I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYONE ASK, SO I'LL ASK: How long will they continue to syndicate Worldwide? And what'll it be like?

TIMING IS EVERYTHING: Check your most recent Sunday paper's Kmart insert for the "Win a Walk to the Ring with Goldberg!" contest...ask yourself how far in advance they would have had to have printed these things up...then try to visit their contest's web page at www.bluelight.com/goldberg and see what you get. Then think to yourself "Aha! So THAT'S why we've only heard about the meal with Kurt Angle!"

Just like last year, if it weren't for the previously signed deals to put together "WCW Spring Break Out," it would've all been dark earlier...only THIS year, unlike last year, they ain't coming back after the dark period with new bookers, new hype, and new hope. On the plus side, also unlike last year, we won't be subjected to the same old crappy product after the dark period. Either we'll get something legitimately, completely brand new...or it won't come back at all.

Either way, I've been completely vindicated. Those of you who have felt compelled to write me over the past year *swearing* that I was WRONG about WCW and if only I'd actually *watched* it and given it a chance, I'd see how wrong I was - well, you can try to convince me for two more weeks if you're that deluded, but after that I want think I deserve some friggin' props already.

That's RIGHT - it's all about ME - ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME

Okay, let's blow this off 'cause it'll all be done next week

ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME

Last Night at Greed, Scott Steiner retained the gold - buy the encore Tuesday if you like, but skip the middle five matches if you want to stay awake

As MESH HEAD MUSH MOUTH, MIDAJAH, THE CEO & JOHNNY ACE'S BROTHER hit the ring, we are told that there'll be a LIVE phone call from Eric Bischoff later in the program. Tony speculates that it's about the new ownership - oh, Tony. "Tonight, I thought I'd come out here and be a nice guy...and let all you white trash mourn the loss of your fallen hero - mourn the loss of the biggest white trash of them all. And last night at Greed, Diamond Dallas White Trash found out it was time to put up or shut up. He found out he was NOT the last man standing - I was just savin' him for last. And now he's on the outside lookin' in, just like Sting, just like Kevin Nash, just like Sid Vicious, and just like Goldberg. You see, my path of destruction continues, and I'm goin' down as the greatest world champion of all time...because never before has a world champion not only beat people, but beat 'em up and took 'em outta the game. So I want all you white trash to get on your hands and knees and pay homage to the world champion, but more importantly, pay homage to the genetic freak." "I don't think for one moment there was any doubt in anyone's mind that Big Poppa Pump would now kill, destroy DDP, we knew it, it was a given - he's Big Poppa - he's the world champion, and boy, he'd eat a guy like you up in about thirty seconds, pal. But I do think there was some doubt in some people's minds as to whether or not the Chosen One Jeff Jarrett and the Nature Boy would beat Dusty Rhodes and his son Dustin. For those of you that didn't see it, we beat them from one end of Jacksonville to the other. We wore 'em out! We outwrestled 'em - we outsmarted 'em - we beat 'em at their game - you know why? Because we're just simply the best thing goin' today. Now, because of a little generosity in my heart, I did not make Dusty Rhodes, and I should've, come up here to Gainesville and kiss my Gator ass tonight." The music hits and the Rhodeses appear on the screen. "Hey Naitch! Hey! Hahahahah - I think - hey I think you got it all wrong, 'cause at the pay-per-view last night it was Jeff Jarrett kissin' my big white ass, and further than that, before you leave this building tonight you WILL be kissin' my white ass right here in Gator country, if you will, make no mistake about it! And I'll tellya something else: Jeff Jarrett was your donkey last night. He had that long face, you know what I'm talkin' 'bout, and he had that look of fear in his eyes, and he looked like a big giant hoss when I backed up and he puckered them lips up and kissed those brownie one eyes. I tell you it's gonna be good tonight" Dustin makes "comical" PU pantomimes and waves the air. Steiner: "Hey why don't you come out here right now and see who kisses whose ass? Just who do you think you are?" "Ho ho wait a minute - hey wait a minute champ - you know who I am, and what you're wearin' around your waist, I've had it on three times, I got ALL the respect in the world for the world's heavyweight champion, you not in this feud, it is not between me and you, there's young lions like this man standing with me that wants you but somebody wants you WORSE than that - somebody wants you now, somebody wants you bad, and it's this man, right here, right now." The music hits and NAPPY T. walks out with the US title on his shoulder - he's the #1 contender, you know. "Whoa whoa whoa - Booker T I know you dont want me because it's obvious I beat your ass so bad you forgot where the barbershop was!" "First thing, Scott, would you please shut the hell up. You know, you come out here, you talk about the body count, from Kevin Nash to Sting, now DDP, well let me tell you something, I been back for three weeks and you ain't said a DAMN thing about Booker T. I came back here for one reason and one reason only, and you know what it is - that is the World Heavyweight title. And as far as you, Ric Flair, you come out here talking about you're the man, you know, you the boss, you the commissioner, this and that, I say to you save the drama fer yo momma. As far as the man goes, I talked to the man today, and he told me to give you a little message." "No, no, HE'S the man." "Like I said, would you PLEASE shut the hell up. That message is, one hour from now, be in the middle of that ring and Scott, make sure you bring that gold belt, because there's a lot gonna be said about it, and when it's all over with, I say this: boo-ya! And I'm gonna get witcha." And with that, we head to our first ad break

