BLATANT PLUG: Check out the all-new Other Arena - and while you're there, drop by the TV history section to find archives of my old Nitro and RAW reports!

TV-PG-DV We start out with a closed pcationed logo of Big Poppa Pump, DDP, Kimberly, catchphrases du jour, and she'll tumble 4 ya

Your hosts for tonight's explosive Monday Nitro are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and thelivinglegend Larry Zbyszko, who stands up and the puts a stop to that "Larry" chant. We are immediately informed that Kimberly's face took a shellackin' but she's basically all right and convalescing at an unknown location. Discussion quickly turns to the big pay-per-view coming up Sunday night, SuperBrawl IX, where Flair and Hogan will fight for the title in the main event. TONIGHT, however, we'll have Losers Bracket matches in the Tag Team Tournament which all the kids are talking about.

Hey, look, it's the Nitro Girls! Tony ALMOST manages to finish explaining the tag team tournament but we have to go back and see

Arn Anderson has Disco Inferno right where he wants him - Tire Arn in hand - oh, that lousy Doug Dillinger and WCW Security have kept Arn from unleashing his furious wrath - they're ARRESTING him? I smell a double standard! Where's Clarence Mason when you need him? Oh wait, he's in the WWF. Oh WAIT, he's not even performing there!

Trunkcam! It's Eric Bischoff in a chauffer uniform. Flair leaves a Lear jet, along with some people I don't know, and there's some sort of drama taking place. Man, all these camera angles are making me dizzy.

Opening credits! At the OPENING!

But we're not at that ad break yet! First, let's see AC Jazz BLATANTLY trip up Kimberly with a schoolboy. From a couple weeks back.

Monday Night Jericho T-shirt ad. Buy YOURS before he's GONE!

THIS portion of Monday Nitro is brought to you by 10-10-321!

We are OH SO LIVE from the Florida State Fairgrounds in Tampa, FL and the Florida State Fair - the date is 15.2.99 and we're on the air via Turner Network Television! Tony talks a little more about the Tag Team Tournament - Barry Windham & Curt Hennig lie in wait in the Winners' Bracket - tonight, we'll try a little harder to find out who they'll be facing.

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week, where Ric Flair books Bret Hart vs. Roddy Piper for the United States Heavyweight Title - and, thanks to Will Sasso (Who?), Piper wins the title.

Sign in crowd: WHAT ABOUT CICLOPE?

JERRY FLYNN v. PERRY SATURN, TAKING A TURN ON THE CATWALK - Life's a drag, har har, I get it already. Get a new line. (Although he DOES bring back "Whutreyoulookin'at?") Gee, I wonder who'll win this match. I would think it'd be easier for Flynn to outsuperkick Saturn with him in that frock. Shoulderblock for Saturn. Lockup, Saturn with an armbar, reversal, reversal, back elbow from Flynn, chop (woooo!), again (woooo!), repeated kicks. He's the Lightning Foot, you know. Flynn exposes the buttocks, which raises Saturn's ire. Back kick from Saturn - axe kick! He's stealing from Booker T. 1, 2, no. Saturn to the anklelock, Flynn to the ropes. Saturn stays on him, stomping on the chest. Saturn drapes the leg over the middle rope and kicks the quadracep. Wow, folds the leg in half there. Saturn continues with a leglock, Flynn to the eyes to break it up. Drop toehold on Flynn, AGAIN to the anklelock, AGAIN Flynn grabs a rope. Flynn with a nice kick to counter a didn't-happen-dragonscrew legwhip. Flynn with a double chop and a lariat that makes Saturn flip. Back kick from Flynn, whip, Saturn comes off with a knee and a belly-to-back suplex. This match isn't all that bad... Knee to the head, boot to the head. Flynn with a back kick and a chop. Kneedrop from Flynn. 1, 2, no. Tonight, Enos & Riggs team up and we wonder where Duncum's gone. Saturn with a chop and a standing side kick and both men are down. Saturn's up, picking up Flynn, whip, head down, Flynn with a kick. Flynn with Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine. Legsweep from Flynn and he's working the crowd. Cross armbreaker on Saturn - Saturn manages to get to his feet and stomp him to break the hold. Flynn up - no, gutshot from Saturn, another right. Another. Atomic drop from saturn - springboard crossbody for 2. Flynn manages a chop and a double thrust - now he's standing on his throat in the corner. Flynn with a whip, discus chop (woooo!), off the ropes, belly-to-belly suplex - 1, 2, no! Flynn ALMOST got him. Flynn to the eyes - whip, SUPERKWANG! How cool is THAT? Whip - big kick misses though. Saturn with an overhead suplex. Roundhouse kick to Flynn's head - wow. Saturn lifts the dress over Flynn's head and there's the ten punch countalong. SCOTT DICKINSON is up on the apron. Why? He's in street clothes but referee "Blind" Billy Silverman has turned to argue with him as Saturn slams Flynn - top rope splash! But now CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO has run into the ring with a - what's that, a pipe? Saturn catches him off the top rope with a T-bone Tazplex - but as Jericho leaves the ring, Saturn turns around and EATS a roundhouse kick. 1, 2, 3!!! FLYNN WINS! FLYNN WINS! FLYNN WINS! (8:03) Jericho proclaims his smarts to the camera.

