|NWA Total Nonstop Action||
I'm not sure how I could have THOUSANDS of you could read last week's
report with me somehow ending up with ZERO emails out of it, but golly if
that didn't happen with the debut report. Did it make you want to buy the
show, or glad you *didn't* buy it? Big waste of time? Scott Keith's
report was better? (HA HA HA) Anyway, feedback. Don't make me BEG!
In the ad before the show, the featured performers are Jeff Jarrett, Ken Shamrock, TEO and Puppet (the hardcore midgets), and the TNA Girls! Hmm, where'd Scott Hall go?
LAST WEEK: Hey, this is the first replay these guys have ever shown! Fargo put Jarrett in #1, Shamrock said some things, Hall said some things, Jarrett choked Fargo, Jarrett stopped Toby Keith's song, sheesh why was I complaining about no replays last week, there was a Gauntlet for the Gold where lots of stuff happened, oh and Jarrett talked some more - HA HA BIG DAVE HEAD PASTED ON A SIGN that still gets me - hey, go read last week's report
Opening Credits, same as last week
PYRO away - I wouldn't be surprised if it was last week's with different camera angles, but I'd hate to start out on a cynical note, yuk yuk - anyway, this is NWATNA #2, coming to you from the Von Braun Center in Huntsville, AL 26.6.2 (taped 19.6) and broadcast EXCLUSIVELY on pay-per-view!
Your hosts are ASK MIKE TENAY, ED
FERRARA & DON WEST. Sign behind them:
"I'D RATHER BE AT
One fall, twenty minute time limit
The TNA girls are in a cages! Oh no! Coming up, lingerie battle royal...
LAST WEEK: Women walked to the ring! Also, Francine and Elektra failed to give me a stiffy
CHEEX (Roanoke, Virginia - 402 pounds -
with the Brown Eyed Girl) v.
FRANK PARKER (already in the ring)
Also, the TNA girls dance - always with the dance - next week, new tag team champions will be crowned in a one night tournament! Also, Brian Christopher & Scott Hall vs. K Krush & Jeff Jarrett! Boy, I sure hope they hype this ALLLLLLLLLLL NIGHT
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week when K Krush told us he was sick and tired of hearing about some damn racecar drivers, then Hermie Sadler said some thing, then Brian Christopher came out and said some thing, and wow there sure are a lot of clips here - you know, the fact that Jerry Jarrett either pretended he couldn't or actually *couldn't* see a racist side of this confrontation...well, that may be more telling than he'd like to admit
K KRUSH (Charlotte, North Carolina -
242 pounds) v. BRIAN CHRISTOPHER
(Memphis, Tennessee - no weight announced - with Hermie Sadler & Sterling
TNA Girls can't hear you, they're too busy dancing - coming up later, the Rainbow Express will be in tag team action! Also, we'll hear from Ken Shamrock! And don't forget - the X Division Champion will be crowned in a four man round robin tournament!
To the ring now, and Jeremy Borash. "Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time forour lingerie battle royal. The competitor with her clothes on at the end of the Battle Royal will be declared the winner and Miss TNA! Coming to the ring, please welcome TYLER! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the Queen of Extreme, FRANCINE! (Camera shows us Tyler) Please welcome JOANIE! (Director shows us Francine - fire him now - there's Joanie.) Borash gives up and stops introducing contestants. SHANNON is next, bounding out with energy and screaming. ALEXIS LaREE follows. They're all wearing pajamas. There's - they don't say. (SASHA?) ERIN the cheerleader follows. There's ELEKTRA. And finally, TAYLOR VAUGHN.
The TNA Girls continue to dance. Still to come, Ken Shamrock speaks! But first...
GOLDILOCKS stands backstage with Apolo. He says he's moved to Orlando, and - well, wait. Bobcat interrupts and says that she should be interviewing her man (who doesn't appear to have a name, but has "DY" on the front of his tights. Goldilocks decides to cut the interview, so we cut to
TNA Girls dance - Tenay at least bothers to tell us that the dude in question is named David Young.
