You probably don't need *me* to tell you that SuperBrawl Revenge was a total "placeholder" show - I mean, you can tell that I'm pretty slow on the uptake because I actually sat through one title match to figure out that nothing was going to change at this show - at least as far as title changes. Cat's commissionership win was nothing but a reset button - but at least he can now call himself a "three-time World Championship Wrestling commissioner and/or karate champion," I guess. They hot-shotted the Kanyon/Page matchup without any advance hype...I guess they thought it wouldn't make any difference in the buys whether they did so or not? If there were ANY surprises coming out of the show, it's that Nash actually jobbed *twice* - although one could cynically note that it happened ONLY after scoring a pinfall in twenty seconds over the champ, thus rendering the rest of the match a "Dusty finish" and not *really* counting in the minds of whoever...not to mention getting a paid vacation out of the deal as well.

Did it look like the ol' heat machine was full force in full effect last night? The portion of the crowd *I* kept seeing was sitting on their hands while the soundtrack was REALLY excited...who knows.

On another tack, do you realise it's been roughly a year since Scott Hall's final match? His last act was jobbing to Sid Vicious in the SuperBrawl 2000 three-way dance.

SuperBrawl Revenge clip package - TV-14-DL ratings box - close captioned logo

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: This sucks. - Tony Schiavone, to close out last night's PPV (disclaimer: this quote just may be taken out of context)

"Exclusive Footage" shows Kevin Nash - WALKING! out of the building - for those of you keeping score at home, this is the SECOND pay-per-view in a row to run long, necessitating "cut" footage to open up Nitro... Hey, that's what happens when you give Hugh Morrus and the Wall ten minutes between the bells!

AND for the second month in a row, the funeral march plays over the PA as six pallbearers in black suits carry a closed casket to the ring as a "KEVIN NASH R.I.P - FEBRUARY 18, 2001" graphic appears on the Nitrotron. Poor WCW once again has the misfortune of booking this angle one day after Dale Earnhardt dies. Wow, that thing looks heavy! Wonder who's in it? Here comes the MAGNIFICENT SEVEN behind them, dressed all in black - Flair in probably the same tux he wore last night at the PPV. Steiner doesn't have his freak with him? Hmm, the lid on that coffin hasn't been opened yet... Here we go. Flair: "With all due respect...this is a very, very serious, enduring moment. We're gathered here tonight to bid farewall to a man who walked as a giant amongst titans - a man who left a mark on this business that will be remembered forever. One of the three original founding fathers of the NWO, along with Hulk Hogan and Scott Hall. Kevin Nash was that special kind of man, that special kind of athlete that comes along once in a lifetime, and now, tragically, his career...has come to an end. YOU WANNA KNOW WHY? Because the Maginificent Seven struck again last night, and now there's nobody left to stand up against us, as a matter of fact, there's no one practically to stand at all, right, Mr. World Heavyweight Champion?" "You know, before every great team, there is a great leader, and Ric Flair, you proved you're greatly - you're greatness last night, when you made the stipulations, you bent the rules, allowing me to break Kevin Nash's back in the Steiner Recliner, sending him into early retirement! You see, our motto here in the NEW WCW - 'winning isn't everything, it's the only thing,' and if we gotta break bones, bake rules to achieve that, we're gonna do that! Ladies and gentlemen, you're looking at history, and I'm the man making it! See never before has a man blazed such a path of destruction, but then again - I'm no ordinary man - I'm a genetic freak. And you know, everybody knows my first victim was Sting.... (Graphic: "STING R.I.P November 15, 2000") See Sting was the first guy that I sent to the hospital, but see, Sting, I've called that hospital - you're not there no more, you're just too afraid to come back. Booker T - you were next...and you were easy. ("BOOKER T - CHAMPIONS AND CAREER - November 26, 2000") Goldberg...("GOLDBERG R.I.P. January 14, 2001") Goldberg - I gave you the worst defeat of your career...and I wish you were man enough to still be in this sport, because I wanted, I begged, I pleaded for a rematch...but you weren't tough enough. Now everybody's seen Sid Vicious suffered at the hands of me the most horrific leg injury in the history of this sport because...he felt the power. ("SID VICIOUS R.I.P. January 14, 2001") Now last night, Kevin Nash, I was gonna let you live out the rest of your life at the Shady Rest rehired - retirement home, but you made a mistake. You put your hands on my freak - nobody touches my freak! So sleep with one eye open, because I'm not through with you yet. But you're in the past, you're history, and I'm here to talk about what the future-- what happens now until Greed, and that means there's one man - there's one man left. And I'm gonna enjoy inflicting more punishment, more pain, but with a little bit of difference, I'm gonna do it with a smile on my face. And rather than tell you who it is, I'm just gonna show ya." He opens the casket...and "POSITIVELY" KANYON does the zombie situp. "BANG! Diamond Dallas White Trash - you call yourself the People's Champion - we'll I'm the world champion, and I'm sure you might have some jabrones in the back, still your friend, still your ally, but that ends tonight, 'cause - because tonight...Buff, not only beat the Cat, destroy the Cat. Jeff Jarrett...not only beat Dustin Rhodes, destroy Dustin Rhodes. Kanyon...even though I've got Page at Greed, and not only do I want you to beat him, I want you to hurt him, just enough, just enough for him to survive, because Page, when you get to S- to Greed, are you gonna wanna crawl into this casket to escape the pain!" Page may have said something at this point, but his mic wasn't on. At any rate, the crappy music of DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE HAS CRAPPY MUSIC hits and we turn to the other end of the arena to see Page out in suckup land, in the crowd. "Over here, Einsteiner! Kill the music, idiot. You say you're gonna make my life a living hell? Well I've been to hell, and I'm here to tell you that you can't do anything, and I mean ANYTHING to me, as long as I get you at Creed. Tonight, you're gonna get that jabrone in the coffin, that impersonator a rematch with me? Well I live for it. We'll see who's the last man standing - we'll see who FEELS - THE - BANG!"

