I will keep watching becuase of those guys besides Animal, DogFace Stiener, Totally Buff, The Cat and Kevin Nash. I tried to be interested in them but they tried even harder to bore me with their horrible matches and awful interviews. They could at least spread out the crappy wrestlers throughout the card rather then put them all together in the most important spot. Large heel factions don't work. (Ie. NWO and New Blood)They take away the focus from Stiener and Jarrett. They don't need sidekicks that suck. If there are WCW fans who do like the current WCW then they deserve eachother. my rant was long enough and at times incoherent but it was also theraputic.Later.

On a completely unrelated note, Mike I. writes: Being a fan of your work as well as Scott's, I feel so torn. Like Drew Barrymore in "Irreconciable Differences'. Only taller and with more facial hair.

I'll let you decide which one is Shelly Long.

RICK WOOF WOOF (already in the ring) v. DUSTIN RHODES (already in the ring) - Rhodes right, right, and Steiner on the mat. Flip flop and bionic elbow! Right! Right! Head to the buckle, gutshot, Steiner back with a knee, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Rhodes with a lariat. Steiner rolls out. But now THE CEO & ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL & MIKE SANDERS are out. (No contest? About 1:00) Flair wants to know what he's doing - he's out of here. "What about it don't you get? I am Ric Flair! This is MY WCW! You don't work here! You're done! You're done! You're outta here!" Flair directs SECURITY to pick him up - Rhodes is ready to meet them, but forgetting Steiner is behind him - Rick with a forearm to the back of the head to take him out of the ring and into the circle of security. Flair says he'll sue him for everything he's got if he touches any of the Security guys. Back to Texas with him, and that fat boy over there can keep his mouth shut. "You'll never work here! You'll never work here!" With Rhodes escorted out, Flair turns to Steiner. "Hey Champ! How are ya Champ?" The entourage joins Steiner in the ring. "It's power! You've seen it! It's power! I just saved his life, didn't I? What about this don't you understand? I am the most powerful man in the world!" Crowd boos. "WE - ME - the Magnificent seven - we run the world! And I'm dead serious." Cue the CAT's music as he and MZ. JONEZ walk out. Cat asks Flair if he's lost his damn mind. "I'm gon' tell you something - I reinstated Dustin because I'm the commissioner and I can do that." Also, he's gonna reinstate his foot in Flair's (mute). Flair halts his approach by telling him he's booked tonight, and his opponent is on the big screen behind him - we look back to see Lance Storm WALKING! Flair goes on to say there's a special referee in this match for his commissionership - and Sanders removes his shirt and tie to reveal the zebra stripes. Flair promises Cat will be just another Joe Blow when it's all said and done...the match will start in three minutes.

Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE & SCOTT HUDSON - both men in all black - probably more a coincidence than a message to the viewer. Tonight: Cat vs. Storm for the Commissionership! (Hey, wasn't this a SuperBrawl match?) Cat says something we can't hear on the house mic - the crowd seems to dig it - Cat enters the ring....and we take our first ad break.

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Burger King!

Two weeks from tonight, WCW Pardi Gras hits Nawlins! Sponsored by 1-800-COL-LECT and America (ha!) Online, it'll be the biggest bash in town!

Backstage, Chavo asks Flair what was up with El Nino last week - they made him look bad. Flair says Mysterio got to the REAL El Nino and pulled his own deal last week, but he'll make sure Chavo gets him back before SuperBrawl.

