TV-PG-DV Earlier Today, Curt Hennig & Barry Windham arrive with plans of winning the tag team titles to get back at Hall & Nash for what they done to Hennig last week.

Your commentators are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and thelivinglegend Larry Zbyszko.

Earlier Today, the Nitro Girls did some practice and there HAPPENED to be a camera on hand to capture the action! Scott Steiner came out and hit on Kimberly, who ended up falling backwards over A.C. Jazz (conveniently on all fours at the time) and apparently knocking herself out cold. Chae and another one (forgive me, I can't identify ALL of them by sight) look on with great concerned.

GENE O. works tonight! He welcomes REY MYSTERIO JR. and I HATE KONNAN to the ring. Mysterio is inexplicably wearing his LWO shirt and Konnan's Music Video soundtrack is playing. Konnan speaks on dis. I personally don't find Minnesota particularly 'bout-it. Konnan sends a shout-out to Frost just to PISS ME OFF. Rey tells us that his mask means a lot to him. Rey grew up watching Kevin and Lex, and he had much love, they showed much love, then they did that damn thing with the lawn dart, why the HELL is Rey talkin' like Konnan? "Drop tha knowledge," gimme a break. It's all good, it's all good, bum rush, shooting a teller in a wheelchair, strawberries, bow down, 9 double, 1-8-7, I think somewhere in there, Rey & Konnan issue a challenge to Lex & Kevin. Stand up dogs, sit down in the bathroom to take aim, play Rey's music, what time is it? Morris Day! Morris Day! Morris Day! It's going to be a long night!

Brian Adams, Horace, Scott Norton, and Stevie Ray stand in a freezing airport terminal - Vince joins them to mention that there aren't any cars available for them, and they don't have a reservation. Stevie Ray says he's already taken care of it, and takes the black 'n' white to a waiting limo. Oops, only four seats and five of them. So they leave Vince there. Adams says "This ain't Driving Miss Daisy - get to steppin'!" which really confuses me. Vince has the SPEED DIAL, though, and calls up Kevin Nash. Another limo pulls up almost IMMEDIATELY, and it looks like the Wolfpack is in there. They're more than happy to give a seat to Vince. Huh?

Opening Credits (or as I like to call them, "Twelve Minutes After Opening Credits")

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by M&M's - the candy of something or other

Hey, look! It's the Nitro Girls! (sans Kimberly)

We are LIVE from the Target Centre in Minneapolis, MN 1.2.99 for WCW MONDAY NITRO on TNT!

Ric Flair escorts Eric Bischoff outside to the back of the Target Center where a conveniently placed dunkin' booth awaits. WCW employees are apparently going to line up to throw balls at the Target target. Bischoff says he'll do it, but he'll have the last laugh. This lasts about half an hour.

FIREWORKS! The Treacherous Three talk about how Flair is FINALLY going to keep Bischoff from having the last laugh - he won't be able to do anything as an ice cube.

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week as Stevie Ray rats out Curt Hennig to Hollywood Hogan - I think the best part of this bit is Brian Adams going from "He was like a brother to us man!" to wailing on Hennig in like FIVE seconds.

CURT HENNIG & BARRY WINDHAM v. CHRIS BENOIT & DEAN MALENKO in a Tag Team Title Tourney match - I guess, once and for all, Windham isn't in the NWO? I guess? An entire minute of stalling to start. Hennig and Benoit start. Lockup, no. Lockup, side headlock by Hennig, power out, shoulderblock down, off the ropes, drop toehold by Benoit, to the kicks, Hennig to the outside. Back in, cheap shot. Hennig in command. Chop (woooo!), arm wringer is reversed, there's the Hennig patented "feet in the air" spot. Benoit with chops (woooo!), off the ropes, double thrust. To the corner, tag to Malenko, head to the turnbuckle, repeated European forearms, into the opposite corner, Hennig gets a foot up. Malenko pulls the hair and wails away with rights, shot for Windham for good measure. Hennig back into the Horsemen corner, Malenko stompin' a lot. Tag. DOuble whip, double back elbow. 1, 2, no barely. Benoit picks him up - snap suplex. 1, 2, no. Ad break.