So is it the Magnificent EIGHT now? Or is it Flair PLUS the Magnificent Seven? Ah, the problems of fluidic number space...

Ms. Jones and Cat have a public chat for the benefit of our cameraman. She congratulates him for winning the commissionership again, and he thanks HER for being one of the three women not to get fired by WCW over the past few weeks. Well, he doesn't actually say that, but Cat DOES say that, for the fans, he'll start a cruiserweight tag division - an eight team tourney will start next Monday with the champs crowned at Greed. Turning to the previous segment, he says he'll have no problems with Buff tonight. Also, he has spoken.

Doesn't Eric Bischoff HATE tag team wrestling, though?

SHANNON MOORE (with SuperBrawl Revenge clips) v. JAIME KNOBLE (with Outrageous Evan Karagias) - Moore is apparently alone here because he and Helms had some issues during last night's four corners elimination match, which saw Helms enter as a last-minute replacement for Kidman...then win the whole darn thing. Knoble hits the ring, ducks a clothesline, chop, Moore into the ropes, slides under, catches the kick and spins him around. Moore with a sleeper, Knoble turns out and Moore backflips to his feet. Leaprfrog by Moore, Knoble over the top to the apron, head through the ropes into the gut, up to the top and Knoble hits a nice missile dropkick. Head to the buckle by Knoble - Moore into the opposite corner, up and over onto the shoulders, pops up and does a spin to land face up, then snaps off a headscissors. Knoble to a corner to pull himself up - Moore running at him but nobody home and Moore crotches himself on the way to bouncing off the ropes. Scoop....and a slam by Knoble. Going up top...Moore with a right, another right, chop, climbing up to meet him - not all there flying headscissors on his way down but Knoble duly flips - and Moore gets 2. Suplex attempt, no, go behind, standing switch, Knoble with a hiplock. Moore with a kick to Knoble's jaw, and there's a flying headscissors from Moore once again. In the corner, attempting the monkey flip but Knoble doesn't let him, shoving him off...and there's a big clothesline out. Knoble in control - Northern Lights gets 2 from referee "Blind" Mark Johnson. Moore's head meets the buckle - big chop from Knoble - into the opposite corner, boots up by Moore. Moore going up top - corkscrew moonsault! For 2. Moore puts him in the corner - flying leg lariat and nowhere for Knoble to go. 1, 2, no. Into the corner is reversed by Knoble, but Moore goes up and over the top rope to the apron - Knoble's shoulder hits the buckle - Knoble ducks an apron clothesline - *Moore* ducks a clothesline, Moore's next one hits...but the slingshot senton comes up empty as Knoble slides out. But Moore comes to and hits a baseball slide. He's gonna fly - NO HANDS TOPE CON HILO! Both men take a moment, and now they're both up. Karagias tries a clothesline, but Moore ducks it, then dropkicks Knoble into Karagais - and *he* hits the STEEL steps pretty hard. Moore running at Knoble, who drops and boosts him over his head onto the apron - Moore tries a back kick, but Knoble catches the boot and yanks him back to the floor. Rolled back in - Knoble following, but Karagias DDT's him (sorta) on the apron! Knoble is out on the apron - easy pickings for the Bottoms Up (Rocker Dropper/Fame'Asser) from Moore. 1, 2, 3. (4:45) Post-match, Karagias and Moore look to strike a quick alliance...and BOTH men stomp on Knbole - did 3 Count just get reconfigured before our very eyes? Each man does the "drivin' the Cadillac" and it appears so. Replay of the (no hands!) tope con hilo and Bottoms Up for the pin.