Flair and his two guests are in the back of the limo - Eric in the front - lots of camera angles - weird how that car noise isn't consistent from angle to angle, isn't it? MadTV is mentioned. Anyway, Flair takes a cel call from Janie Engle and finds out that Arn's in the slamma. He wants her to deal with it personally.

Here's a Special Video Look at Rey & Konnan & Kevin & Lex & Liz and lots of other fun things - it'll culminate in Sunday's mask vs. hair match at SuperBrawl IX.

Promotional consideration is paid for by WCW Bashin' Brawlers ("Heygetoffmy - NOSE!"), Slim Jim, Sudden Change scam cream, Lean Pockets from Hot Pockets, and Arrid XX TotalSport.

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week as Hollywood Hogan takes a bucket of bleach and blinds Mongo.

More fun with the limo. The two guys are apparently worried that they're lost - Flair's still on the phone talking about Arn (apparently he ordered that Disco not be on the travel plans, so how'd he get there?) and Eric's apparently taking the limo someplace special - HE'S on a cel phone of his own - and he's promising that they'll be there in 15 minutes. "Save a cold one for me." That's the thing about that divider, it divides ERIC from the other guys, too.

Another clip of Steiner stalking Kimberly from a few weeks back

Closed captioning where available delivered to you courtesy Western Union

Once again, the commentators aren't talking about the "new" clips. Instead, they intro

Let Us Take You Back to MadTV where Will Sasso played Jesse Ventura, Bret Hart took things a little too far, and it's SO funny this is like the THIRD week in a row we've seen it.

Another clip of Steiner stalking Kimberly from a few weeks back

BLITZKREIG (note new, still incorrect spelling) y NEVER SURRENDER JUVENTUD GUERRERA (tights: JUVI SHAKES) y PS(I)YCHOSIS (technicos) v. SUPER CALO y EL DANDY y HECTOR GARZA (rudos) - Oh joy, Will Sasso takes on Bret Hart later tonight. Larry correctly points out that he'll get slaughtered. Referee is Johnny Boone, good luck, Johnny. Calo and Guerrera start as Tenay runs over the lucha rules for us ONE MORE TIME. Now Blitz is in - I *believe* these are the captains. Up and over we go, Calo takes him down, drops an elbow on the back, to the side headlock. Blitz powers out with an armdrag - pounding on the elbow - gut shot, again attacking the elbow and turning that wringer. Calo reverses into HIS arm bar. Bliz rolls out with two flips and takes Calo down with an armbar of his own. Headlock - up and over to get out - springs off the second rope and lands on his feet, but Calo legsweeps him out. Calo takes him down as Tony announces a Rey/Lex "altercation" earlier today. Blitz has to flip TWICE before every fall. Elbowdrop by Calo. Off the ropes, backbodydrop - no, powerbomb. Tag to Garza as idiot crowd chants "boring." Tag to Psychosis on the other side - off the ropes, shoulderblock, up and over, leapfrog, superkick by Garza. Chop (woooo!) by Garz - Psych whips, Garza backflips and lands on his feet but there's a lariat by Psychosis - 1, Garza grabs the rope. Chop (woooo!), out of the corner - up and over he goes into an armdrag by Garza - charges the corner, Psychosis picks him up and gives him a straddle on the top rope - tag to Juvi who does - nothing. Kinda jumps, okay. Chop (woooo!), off the ropes, dropkick. Tag to El Dandy. Mexican standoff (har har). Chop from Dandy (woooo!), Juvi fires back (woooo!), kick to the back of the leg by Dandy, back and forth we go, dive over the sunset flip again, off the ropes, knee to the gut flips Juvi to the mat. Crowd starts clapping as Dandy takes it to him. Armbar is reversed, back and forth off the ropes, Dandy catches Guerrerafor the powerbomb, Juvi rolls through and hits a facebuster. Flapjack - no, what the hell was that. Ended up like a spear to the corner. They're trading chops now - probably saying "I am unhappy that spot sucked" to each other, heh. Dandy snapmares Guerrera and invites in his cornermates - while Blitz and Psychosis distract Boone, all three guys stomp on Juventud - I love it. Knee between the shoulderblades and Dandy has a rear chinlock applied. Juvi manages to get up and elbow out. Whip off the ropes, Juvi slides through, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Dandy, tag to Garza who comes off the top rope with a double axehandle to the arm. Garza takes Juvi to his own corner but he manages to not tag somehow. Oh well. It is the Lucha way. Whip out is reversed, Garza off the top rope, taking Juvi's head to the mat with him, but Hector lands in the wrong corner and Blitz & Psych takes his head to the mat. The bad guys come in and distract the ref and all three GOOD guys come in for some stomping. The crowd loves it and I'm digging it too. I LOVE me some lucha libre. Juvi with an arm wringer and a tag to Blitzkreig. Chop (woooo!), again (woooo!), whip is reversed but Garza's splash only finds the turnbuckle. Blitz walks up the man but Garza comes out with a BIG clothesline. As Garza lines up Blitz in the corner for some more choppin' action, we take an ad break. Whip into the opposite corner...