CAT (already in the ring - with Mz. Jonez) v. LANCE STORM (without Major Gunns - she was fired) for the commissionership of WCW - no opening bell as Sanders is too busy eating a right from the Cat - Cat all over Storm, ino the ropes, flourished double thrust. Back kick and dancin' uppercut for Sanders. Back and forth with Lance - jiggy jig jig yaa - breakdancin' elbowdrop is stopped when Sanders starts waylaying on him. Double into the ropes, Cat manages a double DDT. Double breakdancin' elbowdrop. Covering Storm - grabbing Sanders' arm to make the count - 1, 2, Storm kicks out (ha). Storm with a jawbreaker. Sanders holding him just long enoughu to make sure he ducks so Storm's kick takes HIM down. Feliner for Storm - leg is hooked - but Sanders is out. Cat counts his own three then returns to Sanders. Looks like he's trying to remove the striped shirt...Storm with a superkick and the half crab - Sanders immediately calls for the bell. WHAT A MATCH!! (1:40) Cat tries to get him some post-match but he's one and they're two, and they're *finally* on the same page. THE CEO & THE OTHER SIX are out. "All right! All right! Hail the new commissioner! Hail the new commissioner! Only one thing wrong, guys. Hey! Everybody look at this - this is WCW! And guys, I would never ask you to do me a favour, I'm so tired, worn out by the Cat, let's just go down there and make mincemeat out of him right now." Looks like it's everybody but Scott Steiner. Sorry. Flair instructs Rick to crossface him and put some sugar on it. Jones, outside the ring, can't pull him to safety. "Hey guys." KEVIN NASH is on the Nitrotron. "Hey guys! I wouldn't do that if I was you.

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During the Break, Flair tells Sanders he's gotta go find him. Sanders wonders aloud if he's even in the building. "My kid's neck's on the line! Steiner's out of his mind! You've gotta find him!"

Totally Buffed catch up to Palumbo & O'Haire and butter them up. Flair has been watching them for a very long time, and he wants them to be part of Flair's WCW, so they can have all the gold.

Meanwhile, Sanders is calling out for Dustin Rhodes - oh, I thought he was sent to look for *Nash* - oh well. Anyway, Sanders *does* catch up to Rhodes and delivers the good news - no, not that the PPV is six days away (that's the graphic's job) - he's been booked in a match with Rick Steiner, and he's reinstated if he wins. Rhodes says the only reason Flair wants him out there is to save his son, but he's got other plans tonight. Deliver the message. "It'll be a cold day in hell before I get my butt out there in that ring tonight." Rhodes threatens to clock him with his boot. Sanders takes off. Rhodes whispers to himself (and the camera) "Oh, this is gonna be fun - it's GOOOOD to have Kevin Nash as a buddy." I refrain from checking my ironyometer.

TONIGHT? Dustin Rhodes vs. Rick Steiner

Promotional consideration paid for by Geico, Geico, America (ha!) Online, Hot Pockets from Hot Pockets, Randstad (who?) and Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" on pay-per-view

What better way to kick off WCW's Road to Spring Break-Out 2001 (and last Nitro ever?) than with Pardi Gras at Mardi Gras! Brought to you by 1-800-COL-LECT

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Flair's on the phone with...somebody. Sanders appears - Flair asks him to tell him some good news. Sanders is reluctant to say anything. Flair tells him to make any deal (within reason) to get Rhodes under contract...or else *he'll* be the one talking to Scott Steiner in fifteen minutes.

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (Savage), Buckley's cough mixture, 1-800-BAR-NONE, Hot Pockets from Hot Pockets (again), and Randstad (who?)

Don't forget - tomorrow on TBS is the Kings vs. the Jazz!

GENE O. works tonight! He stands with Mark Jindrak & Shawn Stasiak - tonight, Stasiak takes on Palumbo. Stasiak is probably the *worst* interview in WCW right now - he's not even good enough for me to transcribe for posterity. Gist is: he carried Palumbo, and he'll prove it tonight.

Meanwhile, Diamond Dallas Page catches up to a pouting Cat and gets all PHILOSOPHICAL with him. "Do you forget what Ali said, man? 'You're only a loser when you quit the fight.' Dig?" Page promises that Jarrett has earned a one-way trip to Bangtown. As for Kanyon...

Meanwhile, Animal has Sanders lifted off the ground. "Tell me it's done!" Sanders says it's done - Flair apologises and there's hugs all around. After Sanders is sent off, Flair asks Animal to be his insurance policy tonight. It's about his kid! Animal takes the loyalty oath.

Let's Take a Special Video Look at the Steiner Brothers. Narrated by ASK MIKE TENAY DOT COM, this is a weak attempt to explain away Rick's gazillionth turn with a "blood is thicker than water" vibe.

COMING UP... Dustin Rhodes vs. Rick Steiner!

