We start with pictures from last week's huge press conference from Planet Hollywood. In attendance are You Know Who, Dennis Rodman, Diamond Dallas Page, Karl Malone...and LEE MARSHALL? Tony Schiavone narrates, but fortunately, we can't hear him.

It's WCW NITRO! coming to you LIVE 22.6.98 from the Memorial Colesium in Jacksonville, Florida, and rated TV-PG-DV (the "D" stands for [serious answer] "adult dialogue" or [sarcastic answer] "dumb angles ahead.") Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and Larry "the voices in my head chant my name" Zbyszko. If you've been living in a cave for the past week, you might not know that last week, just as we were to find whether or not Diamond Dallas Page would join the Wolfpack, Rodman and Hogan bend some chairs on Page's back. Let us take you back and show a clip. Also last week, Rodman and Hogan were on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, let's see a clip of that. Rodman says something which was apparently hilarious, because Hogan starts smiling and stamping his feet.

As "Smells Like Self-High Five" plays over the PA, GENE OKERLUND welcomes DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE to the ring. Okerlund says something about "mainstream press." There's an actual "DDP" chant going. DDP says "Good Gawd." Page delivers the semi-shoot about his personal heat with Hollywood Hogan. I like how Page ends his sentences with really loud punctuations...especially when the last word in the sentence ... is ... WORM!!!! I think for the rest of this paragraph I'll pretend ... I'm ... PAGE!!!! Page goes on ... for ... MINUTES!!!! He also hypes hot bad Karl Malone ... wants ... IT!!!! And, of course, after promising that they'll feel the bang, Page walks out ... through ... the ... CROWD!!!!

Another clip of Planet Hollywood. I'm guessing we see these ALL NIGHT LONG.

Valvoline with Syn Power brings you this portion of Nitro.

DDP hawks his Diamond Cutter T-shirt - geez, it's so old - isn't it time he got a new shirt?

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! We are told that tonight's main event is Chris Benoit vs. Bret Hart.

Oh boy, a Nitro Party Video! Those wacky dorm rats at NC State - the foam's going straight to their brain!

LYNN "DON'T CALL ME LEN" DENTON v. DISCO INFERNO - boy, I'll bet that last quarter hour really popped the ratings! THIS quarter hour sure looks a lot better with a thrilling Denton/DI matchup. Let me tell you how exciting this match is - the commentators are talking about *Benoit*, for cryin' out loud. Fortunately for us, the commentators return to talking about the Bash at the Beach's huge main event. This match is so long, the commentators move back to talking about Benoit, and how he relates to the two members of Harlem Heat. This match is so long that the commentators CALL A MOVE IN THIS MATCH! which is Disco's piledriver for the pin. The crowd goes nuts, because this match is over (3:27). The Castrol Torture Test of the Week is a replay of - ah, who cares.

Tony announces we have a big surprise for us tonight. Gene O. introduces to us - hey, it's KEVIN GREENE! come back from the NFL to do a little rasslin'. He comes to the ring to the Carolina Panthers theme song (which sucks, I might add). Greene tries to suck up to the Jaguar fans, and succeeds, which just proves my point - WCW fans are idiots. Crowd scores some points with me by repeatedly booing every time the words "Carolina Panthers" are uttered. Okerlund and Greene just go on and on about football. Greene says the verboten words "Four Horsemen." Greene goes on to name Bill Goldberg - apparently they were roomies in 1981 with the LA Rams. Oh, look, there's CURTRICK HENNIGRUDE come to bore up some more time. Hennig says "This is a wrestling arena, stop talking about football!" which I actually empathize with. Greene says "bullcrap" a couple times to spike the ratings. Anyway, while Hennig and Rude keep Greene occupied, up from behind comes GIANT, who waffles Greene from behind - the [brief] doubleteam is on. Just as they're almost left, Greene gets the mic back and says "freakin' punks" or something. The chase is on! But we're going to take an ad break.

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (snap into it!), Simoniz car care, America (ha!) Online, and 1-800-USA-FIND (does that guy know you've found your REAL father?)

