As a crawl lets us know that Babylon 5 ISN'T what we're watching, it's WCW Monday Nitro! On Tuesday! 28.4.98 (but taped 27.4.98) from the Norfolk Scope in Norfolk, VA. Your hosts remain Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and Larry Zbyzsko, who all suddenly don't trust Bret Hart anymore.

Let's take a very special look at Bret Hart. Again, we are informed that Babylon 5 isn't on. B&W slo-mo clips from last week's [Monday] Nitro again show that Bret Hart is the man most responsible for You Know Who carrying the WCW Championship title.

DISCO INFERNO v. CHRIS "GOD OF RSPW" BENOIT - Lockup, big punch and Disco goes down. Kick, chop (wooo!), kick, chop (woooo!), heabutt, kick, kick, kick. Wow, surely this IS the greatest wrestler in the world! Disco fires back but misses a clothesline and is chopped down. Benoit with the kick to the head. Picking him up, Benoit slams Disco into the turnbuckle. Suplex. Kick from Benoit. Another B5 announcement. Clothesline by Benoit for 2. Snap suplex - Benoit hangs on, two snap suplexes. Benoit goes for three but Inferno blocks and counters with an atomic drop. They're both down. Disco is up first, and takes it to Benoit with a lotta kicks. Whip into the ropes, kick to the gut and a swinging neckbreaker by Disco for 2. Disco picks up Benoit and puts him down with a scoop slam. Forearm off the second rope to the back of the head, and DI has ANOTHER 2 count. Chinlock time for Disco Inferno. Benoit stands up and elbows out. Chop (wooo!), Sunset flip for - the ropes by Benoit. Inferno with an interesting modified jawbreaker for 2. Disco misses the elbow drop and Benoit is back with the chops (wooo!) Whip, missed clothesline, go behind, standing switch, Benoit with a German suplex (with release!) Benoit goes up, Benoit comes down. The flying headbutt - oh no, both men are hurt - I wonder if Benoit will get screwed here. 1, 2, no. Benoit with the Crippler crossface - no, Disco's nearing the ropes. Benoit picks him up and moves him back to the center of the ring, THEN puts the crossface on again. Disco taps out. Well, that's okay then. (5:30)

We've now had more wrestling tonight than in last night's Nitro. Well done, WCW!

People who know use Valvoline, who brings us this portion of Nitro.

Let's take a very special look at Chris Jericho. Great montage, complete with voiceover, asks "Wouldn't you like to be a Jerichoholic too?"

CHRIS TUESDAY JERICHO v. PSYCHOSIS for the WCW Cruiserweight title - Wait a minute, that's Dean Malenko's music! And look! It's DEAN MALENKO! No, wait, it's CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO, doing a dead on Malenko impersonation - complete with funny hairdo and overexaggerated wristband adjustments. Jericho takes the mic and pretends to be Malenko, saying "Home" and crying. Jericho is reluctant to remove the title belt, but eventually complies. By the way, WCW Nitro is pre-empting Babylon 5 tonight. Lockup, headlock by Jericho and down he goes. Psychosis slips off but eats a shoulderblock. Guys, we get it, no Babylon 5, ok. Psychosis with a big boot and some kicks. Jericho eventually gets out by attempting a flip, but Psychosis lands on his feet and delivers a big lariat - and Jericho screams like a little girl. Psychosis tries for a victory roll, but Jericho catches him, and tries for the Liontamer - but Psychosis is wise, flips him with a body scissors and gets - only 2. Psychosis misses a clothesline and Jericho elbows Psychosis down. British Bulldog style half hour suplex by Jericho, followed by the "arrogant cover" for 2. Jericho with a backbreaker - he thought he heard Psychosis give up, but the ref didn't agree. Jericho misses, following a whip into the corner, Pshychosis misses, Jericho for 2. Into the corner, whip, Jericho follows and misses AGAIN, going outside this time. You know what that means - yep, Psychosis with an Undertaker-style tope onto Jericho (I KNOW, Undertaker stole it from Psychosis, I know). Psychosis is back in first and brings in Jericho hair first. Jericho manages to go behind and deliver a German suplex. Jericho tries to go for the springboard moonsault, but pauses on the second rope so Psychosis can deliver his dropkick. Bad spot, that. They redeem it with a Psychosis guillotine legdrop to Jericho - I think they read Herb's Wrestling Tidbits from last Thursday - this is the spot he was talking about. 1, 2, no! Fans boo. Psychosis puts Jericho on the top turnbuckle and is ready for the Frankensteiner - but Jericho dops him on his head and puts on the Liontamer - and it's over. (5:09) Dean Malenko's music plays.

