/18 October 1999
SPLN 25 1/4 (-3
1/2, oh my)
BREAKING ALREADY BROKEN NEWS: Of course, I haven't seen it elsewhere on this site, so that makes it NEW TO YOU! Since everybody's in town Friday for the big Oakland show (no word on whether I'll be there or not - I think somebody missed a deadline, probably me - I promise to make a lot more noise NEXT time around), and since Saturday in San Francisco is the World-Famous (For No Good Reason) Exotic Erotic Ball, instead of going to Reno for the house show, Kevin Nash is sticking around to put in an appearance. Dennis Rodman is supposed to be there too, along with a bunch of porn stars and all around fun types. The hilarious thing about it (well, to me) is that if you go to their website (and I can't be bothered to work up the HTML to tell you it's exoticeroticball dot com), you won't find this information - it's disguised as an appearance by "wrestler THE BIG SEXY" which is presumably supposed to 1) make it sound more sexy and 2) keep the prying eyes of WCW away from finding it out by clicking on a website. Thank GOD they don't read THIS report!
Of course, I will avoid the Ball like the plague - although interestingly, as of press time I have not been able to discount rumours that our own Mark Madden WILL be there in full fetish regalia - later to strip down to a thong and "get jiggy with it."
Martin Fry invades Palo Alto on Thursday! It's JUST LIKE going to an ABC concert except it's a hell of a lot smaller! I'm still trying to figure out how I see that AND recap SmackDown! - stay tuned to this website for further information
How can you tell the Russo/Ferrara era has begun? WE START WITH
THE WCW LOGO
A limo (that's not just a limo - it's a KING limo) pulls up, and I have to notice that Sex has been added to the TV-PG-DLSV ratings box (Russo! Ferrara!). Anyway, Sid Vicious, in suit and closed captioning logo is flanked by three lawerly-lookin' types. Friends, as well all know, it's ALL fun and games until the lawyers get involved...
Opening Credits - WHOA WHOA HOLD THE PHONE why are the Nitro Girls dancing around TOPLESS? Must be Russo and Ferrara!
We are LIVE from the First Union Spectrum in Philadelphia, PA 18.10.99 and let the fireworks begin! Sixteen segments of CRASH TV for your viewing pleasure! Let's start with...a MATCH? THAT doesn't sound like Russo and Ferrara...
JUVENTUD GUERRERA v. OUTRAGEOUS EVAN KARAGIAS - entrances have been cut to THREE seconds! Well, maybe I'm exaggerating. I suppose in that suit Sid won't come out and break up THIS match. Lockup, dueling hammerlocks, off the ropes, Juvi knocks him down. Back and forth we go, leapfrog, hiptoss from Karagias. Dropkick! Clothesline over the top rope and out he goes. He follows up with - waiting for him to get back in the ring. Vocal Philly crowd intimates that Juvi sucks. Back in, clothesline ducked, Guerrera with knife-edge chops (woooo!), into the corner, splash misses - Karagias charges but meets the boots - Juvi charges into a powerslam, no countered with a headscissors. Guerrera motioning for the Juvi driver, to the crowd's consternation. Ten Punch Count Along even as Juvi plays heel - Karagias on the receiving end of a big splash - 1, 2, no! BRET CLARKE is out?! "I came here tonight, and somebody in the back told me that I can't have any time for an interview, so I guess I'm just gonna have to make time for myself." Well, I guess THIS match is over in under three minutes (No contest). Russo! Ferrara! "I wanna make something really clear. I left the WWF two years ago for one reason. I came here to the WCW to fight Hulk Hogan and win the world championship - and I've been lied to and lied to and filled with more lies one day after another, and a couple of new guys show up and politics starts to take its place again and they tell me this match with Hulk Hogan is never ever gonna happen." Some (Metallica?) fires up and here's (THIS IS) STING. He's got another hairdo! Alert the media! "Hey Bret! If you could just, uh, join us here in the real world for a little while you'd realise one thing - promises do not come true in this business. You talk about your time - and you talk about your legacy - I gotta tell you something Bret, I got your legacy [right here]" and he points to his crotch. Why'd they mute THAT? I guess we should all get used to it... "You see Bret, nobody cares that you've been [screwed], we've all been [screwed] in this business!" Nice surgical muting there... "So if you can put your attention to Hulk Hogan aside for just one minute, I'm gonna do something you're really gonna appreciate, Bret. I'm gonna give you what you came to WCW for, I am gonna give you a shot at the World title tonight! Oh, and Bret - don't forget...tonight on Monday Nitro, it's showtime, folks."
Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE & BOBBY HEENAN. Schiavone wastes no time telling us that tonight is Russo & Ferrara's initiation, but doesn't go so far as to tell us what exactly that means...but you and I know, wink wink, don't we. Tonight, Sting and Hart go at it for the title! Goldberg takes on the Total Package! Harlem Heat defends against the Filthy Animals! And tonight - a New York evening gown match between Madusa and Mona! Hold the phone - Madusa's still around?
Tony intends to throw it to Mike Tenay, but first let's find out that this portion of Nitro is brought to you by Starburst Hard Candy - give it some juice!
