/1 November 1999
Money money money money money! SPLN 37 9/16 (+5 3/4) - TWX 69
1/4 (+8 3/8)
WCW logo - it's out WHERE?
The TV-14-DL logo greets Hart on crutches accosting the Outsiders. He's upset that they stuck their nose in his business last week - yet...even on crutches...he still manages to clutch onto the United States Heavyweight Championship title belt. "You slimeball! You piece of scum!" EDGY! Just like the close captioned symbol!
During the opening credits, we hear David Penzer counting down the crowd - oops
WE ARE LIVE 1.11.99, All Saints Day from the Taget Centre in Minneapolis, MN and ONLY on TNT!
BRET CLARKE rides his crutches to the ring. "I just wanna say something - first off, I didn't build my reputation by SCREWING people. I watched the replay - I watched the video footage of last week's match. It's pretty clear to me that Bill Goldberg got [screwed last] week. There's a lot of scum runnin' around in the back. Kevin Nash - Scott Hall - Sid - so I want you to listen up and listen loud and listen real clear - 'cause as far as I'm concerned, Bill Goldberg is the United States Heavyweight Champion...and I don't care what you think. 'Cause I don't want to win a title like that - that belt belongs to Bill Goldberg." The music of SID VISCOUS fires up and a voice rings you. "You say Bill Goldberg? That belt does not belong to Bill Goldberg. See, that belt belongs to me, Bret Hart. That belt belongs to me. See, what you don't know is - at Halloween Havoc, the referee stopped the match at his discretion - big word - his 'discretion.' Bret, you know me, just a little bit, do you think for a second that little boy is gonna make me quit? No. See, Bill Goldberg, I heard him say it - he said "I quit" and I have proof of that - and later on, I will show the entire world that Bill Goldberg QUIT. But that'll come a little later, Bret - see I want something that belongs to me...and that's my belt...and I want it back." "[Screw you] Sid." "No...oh yeah? Screw me? You say scre me? I say [screw you - something else muted]" and he clotheslines him. Vicious stomping away on Hart. Here come the OUTSIDERS as Vicious puts Hart into position for the powerbomb...but he lets up. Hall and Nash in the ring - and Nash presents the belt to Vicious - and Hall raises his arm. All three men stand over Hall - Vicious' music plays again and he walks off. The Outsiders nudge Bret with their feet...and we fade to
Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE & BOBBY HEENAN. Tonight' the bottom half of the 32-man tournament - also, a STEEL cage hangs ominously above the ring. Tony says "What's it all about?" to open the second week in a row. Let's go to the graphic!
To recap last week, moving on in Group one, we have Hart, Saturn, Smiley and Kimdan. Group 2 sees the Total Package, Page, Meng, and Sting advance. Tonight in Group 3, Benoit vs. Malenko! Madusa vs. Karagias! (Why?) Hall vs. Vicious! And the Cat takes on Lash LeRoux! Moving to Group 4, Buff Bagwell takes on Stevie Ray, Vampiro clashes with Berlyn, Disco Inferno draws Curt Hennig, and Booker T. takes on Jeff Jarrett!
Backstage, Shane Douglas, Asya and Dean Malenko are wondering where Saturn is - there he is, driving up on his chopper. Torrie, who was hanging on the back, tries to run off - Asya picks her up and shows us her ass. Shane says some stuff so heavily reverberated that we don't hear any of it - except for one word...and that word is "kinky." Well, that explains her rubber pants...
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, WCW Tough Talkin' Wrestlers ("They're Really Talking To Each Other!"), Hi-Ener-G, America (ha!) Online, JollyTime Blast'o'Butter popcorn, and Toaster Breaks Pizza from Hot Pockets!
Close captioning where available sponsored by Toy Biz Nitro Arena! Lower Sting from the rafters!
Let Us Take You Back to Last Monday where Randy Savage promised to pass the torch - but
failed to tell us who exactly was the recipient...
