ph767: I read your report that said a person e-mailed you saying that Ric Flair put up his hair for the first and only time in 1978 versus Tim "Mr. Wrestling" Woods to win the NWA US title. While this may be true and it may have been the last time Flair put his hair on the line, it was not the first time he did. I remember that in 1975 (i think) Ric Flair won his very first Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight title from Wahoo Mcdaniel in a title vs hair match. Flair won the belt by knocking Wahoo out with Brass Knuckles, the same way he had won the Mid-Atlantic TV title from Paul Jones nearly 1 year before that. Ironically, he lost the TV title back to Jones in a match where Jones had put HIS OWN hiar up vs the Belt.

Cager: In September 1975, Flair went against Wahoo McDaniel in a hair vs. title match for the Mid-Atlantic belt. Of course, Flair won. In May, 1976, the same thing happened and Flair again beat McDaniel.

Let us take you back to last week's THUNDER! as Vincent no longer wants to be known as Vincent, but instead as "Vince." Then he tries to drink some eggs and fails. Then he finds out they're being filmed - as Hall, Nash, Buff, and Hogan look on from a limo...Hogan says that he guesses they know what time it is. Meanwhile, Morris Day's lawyers get on the phone. By the way, this segment is rated TV-PG-DV.

LIVE from the Reunion Arena in Dallas, TX, it's MONDAY NITRO! Broadcast on Turner Network Television in amazing West Coast tape delay-o-vision 25.1.99, we go right to our announce team of Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and thelivinglegend Larry Zbyszko (who does NOT get up to acknowledge the cheers! Amazing!) who prattle on about Vince and what he did last Thursday, putting a tag team in the tournament that the Wolfpack says wasn't gonna happen, and then losing a 6-man to the Horsemen.

"Earlier Today" at Love Field, Curt Hennig and Stevie Ray whisper about wearing the black 'n' white - Hennig says he hasn't been wearing it for the last three months 'cause he saw this comin' - they're apparently cool. Then Stevie speaks in the normal voice to Norton, Adams, and Horace, sitting about two feet away. They make fun of his "$500 shirt" because he's not wearing a $20 NWO black'n'white shirt. Vince shows up and he too is concerned about Stevie's lack of a T-shirt. Stevie Ray is apparently trying to unionize the black'n'white and they're not interested. Larry milks ANOTHER chant out of the crowd but stays in his seat. Good for him, somebody must have finally gotten to him.

Ric Flair tells the assembled masses that Eric Bischoff is selling souvenirs tonight, and everybody laughs, hoo haa! It IS funny seeing Bischoff with the WCW foam finger on his hand. We don't get to see the haircut because he's sporting the ever-so-cool backwards cap. Flair says tonight we'll see Bischoff walk amongst the people selling merchandise. Can't wait for THAT, can ya?

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! When you hear the disco call - I actually don't have a finisher for that line, oh well.

Opening credits - at seven after, I'll give 'em some leeway and not make fun of 'em tonight

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Wendy's Monterey Chicken!

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Steiner did some bad things to the Nitro Girls, specifically Kimberly. Then on THUNDER! Page said some things about Big Poppa Pump and things getting "real real."

FIREWORKS! We're in DALLAS, TEJAS where the tix sell out in fourteen minutes! Tony welcomes us AGAIN. Tonight: Goldberg/Norton! Hart!

More from the B-team. Stevie Ray asks everybody to get in the car and HE'LL talk to Hogan. He and Hennig exchange knowing glances. Hey, where's Rick Rude?

AL GREENE (So Tired of Being Alone) v. DISCO INFER-NWO - Lockup, Greene takes it to him. Whip, press - Disco manages to escape, though. Waistlock, to the ropes, Disco tumbles backwards but hits a lariat and Greene is outside. Commentators talk about Bischoff. Disco hits Greene from behind and he eats the barricade. Both men back in, short clothseline from Greene for 2. Whip, head down, oops, Disco elbow, pose, swinging neckbreaker. Stomp, stomp, stomp, snapmare, Disco to the second rope, forearm from the second rope for 2. Greene finally comes back, reversing a whip, hitting many repeated back elbows, then a butterfly suplex but only 2. Whip, catches him - and drops him to the mat. Disco staggers to the corner, then sidesteps the charge, whip, reverse, and Disco sidesteps another charge. Gut shot, Chartbuster! 1, 2, 3. (2:55)