MIKE TENAY stands in the back with Sid Vicious. Before he can say much of anything, his "legal team" advises him not to make any comments on the subject at hand. Before the night is over, the world will know what is going to happen.
Here's a white limo - and Goldberg exiting it. What does this mean, asks Tony? Hey Tony, I BELIEVE it means that Goldberg's at the Spectrum. Let's take that first ad break!
WWF Attitude for the PlayStation ad - how odd - must be a local spot??
Backstage, Sid and his legal team talk strategy. There should be
no problem, judging from the contract language...
Wanna Party with Savage and George? Snap into a Slim Jim and hit wcw.com!
VAMPIRO (with ICP jacket and not ICP) v. DISCO INFERNO for the World Cruiserweight championship - each man gets a four second entrance - then LASH LeROUX comes out for guest commentary. Vampiro kicks Inferno in the back of the head since he was busy looking out at LeRoux. While Vampiro kicks away, let's look at the commentary team instead. LeRoux ain't got nothin' on Disco Inferno heah, I guar-on-tee. Un-yown. Hoo boy them's wondermous! Oops, Vampiro just got pinned following a missed twisting moonsault and Last Chartbusting Dance - oh boy, we're sure looking forward to all this, aren't we? (1:02) Thanks for stopping by, Lash! There's an attack from behind by LeRoux on Disco - there's the Whiplash. This run-in took ALMOST as long as the previous match! So did Vampiro sign or NOT?
THELIVINGLEGEND LARRY ZBYSZKO is backstage with Goldberg - he don't like Sid, he don't trust Sid, he don't sweat what Sid does. Six days from now, it'll be a jackhammer and a 1-2-3. And now a word from our sponsor!
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, WCW Tough Talkin' Wrestlers ("They're really talking to each other!"), Tootsie Rolls'n'Pops, America (ha!) Online, Croissant Pockets from Hot Pockets, and Tootsie Caramel Apple Pops!
"Wait, my child - for it is your time." "When does our journey begin?" "On the seventh night, we begin our reign of terror and darkness. WCW, fear me, you will - stop me, you can not." Dustin's got that KID talkin' like the Black Scorpion, for crying out loud!
Mike Tenay talks to Medusa - how's she feel about being part of WCW's first New York Evening Gown match? Madusa finds this match beneath her. She rambles a bit more, then says there probably won't be a match tonight - she's done.
GENE O. works tonight! NITRO GRRL KIMBERLY stands with Philly semi-finalists CHIQUITA and STACY - no time for wrestling but we can STILL squeeze in a close look at these two - largely because Chiquita shakes her ass a lot - and so does Stacy, hmm. Before we end this segment, the music of BUFF IS THE STUFF fires up and he walks to the ring. Buff proclaims himself the Chosen One - the man to bring WCW all the way back. He says about fifteen times that he's Buff and he is also the stuff. Looks like he's refound his heel roots. Well, they may be moving at a breakneck speed, but I still manage to notice two hotties in the front row flanking a couple of empty seats...
Larry Zbyszko talks to Mona, who's got no problems with tonight's match
Backstage, Kimberly is looking for David Flair. And....hold the phone - no, wait, pick up the phone and call a friend. Tell them that she's....she's....she's
New Year's Evil is the name of the last Nitro of 1999 - last week's Match of the Week saw Meng take down Konnan, and because of that, Steve Mosely from Lakefield, MN has won a trip to the Astrodome! You can win if you keep track of TONIGHT'S match of the week and then enter on WCW.com!
Halloween Havoc promises the Total Package vs. Bret Hart, Diamond Dallas Page vs. Ric Flair, Goldberg vs. Sid Vicious, and Sting vs. Hulk Hogan - well, at least this promo does. The card, of course, is subject to change.
Backstage, Sid Vicious talks about the phenomenal amount of money the lawyers are charging him - sounds like he's getting ripped off to me.
Meanwhile, Goldberg tapes up and says something to himself that we don't hear as the music's already fired up.
MATCH OF THE WEEK: RAYMOND STEREO & KONNAN v. HARLEM HEAT for the tag team championship - the Filthy Animals get to the ring in two seconds, but Konnan STILL gets to do his spiel on da mic. Wow, I haven't seen Booker T. in trunks since...well..I don't know if I've EVER seen Booker T. in trunks! Stevie Ray opts for the pants. Konnan makes a Stevie Ray face to Stevie Ray, which is semi-amusing...for Konnan, anyway. Stevie Ray and Rey Mysterio start - who do YOU think is gonna get the better of this matchup? We get all of a minute out of the way before EDDIE GUERRERO, KIDMAN & TORRIE WILSON walk arm in arm down to the ringside - Torrie in a new fur coat. Guerrero gets on headset and does a lot of talking about how filthy they are. Kidman says something about pitching a [tent] - why would the word "tent" get muted? Backstage, we take a gander at Hugh Morrus, Brian Knobs and Jimmy Hart talking strategy - since they have a tag team title shot at Halloween Havoc. Let's talk about Torrie some more! Wrestling sucks! Nobody wants to see wrestling! Funny moment sees Rey thinking about running in - then locking eyes with Stevie Ray, and changing his mind. When did Eddie Guerrero become such a freakin' idiot? Booker T. rushes the commentary table, and the camera totally misses it. IN the ring, Konnan and Rey doubleteam on Stevie Ray - Thesz press from Mysterio while Konnan has a double leg - let's see, both men on him, Ray's shoulders not really down - why of COURSE referee "Blind" Nick Patrick is gonna count 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have new tag team champions and life can't suck any more. There's no wrestling left on television. (5:57)
Promotional consideration paid for by Talking Nitro Arena (which looks suspiciously like the old set),
Croissant Pockets from Hot Pockets,
Tootsie Rolls'n'Pops, Blast O'Butter from JollyTime, Moen faucets, and
Tootsie caramel apple pops (again)
This portion of Nitro is brought to you by ToyBiz WCW Grip'n'Flip Wrestlers! You'll flip for 'em!