(el) VAMPIRO (canadiense) v. BYRLYN (mit sein bodyguard und kein color) in a first round matchup (Group 4) - Vampiro gets a two second entrance, but Beryln gets hys full entrance. Life can be so cruel sometimes. Berlyn's entrance reminds me of Goldust's, what with the weird lighting treatment and all. Did Vampiro just tell Berlyn that he owed him? Vampiro encourages the "USA" chant despite being from Canada. Lockup, to a hammerlock, takeover by Berlyn, headscissors by Vampiro, everybody back up. Schiavone said it was a Titan motorcyle - hmmm. Vampiro with the arm drag into the headlock, head scyssyrs from Berlyn, Vampiro puts his foot on the bottom rope - clean break is really short as Berlyn fires away with kycks - there's a belly-to-back suplex, and a stomp. Europeyn uppyrcut, ryght hand, ynto the ropes, reversed, duck, back kick from Vampiro, but he runs into a powyrslam. Berlyn drops the ylbow three times. Cover - but we look to the aisle where the MISFITS are making their debut. Tony actually ID's them and I'm shocked! Berlyn with a neyr fall. Spynnyng heel kyck off the ropes. Stompyng on the face. Knyfe-edge chop - ynto the opposyte cornyr, Vampiro throws up an elbow. First kick is ducked but not the second. Knife-edge chop. Off the ropes, head down, Berlyn with the ylbow. Berlyn staying on him - off the ropes, there's a clotheslyne. Off the ropes again, but reversed, leapfrog, Berlyn runs headlong into ryfyryy "Blind" Johnny Boone. Vampiro hits a big kick, but the bodyguard is in and using the (loaded?) glove on Vampiro. There's a kick. Coming off the rope, but the Misfits hold the top rope, causing the spill. Vampiro outside with a chair - whack! Back to the top rope - but Berlyn has come to and there's a dropkyck as he comes off the rope. Berlyn hits the hygh knee off the ropes. In position for a ...well, the Misfits pull the feet, tripping up Berlyn - and then hold him down. Boone misses ALL this and counts 3. Vampiro moves on. (Call 4:11) Vampiro and the Misfits walk off...to ICP. Berlyn gets THE STICK! "Shut up! From here on out - no more screw Berlyn! >From now on, [screw] USA!"
Backstage, Hall and Nash discuss strategy. Nash says they won't let him act as his manager tonight, but what about acting as his promoter? Hall gives Nash some eye drops and tells him he's baked. This coming from the guy in the "Booze Tang" T-shirt.
Meanwhile, we see the Revolution has holed up Torrie Wilson in a cage. See, 'cause she likes Filthy Animals, so they're going to TREAT her like one. Got it? Get It?
THUNDER! ad fails to feature the Maestro - and also rewrites history as ANOTHER Sid DQ loss mysteriously turned into a win
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily! LUBE UP!
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week, where Asya manhandled (er) Torrie on behalf of the Revolution, providing us with several shots of her ass. Also, Chris Benoit had great fun with Dean Malenko, both in the back with the sneak attack, and also during the Last Man Standing match. Then they have the chutzpah to show us the DQ loss for Sid from THUNDER! and ignore the Sid loss - they're showing us that to further illustrate the recent history between Malenko and Benoit. OK!
SHANE DOUGLAS, PERRY SATURN & DEAN MALENKO come out. Douglas quotes the Beatles and no one notices.
Turning to the Filthy Animals, Douglas
says that when the Animals take the knives out of their tires and make it
to the arena, they'll find that they have made an offer that they can't
refuse. Saturn tells Eddie Guerrero that since Torrie's locked up in a
shark cage, why not have a pole match for the key to Torrie's cage? Either
Torrie's set free - or scaled. Malenko tells Chris Benoit that he's got
his friendship right here...then he calls him something that gets muted.
Tonight, he'll get crippled...oops, someone said "crippled" so cue the
music and bring out CHRIS
"Well, if it isn't Mr. Dean Malenko and
Associates. I believe you still call yourselves the Revolution...it
appears that you've all developed somewhat of a...cage fetish...while you
have Torrie locked up in a shark cage, tonight, if you will look above
yourselves - YOU, Mr. Malenko will be locked up in a cage with the
Wolverine! And just as I extended my hand in friendship to you, tonight,
you will feel the wrath of what Silent but Violent is all about!" Malenko
does a rather hideous amount of overacting. Hey, good thing Benoit
call himself Silent But Deadly!
Backstage, Nash gives some instructions to a makeup artist...who's shaking like a leaf..calm down, buddy, it's only a few million viewers! Nash has his back to us so we can't see what's up...but I bet if we only stay tuned, we'll be rewarded!
Last week's Match of the Week was Norman Smiley vs. Bam Bam Bigelow - and Smiley was the winner. And so, too, was Kyle Hudgins of Tuscaloosa, AL! He gets to hit the Astrodome 27 December for WCW New Year's Evil - thanks to the kind sponsorship of WCW Mayhem!
OH BOY! POKEMON MOVIE COMING SOON!!!!!!
Local ad hypes WWF appearance at the San Jose Arena Friday, 26 November - crazy, man...
The Filthy Animals finally arrive. A hapless security guard challenges them, so they beat him up - then mug him.
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Diamond Dallas Page put the Diamond Cutter on David Flair - wait, that was Havoc. Okay, HERE - the first round match saw David Flair take the crowbar to Page. Apparently, this match ended in a DQ with Page advancing. Of course, he advanced all the way to the ambulance. The end result: Page can't continue in the tournament.
MIKE TENAY is backstage with KIMBERLY and the NITRO GRRLS. Page suffered a lot of injuries and we don't know WHEN he'll be back. Kimberly turns to the Girls and tells them it's time she left the group...then she walks off.