RICK WOOF WOOF (with the TV-14-DL ratings box & Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. DUSTIN RHODES - it's seven to the hour...looks like they'll once again manage to time it perfectly and have this match end just in time for RAW to start. But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself...let's find out together. Did I mention that NBA basketball airs on TNT Wednesdays and Thursdays? I think I missed a few of these earlier, but damned if I'm gonna go back and FIND them. Holy crap, Dustin, get a cup or something! Steiner swings the belt and misses - Rhodes in - punchfest erupts. Steiner sent into the ropes, reversed, Rhodes ducks, lariat. Right, right, right, flip, flop, grab the penis, double axe handle. Rhodes needs to PUT that thing away. Sheesh. Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman wants some room so Steiner can get back in - Steiner begging off once he IS in. Ref shoved into Rhodes - and Steiner sneaks in a giant kick to the jimmy (hmm, HE noticed, too) as Silverman's back is turned. Right hand from Steiner. Into the ropes, Steinerline. Woof woof woof! 1, 2, no. Steiner argues the cadence and gets muted in the process. Choke on the second rope. Another mute. Rhodes takes a wild swing...and falls. Straight right by Steiner. Rhodes punches back - Steiner with a knee. Through the ropes to the floor, and Steiner follows. Heading to the commentary table...no, it's a whip into the safety rail, reversed and *Steiner* hits! Steiner into the ringpost (sorta). Rhodes with a right - Steiner with a right, right, everbody back in the ring, Steiner kicks a field goal and goes to the rear chinlock. Forearm across the face. Belly-to-belly suplex. Steiner tells Silverman to count - 1, 2, kickout. Steiner gets up and asks for an apology - and gets it! Straight right to Rhodes. Rhodes with a kick, kick, kick, Steiner pops back with six or seven rights - maybe eight. Back to the chokes on the second rope, tearing at the face at the same time. Tony says Rhodes' nose is bleeding. Steiner takes too long to pose...Rhodes coming back with a gutshot, right, into the ropes, sleeper! Steiner manages the jawbreaker to stop it. Rhodes is bleeding something fierce from his nose. Steiner stands on the neck for 4. Snapmares him over, to the headlock. Steiner goes ahead and puts his feet on the bottom rope as well. OLD SCHOOL, BABY! Silverman *just* misses the feet on the rope. Back to the rope - Silverman probably caught it that time, but old school dictates Steiner can't get caught until the third time.

Scott Steiner and Midajah are in Flair's office - Steiner isn't too happy about having to defend his belt tonight. Nash suddenly appears on Flair's (MAGIC) monitor...I couldn't hear him, but it sounds like he said he'd pop David one if Flair tried to pull a fast one and do anything but one on one tonight. Steiner says nuts to this, he's gonna do it his own way...

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The Castrol Motor Oily replay is Franchise taking out Animal, Steiner, Rhodes with the DDT...and pin. But at what cost - Franchise's left arm?

PRIMETIME UP ELIX SKIPPER v. KIDMAN (without Tygress - she's been fired) in a Cruiserweight Qualifier - "All you dumb Americans listen up - in case you didn't hear the lyric...in case you didn't hear the lyric, this is MY house! And I built this house! So I want all you dumb Americans to sit back and relax, 'cause I'm gonna show you somethin' you ain't NEEEEEEEVAH seen before. In fact, I'ma give you a taste...of Prime Time." Kdiman comes to the ring alone and without a first name, to the Filthy Animals theme. I hear that SuperBrawl Revenge is six days away - pass it on. Skipper punks out Kidman in mid-pose to get it on, Kidman ends up on the apron. Block, right, shoulder, back in over the back, ducks a clothesline, jumping back elbow, nips up, dropkick! Kidman with the Four Punch Count Along...Skipper trying to pull him out, but Kidman snaps off a 'rana to take Skipper out to the floor. Is Kidman gonna fly? No, he's gonna slide out under the ropes, grabbing his head for a faceplant on the way down. Into the safety rail! Slide back in the ring, Kidman over the top rope from the apron with the guillotine - 1, 2, Skipper kicks out. Into the ropes, Skipper goes behind and hits a BIG German release suplex. Skipper wants him to know who's house it is. Off the ropes with a straight right. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Choke on the bottom rope by Skipper. "USA!" Going for the choke again - referee "Blind" Mark Johnson pulls him off. Kidman tries a gutshot, left, right, but Skipper has more behind *his* right. Kneelift, forearm in the back to put him down. Kidman fires back, right, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed by Skipper, Kidman ducks the clothesline, Skipper bridges under the crossbody and Kidman follows through all the way to the outside. Skipper's not done - CORKSCREW PESCADO!! Kidman run into the safety rail. And one more meeting of Kidman and the safety rail. Overhand forearm by Skipper. Kidman wants back in but Skipper pulls him out again- into the apron hard, kick, rolled under the rope and back in - Skipper covers - 1, 2, no. Skipper with a Euro forearm, kick, whip into the opposite corner is reversed, but nobody home on the splash - Skipper with a kick, climbing up after sitting him on top - Kidman punching out - SECOND ROPE SITOUT POWERBOMB!! Kidman covers - only 2! Kidman going for the death suplex - Skipper backflips out and lands on his feet - full nelson - DRAGON SUPLEX!! How can Kidman kick out at 2? Well, he did - hooks the arm off the unsuccessful clothesline - reverse suplex by Kidman - and *he* gets 2!

