We see a live shot of an 18-wheeler, flanked by cops, drahvin' down the freeway. Apparently, Page and Malone are in the cab, and they must be late because they KNEW when the show was starting, but they're still on the road.

The truck is rated TV-PG-DV and is closed captioned.

Hey look, the Nitro Girls! Well, four of 'em...

Fireworks! Commentator hype! Biggest in the history of our sport!

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Larry "Cheer Me! Please!" Zbyszko. They talk a lot about that truck and Malone and Page and that truck and the great big tag team main event for Bash at the Beach oh and Page and Malone are in a truck.

Mean Gene Okerlund gets us started by bringing out KEVIN GREENE. He's the NFL sax leader for a linebacker, you know. At least this time, Greene comes out to real theme music. He calls Giant and Hennig "idiots" and wastes no time saying "Bill Goldberg" to try to get the crowd on his side - crowd is busy chanting "Goldberg" and ignoring Greene. Greene has a slightly better interview this week than last week, which isn't saying much. Their big match at Bash at the Beach, says Gene, "is worth the price of admission alone." Maybe on your planet, Gene?

HORACE (with Lodi) v. KANYON - I've been getting letters from people who say I am going to WAY too much trouble to poke fun at Nitro. I gotta tell ya, when I get excitement like Horace/Kanyon, it sure becomes REALLY tough work. Kanyon's spot this week is a swinging Perfectplex. Horace's spot is a tope suicida (this guy is Hulk Hogan's BROTHER?) along with a whip of Kanyon into the STOP sign that actually BENDS the sign. The sad thing is, no matter how in control Boulder is, we all know he ain't gonn' win. Horace with a superplex, Kanyon kicks out. Whip, reverse, swinging neckbreaker. Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine. Kanyon with the "innovative" fireman's carry into a flapjack (shoulda done a diamond cutter). Kanyon ko's Lodi to make the fans cheer, but Boulder gets a kick. Well, you think that this would lead to a win, right? Nope, Kanyon reverses and hits the Flatliner for the pin. (4:08) Cue Sick Boy, cue Kidman, Kanyon cleans house, whoops he forgot about Riggs. Now the Flock FINALLY takes control of the situation. Raven's in. "Kanyon, where you walk, you walk alone. And where you stand, you stand alone. A generation ago that would have been admirable, but today, it's just foolish." Evenflow DDT. "[Quoth] the Raven, Nevermore."

Another shot of the big rig - man, it's burning up the freeway - what's it going, 20 mph?

This portion of Nitro brought to you by VALVOLINE!

WCW Action comes to Columbus for THUNDER!, Atlanta for next week's SuperNitro, Macon (for Saturday Night?), and Birmingham for THUNDER!

It's WCW Nitro LIVE 29.6.98 from the Ice Palace in not-icy Tampa, Florida! The opening credits happen NOW!

The Treacherous Three talk about the eighteen-wheeler - we're still waiting for it. Karl Malone and Diamond Dallas Page, they're teaming up to take on Hollywood Hogan and Dennis Rodman in a tag team meatch, which will take place at Bash at the Beach, 12 July in San Diego. Let us take you back to THUNDER! where Diamond Dallas Page promises to drive from Salt Lake to Tampa - he left Wednesday night, so let's see...damn, they ARE driving slow. Page, in his phone call to THUNDER! Wednesday, promised "a surprise" Monday - wait, that's today! The 18wheeler has "nothing but chairs" in it. Page neglects to mention whether or not he's joining the Wolfpack (thought I'd forget, didn'tcha?) Commentators continue to talk, and we see ANOTHER shot of the truck driving down the freeway, complete with motorcade. From here, we cut to a shot of NWO HOLLYWOOD in the back dressing room, arming themselves with chains and crowbars - presumably for the truck, and not for Malone and Page.

"Earlier today" fan interview - kids say the darndest things.

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, America (ha!) Online, Push Pops, and David Sunflower Seeds.

Gene-O brings out STEVIE RAY. "You know Gene, everybody knows that I have a problem with that pipsqueak Chris Benoit and that ex-football-playin', no-rasslin' partner of his...what I want to do, everybody knows I can beat them one-on-one anytime I want to, but my brother wants a tag team match, the diplomatic way." Stevie Ray says "my brother goes along with everything that I do," and Harlem Heat wants a tag match with the Not-Horsemen. Hmmm, you think Booker T. and Stevie Ray aren't getting along?