APOLO (San Juan, Puerto Rico - 262
pounds) v. THIS IS DAVID YOUNG (Atlanta,
Georgia - 230 pounds - with former WWF hardcore champion
TNA Girls - Mike Tenay invites you to visit nwatna.com - I'll let you in on a secret...it's still a pretty crappy site
To the ring! "Well, well, well. It is I, the Quintessential Studmuffin, JOEL 'I'm a licker / not a biter / and for a girl with me / it's gonna be an all-nighter / I'm a lover / not a fighter / but I never need a lighter' GERTNER. And a lotta people have been asking me 'Joel, what are you doing with the Rainbow Express? You're nothing like them, they're nothing like you; in fact, they're GAY. Truth is, they are - and I'm not - and ninety percent plus of you probably aren't either, but just think about it - whether they're actors or musicians, whether they're athletes or politicians - whether it's Olympic legend Greg Louganis - or whether it's Elton John making the music that all of you listen to, just rest assured there are people with alternative lifestyles - some of them, lots of them who live better lives than you. I don't care what they do in their hotel, that's their business, when they get in the ring, they're ALL business. Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you, Lenny and Bruce, the Rainbow Express!"
RAINBOW EXPRESS v. THE DUPPS (464
We go backstage, where Goldilocks has found the Dupps. "Fluff, I ain't, I ain't wrestlin' none o' them alternative lifestyle boys - I done seen 'em - they's just...left wingers. I ain't wrestlin' no hippies. Goldilocks walks over and the camera follows - Bill Behrens makes his contractually obligated appearance, asking a departing Harris and Storm if they'd mind taking their shirts off and hitting the ring to take over this match. They agree, so...
RAINBOW EXPRESS v. CHRIS HARRIS & COWBOY JAMES STORM - Rainbow Express all over them at the start. Double into the ring, double head down, double kick, Bruce clotheslined out by Harris while Storm kicks Lenny and gives him a bulldog. Superkick CAUGHT, but Storm spins round with another kick, and one more kick puts Lenny down. Into the corner, elbow up on the charge by Lenny - there's a TNA tornado DDT - and a legdrop. No tags for this crew - Lenny kisses Bruce's hand. Off the ropes, spingboard sunset flip attempted as Lenny holds him - but Storm fights it, elbows away Lenny - Bruce starts humping the air (?) while Lenny runs the ropes - clothesline finally completes the sunset flip but it only gets 2. Harris in, ducks, flying headscissors on Lenny, but Bruce is stomping away on Storm in the mean time. Right right right. Scoop...and a slam. Bruce mounts his ass while ramming his head while Lenny mounts the back of his head and rams it repeatedly into the mat. These guys are supposed to be FACES? Lenny with a suplex. Commentators don't seem to be on the same page, so maybe they ARE heels and I just can't figure it out. Lenny with a slow crawl, then rubs chests and drapes a leg over him - 1, 2, no. Right, right, right, right, kiss. Bruce is in - scoop...and a slam. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, right, right right right right right, kiss. Lenny puts Storm into the ropes, reversed, dropkick but nobody's home when Lenny hooks the rope. Lenny applies the Walls of Jericho-alike (which is called the "Tigertamer") - Armstrong keeps Harris from coming in, but when Bruce tries to come in, Armstrong turns his back, so Harris hits a clothesline off the ropes to break it up. Both men are down and the count is on. Both men nowhere near their corner - Lenny actually makes a tag instead of a kiss - there's a HOT TAG TO HARRIS!! Ducks the swing, left, left for Lenny, southpaw clothesline for Bruce, left for Lenny, into the ropes, Austin press and five lefts. Meanwhile, Bruce runs at Storm - dumps him onto the apron - right by Bruce, right by Storm, slides through and under to the floor and then pulls Bruce into the apron! Back in the ring, Harris gets hung up on the top rope - running boot by Lenny - scoop...and a slam, but Harris rolls through to get 2! Backslide gets 2! Gutshot - wants a bodyslam by Lenny goes behind - to the ropes, rollthrough - not really got his shoulders down but Armstrong counts 2 and Harris kicks out - shoving Lenny into a collision with Bruce and Lenny falls backwards into a schoolboy - 1, 2, 3!! (4:48) **1/2 Replay of the tornado DDT, the headscissors by Harris...and a kiss.
