UnCeNsOrEd has come and gone - it was GOOD, but that main event - I *want* to like it, but it just gives me that uneasy feeling. Besides, what's the point of having JERRY FREAKIN' FLYNN get the first pinfall victory on Sonny Onoo? I mean, I like the guy and all, but...actually, I suppose it doesn't matter because NO ONE CARES. Ha! Let's see who I can piss off this week.

TV-PG-DV In black-n-white-NWO-grain-o-vision, David Flair rents a car and meets a mysterious lady named Denise.

ARE WE LIVE in the First Star Centre in Cincinnati, OH 15.3.99 as we BETTER get a damn arena shot in the first minute or you'll find OUT how consistently underestimating audience intelligence can affect the ratings. In fact, before I introduce you to our hosts here, let me publicly say that Nash can't POSSIBLY believe that bit about "I did it to show that it doesn't affect the ratings." Time and time again, it's been proven that one week's show affects the NEXT week's ratings, so you can't say ANYTHING about last week's hour-long infomercial until we see the ratings for TONIGHT. I know Nash isn't an idiot - he has to know this as well. Doesn't he? Aaaaargh, it starts early for me, doesn't it. Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and thelivinglegend Larry Zbyszko - I have to hope the crowd is only chanting his name in the hopes that if they can get him to keep leaving his seat, they can get him fired or something. Last night at WCW UnCeNsOrEd, Booker T. won the TV title, the Horsemen took the tag team titles, and Ric Flair, for the 14th time, is the Heavyweight Champion of the World, and maybe more importantly President-4-Life of WCW. Larry says "Ides of March" to be annoying. Tony: "Mike said it was controversial - yes, it was controversial - and yes, maybe Charles Robinson got caught up in the moment, but let me say this - on behalf of everybody at WCW to the NWO - too bad. Flair's the Champ - live with it."

Still shots from last night's big pay-per-view event show Mikey Whipwreck making his debut in a Cruiserweight title shot. It was a good match, a tough match, a match which saw Kidman retain the title yet again.

Hooray, if it's Spring Break, it must be CAMPUS CLASH! At the University of Cincinnati. Hey, it's Lodi! Whatever happened to that guy?

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Nestle Crunch - it's fun for munching and stuff

WCW THUNDER! for the PlayStation ad.

Mortal Kombat is NEXT!

Promotional consideration paid for by WCW Smash'n'slam Wrestlers, Slim Jim, IceSport from Aqua Velva, Hot Pockets, and Judge Wapner for Singer Asset Finance.

Bruise Cruise '99 ad.

Here's an onsale announcement. Friday tickets for Daytona, Ft. Pierce, and Pittsburgh go on sale. Saturday get in line for Yakima for Nitro, Boise, Gainesville for Nitro, and Fargo for Nitro!

Our first match in JUST a few moments - but here now is some exciting still shots of that thrilling Jerry Flynn/Cat & Onoo match from last night.

"Rappin' with the Cat" - a press conference with Cat - "don't call me Ernest" in which he divulges that his record is undefeated (oh, REALLY), he's beautiful and bad. He dances JUST like James Brown. WCW is holding him down. Nobody wants to see Jerry Flynn, they want to see Cat. And HE won both matches despite what you may have seen on television. And then he dances with some "reporters." I don't know - I kinda liked this. I feel guilty about it, though.

MENG v. LIGHTNING FOOT JERRY FLYNN - Flynn looks RIGHT AT ME and I *know* he's missing his mullet. Meng is all over Flynn to start. What the HELL is Meng wearing tonight? Those look like Hammer's pants. And I don't mean Van Hammer. Flynn tries a kick, Meng catches it, Flynn springs with the other foot and hits a nice kick. Mang calmly catches Flynn and drops him powerbomb style. They're trading chops (woooo!), now trading punches. To the corner. Flynn kicking away. Bellringer by Meng. Commentators talk about Charles Robinson and his biases. Flynn hits blows and Meng shrugs them off. Again, I feel guilty, but I kinda dig THIS match. Commentators apparently haven't been informed about Flair's heel turn - or maybe THEY'VE all turned heel and I can't tell. What a piledriver from Meng. 1, 2, kickout! Power shoulderbreaker by Meng for 2. You know, for a 76-year old man, Meng's pretty damn cool. Flynn manages a cross armbreaker and Meng ties up the rope to break the hold. Meng back to the chop (woooo!) - that pair of pants is SOMETHING. Flynn with a Thesz press! Back into the cross armbreaker - Meng rolls it and Flynn can't hold on. Off the ropes, Meng ducks a kick and hits the Vulcan - err, Tongan Death Grip. Flynn goes down - 1, 2, 3. Meng is officially permanently on my Guilty Pleasures list once and for all. He thanks me, I think - I don't speak that language. (4:12) Castrol GTX Motor Oily provides the replays. Larry calls the death grip a "goozle" which is a word I am not familiar with.