LITTLE DRAGON v. EDDIE GUERRERO (looking over his shoulder) - Two people have "Come on little trooper" signs. Eddie looks under the ring, just in case. "Eddie sucks" chant is hurting poor Eddie's ears. Commentators want to know what's in the trailer of the eighteen-wheeler. Dragon pretty much has his way to start, culminating in a somersault/backflip back elbow in the corner, but Eddie comes back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Side suplex as the "Chavo" chant starts up. Eddie does his slingshot diving headbutt(tm). Chop (woooo!), European uppercut and Dragon is down. Whip into the ropes, leapfrog but high knee takes Little Dragon down again. Eddie with a brainbuster. And he's STILL looking around. Finally, he climbs the ropes, which must mean it's time for PSYCHO CHAVO to come out, with a mic and a hobby horse (named "Pepe" after Mongo's dog, no doubt). Chavo says "little trooper" a lot. "You'll have to excuse me - I'm feeling a little horse." Ha! Anyway, Eddie grabs the horse - after some tug-o-war, Eddie gets it - and falls into a Dragon schoolboy. 1, 2, 3 (4:22). Little Dragon's music sounds like it was used for thinking music in Match Game '74. Chavo goes on about his horse, gets it back, and Eddie finally gets mad enough to chase Chavo back to the back.

In a locker room, CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO convinces ULTIMO DRAGON to take on Dean Malenko tonight - if he can beat Malenko, Jericho will give him a Cruiserweight title shot on THUNDER!

Gene-O narrates the Starburst Fruit Chews Pin on a Map Road Report. Columbus is Thursday's site of THUNDER!

Ad for next week's Nitro hypes Rodman and Malone. Gee, does that mean we WON'T see it THIS week?

They're making good use of the chopper - nice shot of the Tampa skyline. Somewhere down there, there is an 18-wheeler.

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls - and they're ... WALKING! Through the crowd. Larry makes an incredibly sexist comment but apprently it's ok.

This week's Nitro Party Pack winners are from San Francisco, where the foam goes straight to your brain. Tony has the audacity to threaten to sue the guy doing a lame Tony impersonation (which is hard to do, as Tony is already pretty lame).

JUDO SUWA & SUMO FUJI v. NO-SMOKIN' GIANT (with CurtRick HennigRude) in a Handicap Match - Hennig accompanies Giant because they're in a big tag team matchup at Bash at the Beach against Kevin Greene and United States Heavyweight Champion Goldberg. Oh, you knew this already? You wish I wouldn't repeat myself? I know that feeling listening to the commentators. Hennig shakes hands with Wade Boggs (in the front row). Double chokeslam, double pin (:47). The three NWO'ers do some more damage for kicks, then Hennig takes the mic and threatens Bad Things to happen to Kevin Greene and Goldberg. He then slings insults at Kevin Greene until Greene appears at the entrance. "You big dumb football player! You non-athlete! You jerk!" Wow, Hennig is a monster. Anyway, Greene runs to the ring - but only after we see GOLDBERG behind him. The ring clears out when Goldberg hits the ring. "Goldberg" chant starts. Greene does his crazy football dance. Now I know it's controversial of me to say, but I don't actually SEE anybody saying "Goldberg" in time with the chant. Replay of the "match."

Fan interviews "Earlier Today" - another kid.

Get wired with wcwwrestling.com!

THUNDER! ad.

Diamond Dallas Page Diamond Cutter T-shirt ad. Bang!

In just a few moments, we're going to get the arrival of an eighteen-wheeler with Page and Malone in it. Stay tuned. After reminding us of this, the Treacherous Three talk about Greene and Goldberg's bond as friends, and as a tag team. Nobody seems to mind that it's a rookie and a football player against a veteran and a Giant - oh, yeah, I guess Greene and Goldberg are WCW, that must be why.

Fortunately, this nonsense is cut short with some *other* nonsense. The smell of Voodoo Chili rises into the air - and out comes YOU KNOW WHO, wearing a chain. He is accompanied by CRACKA EAZY-E and that's it. This interview is incredibly long and is only notable for three things: 1) He refers to Dennis Rodman as "Black Jesus" (no really, he did), 2) He mistakenly refers to Page as "DDT" and 3) the mysterious reemergence of the white ooze that seeps from Hogan's pits, long missing from a Hogan interview. Anything less would be uncivilized!