Here's a look at Group 4 because coming up is a Group 3 match - huh?
MATCH OF THE WEEK: THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION AND THE GODFATHER OF SOUL CAT (with six - no, three ho's) v. LASH LeROUX in a first round tourney match (Group 3) - so if he could trade in Sonny Onoo for three of the Godfather's finest ho's, MY only question is how did he manage to wait this long to do it? I was kinda hoping he'd give those beads to the women, but no. You can't really trade blows with the Cat. He's wearing the red slippers from the get go now - I guess they aren't loaded since the ref lets it go. Sunset flip - no, crotch chops from the Cat and there's a karate blow. Breakdancin' elbow. LeRoux tries a punch and has no effect. Whip, reversal, Cat goes down hard holding the knee - LeRoux goes for a deathlock and Cat taps. Huh? (:56) LeRoux points to his sideburns. Go enter at wcw.com!
Backstage, Tenay's caught up with Hart. The Outsiders and Sid are the lowest scum of the earth! Sid's a big stupid dummy. THEN HART GETS MEAN!
the Nitro Grrls promise to stick together - of course,
Jazz thinks that Spice is pulling a power play and walks off. Of course,
such a heated dispute can ONLY be settled...AT MY APARTMENT!
He may be a heel, but you can still buy his jersey! Only sixty clams! Rey Rey needs the money!
Speaking of which, the Filthy Animals are filming the Total Package and Elizabeth - only problem is the sound and picture are out of sync. Also we see some behind the scenes stuff as they forget to cut after they say cut. Also, Liz breaks up. The story, anyway, is that after the Package gets his bye (no Page), he'll either face Meng...or Sting.
Our dynamic duo tells us that Scott Steiner went under the knife for back surgery a while back. This leads to
Let Us Take A Special Video Look at Scott Steiner - or rather, a lot of words
LARRY ZBYSZKO is on location with SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER. About a year and a half ago, he had a back injury - he came back from it, but earlier this year he had three screws put in his shoulder - the brace caused him to lean to the left, and it reaggravated the ruptured discs. As a result, he's been in a lot of pain. He tried every other option, but the pain kept coming back, so he opted for the surgery. For the next 21 days, he won't be doing too much, eight to ten weeks of therapy following, and hopefully the docs will have good news following THAT. He can't promise that he's coming back.
Hey look! It's the last six NITRO GRRLS! Oops, Jazz just slugged Spice. Oops, Spice just rushed Jazz - well now they're all out of it. No tops are removed.
Mike Tenay is backstage with Buff Bagwell - the Powers That Be have another surprise - what's his reaction? Buff gives an interview that he probably wishes were on tape so he could redo it.
WCW Grudge Match! Who's that Raven guy?
We get a shot of Nash's back. He's talking on a cel. "What? Burn the bridge? Hell, I'm blowin' it up - ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!"
1-800-COLLECT brings you the replay of the previous Nitro Grrl Experience.
The TV-14-DL takes us backstage with the Nitro Grrls - Jazz takes another swing and Spice retaliates. Strangely enough, RAW is starting pretty soon...
BUFF IS THE STUFF v. STEVIE RAY (with a mic) in a first round tourney match (Group 4) -
Stevie Ray tells us that he
brings a message from the
Powers that Be - nothing personal, but tonight's match is a strap match.
Ray attacks from behind and kicks and punches away. Heenan and Schiavone
have a pretty good idea who Nash is masquerading as. Please, stay tuned,
won't you? Bagwell's had ZERO offense in this match. Choking with the
strap again. Right hand. Bagwell finally gets some offense - hitting the
backdrop over the top rope to the outside. As he chokes on Ray, here come
THOSE 2 DUDES
who go for Bagwell (DQ
2:49) and miss. Nonetheless, Bagwell
is your winner by DQ. BOOKA
T. is out to collect his brother.|
Mike Tenay is backstage with Jeff Jarrett - he didn't hit Elizabeth with the guitar already. Tonight he's going to get his public apology. He's got the market cornered on booking, and if he doesn't get his apology, he's gonna use his stroke.