Let's look at a clip from some movie whose name I didn't catch but it isn't wrestling so who cares. If you email me and try to tell me what it is I will tell you if I REALLY wanted to know I'd have rewound so don't bother, PLEASE don't bother.

Goldberg & Diamond Dallas Page featured NOW in the WCW Superstar series! Brought to you by WARNER HOME VIDEO!

Closed captioning brought to you through the kind courtesy of MEINEKE! (Eh? What's that?)

Cinn*A*Burst and 1-800-COLLECT bring you the '99 SPRING BREAK OUT! I'm breaking out all over - in a rash - from watching Nitro Party clips featuring RIKI RACHTMAN, some guy going to Panama City, Chae, Jazz, Tygress, two very special guests we don't get to meet now (we're coming BACK tonight? Ugh), and wow, that's some dress on Tygress there.

Friday at 0930 (or is it 2130? They didn't say) MTV's Beach Brawl from Cancun, Mexico! Oh boy, I LOVE Jimmy Hart on commentary!

Further adventures of David Flair, Denise Robinson and an elevator and David can't act in BLACK-N-WHITE-NWO-GRAIN-O-VISION

WCW.com spot - I kept seeing the words "THE GIANT" in that...

Denise manages to get herself into David's room through devious means. I wonder if these guys manage to notice these CAMERAS following them around

Still shots of last night's triangle "you wanna talk about extreme, you wanna talk about hardcore" match, where Chastity turned on Raven to help Hak score the victory.

Riki Rachtman interviews RAVEN who just happens to be hanging out at the Nitro Party. He promises bad things, man.

GENTLEMAN CHRIS ADAMS v. RICK STEINER - Steiner likes Guns & Roses. I could get REAL tired of Tony saying "So what, too bad" EVERY segment. Maybe he IS turning heel before my very eyes. Buy the encore presentation TOMORROW! (Or today, I guess - it's Tuesday now, isn't it.) Lockup, to the corner, clean break. Repeat - Adams punches coming out. Rick turns it around, off the ropes, duck, Steiner catches a leapfrogging Adams and slams him. Belly-to-belly suplex. 1, feet on the ropes. Now they're in the ropes and Steiner is showing unusual aggression. Steiner's either got a gut or HUGE abdominal muscles. Adams managing a chinlock now. To the corner, whip out, clothesline ducked. Belly-to-back suplex by Adams. SUPERKICK! 1, 2, Steiner kicks out? Hey, they're screwing Adams! Adams to the top rope - should have hit the axehandle but he drops it so Steiner can catch him and hit an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Off the ropes, Steinerline. Elbowdrop. 1, 2, kickout. Everybody bark! Bulldog from the top rope. That should be it. Thank you, good night. (3:16 - hmm) Replay of the superkick just goes to show that Chris Adams is being held down by the MAN. After all he's done in this sport...oh well, Rick Steiner with the win.

We look at the Treacherous Three as Mike Tenay plugs the WCW Hotline, followed by Tony gloating about the Flair title win - fortunately (?), he's interrupted by the Wolfpack theme...

DISCO INFER-NWO walks out and grabs a conveniently placed fourth headset. He asks why there aren't any Disco Inferno videos and why we have to watch Konnan's music video yet AGAIN. Hey, Disco Inferno is now my FAVOURITE WCW SUPERSTAR EVER! He asks that, out of the respect they have for him not having a video, that they not play Konnan's video tonight. Tony immediately pitches to

Konnan's Music Video - fortunately, Disco Inferno is too clever for this crowd - he's already doctored the video with his own bad self, chromakey style. He eats the worm! Give him the Brer Rabbit award, for sure.

We come back to the commentary table - Disco gloats and Tony can't help but laugh - 'cause Disco's too clever for him.

Konnan T-shirt ad - when the announcer says "K-DOGG," it sounds like "Gay Dogg." That's all I'm saying.

WCW Spring BreakOut '99 happens NEXT Monday! Sponsored by CINN*A*BURST!

Oh, I guess that movie was "Ravenous." I'M feeling kinda ravenous...for some CHEEZ-IT PARTY MIX!