Let us take you back to during the break - no, wait, let's take you back to "Moments Ago" instead - another angle of Giant, Rude and Hennig making nasty on Greene. Lookit Hennig's EMBARRASSING, ballet-like football kick to the gut. And watch them leave. Again. NOW we see a "Moments Ago" clip of backstage, where a gaggle of referees and security personnel keep Greene and NWO Hollywood apart. What's strange is to see Benoit, McMichael and Arn Anderson (!) holding Greene back. Didn't McMichael and Greene have ... issues? Anyway, J.J. DILLON makes his way into the middle of things, and somehow a match is signed between Giant and Greene for tonight.

TOKOYO [sic] MAGNUM (with fairly swank costume) v. YUJI NAGATA (with Sonny Onoo and camera) - Magnum is doing the bump'n'grind and Nagata is looking at him like he's nuts. And then Nagata demolishes him. And then he throws him out to Sonny Onoo. And then Onoo demolishes him. Nagata displays an impressive variety of submission holds, but the one that works is the Nagatalock (4:24).

We IMMEDIATELY go to the back to see STEVIE RAY kickin' CHRIS BENOIT's ass. Doug Dellinger and three other guys manage to hold back Ray. Let's take an ad break!

Gene Okerlund narrates the Starburst Fruit Chews Pin on a Map Road Report. *Wednesday* is the day, Orlando is the place. THUNDER! is the show.

Let's take a special video look at RAVEN. He had a bad childhood. He walks through several bluescreened video images. Screen says 'Quote the Raven "NEVER MORE"' and I can think of at least three ways that doesn't match the Poe poem. Oh well.

THE PUBLIC ENEMY (with table) v. HORACE (boulder) & SICK BOY (with Lodi, STOP sign and some other signs) - All four men start (wotta shock!) - double clothesline on Grunge. Rock ducks a double clothesline and moonsaults both men (commentators are talking about Benoit). Grunge powers both Flockers out of the ring. Grunge leads the crowd in rhythmic clapping. Whoa, this ALMOST resembles an actual tag match! Sick Boy and Rocco Rock in the ring. Lockup, Rock with arm wringer. Sick Boy reverses and elbows the arm. Wristlock by Sick Boy. Rock does some mat stuff (!) and bars the arm. Tag to Grunge. Johnny Grunge with a kick to the gut. Doubleteam is on - double flapjack. Grunge cabbage patches (I think that's what it was - I'm too old to remember, har har). 1, 2, Horace breaks it up. Sick Boy rakes the eyes and makes the tag but Grunge hits a Mexican arm drag (see, they CAN wrestle!) and tags Rock. Double double elbow(tm). Rock drops another elbow. Whip, reversal, duck, Rock hits Sick Boy (who had perched), but turns around and gets a hot shot from Horace. Into the corner. While Lodi distracts Grunge, who distract ref "Blind" Billy Silverman, both Flockers stomp on Rock. Horace with an elbow for 2. Tag to Sick Boy. Where are the WEAPONS? Whip into the corner HARD and Rock goes down. Stomp by Sick Boy. Tony hypes "Tonight Show" footage. Rock with a surprise sunset flip for 1. Sick Boy quickly is back on Rock for 2. Head to the turnbuckle and a tag. Double kicking attack! Grunge tries to come in, distracting the ref. Duh. Horace with a whip into the corner, and a sidewalk slam when Rock comes out. 1, 2, Grunge breaks it up. Horace takes a shot at Grunge, so Grunge comes in, and we get a sneaky "heels switch without tagging" routine. Sick Boy clotheslines Rock out of the ring. Grunge stupidly throws Rock back in, but not in his corner for the tag. Rock manages to duck and Sick Boy hits the corner hard. Rock doesn't get to the tag, though; Sick Boy stops him. Whip into the corner, missed splash and Rock FINALLY makes the hot tag. Tag also to Horace. Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine. Grunge is a house afire. Sick Boy ducks a clothesline and Horace surprises Grunge with his. The STOP sign is in the ring. Horace hits Rock on the way back, and Grunge ducks - Sick Boy is hit on the way up. Horace falls back into a cradle - 1, 2. Now Rock is out, they're going to try it again. Horace goes for Grunge while Sick Boy holds - yep, it doesn't work AGAIN - Grunge ducks and Sick Boy gets hit with the sign. Rock has climbed to the top rope, shoulderblocks the sign, which hits Horace - and there's the 1, 2, 3. (8:16) No table shot. Man, this was almost like REAL tag team wrestling in the WCW! Wow!

