/28 September 1998
We open the big show with a TV-PG-DV ratings box and a black'n'white
clipfest of the Warrior ranting about closed-captioned logos and just in
case you needed to be reminded of how exactly this anlge has just gotten
lamer and lamer, all you need to do is watch this bit.
LIVE from the Blue Cross Arena at the War Memorial in Rochester, NY, it's WCW Monday Nitro! for 28.9.98. Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! These moves look too tough for Whisper, which must be why she's not out for this dance. Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and thelivinglegend Larry Zbyszko, who's job is to bob his head around until the fans cry "Larry." Much is said about the Disciple's defection of the NWO to join the OWN, as if I care.
Do you smell Voodoo Chili? Why, what better way to open the show than with CRACKA EAZY-E leading the way for YOU KNOW WHO - much as RAW doesn't officially start without an appearance from Mr. McMahon, so to can Nitro not bother to begin until we see Bischoff and Hogan to impart some words of wisdom. Here also are SCOTT HALL and BRIAN ADAMS. That's a GREAT giant-sized picture of McMahon in the front row, which is promptly confiscated. Bischoff thanks the fans for their money, then hands the mic over to Hollywood, who runs down Rochester, reminds us that he's the man who made wrestling, lays out his plan for putting the belt back around his waist, and THEN goes into a lengthy diatribe about being in the 'hood, where they call him "'wood," and I don't know WHAT the hell he's talking about. Look carefully and you can see Bischoff's lips moving along, until he's smart enough to get out of the shot. And I'll NEVER call Hogan "Woody," I promise you that. On the plus side, Hall doesn't look loaded - yet. Oh, Hogan wants Sting and Hart - he doesn't care which.
Opening credits, at their standard time of eleven past the hour.
DISCLAIMER: I have a SCREAMING headache, yes I do. So LAY OFF!
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by 1-800-KOLLEKT!
LA PARKA (with Chair and super cool bullfighter outfit) v. SUPER CALO (with hat that never comes off) - Yeah! Two of my favourites return. Park throws his sombrero at Calo, then does his cool dance, so Calo decks him. These two have issues from many moons ago, but no one remembers. Calo with some more rights. Whip, reverse, flip, Park with a high kick and a kick in a sensitive area for 2. Parka with a whip into the corner and a follow lariat. Wagglin' the knees, whip to the opposite corner but Calo puts a boot up. Park tries again and eats another boot. His third rush ends with a drop toehold to the turnbuckle. Calo is say on the top turnbuckle but gets his face slammed to the mat. Calo with a huracanrana! leapfrog by Calo but a kick by Parka. Calo steps aside and Parka dives into the post. Calo climbs the ropes as Parka is outside - UNA PLANCHA! Thrown back in, Calo to the top, but his crossbody attempt meets a dropkick from Parka. 1, 2, no. La Parka ties him to the tree of Woe and hits a spinning heel kick to an unfriendly area for 2. Calo gets a kick but Parka hits a chop and Calo falls to the mat. Bodyslam by La Parka. He's climbing the ropes...posing to the crowd...and meets some boots with his jaw. Calo with the chops (woooo!) - set on the top rope, Calo to the top rope, Parka knocks him off - back up, Calo drops Parka's leg on the top rope. Parka's still on the top turnbuckle - Calo with a spring to the top, springboard to the other rope, 'rana for 2! Too cool. Calo tries the Ultimo Dragon headstand into the 'rana. Trying it again, La Parka snaps him to the mat, powerbomb style. To the top - corkscrew moonsault! 1, 2, 3! (5:35) - a nice match. Super Calo grabs the chair and waffles La Parka with it as we fade out. You know what would have REALLY made this match great? If we saw it instead of, say, a Hogan interview!
GENE O. is out and brings out BRET HART to a rather formidable ovation - his limping appears to be over for now. Hart says that he's waited a lifetime for a shot at Hogan, and bad knee or no bad knee, he'll make Hogan pay. He's talked it over with Sting, and Sting's let him have the shot. All Hart wants is one more chance with the fans, and he's gonna kick the living crap out of Hogan. Well, there's your main event.