When we come back, all four men are out on the floor and referee "Blind" Mickey Jay has picked up his count. Now we're back in - Benoit with the double noggin knocker. 1, 2, Hennig kicks out. Tag to Malenko. Headbutt. Whip, big knee for 2. Hey, look! SCOTT DICKINSON is in the audience! And he's developing a nice facial tic! Meanwhile, Benoit is back in - baseball slide finds nobody, Hennig with a chop (woooo!), and back in he's thrown. Tag to Windham - whip, huge lariat. 1, 2, no. Overhand suplex for 2. Kimberly was knocked unconscious, oh come on. Windham with some chops (woooo!). Fans spring to life but Windham drives Benoit's head into Hennig's boot. Tag, double whip, double clothesline. Malenko distracts the ref some more, so Hennig throws Benoit out and Windham follows to deliver some more punishment. Gouging of several facial orifices by Windham. Thrown back in to Hennig, who is sporting the purty 'fro. Now they're exchanging chops (woooo!) and Hennig gets the better of that exchange. Right hand. Out of the corner, whip is reversed but Hennig puts a boot up. As Hennig comes out, though, Benoit puts the Crippler crossface on - Windham sees that that's broken up, though. Hennig with a slam. Climbing the corner, elbowdrop misses - Benoit crawls to the corner, tag to Windham, tag to Malenko. He's a house on fire! Another of them funny leg lariats from Malenko, Hennig hit out of the ring. Big back bodydrop on Windham. Vertical suplex only gets 2. Tag to Benoit. Benoit kicks and Windham falls into his corner to tag Benoit. Now they're trading blows. Now all four men in the ring. Benoit dumps Hennig as Windham sets up Malenko for the superplex. Superplex hits! Benoit climbs the opposite corner and takes himself out hitting Windham with the swandive headbutt. Hennig is back in with a kick - Hennigplex here - pinfall there. (12:52) Holy crap, what's this CLEAN finish doing on Nitro?

"Who wants to see Bischoff get dunked?" J.J. Dillon throws the softballs as the luchadores cheer him on. Ewww, Bischoff in a wet T-shirt.

Two limos - two groups of NWO exit - Stevie Ray walks up to Nash and tries to rat out Vince, who magically appears. Peace is apparently made...for now...

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, America (ha!) Online, and Croissant Pockets.

Stevie Ray is still complaining as the black'n'white make their way to their locker room - will there be fruit? Even better, there's four of the Godfather's finest ho's!

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week's Big Six-Man Tag Main Event As Hogan Whips Benoit A Lot

Gene O. brings out THE MAN to do that shtick that the crowd loves so well. Bischoff is gonna be wet all night, woooo. The internal mechanism of the NWO is falling apart, sayeth Flair, and did he just call Vince Virgil? WCW is standing tall, woooo! Oh, and on the 21st Flair and Hogan are gonna fight for the World Championship. Funk, Brisco, Rhodes, Race, Brody, Savage, Piper, Hart are namedropped. "I will never look like you, but I will tie you into knots, just like that. Woooo!" Turning to Bret Hart, Flair says "push your documentary somewhere else" and names Chris Benoit the #1 Contender to the United States Heavyweight title. Hart and Benoit will wrestle at SuperBrawl and I bet that'll be a corker (no, SERIOUSLY). And now here's SCOTT HALL (with DISCO INFERNO) walking to the ring, mic in hand. "Hey yo - Ric Flair, you may be the President of the WCW, but everybody here in Minneapolis came to see the N-W-O. You may be able to boss Eric Bischoff around, but you don't tell Scott Hall what to do. Your buddy, Chris Benoit is the #1 Contender, why? 'Cause he washes your car? I'm the guy who took the belt offa Goldberg, I'm the guy who beat Bam Bam Bigelow, you keep looking at me like that I'm gonna be the guy that beats you." Flair talks back, Hall says he'd be happy to prove himself against Benoit right now. Well, here's CHRIS BENOIT, who says something about a foot and a browneye, and it's on. Benoit takes shots at Hall and Flair to Disco - Wolfpackers flee and Flair says Benoit/Hall can happen tonight, woooo!