Shot of Karl Malone and Diamond Dallas Page posing for pictures at Planet Hollywood

Raven shirt ad.

THUNDER! ad. We see clips of the Disco Inferno/Giant match, the Public Enemy/Flock (ha) match, and the Goldberg/Reese (ha) match. Think how exciting it will be THIS week! (Wednesday, by the way.)

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! Tony hypes the Tonight Show footage, and the Hart/Benoit match, AND the Giant/Greene match. Hey Tony, shut the hell up, huh?

Gene O. invites out BRET HART, who comes out in "HOGAN" T-shirt and NWO music. Hart quotes "Austin Powers: Internation Man of Mystery" character Dr. Evil by saying to Mean Gene "Let me tell you about a man named SHHHH..." Apparently, tonight's main event is a big Canadian vs. Canadian affair. Hart goes on to berate the fans for ... well, I don't know exactly. Tonight is Benoit's big chance to step into the ring with the greatest technical wrestler in the history of wrestling...the fans can't help you now...blah blah blah...excellence of execution.

The Treacherous Three talk about the Tonight Show footage. Enough already, let's see it! Let us take you back to the Tonight Show, courtesy NBC. Hogan stamps the floor again. Rodman and Hogan are talking smack - out come Page and Malone. Maybe it was just judicious editing, but it ALMOST looked like it came to blows near the end there. A transcript of this appearance is somewhere in MiCasa98.

Another clip from Planet Hollywood.

TV-PG-DV and FIREWORKS means HOUR TWO! Tony promises more press conference footage, and one of the biggest double main events ever - Hart/Benoit and Greene/Giant. If, reading this, you ask yourself "Why does CRZ TYPE this stuff when I'm just going to read about it at the end of this report?" Well, now you know how I feel hearing Tony hype something I'm going to see at the end of the hour after next anyway.

(bill "101-0") GOLDBERG v. RICK FULLER for the WCW United States Heavyweight Championship - you know, Goldberg has more than 101 wins - not that it matters. This weeks #1 Contender is Rick Fuller - mull that over for a while. Lockup, no. Lockup, Goldberg with a knee, opposite knee, takedown to an anklelock. Fuller grabs the rope. Elbow by Goldberg, whip into the ropes, Fuller steps aside, Goldberg stops. Fuller to the knee, nice spinning kick and Goldberg goes down. Goldberg comes up and spears (which Fuller forgets to sell, so Goldberg picks him up and drops him instead - watch for Fuller to get fired now). Goldberg is bleeding from the head and mouth - geez, he's fragile. Jackhammer, 1, 2, 3. They replay the nonspear, which makes me laugh. (Entrance 2:05, match 1:30)

Fan interview from outside - he's wearing a Rodman jersey which should tell you how smart and intelligble his comments are.

WCW action comes to Orlando for THUNDER!, Tampa for next week's Nitro, Columbus for NEXT week's THUNDER!, and Atlanta for the humongously big Nitro in two weeks!

Tony is sweating - gee, that's a newsflash. If you were that big, you'd sweat too - ha! The Treacherous Three talk about Kevin Greene's (possibly foolhardy) decision to wrestle Giant in one of the two big main events. Then they talk about Malone, Rodman, Page, and Hogan.

Mike Tenay walks amongst the people - "Earlier today" footage of fans outside the arena. Suck, young suck, forgot which fed he was watching ("Rodman's gonna STUN Malone!"), and was this trip really necessary?

