Same pre-show ad as last week - Jarrett, Shamrock, midgets, girls - hey I *just* figured out that they mention Jarrett BEFORE their world champion. Wotta shock

Opening Credits

Coming to you LIVE from the Unnamed Arena in Nashville, TN 3.7.2, THIS is NWA Total Nonstop Action #3! Hey *there's* some pyro. Crowd chants "TNA" - I think. Your hosts are ASK MIKE TENAY, ED FERRARA and DON WEST - Tenay still opts for the tux while his bookends are competing to see which outfit can sear my eyes closest. Tonight, the first title defenses for Ken Shamrock (Malice) and A.J. Styles (David Young)! Also, the tag titles will be decided in a one night tournament! And in our main event, Scott Hall & Brian Christopher take on Jeff Jarrett & K Krush!

Tenay introduces the president of the NWA, JIM MILLER. He was in Japan and regrets missing the first show, but he thinks he's found some great people to bring to TNA. But first, he presents a trophy to Tenay, welcoming TNA to the National Wrestling Alliance - oh man, I hope that trophy isn't broken on somebody tonight! Miller isn't exactly a riveting presence on screen. Tenay presses him to spill the beans on the surprise. "Well, one of the things as I was over in Japan for about, oh, it was an eight day tour..." I should mention he's already said these exact same words. "I met up with a BIG JAPANESE GUY, about 285 pounds, six foot four, and I think what we're gonna do is next week, right here on TNA, we're gonna have a championship match with a gentleman by the name of Omori." WOW WHAT A SURPRISE actually nobody has *any* reaction to this....so let's head to the ring and JEREMY BORASH...

COWBOY JAMES STORM & CHRIS HARRIS (435 pounds - with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. THE JOHNSONS (led to the ring by Mortimer Plumtree) in a Qualifying match for the NWA world tag team championships
referee: SCOTT ARMSTRONG
Storm does his Smokin' Gunns bang bang. Plumtree has something to say. "The stars are shining bright - the planets are in alignment and tonight, a thousand events culminate in this very moment. It is not the want or need - it is not the need or want (huh?)- it is a God-given divine right that my two servants, Richard and Rod, step into this ring, do my bidding, claim my crown, and gild me in gold - dear hearts and kind people, I give to you MY NWA world tag team champions, the Johnsons!" It's Harris and...one of the Johnsons. Lockup, to the corner, Johnson right, right, right, into the opposite corner, gutshot out, double underhook suplex, cover, 1. Forearm. Into the opposite corner, nobody home, Harris ducks a clothesline, ducks another clothesline, Harris with an armdrag. Left, left, whip is reversed, Harris ducks, Austin press and he gives him six more lefts from the mount. Tag to Storm - right, right, into the ropes is reversed, hiptoss blocked, backslide attempted but Johnson doesn't leave his feet - Storm over the back, ducks a clothesline, flying headscissors off the ropes. Right, right, into the ropes, head down, Johnson grabs a headlock and hits a nice swinging neckbreaker. Tag to the other Johnson. Into the ropes - double hiptoss...well, except they don't let go of him, opting intsead to hold him at the apex and turn it into almost a Bensonhurst bomb, pressing him up and letting him drop. Johnson stomp, stomp, pressed...and tossed. Johnson tag. Suplex coming up - Storm down the back, right, into the ropes is reversed and Johnson hits another armdrag. Johnson tags out - into the ropes, double shoulderblock. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. Head to the buckle - forearm to th eback. Stomp. Stomp. Tag. Storm shot into the ropes, double backdrop and it's all Storm can do to tuck his head and not break his neck. Scooped up - and a slam. Johnson to the second rope...doesn't try anything, so it isn't a surprise when Storm gets two boots to the mush. Storm ducks a clothesline, atomic drop, superick and both men are down. Tag to Johnson, tag to Harris! Duck, left, left, left to the other Johnson, left to the first, back and forth with left hands, finally a forearm from behind turns it back to the Johnsons. All four men in the ring now - Storm ducks a clothesline and clotheslines himself AND Johnson outside. Harris with a spear on Johnson in the ring - whip is reversed but he leaps to the ropes and springs off with a crossbody - Johnson catches him, but Storm dropkicks the pile - leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3! (4:42) ** Plumtree is livid, giving the Johnsons what for - finally, one of the Johnsons grabs him in a choke...but lets him down. Then shoves him to the mat. They walk off, leaving him in the ring to overact.

The TNA GRRRRLS dance - hey, a crawl on the screen listing future events! What a genuinely great idea!