WCW onsales coming up for Chapel Hill for Nitro, Florence, Bethlehem, Greenville, and Winston-Salem for THUNDER!

Closed captioning where available (huh?) brought to you by JollyTime! When you think closed captioning, think popcorn!

KENNY KAOS v. FAR OUT VAN HAMMER - *this* is what you put up against the beginning of RAW? Commentators give condolences to the family of Giant Baba, and I do too. We take another look at Scott Dickinson, who takes off really quickly after muttering something to no one in particular. I'm getting the feeling that even the commentators, even the people on the crew have no interest in how this match turns out. Is that the SANDMAN? Hmm, barbed wire - that LOOKS like a Singpaore cane - Hammer with a spinebuster for the pin. (2:30) Caneshot across the back of the head - repeated cane shots - Sandmanesque pose. Side Russian legsweep - yep, it's him. I thought he was the wacky neighbour Jim now? "Yo! You know what ticks me off! When somebody comes out here in WCW and tries to take credit for my work! Yeah, lotta guys call themselves hardcore - d'ya see 'em coming to the ring with barbed wire wrapped around 'em? I was the first man to take down these ropes and put up barbed wire and have a match inbetween 'em. I was the first man to wrap barbed wire around a baseball bat and crush somebody's head with it. I was the first man to wrap barbed wire around my body and jump off the top of a steel cage through a table on somebody! Bam Bam Bagelow! You think you're hardcore? Well you're talkin' to the king of extreme! I've watched you hunt Goldberg, I've watched you hunt Nash, how's it feel to be hunted? I ain't leavin' 'til you get out in this ring Bigelow." Let's take an ad break.

Hey, you know what? This would have been great except he didn't come out until AFTER RAW STARTED. So close...such bad time management.

Mortal Kombat is NEXT!

We come back as BAM BAM BIGELOW walks out.

THAT GUY v. BAM BAM BIGELOW - Cane, cane, TV-PG-DV, cane, cane. commentators calling him "the guy." Choke with the cane. Tenay: "Sounds like their paths have crossed before!" Cane, Bigelow rolls to the outside, baseball slide dropkick. Cane on the outside, cane, turns to the camera and says "extreme." Cane - running off the apron, Bigelow catches him and takes his back to the STEEL ringpost. Head to the post. Bigelow with trash talk, rolls him back in the ring. Bigelow steps on the cane, preventing him from picking it up. He's got a chair, big chairshot over his head. Superkick. More stompin' from Bigelow. Diving headbutt. He's got the chair again - 'cross the back. Kick to the sternum. Right hand. Whip into the opposite corner, charge, but that guy puts up his boot. Cane, clothesline. Bulldog onto the chair. He's got the barbed wire! Better pull way back...Tony implore us to use caution with our youngsters watching at home. Bigelow has come to, meanwhile, before he can get the wire loose. Head to the (non-barbed-wire) turnbuckle. Kicks aplenty. Whip - reverse - nope, he pounds him instead of whipping him into the wire. Cane to the throat clothesline-style, Bigelow falls on the chair. Guillotine legdrop onto the cane onto Bigelow. Bigelow gets up and hits a DDT on the chair. Bigelow up first. Whip into the barbed wire - Bigelow follows with an avalanche splash. Diving headbutt off the top rope - Greetings from Asbury Park - 1, 2, 3. (6:12). Hey, what WAS all that anyway? What about Raven? Ha ha.

Backstage, we see the head cameraman try to dunk Bischoff - he gets about 200 throws and then the camera cuts out.

Special Video Look at Liz and Lex talkin' Goldberg. No comment.

Nitro Girls calendar ad.

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! They look a little sadder because Kimberly isn't out with them. Actually, they don't.

