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NWA Total Nonstop Action





PLEA: I'm looking for a good quality copy of the first four shows on an 8 hour tape. Can you help? Buy or trade, email me

OLD BUSINESS: Last week, I forgot to mention that Jim Miller's chyron said JIM WILSON but I'll note it now. HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

BLATANT PLUG: Hey, my brother recapped this show! I don't know why but it's pretty good! Go check it out at okay!

THE ARGUMENT AGAINST SNOWFLAKES: More than a few of you were intrigued that I included the dreaded star ratings starting with my NWA TNA #1 report. I did it because I'd never done pay-per-views before, but because they're not as widely seen, they *can* be helpful to at least indicate the kind of workrate you had the chance to pay for. Also, I wanted to see if I could give out ratings with any credibility. Here now is a chart of how four people saw the first NWA TNA card - we can decide together:

Flying Elvises vs. Low-Ki/Styles/Lynn**1/2**3/4***3/4***
Teo vs. Hollywood***no rating
Johnsons vs. Psicosis/Storm***3/4*1/2*
York & Matthews vs. Dupps*1/2*1/2DUD1/2*
Shamrock vs. Malice
(included Gauntlet for the Gold?)

So actually, I have no idea what that tells you. It looks like I'm more likely to see everything as closer to average (nothing above *, nothing below **1/2)

We lost some folks with the second show, but I was closest to Wade on Show #1 anyway - let's see what we have here:

Hall vs. Jarrett*1/2**
Cheex vs. Parker-*DUD
K Krush vs. Christopher***3/4
Lingerie Battle RoyalN/AN/A
Apolo vs. Young**1/4*
Rainbow Express vs. Harris/Storm**1/2(1)
X Championship 4Way double elimination***3/4****1/4 (Dave: ****1/2)
(1) no rating given (but review said "decent tag action")

Well, the jury's still out - not bad, I'd say...but maybe I better rewatch that Apolo/Young match when I get a chance.

Same ad as last week - Jarrett, Shamrock, midgets, girls. Looks like they'll run this one ALL MONTH

Opening Credits

Whoops, another pesky pre-show countdown makes it to air - they're two for four! Hit the PYRO - we're off and away again, coming to you LIVE from the TNAdome in Nashville, TN 10.7.2, this is NWA Total Nonstop Action #4! Tonight's main event - a six-man rankings match in the X Division! But let's start right away...

SLASH & TEMPEST (challengers - 480 pounds - with Father James Mitchell, representing the Disciples of the New Church...and Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. A.J. STYLES & JERRY LYNN (champions - commentators talk over ring intro)