BOOTY DISCIPLE v. SICK BOY - If Disciple is OWN, why's he comin' out to the NWO music, please tell me that. Sick Boy attacks from behind while Disciple shows off his ultra-cool OWN vest. Something is muted at this point while I note a "Hyatte is RODZ" sign. Gee whiz, *I* never get signs. I guess it's too hard to spell "CRZ." Not that I'm bitter. Just, well, you know, I actually gave you REPORTS last week and Hyatte...well anyway. Let's see, where were we. Sick Boy is still Sick Boy, and now that Disciple is OWN he has to no-sell and pretend he's the Warrior, so I guess there's really no point in blow-by-blow here. He's still using the Stone Cold Apocalypse as his finisher, though, I'll give you that. (2:00) Disciple yells out "Haa-waa" afterwards, which I guess is "Hollywood." This replay is brought to you by 1-800-KOLLEKT.
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Motel 6 7/8, You Don't Know Jack (table version), America (ha!) Online, and Tootsie Treats.
The Treacherous Three talk about the buzz that's suddenly buzzed up from nothing after the buzzful announcement of buzzy Hollywood Hogan vs. Bret "Buzz" Hart. Idiot fans chant "Larry."
Let Us Take You Back to Road Wild and Fall Brawl, where Buff and Scott waste valuable Pay-Per-View time with what just may be considered the most tasteless, injury-exploitative angle we've seen come down the pike in a long while. Or maybe not, I have a short memory. I do remember that when I watched Fall Brawl, I didn't think for one minute that Buff was REALLY injured, and I ended up really pissed that they took 15 minutes to finally take care of this whole fake injury thing. But I'm bitter and biased, and I MUST remind you of that.
The Treacherous Three talk about the upcoming "no DQ" match between the Steiner brothers, and later tonight we have Goldberg vs. Jericho. Tony reminds us that this could very well be one of the biggest Nitros in many months! Larry continues to swivel his head in such a way as to encourage his name be cheered. Come on Larry, that's ENOUGH.
Gene O. narrates the Starburst Fruit Chews Pin on a Map Road Report - Columbia will be the site of next Monday's Nitro.
This week's winning Nitro Party video is lame beyond belief. That's why it won!
Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! With those camoflauge pants - my God - I CAN'T SEE THEIR LEGS!
SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER v. NICK DINSMORE & LENNY LANE in a Handicap Match - Even the commentators know that this match will suck beyond belief, so they talk about Hogan/Hart (to take place later tonight LIVE on NITRO!), and I gotta tellya, if they talk about this any more, I'm gonna have to pull out "I can SMELL the screwjob!" one more week. We are blessed with Scott mumbling through an interview before the match. I've seen Dinsmore four times in the past week and I still have to ask who the hell he is. I saw Lenny Lane on World Wide - you could tell how long ago they taped it because he still had his "Ab Solution." Buff cheats, like Big Poppa Pump needed the help. Bagwell puts his hat on Lane's head and says "you know, he's actually pretty good looking!" since Buff's picture is on top of the hat. Then he removes the hat and says "oh, no he's not." That's all I can get out of this match. Incredibly lame Double Steiner Recliner means it's FINALLY over. (2:33) For an encore, Steiner holds his lower back right after the match - the commentators, for the first time I can remember, don't believe that he's actually injured. Trainer DANNY YOUNG makes a cameo and it's time for a break (Hogan/Hart later tonight!)
From the depths of Hell, it's Halloween Havoc 25 October! Brought to you by the Devil's dung - SNICKERS!
Jerichoholics Anonymous T-shirt ad.
Hour Two FIREWORKS! at 52 past.