Scott Dickinson is backstage throwing softballs like a disgruntled employee would. He DOES manage to dunk Bischoff at least. The camera cuts out again -

so the Treacherous Three talk about Kimberly some more. And Steiner, and Diamond Dallas Page. I bet this leads to a special video look! Later tonight, Hall/Benoit.

Backstage, we see Kidman ratting out Steiner to DDP. Page powerwalks around, presumably looking for Steiner. Fortunately, when he goes behind the door to the Wolfpack locker room

there's a camera on the other side. Page asks where Steiner is. They don't tell him. Page says everybody better pray, especially Steiner. Steiner immediately emerges after Page disappears, and we are led to believe he's in some hot freaky nook-nook action when the hand of a lady drags him back into whatever room. Nash directs Vince to deliver a message to Page saying Scott will accept whatever he wants, a match, whatever - then smack him in the mouth. Vince goes outside and tells Disco Inferno to go tell Diamond Dallas Page that Scotty Steiner wants a match, then slap him right in the mouth - that'll be the cue for the rest of the NWO to come out and beat him down. Disco buys this, of course.

Meanwhile, DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE has made his way into the ring. You know he's serious 'cause he didn't have time to walk out through the crowd. DISCO INFERNO appears in the ring with his message from the back - Steiner would like a match - how about SuperBrawl? Oh, and one more thing - then he slaps him. He looks to the back - and nobody's there. Page gives him a high knee and a Diamond Cutter, then walks away.

Back in the dressing room, the NWO busts Vince's chops, then Nash proclaims "Vince is actually gettin' smart!" and there are kudos all around.

Meanwhile, Page takes - what, isn't that Hennig's car? and drives away.

You following all this? There will be a test later.

SuperBrawl promo. The few, the proud...

WCW/NWO THUNDER! ad.

Bobby Heenan is missing, so we are treated to another 90 minutes of Zbyszko, apparently.

KIDMAN v. LASH LeROUX for the World Cruiserweight Championship - The Ragin' Cajun graduates from Saturday Night! I still don't think he has a chance. Frankensteiner here, Frankensteiner there, steps set up but Kidman ducks a cross body over the barricade, then hits one of his own. The camera backstage is cutting out from the freezing water hitting the cords, we are told. Back in the ring - Kidman hits a plancha for 2. Gobehind. Kick to the gut - doubleunderhook into a powerbomb. EVERYBODY misses Heenan, which almost makes me wonder if it's unplanned. LeRoux with a choke. Elbow - knee, but Kidman hangs on and rolls him up for 2. Kidman with the fists of fire. LeRoux takes him up and lets him fall. Peppering him with rights, he breakdances much better than the Road Dogg, lariat. To the rear chinlock. Tony mentions Heenan again. "Green Bay sucks" chant usually indicates boredom amongst the crowd. Kidman up - hard whip and he trips on his way to the corner, splash - LeRoux with a Flair-esque flop - Kidman to the top rope - big splash misses. LeRoux up - there's a - hold - of some sort. Whip off the ropes, Kidman with a kick. "Powerslam suplex" from LeRoux for 2. Into the corner, set up on the top rope - Kidman powerbombs him instead. Referee "Blind" Johnny Boone puts on the count. Both men up at 5. Kidman with the Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine. Whip, off the ropes, clothesline. 1, 2, no. LeRoux tries a crucifix, Kidman rolls through, 2, LeRoux with a fireman's carry slam for 2, too fast for me to call - up and over, to the corner, tornado DDT (I think) for 2. Vertical suplex attempt fails - LeRoux with shots to the back and a gutwrench into a powerbomb. Thassit. LeRoux with the hair - powerbomb attempt is countered with a faceslam. Kidman up to the top for the shooting star press - yes! 1, 2, 3. (7:57) Not bad considering I had it pegged for a jobber match.

Bobby Heenan has been found - he's out back with the softballs. He's not gonna throw 'em though - he's gonna give them to Bischoff to show him what a decent guy he is - oops, he slipped on the way to delivering the balls to Bischoff and triggered the dunkin' board. Har, har. This would have been funnier if the dunkin' board had actually dropped at the right time. Oh well.

