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WCW Nitro |
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MainBLAH |
Two weeks ago, to commemorate the new TNT split feed which forced me to
choose between RAW and Nitro at 9PM, I included about a hundred linefeeds
in my 6 July Nitro report, giving the impression that I simply stopped
watching the show an hour in and turned to RAW. I had no idea that not
only would this actually FOOL some of you, but that you'd get really
pissed off about it and complain to MiCasa, who would put it in his
Mailroom. Fortunately, it's only one letter, and Mike made it the last
one, and it's gone by NOW, so maybe none of you read it...except *I* read
it, and gosh, that just... What was my point? Umm, shame on you if you
REALLY thought I ended the report after the first hour. Learn to scroll.
Yeah. Besides, it's all good clean fun. I know I'm not Hyatte, but I
have my moments... DISCLAIMER: I am BIASED. Last week, the cruel fates teased us by showing Hall and Nash exchanging Wolfpack signs, before Hall turned on Nash, again. Here's a scene from last week's Nitro demonstrating what I'm talking about. WCW Monday Nitro is on the air! LIVE via tape 20.7.98, it's rated TV-PG-DV and closed captioned for the hearing impaired (eh?). Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! We're at the E Center in Salt Lake City, Utah, where thousands of rowdy fans dropped some E to come enjoy a little WCW action. Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and thelivinglegendlarry Zbyszko. Tony promises heap big fun tonight on the big show, and we IMMEDIATELY hit the NWO theme because GOD forbid we start a wrestling show with some wrestling. It's SCOTT HALL come to chuck some toothpicks at the camera - I remember one week the camera actually STAGGERED from the force of the toothpick toss. That doesn't happen this week. Many allusions to last week's interview Tenay taped with Kevin Nash following Nitro and airing on THUNDER! (probably to put Kevin Nash on Thursday without him actually setting foot in Oakland, tsk tsk) - Hall's ready to speak. "Hey yo." Why am I transcribing this again? "There's no reason for a survey tonight because EVERYBODY in Salt Lake came to see the..." crowd forgets to chant "NWO" which must piss SOMEBODY off (I thought it was funny). Hall refers to the "sad saga of Kevin Nash losin' his little buddy. You know Kev, Gilligan, he got real tired of sleepin' in the top bunk while the Skipper laid on his back while I did all the work." Huh? Well, anyway, Hall says Nash isn't even a MAN - he's embarrassing, Nash is. "You're not HALF the man Hollywood Hogan! Hey, say what you want about Hogan, love him or hate him, at least Hollywood Hogan is a MAN. And in closing [get the hook!] everybody knows that the NWO Black & White is just too..." crowd weakly says "sweeeeeet" and we hit the music. We get our first shot of the Treacherous Three, which means we get our first shot of Zbyszko's keister as he gets up to sucker the fans into chanting his name. The Championship Committee has finally decided that there will be a United States Heavyweight Championship bout tonight - Bret Hart vs. Diamond Dallas Page. So, that means Goldberg will never, EVER, drop the WCW title. Well, in my opinion. Let's Take You Back To last week on Nitro where Hogan threatens Goldberg, takes Hall to task, challenges Hall to a match, Hall accepts, Hogan forces Bischoff to be the referee, Bischoff DESPERATELY tries to not move his lips while Hogan's talking, Hall and Hogan fight until Diamond Dallas Page comes in to beat up Hogan, Disciple and Hogan get the better of Page, Nash comes in to make the save, Nash and Hall make that sign - hey wait, this is the clip they've already shown to open the show! Hey wait, I saw all these clips LIVE LAST WEEK! Oh yeah, and Hogan and Hall hug. Isn't that nice. They're MEN! STEVIE RAY v. #8 CONTENDER JOHNNY BOONE (no music, no entrance) - Stevie talks to the camera on his way to the ring - he gave the World's Television title back to Booker T. and his attorney while they clear up the paperwork regarding that power of attorney