The lights dim, the music plays, a familiar voice says something I still cannot comprehend, and in the entryway appears MR. DESTRUCITY. Yes, friends, another electrifying entrance from the Warrior, as he - he - SLOWLY WALKS to the ring. Didn't this guy useta *run* to the ring, or am I just losing my memory in my old age? He does bang his head once he's on the apron, anyway. *That* is apparently enough to make him start breathing like Ice Train. "Speak to me, Waryrs!" Now I know better, but I'll transcribe it anyway - he IS the Warrior. "Hogan! I know who you are, and I know who I am, and these Waryrs know what they want to SEEEEE! At WarGames, you brought nothing but disappointment, and I tell you Waryrs that I sense that disappoint and I say to you - that I have a message for you, Hogan, and that message goes like this. Since my return, you have brought nothing before me except a pittance of the man I once knew. You have - [fan attempts to enter the ring] - that, Hogan, is disappointment, that Hogan, is a lost Waryr, because you have not faced the Challenge - the Ultimate Challenge. The thing that scares you the most when you see me, Hogan, is that you see a small piece of what you used to be. I refuse to make myself less than what I am until you, Hogan, find who you need to be at Halloween Havoc. I will become full blown (make your own joke here) and you, Hogan, will face the Challenge once again for the second time of your life, I want to feel the power of the WARYRRRRRRRRS."
Quick - RAW's starting! Change the channel!
Forgotten souls unleash the havoc of 25 October PPV SNICKERS
It's still TV-PG-DV and here's Gene O. who brings out BUFF BAGWELL to get an update on the condition of Big Poppa Pump. Apparently, Scotty was put in an ambulance (oh come on) and when Gene takes umbrage, Buff says "Are you calling me a liar?" Soon after this interview starts, we hear that MANIACAL LAUGHTER that all the kids are talking about. Point of this interview is that Scott will be too injured to fight his brother at Havoc. Yeah.
PSYCHOSIS v. THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION THE CAT (without Rimmer) - I think Psychosis is raising his hands as if to say "I don't speak your language." Hey, commentators agree with me! Psychosis even answers in Spanish, which apparently enrages Cat (damn racist) and superkicks him to start the match proper. Kicks aplenty. Psychosis manages to dropkick the knees a couple times, and hits a NICE plancha, then the missile dropkick, but the Cat always wins so Psychosis only gets 2. Snapmare and headscissors by Psychosis. The Cat finally catches him in a flying something attempt and drops him to the canvas. Sunsetflip attempt by Psychosis is countered with a lot of karate moves. Psychosis gets a 2 count but they're in the ropes. Guillotine legdrop from the top rope misses. Cat hits a roundhouse kick for the pin. Sigh. (3:22) "I am the greatest! I am a bad man!" Then he chops his crotch. Huh?
Tickets go on sale Friday for Lubbock! Midland! San Angelo! Charleston! Saturday, tickets for Nitro in Ft. Lauderdale!
Gene O. brings out DAS TANZENKIND ALEX WRIGHT, who wrests the mic from Okerlund (that seemed a little harder than it should have been, ha!) Wright calls Okerlund "Baldy - an old, old midget" which can only be the highlight of this interview. The REAL thrust of this interview is to, er, dog the British Bulldog. Tonight's the last chance for that jellyfish to accept his challenge. Then he dances. Tony: "Can you believe he called Gene Okerlund 'Baldy?'" Well, he IS bald, isn't he?
CHAVO GUERRERO, JR. (with Pepe) v. DISCO INFERNO in a Return Cruiserweight Contenders' Bout - these two had a good bout Thursday, but that dastardly Juvi came out and force Disco to weigh himself and get disqualified. Back and forth action to start - then Disco goes for Pepe but doesn't break him. Tonight, Hart vs. Hogan! Chavo with a Thesz press-alike and lotsa punches. Disco takes refuge outside the ring. Chavo hits a pescado, then rides Pepe around the ring. Disco finally comes back with a headbutt on his way in. Head to the turnbukle. Whip into the opposite corner, reverse, Chavo with a face slam. Inverted atomic drop, lariat. Chavo covers but only gets 2. Whip into the corner, but Disco puts up an elbow. Bodyslam. Another bodyslam. Disco to the second rope, a little dancing, and a forearm drop for 2. Kicks in the corner - Chavo ducks a punch and does some kicking of his own. Whip into the corner, Chavo splash, springboard bulldog. Tonight's main event is Hogan vs. Hart. Disco grabs Pepe and drives the stick into Chavo's throat for the pin. But wait, JUVENTUD GUERRERA is out to complain. Guerrera beats him up, culminating in a 'rana. Disco leaves the ring, then returns when Juvi turns to Chavo. BIG piledriver for Juvi from the Disco Inferno. As he walks off, we learn that THE HORSEMEN ARE NEXT!