WCW Pardi Gras kicks off the Road to Spring Breakout next week! OH BOY! America Online sucks!

Kidman & Konnan share a private moment with the cameraman - sounds like they're challenging Road Warrior Animal and Chavo Guerrero. What does "it's all gravy" mean? Who are they talking to anyway? Konnan's all looking off in the distance and arriba la raza'ing it - I'm so confused! (Wasn't it leaked to you that Gene Okerlund was fired?) Well, let's not jump the gun here - let's just say instead that he's got the night off and leave it at that.

AWESOME MIKE AWESOME (with SuperSwerve Revenge clips...and Lance Storm's music) v. BRYAN CLARKE - last night, Awesome dressed up as Clarke and got away with it, thanks to a notable lengthening of the period when the lights were off. Anyway, thanks to Awesome, Totally Buffed won the match and got the title shot for Greed. Clarke's out for some revenge tonight, and goes to Awesome like gangbusters - feel the power of the almighty CHOP! Now taste my knee in your abdomen! Have some turnbuckle with your head! And did you know that the NBA was on TNT Wednesdays and Thursdays? Before this gets too interesting, ELIX SKIPPER comes out, LANCE STORM comes out,

Backstage, Cat is WALKING! along with Ms. Jones and Security (who look suspiciously like the pallbearers, only in T-shirts instead of jacket and tie) - he directs Security to keep Storm in the ring so he can deliver him a special message. What could that message be? Stay tuned!

Promotional consideration paid for by Geico, Geico, Randstad (who?), Plus+White, Nutra Nail (huh?), and Hot Pockets from Hot Pockets. Holy cats, did the over-50 demos kick in on these ads, or WHAT?

When we come back, Cat is in the middle of talking - it's seemingly time for vengeance for all those nasty things Storm did during the few hours he was commissioner. Tonight, he'll face the guy on the Nitrotron...and introduces - hey, that's Cesar Romero! No, wait, it's Hugh Morrus. Hey, I can see his fillings! Cat goes on to say Awesome and Storm will end up back in Saskatchewan making pancakes (?) if they interfere, because he has spoken.

Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE & SCOTT HUDSON. Tony's decided to wear a white shirt this week, so as to look not in mourning. Hudson, however, is still in his black period.

Here's a Special Video Look at KID ROMEO - yes, *Kid Freakin' Romeo.* Somebody must have gotten wind of him appearing that WWF taping or something, because not only is he on his way to WCW, he's got his own vignette! "Women all over the world...love me. Everybody wants to be like Kid Romeo! I must be the man!" He's...driving a Prowler...to an Ultra Nate-esque soundtrack. "Tell me why" indeed! I hope he doesn't whip out those glowsticks again!

Next week, you know you gots to tune in because the Road to Spring Breakout 2001 begins with WCW Pardi Gras! Thanks, 1-800-COL-LECT! Thanks, Crappy AOL!

