/2 November 1998
Let's put some personal stuff on top - it MAKES THE REPORT LONGER.
I want to give a very hearty congratulations to Lady Miss Carrie and Ed Zohn on the announcement of their engagement. I've never met Carrie, but I have greatly enjoyed her columns both here at WM and over at SCOO<CENSORED>S. I *did* have a chance to meet Ed at the first rec.sport.pro-wrestling Convention in Philly three years ago, and there is absolutely NO reason in the world why he would remember me, but I remember him as amazingly cool and everything Carrie's ever said about him is right: talking to him, even if only for a brief period of time, you really get the feeling that he truly loves the business and it is infectious. And, when people find each other like they have, it's always worth holding up as an example for the rest of us - don't give up, even if you're a bitter cynical twentysomething like myself who seems intent on giving up. (smiley)
If you're reading this in the USA and it's Tuesday, I hope that either you HAVE voted, or you're GOING to vote. In fact, why don't you go vote right now? I'll be here when you get back. Go vote! If you don't know WHO to vote for, follow this easy rule: just vote for the Libertarian, and vote "No" if it's a propositions. STATUS QUO IS THE WAY TO GO!
One more thing. The Green Bay Packers OWN the San Francisco 49ers. Living in the Bay Area as I do, and putting up with the crap and sap that Forty-whiner fans are ALWAYS monopolizing local airwaves with, I couldn't be happier that EVERY time for the past three years, we (I say "we" because I burned $200 and bought a share) have beaten them, and EVERY time it's pissed off those snobs who were SO SURE that THEIR team would win. Hell, Minnesota can take the division for all I care - WE OWN THE 49ERS!
Hope everybody had a good Halloween. I bought a giant roll of masking tape and went as a mummy. It took a LITTLE more work than it sounds, honest. It did make me look nice and thin though - mostly due to the girdle effect of wrapping your body in masking tape, which should have been apparent beforehand but, I guess, never occurred to me. Anyway, if you need an idea for next year, mummy, baby, mummy. Start losing the weight now. Plus, you get to embarrass somebody in the Women's section at Wal-Mart by walking up with a pair of tights and asking "Excuse me, I know this is probably a stupid question, but will these fit me?"
I also appeared on Public Access in the costume - it looked GREAT on TV - better than in person, in fact. I taped it but you'll never see it, unless by some chance I suddenly become famous and somebody pays me a lot of money to put it in one of those "Before They Were Stars" ABC filler shows.
What do you MEAN, you came here for descriptions and highlights? This is WCW Monday Nitro! If I didn't include lots of extraneous crap, no one would BOTHER! You think I can just give you blow-by-blow and then a possibly witty one-liner and leave it at that? Well, actually I can, but it's November and I'm FINALLY over this cold/flu thing, and people keep telling me to avoid what the other writers say about me and include more crap! So there it is! We got the crap that makes other crap ... well, smell like crap!
Ok, here we go. But first...
I GET LETTERS: I got a STELLAR piece of hatemail all the way from the UK, but I don't feel like printing it. I find that I get less hate mail when I don't call attention to it...wait a minute. I'll print this one instead, from Randy the Canadian:
You're a sick bastard and you should be ashamed of your insolent treatment of the fine men and women of Mr Turner's WCW organization. You're disrespectful and you're parents must be embarassed to go out in public. I've never felt a closer kinship to another human being.
Then he sent me a URL that doesn't work. Man, that's annoying. But thanks for the note, Randy! Just don't EVER come over to my apartment when I'm home!
Aw, hell, I can't help myself. Here's the hate mail of the week:
Listen here Chris, When you right these Nitro reports Don't Make The report SO F*CKIN LONG and also when your writing these reports use the person's REAL NAME, if you don't like that, then e-mail me on
Well, I cut off the email address. Why are people so afraid to spell out the naughty words, huh? I promise to use the word "fuck" at least three more times in this report in addition to the time I used it in this sentence. It's just a WORD, people. (Now, some people will argue that I only say that because I don't hear it enough, in the correct context. And I will be one of them.)
It's also possible that since three different people have seen fit to comment on the length of my reports, that I have made an extra special attempt to crap it up at the top of the page here. "Maybe." *wink*
TV-PG-DV LIVE (via three hour tape delay) from the National Car Rental Center in Sunrise, FL, it's WCW MONDAY NITRO! Not only is it close captioned, it's 2.11.98 and World War 3 is *19 days* away! First hour fireworks! (The first cut won't hurt at all)
World War 3 promo #1.