thing we've heard so much about. Boone, marking the much heralded return of jobbers to Monday Nitro, is awful - Stevie hits a big kick on Boone's HAND, and Boone still LEAPS from the apron to the barricade as if hit in the chest. Sigh. Anyway, that power of attorney thing turns out to be total fabrication, as PSYCHO CHAVO MASK OF ZORRO rides out on Pepe, carrying the TV title belt in tow, saying Stevie forgot it and he was just bringing it out to be helpful. Slapjack for the pin (2:01) and Stevie chases away Chavo, who drops the belt on his way out. Stevie picks it up - then hides it behind his back, so we don't see it. Good thinkin', brotha. Can you dig it. Let Us Take You Back to last week, where You Know Who tips Buff Bagwell's wheelchair like a cow. Just in case you wanted to see a little more of that, Let Us Take You Back to last week again, where we get an excerpt of Bagwell's interview, where Rick Steiner is called out, where Hogan bursts on the scene and offends everybody by running down "cripples," (actually, I can't believe they ran that part again) and for an encore tips the wheelchair like a cow. If you're wondering why we're seeing this again, well, here's Mean Gene Okerlund to bring out RICK STEINER, who *still* comes out to "Steinerline" - it's the story of two brothers, you know. The sling is gone this week. Rick has words for his brother, culminating in a challenge to Scotty at Road Wild, which would be 8 August. Rick sounds less stupid that he normally does, which is a good thing - let's hope they're finally gonna stop making Rick talk like an idiot in his interviews. This segment goes on for a couple hours and then finally BUFF BAGWELL is wheeled out again (cameo by WCW Trainer Danny Young as the pusher). Rick does everything short of apologising to Bagwell. Buff says that at first, he was really angry about what happened, but over time, he's found that his life has changed - he loves each and every fan out there in a totally different way. And finally, he loves Rick. Awww. They embrace, Buff rising out of the wheelchair - and just when you wondered if WCW was going to somehow turn this genuinely touching moment in something so tacky you ask yourself why you watch, well, here's SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER with a chair, and Rick goes down and Buff almost follows. While Bagwell staggers around, Scott turns to Rick again - Buff stands between them, shielding Rick - now he's gotten the chair - and now he's hitting Rick with the chair. Whoops, Bagwell was all right all along. He's up and fine, neck brace removed, shirt removed to reveal an NWO tee. Scott and Buff pose and then take another shot at Rick. Remember everything I said about WCW having class two weeks ago when they ran that really nice Buff Bagwell interview? Well, I take it all back. That sucks rocks. No, wait, I mean WHAT A SWERVE! THOSE WCW GUYS ARE GENIUSES! I never saw it coming, and that's what makes it so GREAT! Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Motel 6, America (ha!) Online, and Hot Pockets. Gene O. welcomes CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO, who makes up for that last segment by calling Okerlund "Gene Mean." He goes on to describe his terrible mental anguish at the hands of Dean Malenko - describing everything he himself has done but saying that Dean's done it to him, "including disparaging my dead father." Nonetheless, Jericho says that he'll give Dean Malenko a "final" title shot next week in San Antonio. The Treacherous Three hype the upcoming US Title bout - Tony reminds us that that Champion is the #1 Contender to the World Title - but here's SCOTT HALL come to give us some more what for about Kevin Nash. In a neat move, Zbyszko catches the toothpick that Hall throws at him - ewww, he put it in his mouth - doesn't he know where it's been? Seeing Hall and Zbyszko almost brings to mind that WCW just might being giving us CONSISTENCY. We cut to a shot of the Parking Lot. A space marked with a star bearing "STAR OF THE SHOW" has a broken-down car run into the wall. Mean Gene narrates the Starburst Fruit Chews Pin on