COMING UP... Kevin Nash vs. Scott Steiner

See the stars of WCW live - while you still can! Friday tix go on sale for McMinnville (WHERE?) - tix also on sale for Nitro in Gainesville - Saturday, tix on sale for Nitro in Greenville - tickets are STILL on sale for Sunday's big PPV in Nashville, by the way - this could be the penultimate WCW pay-per-view, so you better....well, only if you *want* to.

Close captioning where available typed in by George Foreman for MEINEKE!

Gene O. stands with Hugh Morrus. Sunday at SuperBrawl, he gets the Wall. Morrus promises to have Wall's blood on his hands Sunday. Then he challenges Chavo Guerrero Jr. and the Wall to a tag match against him and Rey Mysterio Jr. for Thunder.

Meanwhile, Scott Steiner and Midajah are prowling around, on the hunt for Kevin Nash. Scott beats up a random crew member.

Meanwhile, Flair is still on the phone (to who?) ohhh, it's *Beth* on the other end of the line. Gotcha

Here's a Special Video Look at the Long History Between Diamond Dallas Page and Kanyon - wow, there's a lot more old Russo crap in this package than I would have like to have been reminded of...

New WCW Magazine ad - they had to come up with something since they couldn't include "the Women of WCW" anymore. "This month, Eric Bischoff shoots straight from the hip!" Eric Bischoff? What's HE got to do with WCW?

Don't forget - Pardi Gras is two weeks away! Don't forget - it's sponsored by 1-800-COL-LECT and America (whee) Online

SHAWN STASIAK (with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. CHUCK PALUMBO (with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week & NBA Wednesdays and Thursdays), when the Perfect Event collide - Stasiak comes to the ring to Mr. Perfect's music, while Palumbo sticks with the tried and true Natural Born Thrillers theme. Jawjacking in the ring to start - slap by Stasiak, right by Palumbo. Stasiak with a kick, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, shoulder up by Stasiak - Palumbo ducks the clothesline, and lands the right hand. Into the ropes, big back body drop. Clothesline out of the ring. Referee "Seen My Brother Around?" Scott James puts on the count - Stasiak hits the hot shot on his way back in.

COMING UP... Kevin Nash vs. Scott Steiner!

"The Lost World" is NEXT!

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE HAS CRAPPY MUSIC comes out through the crowd to the ring 'cause he's a SUCKUP. Also he upends some guys drink in the front row trying to jump over the railing - ha! "Yo! This Sunday at SuperBrawl - the Chosen One Jeff Jarrett and DDP will tear - it - down. And you, Chosen Monkey, that leaves you with a choice of choosing the big bang theory, which means at Slapnuts SuperBrawl, you will feel the BANG! Now, I'd be a little remiss if I didn't mention the fact that Kanyon's back. And since Kanyon's back, I gotta ask a question: who's a bigger scumbag than Kanyon? Exactly, nobody. Nobody but a scumbag like Kanyon tries to get over by impersonatin' ya, by tryin' to steal your look, by tryin' to steal your music, steal your signature sign, and even stealin' your finishin' manoeuvre (the Diamond Cutter) and changin' the name to the Kanyon Cutter? I don't think so! Kanyon, you're gonna learn firsthand that NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY, steals nothin' from Diamond Dallas Page. You're back? Well, monkey, I'm JACKED, and I'm right here - anywhere, anytime. I'm gonna getcha, monkey." For some reason, JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out. "Listen up, you bangin' slapnut! Stop worrying about Kanyon, because your butt is gonna be Positively mine this Sunday at SuperBrawl. Come Sunday,