THUNDER! ad.

When we come back, it's Psychosis and Super Calo in the ring - Psychosis with a headscissors on the mat. Dropkick to the back, snapmare from Psychosis and AGAIN back to the headscissors. Psychosis up - tag to Guerrera - whip off the ropes, Guerrera with a top rope dropkick after Psychosis drops. Another dropkick but he's in the corner - tag to Dandy. Dandy, after a staredown, just DROPKICKS the man. Snap suplex - diving headbutt misses, though. Off the ropes, reversal, back bodydrop by Guerrera - springboard twisting leg lariat (I think) for 2. Scoop and a slam. Juvi's going up top - splash finds nobody though, as Dandy moves aside. Cover - 1, 2, no! Shut up, Larry. Kneebreaker, single leg trip, headbutt, tag to Garza, who drops an elbow. Atomic drop by Garza. Nice vertical suplex, hangs on and almost gets the pin but Boone counts slow. Into the corner, whip out, Garza straddles the top turnbuckle after Guerrera steps aside. Tag to Blitz, tag to Calo. Blitz with a flurry of offense but Calo shakes it all off and hits a clothesline. Blitz thrown into his own corner but there's no tag - lame. Calo with a nice dropkick to the head anywya. Pickup, backbreaker. 1, 2, Psychosis breaks it up by kicking his own man. I wonder if that was planned. Slam by Calo - quebrada moonsault finds nothin'. Tag to Psychosis - who misses. Super Calo climbs up the ropes - and misses. Psychosis FINALLY hits a leg lariat. Pickup, powerbomb position - Juventud off the top rope with a guillotine to add some extra oomph. 1, 2, Dandy breaks it up. Calo rolls to the corner to tag Garza - off the ropes - flapjack - no, an atomic drop straight to the mat. Garza with the cover - near fall, kickout at 2. Whip, off the rope, Garza holds on, drops him over the top - hot shot by Juvi - top rope springboard dropkick - 1, 2, Dandy breaks it up again - Psychosis with a missile dropkick to the back of Dandy and he's out. Garza is on all fours - looks like he's gonna be the springboard for Juvi - HOLY SHIT they fucked that up - Juvi tangles in the ropes and falls to the floor. Garza still goes to the top - Juvi steps aside and Dandy bears the brunt of the splash. Train wreck in progress! Psychosis off the ropes - twice - TOPE SUICIDA! Who's left? Calo and Blitz in the ring. Springboard leg lariat with a twist! Off the rope - somersault senton, rolling through to his feet - backflip splash with a full twist! 1, 2, no! DAMN! Off the ropes, reversal, tilt-a-whirl half brainbuster/half sidewalk slam. Only 2 for Calo. To the corner, Calo sets him up - out to the apron - he SLIPS and falls to the floor! Calo pops back up - dammit, he's gonna DO this spot - Top rope - flips to the other top rope - 'rana attempt fails to take Blitz with him - Blitz back to the top - SKY TWISTING BODY PRESS - 1, 2, 3! Well, some badly blown spots near the end but this match rocked the free world. GIVE ME MORE. (17:45)

We're in a hotel room - that mysterious blonde wants new towels (the one she's wearing is wet) and she wants some room service - what, have they been there a WEEK or something? And why doesn't housekeeping ever CLEAN that place?