a Map Road Report - San Antonio, Tejas and the Alamodome will host Nitro next Monday! Mike Tenay calls the E Center "the house that Goldberg built" - that would make him REAL tired... SICK BOY (with Lodi) v. STEVE "MONGO" McMICHAEL - Tony rejoins the team - I guess somebody's let him know what the car's all about - because he keeps TALKING about it now. Apparently, this is a parody of Jay Leno, who has a similar parking space on the Tonight Show. I guess...I don't watch it. Apparently, all three commentators watch the show religiously. My stomach gives a sympathetic pang as I realise I'll probably be subject to another "NWO Late Hour" tonight. Oh yeah, there's a match going on. McMichael hits the Endzone Spike (Tombstone Piledriver) for the pin (1:29). Let Us Take You Back to THUNDER!, where Dean Malenko gives a heart-to-heart to Arn Anderson. I'll never forget this interview, at least until it's in my interests and serves the story for me to do so. Arn gets angry and shows off his surgery scars, and implores Malenko, McMichael and Benoit to "just let it be." Oh boy, Bischoff is NEXT! Time to make my own pizza! WHO'S NEXT - to buy a Goldberg T-shirt? Thanks so much to Mug root beer, where the foam goes straight to your brain, for sponsoring the Nitro Party video contest. Those high schoolers are COOL. NWO NIGHTCAP - Bischoff is telling jokes this week. To a laugh track. About four minutes in, Tony pipes up and says that these jokes are stolen from Leno's show. I have to admit, I was busy going out and having a life Friday night and missed to show, so I have no idea. Well, all right, I wasn't REALLY having a life. I was playing miniature golf. That's pretty close, though. Didn't break par. Liz looks good, though - she must have cut herself shaving, though - she has a band-aid on one knee. Eric can ONLY get away with this in Mormonland, though - anywhere else he'd be pelted with garbage, WCW style. Bischoff makes a couple chin jokes directed at Jay Leno. Around this time, RAW is starting, gee I wonder if anybody else is thinking about switching channels. Good Lord, Bischoff has promised that this will spill over into NEXT segment when Hollywood will be out. If you're keeping score at home, this has already eaten up 7.5 minutes. Travis Tritt will see you in Sturgis! At WCW Road Wild! Get wired at www.wcwwrestling.com! Wrestling in the first hour: 3:30. It's time for the second hour of Nitro! It's rated TV-PG-DV. Hmm, we didn't go back to Bischoff. Thank heaven for small mercies. Let us take you back to THUNDER! and that interview everyone's talking about. Kevin Nash drops the pretense and expresses some worry for his "best friend," Scott Hall. This interview cuts short with "technical difficulties," which of course is SCOTT HALL back at the production truck ripping the tape out of the machine. Fortunately, a camera is back there and we see Hall throwing the tape at KEVIN NASH. They decide to take it outside, and Hall runs to a nearby RV, which contains CURTRICK HENNIGRUDE, BOOTY DISCIPLE, VINCENZO, and SCOTT NORTON. Wow, here's the WOLFPACK come to make the save. Now let's cut this action short and go back to the Treacherous Three - no wait, there's BRET "EGGMAN" HART at the commentary table. He wants his US Title Shot NOW - he wants to kick DDP's "butt" - now we cut to backstage where KONNAN is standing over a fallen DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE and yelling for "Arsenio?" Well, somebody named "Coach." Hart says "Oh, he's fine - get his ass out to the ring!" So apparently, somebody hit Page from behind. Konnan is screaming at trainer Danny Young, who apparently is "Coach." Or something. Did somebody paint a giant bullseye on the commentary desk? What now? Well, it's Bret Hart standing in the ring. J. J. DILLON is out - after deciding against speaking at the commentary table, *he* walks to the ring. Maybe he'll take Page's place in that big US Title bout! Well, I'm smelling a screwjob, but let's reserve judgement. One censored something later, I guess they've rescheduled the match for later in the show. Say, what's happening outside? I guess nothin'. Hmmm, I guess the timing was JUST off enough. All this excitement probably should have happened BEFORE RAW, not just AFTER it started... WCW invades San Antonio for Nitro, Beaumont, Baton Rouge, and Alexandria this week and next! Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago, where Nash and Hall have a gentleman's disagreement...and then things turn ugly. YUJI NAGATA (with Sonny Onoo) v. (perry) SATURN - Larry accuses Onoo of getting his new suit from Austin Powers. I believe this is the THIRD match of the evening! Lockup, Saturn with a wristlock, reversal, reversal, Saturn with a headlock, to the ropes, power out, hiptoss attempt blocked, duck under, takeover with a bridge for 2. Saturn to the arm, Nagata to the ropes. In the corner, Saturn with a right and some kicks to the head. Whip, reversal, Nagata with belly-to-belly with a release. Stomp. Nagata snaps the leg back. Leg twist, and another snap. Of course, Tony was handed a note so he can't call this. Saturn with a belly-to-belly release and both men get up slowly. Kick to the face by Nagata. 1, 2, no. Onoo argues. Gutwrench side suplex (?) by Nagata. Coming up next, tag team title match with Hall and Giant against Sting and Nash. Nagata with another stomp. To the corner, whip out, knee finds only turnbuckle. Saturn with an inside cradle for 2. Another unusual suplex variant by Saturn for 2. Nagata with a kick, another that Saturn ducks, superkick by Saturn, but Onoo has referee "Blind" Charles Robinson distracted - that means that when RAVEN comes out to hit the Evenflow, it goes unseen. The Nagatalock is academic - Saturn's out and can't tap, but his shoulders are down, so a pinfall is counted (4:32) - and now the FLOCK is out, which means that KANYON is out - wait, don't these guys hate each other? Well, we get to see a cool superpiledriver on Kidman off the second rope. Well, sure enough, after Kanyon picks up Saturn, he falls victim to a Spicolli Driver. "Kanyon, stay out of my business! Raven, I'm coming for YOU!" Let Us Take You Back to last week's Nitro, where Bret Hart chairs Rick Martel. Let's cut to THUNDER! where Hart mentions that every PPV opponent he's faced is out of action (Flair, Piper, Savage, Benoit) "He who controls the world controls your eyeballs" and by punking everybody, he can not only get our attention, but he'll get some respect around here. Look carefully for the skillful egg shot. Later on in THUNDER! Hart takes the chair to Juventud Guerrera, and slaps the Figure Four Round the Ringpost on Rey Mysterio, Jr. These shots establish that Bret Hart is now to be considered VICIOUS. Closed captioning where available sponsored by Compu$erve. It's like AOL but with Rush Limbaugh. Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! When the music says "Let me hear you say 'ho,'" does anyone else think that's insulting to those fine dancing ladies? Nitro Party address - Mug root beer - blah blah blah - and here's Bobby Heenan in the third chair. (THIS) IS STING & KEVIN NASH v. NO-SMOKIN' GIANT & SCOTT HALL for the WCW World Tag Team Championship - Nash grabs the mic, and the NWO music starts - somebody shuts if off so Nash can say "Wolfpack in the house" for the nice paying customers. (They DID pay to hear him say that, you know.) Hey, remember when Scott Hall made a CAREER out of staggering around like Frankenstein's monster to make FUN of the Giant? You know if Tony would SHUT UP every now and then, he wouldn't have to keep saying "catch your breath" every five seconds. Nash makes the "drinkin'" motion to Hall. A little revisionist history has the commentators fawning over the ex-Outsiders as "the greatest tag team EVER." Instead of Hall & Nash locking up, Hall tags the Giant. Lockup, to the corner, Giant kicks, whips, and follows with a clothesline. More punches in bunches by the Giant. Nash reverses another whip, and clotheslines him. Big kick and Giant goes down! Hall is in, now Sting is in - guess who wins. Yes, it's Sting. Heenan is busy doing his "makes no sense" Ed McMahon impersonation and howling. Giant and Hall confer on the outside while Nash climbs the ropes to acknowledge