ACHTUNG ACHTUNG HIER IST ALEX WRIGHT v. THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC NORMAN SMILEY (no entrance) - holy SHIT, only a MINUTE into the first hour and there's a wrestler walking to the ring! Since Alex is wearing peach, Smiley has opted for yellow. Dueling waistlocks, Wright wristlock, flip, fireman's carry, backward slam. Alex poses, when he turns around, Smiley his a wristlock, wristlock counter, run the ropes, leapfrog, duck, Smiley crossbody for 2. Powerslam by Smiley. Scoop slam with a twist by Smiley, nice move. Well, Wright's had enough and pokes the eye. Boos aplenty. European uppercut by Wright. Chop (woooo!). Whip, Smiley holds on and whips HIM, two ducks and Wright hits a flying jalapeno. Big spinning heel kick by Wright and some more posing. Head to the turnbuckle. What do you MEAN you're not interested? Hard whip into the opposite corner. Scoop slam and he deposits Norman onto the Tree of Woe. Kicks aplenty. Stepping on the throat! TANZEN! "Alex sucks" chant is up and hurting his ears. Smiley comes back with some headbutts to the abs. Alex takes him down again and puts the boots to him. Wright is outside, now, draping Smiley's body over the corner of the apron and laying the meaty paws on him. Back in goes Wright, whip, Smiley steps aside and Wright hits the corner. Smiley with a double underhook - has him vertical - slams him down. Very nice. Whip into the corner, drop toehold as he comes out. Legdrop to the back of the neck, backflip to stand up, elbowdrop by Smiley for 2.9. Smiley deserves to win but he won't. Scoop and a slam. Smiley up top, Wright up, TOP ROPE SUPERPLEX! Both men slow to get up and the count is on. Both men stagger up at 7 - Smiley ducks a punch but can't escape the Rude Awakening - oh wait, that's not what it's called... (4:39) Wright promises to beat some ugly Americans, too, later.
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and thelivinglegend Larry Zbyszko. The fans are so busy booing Wright that they forget to chant Larry's name even as he looks around to get them to do it. The talk centers on Bret Hart's new attitude, taking Sting *and* Diamond Dallas Page off the self in a 24 hour period. This leads to a
Let's Take A Special Video Look at Bret Hart - first losing the US Heavyweight title after a Diamond Cutter, then destroying the knee of Diamond Dallas Page, in black and white and in "herkyjerkyvision" (hey! They stole that from ECW!)
Opening credits at nine after - hey, that's okay, they gave me a MATCH, I'll let it go.
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Valvoline! You can always tell the guys who lube with Valvoline!
WCW/NWO Revenge ad. All the kids are talking about it, you know. Raven and Hogan are in the ad. Why.
Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! And they're brandishing GIANT VIDEOGAME BOXES!
Tonight, Lex Luger and Bret Hart! Fit Finlay! The Cat! Wrath! The IV Horsemen! Scott Norton! Scott Steiner! Juventud Guerrera! Rey Mysterio! Dean Malenko! And Lex Luger and Bret Hart! PLEASE don't be a-changin' the channel!
DISCO INFERNO v. KAZ HAYASHIRYU - Hayashi with the waistlock, Disco to the wristlock, flip, wristlock counter, to the ropes, head to the gut by Disco, another flip by Kaz, lariat by Disco and the man is down. To the corner, Disco kicks him down. Whip into the opposite corner, but he misses a follow clothesline. Disco ducks but Hayashi hits a flying headscissors, then a dropkick. Disco goes outside to call timeout but Hayashi hits a HIGH twisting bodypress over the top to the floor. Hot shot as Disco comes back in. Back in, plancha for 2. Disco finally comes back and hits a suplex. Commentators are talking about Sonny Onoo, the Cat, and whatever they did to Hayashi on Saturday Night. Disco to the second rope, boogie woogie, forearm for 2. Disco pulls him down by the hair, then drops a leg on him. Disco to the second rope, and I think he went to the well once too often. Chop (woooo!), whip, reversal, Disco tries an armdrag by Kaz hits a high dropkic. Backbreaker by Hayashi, and he's to the top. Moonsault! 1, 2, no! SONNY ONOO has appeared at the top of the ramp. Disco hits an elbow to the back of the head and climbs the rope again. Hayashi crotches him just in time. Superplex by Hayashi for 2. Onoo says he's the greatest Japanese wrestler - arrgh. Scoop and a slam by Hayashi. Up top - Hayashi's seen Sonny and climbs down. Now he's out of the ring and the chase is on. Sonny's in, Hayashi follows and Disco hits a double sledge as he comes in. Disco hits a Cabbage Patch Driver (astonishingly similar to the Macarena Piledriver, which is what Tenay calls it, because he's not hip) for the pin. (4:40) 1-800-COLLECT brings us the replay of the Cabbage Patch Driver, which Zbyszko calls the "Macadamian Piledriver."