David Flair hums the Mission Impossible theme - oh wait, maybe that's Nash - he and Sam are watching David and Denise and making appropriate MST3Kisation. David says "you're a very good looking person, but I have someone I really care about, and it's the first time I ever really loved somebody, you know, ever in my life." Man, he's SELLING that line. I totally BELIEVE him. Good Lord, know we're TOTALLY ripping off "The Graduate" just in case we didn't get it before. David disses her and she gives up. Nash is unhappy while Sam thinks "it's sweet." "That kid's old man has got our belt ... it isn't about that. Are you in love with this kid?" "Come on...I'm sorry, I just melted - that was sweet." "That's the problem in using a woman to do a man's job." "I'd like to see you do better." "She didn't get the job done." "Okay, well we'll see what my next plan is." This goes on for about half an hour. Nash is all "you owe ME," and she's all "whatEVER" and I'm all "get ON with it."

LIVE from the Nitro Party, I must remind you that Cinn-A-Burst and 1-800-COLLECT bring you the Spring BreakOut. Riki brings out NORMAN SMILEY who teaches Rachtman how to dance. Smiley fails to smack his bitch up, but promises that he'll wiggle next week in Panama City.

The Treacherous Three talk some more about Ric Flair winning his 14th World championship - he'll be coming up soon - right around the time RAW starts - and here's some still shots from last night's big cage match. Nowhere is it mentioned that it was a first BLOOD match, nor do we see any BLOOD in the still shots.

(Fifty-five minutes after) Opening Credits

Hey, look it's (what's left of the) Nitro Girls!

FIREWORKS! Don't you DARE touch that dial because Ric Flair is IMMINENT! Fade to the limo arrival shot. Is that J.J. Dillon driving? No, I guess not. Arn Anderson is out. A coupla lovely ladies are out. Hey, there's a coupla MORE lovely ladies. Now Flair is out. Flair says something about his wife. Charles Robinson joins them in their walk to the ring. The title is polished up...

GENE O. works tonight! And now the assembled humanity makes their way to the ring. It's THE MAN, ARN ANDERSON, CHARLES ROBINSON, and FOUR LOVELY LADIES. Camera finds a sign to focus on while it's being forcibly removed by WCW security, HA! Gene tries to take issue with Robinson's performance at Uncensored, but Arn interrupts things before he gets an answer. Arn suggests that just because Charles is dressing a little nicer, it just means he's a professional. Turning to Robinson, Okerlund suggests that three count was a fast count. Robinson says that every employee of WCW owes a debt of gratitude to the boss, Ric Flair. Flair gave him the assignment last night and told him to use his discretion, and in his eyes he made the right call and did the right thing. Okerlund takes umbrage at Robinson's discretion (umm, WHY?) and turns to Flair. "Gene - and I mean - Gene, tonight, of all nights, we're just gonna pretend like the wrestling business is starting all over again." I wish. "Because, unfortunately, whether anybody alive that watches sports likes it or doesn't like it, I am, not only the fourteen-time World Heavyweight champion - I now - I now am the most powerful person in this sport because I am the President of the greatest, grandest wrestling organisation - WCW - in the entire world, and I call the shots. And in my own modest way, let me say-" and that big ovation we hear is sadly, apparently for COLD BEER who's making his way to the ring. Say, where WAS Goldberg at last night's PPV? "You wanna congratulate me on being the world champion, or being president for life?" "You know, Mr. President, the way I see it, last week, when the NWO jumped in the ring, I had you beggin' and pleadin' for your life. Also, the way I see it, you're lookin' at the #1 Contender. So that being said, Mr. President, how 'bout a title shot - TONIGHT?" "Waitaminute waitaminute waitaminute - whoa! Whoa whoa whoa!" And now BIG POOCHIE is out to remind us that he's carrying the book. "Hey Nature Boy, sorry to come down here and, ah - step on your little parade tonight - but let me tell you something - if anybody around here is the #1 Contender - it's ME! What you did last night is you robbed Hollywood Hogan of the belt - you know it, you know it and YOU know it - and don't you jump back - you might have 200 wins, but baby, you've got one loss - and you're lookin' at it!" Before we get too much further, YOU KNOW WHO is out. "You know somethin'? First off, I don't even know why anybody out here is havin' this conversation - Big Kev, I see things exactly the way you do. And as far as I'm concerned, I'm the one that got stabbed in the back - you were gushin' like a hog, I had you down for the three count, and I'm still the Champion!" "the three of you, y'all talk it out, Double A and I got a party to go to!" Hogan: "Hey Flair, how'd you get those women, with your American Express card brother? Let me - let me tell you something, the way I see it. Apparently, I'm all geared up and ready to go to get my belt back. But ti looks like I'm not gonna be able to get my hands on you unless Big Kev slaps around old Baldy a little bit. The way I see it, me 'n' Nash have something in common, I want a piece of you, he wants a piece of you, and he DEFINITELY wants a piece of you, so how about it, Flair." "One more time, it don't matter how the three of you see it, I'm goin' downtown with the girls, 'cause I'm the president, got it?" Flair walks over to Goldberg, who shoves him down to the mat. Somehow, Goldberg thinks if he accepts this tag team match, he'll get a shot at the belt (huh?) so it's on. Flair and Goldberg team up against Nash & Hogan. Maybe later this'll make more sense...