Halloween Havoc ad - from the spawn of Snickers
The WCW Power Plant is the Harvard of Professional Wrestling!
Closed captioning where available brought to you by Jolly Time popcorn!
The festival of advertisements appears to be over, as we take a Special Video Look at the Four Horsemen. I feel a little cheated - I was thinking when they said "the Horsemen are next," they meant, like, you know, an INTERVIEW.
Whoops, spoke too soon, Gene O. welcomes the FOUR HORSEMEN to the ring. You know what that means - FINALLY we'll get to hear Flair say "Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean (woooo!) Gene!" While they walk to the ring, Gene says there are some Buffalo Bills in attendance. Oh, and Bobby Heenan has taken the third chair at the commentary table. Damn, there's ANOTHER Hyatte sign ("Hyatte is Dillenger's Love Child") - I've GOT TO GET FUNNIER! "Here we are! I believe we are in Rochester, New York, woooo! And as before, we are feeling alive, well, and lookin' oh so good woooo!" Here's CRACKA EAZY-E, STEVIE RAY, DOUG DILLINGER, and several coppas. "Welcome back, God! Woooo!" Bischoff tells Arn that he committed "felonious assault" last Thursday on THUNDER! on Stevie Ray. Bischoff tells the cops to escort the Horsemen (and Dillinger!) out of *his* building, and off *his* show. Crowd chants "asshole." Bischoff accuses Flair of using his son as an excuse to breach his contract, then says some more crap. Stevie and Eric shake hands in the ring. Let's take a break.
Jerichoholics T-shirt ad.
Special Video Look at Page and Goldberg - 95 minutes in, and we finally get our first utterances of the name, by a voiceover guy, who reminds us that they're in the Championship match at Halloween Havoc (25 October only on pay-per-view)
CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO (with Security, Ninja, and another guy, and "JERICHO-1, GOLDBERG-0" shirt) comes out with his "entrance" and I don't know if he's really facing Goldberg for real tonight - we'll find out in a minute. The music fires up - the fireworks go off - hey, it really *is* GOLDBERG! He's carrying the faux-Goldberg over his shoulder. Jericho, of course, still hasn't seen them - he turns around, sees that Goldberg's really there, and throws his security at Goldberg. Double spear. Jackhammer for one of 'em. (no contest)
THUNDER! ad. A Goldberg/Raven match is hyped, although you have to be REALLY careful to hear the voiceover guy say that it's Raven as the opponent.
Gene O. continues the cavalcade of interviews by inviting out DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (oh God...) - take a drink if he walks out through the crowd! Okerlund and Page take turns comparing Goldberg and Page to McGwire and Sosa - I still can't figure it out. Page says "Bang!"
Promotional consideration paid for by Electronic Hot Shot Basketball, "The Jungle Book: Mowgli's Story," The Money Store, Tiger SportsFeel games, Tootsie Caramel Apple Pops, and I already miss those sunflower seeds with the penguins and the stuff, yeah.