GENE O. works tonight! And it's about time that we see BOOKER T again. Where's he been? "You know, first of all Gene, I want to say one thing - Ft. Lauderdale, what's happenin'! Yeah, I been gone for a while Gene, you know, like you say on the 24th [of August], you know, somethin' happened to me that I thought would never happen. I told my brotha, big Stevie Ray, I said 'Brother would you watch my back you know, for this #1 Contenders match that I have tonight, would you do it like we did when we was kids?' You know and my brother said 'yeah, I do it brother, but let me tell you something, you don't need this match,' and I-I axed myself why? I think I do need this match with Bret Hart to prove myself. You know the people been axing me over and over, what about Stevie Ray, what are you gonna do about it, and I say to those people this: my brotha, Stevie Ray, I ain't got nothin' but love for ya, you do your thing, and I'm gonna do mine." Okerlund calls him a five time TV champ (hmmm...) "Well, like I said, as far as my brother goes and the title, that's obsolete - me and him'll handle family business when needed, but as far as tonight go, that night I laid on the ground, on the cold cement, you know, after one person came up behind me and whacked me on my knee...you know this sucka tried to pull a Tonya Harding on me, he tried to take me clean out of the game. But I tell that one person this, if you got the guts, if you man enough, you meet me right here in the squared circle TONIGHT! And like I said, if you won't do it in the middle of the ring, sucka, I will take you in the back, and I will take you out, and that person is Scott Hall! So I'm telling you this, Scott Hall, if you man enough, if you got the guts, you step up to the plate, cause sucka, I'm gon' kick ya where the good Lord split ya, if you know what I'm talking about sucka, it's gonna be own like Neckbone in Florida tonight, now can you dig it!" I don't KNOW why I transcribed all that, I guess I just like Booker T and missed him and I'm glad he's back. So can you dig it?
Lee Marshall narrates the Snickers Pin on a Map Road Report. Thursday Roanoke, VA is the site of THUNDER!
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, You Don't Know Jack tabletop version, the CLUB, WCW Bashin' Brawlers ("yousmashedmy - HEAD!"), ToasterBreaks Melts, and Tiger SportsFeel electronic games.
WCW MasterCard ad. Pick a card, any card!
Some Lynyrd Skynyrd guy is in the crowd. Hey, remember that "flames" cover? I'll bet that guy does!
POLISH PIRATE SCOTT PUTSKI v. FIT FINLAY - Finlay says "Ain't no Polish Hammer gonna stop me! I'm Irish..." and he trails off, but I'm sure whatever he said, it was right. Collar-n-elbow tieup, to the ropes, reluctant break. Headlock, power out, Finlay knocks him down. Finlay runs the ropes, jump over, leapfrog duck under, hiptoss by Putski. Bodyslam by Putski. Missed elbowdrop! Headbutt by Finlay. Scoop and a slam. Putski rolls outside, Finlay follows and gives him an axehandle. Finlay takes his back against the canvas. Finlay back in, Putski slowly back in. European uppercut. Short clothesline for 2. To the chinlock, now the nostril grab. Knee to the back of the head (ouch!) - now Putski's punching back. Finlay to the face. To the corner, forearm. Snapmare, kneedrop. Cover for 2. Amazingly, commentators are talking about this match! Finlay to the outside, and he snaps his neck against the corner of the canvas. Elbow snaps the neck. Back in, Putski is coming back with punches in bunches. To the corner, whip to the opposite corner. Putski runs into a knee, Finlay runs into a powerslam. Putski is up first and dares him to come on. Putski pulls him back to the center of the ring. Whip, back body drop by Putski. Punches in bunches. Putski doesn't deserve to get this much offense in. Clothesline. He's signalling for the Hammer! Finlay ducks it - fireman's carry, forward roll slam, Tombstone piledriver, oh yeah baby. 1, 2, 3. (3:57) Finlay says "Who's next?" just for kicks.
Raven, backstage, delivers a videotaped interview - after about ten seconds, Kanyon walks up and interrupts the pity party. Raven tells him to leave him alone. Hmmm?
Closed captioning where available brought to you by Jolly Time popcorn! Don't get butter on the steno keys!
Let's Take A Special Video Look at Chris Jericho and His Travails with Goldberg - or rather, Faux Goldberg. Let's chuckle at his entrances. Let's smile at his entourage. Let's cheer as the real Goldberg takes care of the fake Goldberg and the entourage. Let's roar as Jericho lays down the challenge. Let's enjoy Goldberg spearing Jericho to prevent DDP from winning the TV title.
THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION THE CAT (with Sonny Onoo and I'm out of "Red Dwarf" references) comes out and challenges anybody. So SCOTT ARMSTONG comes out. I turned my head and missed that "match." (:24) - Cat continues to pound away until STEVE ARMSTRONG runs out. Amazingly, Steve whups him pretty good. Of course, Onoo is up on the apron so Steve turns his back and takes a swing at Sonny - Cat hits another big kick to the head and Mickey Jaye decides "what the hell, I'll count another pinfall" (:59 after the first one). Cat takes the mic and asks where Bullet is - ok, THAT was funny. We fade out.
Tickets go on sale Friday for Memphis for THUNDER!, Tupelo, Little Rock, Shreveport, and Tampa for Nitro!