Another clip from the airport. Stevie Ray points to the black limo for the Wolfpack, and the two Fords for the black'n'white. In-plane camera! They're talking about Vince - then Hall talks about "trimming more fat." Stevie Ray meets up with Hogan and promptly stabs BOTH Vince and Curt Hennig in the back. "I *tried* to get him to wear the shirt - I gave 'im MY shirt, that's why I got THIS one on!" The Wolfpack takes Hennig out of his car and administers a beating. Huh? Meanwhile, Hogan's taken Vince aside and is telling him how proud he is of him. Huh? Then the black'n'white gets into beating up Hennig too after getting an "it's just business" after questioning what's going on. HUH? I guess it's 'cause Hennig's not wearing an NWO shirt. Everybody trundles into their respective cars and drives off - Stevie Ray unhappy he's been relegated to a Taurus. Well, maybe they'll explain it all later. I guess Hennig's out, anyway.

WCW Bruise Cruise - join the Nitro Girls (and apparently no one else) 17-21 May for all your dreams to come true, or....whatever

SuperBrawl IX is 21 February! I guess it's coinciding with Medieval Times this year - how ELSE can you explain that lame ad?

The WCW/NWO Superstar Series presents "Sting Unmasked!" and "Macho Man Randy Savage - the Man Behind the Madness!"

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, America (ha!) Online, and Hot Pockets

The NWO is walking through the arena - looks like Lex and Liz are with 'em now. Various "funny" comments about various smells. Now they're in their dressing room, and STILL making fun of Stevie's $500 shirt (hey, he got it from the ROCK!) - a NWO black'n'white shirt is handed to him and he's encouraged to change. Hennig is buried (I think - damn you can't make out much of ANYTHING while they're all talking at the same time - does anybody SCRIPT this stuff?) and now we see a split screen of BAM BAM BIGELOW carrying a ladder into the ring. "You know, when I first came on the scene here at WCW, I had one objective, one primary mission, and that was to defeat Bill Goldberg and to take him out. And I'm not gonna stop until that mission is accomplished. But lately there's been a little interference, a little static, a little static - like electricity so to speak. And that's you Scott Hall. Because if you think for one second, one iota, one - idea that you can zap Bam Bam Bigelow and get away with it, well you're dead wrong. You're dead wrong. You may claim to be the king of the ladder match. You may think you're hardcore. Well I've been wrestled in bowling alleys, I've been to buildings, I've been to places that you wouldn't even show up. I've been hardcore, and I've been extreme. Which brings me to this right here, Scott Hall. So what I propose is that we take the stun gun, we raise it above the ring, and we have a ladder match, and we put this to rest. Because I will show you exactly why they call me the Beast from the East, why I am Bam Bam Bigelow, and nothin's gonna stop me." They do a split screen with the NWO dressing room, who make fun of him but don't give us an answer...yet.

Back at the merchandise area, it looks like Eric's trying to overcharge customers...I guess. It could be he's right and the woman's trying to scam WCW for ten bucks, but they don't make it very clear. I dunno.

WCW visits San Diego, Los Angeles, and onsales are Friday for Rochester and San Francisco! I'm too cheap to buy a ticket to see them at the Cow Palace, but I WOULD like to repeat my standing offer to sing the National Anthem. I'll do it for either fed, you know. No favourites with me! I'll see ANYBODY for free!

GENE O. works tonight! And his first order of business is to call out THE MAN, who is in that big main event at SuperBrawl that has everyone buzzing around the water cooler. Flair says "Hogan" about a hundred times. Referring to last Thursday's match, Flair tells Hogan that the Horsemen sent Horace back to him to send a message. Then, turning to Hart, Flair says that at SuperBrawl there will be a US (he says "World") Title defense - and TONIGHT, Hart will take on Booker T. (title match? He don't say) THEN, turning to Nash, he says that tonight, during the Tag Team Tournament match, there will be a wall of wrestlers around the ring. Once more, turning to Hogan, he says that there will be ANOTHER six-man tonight - Hogan and two NWO'ers of his choosing against the Horsemen (him, Benoit and Mongo). Flair says they're gone "kick yo ass, woooo! Woooo! Woooo!"

As we go to break - we happen to alight a camera 'pon the stoic countenance of SCOTT DICKINSON, who just HAPPENS to have scored a front row ticket to tonight's event in Dallas. He must go to the same scalpers as Terri Power!