It's time to party! WCW Spring Break-Out 2001 hits their final stop next Monday in Panama City Beach and they won't tell you it's the last Nitro ever, but *I* will! Tune in then!

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Geico, Geico (again), America (ha!) Online, Lean Pockets from Hot Pockets, and Aqua Velva Ice Sport

"Exclusive Footage from Greed" aka "We ran long for the third month in a row" shows Diamond Dallas Page wheeled off on a gurney into an ambulance

Backstage, Animal and Buff chew out the cameraman for not catching the guy that took him out last night at Greed - then, after eventually coming around to

JASON JETT (with Let Us Take You Back to Greed) v. DISQO (with Mike Sanders) - "When I put this finger up in the air, I want complete silence! I would like to introduce everybody to my new best friend in the whole world..." "Former Commissioner Sanders." "Let's give it up for him, come on! Hey Alex Wright, I hope you're watching at home because this is the bum that pinned you last week. Now you need to watch me do what you couldn't do. And by the way, good luck in your singles career, you big bald loser." Is Jason related to Jimmy Jett? Lockup, side headlock by Jett, superfluous spinning around, drop toehold. Lockup, side headlock by DISQO, snapmare, Jett somersaults back up, caught the foot, backflip, leapfrog, hiptoss into a falcon arrow for 2. Eric Bischoff later tonight! Into the ropes is reversed, gutshot, tries a flippy flippy but Jeff drops him with a Rangoon bomb for 2. Right, into the ropes is reversed, up and over but Sanders grabs the ankle. Clothesline from behind and Jett goes out - Sanders begs off as referee "blind" Scott James catches him - but Sanders sneaks in a kick as DISQO pulls James his way to discuss the stock market. Thrown back in, DISQO with the swinging neckbreaker. Boogie taunt! Another neckbreaker - remember when that was his finisher? Going for a third, but Jett slips it, rams him into the buckle, drops down, hooks the shoulders with his legs and rolls him backwards into a bridge for 2. DISQO to the gut, off the ropes with a facebuster - electric slide? Who can say. Wasted too much time - cover gets 2. Toehold into a legbreaker - once again - stomps on the knee, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Quick, turn down that "sucks" chant! Draped on the second rope, knee in the back, Sanders with a choke as well. Side Russian legsweep, blatant chokehold...and another. Sanders in as James warns DISQO - crazy dancin' kneedrop *misses* and Jett puts Sanders with a clothesline. DISQO from behind, Jett ducks the clothesline, handstand to the ropes, springs off with a handspring elbow, nips up, (he calls that the Afterburner), scoop slam, standing moonsault, 1, 2, no. Off the ropes...DISQO dumps him on the apron - at least I think he was supposed to...he crotched him instead. DISQO with a gutshot and DDT - 1, 2, Jett is up! Arm wringer, gutshot, but Jett reverses into the Northern Lights suplex - 1, 2, Sanders in but he drops the elbow on his partner - Jett dropkicks him out, ducks a clothesline from DISQO, gutshot, Crash Landing toss, 1, 2, 3. (4:58) Tony finally tells us that this is the O'Connell Center in Gainseville, FL 19.3.1 (happy birthday, Aaron!) shown via tape delay on TNT.