TNA Girls again
RICKY STEAMBOAT is in the ring. "Now let me ask you something, has everybody had a good time tonight? Has this been one heck of a show? So, wrestling fans around the world! And here in Huntsvilla, Alabama, let me introduce to you the NEW NWA Heavyweight Champion..." And out comes KEN SHAMROCK. Steamboat doesn't say his name so commentators scream it out for our benefit. He carries the title belt and shows it off to the crowd. Handshake from Steamboat. "You know something ladies and gentlemen, this man right here has now joined the ranks of a very selected few wrestlers in the history of our business, that immortal line of wrestlers that are now - he is now known as the NWA Heavyweight Champion. Dory Funk, Jr., Terry Funk, Ric Flair, Ricky Steamboat, Harley Race, the list goes on and on and on, and you know something, Ken, they can't take it away from you now, etched in stone, it's written in the books, the new NWA Heavyweight Champion." He didn't mention Mike Rapada! "Well this belt right here has a lotta history behind it, that's for sure. And I *will* defend this belt with honour and pride. I have been all over the world, Japan, all over the United States, Puerto Rico, and out of all three organisations that I've been a part of in the mixed martial arts or pro wrestling, I have risen to the top, and it is no different here in the NWA because I am the NWA Champion! And for those of you who stand behind me, I appreciate it, and for those that aren't you can kiss my ass!" Ferrara: "YOU DAMN SKIPPY!" Tenay: "PUCKER UP!" Yikes! But now, a voice interrupts. "ExCUSE me - excuse me. Pardon me." It's REVEREND JAMES MITCHELL. "I do so hate to intrude on this little shmooze party - this little trip down memory lane, but if it were to continue, I think I might vomit. Now if all of these crackers in Huntsville, Alabama would be quiet for a moment...I have an announcement. I'M on a MISSION from GOD! Not YOUR God, but mine. And that is the reason that my agents - my minions, and my Disciples of the NEW Church are going to ensure that my organisation controls the NWA World Heavyweight Championship. Now Ken Shamrock, according to legend, you are the World's Most Dangerous Man - and if that's true, I would like to issue you a little challenge. I dare you to face one of my Disciples of the New Church and put your belt on the line next week! Do you have the guts to put that belt on the line against one of my Disciples, Ken Shamrock? Allow me to introduce to everyone one of my finest Disciples - his name is SLASH!" And out he comes to model his contact lenses. Shamrock laughs. "This is a joke, right? Because, I'll tell you something, uh... instead of making it next week, why don't I just take this belt and lay it right here on the mat, and you can send that FREAK out here to take it from me?" Sneaking up behind him is MALICE. "Mr. Shamrock, I have someone else in mind for you...and his name is Malice." Malice spins him around - ahhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM! Malice continues the choke until Steamboat pulls him off...or *tries* to. He goes right back to the choke. Let's bring out REFS & SECURITY - not much luck there, either. Tenay again sneaks in "the Minister is Sinister!" Finally, Mitchell calls him off. "Malice! Save a piece of his carcass for next week." The music hits. "Might is right....and the meek shall inherit...NOTHING." Replay of the chokeslam.
TNA Girls dance - Ferrara mentions Malice spent a lot more time in the Gauntlet than Shamrock - next week on even ground, Shamrock doesn't have a chance.