CHAVO GUERRERO JNR (with SuperBrawl Revenge clips and Konnan & Animal brawling in the back - no, wait...) - If Kid Romeo is a Latin sensation, what does that make the current champ? We look backstage to see that, yes, Konnan and Animal are having fun with various implements backstage, including the dreaded *empty cardboard box.* Oooh! Chavo is content to watch this on the big screen along with the audience, when suddenly KIDMAN arrives through the crowd behind him, and forearms him in the back - lefts and rights, into the ropes, reveresed, head down, facebuster by Kidman, standing dropkick, right, into the corner, biiig back body drop, right hand, into the opposite corner, clothesline off the ropes as he bounces off. Referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker decides, hey, maybe the match *didn't* start after all, so we take an ad break. (? 0:41) Well, not right away...first,

NEXT WEEK: The Cruiserweight tag team title tournament begins!

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Randstad (again), Nutra Nail (again), Plus+White (again), Hot Pockets (again), and America (ha!) Online

CHAVO GUERRERO & ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL v. KIDMAN & KONNAN - Konnan is a "heavyweight." In the ring, Chavo hits the tornado DDT - this might be a short match....oh no, Chavo is out to help Animal turn it around against Konnan. Konnan rolled in to join his partner...no, I guess Kidman is on the outside now. Konnan puts Guerrero in the corner - he gets the feet up on the shoulders, but Konnan swings him over to the apron, then hits a springboard dropkick to take him to the floor. Kidman throws him back in. Konnan tags. Forearm by Kidman - into the ropes, biiiiig back body drop by Kidman. Konnan pops him one as well. Right by Kidman. Into the ropes, jumping elbow by Kidman, who nips up. Scoop.....and a slam. Kidman going up to the top floor...but nobody's home on the plancha. Both men are down - tag to Konnan - who just barely pulls Chavo away from Animal's outstretched hand - rollup gets 2. Konnan with the standing figure four...tying up both wrists between the legs as well! Animal comes in and hits a big boot off the ropes to break that up. Kidman gets a shoulderblock as well. Chavo back up - kick, kick, kick, Konnan with a kick, Chavo with a kick, right, standing on the neck, and again. Distraction for Kidman, which in turn distracts Tucker as he tries to keep him in his corner - meanwhile, Kidman feeds Konnan to Animal who chokes him on the bottom rope by standing on his neck. Tony reveals that we're in the von Braun Civic Center in Huntsville, AL 19.2.1 and THIS is WCW Monday Nitro on TNT! (I wonder if jdw will find it all the way down here.) Guerrero lining up Konnan for the big chop. Into the ropes, Konnan reverses and hits the tumblin' clothesline, the "my balls are big" pants shake, and the HOT TAG. Forearm, forearm, into the corner, big splash...but Animal is in and putting Kidman down with "power moves." Now all four men are in as Konnan hits a double sledge. Right hand. Kidman with a dropkick. Konnan on all fours - boosting Kidman for a flying forearm. Double clothesline DOES take him out - turning to Chavo - into the ropes, Chavo leapfrogs Kidman but Konnan gives him the facejam - rather, Chavo falls into a facejam and Konnan's all "yeah, that's what I meant to do" after a delay. Kidman motioning for the SSP (ha) but Animal pulls him out before he can try it...so Kidman leaps off onto Animal on the floor...who catches him. Konnan, from the apron, hits a running somersault onto this pile to take Animal down! Chavo on the apron - Konnan ducks the double axe handle and Kidman runs at him with a clothesline! Konnan and Animal continue brawling on the outside and Tucker watches them - back in the ring with Guerrero and Kidman - Guerrero right, right, kick, off the ropes...but Kidman hits the sitout powerbomb! RAYMOND STEREO is out - Nutcracker Suite finds the mark! Kid Krusher! Tucker back in - 1, 2, 3! (+5:51) But Animal is back in...gutshot - HE *POWERBOMED* KIDMAN! HE *POWERBOMBED* HIM! YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN BUT ROAD WARRIOR BY GOD ANIMAL JUST DID! ANIMAL *RULES*!!

NEXT: Buff Bagwell is WALKING!

Greed promo is chock full of guys not currently competing in WCW (by which I mean, "Kevin Nash and Booker T"- and is backed by a track off the WCW Mayhem CD (I think)

Greed is ALSO a game show - "The Terminator has chosen YOU!"