The "Theme From Wolfpack" welcomes...TED DANSON? Well, apparently this is supposed to be obvious, but bugger if *I* can figure out who it is. Jay Leno? "Thank You, Minneapolis, for your warm and kind hospitality. Now even though I'm a promoter - and might I add, the most powerful man in sports entertainment today [okay, so he's Vince?] - you can rest assure that everything I do, I do for you - the fans. Yes, it's true - and I'm a very knowledgable man - that's why they call me... singlehandedly I built this sports entertainment. What's that? Don't call me that. I'm not that. You people are that." Apparently he's trying to start an "asshole" chant - either it's not working, or it's working so well the censors are turning it down. Heck if I know. He looks JUST like that one guy from Mad TV, actually. Hell, *Rob Bartlett* did a HELL of a lot better Vince, and he didn't even use makeup! "Unlike Billionaire Ted, I didn't buy my way to the top - no, I borrowed money. That's right, I borrowed money and I stepped on everybody on my way to the top. Now of course, because of a little stock option, I myself am now a billionaire, ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha...but I singlehandedly put everyone out of business 'til I was the only show in town. I own this dome. However, if you ask me straight up - I categorically will deny the accusations that I've got anything going on. What's that?" He bobs his head about. "As I said before - I'm not that, you people are. Ha ha ha ha ha... Go to the next card, kid. In any event, nonetheless I stand before you tonight in this ring with a guarantee - there's that word again, 'guarantee.' Tonight, I start, I pra-lala, I proudly stand behind the next WCW World Champion, not only is he my cash cow, not only can I continue to push him as a babyface until the fans regurgitate him - he's also the rougest SOB in WCW and not only that, someday he WILL work in the Main Event against Jeff Jarrett - he's clean, he's sober, and he has more than one catchphrase - give it up for the Trrrrrrouser Snake...SCOTT HALL!" Good God almighty, even *I* can do a better Vince McMahon impersonation. And what's the point? This impersonation is already dated, isn't it? When was the last time VINCE did this Vince on a show? So is this hip and fresh - or old and dated? And poorly executed? And a bad idea? And why'd I transcribe it for posterity? "Hey yo. If you think I'm gonna follow this act, think again 'cause the Party Police here at WCW told me one more strike and I'm outta here, so I ain't burning no bridge up north, I don't know about you, big man. But SINCE you look so much like 'im, there's something that I gotta know, boss - it's been eating away at me for three long years and I'm begging ya to shoot with me here - who picks out your clothes, man? Do you shop at [no idea] - you call that style? See I think you gotta stop by that little boutique that's uh, that's right ... right down there?" "Down where, pally?" "Ahhh, I'll tell ya top of the next hour. But to all the boys in New York, we gotcha Attitude right - HERE!" And there's the crotch chop. Quick, take an ad break!
So they BOTH suck these days, don't they? I wonder what ECW is doing this week...
Backstage, Package and Luger catch up with themonsterMeng. Package
feeds him a line of bull about Jeff Jarrett - and a banana. I'm not sure
what the significance is...?
Meanwhile, Tenay stands with Curt Hennig - will tonight be his last bout? Hennig says that the Powers to Be might be trying to run him out of the business, but not by throwing Disco Inferno in front of him. This should be no problem as a stepping stone on his way to the WCW championship.
DISCO INFERNO v. CURT HENNIG in a non-title first round tourney matchup (Group 4) - Hey! LARRY HENNIG in the front row! Disco Inferno goes to shake his hand - and gets dissed. Then Curt attacks him from behind. Back in the ring, back and forth we go, nice dropkick from Hennig for 2. Kneelift takes Disco to the outside. Knife-edge chop from Hennig. Disco manages some punches, but Larry pulls him back and holds him for his son. There's a chop and a forearm. "Larry" chant is about ten thousand times louder than a Zbyszko chant, thank you very much. BIG RIGHT HAND FROM THE AXE! Back into the ring we go, Hennig with knife-edge chops. Into the corner, Disco gets a boot up - there's a swinging neck breaker. Snapmare - second rope axehandle. Off the ropes, Hennig with a kick. Vertical suplex attempt - but Disco holds the top rope. Here's SOME GUY walking down the aisle, decked out in disco attire. Hennig misses a charge - Disco has him for the Last Dance - but lets go and goes outside the ring to meet up with...he's a collection guy, I guess. Referee "Blind" Mickey J. counts to 10 and Hennig moves on. (COR 3:30) If you ask me, that guy looks kinda like C.G. Afi - maybe they repackaged him with no Lodi around any longer for him to be a biggest fan of?
Tenay is with the Filthy Animals...tonight, there'll be no problems with the Revolution. Torrie will come back home tonight. Kidman & Konnan aren't gonna hide behind the bookers - they'll issue the open challenge to anybody in the building.
Meanwhile, Norman Smiley is modeling his new catcher's breastplate and face mask. Must be a hardcore match coming up.
Man, a two minute ad ... for cars.
Local spot is given to KBHK for a SmackDown! ad
Promotional consideration paid for by WCW Electronic Thumb Wrestling, Judge Wapner's house of cash, Hot Pockets from Hot Pockets, the City of Lost Wages, and Mag-Lite (product of Ontario)!
Backstage, Hall finds Nash talking to himself in the mirror - "what are you doing?" "I'm gettin' into character?" Then he turns to the camera, winks, and says "Get It? HAhahahaha."
