/27 December 1999
Well, I got quite a haul this Christmas - my parents decided to go the
wrestling route this year - I picked up an Undertaker yo-yo and WWF
Undertaker electronic game - I'm thinking my mom must be sweet on the
Undertaker or something. My parents also dropped the WWF Trivia Game
(Version 2) on me - which was great, since Version 1 is already too out
there (like I can remember September, 1995 "In Your House" results) They
ALSO dug up some WCW not-beanie-babies-but-shockingly-similar - I got
Goldberg, Sting, and Hollywood Hogan. I'm not sure I'd give either fed the
edge on bears - Kim sent me the Al Snow (and Head) and Mankind bears
earlier this month, so now I seem to have probably more bears than a single
heterosexual guy should probably have in his apartment - fortunately, I'm
pretty secure in my sexual identity (which is to say, I don't have much of
one - hee hee - sigh). Also, Craig found several WCW colouring and sticker
books - scans of which will probably be entertaining both you and me for
weeks to come.
PICTURE OF THE WEEK: The coup de grace, however, was a signed photo of Spice that Joe picked up for me when he visited the Nitro Grill on Las Vegas - a scan of which can be found here (68K gif). Please notice the personalised inscription "All my love." ALL her love. That means NONE of her love for ANYONE else but me! She's MINE! MINE! *I* have ALL of Spice's love! Wahoo!
BEGGING: If YOU feel a special urge to send me free swag, my address is PO Box 64405, Sunnyvale, CA, 94088-4405. I will duly shill in return, just like everybody else around here seems to do - I'll just try to be a little more creative about it. Unless, of course, you enjoy the blatant route. I am nothing if not pliable when it comes to rather blatant bribery.
IF THAT'S TOO EXPENSIVE: I *still* need some help compiling the 1999 Year in Quotes - it's cheaper than sending me stuff, since all you have to do is invest a little time in poring over some old reports! If you're interested and have the time this week, send me an email and I'll drop the particulars one more time. And if you've already volunteered, now's the time to start sending me your findings!
QUICK QUOTES: We're almost there, baby. Nitro report coming up! TWX 69 11/16 (+ 3 59/128), SPLN 55 5/16 (- 7 1/16)
TANGENT: On the heels of Sportsline.com (formerly SportsLine USA) hitting an all-time high last Tuesday of 83 1/4, wow! That puts this yesterday's closing price in a different light, don't it? Those of you who would wonder "what the heck could have happened to get the price so freakin' high?" probably would be interested to know that last week, the newly created MVP.com announced they'd buy out SportsLine.com's e-business ... well, business, I guess. One thing that would be nice to know is whether or not the new owners of the e-business section will still contribute money to the PTC like SportsLine (the parent of WrestleLine) currently does, in a shocking display of something-or-other. MVP.com, if you haven't heard, is the new business venture figureheaded up by John Elway, Michael Jordan and Wayne Gretzky. So somehow or another, you can know play "Six Degrees of Separation" and get from me to WrestleManiacs, to WrestleLine, to SportsLine.com, to MVP.com, to Wayne Gretzky, to Janet Jones. I know I'LL sleep a lot easier knowing I've never been closer to Janet Jones.
And ultimately, that's a lot more fun than trying to figure out the deal between SportsLine.com and CBS, isn't it?
Are you telling me THERE WAS A SHOW TONIGIHT? Well let's get right to it, then!
WCW logo - for the last time this year (THUNDER! does NOT count, no)
TV-14 logo brings us some THUNDER! highlights - you know, watching this montage of Goldberg clips, I can't help but think that this show truly *is* special again. There's the closed captioned symbol. The reason they went black'n'white is because they wouldn't DARE show that much blood in colour! Not on THIS network! Not at THIS time!
Bret Hart, Kevin Nash and Jeff Jarrett are - WALKING!
Helpful hint: If I can hear you say "clear," then you're probably NOT REALLY clear.
PYRO PYRO This is WCW Monday Nitro: New Year's Evil, coming to you LIVE (via west coast tape delay) 27.12.99 from the Astrodome in Houston, Tejas and only on TNT!
