Many thanks to many of you who felt that I needed more pictures of Spice and enclosed them in "happy birthday" emails last week. People, you only encourage my lecherous behaviour with this positive reinforcement. Mull over THAT, wouldja?

WCW - the Star of David - Flair, that is!

"It's WCW Monday Nitro, live from Washington, DC! Before we talk any further, here are the Beautiful NITRO GIRLS!" Hey look! It's (five of the) Nitro Girls! AC Jazz is again strangely missing - is she in trouble or something?

WE ARE LIVE from the MCI (WorldCom) Centre in Washington, DC 15.6.99 for WCW Monday Nitro! This post-GAB show comes to you live via time zone delay on Turner Network Television for THREE SOLID (as opposed to cheesecloth-holey) HOURS. Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE and BOBBY HEENAN, who are radiant, basking in the afterglow of the Great American Bash and the knowledge that Kevin Nash is still the WCW Champeen - but at a price. The STUNNING return of Sid Vicious SHOCKED us all! Sort of.

Let's immediately head to the still frames of the title match. Randy Savage and three women weren't enough to stop our hero, even with the damaged ribs - Big Sexy WOULD NOT BE DENIED - until Sid Vicious showed up and demolished him JUST like he did four years ago when Nash was Diesel and Vicious was ... er ... Sid.

Hey, it's a Humvee! (Get it?) And there's Team Madness exiting! And Savage ranting!

Opening credits - just in the nick of time

K-Dogg Str8 up G'z 4eva T-shirt shows the power of the language of the streetz, and how it iz uzed to zell T-zhirtz

WCW Nitro LIVE is brought to you by Eagle One! Who?

DJ RAN is all up in our area. He wants to know where the rowdiest section in the building is, but he won't get off his ass and leave his wheels of steel to find out. Somebody scream! Because you HATE DJ Ran!

Let Us Take You Back to Last Night and some stills from last night, where Mister P and the 2 Unlimited Soldiers showed up for no apparent reason. Also, there was some wrestling - Hennig and Duncum taking on Konnan and Mini-Konnan. The stunning reappearance of Barry Windham (and don't tell me you weren't on the edge of your seating PRAYING that would eventually happen!) was foiled when the massive bodyguard Swill injected himself into the matchup and helped out the True Defenders of Rap.

BRIAN ADAMS (he needs somebody - somebody like you) & VINCENZO v. CURT HENNIG & BARRY WINDHAM (with Bobby Duncum, Jr.) - Curt Hennig's new theme, "I Hate Rap," made last night's pay-per-view WORTH the ENTIRE price of admission! Tony says "Be quiet, let's listen to the lyrics" - and then the sound guys promptly play an INSTRUMENTAL version of the theme. Whoops. Who wears short shorts? Windham wears short shorts! Plus, for some odd reason he's wearing yellow gloves - if he used Palmolive he wouldn't have to cover up his hands like that. Hennig and Windham are FORMER WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! As you might expect, the commentators spend this entire match talking about ANYTHING but this match - Sting is going to be okay despite suffering from lacerations last night because - oh I'm sure I'll get a chance to bash it later. Also, Piper did some weird stuff - you're shocked, aren't you. The sad thing is, even while Hennig has managed to claw his way back into my personal Current Top 5 Guys to Watch Wrestle after what seems like an eternity, I still can't be bothered to provide any play-by-play for this matchup. Tony identifies Windham's gloves as "work gloves," which DOES sound more manly than "kitchen gloves." Tony says that we didn't see who was driving the Hummer tonight - just like last week. Oh, God, please keep it coming. Hennig with the Greco-Roman kick to the balls. This just goes to show that no matter how boring a match is, I'll always call the nutshot. You know, it's like they're playing the NWO as the FACES in this scenario here, as Vincent is the (de facto) face in peril. HOT TAG TO BIG BRIAN ADAMS! HE'S A HOUSE ON FIRE! Military press of Windham! LEGDROP! 1, 2, -- NO!!! Well, Hennig's in to stop this because everybody knows HIS team is supposed to win tonight. Suffice it to say that while referee "Blind" Randy Anderson is distracted, Duncum's bullrope comes into play and Windham scores the pinfall on Vincent in a match that took ALL NIGHT. Well, almost. (10:06) This match was probably better than I'm giving it credit for - then again, it may very well have not been...Milky Way brings you the replay - and Tony MILKS IT!