Chyron says "Father James Mitchell (w/ Disciples of the New Church)" - do you really want to be putting over the manager instead of the wrestlers? Wow, this is a long, LONG set of clips from the tag team tournament. Commentators talk all over ring announcer JEREMY BORASH in move reminiscient of late-stages WCW. Tempest is Devon Storm, by the way. I think they changed his name because they didn't want any more "Are Devon Storm & James Storm related?" jokes. (Probably not.) Okay! Lynn will start with Slash - Slash runs at him, Lynn ducks, right, right, duck, duck, right, Slash to the eyes. Side headlock - gutshot by Lynn, powers out, shoulderblock by Slash. Slash with a pose - but nobody home on the elbowdrop. Gutshot by Lynn, right, whpi is reversed, Lynn goes behind, Slash counters, Lynn on his shoulder...running powerslam countered as Lynn shoves him into the corner. They run to the opposite corner - Lynn is up and over, gutshot, Acid Drop gets Lynn 2. Lynn on the shoulders - right, right, but Slash counters the 'rana - unfortunately he tries a powerbomb and YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB LYNN for 2. Tag to Styles - free shot, into the ropes, drop toehold by Lynn, Styles with a somersault senton for 2. Slash to the eyes, tags out to Tempest. Lockup, gobehind by Styles, back elbow by Tempets - big waistlock takedown - hey mat wrestling! Tempest with a headlock, Styles reverses to a wristlock - to their feet - Tempest scoops him up - and there's a slam. Styles hits the nip up 'rana, big arm drag, side kick, kick, kick, kick is caught, enzuigiri is ducked but Styles still hits a mule kick for 2. Arm wringer by Styles, Tempest rolls through and nips up, reverses, and yanks on the arm, taking him facefirst to the mat. Right, right, big right by Tempest. Side headlock - grinding it in...Styles powers out but Tempest hits the shoulderblock. Into the ropes, leapfrog by Styles, drop toehold takes Tempest sliding under the ropes to the floor. Styles with a...tumbling run, bouncing off the ropes from the handspring. Well, it was pretty, but it did nothing. Tempest to the apron - blocks a punch and hot shots Styles - springboard into a press - 1, 2, no! Tempest with a chop, chop, headbutt, open-handed slap returned by Styles - chop, right, into the opposite corner but Tempest gets the elbow up - second rope - leaps over him and hits a headscissors takeover on the way down - wow! Clothesline by Tempest. Looks like they're keeping Lynn out of this match so he can do more in the main event? Chop by Tempest. Chop. Powerbomb - nope - Styles to his feet - chop, chop, gutshot - piledriver is blocked, blocked again, Tempest with a backdrop but Styles lands on the apron. Springboard dropkick by Styles! Slash in without a tag - gutshot by Styles, into Tempest, monkey flip out for Slash - *Lynn* in without a tag, gives Tempest a forearm smash, Lynn and Styles run Tempest into Slash, then give a double clothesline to Tempest. Slash into the ropes, double leg kick sends Slash flying into a dropkick on Tempest, taking him out to the floor! Wow, lucha! Double clothesline takes Slash outside and maybe it's trainwreck time - Styles with a pescado but he's caught - so Lynn goes out with a somersault onto the pile! Somehow Slash manages a gutshot - but then we miss whatever happens by taking a replay. When we come back, it's a bit of a Pier Four on the outside - no, Lynn's back in. Styles on the apron - Tempest pulls him off and his head hits the mat on the way down - Tempest ducks a punch, but Lynn leaps over the shoulder and twists into a guillotine. Lynn holds Tempest over the second rope - Styles with a quebrada from the apron into the ring! But only gets 2. Lynn back to his corner as Tempest is sent in, whip is reversed and Slash grabs Styles' ankle. Styles turns round, Slash tries a hot shot but Styles shoves him to the floor...but when Styles turns back, Tempest catches him in a Spicolli driver! 1, 2, NO?! Whoa. Styles into the ropes, jumpin' back elbow by Tempest. Tempest applies the chinlock - or rather, digs the claws into the face - Johnson forces the break of the hold. Tempest with the tag - Slash with a free shot, then Styles is rammed repeatedly into the turnbuckles. Double chokeslam - 1, 2, no! Styles up on the shoulder - helicopter slam! Into the ropes, dropkick misses when Styles grabs the rope. WOW Catapult into Tempest - then a clothesline for Slash as he stumbles back! Lynn would really like that tag - you can tell we're buildling to the hot tag...because Ed Ferrara is talking about why the Disciples got the title shot instead of Storm & Harris. Sheesh, work on your timing, Ed. Tag to Tempest, HOT TAG to Lynn! Back body drop! Clothesline! Clothesline! Clothesline for Slash! Into the ropes is reversed, but Lynn manages a tornado DDT! Tempest with a superkick. Into the ropes, body scissors by Lynn, into a bulldog headlock takedown, 1, 2, no! He's signalling for the cradle piledriver - Slash tries to save, but Johnson stops him - but while his back is turned, Tempest gives him an uppernut. Lynn sat on top - chop, big kick, climbing up to go for the Frankensteiner - but Lynn blocks and hits a second-rope clothesline - 1, 2, no! Tempest has him on his shoulder to counter the whip but Lynn evades the Death Valley Driver, shoulder in the gut, got him up - CRADLE PILEDRIVER! Slash is in with a kick - Lynn upends him to the floor but Styles sneaks in a tag - climbing up top - spiral tap! 1, 2, 3! Champs retain! (10:35) *** This actually gets more pyrotechnical enhancement than the opening of the show. Just like last week, Lynn does a confused look Styles' way, presumably about Styles getting the pin - but this week, the commentators actually notice it and remark!