TONIGHT... Eric Bischoff has a major announcement! Yikes, a video package of Bischoff accompanies the graphic...

The WCW Road to Spring Break-Out 2001 is brought to you by 1-800-COL-LECT and America (ha!) Online

The cameraman, looking for Lex Luger, approaches a door "Yeah, this looks like Rick Steiner's room" - umm, he's looking for...oh, I'm confused. Anyway, it's Flair and Jarrett behind the door - who knows. "I don't need to be seeing this..." A CAMERAMAN WHO SPEAKS FOR ME!!!

"SUGAR" SHANE HELMS (with - ugh - Sugar Babies...and Let Us Take You Back to Greed v. (billy) KIDMAN for the world cruiserweight championship - "You know, I promised myself, my fans, and my - and my friends that I would win the world cruiserweight title, and here she is...but I couldn't be honest in saying that this didn't happen without a blemish. I earned this match by my victory at SuperBrawl in a match that I wasn't even supposed to be in. I took the place of Billy Kidman. Be that as it may, Billy Kidman, you beat me once and I beat you once - the stakes are higher this time - we gotta do it, I gotta prove it to myself: let's get it on." "Witchblade" is coming this summer, by the way. Lockup, no, Helms goes behind, standing switch, hiptoss by Helms, back up, side headlock, powers out, shoulderblock. Back and forth we go, up and over, on his feet to conuter the tilt-a-whirl, off the ropes, Kidman with a rana. Helms goes outside.

COMING UP... Eric Bischoff's Major Announcement!

NEXT WEEK... Huge Season Finale!

Spin, spin, spin...

Here's a look at the University of Florida

Here's a Special Video Look at Riki Rachtman, Big Shy (I think that's what he said), and lots of college kids shouting out advertising slogans. Brought to you by them and them

Backstage, the camerman, still looking for Rick Steiner (?), opens another door and finds that Lex Luger has been laid out. Confused?

Meanwhile, Bam Bam Bigelow talks to....somebody. Tonight he gets a rematch against Shawn Stasiak, and the woman won't be helping him *this* time. Geez, I didn't want to watch it LAST night.

Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE & SCOTT HUDSON. Stay tuned for an exciting...*phone call!!*

Luger tells Animal and Bagwell that, unfortunately, he didn't see a thing. Animal, Midajah, Bagwell and Luger have been laid out - Jarrett and Flair are busy - who does that leave? Bagwell asks where Rick Steiner is. I'M asking where *Scott* Steiner is...or am I reading ahead?

COMING UP...Eric Bischoff Major Announement

NEXT WEEK...Huge Season Finale

STACY is out.

NO MATTER HOW YOU SLICE IT, IT'S STILL MEAT v. TRIPPA B (with Let Us Take You Back to Greed) in a return bout - "What an ovation for Bam Bam Bigelow!" Patti Pizzazz tries to toss the hairspray to Lana Star, but Randi Rah Rah outsmarts him, then drops him with the *worst* version of Greetings from Asbury Park in recorded history for the 1, 2, 3 (1:44) Post-match, Bigelow says he went from being a big fat zero to a big hero. Stasiak demands a rematch - he'll do anything for it. Bigelow says the only stipulation he'll accept - I think he slipped in a "bitch" when the censors were dozing - is a tattooin' if he wins. Stasiak says Stacy will do anything for him and accepts the match. Oh no, says Bigelow...the tattoo is for *Stasiak* if he wins. And it'll be next week! On the "SEASON FINALE!"