BARBARIAN (with James Hart) v. THEMONSTERMENG v. THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC NORMAN SMILEY in a Hardcore Three-Way Dance - Let Us Take You Back to Last Week and show you how Meng won his match against Madusa. Tonight, Madusa gets a second chance because...well, let me get back to you on that. Smiley has shing guards on as well. Meng goes for Barbarian at the start - Smiley content to hang back and watch.
Smiley attempts a
clothesline - no effect on Themonstermeng. Trashcan? No, his head is too
hard! Big boot from Barbarian on Smiley. Barbarian goes back to his
former partner (Barbarian still wearing "Faces of Fear" tights, God bless
him) Smiley with a sissy chair shot on Barbarian, Themonstermeng knocks
him down with a chair. Garbage can to the chest - and to the back.
Barbarian with a mop to Meng. Trashcans all around. Meng with
THEMONSTERMOP! Trashcan to the back of Meng's head from Barbarian - no
effect. Now trading headbutts - neither man really hurt. Norman with a
sissy garbage can lid shot. Meng shows the proper way to swing a lid.
Smiley looks to be bleeding from the back. Smiley taken to a chair -
Barbarian to a garbage can. Atomic drop from Meng onto Smiley, still
screaming like a woman. Barbarian with an atomic drop on Meng - head to a
trashcan. Smiley hanging back - another weak garbage can lid shot. Chop
to Smiley. Elbow. Meng whipped into the ropes, dropkick. Another wussy
shot from Siley, chop, off the ropes, back elbow takes Smiley to the apron.
Meng removes the catchers' mask and takes his head to the buckle. Smiley
falls to the outside, and Hart kicks away. Chest plate removed. Smiley
comes to and realises "hey, maybe I can take THIS guy" and goes after Hart.
Barbarian heads him off at the pass, however, and puts him back in the
ring. Knife-edge chops alternating from the Faces of Fear. Double chop!
Now they take turns stomping. Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman calls for
the EMT's to pick up Smiley. He's loaded on the gurney and rolled off -
except - as Smiley looks up at the video wall, he sees both men collide in
the centre of the ring - suddenly he springs to life and, after confirming
that Barbarian is not moving by prodding him with his boot - he covers - 1,
2, 3. (6:31)
Heenan actually manages to almost get across the story!
Smiley climbs on the commentary table and performs the "doin' it in da butt
and smackin' my bitch up" dance - quick, let's cut to
Jeff Jarrett, backstage, is WALKING! And looking for his public apology...
Hey, you know, Norman Smiley is kinda like the Big Shot Hardcore Holly. When you think about it...
Hacksaw Jim Duggan is backstage, flanked by Those 2 Dudes. He thanks the unseen person for the opportunity. The twins snicker behind his back as Duggan talks about his past year's trials and tribulations. He thinks he can do more in the next few years than in the past twenty. When he says "By God," God gets muted out. The voice of Vince Russo, offstage, tell us it's all about ratings, acts like a dick and ends with "Next." But Vince Russo would NEVER book himself into an on-camera role. No sirree. Nope.
Meanwhile, Nash and Hall chat. The following speech doesn't work because the word "screwed" keeps getting muted. "If Sid gets [screwed] tonight, it won't be because *I* [screwed] Sid, it'll be because Sid screwed Sid - ha ha ha! - Get It?" Nash has now said "Get It?" more times than Vince has - think about THAT.
Meanwhile, the Total Package checks on theMonsterMeng, and reminds him that Jeff Jarrett has an interview coming up that he just MAY want to check into.
Here's JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET come out to the ring. "Hey Luger! I got your Total Package right here! Finally it is time for you to come out here and publicly apologise to me like a man. I didn't lay a finger on Liz, and I don't appreciate being accused of anything. This is NOT the WWF and we do NOT abuse women around here!" Can I even BEGIN to get into what's wrong with that? Should I even BOTHER? You know, a lot of OTHER people seem to think that this IS the WWF - at least on this night. Here's THE NARCISSIST and LIZ - "You know, Jeff Jarrett - as hard as it is - and you know me very well - to ever apologise - you're right, I don't actually know that you hit Liz with the guitar - I'm out here, as hard as it is for me to say - I'm sorry. And you know what - I have to admit, I have heard some rumours in the back that it could have been somebody else--" "You're damn right! 'Cause I told you before, I'm the one with all the stroke around here - I am THE chosen one, and I do not get physical with women anymore." "And I - before you interrupted me, I was gonna say, I'm on your side in this, Jeff - I did hear the rumour that it could have been Meng or somebody like that." "Meng? You gotta be kidding me. That jive ape? It took him a day and a half to take down Madusa - and what is she, fifty? At least! If *I* was in the ring with Madusa, I'd take her down so quick--" but THEMONSTERMENG is out - and Jarrett is quickly
out of the ring.
Did he call him "Slap nuts?" I don't even know what that means! Now, "big
wuss" I understand. Anyway, Liz walks into the ring and Package follows.