WRATH v. KENDALL WINDHAM - I love Cheez-It Party Mix. I love the Cheez-Its. I love the Shuffles - the cheesy crackers in the shape of playing card suits. I love the indigestable Sesame logs. I love the Sourdough bits. And I love the rice puffs. But the problem is about half of the box of Cheez-It Party Mix is pretzels - butter sticks and reg'lar twists. The pretzels are the bits you put up with and pay for to get to the good stuff. Thus, my latest addition to the art of wrestling report critique: THIS MATCH IS THE PRETZELS! (Meltdown 1:55)
Let's Take a Special Video Look at Bret Hart's Rampage of Terror against Diamond Dallas Page and Sting. With an exciting MTV bumper music score!
Gene O. brings out - no, here's BRET HART instead. "You know, unfortunately Gene, you know, hurting people is fun and nice, but it takes its toll, and unfortunately with me, I've got a really bad severe groin pull, and there's some doctors back there that're just not gonna let me wrestle tonight, so the match isn't gonna happen." Okerlund presses the issue and says that his match with Luger IS gonna happen. Hart tells Gene not to impugn his integrity. Gene presses, and Hart tells Gene not to press him. Hart goes on to tell people that he's the best at hurting people, everyone's afraid of him, Diamond Dallas Page is a slime and he sure showed him, yeah. Turning to Sting, Hart says he taught him not to bring a baseball bat to the ring. Hart promises to wipe out everyone that steps into the ring with him, except for Lex Luger tonight, because he can't. THE TOTAL WOLFPACKAGE comes out while Hart is still saying "I'm hurt." Luger tries to provoke Hart, but Hart refuses to be provoked again. Crowd is unhappy. Luger calls Hart a liar and "pathetic." Ooh, get down Luger. Hart says to take it as a blessing that he isn't getting his butt kicked tonight. Luger calls Hart a gutless coward, then big clotheslines him (getting a piece of Okerlund in the process!). And now Hart is in the Big Torture rack. Four referees come in as Luger big kicks Hart out of the ring. Hart, on the outside, holds his groin (can they SHOW that on WCW television?) as we fade out.
Oh, yeah, on the West Coast EVERYTHING gets muted 'cause it doesn't go out live for real. That sucks.
Because Eric Bischoff is the lamest man on the planet, we get to see Flair wrestling tonight!
YOU KNOW WHO (with James Hart) v. THE MAN (with Sensuous Sensational Sista Sherri) from Halloween Havoc 1994 - Hulkamania is alive! Commentators are Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan. Special Guest Referee is Mr. T! Isn't he broke and cancer-stricken? I hope he gets residuals (har, har). Somebody said "Nick Bockwinkle" which is the second time tonight that name has been thrown out. How many times can Hogan bash Flair's head into the side of the cage without him bleeding?
Before the footage is over, the IV HORSEMEN are seen walking to the ring to meet Gene O. Time to FINALLY hear the other side, Arn: "You know what we're gonna do is we're gonna get down to the truth tonight, something you don't know anything about Bischoff, the truth! Here's the way it goes Eric, you know listening to you spew your garbage must be an acquired taste, 'cause frankly we can't stomach it, not that we ever tried to. Now granted you've got a lot of power, probably the most power this sport has ever known. And you know that the NWO Black and White and the Horseman have to go down that war has got to happen. And you've got your finger on the button but other than let it happen, and give these fans all over the world what they really want to see, you play kids' games! And we couldn't figure that out. You play arm wrestling swerves, you talk about family, you have us tossed out by the cops, all kids' games. Well we figured it out Eric, it's because this is a man's game! Professional wrestling is conducted by men, against men, and that's something you don't have anything knowledgable to talk about much less an understanding of. You see when you got back in your little drawing room and you cut up all those tapes, and you put out this falsehood last week and tonight, you didn't just dishonour yourself and this company and this great sport, you dishonoured Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan, because I was there at both of those matches, and I saw those two men cut each other in half for 45 straight minutes, and it was a beautiful sight because at that point in time Hulk Hogan was a man - not somebody standing behind you, a shell of his former self, hiding behind those political power purse strings that you possess. Now I'm not out here crying for Ric Flair because he's thirteen times World Heavyweight Champion. Yeah, that's right, 13 times. You were never even a top contender at anything, much less a Champion. The fact is Eric, what we've grown to know tonight is you knew you would have to deal with this, so you're out in Montana, they say, bear hunting - well Eric, I'm gonna put this all in perspective - let the men do the fighting. Let this thing go down, and come out of that tree stand with that high powered rifle - don't shoot some little deer from up in the tree - put the gun down, come out of that tree, take that pocket knife out and feel what's it's like to be involved in a MAN'S sport, attacking him head on, because the fact is we know what you're afraid of - the same thing you've always been afraid of - that's dealing with the symbol of excellence, the Four Horsemen." The Man: "Mean woooo by God! Gene - we're here in Ft. Lauderdale, make no mistake! Bischoff, you can play a thousand tapes of me gettin' beat, but you can't walk down that aisle and get one drop of respect because you're never been there, you never paid the price, you never walked the aisle, you are not a man, you are an abusive overbearing punk! And I'm tired of paying fines for saying what I think. That's Steve McMichael, Double A, the Iceman, Benoit, and if you don't like it, light 'em up, do something about it, because the good Lord knows woooo! we are! Whether you like it - woooo! - or you don't like it - the best thing going today, and tonight, we're going to Soooouuth Beach to rock and roll! Come on boys!" Dean: "Gentlemen why don't you get the party started, and when I'm finished showing Raven why I'm a Horseman, I'll join up with you later on." Benoit: "Half of the Horsemen taking care of business here tonight, the other half preppin' South Beach..hohohoho...the Horsemen continue to set the standard." Flair: "We found him! We found him! We left him in Vegas, but he's back alive and well!" McMichael: "I told you Bischoff, you're gonna mess around and make that last brain cell pop - well listen up, you Shetland pony! I've got something in store for you and any other wrestler, I'm gonna teach you all how to giddyup and go, baby!" and he gallops and spanks himself. Notice how the interviews start off at a peak (Arn, Flair) and trail off (Benoit tries to look suave and comes off goofy [although he didn't bust out "talk to the hand"] and what the HELL was Mongo doing?).