Kimberly finds David Flair, comes on to him, and gives him her hotel room key. David blushes!
Meanwhile, Mike Tenay is with the celebrating Filthy Animals - Eddie and Kidman dump a cooler on Rey and Konnan. Konnan asks for the Breezies, whatever the hell THEY are. Rey promises that all of WCW is gonna get Filthy. Oh boy. Now Jimmy Hart and his team demand the title shot at Halloween Havoc. Nothing's settled. Did I just see the two Nitro Girl semifinalists in that shot? Oh who cares.
THEMONSTERMENG v. HUGH MORRUS (with James Hart) - Morrus has lost his music in favour of the generic First Family theme, which is a ripoff of....well, I can't remember. Just take my word for it. As Herb Kunze might say, the most over guy in this match is Ric Flair, as the crowd lets loose with the "woooo!" every time somebody lands a knife-edge chop. As much as I enjoy watching both of these guys (and I really do - that's not sarcasm), I can't be bothered to give you play-by-play as we know it doesn't matter. As if on cue, SCOTT HALL & KEVIN NASH start to make their slow walk to the front row, distracting EVERYBODY from the match at hand. Meng shakes off everything, including a top-rope elbowdrop, does his dance, puts on the Tongan death grip and puts his shoulders down for 3. (3:40) Nash has some cough syrup!
Sid and his legal entourage are WALKING!
Meanwhile, Goldberg watches a monitor - then talks to it.
Sid's music fires up as the TV-PG-DLSV ratings box reappears (not NEARLY enough S in that first hour, hah?) - how come the first guy to NOT get a short entrance
Dig that "SID YOUR NEXT" sign in
the crowd - yeah, *I* have a lot of trouble spelling "you're" as well. My
God, EVERYTHING they say about wrestling fans is true! "If I could have
my professional legal team come on out..." and there's THE THREE LAWYERS.
"See, Bill, I warned you - if you were to lay one finger on me before our
final destination at Halloween Havoc, that it would NOT...take...place.
See Bill, I want you to look at me - I want you to look into my eyes -
because I am a man of my word. I am a man of integrity. And there's no
looking back now Goldberg. Hahahahahahah - there's no going back or
turning around, so if you will, give me the contract... With great
regreat, I'm going to rip up your future - your destination - and we will
never know what might ... of ... happened." Psst, Sid, "have." Hey
- there's a spear on one of the lawyers (whose head
WHACKS against the bottom turnbuckle - ohhhh) - Sid hits the big boot on
Goldberg...here's the powerbomb. "See, it's not gonna be that easy,
Goldberg - " and he shoves the contract pieces in Goldberg's mouth - " at
Halloween Havoc, I will kick your ass! At Halloween Havoc, I will kick
your ass!" Amazingly, the censor lets "ass" through - must be because
he's off watching RAW right now.|
Goldberg's up and outside the ring. Hall and Nash are laughing at him - there's a toothpick in the eye - there's a shove of Hall and a shot for Nash. The security comes between them and Doug Dillenger ejects Hall and Nash. What's Hall doing wearing one of Jericho's shirts? Sign in the crowd says "GOLBERG RULES" - oh for the love of... hey, Goldberg's got words on his trunks! "TEAM OBAKE?" Shrug.
Backstage, we see the Outsiders being escorted out. All them guys? They're WALKING! Something gets muted in here and I can't guess at it. Hey, there's J.J. Dillon! Nash tries to hijack a forklift for our amusement. Yeah, why have wrestling when this can go ON and ON...
And now here's a replay of what just happened.
Mike Tenay is in the locker room with Bret Hart - you never know what's going to happen in WCW - he'll take that title shot and tonight he'll win the World Championship. I'M thinking the Total Package will interfere for the DQ. Hart says if he wins the title tonight, Hulk Hogan would get the title shot Sunday. Before we get too much further, Sting surprises Hart and hits a AA minor-league beatdown before the cade of referees gets between them. And NOW we can take that ad break.
Ric Flair and Hollywood Hogan are the subjects of two new videos from the WCW Superstar Series! Hey, there's Syxx!