The TNA GRRLZ dance in their cages and Tenay asks us to support the members of the National Wrestling Alliance!

NWA/ECCW - 12 July - Hope, BC
NWA Wildwide - 12 July - Cornelia, GA - NCW Arena
NWA/ECCW - 13 July - Vancouver, BC

Your hosts are ASK MIKE TENAY, ED FERRARA & DON WEST. Last week, we saw heinosity perpetrated upon Scott Hall by Jeff Jarret, K Krush and Brian Christopher. Tenay promises to interrupt with Hall on the phone as we are taken back

Let Us Take You Back To Last Week. Wow, another long, long set of clips even before we get to the part where Hall is supposed to speak! Ah, and now, "live via phone" is Scott Hall. "Hey yo - Scott Hall here with a newsflash for Brian Christopher, K Krush and especially you, Jeff Jarrett. Now last week ya left me laying. I was carried out on a stretcher. You beat me up good. That's nothing new to Scott Hall...but you didn't do enough. See, where I come from, it's not how many times you go down, it's how many times you get up. And I'm up and comin' after you. And Christopher, I'm startin' with you, and after you're done, K Krush, you're next - and Jarrett, I'm saving you for last. I got something special for you. I'm gonna enjoy that one the most." Then they immediately play the dial tone and then busy signal - well that's kinda cheesy.

BRIAN CHRISTOPHER hits the ring while the commentators talk about how it all makes sense now - I ain't exactly buying what they're selling, especially since it seems like he only got mad after the unintended collison, but oh well. Let's listen in...and please ignore the crowd saying "What?" "You know, there comes a time in everyone's life where you make a transition from a child to an adult. You make a transition from a a man. And that's what I've been labelled all my life - I've been labelled a child. Better yet, I've been labelled Jerry Lawler's son. You know, growin' up right here in Tennessee I've lived my entire life in Jerry Lawler's shadow. There's even people out there that say the only reason Brian Christopher is in the wrestling business is because The King got him in. Well tonight, and all those people, I say BULLSHIT. After fourteen years of me being in the wrestling business, I can finally say SCREW Jerry Lawler. Hey - none of you were there! None of you walked in my shoes! None of you were me growing up. None of you know what a great father Jerry 'the King' Lawler was because he was never a father at all. Never! All I wanted was somebody to look up to. But every time I looked up, he was never there. NOW...all that's gonna change, and all that changed last week at the expense of 'Ay Yo' Scott Hall. Because last week, Brian Christopher kicked some ASS...and then he rode off into the sunset never to be heard of again. Finally! It feels good - I can finally say what's on my mind. I can finally tell Jerry Lawler he can go to hell. Things are gonna change around here. It's always been about The King - it's always been about him. What kind of father was he? I'll tell you what kind - he was never there! He was never there when I needed him. He always spent too much time - givin' too much time to the wrestling business. He was always givin' Vince McMahon all of the attention he should have been giving ME. Well I'll tell you what, from now on, it's gonna be all about me. It's gonna to be done my way, the way I want it, and I am gonna make myself famous. From now on, no longer am I Jerry's kid. From now's all about Brian...Lawler." That speech was a little repetitive, he's just started a feud with a guy not in the federation, and his speech was a little repetitive.