Backstage, Steiner is following cable to the room where Nash started out the show - on a monitor, he spies Nash and David Flair - and they're WALKING! So he's out after them...

UP NEXT... Kevin Nash vs. Scott Steiner! Funny, but most of these clips are of David Flair...

Pardi Gras is brought to you by 1-800-COL-LECT and America Online! Got it in your head yet?

KEVIN NASH (with David Flair) v. WHITE THUNDER (with Meshy Midajah) for the World Heavyweight Championship - Right hand puts Flair down in the ring. Flair staggers back up as RIC FLAIR & TWO SECURITY DRONES come out. "Nash, Nash, Nash, I have done everything you asked me to do - please - I've done everything - brother this is not an easy job tonight, pal, I've done everything! Now let me have my son back, please. Please. Come on - enough. Please. I've done everything. Please. I've done everything." Nash picks up Flair and leads him to the ropes...then pulls him back and delivers the Truckstop Drop, to Ric's dismay. Ric directs his two Security guards to collect David's corpse as Steiner's music starts. Nash pops Steiner as he hits the apron, head to the buckle, again, and a right puts him on the floor. Nash goes out to meet him - right. Slid into the ring - Nash in over the top rope, grabbing him as he tries to escape - into the ropes, reversal, so Nash knees him - whip, pulled back into a short clotheslilne - 1, 2, no. Right by Nash. Steiner is in the corner- knee by Nash, knee, knee. Right hand misses by a mile, but Steiner sells it, God bless him. Elbow, right, six days to SuperBrawl Revenge, clothesline takes Steiner over the top to the floor. Nash Diesels over the top rope and goes outside. Into the safety rail. Outside, Ric loads David into a limo - then tells his assembled team members to "kill Nash." Nash going for...Snake Eyes on something outside? Steiner lands back on his feet, however, and puts Nash into the post. Nash put back in the ring, Steiner in, knee in the back, running stomp, belly-to-belly suplex gets 2. Steiner argues the count with referee "Blind" Mickie J., then runs up into another stomp on Nash. In the corner, kick, kick, forearm, forearm, chop, clothesline, chop, forearm to the back. Steiner mouths off to the crowd, then eggs on a different section. Into the ropes, Steinerline. Kiss the bicep, drop the elbow, 1, 2, no no it's pushup time for Steiner. Headlock. Here come TOTALLY BUFFED & JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET & RICK WOOF WOOF but they're cut off by CAT & DUSTIN RHODES & KRONI>|. Nash has powered out of the submission hold in the meantime, and hits a death suplex. Both men up slowly. Nash with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right, into the ropes, Steiner ducks the clothesline but Nash hits the sidewalk slam...for 2. Into the ropes, big boot. Down come the straps - you know, that never works for Nash, though - he shouldn't do that. Sure enough, here comes THE CEO - into the ring as Steiner assumes the position - right hand has no effect except to cause J. to throw out the match. (relaxed DQ 5:16) Flair sneaks in a chop before Nash goes to work - right, knee, into the ropes, big boot. Flair assumes the position - truckstop drop! Meanwhile, Midajah has passed Scott Steiner the lead pipe for a little Gillooly action. WHACK! WHACK! I think Nash just said "Why me, why anybody?" But I can't tell for sure - credits are up and we are OUT.

Oops, just enough time leftover for one more SuperBrawl Revenge ad.

Hey, the *wrestling* was better, at least. Still, as it stands we're looking at six more episodes of Nitro before it's all over, so it's kinda difficult to get *too* excited.

We'll see.