Closed captioning delivered to you courtesy WESTERN UNION! (No, not LITERALLY)

Let Us Take You Back to Souled Out, where Scott Hall put the taser to both Hall and Bigelow, in case you forgot why Bigelow might want to issue that challenge earlier.

NOT DA MOUNTIE & DISCO INFERNO walk out with a ladder and stun gun in tow. Looks like they had a cable suspended from the ceiling JUST IN CASE someone decided to issue a challenge for a ladder match tonight. Hall says "hey, yo" and then accepts the challenge. He reminds us that he's 6'6" and more handsome than ten movie stars. Then he says "don't sing it, bring it." His interviews remind me of Mad-Libs, actually. Series of interchangable parts and all that. Wow, they're gonna have it now?

NOT DA MOUNTIE (with Disco Infer-NWO) v. BAM BAM BIGELOW in a ladder, stun gun match - we're SUSPICIOUSLY close to the hour, but not very. Hall with toothpick of hilarity, Bigelow with right hand of knockout. Into the corner, massive beal. Back up, in the center of the ring, towering rights from Hall. Bigelow whips, but Hall puts up the boots, and gets a big bulldog. Hall sends Disco for the ladder while Bigelow pounds from behind. Snapmare, diving headbutt, another, meanwhile referee "Blind" Billy Silverman is tossing Disco. Bigelow following to get the ladder - but Hall's up from behind - and Bigelow takes out the ladder reeling from the blow. There's a ladder to the back. Hall takes the ladder, Bigelow pops up and hits him. Ladder shot to Hall. Bigelow picks up the ladder and actually gets to the ring - it's propped up for a whip and there's the whip - no, reversal! Bigelow EATS the ladder hardcore style. Well, kinda. Both men in, ladder in - ladder to Bigelow's gut. Ladder splash in the corner misses - Bigelow pushes him down, then drops the ladder on him again. Repeated ladder shots to Hall. Headbutt. Now the head driven to the ladder. Hall gets hot-shotted on the ladder and as he falls to the floor, he takes the other end of the ladder up into Bigelow's face. Hall up first - back in the ring - got the ladder - ladder slam on Bigelow's back. Hall stomps on the ladder. Hall sets up a Pillmanizer on Bigelow's ankle and stomps on it as we go to an ad break. You wouldn't think of switching the channel at three to the hour, WOULD you?

When we come back, Hall is slumped in a corner and Bigelow is setting up the ladder in the opposite corner. Hall whipped into the ladder. Bigelow follows but Hall steps aside and Bigelow shoulderblocks it. Hall with a bodyslam (wow!) but he holds his back. Hall climbs the corner with ladder in hand - and falls on him Thesz press style. Yow. Hall sets up the ladder over Bigelow and starts his s-l-o-o-o-w climb. Ersatz double feature replays the last move as Bigelow gets up and topples the ladder and Hall. Bigelow stands up the ladder, bodyslams Hall, climbs the ladder (which is NOT in the center of the ring), and - yow! hits the diving headbutt on Hall. Both men slow to get up now. Hall spreads the legs and hits a legdrop in across very private area. Hall repositions the ladder and climbs a bit faster - Bigelow grabs the leg, Hall kicks him off, then decides he'd better hit the elbowdrop from the ladder instead of getting the taser. Hall with a boot to the head. We've turned the hour, in case you care. Hall climbing the ladder - Bigelow up behind him, grabbing the tights, belly-to-back suplex from halfway up the ladder! Bigelow sets up the ladder and climbs rather slowly, Hall dropkicks the ladder and everything falls to the mat. Hall staggers to his feet first, makes a sign of the cross (ha) and climbs again. JUST before getting the taser, Bigelow goes under the ladder, picks it up and drops him. Bigelow is up - HE'S GOT IT - but Hall is behind and there's the Golotta. Bigelow falls but holds onto the taser - DISCO INFERNO is back out and handing ANOTHER taser to Hall (ugh) - as Disco walks away, GOLDBERG is out to spear him. And now Goldberg is in the ring - both men turn their attention to HIM - Goldberg with the crappy double spear and now he's got both crappy tasers and zapping both men (No contest 13:59) - what a crappy ending to a great match. Fuck you, WCW. Switch to RAW RIGHT NOW, I don't care HOW crappy it is. God damn it, why would you RUIN such a great match? WHY? Anyway, SCOTT NORTON rescues Hall by giving him some shots - Hall gets a zap on Goldberg on his way out - looks like those taser shots aren't as incapacitating as they've been in the past. Goldberg roars. Scott Norton is next, you know. Replay of the double spear shows that if Bigelow had a brain, he'd have been able to get a zap in during that spear.