BRIAN CHRISTOPHER (Memphis, Tennessee - 240 pounds) v. SCREAMIN' NORMAN SMILEY (London, England - 245 pounds)
Smiley again opts for the powder blue - Lawler right, right, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Into the ropes, reversed, Lawler kicks - then whips his head back to the mat. Neckbreaker. Into the ropes, Smiley ducks - Smiley with a dropkick! Dropkick! Into the ropes, reversed by Lawler, shoulderblock by Smiley - up and over, leapfrog by Lawler but Smiley is waiting - scoop - swoop - slam! West: "Do it for Jerry!" Ummm...okay. Into the ropes, Lawler slides under, Smiley puts up a hand and stops him - then starts a wiggle! Lawler's mad about that - Smiley ducks the swing - atomic drop by Smiley - another atomic drop! Smiley does Lawler in the butt and smacks him up like a bitch! But Lawler is right back, reversing to a gutshot and DDT. "Jerry's kid" gets really loud - if Herb Kunze were watching this match, I think he might say that Jerry Lawler is the most over man in this match, but I won't. Smiley shot into the corner...running shoulderblock by Lawler. Lawler starts a Too Sexy strut. Lawler chokes Smiley with his bandana for 4. Smiley to the opposite corner - Lawler riles up the crowd and lands ANOTHER running shoulderblock. Smiley back to the first corner - Lawler wins up...and shoulders the post! Smiley with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right, right, winds up his head - headbutt! Into the ropes, back elbow by Smiley, off the ropes with a clothesline, 1, 2, Lawler kicks out. Right to the body by Smiley, right to the face, climbing to the second rope - Ten Punch Count Along gets to nine...but Lawler sneaks in an uppernut (2 for 2) while Armstrong is trying to get a break. Lawler goes up top, dons the goggles - then tosses the goggles to the floor in anger, hits the Probably-Back-to-calling-it-an-Alabama-Jam legdrop for the 1, 2, 3. Best kind of plate of SQUASH. (4:46) ** Lawler gets the mic post-match: "Hey yo! Scott Hall - I hope you were watchin', because punk, you're next on Brian Lawler's list." As far as I noticed, Smiley hasn't screamed once yet in TNA.

Backstage, GOLDILOCKS catches up to Jeff Jarrett asking Bill Behrens when his title shot is tonight - Behrens says he doesn't have a shot, and in fact, he doesn't have a match tonight. He suspects Jarrett was the man who hogtied President Jim Miller, and if he can prove it, he'll be suspended. Jarrett grabs his nuts and says "Suspend THIS, *bitch!*" Meanwhile, this whole time, Mitchell's voice has been coming from behind a nearby door - sounding like he's been chewing out the Disciples and promising punishment.

THIS IS K-KRUSH hits the ring. Let Us Take You Back and detail this feud over the past three weeks. Clips are looooooooooooong this week. And now, he's got the mic for a fuhthuh filibustuh! "You know what...this is the LAST damn time I come to Trashville, cause y'all assholes don't know how to respect good talent when you see it!" Crowd finds a stereotypical Southern redneck fan shouting her fat head off - I am very surprised she's wearing a NWO shirt and not a NASCAR. "It's just like I said, time and time again - you can take that NASCAR book and shove it where the sun dont shine, punk." Tenay: "K Krush making friends with the ringside fans..." Looks like they've been handing promotional Sadler pix to the fans. "After I kick this NASCAR drivin' ass, any of you fans out there that's NASCAR fans I'll kick your asses too. You know what - you better put that damn sign down now before I come put it in your ass. Respect me!" A beverage sails in and hits him at this point. You throw some more stuff in the ring and I'm gonna come out here and personally kick yo ass. Respect me for being in this ring right now!"

Special Challenge Match
K-KRUSH (Charlotte, North Carolina - 240 pounds) v. WINSTON CUP DRIVER HERMIE SADLER (Emporia, Virginia - 175 pounds - with pit crew)