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (they have a WEBSITE?), Moen faucets, NEW Hot Pockets with crispycrustytenderflaky crust, America Online, and the Tootsie Candy Quiz (they threw me a curve, but I still passed).

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls!

Please send your Nitro Party tapes. PLEASE!

BARBARIAN (with James Hart) v. BABYLON 5 WILL NOT BE SEEN TONIGHT (with ROCCO ROCK (with Table and without Johnny Grunge)) - Tony reminds us that the decades-old over-the-top-rope disqualification is no more, for some reason. It's all Barbarian as you might expect. Commentators report the eventual return of Meng, I guess to give Barbarian's life meaning. Rocco Rock fires back but, thanks to Jimmy Hart - and Hugh Morrus (?) - hey, wait, there's Johnny Grunge - and all of a sudden thanks to referee Mickey "Solomon" Jay...

BARBARIAN & HUGH MORRUS (with Jimmy Hart) v. PUBLIC ENEMY in a Norfolk street fight - Well, why not. Grunge brought a garbage can, by the way, which comes into play. We are also treated to some sort of aluminum pan, Jimmy Hart's belt - and oh no! Jimmy Hart has been placed on the table! Before we get the table shot, we see Morrus up on the apron - so the shot becomes Rocco and Morrus hitting the table. Meanwhile, Grunge runs into the Kick of Fear via a trashcan and gets pinned. (4:42) We never did see Hugh Morrus get back up...

Commentators talk about Randy Savage, which segues into us taking you back to THUNDER! and comments from that interview we've seen a million clips of last night. Savage is mad at Bret Hart, you know. On and on...clip after clip...I suddenly remember I'm watching this on tape and fast forward. Ooh yeah!

WCW comes to an arena near you! (If you live in Augusta, Greenville, Charleston, or Savannah.)

Let's take a special look at Juventud Guerrera, who never surrenders. Video clip shows a lot of Guerrera's really cool manoeuvres.

(billy) KIDMAN v. JUVENTUD GUERRERA - People tell me I'm too hard on Tony Schiavone for the stupid, boneheaded things he says. Well, when Tony says things like "he doesn't quit" and I see Juvi with no damn mask on, why WOULDN'T I complain? We are reminded yet again that there will be no Babylon 5 on tonight. The top rope ten punch along is interrupted by a blatant low blow (which referee "Blind" Charles Robinson apparently doesn't see) followed by a blatant super Ligerbomb (that's a powerbomb, folks, fifty grand, unless you're Schiavone and you call it a "spinebuster" - that's it, shoot me now) for - ONLY 2?!? Oh, it's so sad. Kidman scratches. Bodyslam by Kidman. Kidman goes outside the ropes but fails to land on Juvi on his way back in (legdrop attempt). Juvi with the blockpunchandchop technique. Suplex attempt - no he flips over - suplex attempt - no he flips over - Juvi is outside the ropes. Kidman misses an elbow, Juvi knocks him down and hits a springboard plancha (yeah!) for 2. Kidman with a whip, a droponyourface, and a lariat. Kidman puts Juvi on the top turnbuckle and goes for a superplex - then goes for a top-rope superplex, but Juvi isn't budging. Kidman is crotched on the top rope. Juvi with a Frankensteiner for 2. Kidman amazingly kicks out. Whip into the corner by Kidman, but he meets an elbow. Juvi with the (don't call it Michinoku) Juvi driver, the 450 firebird splash, and we have a 1, 2, 3. (3:54) Not bad, not bad at all. Cue the flock. Juvi does well enough until the REALLY big guys (Horace and Reese) take command. Reese does another illegal powerbomb (from a double chokehold) in the process. The replays are brought to us by 1-800-COLLECT. Tony says "hopefully, during the break, they'll get the Flock outta here" which is funny enough for me to mention.

Lee Marshall narrates the Starburst Fruit Chews Pin on a Map road report - Nitro will be in Indianapolis next week.

Quoth the Raven, "Buy the shirt!"

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews Das Wunderkind Alex Wright. Read this with the accent in mind (and keep in mind I'm part German so it's ok for me to make fun of it) "Explain to me something ok, I'm Alex Wright, world superstar, treated like a king everywhere I go, I decide to take a little vacation in my home country, in my beautiful home country Germany - last night (ha!) I come back to this pigsty Norfolk Virginia to educate these people how to dance - shut up! You know what happens, I get taken away by security, now why is that? I tell you why - because people in WCW are morons just all the people here in Norfolk Virginia! Nobody tells Alex Wright what to do and when to do!" Welcome back, Alex. To add insult to injury, Dillinger and company *again* escort Alex Wright away (who is still dancing, to no music).