CHUCK NORRIS is in the audience. He wanted to superkick Jeff Jarrett but he wasn't informed that Jarrett had left WCW like a year ago.

WCW THUNDER! for the PlayStation ad.

In the locker room, Gene O. talks to BRET HART about his nontitle (oh) match with Booker T. Hart says that he's a stand-up guy and he doesn't know why Flair has such a grudge against him? Then he calls Booker T. a "loser." "I wanna axe YOU a question - do you want to step in the ring with the excellence of execution, the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be?" Hart says that the one guy who has earned a United States title shot is *El Dandy*. Hart suggests that Psychosis might be a suitable opponent as well. Then he says Dean Malenko might want the shot - too bad he's home injured, even though a GRAWN INJURY is the KING of all Mack Daddy injuries, baby, but Hart can wrestle THROUGH the pain. Hart lambastes Flair again, saying that he only has a grudge against him because he's BEATEN him at every turn. He tries to get Gene to admit that he's right, but he won't. Gene fails to ask Hart if he's part of the NWO.

All the people who wouldn't normally get television time are out to serve as ring guards for the next match

FACES OF FEAR (with James Hart) v. FIT FINLAY & SQUIRE DAVE TAYLOR in a Tag Team Tournament match - Barbarian and Finlay start. Hart takes a position next to Hugh Morrus - hmmm...lockup, to the corner with a blatant choke on Finlay. Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson forces the break and Finlay puts in an eyepoke. European uppercut, Finlay walks up the back and elbows him in the nose - that's patented, I think. Big-time stompin' and elbowdrops from Finlay. 1, 2, Barbarian kicks him out of the ring. Finaly makes a run at Hart but Morrus stands in front of him. Back in, Barbarian with an atomic drop. There's that standard where Finlay holds onto the rope as he's dragged flying into the center of the ring. Foot to the lower abs. Tag to Meng, who is all over him and on the throat. Whip, dropkick. MTV's "Snowed In" is hyped - Jimmy Hart, Rob Zombie and Larry Zbyszko, whee. Meng still in control but Finlay manages a kick and a European uppercut. Finlay is in, there's a doubleteam. It's just like a tag. Nice flying headscissors. Repeated European uppercuts, Meng comes back with a punch the floors him. Foot to the abs, tag, make a wish. Barbarian takes him into the corner and chops away (woooo!), foot on the throat, headbutt, Taylor comes back with European uppercuts, but Barbarian floors him with one blow. Bodyslam. Stomp, rake of the face into a headlock, Finlay kicks him. Robinson puts him back while Barbarian continues with the headlock. I still give this match only a 50/50 chance of a decision. Tag to Meng, timber! My Meng impersonation: "Ah huh huhuhuhuhuh. Ah huhuhuhuhuh." Sunset flip doesn't work. STomp on the face. Taylor manages a desperation tag. Finlay tries a takedown but it doesn't work. They trade blows in the corner and Finlay DOES manage a snapmare and a big butt drop. 1, 2, no. European forearm, Meng absorbs it and lets a blow fly of his own. Into the corner, tag to Barbarian. Chop (woooo!), measuring him, whip, through the ropes. Everybody puts their hands up, then when Robinson turns his back, they throw him back in lumberjack style. Back to trading blows, Finlay with an eyepoke. Forward roll slam by Finlay! Tag to Taylor - European uppercuts - puts him in a double underhook but Meng comes in and waffles him from behind. Meng bodyslam. Double diving headbutt! Finlay breaks up the tag at 1. Hart on the apron - Finlay's got him while the Faces of Fear double team - Meng with a backbodydrop into a Barbarian powerbomb. 1, 2, 3. (7:29) Hart AND Hugh Morrus celebrate in the ring with the victors.

Highlights of last Thursday's match between Kidman & Chavo vs. Horace & Adams, which resulted in an NWO win when Vince used a strategic placement of Stevie Ray's slapjack (which Stevie apparently didn't know about at the time, ooh)

Nitro Girls calendar ad.

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! Tony drops everything at the sight of WHISPER!

Let Us Take You Back (again) to last week's THUNDER! where Perry Saturn wrestled in the dress and had no problems with Al Greene. Bobby Heenan has joined the commentary team.

THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC NORMAN SMILEY (yellow) v. PERRY SATURN, A VERY PRETTY MAN - Smiley promises a spankin' tonight and repeated asks "Who's Your Daddy?" Backstage, we see that a lot of Security has been posted at the Nitro Girls' locker room, while a security honcho mimes "big biceps" so we know that he's describing Steiner to the other guys. "Smiley, you're not gettin' jiggy with me!" That wacky Smiley. Heenan: "You'll notice: braless!" Saturn with a shove as we start. Lockup, side headlock by Saturn. Smiley powers out but eats a shoulderblock, back and forth we go, leapfrog, back to the headlock. Pushing him off again, Saturn catches him with both arms, there's the overhead suplex and Smiley rolls out of the ring. Saturn kicks on the way back in. Back to that side headlock. Smiley manages a belly-to-back suplex. Referee "Blind" Johnny Boone has GOT to be related to departed referee Brady Boone, that's very sad. Off the ropes we go, reversal, oops, head down, there's a kick and after throwing Saturn against the ropes, Smiley buries a knee in the gut. Smiley teases the "doing it in da butt and smackin' my bitch up" dance. Saturn comes back, Smiley ducks the clothesleine, leapfrog, duck, duck, powerslam by Smiley. Nice sequence. 1, 2. By the way, Smiley's match with Chavo at Souled Out WAS quite a fine match, Scaia's opinion notwithstanding, sorry. Let's take an ad break in the middle of this rear chinlock.

We come back as Smiley is in a sleeper - turns into it and hits another belly-to-back suplex. Both men down. Smiley up first - Irish whip into the corner - repeated kicks, whip into the opposite corner and the swoop slam as he comes out. Unsettling pec flex from Smiley. Double underhook - into the piledriver position - nope, slam. 1, 2, no. To the ropes, Saturn rolls him up coming off for 2. Smiley with a quick lariat. Elbowdrop from Smiley but only 2. Stomp. Kick to the head. Another stomp. Face to the canvas. You hate my play-by-play, I already know it, don't bother complaining to me. Whip into the opposite corner, both men hit clotheslines on the way back out. Saturn up first. Springs off the scond rope but hits the knees. Smiley is up and DANCIN' and SPANKIN' and the crowd loves it. Whip off the ropes, towering back bodydrop but ONLY 2. Front facelock - suplex position - yep, half hour suplex there. 1, 2, shoulder up. Smiley takes him to the rope and pounds him in the back - Saturn's bleeding. Smiley gets up behind him and - because this isn't homo-erotic ENOUGH - does the dance to Smiley. Saturn, angered, hits the superkick, and hits the fists o' plenty. Head to the turnbuckle. Rights and lefts. Super-Kwang! Whip into the opposite corner, picks him up and slams him down. Saturn to the top - DAMN! That kneedrop looks like it CAVED in his head. Saturn does a Smiley dance of his own, then hits the (gentle?) Spicolli driver for the pinfall. (10:48) Smiley is STILL holding his head and neck. We cut to a shot of Scott Dickinson looking on with ice in his veins.

Gene O. is down to the front row - after pushing away a young lad sitting nearby, Okerlund tries to interview Dickinson, who says that he's bought a ticket, then says the suspension was bogus and that he got no due process and no appeal. Dillon's just trying to get over with Flair, you see. Finally, Dickinson walks away from Okerlund. I don't know if Dickinson's a bad actor, or if he's trying to make us think he's losing it, but his answers were REAL flat. I guess we'll find out down the road...

Bruise Cruise ad. PLEASE go! We're desperate!

HERSCHEL WALKER is in the house! And he knows how to make the symbol of the Diamond Cutter!

Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight Where Flair Talked About Bret Hart Woooo! and Booker T. Woooo!