It's BLACK-N-WHITE-NWO-GRAIN-O-VISION in full effect as Horace and Vince discuss Horace's failure to aim the slapjack towards himself in their match last night. Vince and Horace separately take turns telling each other that Hollywood has put them in charge of the black'n'white - Vince says he's going to go talk to Hollywood and get things straight.

TONY GWYNN - NO, WAIT, THAT'S REY MYSTERIO, JR. (with Konnan music instead of his own) v. (billy) KIDMAN for the World Cruiserweight championship - Lockup, Kidman goes behind, Mysterio with a headlock, going up, going down - Mysterio hands on and Kidman goes tumbling. Headscissor takeover by Rey. Kidman whips Mysterio into the corner, and comes off the ropes with a lariat. Thank GOD Rey's not wrestling giants anymore. Pick up, off the ropes, Rey scoots through, hits a gut shot, off the ropes, Kidman with a monkeyflip - Rey ducks a diving Kidman, who goes outside the ring. Rey on the apron - rana to the floor! Rey throws Kidman back in. Larry and Tony are arguing about NOTHING. Rey tries a springboard but eats a dropkick on the way down. Kidman with a forearm, off the ropes, Rey kicks - Back bodydrop over the rope - Kidman dropkicks him to the floor. Kidman with a pescado! Now that they're both outside, the old "RAW rule #1" is in effect - one or both men out, time to take an ad break.

When we come back, they're in the ring and Kidman's on him. Whip into the opposite corner is reversed and reversed again - Rey up - feet around the neck - yep, flying headscissors takes Kidman out of the ring. Rey's gonna fly - springboard somersault! Mysterio throws him back in - springboard guillotine to come back in himself. 1, 2, kickout! Whip into the opposite corner is reversed - Rey pops up but Kidman puts him on his shoulder - there's a slam - going for the shooting start press but Rey is back up too fast - right hand - Rey puts him in position, climbs the ladder, 180 on his shoulders - Frankensteiner! 1, 2, NO! Whip is reversed - Rey with a quebrada but Kidman catches him - Rey squirms out, but Kidman kicks him in the stomach and hits a facebuster, but ONLY gets 2. Whip into the opposite corner, Rey puts a foot up - but Kidman catches it. Powerslam, but Rey holds onto the leg and THERE'S a near fall. Rey ducks a clothesline - back body drop and Kidman flips over - NOBODY calls that a Rydeen bomb - 1, 2, shoulder up! Three elbows quick from Kidman, clothesline ducked, Rey with a facebuster of his own. Rolls him over, 1, 2, no. Whip into the ropes, is reversed and stopped. Kidman tries a Rocker Dropper - Rey tries to block it - Kidman ends up grabbing his head and just driving it into the mat. Kidman climbs for the shooting star press - it MISSES as Rey rolls away. Rey outside the ring - rana! 1, 2, NO!!! Whip into the corner - Rey springs off the second rope in the corner but Kidman sits on him - Rey shrugs him off, Kidman holds on and hits a tornado bulldog - Kidman tries for a THIRD time for the shooting star press and for the second time, Rey pops up, this time crotching him on the post - both men on the top - two rapidfire counters and we end up with a SUPERbulldog from Mysterio. 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new cruiserweight champion. (9:44) Kidman congratulates him in a class display of sportsmanship. Tenay decides to plug the WCW hotline again, what?

Stevie Ray and Horace talk about the slapjack incident - why yes, Stevie Ray DOES say "sad sack." Stevie heps him to the haps - Hollywood made him the boss of the black'n'white, by the way. Horace says that HE was made boss by Hollywood. Horace says "Nephew - boss" by way of determining the relationships - then he decks Horace and says "now that's the BOSS talkin'." Disco Inferno happens upon the situation - Stevie tells him to send a message to Hollywood - "if he's blowing smoke up my chimney, I don't like it, and you don't DO that to Stevie Ray." Did they get this cameraman from ECW? Horace tells Disco that he wants Stevie in the ring tonight - and he'll SHOW him who's the boss. Disco stirs it up - hey, how come he takes the WHITE guy's side? So I guess sometime tonight we'll get Horace and Stevie Ray - in a match which should, no doubt, carry all the excitement of last night's Vince/Stevie Ray clash and then some.