Second hour FIREWORKS! (The second only makes you wonder) This hour started thirteen minutes late, so I guess I should ooh and aah and hmm and haa that the Horsemen were in the first head-to-head quarter hour with RAW and blah blah blah blah blah. Hey WCW, your first hour didn't suck for once. Please keep up the good work!
Let's take the Same Special Video Look at the Nitro Girls we've been taking for a few weeks now.
Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! What's that name again? THE NITRO GIRLS! Larry Zbyszko is a lech! What's that name again? thelivinglegend Larry Zbyszko!
Here's a Monday Nitro Party. It sucks. Someone says "Ultimate Warrior" and you can hear the phones ringing at the Titan lawyers' mansion.
Let's Take a Special Video Look at Goldberg - I saw Regal! I saw Regal!
BIG SCOTT NORTON (with Vincenzo and no hair) v. VAN HAMMER (with new "far out" music and incense but no peppermint) for the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship - THIS MATCH IS THE PRETZELS! (powerbomb 1:59)
Backstage, we see trainer DANNY YOUNG taping up the ribs of Bret Hart. Hart looks to be in great pain.
Meanwhile, SATURN has appeared in the ring and asked Eddie Guerrero to come out and face him one on one, as opposed to six on one. Now here's EDDIE GUERRERO walking to the ring and talking that Spanglish that Gerardo made so famous. He rushes the ring, Saturn throws him over the head and to the top turnbuckle. There's a suplex. Eddie's in the corner and Saturn's giving a manly beatdown. Referee Billy Silverman is in to stop this, but nothing doing. Saturn with the funky flapjack. Motioning for the Spicolli Driver Eddie REVERSES into a head scissors! Brainbuster suplex - Tony has now called him "Perry Saturn" twice - is he FINALLY getting his first name back? Eddie to the ropes, Saturn up to stop it - OVERHEAD SUPERPLEX from the top rope! Top rope guillotine legdrop! Silverman decides to try to count the pinfall (maybe THEN they'll stop) but only 2. I think that's the Falcon Arrow there. Eddie is laying and here's the rest of the LWO to apply the beatdown. Damn, La Parka looks cool in his new getup. New guy with the suplex - Eddie frogsplash. Here's KONNAN to confuse us some more. He breaks up the fight and asks "Perry" to walk away, it's between him and Eddie. Eddie and Konnan take turns accusing each other of not being Raza, and talkin' Spanish (I believe Konnan's translated to "My video does not suck, dammit to hell, I can't wait until it's on Onda Max," while Eddie's translated to "Alejandra Guzman should have married me instead, I would have treated her so so right.") Finally, they both agree that there will be another day...oh yes...there will be another day. Finally Konnan walks out and ALEX RODRIGUEZ meets him, which causes all three commentators to explode with delight.
Wolfpack T-shirt ad.
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week Where Steiner and Bagwell Do Bad Things To J.J. Dillon (who still manages, amazingly, to remove his glasses while in the Steiner Recliner)
Bobby Heenan is out. Rick Steiner's music starts - no, it's the NWO music, gee I wonder if he's in the next match. Stick with me as we ALL find out.
SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER (with Buff Is The Stuff) v. KENNY KAOS (with a tag team belt) - oh boy. No wait, J.J. DILLON is out to tell us to stop the High Voltage music 'cause he's got something to say. Steiner says a lot of censored stuff, then walks away. Dillon backtracks to the commentator's table, then we take an ad break. Huh?
Nitro Girls promo. Huh?
Hey look, it's A.C. Jazz! And there's Larry with his tongue out! Well, saying it's a "solo dance" is about half right.