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Naya water (which you need after scarfing down a Slim Jim), the Super Soaker CPS 2500 & 3000 (fill it with Naya!), Motel 6 7/8 (Ummm, I have no link to the Super Soaker here), and IceSport by Aqua Velva - use it before taking your date to your room at the Motel 6!

Looking out on this crowd, I can't help but notice that a lot of suckers paid good money to watch this live. The Dynamic Duo still wonder who was driving the Hummer last week. Because they have nothing better to talk about - oh, wait, they DO! Mister P and the 2 Unlimited Soldiers! There was a major press conference in Washington earlier today - let's go to that footage.

Gene O. acts as MC with a dias consisting of Konnan, Mini-Konnan and Eric Bischoff and an empty chair. Chuckle as Gene says "I Miss My Homiez" while running down the resume for P. After introducing him and his bodyguard, "the massive Swool," P shows up and butters up WCW and "Mr. Eric" and then says "No Limit" a couple million times. Mysterio says that people who listen to rap appreciate P's message. Bischoff says that P and the Soldiers have a very positive perspective - their music, philosophy and approach to entertainment and life in general will bring a lot to WCW. Oh my. P says hootie hoo or something like that.

HENRY R. NOTHHAFT appears on my television screen! You the man, Hank! Don't let Concentric's plunging stock price bring you down! We'll bounce back, baby! I still believe in you!

WCW MasterCard ad is full of obsolescence and inconsistency - but by it's very nature, that MAKES it consistent.

Here's a still shot of the lucky (?) winner of the free trip to the Great American Bash because he used his WCW MasterCard - I'll bet he has a STING card! Anyway, there's a new contest coming up - winner gets a trip to Halloween Havoc - loser gets TWO trips to Halloween Havoc (rim shot).

"What up, Motch?" "Oooh yeah!" Why, yes, it's that time of the show to bring out RANDY SAVAGE & MADUSA 6 - Savage has found another insane fuzzy feather coat to wear (white). Savage talks loud and says nothing. But man, Madusa's outfit makes me want to stand up and salute! Savage says last night he was crowned the uncrowned champion, or something. George does one of those stripper dances that I'm pretty sure Bob Ryder once referred to as "as wholesome as the breast milk of a loving mother." Well, maybe not. Anyway, Savage says he's gonna be a whole lot more Vicious from now on, ooh yeah. "The reason it's hot in here is 'cause my career's on fy-yer." As God is my witness, I have no idea what that interview was supposed to accomplish other than kill about six minutes.

Hey, look, it's the Nitro Girls! Say, isn't that the same outfit Chae wore when her nipple - oh, never mind.

Let Us Take You Back to Last Night's Pay-Per-View Match between Mr. Intensity and the D-F-G - still shots actually give this match more life than last night. Also they mask the camera edits of the behind-the-curtains footage of Tank Abbott and the real-life dogs. Because there were two dobermans and a Rottweiler. Two dobermans and a Rottweiler.

"No animals were harmed in the making of the previous still shot montage."

HUGH MORRUS (with James Hart) v. (billy) KIDMAN - This match could be a pay-per-view matchup in WCW! HOWEVER, that's not a compliment by any means. Standard big-man vs. little-man matchup has the big man dominating the Cruiserweight. Heenan says that Morrus needs to blot out the crowd's chant - and fails to add "much as the sound guy just did for the delicate ears of the home audience." Anyhow, Kidman comes back, Hart introduces a chair and then distracts him away - Kidman blindly tries to get a shot in on Hart, giving Morrus enough time to scoop him up and - wow, DROPS him on the TOP of the chair, which was stood up in the seated position. Yikes. Now Morrus lays the chair down in the ring - time for - NO, YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN! Morrus' head hits the chair on the way down following the reversal into the faceplant - here's the shooting star press! 1, 2, 3. (4:02)

wcw.com spot - if you try REALLY hard, you can find Chris Jericho's REALLY old entrance music on there. I did!