Let's take another look outside. I wonder how much traffic that motorcade is blocking. They're still not here, by the way. We're done with the first hour (or so)!

TV-PG-DV brings you this lovely pyrotechnic display.

BRITISH BULLDOG & JIM NIEDHART v. AD BREAK - holy cow, they're still in WCW!

Ad for Malone and Rodman showing up next week on Nitro. Oh yeah, Hogan gave Rodman "the night off." Har.

BRITISH BULLDOG & JIM NIEDHART v. (THIS IS) STING & THE NARCISSIST - Luger & Sting have the same hairdo this week. Did the Anvil change his hair colour? Niedhart (why do they spell it that way?) and Luger start. Lockup after a full minute of stalling. Yikes. Kidney punches by Niedhart to break the lockup, whip, reverse, Luger runs him over and gives a big clothesline, and Jim's out. More stalling. Back in, tag to Davey Boy Smith. Luger consults with the crowd and tags Muta - err, Sting. Lockup, Smith shoves Sting. Lockup, Headlock by Sting, Smith picks up Sting but Sting holds on. Power out, Sting shoulderblocks down. Dueling hiptoss attempts, Sting wins. Smith is out, and swears (censor caught it with a mute). Smith & Niedhart talk it over for a while. We're four minutes in and I have literally transcribed EVERY move in this match. Sting asks for a test of strength, but Smith wants Luger. Tag to Luger. Smith backs up. Luger with a big pose. And one more. And now we're FIVE minutes in and there's a tag to the Anvil. "What's he flexin', his beard?" says Larry as Anvil flexes his - err - beard. Tag to Sting. They're nose to nose now. Shove by Anvil, Sting runs back with a lariat. And NOW we have that test of strength. Anvil wins it, but when the hands are on the canvas, it's Sting who stomps on his opponent's hands. Tag to Luger, but Anvil pushes him to his own corner. Then Anvil distracts the ref by taunting Sting so the Bulldog can choke out Luger in the corner. Anvil puts Luger's throat on the middle rope. Whip into the ropes, Luger with a big duck, but there's a big double clothesline and both men are down. Tag to Smith - tag to Sting. Iblockyou'repunchyoudon'tblockmine. Sting is a house on fire. Atomic drop, 2, 3. Whip into the corner, Stinger splash - Luger is in to paste Niedhart for good measure. Smith tries a face rake, but Sting still hits a Scorpion Death Drop for the pin. (8:03) Sting makes the funny ears hand symbol.

"Earlier today" another fan has another opinion. He also says "Bang!"

(perry) SATURN v. (ron "reis") REESE (with Lodi) - let's look at Lodi's signs this match. "SATURN U SHOULDA STAYED" - good spelling. "LODI IS A CHUBBY CHASER" - whoa, didn't need to know THAT. "REESE GARGOYLE KILLER" - well, maybe for the first two minutes of this match. Saturn with some kicks to take control, superkick for Lodi, and a Spicolli Driver for the pin. (2:27) I think Saturn actually does more to Riggs after the match than he does to Reese DURING the match. Horace, Sick Boy, Kidman are all out to play the numbers, and the numbers win. Raven's in with some words of wisdom. "Saturn, it's time you started taking responsibility for your life. It's your fault as a child that you were unpopular. It's your fault as a child that you were poor. It's your fault as a child that your dad used to beat you. And it's your fault that our friendship is over. Friendship is a two-way street. And I gave. And I gave. And I gave. And all you ever did was take. So take this!" Evenflow DDT. "[Quoth] the Raven, nevermore." Good night for Raven tonight, eh?

The Treacherous Three talk about Greene and Goldberg again, just for kicks. Let us take you back to last week's Monday Nitro, and relive Kevin Greene's disastrous interview, Hennig's dull retort, Giant's fairly clever run-in and beatdown. Last week I failed to make any main event jokes about "Greene/Giant" (ho-ho-ho) so now I'm applying retroactive creativity. Besides, that main event was enough of a joke itself, as clips demonstrate. And there's Goldberg again. And there's Greene making the challenge again.

There's another shot of the motorcade driving down a freeway. You think, just maybe, it will take them until the *end of the show* to make it?

The WCW Power Plant - it's the Harvard of Professional Wrestling, you know.

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! And they're wearing WONDERBRAS!