referee: Johnson
Did you know that Hermie and Angie Sadler are listed in the Emporia, VA white pages? You do now! (Please don't go to their house - that's called "stalking.") Well, here we go. Staredown - poke in the chest, shove by Krush, Sadler shoves back. Slap by Krush, slap by Sadler. Gutshot by Krush, right, right. "How you like that, huh?" Into the ropes, Sadler hooks them and stands fast. Krush comes at him with a side kick and Sadler steps aside - Krush crotches himself! Sadler with a shouldertackle and Krush is out to the floor! Sadler outside to the apron - call it an axehandle to the floor (why not?), Sadler in a mount - right, right, right, right, right, right, right - stomp. Krush to the eyes to turn it back around. Right by Krush. Big choke. They head to a post - this means Sadler will duck - yep, Krush punches the post. Gutshot by Sadler, forearm, forearm, back in the ring and I'm shocked - Sadler with a kick. Sadler to the second rope for a Ten Punch Count Along! Shoved facefirst to the mat. Salder HOOKS THE LEG! 1, 2, no! Krush reverses a whip - knee in the gut - off the ropes with the AXE KICK and Krush earned that bicep kiss. Krush with some charismatic dancing and pelvic thrusts. ONE FINGER PIN - 1, 2, Sadler rolls the shoulder. Krush with more of a press - 1, 2, no. I have no idea what the crowd's chanting here but I'm sure it's really amusing in Tennessee. Krush with a suplex. Lax cover and Sadler rolls the shoulder up again. Krush argues with Johnson. Scoop...pelvic thrusts...running powerslam. ONE FINGER PIN - 1, 2, NO! Krush is getting quite annoyed. Krush grabs a leg - ohhh figure four! Krush goes ahead and grabs the ropes - the pit crew does nothing but whine. Oh no, Sadler reverses the figure four. Krush grabs the rope immediately. Hold broken, Krush with a right - into the ropes, Sadler ducks, Krush tries a 'rana but I don't think Sadler knows how to take that, so he powerbombs Krush instead. Both men down. Sadler puts an arm over him - 1, 2, NO!! Bad timing as they take the wide shot just in time to catch two women leaving to grab a beer. Sadler into the ropes, he hooks the ropes and Krush comes up empty on the dropkick. Sadler with a forearm in the back, four more in the back, Krush with a double leg takedown, cover, feet on the ropes, 1, 2, 3. That was better than it had any right to be, actually. (5:07) *3/4 Pit crew is livid, but not enough to engage Krush in physical contact. Krush isn't down - big right hand, stomp, stomp. The pit crew pull him out of the ring...and now Johnson raises *Sadler's* hand - it seems he's suddenly reversed his decision. Oh MAN, I take back everything good I said about this match.

Backstage, Omori does some Hindu squats...until Alicia appears and takes a wad of cash from him.

TNA Girls dance while Borash makes the next introduction and the commentators talk over all this. Yikes. NWA crawl is the same as earlier

BRISCOE BROTHERS (Mark & Jay - already in the ring - 426? pounds) v. HOT SHOTS (Cassidy [O'Reilly] & Chase [Stevens] - Panama City, Florida - 412 pounds)
referee: Armstrong The Hot Shots, we saw walking around last week. It's Mark (I think) starting with Cassidy (I think). Lockup, gobehind by Cassidy, reveresal to a wristlock by Briscoe, roll and nip up by Cassidy - reversed to an armbar, but Briscoe hits a Northern Lights - Cassidy with a headscissors but Briscoe is out and they're both up. Into the ropes, armdrag by Brisco, head scissors, kickout. Japanese arm drag by Cassidy - then they suddenly both stop so they can look at each other in fighting stance in the hopes that the crowd will applaud them. I've learned that's a big "indy" spot so now I'm sharing it with you. Looks like we'll get tags here. Chase ducks, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversal, slide under by Chase, shoulderblock by Jay - off the ropes, up and over, forearm smash. Off the ropes but into a spinebuster from Chase - Mark got a blind tag in there, so he comes in with a missile dropkick that barely connects but Stevens sells it like he's dead. Mark runs in and Stevens upends him to the floor. They dare Jay to run at them, so he does - so the press him over the top rope and over onto Mark. I don't know how he managed a somersault, but he did. This is the train wreck spot, so here come the Hot Shots off the ropes - O'Reilly with a tope simultaneous with Stevens' somersault plancha! The Hot Shots still on their feet - all four men back in the ring - right by O'Reilly, chop, forearm, forearm, AHHHH FUCK YOU it's THE DISCIPLES OF THE NEW CHURCH - Malice with a spinebuster on Stevens to ring the bell (DQ 2:10) N/A - the Briscoes send O'Reilly into a big boot, thinking Malice is on their side - but then he double clotheslines them. Chokeslam for you, chokeslam for you (somebody decides to blow up some pyro to make it louder - all three commentators crap their pants) - Tempest, Slash and Mitchell are content to watch from the floor. Man, some people never learn. I hope Sid and his walker - and a deadly giant bag of popcorn are on their way to deal with this threat. Hell, might as well listen to Mitchell. "Vengeance is MINE." Man, I thought Vengeance was the next World Wrestling Entertainment spectacular, coming this month to a pay-per-view outlet near you arrrrgh "So sayeth Me. Now we are not leaving this ring tonight until the blood of Ken Shamrock is on the hands of Malice. So Ken Shamrock, the way I see it, you have two options. You can either a) come to the ring and face annihilation like a man - or b) stay in the back like the coward that you are and be responsible for the bloodshed of innocent victims, because I assure you that Malice will pulverize each and every person in this arena until you answer his challenge! So, you have exactly ten seconds, oops time's up. Gentlemen, time for the ultra violence. Who's first, what have we here? Ahhh...let's see." Camera cuts to Scott Armstrong as Mitchell says "! Bring the lamb to the slaughter." It's a SWERVE! They pick the timekeeper, A BIG FAT GUY WITH A HAIRY BACK AND APPARENTLY NO NAME but before Malice can powerbomb him, KEN SHAMROCK runs out - he gets Slash and Tempest but Malice gets in a shot and the numbers take over - Malice has him in the choke...and for some reason they hold him frozen in that position for TEN SOLID SECONDS before TAKAO OMORI runs out - ducks a double clothesline from Slash & Tempest and gives a forearm uppercut to Malice - Shamrock works on Tempest while Omori puts out Slash with a punch. Tempest thrown out. Now they back into each other and we get a staredown which Ferrara proclaims "intense." Tenay settles for "mutual respect....and tension!" Before anything else can happen, we go