Security is STILL trying to get Nash & Hall out of the building.
Meanwhile, Goldberg stalks the halls looking for Sid. And in order to do that, you know, he must first start WALKING!
BERLYN (mit camera treatment und bodyguard) v.
RICK WOOF WOOF - for
fifty dollars, spot the face in this matchup. Heenan slips a "screwed"
past the censor. Berlyn attacks from behind, now they're trading punches,
whip into the corner, elbow from Berlyn, kicking away, kicking some more,
posing to the crowd, Steinerline and the crowd barks. I guess Steiner's
the de facto face. When you look at Berlyn's haircut from the top, it
looks like a...well, I don't know anatomy, but I don't have one. Hey
look, here's BRAD
ARMSTRONG come out to confuse us all - somehow
leads to the bodyguard conking Steiner in the coconut with a STEEL chair
so Berlyn can get the pin (1:51)
- Armstrong check on him (because he's a
face and Steiner's a heel), so Steiner wipes the floor with him, then
takes him all the way to the back. This post-match brawl lasts ALMOST as
long as the match! Berlyn has "Shaq" sideburns.
Let's take a loving look backstage - Hall & Nash sneak back in - indeed, it IS Nyquil Nash is chugging - and now they BOTH seem drunk.
Meanwhile, a camera is positioned at the lobby of the Mariott, where Kimberly is seen arriving
In the meantime, I've failed to note several "WCW Mayhem" ads during the break - including this one
A camera is in the hotel room, where Kimberly arrives. Somebody's running the shower, apparently. Kim takes off her coat to reveal a TV-PG rated one-piece. "We are gonna have a lotta fun tonight..." As Kimberly shows the camera the knockout pills that she plans on using in the champagne, the bathroom door opens - and it's *Ric* Flair come out in full suit! "The boy couldn't make it," but Ric promises the fourteen-time spankin' she should have gotten a long time ago.
Meanwhile, Goldberg is WALKING! He comes across the Insane Clown Posse (hey! The ICP is back!) and punches them both out when they fail to provide a satisfactory answer.
Larry Zbyszko stands with the Total Package and Elizabeth. He can leave the clowns laying, but he's the Total Package! And he's not scared, no sir, nope. Ummm....no he's not! And he's the Total Package! And did you hear something?
Jimmy Barron is a cheap bastard
If you wanna truly represent, drop sixty bones on a Rey Rey jersey!
Split screen shots show Mona and Madusa - one preparing, the
DAVID SAMMARTINO - ERR, FLAIR v. KIDMAN (with Torrie Wilson and no chyron) - there's a kiss, in case we're not reminded what's up with Kidman and Torrie. David, sufficiently angered, charges, but Kidman steps aside. Gutshot, robe removed, Kidman pounding and stomping on the back. Flair goes outside to regroup. Now back in. gutshot from Kidman, right hand, scoop - and a slam. Outside, slingshot in with a guillotine. Kidman brings him up - but flair gets in a shot - into the corner - WEAK charge that even has the crowd booing. Suplex is a bit nicer. Flair to the amateur moves, rolling up - 1. Into the corner, reversed, dropkick from Kidman. Belly-to-back suplex from Kidman, second rope springboard guillotine for 2. We all know this match can't end until Torrie opens up the fur coat, right? DDT FROM FLAIR!! Torrie's on the apron - there's a lingerie shot. Flair tries to cover her up - Kidman from behind with a shot, there's a semi-Ligerbomb. Kidman to the top rope - shooting star press - knee landing RIGHT on the face, ouch - 1, 2, 3. (2:35) The rest of the FILTHY ANIMALS are out and putting the boots to Flair - geez, that's not very facelike of them. Scoop slam from Konnan - patented headbutt from Guerrero, bronco buster from Mysterio. STILL beating him down. I guess this was a directive from Torrie or something. Does that put an end to this particular storyline? Who can say?
Backstage, the cameras have no trouble finding Hall & Nash, but security can't. They're looking for Goldberg. Hall is wearing a Jason Williams jersey, which confuses the hell out of me - I thought only *I* liked the Sacramento Kings! They come across Gene Okerlund, who points them in the last known direction of Goldberg. Nyquil is brandished yet again.
DDP T-shirt ad.
Sting (who is a heel) hypes the WCW MasterCard.
Ric Flair is back and he's WALKING - that hotel must be close to the Spectrum...
Tony proclaims that the new creative team has put their stamp on Monday Nitro like never before...
MONA v. MADUSA in a New York Evening Gown match - ...and the hits just keep on coming. The camera focuses on a youngun in the audience - humm. Madusa dares to actually WRESTLE in this match, and suffers from several unkind camera angles as a result.
An errant kick takes out referee
"Blind" Johnny Boone - Madusa hits her German suplex with a bridge, but
there's nobody there - not that they'd count the pinfall anyway, right?
There's a STEEL chair across the back. Madusa to the outside, and clears
the commentary table, then has some words. Mona outside, and there goes
the dress. Is that it? Well, Mona walks away. Let's call it
Meanwhile, Madusa whips the dress at Schiavone but the camera misses it.