BUFF DADDY BAGWELL (with SuperBrawl Revenge clips) v. CAT (with Mz. Jonez...and SuperBrawl Revenge clips...and NBA Wednesdays & Thursdays on TNT graphic) - Bagwell asks the cameraman to c'mere...then he asks again...then he gets rather unhappy and starts making demands. I bet what he REALLY wants is to direct! Cat's wearing a new vest that says "Somebody call my momma" on the back - ooee. After asking for the music to be cut, Cat tells Bagwell something - and shows us the TV-14-DL ratings box (quick, turn to RAW!). Cat says he thinks the fans still love him. He invites Bagwell in the ring, and says that Bagwell loves his mother just like he loves his momma, so he knows they're both good people...Cat asks him to turn back to the light side of the force and make his mom (and all these people) proud of him. Bagwell says he doesn't mind being around a superstar, but he DOES mind being around a bunch of losers and throws a forearm. Whatever. Right, right, right, right, right. Bagwell lets him get up, then throws another right to the face. Right, into the ropes, hiptoss. Nice dropkick. Bagwell pinwheels - probably a mistake. Cat is up - gutshot, into the ropes, wacky double thrust, another,

Thunder ad

When we come back, Ms. Jones is wheeled into a waiting ambulance. I guess the real question is: did this segment keep you from turning to RAW? Page tells Cat to go with her - he'll take care of Kanyon tonight. Cat says he doesn't need him to fight his battles - he'll take care of Kanyon later. Nonetheless, he climbs into the ambulance, the doors close...then somebody laughs. Oops, she should have waited until ten seconds after the guy said "Clear" just to be safe!

LASH LeROUX v. RICK WOOF WOOF (with SuperBrawl Revenge clips) for (maybe) the United States Heavyweight championship - without a helpful graphic, I have no way of knowing if this is nontitle or not...since WCW doesn't deign to allow me to hear David Penzer's ring announcements. Although I haven't mentioned it, Tony's been repeatedly saying "I hope the new owners of WCW are watching what Ric Flair's been doing" all night - the who of what now? Amusing moment has Steiner whipping LeRoux into the front row of fans...and by "amusing," I mean "as amusing as you can get when served up a big ol' plate o' SQUASH." I think LeRoux got in *one* punch to the stomach in this match.

LAST NIGHT: Clips of the Rhodes/Steiner US title match...and Shattered Dreams (or whatever they'll end up calling it)

See the stars of WCW live in action...while you still can! Saturday, tix go on sale for Mobile - Nitro hits Nawlins next Monday - Johnson City tix are now on sale, as well as Nitro in Greenville!

Yikes! Mr. T for 1-800-COL-LECT? Which sign of the apocalypse is THAT?

Close captioning for the hearing impaired (eh? What's that?) sponsored by Meineke mufflers - because MUFFLERS reduce SOUND and CLOSE CAPTIONS....ummm....

Danny Young checks on Lash LeRoux backstage...he's got something internal happening - wow, this guy acts better than Stephanie McMahon!

Meanwhile, Scott Steiner and Chris Kanyon share a private moment in front of the camera - Steiner tells him to play with Page's mind, hurt his body...then hands him his special knux.

Meanwhile, Hugh Morrus looks out into space and talks to....nobody. He's unhappy that Rick Steiner took out LeRoux...but he has to put that out of his mind, because tonight, he's got Lance Storm. "You thought you'd never have to face General Rection again. Well you were right, but no one ever said *anything* about Hugh Morrus. (giggles)" What do you think? Doing interviews without an interviewer: (a) innovative or (b) insane?

LANCE STORM (with SuperBrawl Revenge clips) v. AD BREAK - "If I can be serious for a minute....I may not be the commissioner anymore...but I'm not letting the Cat have the last laugh. I don't care if it's Hugh Morrus, General Rection, or Bill DeMott! The fact of the matter is, I beat him before, and I'll beat him again, because I'm from Calgary...Alberta, Canada! I was born to wrestle and bred to win. I know you people don't have any class; let's try to show some anyway and rise for the playing of the Canadian National Anthem!" First man to talk over the anthem is Tony - SHAME! Then they decide to take an ad break. Now *that's* an interesting idea!