Hollywood Hogan and some other guy talk about - David Flair I think? Did Hogan say "jiggly Jew?" Who's this other guy? What are they talking about? Am I gonna go back and watch it again to find out? Naah. If it's important, they'll tell me later.

That woman has enormous breasts.

Gene O., backstage, enjoys a cup of coffee with BOOKER T. He says "you know" 21 times during this interview. It sounds like he's going to try to turn his negative (losing to Hart) into a positive (taking out Disco Inferno at SuperBrawl). Hmmm, that sounds like a bit of a depush to me...

SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER (with Buff is the Stuff) v. THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE - Steiner manages to butcher "mesmerised" into something I know not what. Words for Page. Steiner makes mention of a stipulation I've never heard before - but maybe I haven't been taking attention. Steiner says "hooches," followed soon by "Who's your daddy." So this goes to all you freaks out there, Big Poppa Pump is some sort of up-hooker or something. Heenan repeats the butchered word in question, because he rocks with the extemporaneous funny stuff. Hey, how 'bout an ad break.

SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER (with Buff is the Stuff) v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO (with JPS Ralphus) for the World Television Title - Jericho is wearing a nice WCW vest that would look swell in that other federation. Jericho sends Ralphus to the back - that's rather interesting. No mic time for our Role Model. Jericho makes the lion roaring pose by way of mocking Steiner. Lockup, Steiner shoves him away. Jericho rolls out while Steiner hits a double bicep. Back in we go. Lockup, Steiner goes behind, rides him and pounds away, into a headlock. Big-time poundin' away. Gorilla press. Heenan: "Jericho has had no offense." When HEENAN is noticing that, we might well wonder if those stories about Jericho being buried are true...Jericho finally unleashes a fury of kicks - nice springboard missile dropkick to Steiner, who falls from the apron to the floor. Jericho makes the mistake of following him out, where Buff turns the tide with a hit from behind. Over the railing we go. Chairshot! Back over the barricade. Head to the STEEL ringpost. Jericho manages to drop his throat across the top rope - back elbow from the rope rope - arrogant cover is probably not a good idea - Steiner takes him down, drops an elbow, up, whip, lariat. Repeated rights into the corner, to the body. Buff gets a choke in while referee "Blind" Charles Robinson talks to Steiner about unsafe working environments. Powerbomb. Jericho tied to the Tree of Woe! Buff tries to feed Jericho some yogurt, so Jericho is sufficiently angered to go to the outside and get some shots on Steiner. Steiner gets Jericho back in the ring, though and here's some - I dunno - matwork or somethin'. I feel sick. Knee on the throat. Jericho manages a forearm, whip, leg lariat (kinda), 1, 2, no. Jericho tries the surfboard. Boot to the head, dropkick for Bagwell on the apron. Steiner with a suplex of some sort. Steiner tries Jericho's arrogant cover, and it doesn't work for HIM either. Jericho goes behind, gutshot, jawbreaker, Lionsault, 2 count. Chop (woooo!), whip, Steinerline. Pumphandle into a powerbomb. 1, 2, pulls him up. Whip off the ropes, leapfrog, superkick from Jericho, and he LEAVES the ring. He's trying to get out of there, looks like - whoops, PERRY SATURN is walking down the aisle in a lovely frock. Right hand from Saturn. Saturn rolls Jericho in, says "life's a drag" to the camera, and now the Steiner recliner is on. Tap out. (8:58)

Clip of Bret Hart appearing on MadTV. I almost wish I'd seen this, if only to hear Hart say "bitch" without it being muted.

It's time to play "guess the Nitro Girl" from the silhouette - oh boy! It's FYRE!

The Nitro Girls will be on the Bruise Cruise and so can YOU! Not that you'll come within ten feet of 'em, but...

WCW MasterCard ad.

Wow, that whole segment was a Nitro Girl solo dance and two ads. COOL.

Hall/Benoit TONIGHT! We are told Bret Hart will be on the Bruise Cruise - oh yeah?