DJ Ran is all up in our area, and he wants us to bounce, and make some noise, and - what, this week, he's an ORIOLES fan? I don't believe him.

GENE O. works tonight! If it's almost time for the opposition's show to begin, it's time to bring out THE MAN and blame him when all the channels switch. Flair is accompanied by ARN ANDERSON, who's dressed up in a Great American Bash Crew T-shirt. Flair shows off the label of his jacket. Flair pauses from telling us how great it is to be President of WCW to implore a young lad to shut up. Jacket's off! Flair says tonight he's going to make a major coup happen. He's going to ask one of the greatest performers/wrestlers/athletes/badasses to become Vice-President of the World - ROWDY RODDY PIPER? Piper is accompanied by SIX PIPERS which apparently Flair paid for tonight. Piper has a grin on his face as he walks to ringside. Piper says he hasn't heard that much wind passed since Bam Bam Bigelow had a burrito at Taco Bell and it all goes downhill from there. Flair says he'll take care of all the whiners, "on Bill Clinton's honour," which triggers boos in the building. Piper says he'd be happy to be the Veep, but he has just one question, if Flair keels over, will he get the job? Flair says "you know at my age I might fall over right now, you never know" but if he does, it's Piper's job. Flair and Piper do a little dance, but before they can make a little love, DEAN MALENKO strides with purpose to the ring. Malenko says this ain't 15 years ago. "I'm a little sick and tired of gettin' pushed down and held down. I speak for myself. I speak for the Rey Mysterios, I speak for the Billy Kidmans, the Buff Bagwells, the Chris Benoits, the Perry Saturns, and the other guys in the back. 'cause it's their time! It's their moment! You know, have a little class - Wayne Gretzky stepped down, John Elway stepped down and passed the torch - that's class, Ric. You say you're class - prove it!" "Are you comparing two lightweights like Gretzky and Elway to Flair? You're out of your mind, I'm Ric Flair! And I ain't gonna pass the torch!" "Let me tell you this, Ric Flair! I'm not asking you anymore to pass the torch, I'm telling you, collectively we're taking it, if you like it or not!" "You better take a look around, pal, 'cause you're standing in some pretty heavy traffic to be talking to me like that." "There's one piece of the puzzle that's left, to clear my mind. Arn Anderson, two weeks ago I let you know where I stood - what side of the street I'm walkin'. I'm asking you - where's your head up, and which side of the street are you standing on?" "You know, couple years ago Dean, we wouldn't even be having this conversation, but since we are let me explain something to you. You don't bum rush greatness - greatness comes to those with excellence over time. That's why the names Piper, Flair and Anderson fifty years from now will head that list. Now if you're in the passing lane, I'm gonna give you the best and the last advice you will ever need from me - you understand? You're either a Horseman or a Casualty of the Horsemen. I'm gonna be where I've been the last ten years." "Hang on, hang on, I'm the Commissioner, I'm the Vice-President, and listen, you've had your say - you weren't invited down here, time for you to move on, huh?" "Hold on a second, Mr. Piper, this isn't part of your business-" but Piper CLOCKS him. Now the triple team is on - BUFF IS THE STUFF makes the save, but it's not much of a save as the triple team hits him. and now HE'S down. In a split screen, we see Benoit and Saturn watch the proceedings - as they go to join the fray, they are stopped by the Triad - Bigelow, Kanyon and Page. Four men are left laying at the hands of six. Hey, Page is wearing a SCOOPS shirt! Surely this is a sign of the Impending Apocalypse! Bagwell starts his comeback a little early as the TV audience gets to see it before we go to ad break.

Closed captioning where available sponsored by America (ha!) Online!

Tony shills the WCW Hotline. Suddenly we are treated to the dulcid tones of Eric Bischoff, who has joined the commentators, d'oh. Coming up, the match hyped by...

Hype package of the Cat and Scott Norton, and the Cat and Horace, and the Cat and the NWO Black and White.

THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION CAT (with Sonny Onoo) v. BIG SCOTT NORTON in a Return Match - My God, ANOTHER pay-per-view QUALITY event! Bischoff says that Flair and Piper only THINK they're in charge. The rest kinda goes in one ear and out the other...Cat reminds us that he believes he's James Brown by promising the "Big Payback." Bischoff tells us that Cat is TRULY a lethal competitor, proving that all the rumours MUST be true. Anyway, the NWO music starts - then stops. Cat turns to the crowd and says he KNEW he was chicken - and fails to notice a roaring Norton on a dead sprint to the ring. Cat turns around and takes a chop. Whip into the opposite corner, splash from Norton, lariat, Cat rolls out. Norton over the top rope to the floor (which the camera misses). Chop (woooo!), stomp, head to the buckle. Whip into the barricade. Cat tries to waffle him with a drink, but that has no effect. Wow, I've seen like three website shill signs tonight. The chase is on outside the ring, Norton catches him. Back in the ring we go. Face rake by Cat - dropkick to the knees to take him down. Cat stays on the back of the legs and Norton slowly gets up, then chops him down. Scoop and a slam from Norton. Norton motions for the powerbomb, Onoo climbs to the apron, referee "Blind" Billy Silverman turns away, and Cat hits a Golotta. Cat rolls outside and Onoo slips him the ruby slipper. Norton manages to duck a kick, Cat ducks a clothesline, slips up off the ropes, Norton picks him up and there's ANOTHER ducked lariat, which hits Silverman. Bischoff's quick to inform us that that was an "inside crescent kick," then goes on to make fun of Jim Ross calling "savat kicks," which I haven't heard him do in - umm, YEARS. Anyway, Onoo's in with the crowbar, whack, ref revived, 1, 2, KICKOUT! Norton is up - and looking straight at Onoo. Before anything can happen, however, Cat lets loose with a ruby slipper superkick - 1, 2, 3. (3:42) Cat defeats Norton again. All three commentators completly miss the fact that he was using the shoe and talk about Cat's devastating "standing side kick" instead. Oh my. Cat starts his James Brown impersonation. James Brown! James Brown! James Brown! James Brown! James Brown! James Brown! I'm not old enough to be making that reference, and most people reading this aren't old enough to have ANY idea what I'm doing now. James Brown! James Brown! James Brown!

Bash at the Beach is Sunday 11 July!

James Brown!

Hey, look! It's (most of) the Nitro Girls! Eric says something about a "world wide Nitro Girl search" coming up. I guess we have to be ready with replacements in case any problems come up, right?

DISCO INFERNO v. VAN HAMMER - Bischoff says that we better hurry to pick up our Superdome Nitro tickets, because Mister P will be there to make noise - if you're into that, you know, as opposed to, say, WRESTLING. Stay tuned for exciting details of the Nitro Musical Summer! Did Bischoff actually say "Shut up and call the match?" THIS IS A BATTLE BETWEEN PAY PER VIEW SUPERSTARS! Bischoff, of course, promptly puffs up the remarkable ability of Van Hammer. Later on tonight, eight man tag action with Piper, Flair, Page and Kanyon vs. Malenko, Bagwell, Benoit and Saturn. Bischoff proclaims this the greatest thing since grape gum. Well, not in so many words, but it's just AMAZING that just because somebody got on the Internet and said "young vs. old will SAVE this company!" that they're suddenly going all out to let us know that there's a young vs. old thing going on. And who knows, maybe it WILL work. But when it doesn't, are they going to blame the Internet for tricking them? That Internet IS kinda tricky. Meanwhile, during this match that Eric wanted us to shut up and call, everyone's talking about Savage and Nash - hey, you don't think they'll just continue THAT issue and wait for Sid to quit before doing anything with him, do ya? Bischoff makes me laugh twice by describing Hammer as "methodical," while, for an encore, describing Disco as "polished." Bischoff NOW says hi to Bret Hart - which confuses me, because Hart quit WCW in Toronto. Ohhhhh. NOW Bischoff is talking up Chris Benoit, which should prove to all of you that he doesn't mean a damn thing he says - only that he hopes it's what the viewers want to hear and will tell a friend about, bringing up the ratings so he can brag again. Crowd, meanwhile, is chanting "boring" because they don't have the full force of Bischoff to contend with to while away this match. Crowd boos after a completely botched - let's say swinging neckbreaker. Side Russian legsweep from Disco - second rope elbowdrop, Hammer kicks out. This match will NEVER end. Attempt for the Chartbuster - Hammer shoves him off and into referee "Blind" Scott Dickenson, knocking him out. Disco ducks a clothesline and comes off the ropes with a proper swinging neckbreaker. Cover - no count as Dickenson is out. Disco manages to revive him as Hammer manages to revive himself. There's a - suplex of some sort - 1, 2, 3. (7:51) Hammer with the upset - oh boy! I can't wait to see what they do next with him! Disco has a tet a tet with Dickenson, then gives HIM the Last Dance.