Your hosts are the AWESOME 3 - and even though they've been sitting in this same configuration for weeks and weeks on end, this particular week the chyron doesn't match the people who are sittin' there. Bush league, I say! Let's get a medical update - Goldberg shredded a tendon last week - reconstructive surgery and over forty stitches, they say. Yuck! They ARE showing it in colour now! GROSS! Tony says tonight the Outsiders were to defend their titles tonight, but Scott Hall no-showed once again. For the first time, we hear the name "Bill Busch" - in a memo, Busch trumped Vince Russo & Ed Ferrara (names also mentioned) saying that the Outsiders would be stripped of the titles if Hall didn't show up by 7 - he didn't, so they have been. In retaliation, Russo & Ferrara have booked a Lethal Lottery to fill the vacancy - it starts tonight, and continues next week. A helpful graphic states "Lethal Lottery for tag team titles begins tonight" - another helpful graphic tells us that "Total Package and Liz Speak About What Happened to Liz" - Jarrett vs. Kidman for the US title! Hart vs. Flynn (Flynn?!?) for the World title! And, sadly, Scott Steiner - Big Poppa Pump - will announce his retirement tonight. And by "sadly," I mean "finally." Oops, sorry.
CHRIS "CHAMPAGNE" KANYON (with entourage) make their way to the commentary table
NASTY BRIAN KNOBS v. TRIPPA B in a falls count anywhere, hardcore match - Let Us Take You Back to THUNDER! where Kanyon waffled Bigelow with a title belt, allowing the Maestro to get a pinfall on Triple B. Bigelow, when we come back to real time, has been flattened by a trashcan from Knobs - camera missed it, of course. Oh well. You seen one trash can shot, you seen 'em all. Here's a few more, just in case you didn't believe me. There's a crutch. Over the rail we go, apparently Kanyon and Bigelow got into it just off camera - this whole match is now taking place off camera as they brawl through the camera, Kanyon following (and saying "marks" about a BILLION times) - now at a souvenir stand - only problem is, THEY HAVE NO CAMERA there, so we are treated to a SPECTACULAR shot of about the backs of a hundred heads. Anyhow, Kanyon busts out his title belt, waffles Bigelow with it, all completely missed by the commentators (and the cameras) - referee "Blind" Mickey J. apparently counts the pinfall for Knobs (2:50) and let's face it, and I almost NEVER make these direct comparisons, but if the *WWF* had done this, you can be DAMN sure we would have SEEN what the HELL was going on in this match. Let's move on...
Backstage, Sid Vicious and Chris Benoit are carpooling! And they've - ARRIVED! Off in the distance, we take a look at a monster truck with an NWO logo on it..
Meanwhile, the NWO triad has caught up with J.J. Dillon - Nash forks over his title belt, Dillon throws out "I'm just the messenger" which is a secret code for "please kick my ass now," and so they do.
WCW Mayhem: the Music ad
Close captioning brought to you by America (ha!) Online 5.0!
Outside, we see the NWO contingent admiring the monster truck. Did I mention they're wearing the BRAND NEW NWO shirts? Yup. Haven't you bought YOURS yet? They also notice Sid's car...Nash says "let's get the gimmicks." Oh, I *hope* they tag it with spray paint!
SID VISCOUS is out. "Heyyyyyyyy! Ho! NWO! Let's raise the house one time and (something) hell yeah! [Even the closed captioning guys have no idea what he's saying] See, NWO, we've got it figured out - the message tonight is real simple - payback will be a BIIIIIITCH! See we've figured it out - Benoit, myself and Goldberg - if we don't watch each other's backs - you guys will devour us like vultures that you are. So what we've got to do, we've got to keep this thing a gang warfare, and real simple, we will kick your ass! I said kick your ass! See it was unfortunate, what happened to Goldberg at Thunder, but the way I look at it, it'll be Bret Hart's worst nightmare, because it's time for Big Sid to step up to the plate - and at Souled Out, it'll be me and Bret Hart and I will be going for the WCW World Title! And that means I will powebomb you, Bret Hart, straight to hell, just like I did Kevin Nash." God, the echoes are HIDEOUS. CHRIS BENOIT is out now. "Which brings us to the Golden Child, the Man-to-be, say the Powers that Be. None other than the Chosen One, Jeff Jarrett. You know it's a damn shame, when you see pure talent tainted by ego and greed. Jeff Jarrett, not only have you completely lost my respect but I believe you've lost respect for yourself. Come Souled Out, I've got somewhat of an awakening, or should I say, one hell of an asskicking in mind for you. Something special called the Triple Threat Theatre. We start that out by a Dungeon Rules only match. No ropes, no way out, victory by pinfall or submission - you leave, you lose. I'll give you the opportunity to redeem yourself after that, by placing myself in your backyard - Bunkhouse Brawl. To cap off the evening, I've had a special cage built to host a match I call Caged Heat - two men walk in, one man walks out. One night - three matches - two out of three wins it all. Jeff Jarrett, not only am I gonna prove to the world that you ARE the Chosen One - the chosen one to be the sacrifical lamb - the chosen one to be led to slaughter - the chosen one to experience what Silent But Violent is all about..." Hey, so if Benoit or Jarrett wins the first two matches, they wouldn't need that Caged Heat match, right? I guarantee it'll go 1-1 for the first two matches....I mean, wahoo! THREE Benoit/Jarrett matches for Souled Out! THAT'LL pop a buyrate! Especially since we've only seen these two in matches on Nitro...what, three or four times only?