EDDIE GUERRERO (with Chavo Guerrero, Jr.) v. BOOKER T for the WCW Television Championship - Tony accurately recognises the "Raise the roof" hand signal in the crowd - Tony's HEP. As Booker T walks to the ring, a crawl reminds us that Babylon 5 won't be on tonight. I think this is the first time we've seen Eddie wrestle in quite awhile, isn't it? Eddie tells Chavo to watch...and learn. And Eddie starts out all right, but goes down to a big shoulderblock. Eddie backs into the corner and calls time. He then attracts the attention of referee Mark Curtis and demonstrates that T was pulling Eddie's hair. Funny! Dueling armdrags, Booker T wins and delivers a heel kick to boot (so to speak). T with forearms, misses a punch and Eddie dropkicks Booker T in the knees, then in the arm. Eddie with a snap suplex (yeah!) for 2. Guerrero with the chinlock, giving Tony enough time to hype the Hart interview later in the show. Booker T elbows out of the chinlock but Eddie knocks him down again, then steps on his neck - hey, he's cheating! Chavo looks unhappy. Back to the chinlock, back to the "BABYLON 5 WILL NOT BE SEEN TONIGHT" crawl. Eddie gives the "thinking" charades clue to Chavo. Booker T comes back just enough to receive an eyepoke. Eddie misses a whip, twice, Booker T with a flying forearm and both men are down. Eddie ducks a kick and grabs the leg instead. Lariat. Eddie hits a rana but Booker T rolls through. Eddie's in the ropes and rolls again. Feet on the ropes! Only 2. Chavo is trying to tell Curtis that Eddie's cheating (he's not learning...) - while Booker T breakdances and hits the big kick. Yep, you know the end is near - missile dropkick for 1, 2, 3. (4:30) Chavo comes in - and Eddie slaps him around. The replay shows us it's clearly all Chavo's fault that Eddie lost - I can understand why Eddie is so mad.

Bobby Heenan replaces Larry Zbyzsko during the break.

HOUR NUMBER TWO! HOUR NUMBER TWO OF BABYLON 5 PRE- EMPTION NOTICES! Fireworks! TV-14!

Commentators talk about Savage and Hart - they have a big match coming up at Slamboree. Dammit, quit with the Babylon 5 already. Everyone knows Star Trek is better any day.

Let us take you back to last night where Hart gives us what for about Savage and Okerlund says "Why Bret Why?" and Hart makes fun of him for it. Almost the entire freakin' interview is replayed here.

MARTYR JANNETTY v. (perry) SATURN (with Kidman) - Jannetty has that "Why am I here" look in his eyes. After watching this match, I can see why. Jannetty does get a superkick and a fist from the ropes, but Saturn immediately hits a (Spicolli) Death Valley Driver for the pin. (2:15)

Mean Gene Okerlund lets us know that it's the shank of the evening (or, on the West Coast, "late afternoon") and interviews DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE. Gene says something about his shorts being rattled. When asked about Raven, DDP goes into his Big Bang Theory, then goes on with that personal exposition stuff that he and Raven have. Instead of Raven, we see Kidman and Sick Boy walking to ringside. They say that Raven isn't in the building, but they have a video instead. Raven does some personal exposition of his own and says that he won't fight him again, as he's already beaten him. Page has no comment to the video, but gives Sick Boy a diamond cutter. Sounds like the video didn't work last night and Tony and Mike overdubbed some commentary. Kidman, who had run off, had come back into the ring only to be clotheslined from behind by "a fan" - not that a lot of fans perform clotheslines and are even mentioned at the time by the commentators. I heard an earlier "fan attack" was Mortis sans mask, I'll assume that's who it was this time. Dillinger and company dutifully swarm the guy.

Slamboree is May 17!

Let's take a special look at Goldberg! That's United States Champion Goldberg, after he defeated Raven last week on Nitro.

JERRY FLYNN v. (bill "77-0") GOLDBERG for the United States Heavyweight Championship - A week ago on r.s.p-w I announced Jerry Flynn's #1 contendership - I love being proven right! According to the Big Wrestling Shoe's Top 10 WCW Jobbers list, Flynn has lost to Goldberg FOUR times in 1998 - why, yes, I meant five. (:47) - the only reason this match lasts so long is that Goldberg holds Flynn up in the air extra long before the Jackhammer.

Did I mention that WCW will be in Augusta, Greenville, Charleston, and Savannah this week?

Hey, look, it's the Nitro Girls! While we have a little time, we learn that Buff Bagwell is in stable condition following his surgery, his prognosis is good and we should be able to make a comeback sometime way down the road. Good news indeed.

Michael Buffer is on the scene to get us ready to (this word removed to avoid lawsuit).

KONNAN & BRIAN ADAMS & SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER (with Vincenzo & two trophies) v. an ad break

This portion of WCW Tuesday Monday Nitro brought to you by "Black Dog."