Madusa over to grab a mic. "You really think I really wanted this evening
gown match? Well everybody behind here can really [kiss my ass, you know
what I] mean?"
Sting paces backstage - pacing being simliar to WALKING!
And here's Bret Hart - he too is WALKING! They will walk to the ring -
BRET CLARKE v. (THIS IS) STING for the World Heavyweight Championship - Hart doesn't use the entranceway - did it BREAK or something? Nope, it opens for the champ, who comes out to music available on the WCW CD (although no one's ever mentioned it on television - oops) Sting calls to the crowd because everybody hates it when he does that. This match starts at five to the hour - and will probably end just before the hour, sigh. Hart rushes Sting and the bell rings, laying into him with rights, hey that's not very sporting of him! Headbutt, right, right, right, right, through the ropes to the outside, head to the commentary table, head to the apron, small of the back to the apron, right hand, into the STEEL steps, to the barricade, back in the ring. Everybody back in, elbow to the back of the head. Headbutt to the ... lower abdomen. Face raked across the top rope. Now who's the heel in this matchup again? Right hand, right, rather blatant choke, kick, Sting goes to the eyes, and again, to finally turn it around. Another rake of the eyes. Scoop - and a slam. Off the ropes, big splash for 2. Stomp, through the ropes, Sting follows - now it's HART's turn to meet the table. Here's a cable choke. Referee "Blind" Nick Patrick trying to restore order but not exactly succeeding. Hart meets the barricade. Hart taken back in the ring, Sting follows, second rope Vaderbomb meets the knees. Hart with a clothesline, drops the forearm, DDT. Cover - but only 2. Swinging neckbreaker. Kneedrop and cover - 2. Vertical suplex. Hart covers but again only gets 2. Sting tries to pop up - Hart still on him. Right. Into the opposite corner, reversal and Hart hits hard. Sting takes him to the first corner - Hart's back hits. Again into the opposite corner, and this time there's a Stinger splash to follow up. Putting the boots to him,
standing on the neck. Sting wraps the legs around the ringpost and makes
a wish. Again. Man, a ringpost figure four would be sweet - but he
doesn't do it. Sting calls to the crowd again. Hart's head meets the top
turnbuckle. Sting puts on a headlock - Hart tries to get to his feet -
and succeeds! Right, right, right, hold broken, right, off the ropes, but
Sting drives a knee deep into Hart's abdomen. Hart pulled into the centre
of the ring - off the ropes with an elbowdrop. Sting calls to the crowd
again for the hell of it - Sting's da man. Legdrop gets 2. Sting back to
the rear chinlock - Hart grabs the hair but Patrick puts the kibosh on
that. Hart trying to escape - pushing Sting to the corner - hold is
broken, but not cleanly as Hart punches. Sting comes right back with a
face rake and a punch of his own. Atomic drop. Cover - 1, 2, no. Off
the ropes, Sting's dropkick misses as Hart holds on. Kneedrop, again, or
is that a fistdrop? Maybe both. Punch, headbutt, into the opposite
corner hard, pulls him out by the hair, headbutt, Sting goes down. Tony:
"How many times have you seen Hart use a headbutt?" Umm, I've counted
several this match, Tony - are we watching the same show? PILEDRIVER!!
1, 2, NO! Sign in crowd says "USE THE FORCE" but Hart chooses to stomp on
the lower abdomen. Hart tells Schiavone that he was that close to hitting
the groin, while Schiavone misinterprets is as him saying he was this
close to getting the three. Nice to see SOME things haven't changed, har
har. Right hand takes Sting down. Hart opens up on him with punches in
bunches. There's an uppercut. Time now for the Sharpshooter. Sting
reaching for the ropes - reaching - got the rope. Patrick calls for the
break and gets it. Hart with a rope-assisted stomp on the back of Sting.
Sting selling a limp. Hart with headbutts to the small of the back.
Backbreaker across the knee. Sting gets "a handful of eye" to prevent the
cover. Sting tries a suplex but Hart falls across him when he buckles -
1, 2, nope. Off the ropes, sleeper from Sting - Hart turns into it and
there's a belly-to-back suplex. Both men down and Patrick's count is on -
4, 5, 6, Sting up - to the top rope! Splash finds...the knees! Heenan
notices LIZ at ringside as Hart buries a punch in the gut - side Russian
legsweep. Second rope elbowdrop, I think we've fulfilled our Hart quota.
Ahhh, good old WCW. THE
NARCISSIST is out with the bat. While Elizabeth
distracts Nick Patrick, Package hits the ring and Hart meets him with
punches and forearms to the back. Sting gets caught with an atomic drop
as well, right hand - Package with a Gillooly on Hart. Hart pushes Luger
out of the ring but Sting quickly puts Hart in the Scorpion Deathlock -
Hart almost immediately taps. (13:45) Sting, Package and
walk off together while trainer DANNY YOUNG comes out to check on Hart.
Ric Flair has found David and coaxed the story out of him. He's off to find Kidman...