Backstage, Goldilocks stands with the Dupps. Bo and Fluff dry hump while Stan picks his nose, then says "My strategy? Well it's simple! You ever seen a 'coon dawg that ain't got himself some in a while? Oh, he'll lick himself - (licks) - he'll lick himself - it don't do no good. But when poor old Aunt (Bell?) come walkin' to the house, and that 'coon dawg get that (sniffs) get that scent, that coon 'dawg'll LATCH up on them varicose veins and proceed to make her squeal like a pig. Elvises, that's what we gonna do to you tonight." He grabs Fluff and HE starts to dry hump her. "Like my brother said, you gotta ask the questions first, then strike later. If you see a fork in the road, then you gotta take it. Never look a deaf man in the eye, and remember - if the shoe fits, then it's probably the right size. And one other thing our daddy taught us - if it looks like sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet, smells like sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet, and ya pick it up and ya play with it, and it feels like sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet, well then don't put it on your mouth, 'cause it's probably sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. Stan! C'mon!"

Borash starts to introduce the Dupps, but some strange music plays instead. It stops and he continues. Then the strange music starts again. Then the Dupps music starts. Then the strange music starts a THIRD time. Everyone's confused but all is revealed when ECW's JASMINE ST. CLAIR walks out. Well, everything except Jasmine - but maybe soon. She's got a band-aid on her left knee - there's a blowjob joke in there but I ain't findin' it. Borash goes through his entire array of confused faces as St. Clair relieves him of his stick. "For three weeks, I've been sitting at home watching this show." She gets PPV there? "But, for three weeks, I've also been patiently waiting to see some ass. I mean, come on, we all know what the letters TNA really stand for, don't we? That's right. Now I dunno about you guys, but - is there any guy in this building that wants to see some real T&A tonight?" We look to Borash to make some more Gary Burghoff buggin' out face. "Are you sure? Well, tonight's your lucky night. 'cause I've got it, and I'm gonna flaunt it just for you. Does anyone have a chair, please?" Mark Johnson moves like greased lightning to slide a chair into the ring - then give a thumbs up to the camera. "Come over here, my little sex toy." Yeah, that's Borash - women just FLOCK to him on this show. "Sit down. I'm gonna make you sweat. Camera guy - can you move in just a little bit closer please? You may wanna catch this. One more thing...can I have some music please?" I'm now really tired of that sax riff. Tenay hits the "he get a lap dance, and I'm sitting next to West & Ferrara" line, which reminds me of the great Jim Ross line "Vince gets to talk to Peta Wilson, and I get Paul Bearer" from RAW back when nobody watched. Hey ho, off come the panties. Borash is agog. Panties on his head! Here comes BILL BEHRENS because he hasn't gotten enough camera time this week, I suppose - before he can cover St. Clair with a blazer, Ferrara leaves his headset, hits the ring and spears him down. Well, the top doesn't come off before Behrens is back up to cover her. Ferrara pulls him away, but fortunately St. Clair is covering up her boob with her hand just long enough for Behrens to come back AGAIN and cover her AGAIN. Behrens also removes the underwear from Borash's head on his way to pulling St. Clair out of the ring. Cameraman gets a great shot of Ferrara setting up Borash holding him back - man, this is dreadful, awful stuff. Just tell me what match this sets up and I'll go easier on it. Borash hasn't managed to shake off the daze yet. Maybe he caught a whiff of something?