Outside, the NWO is spraypainting Sid's car up - WOW!
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim and America (ha!) Online
New Year's Evil is brought to you in part by 1-800-COLLECT! Call someone who cares!
Hey! It's that Lynyrd Skynyrd guy! And that ZZ Top guy!
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago where the NWO spraypainted the car. "The band is back together again!"
Outside, Sid and Benoit come across their car - looks like Bret had to blot out the word "DICK"
BUZZKILL & MIKE ROTUNDO (with Kevin Sullivan & Rick Steiner & Leia Meow) v. KONNAN (with Kidman & Eddie Guerrero & Raymond Stereo) & DEAN MALENKO (with Shane Douglas & Perry Saturn & Asya) in a Lethal Lottery tag - I think my head just exploded. They've already managed to bring out thirteen people in this first of eight matches tonight.
We get a Revolution/Filthy
Animals brawl on the outside, an Asya/Leia Meow catfight on the inside,
appears while referee "Blind" Nick Patrick isn't looking
and breaks a 2x4 over Malenko as he has Buzzkill in theTejas Cloverleaf,
Buzzkill covers and gets the fall (1:59) - so basically,
Buzzkill and Rotundo move on... stay with me, I'm sure this'll get even
Outside, Jarrett skulks about the production truck - then he and Hart unplug something. With a dramatic shower of sparks, the picture cuts to black - just in time for this ad break
When we come back, the picture is pretty snowy - well, nice try - anyway, a white limo arrives - Rick Steiner meets it - ahh, Scott Steiner exits it. Rick pulls out a wheelchair from the trunk and Scott sits in it, wearing a brace around his midsection and carrying a cane. The picture's cleared up now. Rick wheeling Scott ...
Meanwhile, we cut to Jarrett and Hart destroying a catering table. Jarrett spraypainting nWo on the wall! WOW!
SHANE (no entrance) v. TANK ABBOTT - Let Us Take You Back to THUNDER! where Tank attacked Doug Dillenger - an attack which cost him ten grand, we are told. Abbott punches, elbows, and stomps - WOW! Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman drops the arm three times in between tie chokes - next. (KO :48) DOUG DILLENGER & SECURITY come out and Abbott flips a couple birds and walks off. Then he strokes his goatee and I could have SWORN I'd heard him say "Yeahbaby" a few times, too
Backstage, Rick Steiner is still wheeling Scott Steiner around
Remember that WCW Mayhem contest for tonight's New Year's Evil? Well, here are those winners in the crowd right now! The scary thing is all these scary lookin' redneck folk apparently ALL HAVE INTERNET ACCESS since they were able to enter this thing.
Hey! Another version of "the Virginian!" Isn't that "When you call me that, smile" or am I thinking of some other flick?
See WCW LIVE tomorrow in Beaumont (not a THUNDER! taping?), next Monday in Greenville for Nitro, next Tuesday in Florence for THUNDER!, next Wednesday in Rock Hill, and Thursday in Roanoke directly competing with THUNDER!
Here's a Special Video Look at Scott Steiner - most of his whole career. When the announcer says "cumulative strain and toil Scott had subjected his body to," I can't help but think "steroids," actually. Is that bad of me?