Bobby Heenan takes the third commentary slot while Tony unleashes an urgent plea for Nitro Party tapes. I should tape three hours of me at a keyboard, drinking Slurpees and eating microwave burritos, and see if I win.

EL VAMPIRO (canadianse) v. BRAD ARMSTRONG "CURSE" - Mike Tenay introduces us to the Mexican superstar with a lot of talk. Heenan: "I know nothing about this man!" Schiavone, knowing nothing about Vampiro, talks about Brad Armstrong instead. Vamp wins with a Michinoku Driver - err, a move that he calls "the Nail in the Coffin" for the pin (2:22).

Let's take a special video look at the big tag team match headlining Bash at the Beach.

A band is playing. A graphic says "nWo LATE HOUR STILL TO COME" with pictures of Bischoff's mug flashing and alternating. A queasy feeling rises in my stomach - and we take an ad break.

Closed captioning (where available) is provided by The Money Store. Tell 'em Phil Rizzuto sent ya!

Another graphic - this one of Scott Steiner - another shot of the band. Tony tells us that my worst fears are confirmed: The NWO Late Hour skit will take place later tonight.

TOKYO MAGNUM & SHIMI NOBUNAGA v. DER DISCO INFERNO & DAS TANZEN WUNDERKIND ALEX WRIGHT - Inferno and Wright, dancing together. Who said white men can't dance? Magnum joins them. Then he removes his pants. Well, he was wearing trunks under them anyway. What is it tonight, "Ultimo Dragon protege spotlight night?" Tony accuses a holder of a "DISCO FAN CLUB" sign of being a PLANT of Inferno's. Ha! Commentators talk about Page and Malone (still on their way to the arena in an eighteen wheeler, by the way - stay tuned!) This match is surprisingly good and back and forth, but as you might expect, the Dancing Duo wins when Wright hits a neckbreaker on Nobunaga for the pin. (4:29) In retrospect, I should have given you a blow-by-blow - suffice to say the Japanese luchadors have what might be their best outing (for yet another loss). After the match, Inferno and Wright have a "discussion" about whose music should play after the match. The sound guy messes with their heads by repeatedly alternating the music that's playing over the PA. Ho ho ho.

Mike Tenay walks amongst the people - "Earlier Today" fan interviews have a kid saying "worth ekic", which is the highlight. Yes indeed, the excitement is palpable.

(el) ULTIMO DRAGON v. DEAN MALENKO - let us take you back to THUNDER! last Wednesday, where Dragon had the Dragon sleeper on Chris Jericho for a certain Cruiserweight title victory, but Dean Malenko rudely interferes in the match just because Jericho made a passing reference to Dean's dead father. If Dean adjusts his wristbands, take a drink! Arm wringer by Malenko to start, Dragon flips out and aplies one of his own, Malenko returns the favor. Fast flippy-flippy stuff, dueling dropkicks and both men are unscathed. Crowd (rightfully) applauds. Another quick succession of moves results in Dragon with a hammerlock. Tony is CALLING THE MATCH! Malenko with a hammerlock of his own, and he's dropping some knees to the back to boot. Cradle for 2. Leg takedown into a leglock, Malenko counters with a body scissors. Dragon with a - sitting figure four? Dean pounds out. Whip, reversal, Dragon does that head stand thing but Malenko waits and suplexes him. Whip intot ehr ropes, Dragon flips and does the martial arts kicks. Dragon gets the sleeper on but Malenko knees him in the head to break the hold. Small package for 2. Dragon with a cool move I've never seen before. More flipping, tiltawhirl backbreaker by Dragon. Chop by Dragon (woooo!) - Springboard back elbow. Tony says "18-wheeler." They're on the corner. Who will get control? Dean! Supergutbuster from the top rope! Oops, out comes CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO. Just before the Texas Cloverleaf can cause Dragon to tap out, Jericho says "Hey, isn't this where your FATHER is buried?" Oooh, that's BRUTAL. So Dean runs out after him. We take an ad break...

Oops, we forgot about the match. (COR 4:35) Dragon wins, so I guess he'll get that title shot on THUNDER!

Promotional consideration paid for by David sunflower seeds (2), Motel 6, and Hot Pockets.

Ad for next week's Nitro - Rodman AND Malone!

Hour three is underway with fireworks and the TV-PG-DV ratings box.