"Finally! A real man who knows how to come to the aid of a woman. You
know, Package, you could probably learn a lesson from this." Then she
maces him. Luger produces a tire arn and wraps it around theMonsterMeng.
So...he's guaranteeing a matchup with Sting? Were we really worried that
WASN'T gonna happen?
Meanwhile, the Filthy Animals are doing a lot of WALKING!
Meanwhile, the Revolution are also WALKING!
Meanwhile, Hall and the Promoter are trying to knock on Sid's door - but getting no response.
Here's a major WCW Onsale announcement! Friday tix on sale for San Angelo, Belton, Midland, Salina, Cedar Rapids, Chicago, and Milwaukee for Nitro!
When we come back, we hear the countdown - the Package has caught up to the unmadeup Sting and says that they should accept the open challenge for the world tag team titles. Sting says that this has nothing to do with the World Heavyweight title, so he's not interested. Package keeps talking and talking and finally convinces Sting to join him. Now, never mind that they already HAVE won the titles together - never mind that Sting is the last man in Group 2 - this is the story and we're sticking to it. Okay.
EDDIE GUERRERO (with Konnan & Kidman & Raymond Stereo) v. PERRY SATURN (driving a forklift with Torrie Wilson in a shark cage, with Shane Douglas & Dean Malenko & Asya) - At this point I should say something about cleavage - but whatever I was going to say has completely escaped me. The cage is driven all the way to the apron and deposited there. Referee "Blind" Johnny Boone attempting to restore order here - I bet we can stall this out to the top of the hour if we try real hard. Nope, Guerrero takes it right to Saturn as he enters the ring - tossed through the ropes and he follows. Into the barricade. Back in the ring - Guerrero climbs the pole (why'd you bother bringing Saturn in?) but Saturn is up - moon shot barely averted as Guerrero falls to the mat. Saturn on him - nice suplex. Saturn kicks the cage for fun. Guerrero taken off the ropes, duck, gutshot, springboard into a tornado-alike DDT. Guerrero up - but just as he touches the key, Douglas climbs to the apron and takes his feet out from under him - then pushes him off the top rope to the floor, and onto Kidman. The Filthy Animals regroup at ringside - and I'm left wondering why Saturn hasn't tried climbing the pole. Ah..he is. Guerrero up to meet him - now both men on the top turnbuckle - SUPERPLEX!! Saturn hit it but both men are down. Crowd managing an "Eddie" chant but there's a piledriver from Saturn. Eddie is OUT. Saturn eyes the pole - walks over - but looks back at Guerrero. Headbutt. To the corner, right hands,
the ropes, and he follows? Guerrero run into the shark cage hard. Saturn
ready to go for the key - no, he's back down to the apron - to the floor.
Saturn asking Boone to move the rest of the Animals, and while he's
distracted...Saturn has Guerrero in a front facelock, but Guerrero backs
him up into the cage - where Torrie has a rope to choke Saturn! Eddie
climbing the pole - Dean Malenko to the apron - but he's pulled to the
floor! Guerrero can't quite reach the key - the pole is apparently
greased. Kidman & Rey are both up - but Guerrero calls them off - Guerrero
leaps - and comes down with the key! (5:33) Shane makes the
DRAT motions while Boone frees Wilson. Big hug for Guerrero - there's one
for Kidman. She's quite a slut, that one.
Backstage, Sid, Hall and the Promoter have a backstage moment. I can't be bothered to transcribe. Suffice to say that Sid actually thinks Nash IS McMahon for a moment there. Mirth and hilarity can't HELP but ensue. Apparently.
Goldberg gambles! Well, it's not really gambling. See cnnsi.com to get what I'm talking about
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Sting was stripped of the title and a 32-man title tournament was announced. Sting took this news...well. Later that night, he demolished Brian Knobbs with a bent bat.
Mike Tenay is backstage with the Package and Elizabeth - AND the TV-14-DL ratings box! Tenay mentions that down the road for Package is Meng or Sting - Package says this won't be a Gray/Rose remake and he's outta here.
KIDMAN & KONNAN (with Torrie's Breasts) v. (THIS IS) STING & THE NARCISSIST (with Liz) for the WCW Tag Team Championship - Konnan doesn't get mic time - so I guess short entrances aren't ALL bad. Sting and Package get separate entrances - Package unhappy that he's not getting his spotlights. While Package tries to pose, the Animals jump Sting - but Sting fights them both off. Package looks perplexed. He's still looking for his spotlights! Everybody huddles up. Now about a minute later, Kidman and Package are in the ring. Kidman making mock poses. Package mocking him back. PEC FLEX!! Lockup, no Kidman ducks it - dropkick! Off the ropes, reversal, up and over, leapfrog - but Package clutches his knee. Kidman drives him to his partner - there's a tag to Sting. Yup. Package falls to the floor as Konnan and Stp - Sting kicks away. Into the corner, Stinger splash! Kidman in - there's a shot for him and a Stinger splash!
taken to the opposite corner - Stinger splash! RAYMOND STEREO & EDDIE
GUERRERO are out. (DQ 2:46) Well, that was
rather an uninteresting way of
developing an interesting storyline. Four on one - well you know the four
are gonna get the best of the situation. They even use the bat on Sting.