Hey, Ice Train! WOOO WOOOO
"Steinerline" plays one more time as the STEINER BROTHERS come out - Rick wheeling Scott. Scott in the ring and using the cane - Rick bringing in the chair. There's a hug and both men are tearing up. Rick leaves the ring and it's all Scott - one last time. "You know, I had a speech all set up here, but, that last, ah trip down the aisle for the last time was harder than I thought it was gonna be, so I'm just gonna tell you the way it is. You know, I had a - I went back to the doctor's this week and uh, they had a look at my back and they took some X-rays and some MRI's and he said that I have a degenrated disc, and he said that ah, I need another surgery uh - and a fusion, so he sad, uh for me to be healthy after wrestling - he told me to retire." He's crying. Load "Scotty" chant from the crowd. "You know, something you been doing all your life - through high school and college, but for somebody to tell you that it's over is, you know, it's hard to take - not being able to leave on your own terms is real tough. But I think the toughest thing is all that I'll never be able to wrestle with my brother again. So, if you would, in the next couple weeks, uh, if you can, just say a prayer for me. Thanks." No sooner does the last word leave his lips than the NWO theme fires up and out walks BRET CLARKE, JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET and KEVIN NASH. Hart: "Hey! Scotty Steiner! Let's give a big hand for Scotty Steiner - great career, Scotty - we're all boo-hooing a lot, great career, yadda yadda yadda, get your stinkin' ass out of the ring, 'cause we have no time for a washed-up nobody like you! Hey Scotty, I'll be really honest - you were never very good anyway." Well, that's enough of that. I sure hope nobody watching invested any geniune emotion in this, since it's apparently all an angle. They throw Steiner's wheelchair out of the ring. Hart keeps talking. Seeing Jarrett feign tears here reminds me of how he reacted in his video they aired during the RAW tribute to Owen Hart. That's unfair of me, for sure, but sadly, that's the exact image that is brought to my mind. And seeing him here tonight...it makes me think a little less of Jarrett. Congratulations, WCW, you're bringing me genuine pain. For an encore, Jarrett kabongs a production assistant who tries to wrap up this segment. Nash: "Oh, it's a break! We'll be right back."
When we come back, Hart, Jarrett and Nash are still in the ring. TV-14 logo appears - disappears - and appears again. Nash says "Bill Busch" for the smarts. Jarrett acts as if what he's saying isn't on the air. Nash says a lot of stuff that gets muted - same difference. Hart rips off Jericho by saying "Hitman 4, Goldberg 0" then says some bizarre stuff about Dr. Kevorkian and how he's just like Goldberg, or vice versa. Hart says unlike his car, Sid bleeds. Jarrett calls himself the Chosen One. I *believe* "Assholedome" gets muted - I know that "asshole" does. Jarrett accepts the Triple Threat Theatre challenge. Jarrett says "slapnuts." Sid's car drives down the aisle and SID VISCOUS & CHRIS BENOIT get out of it, brandishing the NWO's silver bats. The ring is cleared. CURT HENNIG
comes in to try to
surprise them, then goes down at the hands of the
baseball bats. Benoit with the double Okie blow, then they toss him over
the top rope into the hood of the Caddy. Hennig tried to knock out the
windshield, but missed. Sid's music plays. Great, another two hours left
Promotional consideration paid for by Jolly Time Blast o' Butter and Slim Jim!
WCW & Surge are the perfect match! Check out these Sting, Rey Mysterio, Jr., Booker T., Kevin Nash and Goldberg ACTION CANS if you don't believe me!
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago as the car rides down the aisle, Hennig tries to attach Benoit, Vicious AND their bats, then lands hard on the hood of the car.
Backstage, Curt Hennig is loaded into an ambulance
HARLEM HEAT v. LASH LeROUX & MIDNIGHT in a Lethal Lottery tag - Let Us Take You Back to Last Week and show you that Midnight and Stevie Ray aren't getting along - just a little TOO coincidental that not only are Harlem Heat teaming, but they are facing Midnight, don't you think? But that's how that Lethal Lottery goes... Booker T. and LeRoux start. "Ahhhhhh!" Lockup, kneelift from T., forearm, off the ropes, duck, LeRoux up top, rolls for 2. Right, into the opposite corner, T. up and over - there's a uranage for 2. Arm wringer, tag, Stevie Ray clubberin' him but good. All over him, STILL all over him. Off the ropes, head down, Sunset flip attempt by LeRoux, Ray picks him up by the neck, double choke, throws him down. LeRoux manages a tag. Ray welcomes Midnight in the ring - lockup, Ray shoves her down. Off the rope, shoulderblock. Crowd kinda diggin' it. Midnight nips up! Kick from Ray, forearm, off the ropes, duck, kick from Midnight, snap suplex with a bridge - only 2. Ray claims a tights pull. Booker T. tags himself in, to Ray's dismay. Lockup, off the ropes, reveresd, leapfrog, arm wringer, T. was gonna do the back kick, but realised he'd be hitting her in the boobie, so he held up. Ray: "What the hell are you doing?" Lockup, side headlock from Midnight, to the ropes, off the ropes, up and over, leapfrog, hiptoss attempt, dueling hiptosses, nope, backbreaker by Booker T., but he holds up on it. They sharing smiles. Ray is in the ring and shoving his brother hard. Midnight taking umbrage. Ray ready to swing, Booker T. holds the fist back, Midnight strikes, and now Booker T. takes issue with *Midnight*. Ray waffles T. with the slapjack! Midnight covers - but Ray slapjacks HER. Meanwhile, LeRoux is saying to himself "I'm glad I'm just a crazy cracka!" LeRoux is actually in now - Ray slapjacks HIM - and he happens to fall with an arm draped over T. 1, 2, 3. (4:56) Midnight and Lash LeRoux advance.