With a howl, it must be that time in the program for the WOLFPACK to make their interview. This week's contestants are (THIS IS) MUTA - err, STING, KONNAN, and BIG SEXY THE GIANT KILLER. I'm thinking I could go get a snack right now. Let's play Wolfpack Mad Libs, shall we? Nash: "<name of town>! Wolfpack in the house!" Konnan: <unintelligible Spanish> Crowd: <tries to repeat> Konnan: <same> Crowd: <same> Konnan: "Bowdy Bowdy Rowdy Rwody" Nash: <Trendy South Park saying> Sting: "Wooow! <Name of town> is red and black! Giant, you're dead." Well, you get the idea. They do break from tradition by borrowing a blowup doll dressed as Hogan from the crowd. Sting makes a challenge for the Tag Team titles. Nash wears a belt around his head and looks like one of those sitcom doctors. Nash says "Too sweet" and at least that's over. Nobody seems to accept the challenge for the tag team titles - well, maybe later.

More fan interviews. One guy thinks he's Don King or something.

Closed captioning paid for by Stone Street Capital - hey, that's a little highbrow for a RASSLIN' program, i'n'tit?

Another fan interview, followed by Tenay saying "That's all right, that's all right, that's all right." Hey, look, it's the Nitro Girls! So did they fire Tayo or what? Maybe Bobby Walker was *right* about all that racist crap...

Please welcome Bobby Heenan to the commentary table.

DAS TANZEN WUNDERKIND ALEX WRIGHT v. EDDIE GUERRERO - Wright dips and kisses the Hooters girl at ringside - you go, boy! Guerrero is interrupted on his walk to the ring by PSYCHO CHAVO, who offers a pep talk and disappears. Guerrero tries to psyche HIMSELF up. Who wins in a heel vs. heel matchup? Probably Wright, he's the lesser of two evils. HA!!! Lockup, to the corner, chop by Wright. Chop, punch, scoop slam. Stompin' by Wright. Commentators are talking about Bash at the Beach and the biggest press conference in the history of our sport. Wright continues to stomp. Now he's tanzen again. Guerrero comes back with a shoulderblock and stomping of his own. Now THAT'S a chop (woooo!) Snapmare and stomp. Guerrero with that "diggin' a grave" hand motion. Wright to the eyes. European forearm by Wright. Whip into the corner, nice backbreaker. Some more tanzen. ("Tanzen" is close to German for "dancing.") Wright is still pretty much in control. Guerrero comes back with some headbutts to the gut and some uppercut elbows. Clothesline for Eddie. Wright rolls out. Hard to tell whose hatred is more loudly manifested by this crowd. Back in goes Wright. Kick 'n' punch 'n' chop for Wright. Now Wright is really on him. Nice snap suplex with a bridge by Wright for 2. Guerrero rolls away from a diving Wright from the top rope. Guerrero attacks the freshly-injured knee. Snap brainbuster suplex but now PSYCHO CHAVO's got a mic. Chavo's doing his shtick, and Eddie turns to look - which means that Alex Wright can hit a neckbreaker for the pin. (4:55) "Bye German guy! Yeah yeah, weinerschnitzel struedel to you too. What's the matter, Eddie? It's not how you win or lose, it's how you play the game!" Chavo goes on to talk about his Monopoly game. Eddie "You're wacko!" Chavo: "No, no, I'm CHAVO! C-H-A-V-O (sung to "Bingo")"

Fan interview - you better recognize. White and black. Rodman. Something else.

Another fan interview - how come all the WHITE guys are rooting for Page, and all the BLACK guys are rooting for Rodman? It's like they edited it that way or something. Maybe Bobby Walker was *right* about all that racist crap...