Here's the cover of "Detour," showing Dennis Rodman. Eric Bischoff is happy to announce that despite the fact that his last appearance ended in a lawsuit, he'll be back again for WCW's One Hot Summer. I can't WAIT to watch him wrestle another match more worried about his 'do-rag staying on that actually wrestling.

Let Us Take You Back to Last Night, where Chris Benoit was graciously given the opportunity to job another title away on Pay-Per-View as he and Saturn lost to Page and Kanyon with Bigelow, despite Malenko coming out to...well, we don't really know what he was doing. Maybe they'll explain that if only we STAY TUNED!

FIT FINLAY v. NASTY BRIAN KNOBS (with James Hart) in a Hardcore Match - Finlay attacks on the outside, head to the post. Bischoff is still there. Head to another post. Kneelift - whipped into the STEEL steps. Finlay goes after Hart but thinks better of it - still, Knobs gets him in a fireman's carry and drops him on the barricade. Run into the other set of STEEL steps. Right hand from Knobs, right, thrown in the ring. God forbid this match goes into the ring! But there we are. Finlay blocks and there's the clothesline. Bischoff FINALLY reveals what he said last week on wcw.com - that he heard a woman was driving the Hummer - not one of Madusa 6. Butt splash by Finlay for 2. Headbutt to the gut in the corner. European forearm. Whip is reversed, and Knobs gets in a clothesline. Time for a trip to Pitty City. Whee! Right hand from Knobs, whip into the opposite corner, but Finlay lifts the boots - then runs into a powerslam. 1, 2, Finlay kicks out. Knobs takes Finlay between the ropes where Hart tries a field goal kick - ha. Bischoff says he had a chat with Hollywood Hogan - he's walking around just fine and has a real positive attitude about the wrestling industry. JUST WHAT WE NEED. Knobs misses a splash - Finlay hits another cannonball AND a double stomp for good measure. Headbutt to the gut in the corner. Tumblin' slam from a fireman's carry for 2. Finlay is awesome. Head to the gut misses this time and he hits the post. Went to the well too many times and now Knobs is wailing away on him. Motioning to Hart, and he's bringing a chair into the ring. I missed Knobs raking the face of referee "blind" Mickey J. - why bother, was he gonna DQ him? This is a hardcore match! Anyway, Hart in with the chair but Finlay blocks it. While they tussle over the chair, Knobs saunters over and ends up taking a chair to the cranium. HAK, meanwhile, makes his way to the apron and gets in a lightning-quick kendo stick shot while no one's looking - THIS shot to the head is enough to keep him down for a 3 count. Finlay with the upset (or as I like to say, "the right decision") (4:47)

Kevin Nash is NEXT! Don't you DARE go get a snack now!

Great American Bash encore presentation ad

Good Lord, that looks a lot like (THE LOVELY) SABLE in the audience of this main event. We can only imagine why this makes Eric Bischoff laugh like a hyena. *I* can only imagine what kind of countersuit Mrs. Mero may have opened herself up for in exchange for the opportunity to appear on a TV screen one more time, for a bit over thirty seconds.

BIG POOCHIE makes his way to the ring as we take one more look at ol' what's her name. I *think* I heard Nash say "eat your heart out Sable!" under his breath. Bischoff says "it's on" and probably touches his nose while he's saying it. Nash says "Big Sexy in the" and then nobody says "HOUSE!" or at least it sounds like it. Oh, the sound crew turned down a "Sable" chant apparently. No wonder it sounds so silent in there. Nash tries to talk about Savage but nobody's interested anymore. We take another look at Sable since she's more interesting than Nash. Nash says he wants to talk to Sid - he wants him tonight, for the title. Bischoff says "Now it's really on!" - umm, okay. Nash is gonna kick his (mute)! Sid appears on the big screen and laughs about his ability to push the right buttons - tonight, he'll come down and take what's his. Nash says that Sid's bitten off more than he can chew, and Bischoff says again that "it is REALLY on." Let's take one more look at that mysterious woman in the front row!