Meanwhile, Nash and Hall are WALKING! For a change, we watch them from behind instead of from the front. GROUNDBREAKING TELEVISION!
Hey! Another ad for WCW Mayhem - the videogame!
Those clever dicks - they're donning the masks of the Villanos! Nash is incredibly toasted, apparently.
Only one more week of the Search for the New Nitro Girl - I think maybe they should have a search for the OLD Nitro Girls - how about a search for Tayo while we're at it?
LA PARKA (jobber entrance) v. BUFF IS THE STUFF - Let Us Take You Back to THUNDER! where Parka and Bagwell *inexplicably* teamed up - followed by Bagwell turning on Parka. The entire world was shocked when La Parka was *not* revealed to be someone else just dressing up as La Parka at the end of THUNDER! Bagwell, meanwhile, is
coming out in a decidedly less
excited mood than earlier in the show - no top hat and goofy overalls as
well. Bagwell stands in the corner and fails to windmill pose. Must have
gotten some bad news. I guess he just got the news that Russo & Ferrara
were booking his mom in an evening gown match - to lose. Bagwell points
to a nonexistent watch. Lockup, chain wrestling, Bagwell shoves Parka
away. Lockup, Park with an arm wringer, to the armbar. Bagwell can't be
bothered - reversal, armdrag. Bagwell disgusted with everything. Lockup,
arm wringer from bagwell, shoves him off, kick to the gut, side headlock,
Parka punches out, off the ropes, shoulderblock from Bagwell, the main
camera fails, cut to another shot, off the ropes, dueling hiptosses and
Bagwell hits his. Bagwell sits on the second turnbuckle. Park gets up
and asks him to come in - Parka all over him now. Bagwell not fighting
back - whip into the corner, Bagwell sidesteps but fails to follow up.
Finally lunging at Parka, who dumps him over his head to the turnbuckle.
Parka runs at him but there's a drop toehold. Bagwell all over Parka -
then a half-hearted windmill and pose. Parka kicks him in the back of the
head. 1, 2, 3. Your winner is La Parka! (2:33) Bagwell pops up and
We cut back to the locker room, where everybody's laughing and pointing to the monitor, while Bagwell appropriates a headset from the commentary table. "Hey Russo - did I do a good job for ya? You know what? Who else can beat me, why don't you come down and beat me big man?" Bagwell gets into the centre of the ring and lies down. Parka, meanwhile, leaves the ring and gets some quality strut time. Hey, it's JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET come out to kabong Bagwell with a gee-tar! He wants the mic. "You wanna talk about stroke, Buff? You wanna talk about being somebody's 'boy?' Well let me tell you a little something about stroke. How is it that last night, less than 24 hours ago I was in Cleveland, Ohio wrestling on a pay-per-view and tonight I'm here LIVE on Monday Nitro?! Hey Buff, I got your stroke right here" and he fondles himself. Jarrett to the top with the double peace sign. Welcome back! I think Jarrett said "bitch" on his way out! Oh my! The Air Force - yes, the ENTIRE Air Force - brings you this replay. They start to play La Parka's music again, then realise La Parka isn't in this clip and cut it short.
This is a major WCW onsale announcement. Friday tix on sale for Cleveland, Denver for Nitro, Vail, and Salina! Tix on sale Saturday for Topeka for THUNDER!
Sting Is A Bad, Bad Man - but he might still keep the title at Halloween Havoc - SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY
Doug Dillenger and the crack security staff have somehow managed to look past the Villano masks and prevent Hall & Nash from getting to Goldberg. Somewhere in here, Nash apparently heaves - but the camera doesn't catch it. (Thank goodness?)
EDDIE GUERRERO (no entrance) v. CHAVO GUERRERO JNR (no entrance) v. PERRY SATURN (no entrance) in an elimination match - SHANE DOUGLAS joins the commentary team and says there's no problem with the Revolution. Eddie and Chavo forge an uneasy alliance - Chavo stands back and lets Saturn and Eddie lockup - then he hits an inside cradle on Eddie for 2. Eddie is a little unhappy, but turns his back to Saturn in the process. Saturn all over Eddie while Chavo cheers him on - until Saturn hits a head-an-arm superplex on Chavo. Back to Eddie, stomping away. Headbutt. Off the ropes, Eddie manages a headscissors. Tilt-a-whirl on Chavo. Stomp, stomp, Saturn grabs him and hits an Exploder. Scoop - and a slam. Quebrada - 1, 2, Chavo hits a legdrop on Saturn to break it up - top rope crossbody from Chavo but Eddie pulls him off. Eddie punching away - off the rope but Saturn gets in a clothesline on Eddie while Chavo holds onto the ropes. Chavo slides under, goes behind, ducks a lariat and hits a Northern Lights suplex for 2. Eddie breaks it up. over the top rope - and to the floor! Saturn back on Eddie - there's a kick and a cover - 1, 2, no. Saturn working on the arm, taking Eddie down, Shane doing a nice job on commentary here. Saturn grinding the other elbow into Guerrero's face. Got one arm held back and the other one on his chin. Chavo content to stand on the outside for now. Chavo getting back in the ring as Eddie elbows out. Saturn lunges at Chavo but he's back to the outside, so Saturn goes back to Eddie - hot shot on the top rope. Saturn to the apron - now climbing to the top rope - but diving onto Chavo on the floor!