KONNAN v. (scotty) RIGGS (with tongue, Lodi, no entrance) - Let's look at Lodi's signs for this match. "WE HATE GATORS." Okay, that's got local flavor. "MATH 101 - (pi)r^2 = 3.14" - obscure, probably an in joke. r=1 is the answer, Lodi! "LODI IS YOUR IDOL!" Very nice, very in character. I'll take time out to call a move in this match - Riggs still has a nice dropkick. "WE HATE GATORS" - well, I've seen that one. Ooh, a *pescado*! See, Riggs DESERVES to win this match. "RIGGS BEAT UP AN HONOR STUDENT" - hmm, probably another in joke - maybe it goes with the math sign... "WE HATE GATORS" - kind of a classic, verse chorus verse format to Lodi's signs - is it true we can gauge how close we are to the end of the match? Konan with a bridge for 2 - Lodi is up on the apron, Lodi eats a punch. Lariat by Riggs. Powerslam by Riggs for 2. Riggs climbs the ropes, Konnan swats away the flyer and lets him land on the mat - then we get the Tequila Sunrise - which means I am denied the one thing I'd want to see in this match, Konnan's ultracool 187 cradle DDT. Submission. (4:47) Konnan sneaks another "bowdy bowdy" in there, too!

Hogan and Rodman, seated, appear to be answering questions at the big press conference at Planet Hollywood.

The Awesome 3 talk about Karl Malone, DDP, Hollywood Hogan, and Dennis Rodman. I am ALREADY sick of the hype for this match - and it's what, three, four weeks away?

FINALLY we get some press conference footage. The four pose for pictures. Malone: "Rodzilla, size DOES matter." Hogan: "We're gonna show you why this podium is between us." Malone calls Hogan a "sissy." Considering how much they hyped it...well, I shouldn't make a comparison to, say, the WWF handling Mike Tyson...well, so I won't.

Promotional consideration paid for by the Super Soaker CPS 2500 & 3000, David sunflower seeds, Motel 6, Dan Marino gonna come give us a mortgage

WCW cross promotes with "Small Soldiers!" or something. Details at that website you've heard so much about, www.wcwwrestling.com.

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! Keep those Nitro tapes coming! Tony: "You can have a Nitro Party at your home, your school, church group, favourite establishment..." Heenan: "A van..."

FIREWORKS! TV-PG-DV box! Must be HOUR THREE!

STEVIE RAY v. STEVE "MONGO" McMICHAEL - Mongo's nickname is officially in the graphic now - he ALSO comes out to the Horsemen theme. Hmmm... Mongo ALSO flashes The Symbol of Excellence - and the camera catches it! Lockup, Stevie goes to the eyes. It's all Stevie Ray. "Now that's how I whup a sucka!" Whoops, shouldn't have turned his back there. Mongo fires back. Hey, whatever happened to this guy's wife, I wonder? This match has devolved to a punch'n'poundfest. Lucky for us, we take a commercial break!

When we come back, they're still fighting. Ho hum. At least Stevie Ray has the offense so we see a cool legdrop for 2. Choke by Stevie Ray. Commentators are establishing a difference between Stevie Ray and Booker T.'s philosophies. Big slam by Stevie Ray for 2. Chinlock. After an eternity, Mongo elbows out but is out of gas. He's a sitting duck for a big kick from Stevie Ray. Choke in the corner. Mongo kicks back. Knee to the head. Elbow drop. Kneedrop. Mongo's offense can best be described as ... deliberate. Mongo punches and Stevie is outside. Now he's dragged Mongo to the outside. Dueling barricade attempts and Mongo is successful. Whip, reversal and Mongo hits the STEEL steps. Mongo thrown back in - Stevie's looking for a chair. Man, he DEMOLISHED David Penzer. Before Stevie Ray can use the chair, CHRIS BENOIT has run out to put a stop to that nonsense, taking the chair. Before he can teach Stevie a lesson, BOOKER T. has come out and stops Benoit. After convincing Benoit that NO chair shots are necessary, he and his brother start arguing. Even though referee Charles Robinson had signaled for the bell a minute ago, it actually doesn't ring until (DQ 9:32). Harlem Heat walk off, still in discussion, while Benoit attends to McMichael - and the Horsemen theme plays.

The Awesome 3 hype the main event - then talk about last week's main event, where Randy Savage received a broken leg at the hands of Bischoff and Hogan. That must mean it's time to cook up some Voodoo Chili...