Helicopter's eye view (complete with spotlight) of that limo - looks like it's being followed by some Humvee's now. Eric runs out of the limo as Flair tries to let his guests know things are ok. Men dressed in black, complete with ski masks, hijack the limo - sounds like Hogan to me. Flair gets a shot in on him but the other guy's got a big branch or something - As he and Flair staredown, the Humvee's circle the spotlighted area. Flair hit from behind by a masked man - more masked men get out and the beatdown commences. Hey, that one's black! Seven guys in all - one brandishing an NWO weight belt. If we go back to the commentators and Tony says "Huh, I wonder why Flair hasn't shown up tonight" I'm gonna hurt somebody. Flair is left laying as the skimasks are removed - I see Buff Bagwell, there's Hogan ("You won't make it to SuperBrawl, Flair") - is that Stevie Ray? No, it's Vincent. Now what's the point of all this again? Where'd those other two guys go, anyway? Kick to the nads. It's amazing how Flair can take all these shots and not bleed. I see a cameraman in that spotlight! I don't know - we're turning the hour here, did you switch to RAW? Maybe? Stevie Ray DID lift his mask. Who are the other three? Definitely Nash. I'm thinking Adams and...well, let's say Horace, that would be the whole B-team. Ok, Nash has the mask off, there's Adams, ok, I think that WAS Horace. Nash is wearing his tie. Flair's shirt is removed and there's a whuppin' with the belt. Everybody drives off as Hogan says "I can't wait for your KID to see ya!" Hey, how come the B-team does have like a Subaru or something? OH well. Three Hummers drive off - check that, two Hummers and a truck - and a helicopter with spotlight. NOISY. Oh well, this is like eight minutes you'll never get back. Did it work for YOU?

WCW/NWO THUNDER! for the Playstation ad.

Yet another clip of Steiner stalking Kimberly, back when he was stalking ALL the Nitro Girls.

Hey, look, it's the Nitro Girls! As you might expect, following the new "if it doesn't happen in the arena, it doesn't happen" policy, Tony says NOTHING about what just happened with the limo.

Let's Take a Special Look At The Tag Team Titles Throughout History Which We Saw Last Week So I'll Fast Forward (I did go back to normal speed to see Kevin Nash jackknife the Giant) It's funny to see the Faces of Fear get hyped even after they've split up and been eliminated, isn't it? Well, maybe not. SuperBrawl IX is SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!

FIT FINLAY & DAVID TAYLOR (1 loss) v. CHRIS BENOIT & DEAN MALENKO (1 loss) in a Tag Team Tournament match - we're in the losers' bracket, winner here goes on to face Enos & Riggs later in the show, winner of THAT has another match Thursday on THUNDER! with Adams & Horace, and the winner THERE will face Windham & Hennig Sunday - if they win THERE, they'll wrestle AGAIN because Windham & Hennig don't have a loss. Okay. Finlay and Benoit start and this should be a dandy. So if the losers go on to win the straps, they'll have wrestled five times this week. Yup. To the corner, semi-clean break. Lockup, headlock by Finlay, to the arm wringer, to a facelock with an armbar. Finlay grabs the nose and caves it in with an elbow. Benoit pops up as a "Lucky Charms" chant gets muted. Benoit with a side headlock. Finlay gets up, tries a kidney shot, but Benoit holds on - head to the buckle. Chop (woooo!), whip into the opposite corner, whip again is reversed and Benoit goes in - gutshot by Finlay from the charge. Nice scoop slam. Tag to Finlay - tag to Malenko. Lockup, Malenko tries to go behind and Finlay squirms away. Drop toehold by Malenko into a facelock, Finlay reverses to a submission hold, then wrenches back on the arm. Malenko up, shaking the arm out. Lockup, Finlay snapmares him over - back and forth, leapfrog, dueling hiptoss attempts - Finlay muscles him over. Elbowdrop misses. BOth men up - Melnkow with a kick, and a pound. Tag to Benoit - double whip, double back elbow. 1, 2, Finlay breka it up. Finlay manages to catch Benoit distracted by Finlay. Staying on him and working the arm. Tag to Finlay. Schiavone says "Will Sasso" and "videogames" instead of calling the match. Finlay drops Benoit on the top rope following a fireman's carry - elbowdrop. Short arm clothesline and cover but only 2. Finlay throws Benoit through the ropes and that brings Malenko into the ring. Taylor works over Benoit while referee "Blind" Charles Robinso doesn't pay attention. Benoit manages to get fired up and gain the advantage of Finlay and tags out to Malenko. Malenko keeps it going and concludes with a vertical suplex - Taylor makes the save at 2. Time for an ad break as Finlay gets ready for his "I'll grab the ropes if you pull me into the center of the ring" spot.