TONIGHT... Eric Bischoff has a major announcement

Promotional consideration paid for by "Remember the Titans" on Video & DVD, Lean Pockets (2), 1-800-BAR-NONE, America (2) Online, and Aqua Velva Ice Sport (2)

As the TV-14-DL ratings box hits, MESH HEAD MUSH MOUTH, MIDAJAH and THE CEO head to the ring; inside, a table and three chairs have been set up. "Witchblade: An all new original series - coming this summer" TERRY TAYLOR is in the ring. Steiner takes the chairs and tosses them over the top rope to the floor, then grabs Taylor by the shirt. By the way, personal to E.C. Ostermeyer: That's NOT Taylor in the "Worldwide" opening. It's not, it's not, it's not. NAPPY T. is out. "Yo, Steiner! Flair! I told you I talked to the man, and that man *is* Eric Bischoff, so shut up and listen!" A "live via phone: Eric Bischoff" graphic appears on the screen - and on ours. "Thank you, Booker. For those of you in the arena and all of you watching around the country this evening, I very much would, chose to be there tonight in person if I could be but given everything that's going on tonight, that's just not possible. Many of you may know that for the past six months I've been working with a group of people whose goal was (and is) to acquire World Championship Wrestling, and to grow and once again to become a competitive, dominant wrestling organisation worldwide. But recently we've hit a couple roadblocks that may be, in fact, brick walls, and while it is still in my power, I want to do something befitting of what could be, very well, the last night of wrestling on the Turner networks. Given the fact that wrestling has been such an important part of Turner's history over the past 29 years, I've been thinking over the weekend of what I could do to provide as exciting of a program that this, as this historic event should be. To that end, I wanna make an announcement now that next Monday night in Panama City is indeed going to be a night of champions; by that I mean every championship will be up for grabs, starting with the world cruiserweight championship, the cruiserweight tag team championships, the world tag team championships, the

"All five titles on the line?" What happened to the hardcore title? What happened to the television title? What happened to the Women's cruiserweight title?

So if any former world heavyweight champions are invited, does that mean Chris Benoit is invited?

Close captioning sponsored by the George Foreman Grill of Brake Service and Discount Mufflers: MEINEKE

"Spring Break-Out" ad

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago

The cameraman follows Bagwell to Flair's office, where he tells Flair and Jarrett that he, Animal and Luger suspect Rick Steiner and they're going after him. Flair seems more worried about kissing Dusty's ass to pay attention to what Bagwell is saying.

KANYON (with manual Gangrelevator and ripoff of Bush's "Comedown" and Let Us Take You Back to Last Week...and Greed) v. M. I. SMOOTH - Smooth is wearing his "Sexual Chocklit" tights. Remember last week when this was the semi-main? I don't think I'll bother with it *this* week, either.

TONIGHT... PUCKER UP RIC - yikes!

So if any former world heavyweight champions are invited, does that mean Big Van Vader is invited?

Another look at Road to Spring Break-Out - can we *ever* break out? "What? You'll put me on TV if I say 'the easy way to save?' WOW!!"

Next week: Panama City Beach! WCW.com has the details on how you can get your free tix to a night of history!

Backstage, Dustin delivers another thirty-three burritos to Daddy. They bleeped "ass" on the pay-per-view but not now. Dusty says "stinkface." That reminds me, isn't some other show on?

RICK WOOF WOOF (with Let Us Take You Back to Greed) v. KONNAN - Come on, WCW - you aren't even TRYING. Tony: "A fitting end...and a great beginning for our promotion." Now here's a guy who needs a reality check STAT. Word on the street is that "Witchblade," an original series, is coming soon to TNT. I don't know what Steiner's saying, but he's sure getting muted a lot. At one point in this match, Steiner actually holds an armbar for *three straight hours*. Apparently all this stalling is to allow FRANCHISE to come out through the crowd and give Steiner a cast shot (relaxed DQ 5:06). After Steiner turns it back around on Konnan,

So if any former world heavyweight champions are invited, does that mean Faarooq is invited?