Chavo taken to the barricade - Eddie with a pescado on Saturn! Now
it's all really broken down as everybody takes a turn out on the floor.
Saturn and Eddie back in the ring - back to the armbar/chinlock combo.
Shane shills WCW - this is the road back to number one, for sure. Chavo
springs off with a double clothesline for 2, Saturn breaking it up.
Saturn with an elbow to Chavo, another, off the ropes, doubel leapfrog,
Saturn with a crossbody springing off the ropes which Eddie ducks, but not
Chavo. 1, 2, Eddie breaks it with a dropkick to the head. Eddie to the
top rope - frog splash time? No, Chavo on him and now on the second rope
- but Saturn under HIM! Chavo with a superplex but on Saturn's shoulders
and he's lucky he didn't get paralyzed right there. Oh man. That's
FRIGHTENING to watch. Now, screw the wrestling as the rest of the
ANIMALS & TORRIE WILSON are out and having some
words for Shane. Drinks
are thrown and Douglas stands up - apparently the Animals are unhappy with
what Douglas has been saying about the Revolution. Kidman has a chair -
and holding it up for Saturn to fly into. The Animals rolls Saturn back
into the ring. Nobody's really moving so we can pay attention to Kidman,
Mysterio and Konnan staring down Douglas while he rants and raves on the
headset. Back in the ring - Chavo is on the second rope and Saturn is on
the apron - there's a suplex in from Chavo - meanwhile, Eddie is on the
top rope - frog splash on Saturn - 1, 2, 3. (8:44) Chavo with a WICKED
DDT on Eddie - cover - 1, 2, 3. (9:01) The Filthy Animals are
stomping away on Chavo, who rolls outside the ring. Everybody checks on
Hey, there's another "WCW Mayhem" ad. When that guy says "I'm such a loser!" I can't help but think "you're such a loser!"
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight where Sid and Goldberg collided. Later, Hall put a toothpick in Goldberg's puss and Nash brandished some Nyquil.
Goldberg works on his muscles.
Meanwhile, the Total Package works on HIS muscles. Who's swearing in the background?
HORACE (hogan) v. OO IS YOOR DADDEE GONE GET JIGGY TOO NITE THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC NORMAN SMILEY in a Hardcore match - because when you think Hardcore, you think BLACK MAGIC NORMAN SMILEY. Horace rushes him in the aisle to start it off. Repeated right hands, stomp, it's trashcan time. I like the "Please don't hit me" look from Smiley. Smiley pretty good at whimpering in pain. Clothesline from Horace. Horace stomping all over him. Horace outside to bring in the trash can. Smiley puts up the boots, but runs into a drop toehold into the can. Smiley screams like a woman. Horace clotheslines him to the outside. Smile screams again. STEEL chair to the back. And again. Smiley reverses a whip ino the STEEL steps. Smiley climbs the steps and before he can do the "doin' it in da butt and smackin' my bitch up" dance, Horace hits a Golota from behind. There's a throat across the barricade. STEEL steps dropped on Smiley, who screams again. There's the Greco-Roman drink to the head. Back in the ring somehow - Smiley crawling but not escaping. Stomp, stomp, standing on the chest. Horace with the chair - whack - Horace placing Smiley on the top - knife-edge chop (woooo!), again (woooo!), Horace on the second rope - superplex! Smiley screaming again. Cover - 1, 2, he kicks out?!? Heenan: "Norman, LAY DOWN." Horace goes outside and finds a table under the ring. Schiavone returns to laughing at the hardcore moves because he's an idiot.
Table placed in the corner. Lunging at Smiley with
the chair, Horace swings, misses, and conks HIMSELF when the chair bounces
off the top rope. Horace charges - but again Smiley sidesteps and Horace
puts himself through the table, breaking it in half! Norman looks around,
sees a prone Horace - covers - and there's the pin! (4:47) Smiley does a
celebratory dance, much to the crowd's delight.
Backstage, Ric Flair is .... WALKING!