LAST WEEK: highlights of the six-man tag featuring X Division folks - somebody finally woke up Don West. Tenay: "Ladies and gentlemen, the X Division is a revolutionary concept in our business. It's not about weight limits - it's about no limits. The most extreme athletes in professional wrestling competing for the championship. It's not often that you have a first in professional wrestling, but tonight we will - the first ever X Division Champion will be crowned - the four man round robin tournament - AJ Styles, Low-Ki, Psicosis and Jerry Lynn - all competing to make history tonight."
TNA Girls dance - Ferrara wants to know why the Flying Elvises aren't in this match despite their win. Tenay agrees, saying that controversy is already swirling in the division despite the fact that the champion hasn't even been decided yet. Yang, Siaki and Estrada are fuming - and maybe they have a point! But the brackets were filled before last week's six man...
NWA X CHAMPIONSHIP: A.J. STYLES
(Atlanta, Georgia - 224 pounds) v.
PSICOSIS (Mexico City, Mexico - 214 pounds) v. LOW-KI (Brooklyn, New York -
210 pounds) v. JERRY LYNN (Minneapolis, Minnesota - 215 pounds) in a double
Low Ki is in with a kick - another kick - and winds up for - yes - no! Styles nips up into a Frankensteiner from his back! Styles with a chop, chop, into the ropes is reversed, back to back over by Styles, waistlock - German suplex is blocked, Ki shakes him off and gives him a brain kick. Chop. Chop. Into the opposite corner, tumbling run into the monkey flip - no, instead of that attempt, Ki leaps onto his shoulders - Styles tries another counter into the Styles Clash just like with Psicosis but Ki falls forward back to his feet. West is already proclaiming this the greatest match he's ever seen. Styles runs but Ki dumps him onto the top turnbuckle, climbs up after him, then grabs a reverse headlock and rides it into a backflip to the mat, STILL bending the neck back and adding an armbar as well - but they're too close to the ropes so Johnson forces a break. Ki with a front face - wants a suplex but Styles picks him up and puts him on the other side of the ropes. Swing is blocked - shoulder through the ropes by Low Ki - pulls his head through and then kicks him up through his chest! Ki climbs up top - backflip with a twist and he lands on his feet, almost, rolling through - blocks a striks from Styles, Styles blocks a kick, Styles with a clothesline that folds him in half. Styles with a German suplex, rolls under and keeps rolling - still has him in the waistlock - thrown down into a wheelbarrow facebuster - 1, 2, 3! (4:23)
Steamboat is in as Lynn immediately bowls over a tired Styles with a lariat. CRADLE PILEDRIVER! 1, 2, 3! - (4:45)
Armstrong is back in, and so is Psicosis - top rope missile dropkick to the back of the head! Psicosis spends a while admiring what he's just done. Chop by Psicosis, into the ropes, Lynn ducks, waistlock, standing switch, Lynn blocks the German suplex, reaches back and manages a snapmare. Leapfrog by Lynn, tilt-a-whirl flying headscissors! Stomp, right, kick, into the opposite corner reversed by Psicosis - but Lynn gets the boot up. Lynn bulldogs him down - 1, 2, no! Psicosis tries a Frankensteiner - Lynn to the ropes, but Psicosis DOES manage to take him over, and down to the floor! Psicosis runs the ropes - TOPE CON HILO! Both men are out on the floor! HA HA BIG DAVE HEAD PASTED ON A SIGN Lynn back in - Psicosis up top - spinning leg lariat - hooks the leg - 1, 2, Lynn kicks out! Psicosis shouts to the crowd - scoops him up - no, Lynn back to his feet - Slop Drop - 1, 2, Psicosis kicks out! Into the ropes, dropkick but Psicosis hooks the ropes and nobody's home. Tenay says Steamboat will officiate the final fall. Psicosis coming to the top - but Lynn meets him with a dropkick on his way down! CRADLE PILEDRIVER!! 1, 2, 3! Psicosis is gone! (7:43)