And THIS portion of WCW Monday Nitro (on Tuesday) brought to you by Burger King. What, the last portion was an ad break?

(THIS IS) STING & THE NARCISSIST & GIANT v. THE NWO B-TEAM - Luger & Giant ham it up on the way to the ring - Luger tries to get around the Giant so we can see him but Giant won't let him - pretty funny. Now, if Konnan is in the Wolfpac, where does that put Steiner and Adams - or should I even be asking about continuity? Your referee is Mark Curtis. Sting and Adams start - and fail to lock up until 45 seconds after the bell. Adams shoulderblocks Sting, Sting leapfrogs - but Adams catches him and delivers an atomic drop. Backbreaker by Adams for 2. Man, Sting SUCKS! Sting goes behind, kick, face to the canvas, Sting tries for the Sharpshooter but Adams has the ropes. Adams to the outside and tries to call time. He does the next best thing, which is take FOREVER to get back in. So Sting tags the Giant. So Adams tags Konnan. Konnan is arrogant enough to give Giant the bad mouth, and Giant flings him out. Konnan comes back in, and gets a head of steam, but Giant just catches him and gives a bodyslam. Konnan to the top rope but Giant picks him up off the top turnbuckle and puts in a bear hug. Giant sits Konnan on the top turnbuckle and then tags in Luger. Konnan manages to crawl to his corner and tag Steiner. It must be time for the POSEDOWN! Fortunately, we (rather quickly) move to action, which involves dueling shoulderblocks - stalemate, Luger knocks him down the second time they try to a big pop, as Big Poppa Pump falls. Big atomic drop. Konnan tries to hit Luger from behind, Luger turns around and ko's Konnan with a big punch, but Steiner gets the advatage with the slight distraction - double underhook into a suplex and Luger is down. Scott with kick/knees to the prone Luger. Punches in bunches. Whip into the corner hard, kick, tag to K-Dawg. But as Steiner whips Luger into the corner, Luger fires back, big clotheslining both men. All three men are down! Steiner and Konnan both go to the corner to tag Adams - but he WALKS AWAY giving me the "Ihadditwitchoo" hand wave. Meanwhile, Sting is in, delivering the Stinger splash sandwich on both remaining men. Both Konnan and Steiner decide to exit, leaving Vincent to be the designated chokeslam recipient. (COR 6:35) As the victors stand over Vincent, who hasn't moved...well, nothing I guess - we quickly move to

Promotional consideration paid for by David sunflower seeds, the Super Soaker Constant Pressure System 2500 & 3000, Simonize Ride Care, Ring Pops (awesome!)

Time now for the main event, which is actually Mean Gene Okerlund interviewing BRET HART. Hart has changed shirts (black - hmmm) so we think it's not the same night. Gene: "blah blah blah blah Why Bret Why?" Hart: "Shut up! I'm not gonna say another word until I hear that magic tune of Hulk Hogan's - let's fire it up" Okerlund appeals to Hogan to appear and sure enough, somebody cooks up some Voodoo Chili and out comes YOU KNOW WHO with Eric Bischoff and the Booty Disciple - the WCW Title STILL doesn't have a new nameplate on it - they should just fill in the hole if they're not going to fix that... Okerlund and Hart have a chat while they walk to the ring. Before Hart can talk, Bischoff blathers on about us calling him Hollywood. OK, finally. Bret Hart: "Listen, listen, some things I've waited a long long time to say and one of them is I want everyone to understand that you are somebody that I have looked up to for a long long time (booo) no you people don't understand that Hollywood Hogan is the highest paid wrestler in the hirstory of wrestling, I mean nobody's made more money than you have, and Hollywood Hogan, you are without a doubt the most visibly recognised wrestler of all time - nobody but nobody is recognised around the planet more than you are..." "You know something Mr. Hart, I really appreciate you setting the record straight that everybody knows where Bret's heart lies, and thank you brother for telling it like it is." "The biggest reason that I wanted you to be the World Heavyweight champion is -" and Hart opens his coat to reveal a Hogan T-shirt (huh?) but before the sentence that we all want to hear, that we NEED to hear, that we have waited one week and one day, one THUNDER!, one Monday Nitro and almost all of a Tuesday Nitro, to hear, is completed, out comes RANDY SAVAGE. "What the hell are you doing messin' in my business?" and he punks him. Hogan and Disciple quickly take over Savage, then hold him for Hart. Hart with a KO punch. As Hart locks in the Scorpion Deathlock, we're out of time!

Well, hell. We still don't know what's up - and the commentators didn't even NOTICE Hart was wearing a Hogan T-shirt. Maybe we'll find out more next week. Of course, that's the POINT...isn't it.