NWA/ECCW - July 4 - Princeton, BC - Princeton Arena NWA Tri-State - July 4 - Parkersburg, WV - City Park Pavilion

CLEAN & SOBER is welcomed to the ring. Hall misses the camera with his toothpick. This is probably as good a time as any to note the new yellow middle ropes - and the "T" "N" "A" turnbuckle covers. As opposed to his Landing Strip T-shirt, this week Hall wears a....I think it says "Genesis Elementary School" on this T-shirt. Huh. Hall has two false stars before getting out "Hey yo." And THEN he doesn't even get anything else out before JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET interrupts. "Hey yo my ass!" EDGY "Scott Hall, nobody wants to see you, nobody wants to hear you, so why don't take you - why don't you take your ass exactly where you came from, *bitch.*" "Jeff Jarrett, you haven't changed a lick. You still talk a lotta smack, but I don't think you can back it up. So, Chico, if you want Scott Hall...don't sing it - ...bring it." "You got it, we ain't gotta wait for tonight, you got it, let's go." But before he gets to the aisle, JIM MILLER blocks his path - which he can do rather easily 'cause he's a big, big guy. "Whoa whoa whoa - whoa whoa whoa - whoa whoa whoa whoa. Whaddaya think you're doin'? This is three weeks now, you think you're gonna run roughshod over the NWA? What are you, crazy? This is our house here, man - you listen to us and if you don't like it, you just turn around and leave now." "Okay, Big Jim, Mr. President, you'll get your wish. I'll take Scott Hall in the main event. Don't worry--" "You'll take him when we TELL you you're takin' him." Huh? "Don't worry, Scott - don't worry, Scott, I'll see you in the main event. President, you got your wish - you got your wish." But from behind, K KRUSH hits the ring and punks out Hall. Right, right, whipping him into the ropes and then putting his head down is probably a mistake - sure enough, Hall goes for the Edge but Krush goes down the back. Ducks a clothesline, crossbody caught - Hall with the fallaway slam. Krush holds his back - Hall clotheslines him out of the ring. Hit his music! I can't wait for tonight's main event!

TNA Girls dance. NWA Hawaii - July 4 Independence Day Celebration - Pearl Harbor, HI - free admission to armed forces members!) Next week, Omori gets a title shot!

GOLDILOCKS is in Storm & Harris' locker room - and finds them covered in red liquid. Bill Behrens makes his weekly appearance, shooing her out of the room before we can figure out that's probably really fake blood

One fall, twenty minute time limit
ANTHONY INGRAM (already in the ring - Nashville, Tennessee - 225 pounds) v. "THE ALPHA MALE" MONTY BROWN (Michigan - 265 pounds)
referee: MARK "SLICK" JOHNSON
We are told Brown (who gains ten pounds by the time Tenay gets around to describing him) has played in two Super Bowls - once with the Bills and once with the Patriots. After dominating the indies in the state of Michigan (wow!), here's here in TNA. "Tennessee - I said Tennessee! The Alpha Male has come and there can only be one. I've come here for one reason and one reason only...that is Ken Shamrock. And he's wearin' what I want, and I'm about to show you how I'm gonna get it. Hits the ring - ducks - left, left, left, right. Axehandle to the back. Forearm, into the corner, exploder out. Forearm in the back, forearm, right, into the opposite corner is reversed - Ingram's gonna get a move - oh, no, the crossbody is caught - up on the shoulder - and powerslammed down. Brown calls for the Alpha Bomb - hey, I bet we're gonna see it. Scoop...up on the shoulder and hey, that's just a powerbomb! 1, 2, 3. How do you like your SQUASH? (1:31) 1/2* I dunno, it's kinda hard to take a serious threat from a guy - ha - named - hahaha - MONTY. Nice tongue stud, but I wouldn't be wrestling with that in MY mouth!

NWA/ECCW - July 5 - Kelowna, BC - Elks Hall
NWA SW - July 5 - "Hotter 'n Hell" Spectacular - N. Richland Hills, TX - Texas Indoor Arena
Coming up, Shamrock vs. Malice!

Goldilocks asks around but nobody's seen Jim Miller. She asks some random guys walking by (with HOT SHOTS on their asses, wheee!) if they've seen him - nope. Finally, Puppet hooks her arm - "I'll give you an interview! A midget wants to talk! Two weeks ago, TNA brings me in and they got these two midgets takin' my limelight - they let them wrestle - well I wanta beat some midget ass! I wanna make a midget bleed tonight! Oh, why don't you bring in that Gary Coleman - Oh wait, what am I talkin' about - he's a hasbeen. Um, how about...Mini Me. Yeah, Mini Me, I'll kick your ass - you're takin' all my money in the movies - or wait, even better , why don't you bring in that drunk midget from the Howard Stern show, what is his name, Beetlejuice? I will wipe the floor with you! I will not leave tonight until I beat some midget ass. I wanna see a midget bleed - and that's a promise!"

RAINBOW EXPRESS (479 pounds - with Joel Gertner) v. LET'S GO BACKSTAGE

Backstage, Goldilocks stands with Buff Bagwell and Apolo. They're the surprise entrants in tonight's tourney-- "Whoa whoa whoa - surprise? Who told you that? Lemme get something straight with you, uh Goldilick? Is that right, Goldilick? Oh, I'm sorry, lock, lick, whatever, um, the bottom line is I'm the six-time world tag team champion with five different partners, okay? And guess what, tonight I plan on making it seven with six partners. Okay? That's why I went out and got the baddest--" "Yeah." "The biggest..." "Yeah!" "The toughest." "Yeah!" "The number two man in the business." "?" "Because I'm the number one man, and that's cool - we got that straight, me and him and number one and number two, right brother? Tell 'em - we're good - tell 'em the story." "Yo like Buff said, like Buff said, tonight we'll become the NWA TNA World tag team champions - because you know why--" "Lemme finish, lemme finish up here - tonight, we're going to be the world tag team champions, I just wanna make 'em understand, the world tag team champions, I want you to watch and see, you watch and see and you will see that Buff Daddy is for real and he's comin' straight atcha with the number two man, come on, big man, let's go - come on."

