It's WCW Monday Nitro! coming from the Scope in Norfolk, VA live (on tape - every time Tony says it's live, he's lying) 27.4.98. Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Larry Zbyzsko.

Hey look! It's the Nitro Girls! And they have JUMP ROPES! Holy cow! It's ALEX WRIGHT! Ruining the Nitro Girls! Doug Dellinger and company escort Mr. Wright away.

The commentators mention that Sting's made a challenge to the Outsiders - a tag team title bout vs. himself and the Giant. Also, Savage challenged the Hitman. Neither challenge has been answered...until now?

The NWO theme plays, and who should come out but Kevin Nash and Randy Savage. Plenty of time during this long walk to the ring for the commentators to go ON and ON about Bret Hart - later, Mean Gene will try to talk to Hart. OK, Nash: "Hey yo! It's survey time here in Norfolk! Real quick. How many of you people came to see dubbayaceedubbya?" Well, you know the routine - it's a dead-on Hall impersonation, word for word, but it seems cooler when Nash does it. Nash makes the mistake of saying "Sting" and the crowd interrupts him with cheers. "A lot of people have been wondering where Scott's been lately" and then he proceeds to not tell us. Kevin DOES answer the challenge, though, and says "You want the belts? Come 'n' get 'em!" Moving on, Nash says "the wolfpac is expanding. Standing to my right, the newest member of the Wolfpac, the Macho Man Randy Savage! Now before I turn the mic over to my partner, I've got one more thing I've gotta address. Bret Hart, you hit Big Sexy with the belt?" If there's anything left of Hart after Savage is through with him, Nash wants it. Savage gets the mic and gives Bret Hart what for, he's in a lot of trouble, yeah, Hollywood isn't here, but that's the bomb, brother, ooh yeah. Nash promises a surprise for Hogan - the first of many defectors - K-Dawg! Which shouldn't be a surprise if we've been paying attention...but it's nice to know for sure. Konnan gets the mic and says that Spanish stuff he likes to say, and some other stuff, and says that Hogan "don't want none of this."

Let us take you back to last week, when Bret Hart "shocked the entire wrestling world." Well, actually, that's true. I was shocked, and I guess I'm part of the entire wrestling world too. Hart waffles Nash, places Hogan on top of Savage, and we have a new champion.

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (snap into it!), Moen sinks, NEW Hot Pockets, America Online, and the Tootsie Candy Quiz (I passed!)

Let's take a special look at Juventud Guerrera - Guerrera explains that he is an Azteca Warrior and that's why he never surrenders. Chris Jericho can take his mask but he'll never take his pride, and he'll never quit.

CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO sets up the Dean Malenko shrine and makes fun of Quasi Juice, then for an encore gives us an interview with the portrait of Malenko. Malenko is apparently the new fry cook at Harry's Burgers. This whole bit was hilarious. Just for grins, let's have a match!

CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO v. CHAVO GUERRERO, JR. (with Eddie Guerrero) - Chavo is right on Jericho - hey, maybe he's listening to Eddie! Big drop kick, back body drop, back suplex for 2. Chinlock, Jericho slips out and catches Chavo for a stun fun. Jericho with a kick to the head, picks him up and takes him to the corner. Chop (woo!) and lots of kicks. Chris humiliates Chavo while Eddie humiliates Chavo. Chris is whipped into the corner where Eddie is standing - he pulls up short, but Chavo dropkicks Chris into Eddie - inside cradle for 2.9! Chavo with a springboard bulldog, hooks the leg for 2. Whip, reverse, Chavo tries the head scissors, but Jericho grabs him and puts on the Liontamer for the submission. (1:52) Now Eddie is in, ready to smack Jericho for hitting him earlier in the match. But Jericho successfully convinces Eddie that it's all Chavo's fault. Eddie gives Chavo the bad mouth and Chris, standing behind, helps out. The replay comes to you thanks to 1-800-COLLECT.

Let us take you back to SuperBrawl where Juventud removes his mask. Of course, they fail to show where Juventud SURRENDERS.

Let us take you back to THUNDER! - where we see that GRUESOME injury Buff Bagwell suffers on a bulldog gone wrong. We'll get an injury update right after...

Lee Marshall gives us the Starburst Fruit Chews Pin on a Map Road Report. WCW comes to Indiana!

The WCW Power Plant! As featured in that A&E special!

This week's Nitro Party. Huh.

We learn that Buff Bagwell had surgery Monday. They show that replay again - no, I don't WANT to see it any more. Tony says we'll get an update tomorrow. Tony and Bobby discuss their surgeries - upshot is, we all want Buff to get better. And dammit, so do I! Get better, Buff!

Another excerpt from Savage's Hart-thrashing from THUNDER!

TV-14! We learn that tomorrow, from 6 to 8, we get more Nitro. That's 3 to 5 for me. Unfortunately, since I'm WORKING then, you won't get a report until Wednesday.