Bret Hart is WALKING! Chavo Guerrero tries to catch up to him - but a mysterious hooded, masked figure jumps him from behind (almost taking out a stagehand in the process) - punches and kicks - then runs off. That's Mona, right?
"Revolution's Assault on America" vignette - complete with CNN music
- and no point
Members of TEAM POWER PLANT are in the front row - and very stoic. Where's Sonny Siaki? That guy's the next Rock, I swear!
BRET CLARKE v. LIGHTNINGFOOT JERRY FLYNN for the World Heavyweight title - how many things are wrong with this segment? The champion enters first, and the challenge is Jerry Flynn. Flynn's lucky, I suppose - he was booked to face Goldberg until he got injured (that's just a joke. A little one.) Lockup, armdrag from Flynn. Lockup, to the corner, right hand from Hart, right, right, knee, elbow to the back of the head. Right, raking his face with the top rope, right, right, Flynn tossed outside the ring. We learn that for the Hart/Vicious match at Souled Out, the title *can* change hands on a DQ, thanks to Bill Busch. Hart outside and taking Flynn to the barricade. Punches are exchanged. Whip into the barricade is reversed by Flynn. Flynn punching, kicking. Choke. KEVIN NASH & JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET are out with bats. Back in the ring go Flynn and Hart. Flynn using the martial arts kicks - standing on the neck, Hart comes back with a few kicks of his own - there's a DDT. Stomping on the abs. Jerry Flynn has a match with Tank Abbott in the block at Souled Out. WOW! Hart with a side Russian legsweep. Hart punching away. Off the ropes, duck, Flynn with a kick. Jarrett in the ring with the bat while Nash distracts referee "Blind" Charles Robinson. Why'd I bother with play-by-play again? Sharpshooter. Good night. (3:57) NWO in the ring, bats in play - spray painting him! WOW! Tony notices for the first time that the paint is silver. Everybody takes off as TANK ABBOTT enters the ring - checks on Flynn - now rousting him - so he can hit him with a right again. Abbott's music plays and he walks off. Yeahbaby! Yeahbaby!
Jimmy Barron is a cheap bastard - calling collect to tell us about next week's Nitro
Sid Vicious & Sting are the latest members of the Superstar Series
Revolution's Assault on America vignette
Kevin Nash talks to Scott Hall on the cel phone
PG-13 v. RICK WOOF WOOF (with Leia Meow) & BERLYN in a Lethal Lottery tag - Now now, TWO teams intact in this RANDOM draw? PG-13 dressed as Eddie George & Frank Wycheck - and rapping! Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where the Varsity Club had lots of fun with PG-13 at THUNDER! A late Christmas present for me - starting next Monday, Nitro is cut to two hours - 8 to 10. Thank GOD, 20% less work and 33% less Nitro EVERY week! Berlyn takes a powder when PG-13 turn the tide against him, Rick Steiner comes in, cleans house, attempts to cripple both men, and then pins one of 'em following a suplex. (2:43) Rick goes on to CONTINUE to beat up both men, so referee "Blind" Billy Silverman disqualifies Steiner and declares PG-13 the winners - they'll advance in the tourney. (DQ 2:43)
Saturn finds Hacksaw Jim Duggan - he says his stooge in the office told him that they were teaming against Asya & Smiley - he tries to strike a deal with his fellow "optically-challenged" grappler. Yuk yuk yuk.
Hey! Celtics and Kings on TNT tomorrow! I hope the Kings have stopped sucking in time for their national appearance!
Revolution's Assault on America vignette - I guess the point of these spots is to prove that Saturn's a little goofy.
Don't know if they needed
to spring for tix to DC to do that, but...
THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC SCREAMIN' NORMAL SMILEY & ASYA (with Shane Douglas & Dean Malenko) v. PERRY SATURN & HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN in a Lethal Lottery tag - Let Us Take You Back to THUNDER! where Meng helped Smiley defeat Fit Finlay. Douglas takes the fourth headset and cries "conspiracy" about the Revolution fighting on different sides in this match. We take a gander at Hacksaw's wife and daughters somewhere in this crowd. Before the bell, Duggan clotheslines his own partner, scoop slam, clothesline. Smiley jumps on the opportunity - whip into the corner, swoop slam (I've missed that move), front face, vertical suplex, He's doin' it in da butt and smackin' his bitch up! Another slam. Smiley with one more dance - just enough of an opening for Saturn to hit a release suplex. Another suplex. Pumphandle into another suplex. Scoop - and a slam. Saturn on the top rope - Savage elbowdrop! But he hit the chest protector and hurt his own arm in the process. Smiley with a clothesline - then he scurries to Asya and tags her in. Saturn going for the Spicolli Driver - but he relents. He tells her to tag out, but she turns back and shoves Saturn. Saturn shoves back. Got her by the hair - Asya with a Golota even weaker than Spice's (and I didn't think that was possible!) There's a clothesline, Asya almost spraining a leg in the process. Saturn put up on the top turnbuckle - Asya on top - SUPERPLEX! Asya tags Smiley while Duggan comes in and hits the Old Glory kneedrop. Duggan counts his own pinfall on Saturn, then takes off. Smiley checks to see if Saturn is moving - discovering that he's not, he covers - 1, 2, 3. (No opening bell - call it 3:32) Smiley is ecstatic - hug for Asya, which she turns into a belly-to-belly suplex. Duggan in and Saturn goes down to the 2x4. Anyway, Smiley and Asya advance. Duggan calls in his family - awwww, isn't that nice? Thyen he stomps on the Revolution flag. Heenan: "Doesn't it make you want to regurgitate?"
Kidman - is - WALKING!
Jeff Jarrett is also - WALKING!
Souled Out is coming - 16 January!!
KIDMAN (with TV-14 ratings box) v. JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET for the United States Heavyweight championship - I guess it's a blessing that Jarrett, having to come out to the NWO theme, doesn't come out to his Kid Rock ripoff anymore.
Only one hour to go! I expect NWO
shenanigans, which makes it a lot easier to rationalise not bothering with
proper blow-by-blow. Well, it went a whole 2:40 before BRET CLARKE & KEVIN
NASH arrived, bats in tow. Kidman still kicking
out, even after a
Jackhammer-alike by Jarrett. Textbook dropkick from Jarrett - top rope
crossbody - Kidman rolls through for a 2 of his own! Jarrett with a right
- choking him on the second rope - then distracting referee "Blind" Mickey
J. so Nash can get in a choke of his own. Jarrett with another choke -
then crotches himself on the second rope when Kidman moves aside. Big
clothesline from Jarrett for 2. Off the ropes, duck, sleeper from Jarrett.
Kidman to one knee, two knees - Schiavone calls Heenan "Lee Marshall" just
to see if I'm paying attention. I'm not. Arm falls once, arm falls twice,
arm doesn't fall thrice. Kidman elbowing out - off the ropes, sleeper of
his own. Jarrett powers out, duck, Rydeen bomb from Kidman. 2 count.
Kidman on top - high cross body - but only 2! Jarrett to the eyes - suplex
- Kidman up and over, rollup, 2. Jarrett with a right. Off the ropes is
reversed, back elbow from Kidman, Kidman charges, Nash pulls on the top
rope and Kidman sails to the floor. Now the rest of the
out. Guerrero and Kidman work over Jarrett - Hart comes over to Guerrero
while Nash buries the bat in Konnan's back. Mysterio up on the apron -
crutch to Jarrett! Kidman rolls him up - 1, 2, NO! Jarrett going for - oh
no - YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN! Heenan: "Never saw anything like that!"
You old goat, Heenan. Kidman going up top for the shooting star press -
Nash whacks him in the shin with his bat - Kidman falls. There's the
Stroke from Jarrett - 1, 2, 3. (8:07) Hart and Nash take out
with the bats, then with Mysterio's own crutch for good measure. Hart tags
'em with spraypaint. WOW!
GENE O. works tonight! And he invites to the ring THE NARCISSIST & LIZ - who come out to the ring to "Seek & Destroy," Package dressed as Sting, complete with trenchcoat and white face, Liz in Scorpion top and carrying a black bat. Package runs the ropes and howls. Okerlund calls it "sick humour." I don't think he means it in the *good* way, either!