RAINBOW EXPRESS v. APOLO & BUFF BAGWELL (522 pounds) in the second qualifier in the tag team tournament
referee: Armstrong
If Bagwell was a long-term sign, wouldn't they come to the ring with music that wasn't Apolo's? Bagwell and Bruce start - but first, a big hug and rump slap between the Rainbow Express - hey, get it, they're GAY. Gertner shouldn't wear vertical stripes, he looks like the second referee on the outside. Lockup, side headlock by Bagwell, powered out, shoulderblock by Bagwell. Up and over, hiptoss blocked, Bagwell with a hiptoss - and s pose - so Bruce forearms him in the back. Forearm. Right, right, into the opposite corner, elbow up by Bagwell - springboard Vaderbomb - and antoher pose. Bruce strikes back - there's the kiss tag and Lenny's in. Talk to the hand! Bagwell right, right - did I mention that ALICIA is out and Ed Ferrara is handing her money? No? Well, I have to now because we're not able to watch the match. Back to the ring - um - back to the ring? Apolo with a double clothesline - how'd he tag in, we don't know. Alicia writes in a black book HEY THERE'S A MATCH - Apolo with a slam on Bruce - 1, 2, Lenny tries to break it up but only drops the elbow on his partner. Don't Call It A Ligerbomb on Lenny - 1, 2, apparently both members of the Rainbow Express are legal. Ferrara says he'll tell them later what that was about - well gee, I'm glad we took an extended break from in-ring action to watch it, then. Lenny (who apparently is the REAL legal man) chops away but has no effect - wow, let's watch Alicia walk away! Apolo chops back. Sitout bodyslam. Gertner ankles him, then Bruce hangs him up on the top rope - this allows Lenny a DDT - 1, 2, Apolo kicks out. In the corner, shoulder to the gut, shoulder, shoulder, kiss to Bruce. Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. Right, right, right, right, right, right. Tag (!) to Lenny - Beverly Brothers straddle by Lenny - they switch positions and get the same from Bruce. Lenny drops the elbow - slow crawl to the cover - Apolo tries to slide away but Lenny peppers him with punches. Legdrop. 1, 2, Apolo kicks out. Into the ropes is reversed, Lenny ducks, Apolo ducks - full nelson to a uranage and both men are down. Tag to Bruce - tag to Buff! Bagwell ducks, right for Bruce, right for Lenny, bodyslam for Bruce, right for Lenny, swinging neckbreaker for Bruce, back body drop for Lenny - pose - crossbody for Lenny was probably supposed to take him over the top rope but just looks like a train wreck instead. Apolo decides to come in and punch on Bruce - into the ropes, Bruce ducks and points to his head - but Apolo superkicks him into next week. Up on the shoulder - there's the TKO "Stunner." But Lenny strikes from behind - Apolo ducks, but on the charge Lenny lowers the bridge, taking him outside! Meanwhile, Buff hits the Blockbuster on Bruce - but isn't watching Lenny, who superkicks him and covers for the 1, 2, 3. Lenny wasn't legal but that didn't seem to matter the entire match, did it. (5:49) * Apolo isn't thrilled about the result and takes off. Bagwell does a lot of talking to himself, so Ferrara decides to bring him a mic and eavesdrop. "Buff - Buff Bagwell, you're out here, you're talking - you're talking, and I just wanna know if you want a microphone - if you wanna say anything over the microphone." "Ed, you know my name, it's Marcus. Don't call me Buff no more." "I'm sorry - Marcus. Why do you want me to call you Marcus? You always want everybody to call you Buff!" "Lemme tell you why - because my entire career has been Buff, and you know what I got from that? I got a broken neck that I came back from that nobody gave a shit about. I'm a six-time world tag team champion, and I just got beat by two gay guys. And you're asking me why I wanna be called Buff now? I wanna be called Marcus forever. And you know what else I wanna do right now?" "What's that." "I wanna go home. I'm done." "Wait wait wait, what do you mean you're done? You're just walkin' out?" "I'm tellin' ya that Buff has ruined my career, and I don't want no part o' him no more - I'm Marcus and my ass is going home. Here. Do something with that." And he hands his hat to Ed, presumably to put on Ebay for some quick cash.