Let Us Take You Back One More Time to Some Still Shots of Piper and Flair, which actually look JUST LIKE video excerpts - ha ha ha. Anyway, Bagwell got involved, costing Piper the match - stupid Bagwell.

DJ Ran implores us to make some noise whilst he's all up in our area. Ran asks the crowd to say "hell (mute)" - I didn't know you couldn't say "yeah" on Nitro, anymore. How come Ran's big turntable move is to play a record backwards, REALLY fast? ANYbody can do that! *I* can do that! Maybe we should all right to WCW and tell them *I* should be the DJ Ran. I mean, I figure I have as much chance as these wacky online reporters begging the Big 2 for every OTHER job out there. And hell, wouldn't you rather have ME take money from these guys? Ha!

THE MAN & ROWDY RODDY PIPER & DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE & (khris) KANYON (with Trippa B & Asya) v. BUFF IS THE STUFF & VANILLA MIDGETS & PERRY SATURN in Exciting Eight Man Action - This leads off the third hour, yup. Flair, Page and Kanyon are disposed of out of the ring while Bagwell wails away on Piper with the Multi Punch Count Along. Piper finally makes it to the outside while the "young" guys each take a corner and pose in an interesting visual. Bischoff is STILL out here yakkin'. Let's try to restore some order here - okay, Flair and Benoit start - the best we could hope for, I think. Flair CHOPS! And again, but Benoit turns it around and HE chops! (Woooo!) Repeated chops - whip into the opposite corner, Flair runs out into a back bodydrop and the crowd comes alive. Snap suplex. Page in - Benoit ducks the clothesline and puts on the Crippler Crossface - Piper and Kanyon come in and now it's a Pier 8 Brawl. Again the fearsome foursome exit the ring. Page borrows some water from Bischoff 'cause they're buddies (that was a "smart" comment of me) and now it's Piper and Bagwell in the ring. Piper wants the test of strength - Bagwell kicks him in the gut. Bischoff tries to give the smarts a buzz by talking about Page and Flair's backhistory. Bagwell takes Piper over the top rope, but he's quickly back in and on Bagwell. A little interference, but now Piper is on him - but Bagwell is showing off HIS punching ability and Piper's out on his feet. Atomic drop! Piper reaches for the tag - but it's to Saturn, oops. Piper calls for time and drops to his knees. Bagwell poses and Flair comes in from behind and attacks the back of the knee, taking him down. Old guys are smarter, see? Tag to Flair - let's take an AD BREAK? ALL those crappy matches we had to SIT through and they give us an ad break for THIS match? Of course! See, you might actually GIVE a damn about this match! Plus you're DYING to hear what Eric Bischoff says NEXT! And maybe they'll put Sable in even MORE trouble later!