They're not REALLY hanging from the rafters, are they? Gene O. welcomes THE VANILLA MIDGETS (*Sure* you didn't say it, Nash) out for an interview. Dean Malenko and Goldberg kinda have the same voice, don't they. Benoit & Malenko have a mutual admiration society thing going. Tonight, they defend (lose) the titles against - well, they didn't say. Oh, it might be right now, though.

Still shots from last night's epic lumberjack match between Windham & Hennig and Benoit & Malenko show that they needed Arn to cheat for them in order for them to win the titles. Err, I mean, they are worthy champions!

Bobby Heenan joins the commentary team.

VANILLA MIDGETS v. FIRST FAMILY (with James Hart) - did it bother ANYBODY that last night, Hugh Morrus and Meng didn't fight ONCE when they were both lumberjacks? Benoit & Barbarian start - lockup, to the corner, referee "Blind" Mickey Jay forces a break. Lockup again, to the corner, gut shot by Barbarian, chop (woooo!), again (woooo!), forearm, into the opposite corner, Benoit ducks and lays out Barbarian with kicks and punches - unfortunately, he turns to the crowd and Barbarian gets the upper hand. Barbarian gets some shots in and tags in Hugh Morrus, who gets HIS shots in until Benoit reverses and chops (woooo!) away. Barbarian comes in, so so does Malenko. Barbarian quickly dispatched, double whip into the corner, Malenko whips Benoit, who slides through his legs, tripping Morrus on the way, and Malenko dropkicks him in the head. Benoit back in. Suplex for 2. Tag to Malenko, off the ropes, leg lariat for 2. Off the ropes, Morrus kicks and tags in Barbarian. Drop toehold by Malenko, step on the head. To the corner with the headbutt - that shouldn't hurt the big Tongan, but it does. Now to the opposite corner with the headbutt. Barbarian pushes off Malenko, who throws a right to Morrus taking him out - ooh, kick of Fear and Malenko's outside, where Morrus AND Hart put the boots to him. Thrown back in, Barbarian hits a sidewalk slam on Malenko for 2, Benoit making a save. Barbarian to the eyes. Step on the face and tag. Morrus with a who knows submission hold. Seated abdominal stretch, we'll say. Crowd comes alive but Malenko fails to get out of the hold. It's only because Morrus wants to drop an elbow that there's a break. 2 count. Tag to Barbarian. Double whip, double back elbow, 1, 2, kickout. Blatant chokehold by Barbarian. Malenko punches away but Barbarian drives him into the corner. Chop (woooo!), bodyslam. Barbarian makes a wish and kicks him in the lower abdomen. 2 count. Rear chinlock by Barbarian. Malenko elbows out, comes off the ropes and eats an elbow from the Barbarian. Tag to Morrus - legdrop between the legs (ouch) and somehow Malenko kicks out at 2. Morrus spits at Benoit, who comes in to distract the referee while Hart and Barbarian choke Malenko on the second rope while his back is turned. Snapmare by Morrus as the commentators make fun of boxing. Rear chinlock AGAIN - he powers out as the crowd encourages them. Sunset flip fails. Morrus with the power moves, tag to Barbarian - it continues. Front chancery - Malenko fights his way to the corner and tags Benoit but of course Jay misses it. Tag to Morrus. Top rope elbowdrop MISSES - Malenko rolls into his corner and tags Benoit. HE'S A HOUSE ON FIRE! Wow, he German suplexed Hugh Morrus! Through a series of counters, Benoit puts on the Crippler crossface but Barbarian is quickly in to make the save, then he's thrown out to Jimmy Hart, who applies the boots with rapidity. Meanwhile, Malenko is in and the doubleteam is on HIM. Barbarian holding him powerbomb style and he's dropped across Malenko's knee. We totally miss what Benoit's doing to Hart, but the crowd cheers, so I bet he's getting his. Barbarian taps his boot but the kick finds his own partner when Malenko ducks. Meanwhile, Benoit's climbing the ropes - swandive on the unconscious Hugh Morrus as Malenko takes Barbarian over the top rope. 1, 2, 3. (8:53) Where was Arn during this match anyway?

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls!