LANCE STORM v. HUGH MORRUS (with NBA on Wednesdays & Thursdays on TNT) for the time after the Last Time Ever - Commentators say that this is the fourth time they've played the anthem - more likely, they didn't really run it for (2:57) although that'd be a HELL of a way to rile up the crowd - anywho, "Not the Zoo" finally kicks in and here he comes. That's it, baby, KEEP the memory of the First Family alive! The spirit of Lightningfoot Jerry Flynn FLOWS through you! Morrus starts up a "USA" chant but does not say "HOOOOO." Morrus wants a Test of Strength...as soon as he decides which hand he wants to use - no, wait, he's just toying with him, sorry. Okay, here we go - lockup, Storm to the waistlock, standing switch by Morrus, Storm pushes them into the corner and referee "Blind" Mickie J. calls for the break. Back elbow by Storm, right, chop, chop, chop, no

Backstage, we see a pair of boots - and they are WALKING! We pan up slightly to see a shirt with "The American Dweem" on it....hmmm...

Don't forget - next week is the WCW Pardi Gras! 1-800-COL-LECT and America Online paid for their logos to appear here! (No kidding? How much did they pay you?) No, not ME, I meant THEM...THERE. (Do you GET paid?) None of your damn business!

A song suspiciously sounding like the WWF's "American Dream" (but not) starts playing and a Dusty Rhodes entrance video plays on the big screen...but that's not Big Dust, it's JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET dressed up with Santa padding, long trenchcoat, black hat, boots, and - yes - "The American Dweem" T-shirt. Back of the shirt says "If you weee!" "Rhodes" picks up a bucket of chicken and samples it. "Huntsville! Hunnnnnntsveel! Live and in colah - in public if you weeeeeill. The American Dweem is back on twack. And ready, I said ready to get funkeh like ah spunkeh monkeh. But I'm out here to say a few things about mah boy, fruit o' mah loins, ooh oooh. Ya know I'm as proud o' mah boy as he isa me. 'cause look at ol' Stardust here - what's not to be proud of. But there's one thing - listen to me, listen to me when I'm speakin' - there's one thing about mah boy...no one, and I said no one can take him as long as his old man is in his corner - corner, if ya will. But there's one thing that's got me a little bit perturbed. Got me a little bit disturbed. And that's that low down, no good, lyin', sneakin', dirty dog Chosen One himself, Jeff Jarrett. You see, my boy Dustin, fruit of my loins, ohh, if you will, ain't got a chance, ain't got a snowball's chance in heyell against the Chosen One. You see, plain and simple, plain and simple, my boy Dustin, fruit o' my loins ohh if you will, is just outnumbered, outclassed, plain and simple down and dirty, outdone by the Chosen One himself. Oh if you will listen to me when I'm speakin', listen to me when I'm speakin'. MM mm mm mm mm mm mm...mm mm mm the Chosen One, 'merican Dween would just love to, like always, like old times...if my boy Dustin (fruit o' mah loins) gets in trouble, he would love to come to his rescue. Love to come to his rescue and put a clubberin' on the Chosen One. And speakin' o' clubberin', boys, come on down because the American Dweem is gonna put on a little exhibition this evenin'. That's right, could you boys come on in here - 'cause I'm gonna stomp a mudhole - whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa - stomp a mudhole in your booty and walk it dry. A little exhibition. Are you ready over there youngster?" We got FOUR EXTRAS (security/pallbearer/yeah) clad in tights and matching T-shirts who hit the ring black ninja style so "Dusty" can double club them one at a time, Bionic Elbows all around, double noggin knocker times two, four-way slap, flip flop and groin - you know, this is actually a pretty good Rhodes impersonation. Between this and Sting, Jarrett may have found his calling. After dropping the elbow, Rhodes has trouble getting up - doing a turtle on his back impersonation.

NEXT: Diamond Dallas Page is WALKING!

As we hear laughter coming from somewhere (I told you, wait for "clear" and then wait another ten seconds just to be safe!"), we get one more graphic reminding us that a cruiserweight tag team tournament starts next week

By the way, the Road to Spring Break Out starts with WCW Pardi Gras - NEXT week! Brought to you by AOL and 1-800-COL-LECT

Tony and Scott take a moment to remember #3 as the camera finds some signs for the Intimidator. That was nice of them.