I should probably tell you that WCW Spring Break-Out is sponsored by AOL and 1-800-COL-LECT.

The cameraman follows Totally Buffed and Animal to Rick Steiner's dressing room, where they ask him what's been going on? Steiner gets miffed and leaves.

Meanwhile, Storm & Awesome, being Canadian, talk to to the *left* of the cameraman as opposed to the *right.* Hmm, symblic!

TONIGHT... Pucker Up Ric

So if any former world heavyweight champions are invited, does that mean the Big Show is invited?

The cameraman wanders back over to Flair and Jarrett - Flair is *still* worried about kissing Dusty Rhodes' ass. Jarrett tells him he's the CEO - act like the boss tonight. Flair catches sight of the cameraman and shoos him away.

LANCE STORM & "CANADIAN KILLER" MIKE AWESOME (with Let Us Take You Back to Greed) v. SEAN O'HAIRE & CHUCK PALUMBO (with Let Us Take You Back to Greed) in a nontitle bout - "If I can be serious for a minute...tonight, we start our road to the world tag team titles. And believe me when I tellya, it's not gonna be a very long road. All rise for the--" but the music interrupts. Storm knows whereof he speaks, non? Storm and Palumbo start as referee "Blind" Nick Patrick goes to display the belts, then remembers this is a nontitle bout and quickly puts them down. Feeling out process. Palumbo stokes a "USA" chant - well, why not. Will they lock up? Yup, go behind by Storm, standing switch, side headlock by Palumbo, Storm tries to power out and fails. 1-850-230-4665 or wcw.com for Boardwalk Beach Resort tix! Storm manages to counter into a side headlock of his own. Palumbo trying to move into a wristlock - Storm leaps OVER Palumbo to break that - but runs smack into a right. Right by Palumbo, into the ropes, Storm slides under, back elbow, whip into the ropes is reversed, leapfrog by Palumbo, big dropkick and Storm goes out - O'Haire puts him back in the ring, where Palumbo is waiting. Tag to O'Haire. Tag to Awesome. It looks to me like they're trying just a LITTLE too hard to get excited about Palumbo & O'Haire. Awesome plays the stalling game. Finally, they lock up - side headock by Awesome, powered out, O'Haire with a leapfrog, gutshot and kneelift. Right hand in the corner, body blow, left, into the opposite corner, but Awesome gets the boot up. O'Haire ducks the clothesline and hits a spin kick. Leg is hooked, Storm saves at 2. O'Haire turns his way - Awesome muscles him out of the ring - Storm throws him headfirst into the steps. O'Haire takes a stomp and three rights coming back in - head to the buckle, tag to Storm - both men put him into the ropes - double forearm puts him down. Storm stomps, stomp, right, right, right, right, back elbow by O'Haire, right, right, Awesome in with a cheap shot to turn it around, Storm with a suplex. Tag, snapmare, slingshot press gets 2. Right by Awesome, right, right, O'Haire right, Awesome, O'Haire right, right, right, Awesome goes to the uppernut.

NEXT... "Pay up time"

Am I to understand that the main event will be THIS?!? I wonder what Tony would have said about this if it had been on RAW...

So if any former world heavyweight champions are invited, does that mean David Arquette is invited?

WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily!

JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET comes to the ring as we travel back to Greed for clips - including the stinkface. Tony: "...our most exciting Monday Nitro of the year, no doubt - maybe one of the biggest ever." Some things will never change. Here comes THE CEO. "I wanna make somethin' very clear - I've come out here tonight because I'm Ric Flair, a man of my word, and I'm gonna make the right decision on behalf of my position with this company, and that's CEO. So, Dirty Dusty Rhodes, wherever you are, bring your big white ass out here now." But it's only DUSTIN RHODES coming out. "Listen! I am talkin' to your old man - you get out of the way, get your old man out here. I'm talking to your old man, Dirty Dusty Rhodes, not you, punk! - move on!" "If you think that I would miss this for the world, you've got another thing coming. Now, you know all those shirts circulatin' around the world that say 'Who's your Daddy?' Well let me introduce to you *my* daddy." "He's the Ameeeeeeeerican Dreeeeeeam." And here comes DUSTY RHODES...with a....with an animal. Oh, I see - it's got "DUSTY'S ASS" painted on it's hindquarters. Flair goes nuts. "I told the world you was gonna kiss my big white ass! And last night I hung my dirty laundry out for Jeff Jarrett to smell it a little bit. You see what it says right here - this is ol' Silver Dollah. This is my ass, if you will - you gonna get down here right now and kiss on this." "NOOO!" "Hey hey hey - one other thing - one other thing! Ol' Silver Dollah had about three HUNDRED burritos, so the smell gon' be good, baby! Come on down, let's go! Make a decision!" "I am - I'm gonna make the right decision based on who I am, and based on my position in the company, and you're right. I can't belive you. Jeff, you told me - I can't go over there and kiss that ass - you do it! Yes!" "Yeah, you do it! You do it, Flair!" "Waiiiit just a damn minute, slapass! YOU'RE the boss, and YOU'RE kissin' Dusty's white ass - I ain't doin' it, I ain't doin' your dirty work." "You told me out of your own mouth to make the right decision - on behalf of me and the whole company I'm tellin' you to kiss that big white ass." Jarrett shoves Flair - I smell a swerve comin' on - but only because Dustin is on the apron. Flair removes his jacket. "Are you sure you wanna argue with the CEO?" Flair shoves Jarrett to the ropes...where he grabs Dustin in a hot shot - then they both get to stompin'. Here comes Dusty...oh boy. Slap for Flair, slap, elbow for Jarrett, elbow for Dusty, double punches, flip, flop, fly - Jarrett manages an uppernut as Dusty turns to Flair. Stomp by Jarrett, stomp, outside the ring, both men take him to the rail - Flair with chops, rights, they drag him to the animal...but Dustin makes the save. Sure enough, both men get run into the backside of the animal...and how fitting that that'll be the last thing we see this week. How WILL they top it next week?

AFTER THE FACT: Email from "Sexy Boy" Tenace: Hey CRZ:

I, Gainesville native, attended the Nitro/Thunder tapings tonight. Thought you might be interested in a little of the inside scoop.

First off, I arrived at the arena at 730 with three friends and simply asked some lady outside if we could get in. She gave us tickets and we headed for our seats. That's when I found out that taping started at 630, so rather than be a half-hour early I was an hour late. So much for live TV.

Anyway, we walked in during the Kidman match and I did my damndest to start a "Kidman" chant but nothing doing. There were 4K people TOPS in the arena at this point, and I think I might be being generous. We got seats on the first tier directly overlooking the ring, and it was pretty cool.

I had signs: LAST NITRO EVER, LAST THUNDER EVER, THIS SUCKS, and GOT MENG? I don't think any of them got on camera. At least a quarter of the fans had left by the "main event" which showcased the Rhodes besmirching Flair/Jarrett. BTW, Dusty Rhodes got a MONSTER pop that dwarfed anything else in either show. Other fan favorites were Booker T and Rey Mysterio (!). There was one dark match between two guys in red tights and 'Disorderly Conduct' which ended favorably for the latter. Nothing special at all. Thunder was pretty strong first hour (Jung Dragons over Air Raid, Jet Jackson or whatever over Kid Kash (!), and Kidman/Mysterio/Helms over Skipper/Romeo/Chavo) but sucked balls second (I don't even remember them all). All I know is that the main event for the possible LAST THUNDER EVER was Steiner/Jarrett against Dustin Rhodes. Pathetic. I started an ECW chant during the Kid Kash match (he was called Kash) but there were only like 8 of us so I don't know if it'll be audible.

By the time Thunder got underway, there were no more than 2-2.5K in the arena still. It was kind of sad, actually. I didn't realize that when you watched it live you didn't get to see any of the backstage Thunder skits. Anyway, I've certainly babbled a bit here and hope any of this is useful to you. Take care and keep up the brilliant recaps!

...not with a bang...