NWA Wildside - July 5 - Cornelia, GA - NCW Arena
NWA New Jersey - July 5 - Ocean City, MD - Mid-Atlantic Arena

Borash welcomes to the ring KEN SHAMROCK. He's the World's Most Dangerous man in Short Pants! "I'm kinda confused on what's goin' on here. Monty Brown, wherever you come from, I don't care. You come out here and you have one match in the NWA and you want a title shot against me? I had to go through nineteen men to get my title - nineteen. So Monty, you need to be careful about what you wish for, because you may have a short career here in the NWA. Speaking of title defenses." Shamrock stops to chuckle - presumably at the "What?" chant from the crowd. "I've gotta defend mine here tonight, against Malice. And when I'm done with Malice, I've gotta defend my title against this Japenese punk next week! And after I'm done takin' him apart, then, Monty, if you're so unlucky and you do happen to get a title shot against me, I will be happy to step in the ring and beat you down and send you home with your head shoved up your ass!" Wow, he sure hates black people! The lights go out. In a spotlight is JAMES MITCHELL. "Ken Shamrock! You don't need to concern yourself with Monty Brown. You don't need to worry about Omori. But you DO need to fear Malice!" The lights are back up and Shamrock is down and out - and standing over him is MALICE. He walks away and TNA SECURITY swarms over Shamrock - wow, way to go, where were you guys when Shamrock was getting punked out from behind? EMT's apply the horsecollar...

Backstage, Goldilocks *has* found Bill Behrens for his weekly appearance, who is on the phone - we don't know with whom, but we do hear that they keep putting him on hold. Jerry Lynn is trying to get his attention, but Behrens brushes him off - and also Goldilocks. Wow, that was sure...

PUPPET THE PSYCHO DWARF (Chicago, Illinois - 4'5", 160 pounds) v. TODD STONE (Key West, Florida - 4'9", 125 pounds)
referee: Johnson
Somehow, he loses an inch and ten pounds by the time Tenay gets to describing him - he and Borash should compare notes before *every* show, I'm thinking. "Gimme the microphone! A midget wants to talk!" Aw, but he talked ALREADY "There's been midgets out here doin' their little flippy-dippy, and they didn't have Puppet the Midget Killer killin' the midgets. All I need is a midget in the ring right now. I wanna see some midget blood tonight. You can bring Gary Coleman..." Puppet with the kendo stick, Puppet with the trash can, Puppet with the clothesline, Puppet with the scoop slam onto the trashan, Puppet with the kendo stick to the garbage can with Stone in it, again, four more times, stomp, into the ropes, fireman's carry - TKO onto the garbage can - wait, Apolo already did the TKO tonight - ah 1, 2, 3. (1:56) DUD For an encore, Puppet canes Johnson and Borash....and Don West. Don West no-sells!

NWA East - July 5 - McKeesport, PA - NWA Sportatorium
NWA/ECCW - July 6 - Osoyoos, BC - Elks Hall Ha ha, listen to Ferrara: "Sell that, Don - sell THAT!"

Goldilocks asks the EMT's what's up - they don't know yet. Gee, thanks for taking up my time, then.

Let Us Take You Back To Last Week Where Francine Failed To Win The Battle Royal And Then Had Big Fun With Ed

FRANCINE v. MISS NWA TAYLOR VAUGHN
referee: Armstrong
Tenay sneaks in the plug for Francine - UWF July 19, visit foreverfrancine.com. Geez, if she's Miss TNA, why does she have generic music? Vaughn is the former Papaya, aka the former BB, aka led Bob Holly to divorce and lookit her now! Francine has Ed Ferrara's belt concealed in her kneepad and whips away. Armstrong and Francine have a discussion, during which Vaught swipes the belt from Armstrong and gets in HER licks. Armstrong protests again, and Vaughn belts HIM. So he disqualifies her despite the match having never started...um. (DQ 0:00) N/A Ferrara hits the ring (to get back his belt?) and..hands the belt back to her and raises her arm. Francine moves Ed's hand to her LEFT boobie, completing the pair - then she belts him again. "You put my hand on you!" This segment was a waste.

Borash welcomes HERMIE SADLER & HIS PIT CREW to the stage. After getting the cheap pop, K KRUSH dutifully makes his interruption. "Shut up - stop the damn pressuh right now. Shut it up, zip it and boot it away. Apparently, you don't learn, do ya." TNA SECURITY is right behind but probably too late as usual - and staying behind him so that won't work. "I told you two weeks ago I didn't want to hear a damn thing 'bout no damn NASCAR racecar drivers. Look at me when I'm talkin' to you! I don't give a damn 'bout racecar drivin', and none of these damn idiots give a damn about racecar drivin'! I know you got your ass whooped a lot when you was a kid 'cause you don't listen. You lookin' at me like you wanna DO somethin'. You want some o' me? Do you want some o' me? Make a move! Shut the hell up - I knew he was a chump anyway." Well there's the spear from Sadler and NOW evrybody gets between them - oh oh, there goes a pyro launcher. Wow, this is just like Mike Tyson and Steve Austin only much less successful! Finally, they're pulled apart. "Okay, you sold me on that one. You know what - I got a main event match tonight, I got no time for you. But next week, I'm wide open - do you wanna start with me? Do you want a shot?" "You're damn right I do! Next week...you damn right." Commentators are so agog they talk over whatever he was saying back there.