Package: "Come on, Gene, work with me here. What happened was - Mean Gene
- the Total Package just - annihilated me - the Total Package just kicked
my ass. Awooooo! I mean the Total Package is without a doubt the greatest
physical specimen in professional sports today Gene, awhooooooo! Six foor
four - awhooooo! 275! Awhooo! 4% body fat, two and 32" waist! Awhooo!
He's unstoppable! Awhoooo! Awhoooo!!" "Sting" goes on to compare
Elizabeth's swing to a combination of Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa. The
lights go out after some more of this - strange sound effects fill the
arena - when the lights come up, Gene Okerlund is gone and the centre of
the ring is filled with black roses. Package looks around, in the
rafters...but apparently, sees nothing.
WCW Magazine spot
Sting may be taking a break, but he STILL carries the power of the card!
Goldberg "Man or Machine?" T-shirt ad
Kevin Nash talks to Scott Hall - again - on the cel phone - apparently he's trying to give him directions to the Astrodome.
FIT FINLAY & THEMONSTERMENG v. HARRIS BOYS in a Lethal Lottery tag - Happy Birthday, Goldberg! Before the second team is introduced, Finlay and Meng start beating each other up and the opening bell rings. Errrr.....okay. You know, this makes THREE teams that made it in unbroken. I'm not gonna run the numbers, but I know that the odds against that happening are well nigh astronomical. Why, I'm starting to think this whole thing is RIGGED! The Harris Boys take both men to the outside, whereupon they resume THEIR brawl while they stand in the ring watching with amusement while referee "Blind" Brady Boone makes his way to ten. (COR 2:17) Ron & Don advance. Finlay and themonstermeng are still fighting! And now the lights go out, flicker, and when they come back up, the Harris' were left laying at the hands of the HOODED FIGURE - or, rather, the "Remote Control," says Tony.
David Flair and Daphne watch "Natural Born Killers..." over and over and over...confirming what we've suspected all along - that's what they're ripping off.
Helpful graphic says that "The Best of WCW Millennium Show" will air
Wednesday from 8-11. The first match ever on Nitro is promised. Hey,
wasn't that Pillman vs. Liger? Tune in Wednesday and see if I'm right!
3 COUNT is in the ring. Tenay says he's embarrassed for Ricky Medlock and Dusty Hill that they have to listen to this in the ring. I don't know if THIS is the reason for be embarrassed for them, but it's a nice sentiment. You know, in a Stock/Aitken/Waterman kinda way, this tune's kinda catchy...and now VAMPIRO is out and taking the two non-Karagias members of 3 Count of the ring. Then he turns to Karagias and reminds him that he OWES him! Hey!
VAMPIRO & EVAN KARAGIAS (with Shane &
Shannon) v. DAVID SAMMARTINO - ERR,
FLAIR (with Daffney and golden crowbar) & MAESTRO (with Symphony) in a
Lethal Lottery tag - NOW my head's exploding.
Before Maestro makes it to
the ring, he's jumped from behind by
"WCW Mayhem: the Music" ad
Jarrett and Hart ask Nash where Hall is - Nash enjoys a frosty can of Surge and promises that Hall WILL be here. Are they arguing? Could THIS be the beginning of the end of the NWO?
DISCO INFERNO & BIG VITO (with Tony Marinara and Johnny the Bull) v. CHRIS "CHAMPAGNE" KANYON (with entourage) & BUFF IS THE STUFF in a Lethal Lottery tag - Johnny the Bull is eating a sandwich! Bagwell/Page has been inked for Souled Out as a "Last Man Standing" match - and I'm sure it's REAL, this time. Har har. Tony and Johnny try hitting on Kanyon's ladies, so Kanyon goes outside to put a stop to that. Back in the ring, Disco gets the upper hand until Kanyon hits a Russian legsweep, then AGAIN leaves the ring to protect his women. This time he tags Bagwell first. Now Kanyon's leaving. Bagwell on two guys - hmmm. Sounds like SOMEBODY'S dream come true. The two finally turn the tide on one when Vito hits a superkick. There's some Italian martial arts. Veritcal suplex coming up - and there you go. Vito with a Buff-esque pose to rile up the crowd. Tag to Disco, kick, off the ropes, atomic drop, clothesline, cover, 1, 2, nope. Cover, leg hooked - another 2. Off the ropes, duck, gutshot, swinging neckbreaker by Bagwell. Disco slowly over to make the tag, Buff blocks a punch and hits one of his own. Now alternating between men, now Vito manages a double sledge while Bagwell slams Disco. Vito produces a chain and hands it to Disco - then holds Bagwell for Disc to hit him. Of course, Buff slips it and Disco hits Vito instead. That hardly EVER works! Anyway, one Buff blockbuster later, he and Kanyon advance. (4:30) Tony Marinara has some words with Disco Inferno, who gets back in the ring and waffles Bagwell with the chain while he poses. Disco and Johnny stomp away on Bagwell. Let's play "not the theme from the Godfather but an incredible simulation."