The Animals take off as Package manages to limp into the ring and stand
over Sting. Sting gets up - and shoves Package.
Backstage, Hall and Vicious discuss strategy - Vicious will use the finger-poke and Hall will go down. Nash...eh. Nash does something.
The final two rounds of this tournament, by the way, will take place at WCW Mayhem! 21 November! ONLY ON PAY PER VIEW!
Don't forget to take your UNICEF box to your Coinstar machine!
Rey Mysterio jersey ad #2
Backstage, Sting is rather unhappy ... and looking for the Animals. Oh no, not the SURGE COOLER!!
BOOKA T. v. JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET in a first round tourney match (Group 4) - Jarrett attacks from behind in the aisle with his gee-tar. Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson tries to get the match into the ring, but Jarrett would rather drop T. on the barricade. Robinson confiscates the guitar and gives T. just enough time to mount a comeback. Onto the barricade - and again. Now OVER the barricade into the front row. Back over on the floor. In the ring now, no opening bell here? Jarret stomps away to regain the momentum, but quickly falls to the big kick. Off the ropes, duck, flying jalapeno from T. for 2. Jarrett pushes T through the ropes and follows out. Head to the STEEL steps. Into the barricade. THOSE 2 DUDES appear at the top of the ramp - are they called "Creative Control?" Jarrett taking T. to the barricade and now back in the ring. Jarrett with a top-rope plancha - T. rolls it over - and gets 2! Clothesline from Jarrett for 2. Off the ropes, sleeper! Booker T. powers him off and puts on a sleeper of his own - off the ropes - T. with a uranage. Kick, kick, axe kick, breakdance. Harlem side kick! Now they're up on the apron - T. takes each man down with one blow but runs into a kabong. Robinson somehow missed it completely, and counts 3 for Jarrett. Let's put in a phantom opening bell when they entered the ring and call it (2:38). I wish Booker T. had made it a HELL of a lot farther...the Muscle put the boots to T. as we fade to
Here's a Preview of a Goldberg interview you'll see soon
Subscribe to WCW Magazine! C'mon! THEY'D subscribe to YOUR magazine!
From the set of the upcoming WCW/Warner Brothers movie "Slam," Mike Tenay sits down with Goldberg. "Pissed off" is muted. He'll be gunning for Sid Vicious.
And then maybe for the Outsiders, too.
Looks like the Grrls have chosen sides as Fyre and Tygress have joined Jazz while Chae and Storm are sticking with Spice. Before a catfight can break out, the Promoter tells them to save it...for Pay-per-view. Get It? Ha ha ha! By the way, the last time we heard "Get It?" from the WWF was...February. Not exactly "cutting edge" fresh, you know?
Mike Tenay is backstage with Evan Karagias. He thinks she's hot, but can't figure out what exactly it is - maybe her GIANT BREASTS. Anyway, he says that hopefully when it's all over, they can be friends.
Diamond Dallas Page T-shirt ad. I wish Page would forget that lame-ass attempt at a catchphrase, myself...
Mike Tenay is with Madusa, who's all dolled up. She says the Powers that Be seem to be getting their rocks off booking her against men. But tonight, she's going to take advantage of her opportunity. No doubt it involves removing her top.
MADUSA v. OUTRAGEOUS EVAN KARAGIAS (no entrance) in a first round tourney matchup (Group 3) - Madusa grabs Evan's ass, takes off her shoes, playfully removes his hat, rubs him down, gives him the come hither motion - then puts him in a side headlock. Evan gets out of it, but turns his counter into a caress. Yes, friends, the final half hour is the "sexual harrassment" half hour here on WCW Monday Nitro. Featuring Bob Ryder as "the Righteous Squirrel." Now Madusa is lying down in the ring - Karagias covers - but he can't. He picks her up by the chin...and they go back to the ropes - off the ropes as if they were waltzing - super slo-mo Thesz press, sealed with a kiss. Pin for Deuce. That's Sports Entertainment! (2:11)
Backstage, Dean Malenko says something to Douglas, Malenko and Asya - but thanks to bad sound, we don't hear it. I believe it's something like "stay back - this is personal and I don't want help." Then away he is WALKING!
Meanwhile, Chris Benoit is WALKING!
And here's David Flair WALKING into the building! And talking to a crowbar like he was Bob Backlund!
Local spot hypes the KBHK presentation of SmackDown!