SCOTT HALL (with Vincenzo) v. (billy) KIDMAN for the WCW Cruiserweight Championship (oh, maybe not) - Hall visibly flips off a fan who tries to throw a drink at him - you think he'd be HAPPY to have a drink, since Vincent won't fork over the cup until Hall wins his match. "One quick survey question: Is it tastes great, or is it less filling?" When does Kidman get his first name back? Toothpick shot to start. Kidman does something funny which we aren't allowed to see. Lockup, Hall powers him away. Lockup, to the corner, chop (woooo!) by Hall. Commentators completely missed the conversation about the drink Vincent and Hall had before the match, grumble. Another chop by Hall (woooo!). "Massive beale." Hall wants a drink but Vincent says no again. Surprise rollup by Kidman for 2. Dropkick by Kidman. Crucifix - no, slides down for 2. Hall with a lariat that flips Kidman. Stompin' away. Kidman choked on the second rope, then Vincent provides a little extra when the ref pulls Hall away. Whip into the corner, hard. Hall asks for the drink, Vincent says "get the pin." Big boots. What's that, an Octopus? Hall pulls on the hair for added leverage, breaking at 4 every time. Hall continues to step on his head. Kidman gets in a shot, but Hall's still on him. Dueling hiptosses, Kidman flips, Hall catches him in a chokeslam. Hall imitates the Giant - umm, they're friends now, right? OK. Hall goes outside and threatens to choke Vincent if he doesn't get the drink. Vincent forkes it over. Kidman hits a pescado on Vincent but we totally miss it. Kidman taps Hall on the shoulder, but Hall's too busy trying to slam the drink. Kidman spins him around and gets him in the gut, and Hall spits all over the crowd (funny!) Kidman is a house afire! Back in! Missile dropkick! Bulldog! Crossbody from the top - 1, 2, no! Whip, reverse, duck, Hall catches him, fallaway slam - I think that's it. Outsider Edge coming up - I guess Kidman reversed it into a facedrop somehow, though that looked kinda weird. 2 count for Kidman. Vincent up, Vincent down, Hall hits from behind. NOW we get the Outsider Edge - with authority. 1, 2, 3. (6:14) Ladies and gentlemen, we have a NEW CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! Okay, we don't, really. But coming up tonight - oh yeah, buddy - Hogan and Hart in the main event! IT'S ONLY AN HOUR AWAY!!
Dean Malenko "Eyes of Ice" T-shirt ad.
Hour three FIREWORKS! In this hour, Brian Adams and Kevin Nash! Lex Luger against Hugh Morrus and Barry Darsow! And of course, Hollywood Hogan and Bret Hart! I can hardly wait! Let's start it off with...
BRITISH BULLDOG v. DAS TANZENKIND ALEX WRIGHT - this match is rated TV-PG-DV. Bulldog takes the mic and says "You can dance if you want to - you can leave your friends behind - 'cause your friend's don't dance and if they don't dance - well, they're no friends of mine." Bulldog swears in German and says "Suck it," then chops his crotch. That's it, he's fired. Lockup, to the corner, reverse, clean break. Lockup, arm bar by Wright, reverse, reverse, reverse, to the rope. Smith with a shove and a smirk as they break. Wright with a kick, arm drag, Smith reverses. Tony got a note saying that Hall's been celebrating. Wow, how much can he DRINK in five minutes? Lots cool moves, off the ropes, Smith catches a boot, ducks the other boot. Looks like a surfboard attempt here - no wait, a rocking chair! Ah hell, I don't remember. Wright rocks back and it looks like all four shoulders are down, so he releases the hold. Wright pounds Smith as he turns to the ref. Now Wright's all over Smith with forearms and uppercuts. Snapmare by Wright, he's outside the ring and took Smith with him. Neck on the apron edge, double axehandle. Bodyslam by Wright. Splash from the apron, over the top rope. 1, 2, no. Snap suplex. Wright climbs the rope, Smith is up and throws him from the top. Time for the ten punch countalong but Wright manged to drop him on the top rope - only problem was his head was between Davey Boy and the rope. Whip, reverse, Wright's feet hit referee "Blind" Billy Silverman as Smith gets him up for the Calgary Stampede running powerslam. Smith has him down - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, finally he turns around and sees the fallen ref. Meantime, referee "Blind" Charles Robinson is out surveying the situation. Wright's up, belly-to-back suplex - both refs count - 1, 2 - each man puts up a shoulder - 3. Each ref saw a different man win and each ref holds up a different arm. Of course, neither man was pinned. Wright decides to continue attack Smith, but the Bulldog comes back with a clothesline to get him out of the ring. The ref's keep arguing as we watch some replays - and then everybody walks off without announcing a decision. Whatever. (4:26) Boy, I HOPE they wrestle again! Actually, this wasn't a half bad match until the goofy ending.
Mug Root Beer, where the foam goes straight to your brain - send in your videos, please, please, please.
Hey, look, it's the Nitro Girls! Here's "Spice's" solo. Does that make her Nitro Spice? Oh, just shoot me.
Let's Take a Special Video Look at Kevin Nash and play that Wolfpack theme that is CLIMBING up the charts. Maybe.