One fall, twenty minute time limit
THE DUPPS (Kentucky - 454 pounds - with Fluff Dupp) v. FLYING ELVIS' (Jorge Estrada & Sonny Siaki - Memphis, Tennessee - 450 pounds)
referee: Johnson We are told Jimmy Yang is touring with All Japan over there so you won't be seeing him tonight. Elvises (Elvis' is on the graphic, but my knowledge of grammar compels me to spell it the other way) jump from behind and we're off and away. Stan reverses, taking Estrada up and over on the backdrop. Bo reveres a whip into a spinebuster by Stan - "did you see that elevation by Bo Dupp?" No, the stupid cameras weren't watching the ring. I assume it was a legdrop. Oh, look, here's MORTIMER PLUMTREE, let's watch *him* instead of the match. Estrada back in with Bo - lockup, shoved away. Plumtree joins the commentators and it seems like he's picked up an accent he didn't seem to have in earlier weeks. Actually, it sounds more like he's auditioning for the voice of ALF in case the guy currently doing it dies or something. I presume a chop, but we didn't see it. Gutshot by Estrada, to a side headlock - if you had "Dupp powers out but Estrada lands a shoulderblock," you've been paying attention and here's a cookie. Off the ropes, Estrada nips up - Dupp grabs two handfuls of pompadour and headbutts the back of his head - twice - and clotheslines him down. Into the corner, Estrada with a backflip over him, kick, into the opposite corner is reversed, shoulderblock by Dupp. Tag to Stan. Into the ropes, atomic drop by Bo, shoulder by Stan, high legdrop, 1, 2, kickout. Right by Dupp, right, into the corner, up and onto the shoulders by Estrada - but Dupp gives him an Alabama slam - 1, 2, foot on the rope. Elbow by Dupp, tag by Dupp, Bo with a forearm across the back. Estrada fights back, right, right, duck, crossbody caught - powerslam by Dupp, 1, 2, Siaki breaks it up. Stan comes in and Johnson works on putting HIM back in his corner - so Siaki comes in, gives Bo a gutshot and snap swinging neckbreaker and claps the air. Are all four of these guys heels? Cover, 1, 2, no. Head to the corner - chop - chop. No sale by Bo - positions switched, chop, chop, right, into the opposite corner, reversed, dumped onto the apron by Dupp, right by Siaki - springs up - split-legged moonsault! Kick by Siaki, whip reversal and Dupp manages an Alabama slam of his own - but both men are down. Dupp up at 5 - tag! Tag to Estrada. Hot tags seem like Ferrara's cue to talk about things he should have brought up a hell of a lot earlier in the match when it's appropriate to go off on tangents, but at least this time he has the excuse of Plumtree occupying most of the available time spent talkin' loud and sayin' nothin'. Dupp with a big boot, big boot for Siaki, bionic elbows for both men, Estrada dumps Bo and then lands on him with a pescado. Meanwhile, Siaki reverses a whip but Stan hits the Dupp drop (full nelson into uranage), elbow, into the ropes, reversed, reversed back but Siaki goes under - got a pumphandle - suplex! Estrada almost collides with Johnson for the second time this match, but manages to miss him coming off the ropes - quebrada into a sentonbomb (!) - 1, 2, 3! (5:03) **1/4 That's "the Perfect 10," says Tenay - okay. They don't bother wrapping it up with Plumtree, which is just as well - instead, we cut to