Do I smell Voodoo Chili? Out come You Know Who, Eric Bischoff, and the Booty Disciple. Tony tries to bash the WWF, "we've been sold out for months and thirty miles up the road they can't GIVE tickets away!" Having seen RAW and their pre-emptive strike, I have to wonder what exactly Tony's smoking. Hogan talks loud and says nothing (tm James Brown). Nash is a joke, Savage is a joke. Hollywood is where the power lies. Hogan compares K-Dawg to an orange picker, or something. Hogan says "Why Bret Why" and answers his own question - Hart knows where the power lies. Hogan says "4 life" and "too sweet" within five seconds of each other - sounds like his voice is going. OK, the implication is that Hart is with Hogan - we all can guess that that's not exactly the case.

Let us take you back to last week, where Hart decks Piper because Piper couldn't remember his line.

Get wired on www.wcwwrestling.com! Hey, there's Stevie Ray!

This portion of WCW Nitro was brought to you by Burger King! I wonder if it's too late for them to get their money back.

Promotional consideration paid for by David sunflower seeds, the Super Soaker CPS 2500 & 3000, Simonize car care, and RING POPS! Awesome!

SCOTT NORTON v. (bill "76-0") GOLDBERG for the United States Heavyweight Championship - Staredown, jawing. Norton takes command early, kick, kick, shoulderblock for 1 (!) Goldberg is up. Punch, swinging neckbreaker for 1. Norton throw Goldberg out and folows. They are toe to toe on the outside. Back and forth. Punch, punch, punch, who's punching? It doesn't matter. Norton takes Goldberg to the ring post and throws him back in. Goldberg takes Norton down and puts on the anklelock. Norton grabs the rope. Repeated knees to the gut by Goldberg. Goldberg tries the whip - Norton ain't moving. Norton with big elbows. Whip, reverse, spear in the corner, but Norton catches him and brings him up - and DOWN for the shoulderbreaker! 1, 2, NO!!! Goldberg kicked out of his finisher! Norton puts on the Code Red but Goldberg hangs tough and stands up. Norton again slaps on the armbar and Goldberg goes down. Norton picks Goldberg up for another armbar, but Goldberg powered out, down. Spear, jackhammer (wow!) 1, 2, 3. (2:47)

Excerpt from Savage's THUNDER! interview running down Bret Hart.

This portion of Nitro is brought to you by "Black Dog." Any movie with Randy Travis AND Meat Loaf can't be ALL bad.

Let us take you back to Nitro last week, and there's Bret Hart - I guess he found his smile!

Commentators talk about Bret Hart. Bobby says that Hart isn't out for the NWO or for WCW, but for Bret Hart. Mike says the time for analysis is over - we need to hear it from Hart's lips.

Mean Gene Okerlund calls out BRET HART who is all smirk walking to the ring. Gene: "Why Bret Why?" Bret: "First of all, I just want to say it's nice to be in the house that Hollywood Hogan built - you know, first things first, you know we're all supposed to suffer for our crimes - well maybe if we're not suffering it wasn't a crime in the first place - the one thing I've found out is that there's no room for guilt, or innocence, in the world of wrestling. And I've found out in professional wrestling, that it's just a long cruel money trench, a plastic hallway filled with pimps and thieves, and a place where good men die like dogs. And if Randy Savage is feeling a little bad about things - Randy Savage, who's crying now? You know Randy Savage, for years, you've talked about me, but you've never once had the guts to step in the ring with me, and now all of a sudden you climb out from underneath your rock and you want to challenge me to a match at Slamboree? You're half troll and half lizard, but you don't got what it takes to beat me - you never did, and you never will! ... Why Bret Why. You know, I hear that all the time - that's all I ever hear - I've heard it for the past week, and I've heard it for the past five months, but the fact of the matter is, it's something that I want to say to Hollywood Hogan, the world heavyweight champion, I wanna look him in the eye, and because he's not here right now, we'll have to make it tomorrow night and tomorrow night you get Hollywood Hogan, you bring him to the ring, you come if you want to, and I want to tell Hollywood Hogan, I wanna tell the rest of the world exactly why I did what I did, and I'm not gonna say another word about it until you get Hollywood Hogan face to face with me where I can explain it in perfect, crystal detail." Mean Gene brings up that "screwed" thing again. "Who are you? Who are you to judge me? ... There's no rhyme or reason, there's nothing that makes any sense any more, ...I am sick and tired of sitting on the back bench, it's time for the Hitman to arrive, and I've finally made my presence clear!" Anyway, we'll get a REAL answer tomorrow, probably. At least confirmed what I was thinking last week. "There's no rhyme or reason, there's nothing that makes any sense..."

Damn, was that the whole hour? Even the WWF can put more than 4:39 of wrestling in an hour - even if they're incapable of booking a finish...

Tuesday Nitro: 6-8 Eastern, 3-5 Pacific!