BRIAN ADAMS (he needs somebody...somebody like you) v. AD BREAK
Halloween Havoc ad - I'm out of jokes this week
BRIAN ADAMS v. KEVIN NASH (with some kid) - Hart/Hogan TONIGHT! Tony blames Bischoff for the kid appearing - "If Doug Dillenger were here, we wouldn't have that kind of lapse in Security!" - Nash has the mic, and while he's talking I can't *help* but think that the Wolfpack is most definitely in the house. Whoops, Luger isn't in a handicap match, it's a tag match with Konnan. Thanks, Tony. Tony's lost his mind, by the way. Listen to this commentary: "The bell - one - slow - ring - - - ding." Lockup, big knee, to the corner. Now Nash is repeatedly putting a knee in the gut. Big rights. Elbow to the mush. Whip to the opposite corner and follow lariat. Nash thinks he's in a GAP ad. Whip, but Adams puts up an elbow. Clothesline from the second rope and Nash goes down. Big firsts, kick to the gut, dropkick and Nash goes over the top rope to the floor! Adams leaves the ring and punches Nash on the floor. Right, right, head to the post - blocked! Nash takes Adams head to the STEEL steps. Later tonight, Hogan and Hart. Nash rolls Adams back into the ring. Whip into the ropes, big boot. Whip into the ropes, another big boot - STEVIE RAY and VINCENZO are out. As Nash puts Adams in the position for the Jackknife, Ray takes the slapjack (which used to be called a "blackjack" a long time ago) and waffles Nash with it (DQ 2:40). Vincent holds Nash while Stevie Ray punches away. And now SCOTT HALL is out to join the fun as Adams gets in his licks. Hall *dumps his drink* and gets his shots in on Nash. THE TOTAL WOLFPACKAGE and KONNAN make the save, finally. So what's the deal, was Hall faking the drinking tonight? Before? Is it all mind games against Nash? Is it just blatant discontinuity, the hallmark of WCW booking? Who can say? Stay tuned...
THE NARCISSIST & KONNAN v. HUGH MORRUS & BARRY STINKIN' DARSOW (with James Hart, no entrance) - so let me see, during the ad break, K-Dawg and Luger left the ring and Morrus and Darsow came out so when we came back, Luger and Konnan could enter again. Luger and Darsow start - big headlock, power out, big shoulderblock, big armdrag, tag to Konnan, kick, pound, forearm, dueling hiptoss attempts end with a lariat from Konnan. Darsow with an eyepoke and a tag to Morrus. Why ARE these two teaming anyway? Morrus whips Darsow in Konnan, Morrus misses when HE tries to run into Konnan in the corner. Kick to the gut, somersault clothesline by Konnan, shot to Jimmy Hart, seated dropkick, Tequila Sunrise but Darsow breaks it while Luger ties up referee "Blind" Mark Curtis trying to stop the illegal doubleteam. Why AM I doing a blow-by-blow of this match anyway? Illegal switch Darsow ends up on the wrong end of a facedrop. Tag to the Package. Big Torture Rack - Morrus is laid out by Konnan, trying to break it. Submission (2:20) Konnan puts the Tequila Sunrise on Hugh Morrus anyway - I imagine the finish was supposed to be a simultaneous submission and somebody screwed up, ah, who give a rat's ass. I need to get a damn life already. But not before I see HOLLYWOOD HOGAN AND BRET HART TONIGHT!
I don't want to see any more adds for "ANTZ" either.
Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! Why do two of them wear pants and two of them wear shorts? I guess they don't all HAVE to match...
MICHAEL BUFFER is out to kill some time. Did I mention this is going to be a screwjob? Now, I show twenty minutes left in this show before overruns. How can they fill all this time? Didja ever notice that Hogan NEVER gets his name in a Nitro graphic like almost every other wrestler appearing on the show? Did Buffer's voice crack when he said "Hogan?" Did they forget that Hart had theme music? Why didn't Buffer mention that Hart was the United States Champion? How many consecutive questions can I string together?