BRET HART v. BOOKER T. in a nontitle match - Hart bravely walks to the ring despite his devastating groin injury. That must be ferral in the crowd because who else would make signs for HIM? Hart is slow to get in the ring after sliding out when Booker T. enters. Hart offers the Hand of Friendship and T. slaps it away. We lockup with almost a full minute gone by. TO the corner, Booker T. with with four knees, a kick, a knee, a punch, out of the corner and here's a whip and a lariat and Hart smartly slides out of the ring again. Hart, when he wrestles, is my FAVOURITE wrestler in the Big 2, I'm sorry. I love watching these matches. Hart ducks under the top rope as T. approaches. Now the test of strength is on and Booker T. drives him down, down, all the way to the mat, where he stomps on both hands. Hart backas into the corner, T. goes after him, whips him into the other corner, but Hart puts up the boots on the following charge. Gutshot, atomic drop. Hart with a right. D-D-T. Crowd boos lustily. There's the shot to the lower abs. Hart rakes the face on the top rope. Shot to the back, to the back of the head. Head to the turnbuckle. Hart is PICKING HIM APART. Choke for 4. Referee "Blind" Randy Anderson warns him. Another shot. Hart throws him out of the ring and follows - Booker T. tries a gut shot but can't stop being taken to the barricade. Hart with a mic cable choke for 4. Anderson is out of the ring to separate them. Booker T. very slow to get up as Hart waits for him to get up. Right hand, now he's rolled back in the ring - Hart follows and drops a forearm. Picking him up - suplex setup, no! Booker T. rolls into an inside cradle for 2. To the corner, Hart with the punches, T. fires back with punches of his own and fires up the crowd. Right hand. Whip, Hart ducks the clothesline but not the Harlem sidekick. 1, 2, kickout! T. calls to the crowd. Forearm - Hart's trick knee acts up and crotches Booker T. Side Russian legsweep. Foot placed on the bottom rope, leg draped across and Hart sits on it, Potsie. Hart wrenches the knee, pulls him to the centre of the ring, and yanks it backwards. Booker T. is a one-legged man now. Hart wraps the leg around the second rope and pulls - all Booker T. can do is pull the hair - Anderson tries to separate them physically but it ain't working. Hart gogues most of Booker T.'s facial parts. Hart with the FIGURE FOUR! This message to Flair is not lost on the crowd. 1, 2, no. 1, 2, no. Booker T. is in excruciating pain and puts the shoulders down again. 1, 2, no. Booker T. looks for some roof raising and the crowd rises - T tries to turn and just as he turns it, we TAKE A FUCKING AD BREAK? FUCK YOU, WCW!

When we come back, Hart has once again put the figure four on Booker T. T. looks for the crowd and rolls the hold one more time. Hart gets up and Booker does not. Kick to the knees, stomp again. Hart picks him up - he can barely stand - and hits the backbreaker. 1, 2, kickout. Right hand by Hart. Whip off the ropes, duck, flying jalapeno by Booker T. He manages to get up - kick - axe kick off the ropes! Call to the crowd andhe gets an answer. Snap suplex, breakdance, BIG Harlem sidekick! Sidewalk slam (not called), he's up to the top rope - HARLEM HANGOVER MISSES! Hart rolls out of the ring and takes the US title belt. Anderson tells him he'd better not, but nothing doing. Hart to the scond rope - but the foot is up as he comes off! Both men up. Gutshot kick by Booker T. Superkick! Hart rolls out of the ring, Booker follows and takes his head to the barricade. Throat first on the rail! Mic cable choke! Booker T. with an axehandle to the back. I am now worried WCW will somehow fuck this up by not giving me an ending. Thrown back in, Booker T. comes back in with the cable and chokes him AGAIN. As Anderson takes the cable out of the ring, Hart gives Booker a faceful of United States title. That's it. 1, 2, 3. MATCH OF THE WEEK. Sorry Rock. Sorry Mankind. (15:34)

JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME has a big thumbs up for us.

Repeat of Scott Steiner after the Nitro Girls clip montage from last week.

Bruise Cruise ad repeat.

What better way to kill my buzz than to show a "hilarious" shot of Eric Bischoff trying to hawk merchandise up in the stands? Har har! I don't care!