NWA Wildwide - July 6 - TV taping - Cornelia, GA - NCW Arena
NWA Main Event - July 6 - Columbia, TN - Morton's Sportatorium West says Sadler is standing up for "five hundred million NASCAR fans." That MAY be an exaggeration.

MALICE (challenger - 6'9", 300 pounds - led by Father James Mitchell) v. KEN SHAMROCK (champion - Lion's Den in San Diego, California - 252 pounds) for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship
referee: Johnson
Well, shoot, Shamrock seems fresh as a daisy and isn't holding his neck at all, so...so much for that. Malice gets to stomping as soon as Shamrock tries to come in - there's a hot shot, let's see if he sells the neck NOW! Choke on the top rope - and one more hot shot. Malice outside after him - head to the safety railing. Stands on the neck. Johnson pulls him off and tells him to take it into the ring. Shamrock put in - Malice with a choke from the floor. Malice back in - stomp - stomp - stomp - standing on the neck. Forearm to the chest. Scoop...and dropped on the top rope yet again. Malice with a right to the throat. Second rope choke. Chokehold - climbing to the second rope - then lifting him up by the neck! HEY - Why doesn't he just chokeslam him and win the title? Snapmares him over - off the ropes with a legdrop - 1, 2, Shamrock kicks out. Malice finally grabs the choke - but Shamrock spins into an armbar! Malice manges to shake him off - stomp - stomp. Malice sits on him with another second rope choke. Shamrock tossed outside through the ropes. Malice out after him - he had a chain but decides against it. Head to the commentary table! Dragon Sleeper on the outside - but Johnson won't allow a submission outside the ring. Shamrock back inside - Malice back in. Forearm across the back, forearm, somehow Shamrock scissors the leg and grabs an anklelock - Malice manages to crawl to the rope and get the break. We look at Mitchell and miss whatever Malice did. Death suplex but he just drops him instead. Malice repeats the move. West: "This is the worst beatin' I've ever seen!" Hey Malice, try the chokeslam. Malice with another choke using the top rope. Suplex coming up - Shamrock blocks - blocks again - Shamrock to the gut - again - Shamrock with a snap suplex! Malice right back with a gutshot, another kick, kick, into the ropes is reversed, gutshot by Shamrock, belly-to-belly suplex - 1, 2, 3! Oh, right, that's his move. Hideous. (5:55) *1/4 How can he possibly be at full strength in time for Omori?

NWA Great Lakes - July 6 - Cass City, MI - City Park
NWA Mississippi - July 6 - Magee, MS - NWA Battle Zone Arena

NWA X CHAMPIONSHIP: DAVID YOUNG (challenger - Atlanta, Georgia - with Bobcat) v. A.J. Styles (champion - Atlanta, Georgia)
How come the X title gets graphics but the world heavyweight title doesn't? I notice Young's weight isn't announced, despite the fact that it shouldn't matter because this division isn't about weights, it's about style, yadda yadda yadda. Wow, listen to Tenay put over Alex Marvez just because he said some nice things about the X match last week - I wish *I* had some nice things to say so Tenay could put ME over! "I can tell you that Alex Marvez is not someone who is easily impressed!" Man, Tenay needs to read some more of Marvez' SmackDown! recaps, ha ha ha. Young holds Bobcat's purse while she poses - oh yeah, there's an angle here, I almost forgot. Young punks out Styles from behind and we're on. Right, right, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, duck, Styles over back to back, chop by Styles, elbow, elbow, into the ropes, dropkick. Young hooks the swing into a full nelson but Styles manages a takeover out. Japanese armdrag (damn, I thought it was a Mexican armdrag) - chop - into the ropes, duck, duck, shoulderblock by Young finally stops all that running. Young advances but Styles manages a headscissors takeover from the nip up and Young goes outside. Styles with a tumbling run fakeout - backflip - there's a...well, he completely failed to move forward on his springboard so he ends up giving himself an atomic drop on the apron but still manages an "I meant to do that" clothesline. Back in the ring - leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. I should mention that Bobcat is on her cel phone at ringside - not with me. Young blocks the suplex attempt, but Styles goes down the back to counter Young's - gutshot, forearm, forearm, into the ropes, Young dumps him on the apron. Forearm in the back by Styles. Styles with a springboard, but Young shoves him away in midflight, causing Styles to hotshot himself and tumble to the floor. Young outside - Asai moonsault to the floor! They actually provide a replay in mid-match (wow, $$$) of Young shoving Styles out of the springboard. Back in the ring, 1, 2, no. West: "DAVID YOUNG IS THE BIGGEST GUY WE'VE SEEN IN THE X DIVISION SO FAR!" Styles shot into the ropes, but Styles counters with forearms. Young punches back. German suplex but Styles lands on his feet - gutshot by Styles, chop, into the ropes is reversed, Young ducks the swing and grabs the waistlock - standing switch - another reversal - back elbows by Styles - Young ducks the next one and Styles spins around - Northern Lights suplex into the turnbuckle! Young tries a cover although I think he's in the ropes - 1, 2, no. Replay of the Northern Lights. Coming back to live action and Young throws the right hand. Into the ropes, Styles catches the arm and hits a crucifix for 2. Rollup for 2. Young ducks a kick and kicks the back of his leg - off the ropes, climbs up his leg and delivers a Ghetto Blaster for 2. Bobcat mugs for the camera. Young snapmares him over - there's a headscissors. This is an X resthold, I guess. Young moves to the headlock. Styles elbows out, off the ropes...but into a powerslam from Young - 1, 2, shoulder up. Young with a brainbuster - 1, 2, no. Young goes back to the headlock. Styles back to his feet - elbow, elbow, off the ropes, ducks a swing by Young - superkick! Styles hooks the leg - 1, 2, no! Styles with a chop - whip is reversed, Styles ducks, quebrada doesn't work, caught, but Styles reverses the reversal into a Slop Drop. 1, 2, no. Chop by Styles. Into the ropes, back body drop. Styles with a kick - into the ropes, reversed, Styles ducks, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick is ducked so he chops him. Young put into the ropes, Young slides under - waistlock to a full nelson - spins Styles around and hits the spinebuster! That's his move! I bet he starts yakking with Bobcat now - sure enough, looking at Bobcat and lax on the press - 1, 2, no. Styles sat on top - forearm by Young - climbing up top - Frankensteiner is BLOCKED - so Styles can give him the Styles Clash from the second rope. 1, 2, 3. (8:46) **1/2 There are TENNESSEE TITANS in the audience! Bobcat hits the ring to celebrate. Styles gives her a shove but she shakes it off - what a trooper