BIG POOCHIE & THE TOTAL WOLFPACKAGE present LIZ - I don't know if anything's recently been done to Miss Elizabth, I mean I don't THINK anything has beyond any sort of uplifting undergarments, you know, I don't know what the dealy is with Liz or anything, in fact I don't know what the big deal is in the first place - she does look hot, though. In fact, when you get right down to it, there's a lot of things I don't know, but there is one thing I DO know, and that one thing is this - the Wolfpack is most definitely in the house. In between the stellar mic work, a lot of mane shaking takes place between Nash & Luger. They accept the challenge of Konnan & Rey - Rey's mask ... against ... *Liz'* hair. Oh my. Nash goes on to compare Liz to Persis Khambatta. (There, NOW have I proven I know my Trek?)

Wolfpack T-shirt ad.

THUNDER! ad.

Miss wrestling?

Bruise Cruise ad.

THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION THE CAT (with Sonny Onoo) v. ? - David Penzer is strongly encouraged to make the announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, the Cat Ernest Miller would like to be referred to and known from this point forward as the Greatest of All Time." Cat does his shtick. Cat is wrestling in the third hour of Nitro, by the way. "You suck" chant is muted by the sound crew. Cat issues his blanket challenge but there are no takers - crowd chants "Goldberg" just for kicks.

Cut back to the locker room, where the NWO manages to trick Scott Norton into thinking that Cat has called him out and made some questionable references to his mother, or something. Norton falls for it, and after he leaves, we see the NWO folks slappin' each other five 'cause they've fooled the big man.

THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION THE CAT (with Sonny Onoo) v. BIG SCOTT NORTON - I guess we give him credit for not fleeing when Norton entered the ring? Clothesline. Headbutt. Chop (woooo!). Whip into the corner, follow splash. I would describe the pace of this match as "deliberate." Chop (woooo!) - Cat rolls out, Onoo encourages him on his way back in. Short-arm clothesline. Headbutt. Whip, duck, Cat manages a dropkick to the lower body. Kicks away! Karate chop from Cat. Superkick! Kicks to the back of the knee - Norton is still up - windup for a big kick, Norton catches him and drops him. Chop (woooo!). Cat puts up a foot - Norton catches it and clotheslines him again. Cat rakes the face, nothing. Right hand. Golotta by Cat. Axehandle blows. Choke on the rope. Norton pops up and chops (woooo!) again. Superkick from Cat, kick, Norton shrugs off and chops (woooo!) him. Cat's chest is beet red. Now he's just mauling him. Cat manages a jawbreaker. Cat with a foot to the throat. Big clubbing blows from Cat, one big blow from Norton, and a clothesline. Norton catches a foot and chops him (woooo!), elbow to the back of the head. Onoo looks like he's calling to someone? Neck across the second rope - Norton drops him again. Cat up - double thrust to the neck - tomahawk chops to the back of the head - floatover, nope, Norton turns it around and unloads with forearms. Norton with a right. Onoo tries to offer encouragement, but Cat drags him in and shoves him to Norton. Norton shoves *Onoo* aside and there's another savat kick from Cat. Cat with a lot of kicks, each one making Norton madder and giving him more adrenaline. One more clothesline off the ropes - it's powerbomb time. Good night. (6:12) Man, that was surprisingly good.

Hey, look! It's the Nitro Girls! Gee, they somehow seem a bit more crestfallen than normal for some reason. I wonder why...

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by 10-10-321!

Gene O. brings out GOLDBERG - you know if the Vikings HAD won the Super Bowl, I bet Gene wouldn't use phrases like "this town is on fire." Just a thought. The COLD BEER signs are catching on, and I must admit I can never think of this chant the same way again after those signs were first spotted last week. Is that GREY in his beard? "What's in the past is in the past, so forget about it! I have." Okerlund calls Bigelow an "extremist." Goldberg invites Bigelow to look in his eyes 'cause there's no fear in there, nope, nuh uh. Bigelow is one thing to Goldberg: "YOU'RE NEXT!"