Send us your Nitro Party tapes! PLEEEEEASE! What the hell, we go to ANOTHER ad break?
Local ad hypes house show 22 November at the San Jose Arena - hey wait, isn't that World War 3 night? Good thing the bell time is 1330 and the pay-per-view don't start 'til 5!
PSYCHOSIS v. REY MYSTERIO, JR. - Rey has new crappy music - I mean new rap music. Feeling out process, by which I mean lots of pacing with no action. Lockup, to the corner, clean break. (Raza respect.) Lockup, Rey to the foot, trips him down, to a submission hold, to an armdrag. Psychosis flips out and knocks him down. Everybody back up. Lockup, side headlock by Rey, Psychosis powers out, back 'n' forth, duck, leapfrog, dueling chops (woooo!), Rey with the forearms, Psychosis whips him and Rey does that spin thing he always does in the ropes, Psychosis runs at him and meets a boot. Rey with a cartwheel landing into a 'rana and Psychosis goes outside. Psychosis in at 9. Baseball side kick by Rey. Big time stompin'. Bronco buster (!) by Mysterio. Forearm, whip into the opposite corner. Rey goes up for a head scissors, but Psychosis stops it and powerbombs him. Both men outside now and Psychosis slams him to the mats. Psychosis back in the ring - slingshot guillotine legdrop! Back in, cover, only a 2 count. Snapmare takeover into a rear chinlock. Whip into the corner, Psychosis follows, jumps, and gives him the butt. Spinning stomp on the face. Whip into the ropes, Psychosis pushes him into the air, then steps aside and lets him hit the canvas. Whip into the ropes, Rey ducks, gobehind, gobehind counter, Rey holds onto the ropes, tries the quebrada but Psychosis catches him, but Rey pushes him into the turnbuckle, Psychosis jumps off the corner and Rey ducks. Rey to the top, springboard "Thesz press" for 2. Psychosis turns the tide with a kick, then a faceslam for 2. Psychosis jaws with referee "Blind" Charles Robinson. To the corner, follow lariat. Set up on the top rope, Psychosis hits a superFrankensteiner for 2. Picking him up, whip into the ropes, Rey holds on, so Psychosis rushes him, Rey ducks under and Psychosis hits a springboard and hits the mat head first. Rey hangs him up on the middle rope and hits a split-legged moonsault, except he led his elbow and hit him in the face by mistake (ouch). 1, 2, no. Whip, reverse, Rey jumps off the second rope and hits the flying headscissors. Psychosis grabs him but Rey counters with a faceslam. The LWO is out - Rey is distracted - Psychosis hits a second rope powerbomb and gets the pinfall. Huh. (8:37)
Gene O. says "shank of the evening," then brings out CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO, who is wearing a Goldberg shirt. Jericho runs down NBC's special, then says that he has the utmost respect for Bill Goldberg, alludes to a nonexistent football career, then says once again that he respects Goldberg. He leads a "Goldberg" chant and Okerlund and the commentators are duly confused. Let's go to the break!
It's time for the third hour FIREWORKS right on time! (The third will have you on your knees) Still to come, THAT match, and THIS match, and maybe THAT match!
RAVEN v. DEAN MALENKO - Raven is pouting in the corner - FINALLY he gets up to start the match. Raven points to his chin. Again. Again. Now Dean kicks away and Raven doesn't put up a fight. Raven asks for a punch and Dean lays him out with a right. More kicking. Dean pushes him down and asks the ref what's happenin' here. Raven finally does something offensive - a Golotta. He's all over him, now he's BITING him! Another bite. Kick to the head by Raven. Raven picks him up for a headlock - Dean drives both of them through the ropes. Oh boy, LODI is here! Raven whipped into the barricade - STEVE McMICHAEL is out with a whip for Lodi (ewww.) and they're chased to the back. Meanwhile, Raven has regained the advantage by pulling Malenko off the apron and hitting the canvas jaw first. Chair in the ring. Raven back in - chair set up, whip, drop toehold(tm). Cover, 1, 2, no. Snap suplex by Raven, who just SITS there. Now he's up, kick to the head, repeat about ten times. Raven looks for the chair, finds it, and gets it. Set up in the corner. Whip, Dean reverses to a sleeper - Raven with a belly-to-back suplex to break that. Both men down, referee "Blind" Scott Dickinson has put the count on. Raven up at 6. Whip, reverse, Raven hits the chair hard and is hanging out of the ring. Dean pulls Raven out of the corner and beats him some more. Nice high kick. Vertical suplex but Raven kicks out after 2. German suplex with a release. Going for it again, but Raven hits some back elbows - DDT attempt - countered into a powerbomb. Tejas Cloverleaf is on - no KANYON is out. Dean leaves Raven to take care of Kanyon - Raven attempts a rollup but only gets 2. Dean kicks out and Raven hits Kanyon - rollup by Malenko for 2. Tejas Cloverleaf is now applied, and CHRIS BENOIT is out to deal with Kanyon, now BRET HART is out to deal with Benoit. Hmmm. Meanwhile, Kanyon is in the ring (DQ 6:09) and while Malenko tastes the Flatliner, Hart is putting on a hammerlock in an attempt to break Benoit's arm. THE TOTAL WOLFPACKAGE is out - as soon as Hart sees him, he gets in the ring and plays hurt (implying he just might not have been moments earlier). Tenay calls Hart "the excellence of excuses." Before Luger and Hart hook it up, here's GIANT, who pulls Hart out of the ring, and offers to take his place later in the show. You know the one person all this was missing to make this perfect? That's right, *Makhan Singh.*
Promotional consideration paid for by Electronic Hot Shot Basketball, Mag-Lite flashlights, WCW Bashin' Brawlers ("Heygotoffmy - NOSE!"), America (ha!) Online, the Clinton Growin' Nose Wristwatch, and XG2 from Acclaim.