the crowd. And now - here's Muta-err, Sting and Hall in the ring. Lockup, shoulderblock, Sting with a clothesline and I guess now's as good a time for an ad break as any. Huh? I should point out that Sting's wearing black jeans and a WOlfpack tank top with his red boots and facepaint. Well, I don't HAVE to, but I thought it was worth mentioning. When we come back, Giant is outside, climbing the steps. Hall spits in Sting's face - and tags Giant. It's in Giant's contract that he has to enter and exit the ring by stepping over the top rope. Sting slaps the Giant. DDP injury update - he should wrestle later tonight. Sting's daring Giant to come at him - he charges and Stings moves aside - Giant hits the corner. Stinger splash! Another - no, he hits the boot flush. Giant with a right. Whip, duck, duck, crossbody block attempt meets an immovable object and Sting falls to the canvas. Head to the - lower abdomen - by Giant. Tag time? Oh yes. Hall with the hair ruffle and some stompin'. Whip against the ropes, Sting ducks, another crossbody block - that doesn't work, Sting. Fallaway slam. Hall with feet on the ropes - 1, 2, no. Commentators notice that Hall is wearing his "Wolfpac" tights, no doubt for psychological reasons - I have to wonder. Hall with the abdominal stretch, and of course when referee "Blind" Shooter Curtis isn't watching, Giant adds some much needed leverage. Finally caught, Hall ends up being hiptossed. Tag to Giant - tag to Nash. House afire segment by Nash. Big blows, knee to the gut, forearm to the head - as Giant falls out of the ring, he tags Hall. Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine by Hall. Hall tries to get control but eats a big boot. If there's a screwjob, it'll happen now. Powerbomb attempt coming up - her's the Giant with a sledge to the head. Sting is in with a kick, a Golotta and a bulldog from the middle rope. Now three men are down and Sting's...looking for a tag? Giant rolls out of the ring Tag to Sting. Hall is absorbing punches. Stinger splash finds the mark! Stinger splash again! And now the Sharpshooter is on! Giant's in, but Nash is taking care of him. And now BRET HART is in - probably to complain about his move being stolen. Sting shoves him out of the ring. Then climbs the ropes to lay down some smack - oops, forgot that Hall was behind me. Outsiders Edge from the middle rope - 1, 2, 3!!! Holy crap! Ladies and gentlemen, we have new tag team champions of the world! (8:10) Tony says "take a breath" again, I swear I'm gona kill him. Road Wild "Trouble" music video - does Travis Tritt look a little fruity to YOU? I mean, I know nothing about this kind of music, but there's something about that hair, that smile...well, he just doesn't look real tough and macho on that Hawg, if you catch my drift. We come back to the Awesome 3, and Tony says "take a breath" one more God-damn time. Bret Hart is receiving ALL the credit for there being new tag team champions from the three idiots. More talk about the US Title match tonight. More talk about Page being laid out the same time Hart demanded the match start. Let Us Take You Back to Earlier tonight (about forty minutes ago) in case you missed it ('cause, you know, you though watching McMahon talk was more interesting or something). Hart wants Page, but Page ain't gettin' up. They don't censor Hart saying "ass" this time, either. Tony says "I smell a conspiracy" - I'm smellin' something else. DISCO INFERNO & DAS TANZENKIND v. (the great) MUTA & MASA HIRO CHONO - No, I WON'T call them the Dancing Dodos. I just had a thought - why isn't Raven in a US Title match? Isn't he the most previous champ before Goldberg? Come to think of it, did he EVER get a return bout for that belt? This match see Muta hit a vicious dragonscrew legswhip and a legbar for the submission on Disco. (2:18) And then, for no good reason, SCOTT NORTON comes out to add a little more punishment on Wright and Disco. Muta does the cool facial and hand gestures, but doesn't give us any mist. Time of wrestling in third hour: 15:00 - better. Hour number three! Fireworks! Tony: "Can you believe we have yet another hour of all this to go?" No, Tone, I can't. You big luscious slice of apple pie. Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! Hey look, there's Danny Young come to remove Kimberly in order to make us wonder how serious DDP's injury might be. TOKYO MAGNUM (with Alex Wright dancing) v. ULTIMO DRAGON - Dragon attacks a dancing Magnum from behind - hey, that's no way to treat your student! This match is about 95% Dragon and concludes with a brainbuster and Dragon sleeper (2:28) I believe the commentators manage to call TWO moves this match. Heenan, for an encore, makes racist overtures during the Slim Jim replay. Travis Tritt will see you at Road Wild - AGAIN. Promotional consideration paid for by David sunflower seeds, Dan Marino's mortgage, Mead ***** School Supplies, and - whoops, that's it. Ahoy thar, matey - I be spyin' that thar Goldbarg shart! Arrrr! Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight. Hey, let's just repeat what I wrote about it the first time! "And now the Sharpshooter is on! Giant's in, but Nash is taking care of him. And now BRET HART is in - probably to complain about his move being stolen. Sting shoves him out of the ring. Then climbs the ropes to lay down some smack - oops, forgot that Hall was behind me. Outsiders Edge from the middle rope - 1, 2, 3!!! Holy crap! Ladies and gentlemen, we have new tag team champions of the world!" Mike Tenay JUST figured out that Sting had Hart's move on when he came out. JIM POWERS v. SCOTT NORTON (with Vincenzo) - hey Powers, welcome back. Have you met Scott Norton? (Samoan drop -> powerbomb -> pin 2:30) Tenay finally throws in the towel and calls it a "powerbomb," then suggests that he's sending a message to Kevin Nash. I doubt it. Let Us Take You Back to Eric Bischoff making fun of Jay Leno's chin. Hey, you don't think Bischoff and Leno would fight at the next pay-per-view, do you? Let's Take A Special Look at Hollywood Hogan. Oh, gee, do we have to? Sometimes I think I oughta stop making the Voodoo Chili joke because I get one to two letters a week from Hendrix fans who keep trying to correct me. But it SMELLS like Voodoo Chili! It SMELLS! Oh, and YOU KNOW WHO is out along with just about everybody in his NWO Hollywood - Giant is wearing a tag team belt (wow, that must be a BIG belt!) and Hall is playing his like a guitar. Roll call! Muta? Here. Chono? Here. Vincent? Present. Disciple? Natch. Oh, there's Bischoff. He's really really sorry that Karl Malone couldn't be here tonight, but here's the real Champion. Hogan does some of that "I'm a God" stuff and the Mormons chant "Hogan sucks" which seems pretty harsh for that kind of crowd. I wonder where Steiner, HennigRude, Bagwell, and Norton are. Hogan sucks up to Chono & Muta. Hogan's losing his voice again (not soon enough). Now he's running down Jay Leno. Hogan talks about Bret Hart just to remind us that there's some sort of connection. Hogan talks so long that even the Mormons are throwing drinks at the ring. Hogan says "too sweeeeeet." Gee guys, can you please play another clip from earlier in the show? Why sure, Let Us Take You Back To Earlier Tonight, and here's Eric with more Leno chin jokes. Let Us Take You Back to THUNDER! and the main event of Konnan & Page against HennigRude & Hall - outside the ring chicanery nets a Hennigplex pin for NWO Black'n'white. EDDIE GUERRERO v. KONNAN (with Antoine Carr) - I guess we had to have ONE member of the Utah Jazz tonight. Carr says "bowdy bowdy." Heenan confuses Carr with Isaac Hayes - hey, not bad. Quick show of hands: how many of YOU know who's going to win already? Hint: Probably the guy with the NBA player in his corner. Fortunately, to break it up, PSYCHO CHAVO MONDO BIZARRO comes out on Pepe, and dresses as Konnan, complete with low-rider pants, funky hat and plaids. "C-Dawg in this house! Yo yo little trooper, check it out baby!" Anyway, Chavo is up on the apron - Eddie tries to steal Pepe and whack Konnan with it, and just like that we have a DQ (4:27). Well, I take it back - Konnan still won but he didn't get to pin Eddie. Still, Eddie didn't get to do ANYTHING cool, so it was...eh. CURTRICK