YOU KNOW WHO, CRACKA EAZY-E, LIZ, BOOTY DISCIPLE and SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER make their way to ringside and that means it's time for Door Number Two in tonight's NWO Gabfest Let's Make a Deal Show. Eric looks like a man who's been whupped in the ratings for the past coupla months, but that COULD be just me. Bischoff: "Life without Savage is very, very sweet! <suckuptoHogan, suckuptoHogan> Go break a leg! <horrendously fake laughter>" Hogan: <lame Savage imitation> and some other stuff. He does call DDP "the little P-P" and Malone "the biggest loser to ever get in the playoffs and having his butt kicked." He also says something about Kimberly - eh, whatever. Maybe they're just coasting until the two main events? Maybe they're just coasting until the Super Nitro at the Georgia Dome? Tony: "What have they done to our sport?"

Let us take you back to a clip of last week's brutal attack perpetrated upon Mr. Madness by Hogan and Bischoff on Savage's knee - in black and white and funnyvision, no less! Spot shadow highlights the chairshot that will take Savage out of the story for at least three months and maybe six.

Let us take you back to THUNDER! a couple weeks ago, where Chris Benoit politely refuses an NWO shirt. Let's fast forward to last week's Nitro where Benoit promises to be a man who Booker T. can count on - which causes Stevie Ray to go postal on Benoit - bringing out Mongo.

CHRIS BENOIT v. BRET HART - The Hitman comes out to the NWO theme. This match should be so good, the commentators spend less than 40% talking about the Giant/Greene match and the Bash at the Beach main event. Your referee is Billy Silverman. Feeling out process. Lockup, armdrag by Benoit. Hart complains of a hairpull, Silverman gives a warning. Feeling out, lockup, Benoit tries to bar the arm but they make it to the corner. Clean break? Yup - after Silverman gets between them to break it up. "USA" chant quickly dies as crowd realises both men are Canadian. Benoit with a wristlock takedown, Hart gets up and counters with a bodyslam. Quick elbowdrop, but Benoit is up and takes down Hart again. A brief mat segment ends with Hart on his knees in an arm bar. Back up, Hart with a crossface and a big shot to break it up. A couple more shots and the hold is broken. Hart with a NICE DDT. Hart looks around at the fans for effect. Benoit's face is run across the ring rope - Benoit chops back, but Hart hits Benoit right in the face. Choke in the corner for the 4 count. Knee to the face. Hart with a blatant hairpull and a headbutt. Back into the corner, Hart slaps Benoit in the face. This causes Benoit to get a second wind, chopping and slapping away. Hart leads him back into a corner and regains the advantage - several European uppercuts. Hart and Silverman have a tet a tet about staying in the corner. Whip, reversal, Benoit lunges but meets the knee. Atomic drop by Hart, followed up by a clothesline. Hart goes for - a senton? - from the middle rope but Benoit rolls and Hart hits the mat. Chop, chop (woooo!), headbutt, but Hart drops Benoit's throat on the top rope. Hart is slow to get up but gives a few knees and Benoit's on the outside. And now Bret follows. Benoit's back meets the STEEL ringpost. Hart says "piece of shit" but gets muted. Bigtime punching and Silverman comes out to try to get these guys back in the ring. Hart showboats for the crowd and then goes back outside. And now both men are in the ring. Tony is talking about the NWO for some reason. Piledriver by Hart - 1, 2, Benoit squirts under. Hart argues the count. Hart picks up Benoit by the neck (good selling by Benoit!) and hits a snappy headbutt and Benoit falls to the mat again. This action is too good, let's take an ad break.

This portion of Nitro is sponsored by Starburst Fruit Chews!