When we come back, Taylor is working on Malenko. Back elbow after a whip is reversed. Vertical suplex by Taylor for 2. Rather than talk about the match, Tony tells us that Goldberg will be on the Bruise Cruise. Malenko forces Taylor into the wrong corner and Finlay is tagged in. Slam, elbowdrop, NOSElock? Finlay takes Malenko over to Taylor and Taylor gives him a shot. Kind of a camel clutch here - now they're up and Taylor is holding the nose, I think. Shots to the back. Arm wringer into a facelock. Dean to the corner so Finlay comes in so Robinson can miss the tag. Malenko draped over the apron and Finlay drops an elbow and a forearm. Malenko dropped on the STEEL barricade. Finlay again goads Benoit into the ring, then dropkicks through the ropes and onto Malenko. Taylor throws Malenko back in - off the ropes - Sunset flip counter for 2. Finlay tries a cover but only gets 2. Finlay holds up Malenko for Taylor - tag - shot to the chest. Rollup but only 2. Taylor with European uppercut - shot to the back. Taylor stands on the head. There's a "boring" chant but they're just wrong. Finlay comes down hard on the arm after the tag. Into the corner, Malenko sidesteps a charging Finlay and he hits his shoulder hard. Hot tag to Benoit. Whip, clothesline coming off, shot to Taylor, snap suplex, cover, 1, 2, Finlay kicks out. Off the ropes, double thrust, 1, 2, no. Side suplex for 1 - Taylor breaks it up. Finlay taken to the corner but Finlay comes to and regains control - pick up for the Tombstone - Malenko dropkicks Finlay - no count as Robinson tries to get Malenko back in the corner. Malenko DOES go back so Benoit somersaults into a tag. Whip, follow lariat. Snapmare. Taylor's in - trading kicks - Malenko dumps him out and follows. Malenko tosses him back in - what was THAT about? Malenko hits Finlay for no reason - Taylor hols onto Malenko and Finlay gets in a kick. Whip into the corner, Malenko sidesteps a charging Taylor. Malenko with ANOTHER shot to Finlay on the outside - geez, somebody's unhappy - Double leg takedown. Tejas cloverleaf? Benoit with a swandive headbutt just before he gets turned for good measure. Taylor gives it up. A good, if very strange, match. (14:29) Nestle's Pretzel Flips provides the replays. REPLAYS ARE THE PRETZELS! So Benoit & Malenko have to wrestle again tonight against Enos & Riggs. Now THAT'S good planning. Also later tonight, Hart vs. Sasso! It's a SASSO match!

Let's Take A Special Video Look at Goldberg's Interview Snippets - because Bam Bam Bigelow - HE'S NEXT! Sunday.

Bruise Cruise ad. 17-21 May! Then you'll NEVER have to see these ads again! Until NEXT year!

SuperBrawl IX local promo.

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Steiner accosts Kimberly, Page accosts Steiner, there's a clever camera cut, Steiner drives off, Kimberly jumps out, and we get an ambulance. Bobby Heenan has joined the commentary team. "Not his friend, not his girlfriend, not his fiancee, but his wife!" laments Tony. Hey Tony, so if it had JUST been his fiancee, it would have been okay?

It is reiterated that is was only a minor concussion and facial lacerations. That is one nice "Weasel" chant. Take THAT, Larry! The Awesome 3 remind us that Scott Steiner is the very spawn of Satan.

More clips from last week's high drama as Kimberly is loaded into the ambulance. Oh boy! When we come back, we'll hear from some NITRO GIRLS about all this!

Bruise Cruise ad hypes Nitro Girls appearance. Ergh.

Speaking of which, there they is! But they're not dancing, oh no, they're there to talk about the terrible incident that went down last week. Spice says that she felt so many things at once. There are many things of hers I'D like to feel...oh sorry. Whisper has a special message for Kimberly - I've got a special message I'd like to give her...oh sorry. Whisper breaks down into tears, sort of. Tygress and Jazz stand nearby. Spice can't HELP but smile, though, 'cause she's THAT perky. 'at'samahgirl! Stay STRONG Spice!

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week and show you once again that great Hart/Piper/Sasso bit - in LETTERBOX-TO-MAKE-YOU-LOOK-FATTER-O-VISION! And that's just rude to Sasso, you know?

WCW onsale events! Friday tickets go on sale for Louisville for UnCeNsOrEd, Biloxi, Port Huron and Kalamazoo. Saturday, tickets go on sale for Tacoma for Spring Stampede!

WCW NITRO for the N64 is now available, sayeth Tony. *I* say it's time for a travesty!