(billy) KIDMAN v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO (with JPS) for the World Television title - it's official: Giant will sub for Bret Hart in that giant (so to speak) main event for tonight. TV-14-V box pops up (someone's gonna BLEED tonight!). Lockup, to the ropes, semi-clean break and Jericho applauds. Lockup, armdrag by Jericho, commentators dis' the Washington Redskins for no apparent reason (somebody lost money on them!), reverse, reverse, Jericho kips up and eats a clothesline. Lockup, side headlock takeover by Jericho - Jericho tells Charles Robinson to "ask him" - ha. Kidman powers out but there's a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, leapfrog, hiptoss by Kidman, dropkick, stomp to the head, armdrag, kick to the gut, whip, leapfrog doesn't work as Jericho catches him and just throws him over the top rope to the floor. Jericho out of the ring and putting a boot to the head. Kidman meets the STEEL steps. Open hand slap, Kidman thrown back in, Jericho follows. Half hour suplex (tm British Bulldog). "Arrogant cover" for 1. To the corner, chop (woooo!), repeat (woooo!), kick, whip into the opposite corner, reverse, Kidman off the rope with a lariat. Kidman removes his shirt and chokes Jericho with it. Jericho comes back, lifting him in the air, and pushing him hard to the mat on the way down. Backbreaker and he keeps him across the knee. Jericho and Robinson have a tet a tet about whether or not he submitted. To the corner, Jericho with a big boot on the neck. Opposite corner, Kidman sidesteps and Jericho hits the corner hard. Jericho with a dropkick while Kidman's on his knees. Slap, bodyslam. Jericho climbs the ropes - but hits the boots on the way down. Kidman with an atomic drop, tornado bulldog for 2. Whip, reverse, go behind, Ligerbomb for 2. Victory roll attempt is countered and when Jericho can't put on the Liontamer, he Monkeyflips him to the turnbuckle. German suplex with a bridge for 2. Knee to the midsection by Jericho - powerbomb - no Kidman rolls through and brings his face to the mat. Dragged to the corner - shooting star press! But he must have landed wrong or Jericho put something up to block. There's a rollup - 1, 2, no! Chop (woooo!), whip, duck, Jericho puts him down and Liontamer - Kidman powers through and rolls him up - 2.9! Kidman is all over Jericho. Who smells a time limit draw? Jericho whipped, grabs the rope and steps outside the ring. Kidman hits a pescado. Kidman throws him in and climbs the rope. As Kidman hits a crossbody block from the top, the bell rings and it's over (time limit draw 8:32).
World War 3 promo #2.
WCW/NWO Revenge promo #2.
KENNY KAOS and J.J. DILLON are out at the commentary table. Dillon announces that the Executive Committee has fined Buff Bagwell $50,000 and Scott Steiner $100,000 - STEINER is immediately out to cut off Dillon, demolish the commentary table (scaring the CRAP out of every at the table in the process), run to the ring, beat up DAVID PENZER, and make a crummy interview ("suck" is muted, "queer" just misses the mute, "ass" is said off mic and isn't muted, "freak" and "hookup" aren't said this week. Finally Buff tries to calm down Steiner and call out Kaos. Buff says that they're not going to hurt him so many times that you know he's gonna get hurt. Sure enough, Steiner waffles him from behind, gives him a double underhook suplex, and here's the Steiner recliner. Crowd barks but Rick's nowhere to be seen, I guess. Scott tries to say that WCW sucks again, but again it's WCW <mute>. They rated it TV-14, but don't you DARE say "sucks" on live television.
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you COLLECT - by 1-800-COLLECT, that is!
