrett goes for the gee-tar...WHACK! Meanwhile, Mysterio is back up - springboard sunset flip - 1, 2, 3! Mysterio wasn't the legal man, of course. (3:55)

Starrcade promo

Here's a Special Video Look at the Starrcade feuds - Natural Born Thrillers and Nash & Page. And here's a Goldberg/Luger history package. And here's a Steiner/Vicious video package

We look outside, where Sid is parking cars. "I can't fight in there - we'll bring the ring out here!"

WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: MESH HEAD MUSH MOUTH (with No Mesh for Midajah...and Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. SERGEANT A-WALL - Champion enters first because he's gonna test me again by daring me to transcribe yet ANOTHER one of his promos. I think you'll agree, however, that a recap just isn't a recap without a Scott Steiner transcript: "Ric Flair...consider yourself a very lucky man. Matter of fact, you better get on your hands and knees and thank your friend Arn Anderson for changing your mind. But understand this, Ric Flair, if you ever think about stripping me of my title, if you ever think about fining me, I will come to Charlotte, Redneck, North Carolina, come to your house, and in your house, I'll kick your ass. Now, Ric Flair, I know what you're doin', but remember what happened to Sting - remember what happened to Booker T. The same thing's gonna happen - you send 'em in, set 'em up, and I'm gonna knock their ass out." Geez, what a disappointing promo. No equinoxes or NOTHIN'. Of course, A-Wall carries the table. I don't know if you've heard, but Starrcade is this Sunday. Steiner scores first by stomping him as he comes in - stomp, stomp, forearm, forearm, in the corner, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, right, right, right. Words for referee "Blind" Billy Silverman. Knife-edge chop, removing the shirt, chop, forearm, chop. Trying to suplex him out of the corner, but A-Wall has the top rope hooked...A-Wall reverses, right, right, right, right, right, right, blatant choke, knife-edge chop, chop. Into the ropes, big boot. Gutshot, right, right, kick, into the ropes, clothesline. 1, 2, Steiner muscles him off. Into the corner, boot up by Steiner. I don't think it HIT anything, but oh well. Belly-to-belly...gets 2. Into the ropes, Steinerline. Kiss the bicep elbowdrop. Silverman gets to 1 before Steiner starts his pushups. Running kick. Tossing him outside...and following. Into the safety rail. Steiner's got a chair - chair to the head. That was enough for a DQ in the Franchise/Cajun match, you know. WHACK in the back. We can only assume Silverman is chatting with Midajah, but neither of them are in the camera's eye, so who knows. A good director would let us know. Then again, maybe they're just wildly inconsistent. Going for the lead pipe, but A-Wall manages to put the chair in his gut. Another chair to the gut. WHACK! Scoops him up...and drops him on the safety rail. Back into the ring...A-Wall after Midajah...no, check that, after the table. Table in the ring. Steiner puts a boot through the ropes to regain control. A-Wall rolled back in - kick to the face. Into the opposite corner, but A-Wall gets an elbow up. Clotheslines him down. Scoops him up - powerslam! 1, 2, NO! A-Wall has him in the choke...chokeslam! But why cover him and get the title when you can set up a table instead? Letting Steiner get up...choke...right hand by Steiner, knee, BLOCKBUSTER SUPLEX THROUGH THE TABLE. That's it - Steiner Recliner and that's all. (5:46) Steiner puts him in a lead pipe-assisted Steiner Recliner after the match. Doesn't he know Sid wants him in the parking lot? Ah...up there on the Turnertron is Sid Vicious. "Hey Steiner! Steiner! I'm talkin' to you! See Ric Flair says we can't fight on the inside...well as you see, I'm on the outside! And as long as I'm out here and you're in there...son, you're ducking me! So come on, boy, if you want some, come and get some. Yeaaahhhh!" Steiner leaves the ring, lead pipe in hand, and runs to the back. Silverman and Midajah are close behind...

Backstage we go, where Steiner continues his trot, Silverman urging him not to do it.

Outside, a lot of wrestlers have gathered to provide background hoots and hollers. Steiner takes the pipe to the windows of a car...and now they're hooking it up - Steiner with a kick, right, kick, lead pipe misses Vicious but takes out another windshield. Vicious right, right, right, right, into and over a car. Vicious on the hood, pulling him back up. Will he powerbomb him on the car? Steiner fighting it - no, he's back up - big right hand, on top of the car, right, right, right, credits are up and we're out. Oops.

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