Let us take you back to THUNDER! where Chris Benoit and Arn Anderson have a heart-to-heart - at least, until Arn sees the camera is rolling. Benoit wants to keep the IV Horsemen alive, but Arn doesn't want any part of that. Gee, I wonder where RIC FLAIR fits into all this?

BOOKER T. & STEVIE RAY v. AD BREAK - well, I guess if WCW won't call them Harlem Heat anymore, then I won't either. Ah, nuts to that!

HARLEM HEAT v. CHRIS BENOIT & STEVE McMICHAEL - not enough room for "MONGO" in the graphic, I guess. They DO come out to McMichael's music this week. Benoit has new tights. Booker T. tries to talk to the Not-Horsemen before the match - Mongo ain't listenin'. Stevie Ray demands the tag and gets it. Benoit starts for his team. Lockup, to the corner, Benoit ducks out and kicks away. Stevie Ray absorbs it and delivers a lariat, taking Benoit down. To the corner and now Ray is pounding away. Chokehold for the 4 count. Benoit kicks back. Stevie Ray to the eyes. Bodyslam and tag to Booker T. "That's how you do it!" Oh boy, Booker T. and Chris Benoit are wrestling, I haven't seen THAT before. After a dragonscrew leg whip, Benoit tags McMichael, who works over the leg. Into the corner, punch, whip hard into the opposite corner. Whip into the opposite corner again but Mongo eats a boot following him. Tag to Stevie Ray, who prevents a tag to Benoit. They trade blows now. Snapmare and elbowdrop by Stevie Ray. McMichael fires back and whips him into the ropes, but Stevie Ray catches his boot and slams him. Tag to Booker T. Whip, duck, flying jalapeno and Mongo's down. Spinebuster ("sidewalk slam" sayeth Tony) for 2. Benoit breaks up the tag. In comes Stevie Ray. All four men fight. BRET HART is out, with a chair. As Booker T. comes off the ropes to deliver an axe kick, Hart chairs T. Benoit and Stevie Ray are fighting on the outside, the ref is trying to separate them...everyone misses it but Mongo, who covers Booker T. for the pin. (4:59)

Back to the locker room, Dragon and Jericho are arguing about the title match - Dragon thinks he gets it, but Jericho says he didn't beat him. Dean Malenko comes in and destroys Jericho - when Dragon tries to step in, Malenko destroys HIM too. Jericho runs away and Malenko follows.

Here's a shot of the semi - it's apparently in downtown Tampa now. Gee, I hope they make it!

Another Bash at the Beach ad - Malone and Rodman are in the main event, have you heard?

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the ERIC BISCHOFF show!" Just for a switch, let me write this paragraph as if I meant the exact opposite of everything I typed. This, by far, was the finest segment of televised professional wrestling I have ever witnessed in my many years of watching televised professional wreslting. The talk show set certainly wasn't cheesy at all. It was a total surprise to me that SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER was the guest. Steiner's biceps look *totally* natural. And that vein certainly doesn't look disgusting. Steiner's comments regarding Rodman and Malone are insightful and interesting. To be fair, I have to say that mentioning Rogaine commercials isn't good for a laugh. I can't wait to find out what Steiner's big surprise is for next week! Knowing that there will be another segment like this next week makes me the happiest man alive. I was spellbound, RIVETED to the television for the better part of nine minutes while this outstanding display of fine wrestling action took place. And, dare I say, the only other segment that moved me more was probably back when they had "NWO Monday Nitro."

Hey, you want to have fun next time this comes on? Watch it with closed-captioning. Those people don't get to go back and edit THEIR typing errors! Ha!

Hmmm, I wonder where that eighteen wheeler is. Well, I don't get to know. Gene-O brings out BOOKER T., who waffles on the subject of his brother and cuts straight to Bret Hart "In Buffalo, you whacked me upside my head, I let it go. Tonight you whacked me upside my head again, ok, sucka, to me you ain't nuthin' but a sissi-fied punk, you know what I mean?" STEVIE RAY comes out to interrupt, but T. delivers a challenge to Hart. Stevie thinks Booker T. should just go back and take him out 110th street style, now can you dig it. They continue their meeting of the minds until BRET HART comes out. "Hey, you wanna AXE me a question? Go ahead and AXE me a quesiton." T. says he'll put up the TV title (but with no mic we don't hear it) - Hart says it doesn't matter, he'll take the match, and oh by the way, he's the best technical wrestler in the history of wrestling. Booker T. wants to talk to Gene, but Stevie Ray wants to argue some more. "Why don't you put your tie and seersucker pants back on?"