Promotional consideration paid for by Moen faucets, Arrid XX TotalSport, Sudden Change Anti-Wrinkle cream

Dean Malenko and Ric Flair are taking shots at Bischoff, who is still promising that he will have the last laugh tonight. Again he asks "where's your kid, Flair?" This is what they sometimes call foreshadowing.

The Wolfpack theme starts, then stops, because MICHAEL BUFFER has to get us ready to rumble. Who the hell is Bret Hitman Clark? That's the guy the winner of the next match will face at SuperBrawl for the United States Heavyweight Championship, according to Buffer. Good God almighty, this guy has been intro'ing matches for something like SIX YEARS, you think he would have figured out how to not screw up THAT badly by now. He also manages to call Benoit's finisher "the Cripple Crossface."

SCOTT HALL (with Disco Infer-NWO) v. CHRIS BENOIT (with Nobody?) in a #1 Contender's Match for the US Championship - Lockup, Benoit throws Hall. Bret Hart takes Tenay's place at the commentary table, unannounced. Benoit throws Hall again. Test of Strength - nope, Hall's making fun of Benoit's height. Benoit with the Okie blow. Benoit to his knees - Hall tries a kick - Benoit catches it and there's a dragon screw leg whip. Dropkick on the knee and Hall goes outside. Hart says hi to his cat Smokey. Baseball slide dropkick from Benoit. After talking to Disco, he gets back in. Lockup, side headlock from Benoit, Hall power out to the ropes - Disco grabs the leg to pull him down. Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman looks confused. Hall misses an elbowdrop. Benoit with kicks to the gut, right, right, eyepoke from Hall. Pounding down - Disco up on the apron - whip is reversed - Hall manages to avoid hitting Disco but Benoit dropkicks Hall into Disco. Crippler crossface is on but Disco pulls him out. So now STEVE McMICHAEL is out to remove Disco from this situation. Benoit is taking it to Hall in the ring while Mongo has Disco all the way to the back. Swinging neckbreaker by Benoit, who keeps saying "C'mon Hall!" We cut to backstage where McMichael says he's got somebody that wants to meet Disco. A door is opened, and behind it stands ARN ANDERSON with the ubiquitous TIRE ARN. The door is closed - we hear some nasty stuff - and take an ad break?!?

About three minutes to the hour, so maybe eight minutes left in the show - Benoit is still taking it to Hall in a corner, now to another corner, head to the buckle, chop (woooo!), Hall comes back and the sleeper is on. Benoit powers out and puts on a sleeper of his own. Hall picks him up and crotches him on the top rope. Hall says he'd like Benoit to win tonight given a choice. Hall stomps away. Fallaway slam. Hart leaves the table as Hall gets 2. Whip into the opposite corner, lariat follows - foot on the rope, though. Abdominal stretch (with rope leverage because Hall's so SNEAKY). The third time, Silverman catches the hand on the top rope - Benoit with a hip toss - off the ropes, Hall moves aside and Benoit misses the elbow drop. Hall up first, right hand takes Benoit down. In the corner, chop (woooo!), right hand, Benoit chops back, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, off the ropes, clotheslines him down. Whip into the corner, kick, snap suplex. Drops his back across his knee - then gives the thumb-'corss-the-throat gesture - swandive headbutt as BIG POOCHIE makes it into the ring. Benoit takes him with a right and another - Nash falls to the floor - Benoit on the top - Hall crotches him. Hall has him up for the Outsiders' Edge - and hits it. 1, 2, 3. Well, so much for that Hart/Benoit match we've all been drooling over, hey? (11:06) Hall vs. Hart at SuperBrawl - who do you root for?

Again, we see Hogan and - oh, is that that biker Zito guy or somethin'? Okay, they have now established that they're in Charlotte. Hogan is - what, singing? I guess this isn't live 'cause it's daylight out. We see David Flair park and walk into a building. Before Hogan and Whoever do whatever it is THEY'RE gonna do, we go back to the arena to see Flair, Malenko, and then Anderson watching them....and we're out of time? Huh? WHATEVER.

It's scary, but it could very well be that by the end of February, I will like Nitro more than RAW. Keep reading!