BRET CLARKE v. WILL SASSO in an affront to all that is good in wrestling - Sasso, as you might guess, comes out to the "MadTV" theme. He is accompanied by DEBRA WILSON, another MadTV star who SHOULD know better than to come out dressed like that, jigglin' like that, and "dancing" like that. She's gone make them Nitro Girls jealous and stuff! Sasso is wearing a jersey with 73 on it, which I *believe* is how many stones he weighs. Heenan says it's the number of double cheeses he had between 4 and 5 today. Are those "WS" boots? Come ON. You know what's bad about this? We could have had *Kevin Greene* in this segment. Test of strength? No - Bret suckered him in and there's a kick to the gut (how'd he manage to NOT miss it?) Off the ropes, big lariat takes him down. I love Bret Hart, but I doubt even HE can make this watchable. Hart lays the boots into Sasso. Sasso with a Flair flop. Oh for cryin'... Hart drops the forearm, then the leg. Sasso rolls out to Debra. Hart is now out, and stealing a chair. Hart takes the chair - and sits in the centre of the ring. God DAMN Bret Hart is the greatest. The name "Sting" is mentioned just for kicks. Hart with a right to keep Sasso from re-entering the ring. Hart dumps a water bottle on Sasso, goes outside, and hits him again. Sasso taken to the barricade - there's a cable choke. Debra is screaming a lot and referee "Blind" Mickey Jay is having a tough time keeping them separated. Hart with ANOTHER chair pbut Jay stands between them - Debra manages to steal the chair from Hart - as Jay pushes him off - DEBRA takes the chair to Sasso! Two times, and a gingerly third shot. I keep waiting for her breast to just pop out of there. Oh well. Hart with the head to the - lower abs. Sharpshooter is on? I take it back. This was a pretty good match for what it was. (3:44) High 10 between Hart and Wilson, who lets us all know she sold out. I hope this angle plays out on Mad TV and not on Nitro, by the way. But I expect that this will assume dead horse-like proportions before too long.

Hey, you know what a REAL waste of money is? Airing a Hardee's ad in California. Come ON.

Wolfpack T-shirt ad.

We see two Humvees and a truck pull up - of course, the commentators didn't SEE any of those limo shots we saw earlier in the show - it's just a special little storyline point for the loyal viewers. It's YOU KNOW WHO, BIG POOCHIE, BUFF IS THE STUFF, HORACE (hogan), BRIAN ADAMS (the only thing that looks good on you is him), VINCENZO, and STEVIE RAY. They're all in black shirts and black ski masks, except Nash who has removed his shirt to reveal a black 'n' red logo shirt. Hogan: "Wolfpack in the..." Nash: "Hoooooooooooooouse" Hogan sends the black'n'white off to the back to par-tay while Hogan drops some knowledge like "nothin' but luv." NOT DA MOUNTIE has shown up - DISCO INFER-NWO is also out. The TV-PG-DV ratings box has reappeared as we turn into the third hour. I was kinda hoping we'd NEVER see that shock stick again, oh well. Hogan calls himself "Holly-hood" and says he should beat Ric Flair not at SuperBrawl in San Francisco, but in his own home town. Which is apparently Tampa, and apparently tonight. "You know I heard Flair is in the back, puttin' his makeup on and tryin' to hide the grey, and I'm gonna be an honorable man and I'm gonna give Flair a ten count to get his rear end out here and fight Hollywood for the greatest title in the world, the NWO Heavyweight title." For some reason, referee Billy Silverman issues the ten count. He gets to nine - but instead of Flair coming out, the pipes and drums fire up and out comes ROWDY RODDY PIPER, wearing his United States title (ugh) and REALITY (check) shirt. Oh no, Piper's gonna speak. The over/under on homosexual references is thirty seconds, by the way. Piper says he SAW what they did to Flair - PIPER WATCHES THE TV! Piper says he's Hogan's reality check. Piper says Flair's busy and he's acting commissioner, so they're gonna wrestle right now. The bell sounds and it's on...

YOU KNOW WHO v. ROWDY RODDY PIPER for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship - You didn't want a WRESTLING match, did you? Pounding, biting, scraping, face rubbed in the mat, Piper pulls some more of Hogan's hair out - right hand and they're both outside. Head to the barricade. Head to the mat. Head to the camera box. Slap (woooo!), and again (woooo!), rolled back in. Hogan's had zero offense and he's begging off. Piper with the measured eyepoke(tm). Atomic drop (a WRESTLING move!). Bell ringer clap. Right hand uppercut. Cover - Hogan kicks out at 2. BIG "Hogan sucks" chant. Hogan is outside, he FINALLY manages some O by grabbing the leg and driving the hip into the corner of the mat. Out comes Piper - punches a plenty. Kick from Hogan. Choking with the shirt - Silverman breaks it up but Hogan has a chair - big chairshot! Right hand by Piper - dueling face rakes. Dueling face rakes again. The weight belt is off and Hogan's a-whuppin' with it. Piper thrown back in - Hogan follows - stomp on the face. Whip with the belt. CHOKE with the belt. Piper gets to the rope and makes a move for Silverman. Hogan wraps his fist with the belt and there's two big rights. Kick to the gut, rake of the face, whip, follow lariat, foot on the throat, it's ALLLL Hogan. Another belt-enhanced right. Hogan turns to the crowd - oops, bad move - Piper pops up and has the belt. Now PIPER is whipping HOgan with the belt. Hogan is doing the Tatanka dance, too. Whip into the opposite corner - SLEEPER! Time for whatever's gonna happen to happen - yup, here's NOT DA MOUNTIE and there's the taser shot. (DQ 5:42) I guess we should have known that was gonna happen with the foreshadowing...repeated taser shots as the rest of the NWO reappears. Hogan says he's gonna go back to the back and flush out Flair, then tear him apart. One more taser hit for Piper - Hall tries on the kilt. Hall takes on Piper for the US title on Sunday, you see. There's the crotch chop under the kilt. Hall curtsies - that's funny. Hogan proclaims it "phat." Anybody wanna save Piper here? No? Okay, fine by me.