(chris) KANYON (with a copy of "Positively Kanyon" and SuperBrawl Revenge clips) v. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE HAS CRAPPY MUSIC - "Who's better than Kanyon? Everybody, nah. I beat DDP last night, and I'm gonna beat him again TONIGHT!" Page walks out through the crowd 'cause he's a suckup. The answer to your question - why did they hotshot this feud last night and now tonight - is Page is already bumped up to the match for the World Heavyweight championship, so suddenly we have to get THIS one out of the way. Make your own complaints about prior planning (and lack thereof) here. Kanyon tries to run but Page catches him - knee in the gut, big right hand that takes the wig off, choke, Page rips off his shirt and chokes him with it...then horsecollars him to the outside. Hey, Page with a PESCADO! And landing on his feet! Kanyon whipped into the safety rail - another whip is reversed and Page hits hard - forearm by Kanyon puts him over the rail into the crowd - Kanyon follows. Whip into a wall is reversed and *Kanyon* hits. Page working over Kanyon all the way back to ringside and over the rail. Back in the ring - but Kanyon drops an elbow to his back. Side headlock - Page powers out. Kanyon catches the boot, spins him around - knee in the gut by Page, into the ropes, tilt-a-whirl sidewalk slam gets Page 2. Going for the Diamond Cutter but Kanyon drops out of the attempt. Into the corner, head into the gut by Page. Climbing up for the Ten Punch Count Along - but after one, Kanyon drops Page down with Snake Eyes. Knee in the gut by Kanyon. Face to the canvas. 1, 2, Page kicks out. Kanyon kicks a field goal - another kick to the ribs. One more kick to the side. Right by Page, right, right, to his feet, into the ropes, but Kanyon hits a side Russian leg sweep and floats over for 2. Into the ropes is reversed by Page, Kanyon gets the boot up - top rope Rocker Dropper (!) but Page kicks out at 2. Kanyon to the headlock. "DDP" chant fires up - and Page starts to come back - elbowing out, elbow, but Kanyon drives him down to the mat and covers...for 2. Back to the headlock for Kanyon - did Page call a spot? Arm falls once, arm falls twice, arm...doesn't fall thrice. Page back to his feet, elbow, elbow, into the ropes, and it's PAGE with the sleeper...into a sleeper slam. Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson starts the ten count - up to 6 with nobody moving...Page covers at 8 - 1, 2, Kanyon gets an arm up! Page with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, left, right, left, right left right left right left, pose for the crowd, discus lariat puts Kanyon down. Kanyon going for the book? Page hits Nine Heads to the Turnbuckle Count Along - punctuates Ten, then hits a death suplex. Diamond Cutter coming up...but Kanyon has it scouted and drops down with the uppernut. KANYON CUTTER! 1, 2, Page kicks out!! Kanyon goes outside and grabs a chair. Robinson takes if from him...but while Robinson removes it, Kanyon grabs his book and waffles him with it. Cover - 1, 2, NO! Why yes, there WAS a brick in the book (thanks Mr. Cameraman). Kanyon puts the brass knux on - but Page gets a knee in the gut before he can throw a punch...side headlock, into a Diamond Cutter! Page covers - 1, 2, 3! (7:13) A clean pin in the main event? Is this really NITRO? Page's crappy music is quickly cut off by the sirens of WHITE THUNDER - he's got the lead pipe in his hand...but before the MAGNIFICENT HOWEVER MANY hit the ring (Midajah get the night off?), Page is out through the crowd. Where'd he get that mic? "Hey Steiner! I'm still standin'! BANG!" Credits are up - quick, fade out before his music starts again!

Woo hoo! "Point of No Return" is next! I LOVE Expose! (I think you're thinking of something else.) Oh? DAMN!

Five weeks left...and counting. The way things are going, it sure looks like it's gonna end like "Empire Strikes Back," with all the heels triumphant and the faces reduced to looking out a window, hoping for another movie so they can mount their comback...thing is, "Empire Strikes Back" was probably the best movie, so there are WORSE ways to go...