And THE MAN has apparently finally found the way to the ring now. "Hey. You're right, pal, it's the oldest ride in the park but it's still got the longest line, punk. And just like - just like this town knows, my name tonight is Bobby Clark but they're callin' for Eric Lindross. You know what the difference is? Bobby Clark brought ya a Stanley Cup! Lindross is still lookin' for one! So, that's right. Hard to swallow, isn't it? That's reality. Now I'm over at the hotel, having a good time with Kimberly, and I come back to find out that Billy by God Phildelphia WOOOO Kidman, Konnan, Guerrero, and Mysterio, I find out you're trying to have your way with my kid - it pisses me off, you understand?" Jacket off. "We don't have to talk about anything but reality. Reality in this sport [fan sneaks out "You'reold!"] is synonymous with one name - it's Ric Flair - 27 years of being in this sport - that's right, woooo! Every time - woooo! That's me! That's reality! That's life! That's Ric Flair! Being the very best he can be each and every day - woooo - that he walks that aisle! My son is 20 years old - he doesn't need any favours, he doesn't need any help, he just needs to be left alone. And he'll make it - he'll make it on his own. He will not be Ric Flair's son, he'll be David Flair and he'll be damn good at what he does - now Kidman, you and the Filthy Animals, let me see - wow - the Filthy Animals - Konnan, Guerrero, Guerrero, I've wrestled your brothers completely out of their minds in every bar from Mexico to Phildelphia, they couldn't hang, you can't hang. You want to be like me? You want to walk that aisle? Woooo! You want to drive 'em crazy? Then tonight, forget about David Flair, come on down here, Kidman, bring that slicked back hair. Bring that white T-shirt. Come on down, boys, come on down right now. Show me. Show me. Show me. As a matter of fact, you wanna be me - come on down - wear these home" and the shoes are off. The FILTHY ANIMALS come out and quadrupleteam Flair. DAVID comes out - but 2 on 4 don't work much better than 1 on 4, you know? there's a broncobuster for Ric. Konnan undoes the shirt and pilfers his pockets. His watch and rings are removed. Kidman puts on the jacket. Torrie takes the shoes. Eddie puts Flair's socks on his hands, then rakes David's face with his socked hand. Everybody walks off with their ill-gotten gains - hey, did these guys just turn heel?
Backstage, Total Package knocks on the women's dressing room door for Elizabeth - when she fails to appear, he walks in - and finds her face down on the floor with a broken guitar left as a calling card.
One more "WCW Mayhem" ad - why not
COLD BEER v. THE NARCISSIST - Goldberg shaves a minute off his entrance for the new regime (2:27) and
Package doesn't even get an entrance
as he and Goldberg meet in the aisle - punches are traded with neither man
getting the advantage until Package meets the barricade. Let's bring up
the TV-PG-DLSV ratings box one more time. Crowd chants "cold beer" while
Package is driven into the STEEL steps. There's a knee. Package whipped
into the barricade. Referee "Blind" Mickey J. tries real hard to get 'em
in the ring but it ain't happening. Well, NOW it is. Package manages a
few big double sledge blows as Goldberg tries to get in the ring. Big
knees, big elbows, Goldberg shaking it off. Big vertical suplex - no
effect - he pops back up. There's a superkick. Clothesline. Right hand.
Off the ropes, reversed with a clothesline. Head to the buckle. Stomping
away. Crowd chanting. Knee to the chest. Front facelock into a slam.
Ready for the spear - the Total Package sidesteps it and Goldberg misses!
On him with big stomps. Big stand on the neck. Off the ropes, there's a
big clothesline. Big double sledge. Off the ropes, there's a big back
elbow. Big scoop - and a big slam. Big elbowdrop, 1, 2, no. Must not
have been the Ace toolbox elbow. Big stomp, big head to the buckle.
Again to another buckle. Big axehandle. Head to the buckle - Goldberg
pops up - time to Hulk up. Into the corner, Goldberg comes out with a
shoulderblock. Gutshot, off the ropes, Meltdown. Elbowing him - whip is
reversed, and again, and Goldberg is run into Mickey J. Goldberg knocks
down Package as we see the OUTSIDERS at the
entranceway, still swigging
cough syrup. If you're wondering where security is, you're too cynical
and you'll NEVER enjoy this damn show. Somehow Goldberg was taken outside
the ring, but we were busy watching Nash stagger. Package meets him
outside and the brawl continues. Goldberg's shoulder taken into the post.
Now (THIS IS)
is also out, wielding a baseball bat. I thought those
things were bad a couple weeks ago... Goldberg with an elbow, Sting with
a (sorta) mighty swing across the back. BRET CLARKE is also out,
along on one leg and taking it to Sting. Hart has the bat - but Sting
ducks and Hart breaks it across the ringpost. J. is FINALLY up but he
only sees Sting and Hart in the ring. Hart puts Sting in the
Sharpshooter! But Package is in and there's a shot for Hart. Hart's in
the big Torture Rack! But Goldberg is back in - spear coming up - Hart
AND Package go down but apparently this only hurts the Package. There's a
jackhammer - 1, 2, 3. (7:54)
Hey remember that time that Hart had
Goldberg spear him, but he was wearing a metal plate across his stomach,
and....oh, but they're friends now I guess as they congratulate each other
and Goldberg raises Hart's hand. Huh. We finish almost nine minutes
So what did we get? A bit more sex, a bit more swearing, a hell of a lot more walking, a hotshot tag team title change off the Harlem Heat by way of pushing the Filthy Animals, one good longish match and one Goldberg longish match - in the end....how different DID things end up? I guess the problem is while they CAN come back, they CAN'T do it in one night - no matter how much they try to get across that that's EXACTLY how we're supposed to be *perceiving* it.
No Hogan - is that part of the work?
See you....Friday in Oakland? Haven't heard yet. Worse comes to worse, I'll be back next week...