SCOTT NORTON v. (bill) GOLDBERG - THIS may very well do nicely. Norton: "Goldberg's going down! Going down!" Uh huh. Here's your trivia question for the week: How long does it take to fall from IWGP World Heavyweight Champion to Goldberg's job boy du jour? Sign in crowd: "KNOW YOUR ROLE, WWF...WCW RULES!" Why'd they use a WWF quote for that? They stand nose to nose. Chopfest (woooo!) from Norton - Goldberg just picks him up and tries a whip, Goldberg holds on, stops in his tracks, and gives Norton a knee, then picks him up in a fireman's carry and hits an overhead slam. Cross armbreaker and Norton's to the ropes. Knees from Goldberg - delayed powerslam (wow!) by Goldberg. Goldberg pounding away. Coming off the ropes, Norton hits a powerslam, but Goldberg pops right back up. Savat kick sends Norton outside. Goldberg lies in wait as Norton gives a cool look. Goldberg finally decides to leave the ring, jumps off the apron - Norton catches him with one arm and takes him to the corner of the ring hard. Then to the barricade. Chop (woooo!), again (woooo!), Norton kicks the STEEL steps out of the way and goes back on him. Headbutt! Pounding away again. Now he's out on the mat - but before he can drive his head into the STEEL ringpost, Goldberg wriggles away and it's NORTON hitting the post. Goldberg breaks the count and goes back to his man - or should I say prey? Kickin' and punchin' - Norton holds onto the barricade but is freed - Norton shipped across the floor but Norton stops and turns back - now they're trading blows - there's a short clothesline from Norton and both men are down. Both men up - Goldberg to the barricade again. Norton rolls him back in. Norton to the top rope?? Shoudlerblock off the top (!) - 1, kickout just before 2. Norton with a belly-to-back suplex - this time he gets the 2 count. Another short clothesline. Headbutt from Norton. Into the corner we go. Chops aplenty (woooo!). Goldberg tries to shake it off, whip into the opposite corner, Norton charges - and hits - powerbomb attempt - but Goldberg rolls up and out. Spear! Ewwww....big loogie s-l-o-w-l-y leaves his mouth. Jackhammer here? Dammit. 1, 2, 3. (5:32) Too late, the NWO B-TEAMERS are out but they play the part of the ninjas, attacking one at a time so that Our Hero has no problem getting through them. Then, all the aforementioned celebrities (Walker, Norris, Van Damme, and also BRETT HULL) get in the ring because...hey, GOLDBERG. Nuff said. Or something.

THUNDER! ad.

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by 10-10-9000! It's EXPENSIVE!

wcw.com ad.

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! That big six-man tag is coming up later! Before Tony can announce onsale dates, SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER has joined the commentary table so he can watch - some would say "stalk" but certainly not me - the Nitro Girls, most notably Kimberly. Tony says this "transcends pro-wrestling." Well, it might be transcendental, but I don't think we're thinking the same things here.

That was IT for this segment? Arrrrgh!

Promotional consideration paid for by Hot Pockets, Arrid XX Total Sport, and Sudden Change under-eye something or other.

Let's Take A Special Video Look at Flair and Hogan - the main event for SuperBrawl IX, coming SOON to PPV near you! Hey, they muted the word "ass!"

MICHAEL BUFFER is out. Is it just me, or is there a half hour left in this show? Does each of the six men in this match get a two minute entrance or something? I guess we'll find out together...

Hogan has selected Steiner and Nash - all three come out together to the Wolfpack theme. I don't know how well it works with Nash being such a big babyface to the crowd, coming out with two pretty fair hated wrestlers. I don't know why Hogan has to yap and yap and yap and YAP on his way to the ring - not that we need to hear Buffer anyway... well, there are a lot of things I don't know, but there is one thing I DO know, and that one thing is this: the Wolfpack is most definitely in the house. Steiner has words for Dallas Page (your wife's flirting with me, &c.) while Hogan reserves HIS words for Ric Flair. Nothing worth hearing of course. Wow, all Nash said was that they were in the House. THIS must be why they started the match this early - this particular segment is killing off about seven minutes. Let's take an ad break!

Now we've got about twenty minutes left in the show. Buffer gets through 2/3 of the introductions before the Horsemen rush the ring -