YOU KNOW WHO v. BRET HART for the WCW United States Heavyweight Championship - Hart mouths "son of a bitch" when talking to Hogan. Staredown. Hogan shoves Hart. Hogan circle, lockup, to the corner, Hart reverses, clean (almost) break. Lockup, Hogan with a side headlock. Hart powers out, Hogan knocks him down after coming off the rope. Hart's limping a bit more now. Lockup, Hogan with a side headlock, go behind, drop toehold - holy shit, is Hogan attempting to WRESTLE tonight? Front facelock, Hart reverses to a wristlock and knees Hogan in the back. Wristlock continues, another knee to the back by Hart. Armdrag by Hart, pressure is on and stays on. Hogan reverses to an arm drag of his own. Hogan with another takedown I've never seen him use into a cross armbreaker. I oughta retire rightnow, I've seen everything. Lockup, to the rope, Hogan whips Hart out and hits a lariat. Scoop slam by Hogan. Elbowdrop misses. Elbowdrop misses again. Third elbowdrop misses the mark. Hart off the ropes - lariat and Hogan falls through the ropes. Hogan pulls Hart outside with him and Hart rakes the face. Hogan to the ringpost. Hart rolls Hogan back in and Hogan begs off. Hart approaches, and Hogan throws him through the ropes again. Hogan follows, they're both outside. Hogan drops the injured knee on the barricade. Hogan's doing it again! Hart crumples to the floor, holding his knee. Hogan jaws with the crowd. Hart thrown back in the ring and Hogan wraps the leg around the ringpost. If I didn't know better, I'd say Hogan was going to try that ringpost figure four. Back in, Hogan stomps on the knee repeatedly. Spinning toehold by Hogan! This is Hogan's GREATEST match ever! Hogan shoves referee "Blind" Charles Robinson. (THIS IS) STING has come out - don't tell me STING is going to cause the screwjob. Sting and Hogan exchange pleasantries, and Sting goes to check on Hart. LUGER & KONNAN are also out, trying to help Hart out of the ring, but Hart wants back in to finish the match. Of course, he's not going to overpower three men. A gurney is being wheeled out. So have they stopped the match? Hart is begging for Sting to let him back in the ring, but Sting's going to take Hart's place, apparently. Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine by Sting. Repeated right hands by Sting. Hogan finally comes back with a rake of the face. Chop (woooo!), chop, chop - split screen shows Hart on the gurney, STILL begging to go back to the ring. Meanwhile, Hogan whips Sting in to the opposite corner and following with a lariat. Side suplex from Hogan! 1, 2, kickout. Another split-screen shows Hart raving like a lunatic. Meanwhile, Sting ducks a clothesline - backstage, two "doctors" attack Luger and Konnan while the EMT's scatter - they unmask to reveal themselves to be SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER and BUFF BAGWELL - Hart is trying to unstrap himself from the gurney but can't. Steiner undoes the seatbelt and Hart limps away. We're back to the ring, and Hogan is taking it to Sting outside the ring. They're back in - Hart appears (alone?) while Hogan hits a scoops slam. Legdrop - misses! Sting has Hogan in the corner - Stinger splash! Scorpion Deathlock coming up! Hart is cheering - Hart is GRABBING Sting and giving him a DDT! (DQ 9:54) And now Hart is punching away on Sting! Hogan is salaaming Hart! Headbutt to the lower abdomen. Sharpshooter applied! Hogan is jawing fiercely with Sting while Hart's got him in the hold. Finally the hold is released. Hart continues to kick the back of Sting's knee. The ring is littered with garbage. Hogan has grabbed Buffer's chair and thrown it to Hart - Hart takes the chair to Sting's knee - twice. Sting tries to crawl away - Hart's got him - RINGPOST FIGURE FOUR! Nope, didn't happen - wrong corner to do that, I guess. Hart continues to beat on Sting. Konnan FINALLY manages to make it to the ring to try to even the score, but he can't get in the ring. Luger's here (hey, where's Nash during all this again? - oh yeah, they beat him up earlier). Hogan raises Hart's hand - they're apparently the best of friends. They end early.
I don't EVEN think I can BEGIN to point out how this doesn't work for me. Fortunately, all will be right two months from now, when they decide it was all a plan of Hart and Sting to make Hogan THINK Hart was his friend, and Hart didn't REALLY hurt Sting's leg, and they're all working with Disciple to trick the Warrior into thinking Savage and Page really DON'T hate each other.
Ah, screw it.