Kevin Nash - is - WALKING! He looks just a mite disappointed - is Scott Hall not going to arrive? Or is it all just an act so the commentators can say "swerved" to end the show? Come back soon!
The 1999 Best of WCW Millennium Show is rated TV-14-DLS and airs Wednesday! Yeah! This time it just MIGHT be an actual "Best of" unlike last year's...well, we can hope, can't we?
OUTSIDERS (with Bret Clarke & Jedoublef Jadoubleredoublet) v. ? in a Lethal Lottery tag - we are at least told that the Powers that Be (whom we haven't heard from all night - good idea) circumvented the random drawing and arranged for the Outsiders to tag in THIS match. But it's actually only Nash come out - no Hall. "Much to my chagrin, Scott hasn't arrived yet, so if it's all right with the, ah - with Bill Busch and the rest of 'em in the back, I'd like to have a couple of minutes - I know he's on his way to the building, so I mean
this is last second on us, I think we should
get some kinda leeway..." but the music starts and out walks
THE WALL. If
he teams with Sid Vicious, I'll be unhappy - but of course, here's
VISCOUS. Geez, let's at least TRY to make it look
random, huh? Is that
THAT hard? Oh, sorry, I mean "this is BRILLIANT booking! What a great,
inspired set of pairings!" Now Nash claims a gas bubble - he'd like to
wait just a few minutes. "I've got the flu!" Referee "Blind" Johnny Boone
says this is a three hour show and we're already into overtime. Jarrett
takes fourth headset while Nash does a Hogan-esque rip of his shirt. Nash
surprises Wall to take control, but Wall comes back with - man, that dude
is big and white - but not in a Tank Abbott kinda way. Here's a back
suplex-alike for 2. Uppercut, right, head to the gut, again, right, right,
off the ropes, big boot. Crowd is SCREAMING for the Wall! Well, no, not
really. Anyway, Nash reverses a whip, Wall ducks the clothesline and Hart
cracks Wall with his bat. Nash with the big boot. Sid wants in but he's
gotta tag first - all he's doing is distracting Boone so Jarrett can work
over his face with his fists behind his back. Hart up on the apron when
Sid walks over to Jarrett, more punishment for the Wall. Wall still
manages to fight back on Nash - headlock applied, eyepoke, elbow, elbow,
threatening look to Sid to bring him in - Boone pushed aside by Vicious and
now he's all over Nash - now over Jarrett as he gets in the ring. Hart
with the bat to the Wall repeatedly, but he sneaks in a shot on Hart, but
Nash is in with a bat shot of his own. Cover, Boone is back in -
Whoopee, Hall and Nash advance! Nash ready to powerbomb Vicious but
BENOIT is out. SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER
walks to the ring with his cane.
Vicious chokeslams Jarrett! Steiner in the ring - if ANYBODY thinks he's
not gonna turn on Sid here, you're just lost on the SOP of the WCW -
nothing's changed - nothing's changed. Sid setting up Jarrett for another
one - baseball bat whack on Sid. One for Benoit. Steiner removes his
brace - and his shirt - to reveal an NWO T-shirt. Tony says "swerve."
Yeah, screw you, fans! Nash said all along that "Scott" would be here ...
but man, what a swerve! He was REALLY talking about Scott *Steiner!*
'Cause the band's back together! We were all SWERVED! Vicious' car is
brought out again and Vicious is dumped into it. Leaflets are falling and
an NWO banner is unfurled. Gee, we've never seen THIS before - I can SMELL
the ratings! Nash sits on the hood of the car - Jarrett, Steiner, and Hart
in the car - and now driving off. SWERVE! We follow the car to the back -
where it stops - looks like we need to get that monster truck involved here
as Hart runs off, and then the monster truck appears - "SID VICIOUS IS
STILL IN THAT CAR!!!!!" The monster truck crushes the car - we're WAY late
here, bring up the credits, at least there's an hour less of this next
week. Happy New Year! Or should I say...HAPPY *SWERVE* YEAR!!!