YOU KNOW WHO & BIG POOCHIE & SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER v. THE MAN & CHRIS BENOIT & STEVE McMICHAEL - and we're off! Everybody pairs off - Flair and Hogan, Benoit and Steiner, and Nash and McMichael. Everybody's doin' something. Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson obviously has no control here. Hogan & Nash doubleteam on Flair to get an advantage on him. Benoit and McMichael try to even things up but the number seem to favour the NWO as they're both thrown out. Now they throw FLAIR out, which Heenan thinks is a waste of a good opportunity - hey Heenan, Flair's your PAL, c'mon. Now it looks like we'll get back into the tag formula. Tony takes this time to wonder where Sting is. Benoit and Steiner in. Sounds like Alex Wright no-showed again, as the commentators wonder aloud AGAIN where he is. Eh, who cares. Lockup, off the ropes, shoulderblock by Steiner. Pose by Steiner. Military press - and he drops him. Kick by Steiner. In the corner, punches in bunches by Steiner, whip into the opposite corner, Benoit puts the boot up, hammers away, then hits the double Okie blow (Chris, it's not cool anymore) and turns to Hogan - Steiner pops up and punches him. Benoit ducks a clothesline off the rope and hits one of his own. Benoit up, dropkick down - Scott rolls out and Benoit flips the four to the NWO corner. Steiner back in - tag to Nash. Here's a size difference to gawk at. Nash wants the test of strength - no, he wants to sucker him in for a knee, then an elbow. Benoit put in the corner - repeated knees to the sternum. Framed elbow from Nash. Nash picks him up, Benoit squirts out and takes Nash into the corner. HEre's some chops (woooo!), head to the turnbuckle, tag to Mongo, kicks, Mongo kicks. Mongo with an UGLY slam. Elbowdrop. 1, 2, kickout. Rights from Mongo. Benoit perches on top - tag - swandive headbutt - Hogan breaks the count. Benoit with a right and a whip, which is reversed into Steiner, who hits him - Benoit turns to hit him back, and eats a Nash boot turning back around. Tag to Hogan. Right hand, back rake (ha!), off the rope, lariat, Hogan spits at Flair, who comes in and distracts the ref. Steiner and Hogan switch off while Robinson's back is turned, trying to keep McMichael and Flair in the corner. Belly-to-belly suplex. 1, 2, kickout - Steiner says something that gets muted to the ref while threatening him. Scoop and a slam. Tag to Nash. Elbowdrop for 2. Off the ropes - sidewalk slam for 2 - McMichael makes the save. Robinson again turns to Flair and McMichael, allowing a switch with no tag as Hogan is in. Side suplex! Hogan knows wrestling moves! 1, 2, kickout. Let's take a STUPID ad break.

Those are some nice white boots Hogan's wearing! It's still Hogan and Benoit when we come back - Benoit is finally starting to come back with a chop (woooo!) but Steiner gives him a head to the buckle. Whip into the opposite corner, follow clothesline. Hogan gives a crotch chop to Flair, who comes in (man, he's STUPID tonight) allowing Steiner a tagless switch. Arrogan cover only gets 2. Nash is in now. "We want Flair" chant as Nash hits a scoop slam. Nash throws an elbow to Flair, who comes in. This time he isn't stopped as Nash takes it to him, now Mongo is in, now Steiner is on him. Now Hogan chokes Benoit while all this is going on. When order is restored, it's Steiner tying Benoit to the Tree of Woe - in his own corner - Hogan holds the ankles while Nash puts a facelock on him from the floor. Hogan in - kicking away as Benoit is STILL upside down. Now he collapses on the mat. Hogan removes his weight belt. Whip! There's two. Flair says "God damn it! C'mon Chris!" and the wrong part gets muted. Hogan covers but that's only 2. Vertical suplex from Hogan. Cover - 2. Blatant choke, repeat. Tag to Nash. Nash takes him to the corner and stands on the throat. The big boot misses as he ducks out of the corner. Benoit is reaching for his corner, crawling, crawling, but Scott Steiner is in with a boot to the head. Big bearhug off the whip off the ropes. Those biceps are just frightening, you know. And THEN he turns it into an overhead suplex - Benoit lands RIGHT on his head. Tag to Hogan. Hogan covers - 1, 2, shoulder up! Hogan can't believe it. Scoop and a slam - elbowdrop - 1, 2, no! Hogan drags him up and slaps him right in the face. Scoop and a slam. That's it - big legdrop MISSES! Benoit falls towards his corner - TAG TO FLAIR! Flair is a house on fire on Hogan but Steiner and Nash are quickly in. Now everybody's in. Flair with a Golotta on Steiner as Nash fights Nash out of the ring. Everybody on the outside but Hogan and Flair - Flair setting him up for the figure four - oops, here's CRACKA EAZY-E who hands Nash a foam finger with a 2x4 inside - as the figure four is applied, Nash is in and he's packing quite a wallop. (DQ 17:55) Bischoff has some clippers out for Flair - oh, I should note the fake bangs applied to his backwards cap, ok - now he's going to shave him. The rest of the NWO is out - now WCW is out - it's a big brawl - now MORE WCW is out - now it looks like the NWO guys are hightailing it - or trying to...Hey, here's Rey Mysterio Jr! Hogan, whining to Bischoff: "He tried to break my leg! He tried to break my leg!" Oops, there's one guy left that hasn't come out yet - GOLDBERG is standing in the entry way. AGAIN the NWO does the "black ninja team" trick and as Goldberg makes his way through them one by one, we are now outta time.