A truck pulls up to Flair's carcass - a cowboy dumps Flair in his cab. Flair says "Fairgrounds....Fairgrounds...." Then he says "Wait! Don't forget those cameramen! And my guests! And Bischoff!" No, he doesn't, actually.

SOME GUY reads us the text of a million dollar civil suit by Scott Steiner on Dallas Page for assault & battery. He also expects that Page will have to appear before a grand jury in Buffalo where he'll no doubt be indicted on felony charges and serve fifteen years in da slamma. I never thought I'd say this, but THANK YOU SCOTT STEINER!

In one of those cutting-edge NWO promos, Liz and Luger talk about "Li'l Ray" and Konnan. What a LONG segment.

Let's take a Special Video Look at Hall beating Benoit to steal his United States Heavyweight title shot, then Piper beating Hart (is this the THIRD time?) to get the US title despite some brilliant sucker tactics by Hart, mostly thanks to Will Sasso, who is a big-time star on that "Mad TV" show all the kids are talking about. Or are all the kids talking about that Tag Team Tourney?

MIKE ENOS & SCOTTY RIGGS (1 loss) v. CHRIS BENOIT & DEAN MALENKO (1 loss) in a Tag Team Title Tournament match - Which team would YOU rather see at the pay-per-view? Riggs replaces Bobby Duncum, Jr. - I KNOW you don't care, but it bears mentioning anyway. For completion. Riggs all over Malenko to start, but Malenko puts up the knees on a charging Riggs to take control. Now he's stompin' a mudhole in him and stuff. Whip off the ropes, leg lariat. Whip is reversed, leapfrog, dynamite dropkick from Riggs. Spit for Benoit while he's at it. Whip into the corner, high knee from Riggs. Standing on the throat. Scoop and a slam and a tag for Enos, who stands on the chest, goes off the ropes and dives but the headbutt misses. Tag to Benoit. Heenan is the MAN. Headlock - Benoit power out and hits the shoulderblock but Benoit counters with a drop toehold as he comes off the ropes. Chop (woooo!), repeat (woooo!), punches as one idiot tries a "boring" chant. BIG lariat from Enos as he comes out of the corner. Press slam - he just DROPS him behind his back - thrown HARD into the corner - stomping away. Enos with ANOTHER loogie. Benoit chops back (woooo!) and stomps all over him. Double Okie blow, yawn. Enos out, Benoit follows, head to the barricade. Back in we go. Enos wants a timeout but no. Stomp to the gut, tag to Malenko, double whip, double back elbow, Enos kicks out at 2. Enos takes him into the corner and tags Riggs, then distracts referee "Blind" Johnny Boone so Riggs can go after him. Rear chinlock by Riggs - Malenko elbows out but takes a knee to the gut as he comes off the ropes. Cover - only 2. Tag to Enos as he keep Malenko away from Benoit. Enos headbutt to the back. Camel clutch is on. Enos WRENCHING on the back. Benoit comes in and just delivers a BIG ol' foot to the face. As Boone takes Benoit back to the corner, Riggs comes in without a tag and reapplies the Camel clutch. Riggs with a cover but only gets 2. Malenko tries to take Riggs to his corner so he can tag. Malenko DOES manage a front facelock and takes him over and through the ropes out. Benoit takes it to him, then holds him for a baseball slide dropkick and we go to an ad break.

The truckin' cowboy stops to hose down his engine - runnin' hot in that Ford, huh? Flair tries to escape but the cowboy puts him back in the cab. Good thing a camera was there to capture all this! This segment brought to you by the "Neon Cowboy."

SuperBrawl IX promo.