We're into repeats on the NWA crawls, so I'll have to go back to dancing girl jokes. Next week, Shamrock vs. Omori, K Krush vs. Sadler, and also a rankings match for the X division - Jerry Lynn, Low-Ki, Elix Skipper, Kid Romeo, Tony Mamaluke and Chris Daniels - I bet the Torch guys are already warming up their four star keys!

Goldilocks is backstage with the Rainbow Express. Lenny: "We're not interested in you - however, you may be interested to know, we know of a place where you can get this mop of yours fixed." Bruce: "Hoo hah!" Gertner: "Sweetness, I have to confess not to have heard a single solitary word that you just said, I'm so taken aback by your beauty. Goldilocks, how come life has to be so damn complicated? Like at the airport, all my toys getting confiscated. You had a question?" She asks who the Express will wrestle tonight. "Yeah, well seeing as though every tag team has either been beaten or is unable to compete, the Rainbow Express get not only the night off, but the NWA World tag team titles. And as for who we're wrestling, I think I might wrestle you, maybe a little gobehind or belly-to-back...you see we're not going out for a confrontation, we're going out for a coronation, 'cause it's my interpretation that the NWA rules and regulations state that if the tag teams have all been beat or are unable to compete, we are the champions, so again, Harris & Storm last week may have slipped in the back door, but in the end, like I said, and we are the champions, my friend." He plants one on her and Lenny & Bruce say "Gross!" They all walk off.

Here they come... but Borash says "The NWA has ruled that they must have opponents for this finals match - so introducing their opponents...