When we come back, Kanyon is leaving the ring and Flair is in the ring, with Benoit. Right hand. Benoit rolls out of a backdrop attempt, of the ropes, rollup - 2 count. Hiptoss attempt countered with a backslide - another 2. Chop for Flair, takeover, Benoit counters with a leg scissors, Flair rolls it over for 2 - Benoit bridges. Mat wrestling, when it works, is cool to watch. Another backslide for Benoit for 2 as Bischoff talks up Benoit to make the smarts forgive him. Flair manages a belly-to-back suplex - figure four attempt is countered with an inside cradle for 2. Flair grabs the leg again - Benoit hits an enzuigiri. FLAIR FLOP! *Benoit* is going to put on the figure four - and does! Page in - Saturn in - there's a figure four on Page! Kanyon and Piper in - FOUR FIGURE FOURS! Triple B is in - and there's a legdrop on Benoit. Flair covers Benoit and there's 2. Piper gets a choke on Benoit on his way out. Flair reaches for the tag and Kanyon's in. Head to the buckle. Right hand. Top rope Rocker Dropper. Cover - 1, 2, Bagwell makes the save. Off the ropes, Benoit up and over but no Sunset flip as Kanyon tags Page, who gets a blind shot. 1, 2, Saturn saves. Page stomps on the back. Page gives Saturn a shot, distracting referee "Blind" Johnny Boone, and there's a doubleteam behind his back. Flair gets in a Golotta while Boone talks to Page. Malenko protests and draws the ref's attention again. Benoit in the bad part of town. Chop (woooo!), Benoit kicks at Flair but he's being held down. Tag to Kanyon, elbow to the back of the head, Benoit hits an elbow of his own. Back and forth, Benoit now getting all the chops in. Kanyon spins Benoit around, where Page is waiting with a clothesline. There's a (sorta) tag to Piper - who slaps Benoit. Something's muted here. Roundhouse right is blocked. Benoit punches back. Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine again. Benoit on him, Piper with a double leg takedown and all over him. cover for 2. Tag to Kanyon as Piper holds him down. Off the ropes, tag to Page, Page with a gutshot, Kanyon with a Russian legsweep, Page with a flourish elbowdrop. Front facelock from Page. Bagwell starts the rhythmic clapping as Benoit gets two steps closer. Benoit reaching - Piper has Boone tied up and he's gonna miss the tag to Saturn. Kanyon in illegally, double suplex. Page to the top rope - pose - off the top, but Benoit gets the feet up. Bischoff talks about an elbow injury Sid gave Nash (that didn't happen in WCW - oops) - Who will make the tag? Of COURSE it's Benoit, who tags Bagwell. Tag to Flair, who goes down after one punch. Bagwell whips him into the corner, back body drop, right hand, clothesline, Page in, Page out, Piper and Kanyon in, Bagwell taking control. All eight men in now - Kanyon dumps Bagwell as he tries a ten punch countalong - yow. Now everybody's outside and it's on. Somewhere in all this, Flair ends up back in the ring and Bagwell hits the Blockbuster. 1, 2, 3. (15:28)

THUNDER! ad features the Cat

DJ Ran plays Jocelyn Enriquez - again - what, did he SLEEP with her once? Hey, look, it's the Nitro Girls!

Here's another look at what's her name in the first row.

Why, yeah, that was the whole segment!

WWO presents lucha libre Sunday, 20 June at 5pm at the San Jose Plaza & Rodeo Arena at the Fair Ground! Perro Aguayo's farewell tour! Hell, with AAA in the house, I should probably go. Huicho Domingez! Where's my money?

NO-SMOKIN' HAK (with Pornstar) v. RICK WOOF WOOF for the World Television title - Bischoff makes the "movie" joke again because he's EDGY. Camera happens to find a "WELCOME HOME SABLE" sign. I wasn't paying attention - what did Bob Ryder say about the attack dogs last night? The TV-PG-L ratings box pops up and this is the first one I remember tonight, 2.5 hours into the show. Someone's gonna CUSS tonight! Steiner attacks at the bell, it quickly goes outside, chairs are involved, Steiner didn't bring the belt with him AGAIN (did he like MISPLACE that TV title belt?) - now they're walking back to the entranceway, Rick randomly punching security guys on his way. Jesus, they're not gonna go backstage and into camera edit land, are they? Well, they ARE backstage. Rick takes Hak into some barricades, Hak dutifully cartwheels before hitting the STEEL. Hak tries to elbow back but Steiner pushes him into a ladder. Steiner goes for referee "Blind" Billy Silverman. Hak pushed into some food service trays. Hak into an SUV tailgate. Steiner rips a ski rack off the SUV and now they're trading blows - Hak off the roof to the hood. Steiner with an axehandle that dents the hood as he lands. Hak FINALLY gets in some offense, taking Rick into the side of the truck. Now Hak takes apart a conveniently placed motorcycle and takes Rick's head to the pieces he pull off of it. Hak to a Humvee - Rick comes back and takes Hak into the hood of the Humvee - Hak backwards over the motorcycle, Rick waffles him with the tailpipe. Back to the tailgate. Rick throws the spare at the ref. Hak comes back with a piece of motorcycle. Rick's head to the Hummer. Steiner comes back with a tailpipe shot, and a choke with it. I think he's out, Doctor. Steiner with one more shot. Hak walks away (I guess he's NOT out) and manages to get in a ladder shot. Rick thrown into the bed of the Hummer - they're punching on there. Rick slams him on the roof and apparently he went through - but (THIS IS) STING emerges from the Humvee! Rick taken through the side of a conveniently placed RV. Lord. Now Sting and his baseball bat walk Steiner out to the entranceway. Bat to the gut! Sting grabs a mic and continues to the ring. I bet it's good to be back - good to be back in black. "Riddle me this - riddle me that - who's afraid of the big black bat? And by the way, what's black and brown and looks good on Sting? A Doberman pincher, hahahaha! What's black and white and looks good on Steiner? Sting, that's who! Iiiiiiiiiit's SHOWTIME, folks!" He's got a million of 'em! Thank you, you've been beautiful! Here's a bat to the chest. Sting says something but I can't hear him over Bischoff trying to be funny - and failing. Sting puts Steiner over his back and walks backstage. We're not really interested in this, apparently, because we go to an ad break. Let's say (No contest)