HENNIGRUDE v. THE NARCISSIST - you remember how Mr. Perfect disqualified Lex Luger out of the WWF Championship at WrestleMania X and then left the WWF before we got the payoff match? Let's just pretend it's 1994 all over again. On second thought ... Big lockup, big shove to the corner. Big lockup, Hennig to a waistlock, Luger with a big back elbow. Hennig pops up and another big lockup, Hennig with a knee and an elbow. Whip into the corner, big reversal, big hiptoss and Hennig leaves the ring. Rude advises Hennig on the outside until Luger gets bored - big hairpull to get him back in, but Hennig drops and Luger's throat hits the rope. Hennig with the field goal kicks on Luger. Kneelift and Luger goes down. Luger choked on the second rope. When referee "Blind" Charles Robinson takes umbrage, Hennig distracts him while Rude continues the choke behind his back. Snapmare by Hennig. "Hennig sucks" chant is loud and long. Back to the top rope and the choke. Chop (woooo!). Eyepoke, kick to the gut. Hennig with a whip into a sleeper. I keep waiting for that big pec flex which means Luger is coming back but it isn't happening. Luger finally fights back and turns it into a big suplex. Now both men are down. Both men up at 4. Hennig swings, Luger ducks. Big atomic drop by Luger! Repeat! Big clothesline! Repeat! Big pose! Big punch, big punch. Big whip, reversal, oops, Hennig hits Robinson. Big Ace toolbox elbow. Big signal for the rack. In comes Rude, who gets a big foot to the gut and a BIG RACK! Hennig with the double sledge to the back...and the HENNIGPLEX! Robinson groggily crawls over and counts - 1, 2, 3! Rude was holding Luger's foot, too. I don't care! Luger LOSES! Luger LOSES! CURT HENNIG IS NOW MY FAVOURITE WRESTLER! (5:25) Let Us Take You Back To Earlier Tonight - because there's an Eric Bischoff-delievered Jay Leno joke we have heard twice yet. Road Wild, and Travis Tritt and I'm outta gas. Good Lord, ANOTHER Road Wild ad. Shoot me now. Here's MICHAEL BUFFER - my clock shows ten to the hour. I wonder if we'll have this match...of course, Bret Hart comes out first because we're really milking this "How injured is DDP?" thing. And he comes out to his own music. Buffer cuts off his introduction of Page - later we get a "Please Stand By." We cut to a shot of the empty entrance way. This is RIVETING television. Well, Page is out, limping. The ribs are taped, AND they've taped his knee - but OVER his pants so that you KNOW he has a hurt knee. No music. Well, this should be short and sweet... BRET HART v. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE for the WCW United States Heavyweight Championship - Bret is methodical and diabolical. Schiavone says that Page is still dangerous because he has a pulse, and Tenay actually makes fun of Tony for saying that. Hart is all stomps, punches, elbows, every punch finding an injured area and wracking Page with pain. Crowd is chanting "DDP" but the fans can't help you now, Page! Hart is raking the face for good measure. Side Russian legsweep by Hart. Legdrop. And now it's time for the Scorpion Deathlock. Page is desperately trying to reach the ropes - and he does! Hart stomps on his head after springing off the bottom rope. And here's the Scorpion Deathlock again. Page tries to stave off the attempt but fails. Schiavone openly roots for Page and he is a bastard. Mark Curtis calls for the bell. Ladies and gentlemen, Bret Hart is the NEW United States Champion (2:50). "Let go of the hold! Let go of that hold! Jerk!" No Tony, YOU'RE the jerk. You rat bastard. Shut up and let me enjoy the bad guy getting the belt he so rightfully deserves. NWO HOLLYWOOD is out to celebrate - so are the EMT's. Hall actually takes a cheap shot at Page's back as he is wheeled out. EVERYBODY is out for Hart (except Scott Steiner). We see Page get wheeled out, and into an ambulance. We'll get an update on Page on Saturday Night - I'll probably just wait until next Monday's Nitro. As NWO Hollywood displays their three new belts, Hart, Giant, Hall and Hogan are all smiles - we fade out. CRZ [slash] wrestling |
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