NWA TAG-TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: RAINBOW EXPRESS (with Joel Gertner) v. A.J. STYLES & JERRY LYNN
referee: Johnson
Styles tries to give us "fatigue" but golly, he should just be warmed up! Pier Four to start - Lynn turns it around against Lenny, then dumps Bruce over the top onto Lenny. Lynn with a pescado on both men! Lynn with a right on Lenny, right for Bruce, then holds them both up for Styles to come over the top with a twisting splash. We take a replay of that, then come back to see Bruce ramming Styles into the safety rail. In the ring Lynn right, right, Lynn ducks and Lenny grabs a waistock - Lynn blocks - Lenny with forearms - another block - reversal - Lenny starts grinding so Lynn lets him go - off the ropes, Lenny ducks, but Lynn hits a flying headscissors. Drop toehold into the second turnbuckle - Lynn threatens a broncobuster - but stops short and opts for stomping instead. Bruce in and Lynn gives him a drop toehold into Lenny's crotch - then uses Bruce's head to low blow Lenny repeatedly. Stomp on Lenny. Lynn going up top - Gertner tries to distract him and succeeds. Lenny with a shot - brings him in the hard way - stomp - and kiss tag. Bruce with a stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Bruce rams Lynn's head into the apron. 1, 2, no. Bruce with two handfuls of hair - into the corner is reversed - Bruce dumps Lynn on the charge - right - tries a shoulder but Lynn jumps, then drops the leg on the way down. Back in, 1, 2, no. Stomp by Lynn. Here's a tag to Styles - let's see if he's tired. Open gutshot. Chop. Into the ropes, viscera kick, also managing to land on his head on the way down. West: "I'M TELLING YOU HE'S SUPERMAN BATMAN AND SPIDERMAN ALL ROLLED INTO ONE!" 1, 2, no. Tag to Lynn - held open for the kick. Lynn with a right hand. Kick, kick, right, whip into the opposite corner is reversed - but Lynn gets the boot up on Bruce's charge, then bulldogs him down. 1, 2, Lenny breaks it up. Lynn throws Bruce's head to the buckle. Into the ropes, reversed, Lynn ducks and grabs a waistlock - Gertner gets Johnson's attentionand Bruce's trick knee acts up behind his back. Tag to Lenny. Lynn manages a jawbreaker. Lenny ducks the swing, Lynn drops down, rollup, 1, 2, no. Right hand by Lynn, into the ropes, dropkick but Lenny hooks the ropes. Lenny with the Tigertamer - Styles decides he'd better come in and break it up. Bruce comes in without a tag - right hand, right, scoop...and a slam. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, kiss for Lennty, held open for the kick. Lenny with a delayed ... delayed ... delayed ... delayed suplex. Lenny showing off - now making the luscious crawl for the cover - 1, 2, no. Lenny with punches in bunches - and a free shot for Styles on the apron as well. Tag to Bruce - forearm in the back by Bruce - right, kick, kick, into the opposite corner, Lynn up and over with the crosslegged rollup - 1, 2, no! Bruce ducks the swing - gobehind - back elbows by Lynn, standing switch, broken up, forearms by Lynn, into the ropes, Bruce ducks, springboard sunset flip by Bruce - doesn't happen, Lynn drops the knees, 1, 2, reversed, 1, 2, no. Lynn ducks off the ropes, right, into the ropes, but Bruce spins into a wheelbarrow facebuster - 1, 2, NO! Bruce hits the chinlock. Styles tries to rile up the crowd and manages a pretty decent response. Bruce puts the leg over the neck, head scissors with pelvic thrusts applied. You know, I have a funny feeling Lynn won't submit. Lynn finally kicks out - but misses an elbowdrop. Bruce motions for the piledriver - here it comes - no, reversed by Lynn but Bruce forearms him down. He's going to try again - No, Lynn flips out, gutshot, HE wants the cradle piledriver - but Bruce backdrops out of THAT attempt - Lynn rolls to a cover - 1, 2, no! Lynn up and over - DDT! Both men are down. Lynn crawls to his corner as Bruce tags in Lenny - HOT TAG TO STYLES! Clothesline by Styles! Clothesline! Into the ropes, reversed, Frankensteiner by Styles gets 2! Superkick! Clothesline! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, Bruce breaks it up! Lynn back in and stomping away on Bruce - meanwhile, Styles leapfrogs over Lenny but Lenny grabs a full nelson, to a wheelbarrow, to the Stroke by Lenny (!) - 1, 2, Lynn breaks it up! Lynn with the cradle piledriver on Lenny! Bruce tries a clothesline but Lynn ducks - Lynn with a Frankensteiner that takes both men over the top to the outside - meanwhile, Styles is up top - SPIRAL TAP! Yikes, very sloppy landing but I still think it'll be enough - 1, 2, 3! Styles thinks double gold rules! (12:23) *** Wow, these guys get more pyro than the show opener had. Is Lynn unhappy he didn't get the pin? But he wasn't the legal man in the frist place-- oh, wait, they hug. Well all right.

Those TNA Girls are just wasting away in those cages

We rush to the back to see TNA Security running....they find Jim Miller - OH GOD HIS BELLY - anyway, he's hogtied up a la Dennis Knight with "FU" written on his tumtum. Goldilocks is ... appalled?

Let Us Take You Back To Last Week When Those Dastardly Racecar Drivers Done Crotched K Krush - Also, Toby Keith Done Interfered In A Different Match