BUFF IS THE STUFF leads SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER to the ring. He's a freak, you know. "Cincinnati sucks ... hooches ... so this goes to all you freaks ..." and when we FINALLY get somewhere, Steiner blames Buff for his mental lapse in last night's match which cost him AND the NWO the World Television title. Steiner says he's not the same since he hurt his neck, and maybe he doesn't belong in the NWO anymore. Of course, I'm thinking this whole fight is just a swerve like everything these guys ever did last year. Buff says since he got back into shape, maybe Scotty's a little bit jealous. "Remember, as good as you look, you will always be second best next to me." "Scotty, this is getting a little bit out of hand - you're Big Poppa Puff - but you're not Buff - and you're not the Stuff." Steiner reminds him that he was nothing before he joined the NWO, and if they kick him out, he'll be nothing again. Buff says "I was an American Male!" No, actually he doesn't. He apologises again and asks that it be dropped. Scott drops the mic and they shake hands - then they embrace - whoops, no they didn't - there's a belly-to-belly suplex from Steiner. Nobody EVER makes up - even when you LIVE by the swerve, I guess. Steiner has a chair now - WICKED chair shots. Steiner recliner - pulling back HARD on the neck just for added heat. "Buff - you and all your fans (mute)." Hey, you can't say SUCK on television, har har. Censor fails to mute Steiner saying "no, YOU suck" to another fan.

Spring Stampede is Sunday, 11 April!

STEVIE RAY v. HORACE (hogan) - last night, Stevie Ray and Vincent - oh, who cares. Horace strikes first with some kicks, then takes him to the outside and follows. Double sledge off the apron. Still on him - whip to the barricade. Horace with some punches. Stevie reverses a whip into the barricade. Big kick from Stevie and he's over the rail. Head to the rail, Ray snaps him back in. Head to the apron. Stevie with some measured blows and they're back in. Whip, duck, high knee from Stevie Ray. Scoop and a slam - measured elbowdrop for 2. Right hand by Stevie Ray - whip into the corner, Hogan throws up a knee to turn the tide. Big lariat from Horace to take him down. Splash for 2. Rake of the face, into the corner, chop (woooo!), again (woooo!), kicks aplenty, pose to the crowd. Whip is reversed, off the ropes with the slowest powerslam in the world. Stevie picks him up and puts him in the corner. Right, left, right, left, repeat at will. VINCENZO is out with a chair as Stevie hits a sidewalk slam. Stevie invites Vince in the ring but Horace hits from behind. Fallaway slam by Horace, then he turns to Vince. While they're discussing, Stevie turns around a whip attempt and Horace hits the chair - and Vince. Stevie with the inside cradle, 1, 2, 3. (3:56) Vince runs off before Stevie can chase after him. Referee "Blind" Scott Dickinson doesn't do anything terribly disgruntled during all of this.

I HATE KONNAN v. DISCO INFER-NWO - Konnan is wearing Rey-style camoflauge, which isn't working, because I can still see 'im. Is that just wishful thinking or are the fans booing him when he's asking where his dogs be at. Konnan calls out Disco, and out he comes. Disco comes out to his own music for the first time in many a Nitro - I think, I can't remember, oh whatever. Lockup, Disco with the arm wringer, Konnan reverses and there's an armdrag hiptoss thing. Lockup, arm wringer again, Konnan rolls out of it. They hold on, run around, Konnan's climbing the ropes, there's a lucha style armdrag. Back to the centre of the ring. Tony is telling us how great it is that Ric's cheating. Somebody please clue him about the storyling. Back and forth off the ropes we go, hiptoss by Konnan, seated dropkick, stompin' away now. OR A LAY! Forearm, elbow, off the ropes, Disco with an elbow of his own. Disco poses, then hits a swinging neckbreaker! Disco is quite animated this week. Snapmare takeover - to the second rope, forearm smash hits but only 2. To the rear chinlock and just LISTEN to that crowd get behind Konnan. Konnan elbows out anyway, hits a flurry of punches, but Disco stops him and hits a clothesline. WHO will get dumped in the pool next week? 1, 2, no. Off the ropes, Konnan reverses and puts him in a waistlock - there's a - a - well, I forget - kinda like a Spicolli driver but not. No it WASN'T a cradle DDT, Tenay - or if it was, Disco didn't know it and sold it completely wrong. ANYWAY, Konnan tries putting on the tequila sunrise (eat the WORM!) but Disco is too close to the ropes and in fact he's now outside and walking away. Konnan is after him, axehandle from behind, kick, stomp, head to the barricade. Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman is out to try to break this up - with all three men out of the ring, we simply MUST take an ad break.

THUNDER ad!