Low Ki is back in, and so is Johnson. Ki with a big upkick to the chest - 1, 2, no! Scoop...and a slam. Ki off the ropes with a "shades of the Great Muta" elbowdrop - 1, 2, no. Right, right, chop, stands on the neck and Lynn bends back to make it look even more impressive. Ki right, into the opposite corner, boot up on the charge, Lynn to the second rope, but Ki flips into a heel kick - climbs up after him - Frankensteiner! But Lynn rolls through! 1, 2, no! Ki with a quick stomp to regain control. Ki with a "slap my chest" kick - but Lynn catches his second wind! Right hand - no sale! Lynn dares him - Ki with a KICK, no effect. Lynn ducks the next one and lands an enzuigiri of his own. Ki doesn't know where he's at but Lynn can't capitalise. Johnson is up to 7 when both men are back up. Right by Ki, right by Lynn, Ki, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, into the ropes, BIG back body drop, running lariat, another clothesline, Ki in the corner - manages to dump him on apron as he moves in for the kill but Lynn isn't done - his swing is blocked, gutshot by Ki - Ki tries a shoulderblock but Lynn leaps over it, then spins in midair and hits a guillotine on his way to the floor!! Lynn back in - calling for the piledriver once again - but Ki flips forward grabs the right arm and pulls back! Ki down to the mat with a headscissors and armbar - Lynn still on his feet, though, and manages to regain the leverage after clasping his hands - lifting up Ki - POWERBOMBING him down - 1, 2, JUST out before 3!! Crowd thought it was 3. Ki's mouth is bleeding. Lynn brings him up for a suplex, but Ki lands on his feet - gutshot - front face - fisherman suplex coming up - no, still has him up - fishermanbuster? Well, it's all moot - Lynn follows through into a DDT!! Lynn pulls him into a short clothesline. Got him up - CRADLE PILEDRIVER!! 1, 2, 3! Low Ki is OUT! (12:03)
Two men left - Styles, down one decision, is back in - and with Armstrong coming in, they're kind of telegraphing that Styles will take this fall since it's anot Steamboat - that's kind of a suspense killer, but I'll let that go for now. Styles with a discus lariat. Cover - 1, 2, no. Styles picks him up for a powerbomb - but Lynn manages an ungly Frankensteiner (landing on his own head) instead. Styles with a spin heel kick for 2. Chop by Styles. Into the ropes, reversal, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, 1, 2, Styles kicks out. Armstrong gets to 4 before both men are up - oh oh, Tenay said "Testify" again. Lynn runs at Styles but gets dumped on the apron - Styles blocks and strikes - run to the turnbuckle, but Lynn blocks and rams Styles' head there instead. Sunset flip attempt brings Lynn back in - Styles holds onto the ropes, then stomps. Styles outside, back in with a springboard into a twister press - 1, 2, NO! Lynn brought back up - Styles with a chop. Into the corner, into the opposite corner, styles with a backflip off his chest, but Lynn gets up the boot on the charge. Lynn counters the spinebuster attempt with a swinging DDT - 1, 2, Styles kicks out! Armstrong starts the mandatory ten count once again - Lynn isn't up until 7. Lynn tries the suplex - blocked - Styles tries a suplex - Lynn lands on his feet - Styles holds on and hits a hangman's neckbreaker - 1, 2, NO! Lynn shot into the corner. Styles runs at him - well who knows what he was going for, but he ends up on Lynn's shoulders - so Lynn hits a running (don't call it a) Ligerbomb on Styles - 1, 2, NO! Lynn up slowly...wants the cradle piledriver but Styles quickly reverses to a back body drop. Gutshot - wants the Styles Clash - GOT IT! 1, 2, 3! (16:05)