SCOTT HALL v. BOOKER T. - Hall does the survey, then calls out Nash, who isn't here this week. "Hey Kev, last time I saw you, you were REALLY in a hole in the wall. Yuk yuk yuk." So he calls out Booker T instead. Hall hits him before he's in the ring and it's on. It's all Hall until he whips him, T ducks and hits a forearm. Hot shot, big wheel kick and Hall comes out of the ring. Tony calls him "BT" but we all know BT is a hot techno act. T parts the ropes for Hall, but it ain't happening. Hall back in, waistlock, back elbow by Hall, T slaps him hard. Hall with the kick, punch, and another punch. Whip, dueling hiptoss attempts, T ducks a clothesline, hits one of his own and that's 2. Big punches in the corner, back elbow following the whip, cover but Hall is holding the bottom rope. Submission hold. Big kick takes him down. Bob Ryder and Chad Damiani host "Nitro Wrapup" after the show on wcw.com - oops, too late for you and me. Bob Ryder is biased, by the way - that's ok, so am I. T tries the crossbody but Hall catches him and hits his fallaway slam. T outside the ring, Hall following. Hall is merciless, working on the back. Back in, kicking the back (say, isn't that where he injured him back in August? Is that a story point the commentators are missing? Well, okay.) Whip into the turnbuckle and a follow lariat, and Booker T hits the mat. Hall kicking, T trying to punch his way back into the match, and appears to be succeeding! Whip, dropkick only finds air. Hall drops the elbow but only gets 2. Whip by Hall, sleeper is on. Crowd is standing but it's not something we're supposed to see. Booker with the jawbreaker to break the hold. Whip into the corner, Hall puts the boots up, then comes out with a lariat that takes him out of his boots. 1, 2, no. Hall slaps him in the head(tm). T tries headbutts to the gut, Hall punches away some more. Chop (woooo!), right, Hall calls a spot. Whip, Hall puts the head down and T is kickin'. Scissor kick - oh sorry, it's an AX kick! Both men up, more kicks, nice spinning heel kick. Belly-to-back suplex, breakdance (I've ALMOST missed that but probably not), climbs the ropes, but Hall pushes refere "Blind" Billy Silverman into the path of the missile dropkick. As Booker T. dumps Hall over the top rope with a back bodydrop, referee "Blind" Charles Robinson comes in and rings the bell (DQ 7:15). Commentators speculate that this may be a feud that isn't over. Your main event is NEXT!
Wolfpack T-shirt ad #2.
WWF local house show ad #2.
MICHAEL BUFFER is in his backup tux - his primary one must have gotten lost at the airport.
NO SMOKIN' GIANT v. THE NARCISSIST - Anybody wanna lay odds on how this match ends? Hey, remember when these guys were the best of friends? Remember when WCW insisted on calling them the Tag Team Champions even though Eric Bischoff had the belts immediately back with the Outsiders? Ah well, who cares. Posedown, yawn. These guys still look like they have fun when they work together, though. Lockup, to the corner, Giant misses a clubbin' blow, so Luger hits the big punches and the big kicks. Giant is still on his feet. To the corner, big hit on the turnbuckle, big whip, big reverse, Giant puts up a boot and Luger goes down big. Giant with an elbowdrop. Head to the...lower abdomen. Giant picks him up, another headbutt. Chop (woooo!). Giant chokes Luger on the second rope for 4. Giant with boots to the chest. Now he's standing on the chest. Side Russian legsweep by the Giant (!) - Giant makes a Hoganesque muscular pose. Another Giant elbowdrop. It's gonna suck when Luger comes back and then there's a run-in. Giant stands on Luger, then on the throat - is that a "Goldberg" chant? Right hand to the head. Whip into the opposite corner and Luger goes down hard. Whip into the opposite corner, Luger goes down hard. I'm feeling deja vu! Sign in the crowd: "I HATE GOLDBERG" Giant drops a knee on the shoulder and neck, wow. Giant stands on him for 4. Fieldgoal kick, another, Luger rolls out of the ring. Giant goes out after him. Press slam (almost) over the top rope. Giant paintbrushes him and puts on the badmouth. Giant with a slap, a sledge blow to the back, Giant picks him up - then shoves him down again. This match is like, painful to watch. Giant slaps Luger - oh oh, he's trying to shake it off - oh oh, he's Hulking up - fans are coming alive, there's the pec flex. Big right hand! Another big right! A third big right! Big clothesline! Big repeat! Big repeat! Giant says "Screw this" and grabs his throat for a chokeslam, but Luger hits a big jawbreaker. BIG BODYSLAM! Big Ace toolbox forearm shiver! Luger motions for the rack, yeah right. Just in the nick of time, BRET HART is out with a piece of safety railling, which he proceeds to use on the knee, with the point of the barricade, just like last week with Page and the chair. Looks like the Scorpion Deathlock is applied. Well, here's GOLDBERG. Spear for Giant! Hart is begging off - Goldberg comes at him - Hart steps aside and Goldberg spears *Luger!* Quick, something exciting's happening, time to end the show! This is WCW! (oh yeah - DQ 7:59)
Oops, I didn't make good on my promise to say "fuck." Well, what can I say? The show was better this week! Haa!
CRZ (You start bleeding, I start screaming)