When we come back, Konnan eats an elbow, then gets knocked down by Disco. Stomping away now. Head to the turnbuckle. More kicking away. Now THE TOTAL WOLFPACKAGE and LIZ are out. Hey, Liz looks good. Luger and Disco exchange wolfpack signs. Disco with a bodyslam as the commentators tell us Luger has the wrong arm taped tonight. (I remember NO arms taped last night, but oh well). Disco to the second rope but the forearm find NOTHIN'. Konnan with the whip off the ropes, tumblin' clothesline. Another whip is reversed, Konnan runs around him and hits a bulldog. Cover. 1, 2, no. Back and forth, back kick, facedrop by Konnan. Liz is up on the apron. Konnan with the Ten Punch Count Along and NO ONE counts along. NOW Liz is distracting the ref real good - Disco reverses a whip into the corner and Konnan's head hits Luger's taped arm. Disco hits a Chartbuster for good measure. 1, 2, 3. (9:47) I don't know what Konnan did to fall out of favour with the booker, but I gotta say I wish he'd keep doing it until people like Barry Horowitz are getting wins over him. Bobby says "Tony, this is the BEST Nitro we've ever done!" at a random moment, but it made ME laugh. Replays make you wonder what exactly is in that taped arm, but I guess we don't find out tonight...

Hey, look, it's the Nitro Girls!

Hey, that guy in the front row was giving HIMSELF the Claw! Youch!

CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO (with taped ribs and without Ralphus) v. BOOKER T. for the World Television title - apparently, Jericho landed hard on the chain and that explains the taped ribs. Apparently also, Jericho gets a TV title shot once a month whether he needs it or not. Jericho gets no mic time. Commentators fail to note that not only is Booker T. a SIX-time TV champion, but he never lost it the LAST time. Booker again tells the camera it's the sixth time and I love it when he does that. Jericho has words with Penzer - probably something to do with the fact that he gets no mic time tonight. Jericho has a problem with Booker T. shuffling his feet. Lockup - no, Jericho kicks, off the ropes Booker T. hits a shoulderblock. "Aaaaaaahhhh!" Lockup, gobehind, waistlock takedown by T., into a hammerlock by Jericho, both men up, Jericho holding on, Booker T. reverses into one of his own. Back elbow by Jericho - shoulderblock off the ropes by Jericho - back and forth, leapfrog, flying jalapeno by Booker T. for 2. To the headlock by Booker T. Tony shills the replay instead of calling the action. Just say BLOOD once, come on. Jericho manages some kicks in the corner, raking the face with his boot. Whip into the opposite corner is reversed, but Jericho puts up a boot, kick to the gut, suplex is countered and Booker T. hits a kick, and a back kick. Sidewalk slam. 1, 2, no. Armbar. Booker T. now stands over him and wrenches the arm back further. Off the ropes after powering out. Back elbow by Jericho, clothesline is ducked and T takes him over the top rope to the outside. Now he's following. Jericho with a chop (woooo!) Whip is reversed and THAT is reversed and T. hits the barricade. Jericho stays on him. Head to the STEEL steps. Jericho breaks the count - here's a scoop and a slam. I would give the commentators a MILLION dollars to call ONE move in this match. Jericho posing to the crowd - T. struggling to get back in the ring - when he gets to the apron - Jericho to the second rope - springboard dropkick! T is again outside, so let's take an ad break.

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by 1-800-COLLECT!

Promotional consideration paid for by WCW Bashin' Brawlers ("Ohmyachin' - ARM!"), Hi-Ener-G scam pills, Arrid XX TotalSport, Blimpie!, and IceSport from Aqua Velva. Why do all these smellin' things have "Sport" in their name?

When we come back, Booker T. is fighting out, under a clothesline, holding the ropes so Jericho's dropkick finds nothing. Catapult into the top turnbuckle! Belly-to-back suplex! Both men down and referee "Blind" Johnny Boone puts on the count. They're stirring at 7, Booker T. up first at eight. But Jericho catches him and drops him throat-first on the top rope. Right hand from Jericho, chop (woooo!), stand on the throat. Break at 4. Jericho poses to the crowd and gets back on him. Whip into the opposite corner, Booker T. is up and over with that patented surprise rollup for 2. Jericho kicking the head. Booker T. comes back but misses a dropkick - Jericho with a Lionsault, but he holds his ribs after landing. The cover's a little less quick as a result and he only gets 2. Jericho picking him up - open-handed slap to the face, again. T. ducks a clothesline and hits a spinning heel kick. Off the ropes, HUGE spinebuster, but ONLY 2. Whip, reverse, up and over, Jericho runs back, flapjack, breakdance, kick to the ribs, axe kick. The beginning of the end for sure - he's on the top rope - Jericho PULLS Boone in the path of the missile dropkick and it HITS. Jericho kicks and punches, whip is reversed and T hits a MASSIVE clothesline which takes Jericho out of the ring. Boone's come to now and calls for the bell. Jericho walks away (DQ 12:57) and Booker T. is declared the winner.