CHRIS BENOIT v. DEAN MALENKO (no entrance) within the confines of the STEEL cage in a first round tourney match (Group 3) - UK readers, be sure to check out Nitro on TNT and Worldwide on Channel 5 for news of appearance by Hall & Nash! Feel free to KEEP them, too! Malenko attacks Benoit as he enters the cage and stays on him even before the cage can be locked. Third man is Nick Patrick. Malenko still on top of things. Into the ropes, Benoit off with a kick. Powerbomb is amplified by the fact that at the apex, Malenko's head runs into the cage wall. 1, 2, no. Benoit with the knife-edge chop, and again. Eyepoke from Malenko. Malenko tries to climb the wall, but Benoit crotches him on the top rope - dropkick to Malenko. Right takes him to the mat. Knife-edge chop. Right. Malenko begs off but Benoit kicks and stomps away. Into the ropes,
Malenko holds on
and the dropkick finds nothing. Malenko catapults Benoit into the cage.
Malenko to the head - off the ropes, run into the cage, another battering
ram. Piledriver attempt is countered into a piledriver from abenoit.
Patrick puts on the count - at 3, Benoit is up. Will he do another
headbutt from the top of the cage? Malenko is up -and on the top
turnbuckle as Benoit is on the cage - SUPERPLEX! PERRY SATURN is up now -
scaling the cage - he's got a chain for Malenko but Benoit pushes Malenko
into the cage wall, taking Saturn down and securing the chain for himself!
Off the ropes, chained fist! Benoit to the top of the cage - HERE IT IS!!
FLYING HEADBUTT!!! 1, 2, 3! (4:29) But it isn't over -
Saturn from the top with an elbowdrop (missed by the camerman - ugh) -
and ASYA are
out. Whip into the cast of Douglass. Asya got him by the hair for a high
knee from Douglas. Chokehold by Asya. Douglas and Saturn handcuff Benoit
to the cage and top rope - Malenk joining the beatdown now - Patrick
shoved aside. Now RAYMOND
STEREO is out. Here's the rest of the FILTHY ANIMALS. Asya manages
to level Mysterio - Saturn takes the rest of them down. The tide is
turned, but before Rey can hit a broncobuster on Asya, here's DAVID SAMMARTINO - ERR,
FLAIR with the crowbar on Mysterio. There's a shot
for Guerrero. Big-time shots for Kidman now. He's got the rage in his
eyes. Will he take out Benoit? No, he picks up the key and frees Benoit.
Meanwhile, we look back at the aisle where Konnan's escaped - but
(THIS IS) STING
strikes from behind and reclaims his bat. Hmmm...
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - looks like we missed Asya ripping the chain off the cage. There's the headbutt. There's Flair taking apart the Animals (except for Konnan).
Garage shot sees David Flair making his escape - but for the car that just ran him down. The driver walks out - it's *Kimberly*. She takes the crowbar - nudges Flair with her boot - drops the crowbar at his side - and drives off...
Meanwhile, Scott Hall is calling for help - it appears that Nash is down...
SID VISCOUS v. SCOTT HALL in a first round tourney match (Group 3) - Vicious wears the US title around his waist. Hall comes out a mite peeved. Sid pokes the finger - and Hall falls like a stack of bricks. Vicious covers - Hall with the small package for - 2! Right, right, right, Hall with the arm wringer, but Sid floors him with a lariat. Elbow to the small of the back. Again. Forearms across the chest. Boots to the body. Stomping away with the help of the ropes. Sid with the scoop - and a backbreaker. Vicious putting on the badmouth. Now calling to the crowd. Kick, kick, kick, crowd chants "Cold beer" for fun. Choke of Hall on the second rope. Repeat. So is the movie named "Ready to Rumble" or "Slam?" And does it matter? Running boot from Vicious. There's another one. Who laid out Nash? Did they drive the Hummer, or raise the briefcase? Apparently, Hall said it was Bret Hart, but I didn't hear it - maybe somebody told Schiavone that Hall said it. Hall with a right, another,
Vicious with a rake of the face. Staying on him with deliberate
blows. There's a MILLION DOLLAR DREAM! Hall reaches for the ropes - and
fails. Sid to the face again. Off the ropes, duck, right, right, discus
right but Vicious puts him in a choke. Hall manages to tag referee "Blind"
Johnny Boone while flailing about. Here's the chokeslam from Vicious.
Before he can finish off Hall - BRET
CLARKE hobbles out and breaks a crutch
on Vicious' back. Turning to Hall - but he misses with a big WHACK -
splintering the crutch into pieces on the turnbuckle. Hart goes outside -
Hall sneaks in and covers Vicious - 1, 2, 3 (4:53) - man, Sid's got a
losing streak going there. Hall *takes the US title* and walks out. And
now WE'RE out. See you...next week!