Backstage in the NWO Hollywood dressing room, Hogan and Bischoff talk. Hogan says they're not gonna show and he's unhappy about it. Hey, if they don't show, I'LL be unhappy about it. All that hype gone to waste...

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Starburst Fruit Chews! Be better than Tony Schiavone, and Chew a Clue!

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! I guess it's WHISPER's solo dance. Well, it wasn't really dancing - she kinda walked around and straddled a chair.

Glacier's entrance starts - and stops.

Oops, we forgot that MICHAEL BUFFER is on hand to introduce this match! Do you think Buffer wakes up, looks at himself in the mirror and says "How did I end up introducing Glacier?"

(bill "104-0") GOLDBERG v. (#1 Contender) GLACIER for the WCW United States Heavyweight Championship - Heenan fails to pay attention and says "Da man!" when Glacier comes out. "And that ain't him. That's Glacier!" Oh, well, that's ok, then. You're forgiven, Bobby. I think Glacier is the last guy to still get special treatment for his graphic ("Glacier" outlined in blue) now that Giant is back to normal. Let's see what else can I talk about while waiting for this match to start. Buffer turns Glacier into three syllables (Guuuuuh-la-shurrrrrr!") "GOLDBERG CAN'T SELL" sign in the crowd. Glacier gets a couple of nice kicks and martial arts legsweeps, but this IS a Goldberg match after all. Tony tells us the truck has FINALLY pulled up. Tony then tells us that he was wrong, the truck is CLOSE. Anyway, spear jackhammer you've seen it before. This match is extra special, because it's exactly as long as Goldberg's entrance. (entrance 2:15, match 2:15)

This would be a good time to hawk Goldberg shirts!

Next Monday - Rodman - Malone - Nitro! Hey, maybe we'll see at least one of them THIS week before I get any more annoyed?

The Awesome 3 tell us the arrival of that Eighteen Wheel Big Rig Semi Convoy Motorcade Et Cetera is *imminent*! The NWO theme plays up and out come Hogan and Bischoff one more time. Hogan talks loud and says nothing - AGAIN - and boy, 12 July can't come soon enough. We cut to a shot of the Big Ass Truck pulling up outside the building. The NWO is waiting. Suddenly, for no REAL good reason - they all run away from the truck. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE exits the truck with two chairs - one he hands to KARL MALONE who was apparently driving. (?) - we see them walk to the ring. So what's the big surprise? Each of them has one chair? What happened to the truck FULL of chairs? Trash starts to fill the ring... Hogan pushes Bischoff into Page! Page tosses Eazy-E out of the ring and now Hogan is alone (hey, where'd them NWO guys go?). Malone can't help but have a goofy smile on his face. Hogan and Malone are going to go at it. Lockup! Malone with a bodyslam! Page is jacked for that. Malone with a WEAK clothesline (about gut-level) which Hogan sells like a ton of bricks hit him. Malone hits another WEAK clothesline, and Hogan dutifully falls out of the ring as if dead. Finally, the NWO is out to rescue Hogan. Trash continues to fill up the ring even though the good guys are the only ones in it. Page: "Hey Hogan, you've just been SLAM-DUNKED!" Page calls Rodman "Denise" and "Hollywood's girlfriend." They promise to leave their invitation to Rodman open for next week (Wow, they must have seen all the ads for next week's Nitro! Maybe Malone's got a TV in the cab of his truck. Malone and Page do a buddy-buddy thing. Malone: "I want to say to Rodzilla - at Bash at the Beach - size DOES MATTER." Page does a Bischoff imitation and mouths along. "You gotta special delivery for him?" "It kinda look like this right here, DDP." and he makes the Diamond Cutter sign. "That looks like it hurts." "Oh, it hurts, yes it do. If he want some - COME - GET - SOME!" Page says some other stuff, and yes, it ends with "feel....the.....BANG!"

And we're out.

What was the surprise?

That Hall wasn't there?

How about Nash?

Ric Flair? (Well, that wasn't a surprise.)

Hey, how about Rey Mysterio Jr., fer cryin' out loud? What's it been, four weeks since he was promised to us?

Well, maybe next week.

Let's just hope that Ultimate Warrior guy doesn't show...