Bruise Cruise ad - the Nitro Girls will be there! And they'll be NAKED! Well, not where YOU'LL see 'em...but sure!

BIG POOCHIE & YOU KNOW WHO v. THE MAN & COLD BEER - how come Hogan never gets a graphic with his name on it, anyway? How come David Penzer is introducing these guys? Why do I ask such boring questions? How many world titles amongst these guys? Well, let's see...Flair with 14, Hogan with 11, Nash with...2? And Goldberg with 1. Close enough - 28, Tenay. Maybe he's counting tag titles, too. Tony notes that the Wolfpac came out together and Flair & Goldberg are not - well, there's a point for Tony. Not coincidentally, I see "Blind" Charles Robinson in there as the third (fifth) man. We've got five, MAYBE ten minutes left in this show, in case you're wondering. Anybody seen Bischoff since the attack in that field? Flair is telling Goldberg to start the match - Goldberg grabs Flair by the neck - then press slams him into Nash. No opening bell - sidewalk slam by Nash. Tag to Hogan who points the finger and punches away with a series of rights, whip into the opposite corner, Flair flip, run the apron into Nash's boot. Hogan outside - head to the barricade. Hogan with rights. Rolled back in, Flair with an eyepoke. Snapmare by Flair - Flair to the top rope - that NEVER works! Hogan beals him across he ring. Clothesline, 2, 3 - Flair desperately tags Goldberg and falls out of the ring. Is Flair WALKING AWAY? Lockup, Hogan with a knee, clubbing forearms to the back. Suplex attempt is blocked, again, Goldberg with a suplex of his own. Hogan pops up as Goldberg poses to the crowd. Hogan hits a lariat and poses and GOLDBERG pops back up. Superkick from Goldberg! Both men up. Test of strength - no. Lockup, back and forth, Hogan to one knee, back up, to the corner. Reversal, Robinson calling for the break and Hogan not complying, staying on him with punches - head to the opposite turnbuckle, back to the first one. REPEATED heads to the turnbuckle - Goldberg says "the hell with this" and stops, then takes HOGAN's head to the buckle. Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine, again, kick to the gut, Hogan with a kick of his own, forearm to the back, HOgan has him reeling with rights. Goldberg tries to reverse a whip, Hogan holds onto the top rope. Reversal! Punch from Hogan, Goldberg shakes it off. Goldberg blocks another one and cuts loose with one of his own. Right hand from Goldberg. Off the ropes, reversal, Goldberg is clotheslined from behind by Nash, then taken down by Hogan. Tag to Nash. Into the corner, patented knees to the sternum and right hands. Framed elbow(tm). Tag to Hogan. The name "Scott Hall" is mentioned randomly. Off the ropes, Hogan with a lariat. Elbowdrop, lightning elbowdrop. 1, 2, no! Front facelock and a tag. Nash with a kick, double whip, double big boot - wow. Goldberg picks up Nash and bodyslams him. Thrust kick. Hooks the leg - 1, 2, no. Nash with an eyepoke - head to the buckle. Tag. Hogan with a forearm across the back. Belly-to-back suplex. 1 count. Tag to Nash, whip into the opposite corner, Goldberg puts up a boot. Clothesline on Nash. Flair calmly standing there and Goldberg showing no intent of tagging. Nash with a Golotta. Tag to Hogan. Right hand, whip into the corner, follow lariat. Double throat shot, into the opposite corner, Goldberg manages a shoulderblock coming out. Flair claps his hands, fooling Robinson that there was a tag apparently, as he's in now and chopping away on Hogan. Hogan shrugs it off though. Another big chop off the ropes - Hogan is doing the jackhammer pantomime. Flair off the ropes - Hogan blocks the punch - punch, punch, punch, punch to Flair, punch to Goldberg, who comes in but Nash is on HIM with a big boot. Big boot from Hogan as Goldberg gains an advantage on Nash, taking him out of the ring. He follows and they brawl on the outside and Hogan hits the BIG LEGDROP OF DOOM! Cover but Robinson looks around and doesn't count. Hogan has Robinson in his mitts now - Right hand and that FLATTENS Robinson. Meanwhile, Goldberg is back in and laying in wait - SPEAR! And - we're OUT OF TIME??? (about 9:30 before signoff)

Oh, no! This was a GOOD show! I wonder what people will find to complain about if I say that I LIKED the show! Oh no! There must be something WRONG with me because I'm so BIASED that I can't be allowed to ENJOY a GOOD show!

Okay, until next week (or later this week). Read me in "Moonsault" and I'll get back to you with more fun and games next Tuesday.