When we come back, Hart is trying a pinfall and Benoit is barely getting a shoulder up after the 2 count. Side Russian legsweep(tm Hart) for 2. Hart seems more interested in jawing at fans than finishing this match. Stomp to the head, stomp to the gut. Whip into the ropes, Benoit goes behind, to the ropes, Hart shakes off Benoit but only gets 2. Swing, duck, German suplex. Benoit holds on, there's 2! Hart puts a leg up to block the third and throws back an elbow. Go behind, standing switch, full nelson by Benoit into a dragon suplex (yeah!) but he released. Both men are down and tired. Benoit is up, slowly, but first. Stomp. Snap suplex. "Thumb-'cross-the-throat" sign from Benoit which means it's diving headbutt time - but Hart rolls away. Man the ring is bouncy tonight. Headbutt to the gut by Hart. Hart climbs the ropes, but Benoit meets him there. Will we see - yes! Superplex! Hooks the leg, 1, 2, NO! And now it's Benoit arguing the count. Short clothesline by Benoit for 2. Rake of the face by Hart. Suplex attempt - no, Benoit has the Crippler crossface on! But they're too close. Hart grabs the ropes. Benoit drags Hart to the center of the ring to reapply the submission hold - but STEVIE RAY is climbing the ring steps, drawing over Silverman AND Benoit. Hart is fishing in his kneepad for the international object, and LEVELS him with it in back of the head. But wait, Benoit is on top? 1, 2, no! But Benoit is OUT. Oh, I get it. Hart was faking it and pulled Benoit on top of himself! Now there's a Sharpshooter - arm falls once - arm falls twice - arm falls a third time. (15:08) Camera has a great shot of the international object - only trouble is, that ain't it. Replay shows Bret Hart stuffing the knux into Benoit's tights (that shot is ALMOST illegal) - I guess there were two sets, as Bret stuffs the other set into his own trunks. MAN, that's the best screwjob I've ever seen. Seriously. THIS is why I'm a wrestling fan!

I went back and checked my tape - that other set of knux was brought out on the sly at the 13 minute mark. I guess I'll let it go, though. I guess they needed that prop to tell the story? And Hart is SMART to set that up two minutes before the ending, isn't he? They should have this match every week. Yeah!

Another "Small Soldiers"/www.wcwwrestling.com/Bash at the Beach ad. Is a trip to California a great prize if you're already IN California?

The Awesome 3 set up the Greene/Giant match - one more time. Schiavone and Heenan do one of those "dueling double takes" battles. Let us take you back to Earlier Tonight when HennigRude distract Greene until Giant waffles 'im. Later, in the back, the Horsemen - oops, FORMER Horsemen - hold back Greene while officials hold back NWO Hollywood.

MICHAEL BUFFER is here - hey, wait a minute, why didn't he introduce that REAL main event we just had? Well that blows. "Let's get rrrrready to <censored>"

SMOKIN' GIANT v. KEVIN GREENE - Giant doesn't get his special green outlined letters in his graphic anymore - I guess smoking turns your teeth yellow and your graphic orange. Greene, thankfully, doesn't make us endure that Panthers song again - it sounds more like recycled AC/DC. Greene is wearing a SECURITY shirt, jeans, and borrowed kneepads (or so they would have us believe). He waits for Buffer's introduction to end before making his appearance, probably because he wants to run like a madman and start attacking immediately. Threepoint stance into a shoulderblock, two, crazyman football dance, Giant blocks a third shoulderblock and Greene goes down HARD. Giant with the badmouth. Elbowdrop which Greene sells like an anvil fell on him like in the Roadrunner cartoons. Head to the...well, groin...by Greene is an equalizer. Back to the shoulderblocks - no, wait, there's CURTRICK HENNIGRUDE and here's the screwjob we've come to know and love over the past couple years (DQ 1:12). Out comes VINCENZO, out comes BRIAN ADAMS, Disciple - everyone stands around and/or takes turns. Who will make the save? Now, if you've been paying attention, I shouldn't even have to say it. Yes, it's GOLDBERG. Vincent gets a spear on the outside. A double spear takes out Adams and the Disciple. Giant and HennigRude clear out. Everybody walks away - now Hennig remembers he's supposed to be feuding with Goldberg and tries to get back, but Giant and Rude hold him back. After a meeting of the minds, Greene grabs the mic. "Big boyyyy! Hey! I see you've got a partner - Hennig - but I got one better! Da man! Goldberg! Bash at the Beach! Be there, baby!" So it looks like we got Greene/Goldberg vs. Giant/Hennig at Bash at the Beach. Oh good, one more football player on this wrestling card. Let's see if we can have McMichael/Reggie White II while we're at it.

WCW - home of soaring highs and rock-bottom lows. See you next week!