Your NWA Total Nonstop Action Main Event of the Evening
K KRUSH (Charlotte, North Carolina - 252 pounds) and JEFF JARRETT (Music City, USA - 238 pounds) v. BRIAN CHRISTOPHER (Memphis, Tennessee - 232 pounds) and THIS IS SCOTT HALL (252 pounds)
referee: Armstrong
Camera almost misses Jarrett's pyro shots - hey, those are expensive mistakes to make! Pier Four brawl to start - Hall and Jarrett, Christopher with Krush. All four men end up outside - Hall with a right on Jarrett - they're out through the crowd now - Christopher and Krush in a different part of the crowd. Hall takes Jarrett to a TNA Grrl cage - and now they're IN it - Hall runs him into the cage - right, right, Krush and Christopher are...walking around, I guess. Hall runs Jarrett back to the floor over the barricade. Krush and Christopher are back in the ring - I guess Hall ran Jarrett into the table but we missed it. Christopher with a back body drop on Krush - he gets funky - he lands a superkick. Christopher with the goggles on - Hall with another right hand on Jarrett - hip hop drop coming up - NObody home! Krush tosses Christopher out but Hall's back in - right hand, into the ropes, hiptoss blocked, gutshot by Krush, leg on the neck, flippy flippy - but ends up on the wrong end of Hall's chokeslam. Hall fails to get his Giant imitation off before Jarrett's back in with a forearm in the back - right, "suck on alll this" to the crowd, into the ropes, reversed, Jarrett slides under, Hall with a right. Into the corner, Jarrett up and over, right hand by Jarrett. Right. Right hand. Into the opposite corner is reversed and Hall lands a clothesline. At least these guys are much faster than last week. Tag to Christopher - Ten Punch Count Along (with breakdance routine interlude) - Christopher in the dance - but Jarrett's long gone on the leap into the corner and Christopher crotches himself. Hall gets the tag - free shot for Krush, right for Jarrett, right, into the ropes, reversed and Hall collides with Christopher - then knocks heads with Jarrett on his way back in. Everybody down - Jarrett tags to Krush. Krush to the top rope - missile dropkick! Krush flips off the crowd instead of going for the pin. Krush off the ropes - flying fist while leaping over him - 1, 2, Hall kicks out. Right hand. Tag to Jarrett - Jarrett right, right, right, taunting Hall and asking the crowd how do they like him now. Into the ropes, reversal by Hall, head down, swinging neckbreaker by Jarrett, 1, 2, no. Tag to Krush - boot to the head by Krush, right, right, into the ropes, flying heel kick. Leg is hooked after a crowd taunt, 1, 2, no. Tag to Jarrett - Jarrett going up top - crossbody lands but Hall rolls through - 1, 2, no! Jarrett with a clothesline and HE gets 2. Right hand by Jarrett. Taunts. Right. Right. Hall fires back with a right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Jarrett with the sleeper! Christopher is screaming for a tag but Hall is out. Hall manages to reverse the sleeper into one of his own, but Jarrett quickly hits a jawbreaker out. Jarrett with a death suplex. Armstrong starts the ten count - then stops after nine even though Jarrett can only manage a crawl. Jarrett's at the wrong corner - Krush tries to bring him back the right way, but Christopher meets him on the apron and grabs some cornrows. Armstrong breaks THAT up - Christopher and Armstrong argue, but unfortunately Hall is reaching for a tag and nobody's there. Krush pulls Hall away JUST as Christopher gets back (hmmm). Gutshot by Krush, off the ropes with a charismatic axe kick. Krush with a little dance, then stands over Hall to grab a chinlock. Hall manages to get back to his feet - lift Krush on his shoulders - and fall back with the electric chair! Both men are down and the count is on again. Hall going to the wrong corner - now he's spotted him - but too late as Jarrett is in - into the ropes, Hall ducks, Hall with a double clothesline! NOW will he make the tag? Christopher does the American Males clap but it's not helping...wait - NOW! HOT TAG! No, Christopher pulls his hand away. Ohhhh - and then he pops Hall one! Hall turns back, ducks a swing from Jarrett, atomic drop and Jarrett runs into Armstrong. Hall with the second wind, punch for Krush, for Jarrett, for Krush, for Jarrett, for Christopher (!), for Jarrett, for Krush, Christopher climbing up so Hall brings him in the hard way, clotheslines him down, into the ropes, brought up and down on his keister - gutshot for Krush - The Edge is coming up - EDGE ON KRUSH! Jarrett finally up from behind - forearm. Into the ropes, head down - Hall wants the Edge but Christopher kicks Hall - Jarrett with the Stroke - Christopher puts on the goggles and gives Hall the Hip Hop Drop - Hall covers as Armstrong comes to - 1, 2, 3. (11:41) **1/2 Krush wants Christopher to give him some - and he does! There's a hug and I guess we've got ourselves a heel turn. Jarrett's got THE STICK: "Scott Hall, I proved my point tonight! You ain't worth a SHIT. I beat your ass in '95, I beat your ass in '97, I ran your ass outta WCW, the boys up north ran you up outta the WWF, and I'm gonna singlehandedly run you outta the NWA." Stomp. Jarrett with the KO right. Hall goes outside. "Scott Hall, you're just like all the other legends in the NWA - you ain't worth a damn. Mike Tenay, you can take that to President Jim Miller, you can take that to Harley Race, Dory Funk, and all their tradition." Jarrett takes the NWA TNA trophy and smashes it over Hall's head - finally! One more trophy shot leaves him laying. Armstrong calls out the REFS and the EMTs. "Bring 'em all out here! You can bring Toby Keith, yeah I'll put his ass on a stretcher too. You can bring Sterling Marlin - *I* personally will whip the entire Titans offensive line. Scott Hall, I'm runnin' your ass clean out of the NWO - NWA, if it's the last thing I do. The boys up north ran you out of the NWO, I'm running you out of the NWA." Jarrett leaps off the apron with an elbowdrop to Hall, taking him off the stretcher. "You can mark this down in your damn book - I got screwed the first night of TNA, and I'll be damned if I'm ever gonna let that happen again. Toby Keith thinks he's got a fight with Peter Jennings, I'll shove Peter Jennings up his ass!" Well. "Scott Hall don't you ever forget who did this to you." I have a feeling he won't let us forget. Jarret outside and shoving Hall's stretcher off the ramp again! Jarrett says some more stuff. "I will prove once and for all that on the premiere episode Jeff Jarrett shoulda walked up the NWA World Heavyweight Champion."

The trophy pieces have been strategically placed on the announce table as Tenay reminds us of what's coming up next week. The Flying Elvises return!

Jarrett's out again! We're already about ten minutes over but Jarrett rams the gurney onto Hall - wait, credits are up and we're out at 7:57.

I'm already late for my 4th of July vacation - I'll be back with SmackDown! on Monday!