When we come back, the Horsemen are doubleteaming Riggs. Double headbutt. Benoit with a kneebreaker. Leg draped over the second rope and Benoit kicks away. Still stomping on the man. Dragged into the corner, tag to Malenko who ALSO stomps on the left knee. Spinning toe hold, scissors the leg and pulls on the ankle - Riggs grabs a rope. Riggs tries to go out but Malenko hot shots him. Slam. Tag to Benoit. Keeping Riggs in the corner and kicking away. Head to the buckle. Kick to the gut. There is no "Let's go Riggs" chant in evidence. Driven to the corner, tag to Malenko who continues to stomp away. Who is the "you suck" chant directed to. Riggs FINALLY manages to reverse a whip and Enos hits Malenko from behind. Riggs with a seated dropkick and THERE'S a tag to Enos. Enos with a lariat, kicks, whip, up and over goes Malenko - Enos hits the corner, Malenko to the top - SOMEHOW Enos catches him and WHIPS him to the mat with a powerslam. Wow. Of course, Enos didn't cover because he's an idiot. Tag to Riggs, who rolls him up - Malenko kicks out. Riggs picks him up - whip into the corner, coming out, Malenko goes behind and drives Riggs into the corner, coming out their heads collide. Both men stagger up - Malenko with rabbit punches to the back of the head. Back elbows from Riggs - Benoit over with a kick to the head - Enos over to brawl with Benoit on the outside, Boone distracted. Riggs rolls up Malenko - 1, 2, NO!! I almost thought the Horsemen MIGHT ACTULLY LOSE. Nah. Riggs whips Malenko into Enos, who grabs the leg, Riggs hits from behind, belly-to-back, 1, 2, no. Whip off the ropes, dropkick finds nothing when Malenko holds on. Tag to Benoit. Whip, knee to the ab. Front suplex - dropped on the top rope - shot to Enos for good measure. Malenko in - everybody in the corners - double whip, double reverse - Enos and Riggs collide. Benoit throws Enos out - Malenko with a suplex while Benoit climbs the ropes - Riggs rolls up Malenko, seeing what's coming and Benoit has to jump down to break it at 2. Enos back in and he and Malenko are on the outside. Riggs with a kick - Benoit drops with the Crippler crossface - Riggs taps out with the speed of light. (17:25) Tag team wrestling CAN work.

The truckin' cowboy and Flair speed towards the Fairground.

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Skittles! Candy for the RAINBOW generation!

Hey, wanna see those brackets? Click here because the DDT Digest has what you need. I'm as shocked as you are that it actually makes sense. Ha!

Promotional consideration paid for by Jolly Time popcorn, WCW Bashin' Brawlers ("You'rebustin'my - ARM!"), Moen faucets, LA Looks Hair Stuff, Lean Pockets by Hot Pockets, and now I'm HUNGRY.

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice - I mean the hotel room, the blonde talks about how much fun they've been having. She knows he's got to go "talk to those people like you promised," but afterwards maybe they could meet back there for some more fun. Now drop that camera and come here.

Here's One More Special Look at Goldberg and Bam Bam Bigelow, who'll be doing that thing in the ring come Sunday and SuperBrawl. Hey! It's one of those TWO MINUTES BETWEEN AD BREAKS segments!

Here's One More Special Look at Flair and Hogan.

Here's Michael Buffer. Even the sound guy is bored with him 'cause the Wolfpack theme starts up before he can finish asking us to get ready to rumble and stuff!

The NWO comes out. Hogan asks Buffer to hit the bricks, hey, I can't hate Hogan NOW. Well....Hogan says Mongo is out of the picture (funny, I saw him on Saturday Night...) and the Horsemen are on the run. Flair ran away and locked himself in his dressing room. Hogan says he's a man of his word, so trust him when he says Flair's hiding out. Hogan says he's going to give him a *20* count this time. Hogan promises this will be the last time Hollywood beats him. Referee Randy Anderson duly starts up the 20 count. Backstage, we see a Ford pull up, and this is the *first time all night* Schiavone's seen this truck. Flair tumbles out and grabs an axehandle from the flatbed of the truck. Meanwhile, that count has mysteriously stopped - Flair keeps pausing to fall to the floor. Hogan is yukkin' it up here. Flair's face has been made up to appear really bruised. Poor Tony, if only he'd seen what YOU AND I had seen, THEN he would know what's going on with Flair. Anyway, Flair walks through the crowd and this takes about forever. Flair keeps walking through the crowd, and pausing to fall over - he's over the barricade now and crawling in the ring. Stevie Ray wants him - Flair swings the axehandle wildly - Stevie's at him and finally CHRIS BENOIT & DEAN MALENKO make it to the ring. Of course, the numbers aren't with them, so they're quickly subdued. Now Flair and Buff have Flair on the outside - Buff using the axehandle to the gut. Flair grabs Hogan's foot. Now Stevie Ray is out with them. Now Vincent. I take it Malenko & Benoit have been taken care of in the ring, but we don't see it. Flair is muted. Hogan chokes Flair with the axehandle. Backstage, Hall appears through the curtain and says to the camera - "Now you see how it's done? Don't mess it up." And he hands the taser to....to......toooo......

SEE YOU LATER!

You know, there's so much about this show that I am liking these days. But this bit with the "secret" happenings only you and I are privileged enough to see - it doesn't work. It is annoying. I can suspend my disbelief only so far, and they're past it with this stuff. You know? Still, the matches rock the world and at least we didn't see Raven talk to the camera, so it's improvement. Both shows get a thumbs up this week - who knew that could happen? Vaya con dios...