Steamboat comes in for the final fall. Both men are down and out, and Steamboat starts the count. Both men up at 8 - right by Lynn, right by Styles, Lynn, Styles, Lynn, Styles, Styles, into the corner, Lynn up and over but caught on the shoulders - still, he manages to go down the back for a rollup - 1, 2, no! Styles digs in - 1, 2, kickout, Lynn 1, 2, kickout, Styles rolls forward for 2, Lynn counters for 2 - dueling backslides and Styles gets it - 1, 2, no - Lynn swings, but Styles grabs a full nelson, Lynn drops down, hooks the arms and rolls up for 2, and Styles reverses for 2. Double clothesline! Once again, Steamboat starts in the count - the crowd comes alive most for the ten counts, sadly. Both men up at 9 - Styles with a dropkick. Lynn out to the apron and Styles is after him...swing and Lynn ducks - Lynn drops him with a Stunner using the top rope - then pulls him outside. Styles shot into the safety barricade and he hits hard. Lynn slams Styles' head into the apron, then goes in and out to break the count. Styles whipped into the apron - he leaps ONTO the apron, back kick, tries a moonsault but Lynn catches him - but Styles turns it into a Slop Drop on the floor! Both men down for quite a while - Styles is up first and Lynn is thrown back in. Hook of the leg - 1, 2, Lynn shoots the shoulder up! Styles with a chop. Into the ropes, Lynn reverses, Styles ducks the swing, springboard off the second rope - the *quebrada* - Lynn tries to catch him but only succeeds in helping Styles land on his feet - but Lynn reverses to the Slop Drop position for HIM - up and over BEHIND him, hanging up Styles on the top rope!! Lynn grabs him STILL on the top rope, and drives him down with a DDT - 1, 2, NO!! Tenay notes that everyone in the building (including the announceres) is counting along on the falls. Lynn upends him and locks in a reverse Gorry Special (!) and spins - but Styles won't give up -Lynn lets go and Styles lands on his feet - Styles tries to leap into a Frankensteiner but Lynn flings him over his shoulder into a sitout facebuster - 1, 2, NO!!! What do they have left? Steamboat again puts on the count. At 9, Lynn is back up - he grabs Styles - it's time to try the cradle piledriver again - but Styles lands on his feet - gutshot, fireman's carry, over the shoulder into a backbreaker on the knee! Styles clutches his knee but hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO! Styles tries a suplex, but it's blocked - another block - Lynn with a BRAINBUSTER - 1, 2, NO! Lynn should try for another pin but doesn't. Both men back to their feet - Lynn applies a sleeper. Styles down to a knee. Steamboat checks in. Styles back to his feet thanks to two handfuls of hair - Styles drops down with a jawbreaker to break the hold. Styles slowly climbs to the top - too slowly, Lynn is over with a right hand. Another big right from Lynn. Lynn unleashes a third right, then climbs up after him - Lynn on top - SUPERPLEX! Lynn covers and hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO! Lynn clutches his back, but gets back on him - stomp to the head. Elbow, right, Styles slumps over the second rope - Lynn sets him on the top - right hand - climbs up - right, Styles fires back - right, right, shoves him to the centre - Styles to the top floor - twisting forward somersault into a senton! Hooks the leg - 1, 2, 3!!! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new X champion. (25:56) Spotastic, yet quite entertaining - the last two falls carried this match just outside of the standard "indy-style bashing" critique and into "very good" territory. ***3/4 Pyro and streamers from the ceiling - Steamboat presents the title belt to Styles and the celebration is on. All seven falls are replayed. Tenay tells us that Styles' twisting senton is called "the Spiral Tap."
Next week, a one night tournament to crown NWA tag team champions! Also, Scott Hall & Brian Christopher take on Jeff Jarrett & K Krush - count on low blows! And don't forget Ken Shamrock's first NWA heavyweight title defense against James Mitchell's Disciple, Malice in a rematch of the deciding fall of the Gauntlet for the Gold! Will Shamrock only be a two week champion? Tune in next week to find out!
One last look at Styles posing with the belt - credits are up - and we're gone!
Give them credit, the matches got better all night (after you remove - chuckle - "Cheex" from the list) so you couldn't have done better with the material you'd taped. But again...would you pay $9.95 for this? Next week they again lose the benefit of post-production and it'll be interesting to see how/if they make adjustments. And like it or not, I'll be there - so why not come join me?