The WCW/NWO Superstar Series presents two new videotapes! Kevin Nash: The Outsider, and NWO 4 Life! Hey, look, there's the Giant! There's Syxx! Whatever happened to those guys?

We show an Owen Hart sign that, miraculously, was NOT confiscated by the WCW Sign Police. Bischoff utters some heartfelt words he thinks we want to hear - big phony.

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Wendy's Sooper Value Menu!

DJ Ran says "yeah yeah" a couple hundred times because, as you may have heard, he's all up in our area.

LA PARKA y PSICOSIS c. KONNAN y REY MYSTERIO JR. (con Mister P y No Limit Soldiers) - I am TOO depressed for words - I can't even get jacked about Parka and Psychosis being in the final quarter hour. Two guys in this ring deserve better and they AIN'T the ones decked out in the No Limit fatigues. Plus, they NEVER have EVER said anything about being "4 life" (have they ever even gotten MIC TIME?) but Konnan can't be bothered to deviate from his catchphrase lest the fandom stop singing along. Bischoff's singing the praises of Konnan like he's been mowing his lawn and washing his car or something. You know, that Swül's been in New Japan Pro Wrestling! He must be awesome, right? Parka and Psychosis should already have won from the BLATANT interference the Soldiers are providing here. La Parka no-sells a punch from Mister P at least - so I guess he'll be fired tomorrow. Double pin (6:24) but "I Hate Rap" (with lyrics this time) is played over the loudspeakers after the victory - we look over at the DJ position as CURT HENNIG, BARRY WINDHAM and BOBBY DUNCUM JR. stand triumphant, then walk off as the assembled masses in the ring make it over. Mister P takes a mic and tells the "cowboys" they're gonna get "rowdy rowdy bowdy bowdy hootie hoo" and the crowd BOOS. I hope P cashed his cheques already. Bischoff: "I think they're having themselves some fun!" P looks around and then breaks a prized piece of Ran's vinyl collection. Bischoff intimates that the competition offered P three times the money just before the ad break. That's EDGY of him. I wonder if he's got proof. Naah.

MICHAEL BUFFER is out - thank GOD he was here, 'cause this match was TOTALLY unplanned! Bischoff sings along with Buffer because he's ... ah, just END this already. The Champion enters first even though that's the WRONG way to do it and WCW is usually much better about this. Nash has one of Van Hammer's old tie dyes with a white NWO logo on it - how confusing! He has a bad knee and broken ribs, but Big Sexy is ALL HEART, baby. Closeup of the belt shows a KEVIN NASH nameplate so I'm guessing he holds onto the belt tonight. Sid comes to the ring to "What up Motch?" "Ooh yeah!" Buffer calls 'em Team Savage so I guess I should stop saying "Team Madness." Oh, who cares? We stare at the entranceway and now RANDY SAVAGE is out with a mic and MADUSA 6. Did Sid quit already? Geez, that was fast! Savage asks Nash to hand the belt over before he makes the biggest mistake of his life. Nash tells him to come in and get the belt - Nash drops it, Savage goes to pick it up and Nash hits a right. Nick Patrick rings the bell. Is this a match?