Backstage, Lynn is beating up Styles but good - whip reversed and Lynn hits a table - Styles dives at him and these goes another table. Lynn whipped into a door - damn, Plumtree IS still talking. Lynn turns it around, ramming Styles into a metal shutter. Now into a table. Now into some guardrails. Throws a title belt at him - then hits a cradle piledriver onto an ambo case. "You son of a bitch - here you go, AJ - here's your belt - celebrate now, ya glory hound! C'mon, celebrate now, AJ! Damn glory hound..."

In the ring, Borash introduces HARLEY RACE, but instead of looking at that, we cut to a screen of vitals for the upcoming matchup...

KEN SHAMROCK - 6'1", 235 pounds, 13 years pro
TAKAO OMORI - 6'4", 285 pounds, 10 years pro
Shamrock: Master of submissions, "big" match experience
Omori: High impact striker, fresh and focused

OMORI (challenger - Japan - 265 pounds) v. THIS IS KEN SHAMROCK (champion - Lion's Dean in San Diego, California - no weight announced)
referee: Armstrong
Wow, he lost twenty pounds between the graphic and Borash introducing him (as "Taco.") Tenay says Omori hasn't wrestled since late May - he's been training six weeks for his title opportunity. Strange, since six weeks ago (a) this promotion didn't exist, and (b) Miller hadn't made his trip to Japan yet. Shamrock doesn't even GET a weight. Okay, HERE WE GO! Lockup, knee by Shamrock, knee, knee, knee, knee. Shamrock with a kick - Omori ducks. Shamrock ducks a clothesline. Shamrock DDT for 2. Right to the temple, right. Look! Harley Race! Shamrock did...something, but we were looking at Race. Shamrock to a headscissors, adding a chinlock - but Omori puts a foot on the second rope. Shamrock is slow to break. Right hand by Shamrock. Kick in the back - another one. Right by Shamrock in the corner, left, right. Omori (Ferrara keeps saying "amore") blocks the next one and lands a forearm uppercut. Out of the corner, another uppercut from Omori. The infamous "spinning leg attack" kick. Head to the buckle. Right hand by Omori - right - Shamrock sneaks in a knee but Omori is right back with a kick. Forearm in the back by Omori. Shamrock sent into the ropes, nice dropkick by Omori. Omori with a chinlock. Shamrock tries an elbow behind him but doesn't break the hold. Another elbow. Omori rakes the face and breaks the hold. Tenay tells us Omori's finishers are an axe bomber (lariat) and the kneedrop from the top. Shamrock with a knee, Omori with three close rights from the headlock. Gutshot, head to the buckle, Omori wants a whip into the opposite corner but Shamrock doesn't want to move - finally he sloooooowly runs to the opposite corner. Omori with a Super Kwang in the corner. Another slooooow whip but this time Shamrock ducks the Super Kwang and Omori hangs his leg on the top rope! Shamrock right, right, punches the knee, again, then wraps the knee around the top rope. Armstrong forces a break. Right by Shamrock. Right to the chin. Choke on the top rope. Armstrong could have gotten to five but pulls Shamrock off the choke instead. Right by Shamrock. Right, right, into the opposite corner, head down and Omori kicks - Omori off the ropes with a swinging neckbreaker - or at least it was supposed to be...Shamrock doesn't twist, instead just kinda flopping to the mat. He must be tired - 1, 2, Shamrock kicks out. Omori to the full nelson bomb - he's going up - kneedrop MISSES!! Shamrock to his feet - quick kicks the back of the leg (after Omori signals which one he's supposed to be working on, heh heh). Another kick to the back of the knee, stomp, picks up Omori and puts him in the corner, no, there's a reversal - AXE BOMBER by Omori!! 1, 2, NO! Omori argues the cadence with Armstrong. Tries to get Shamrock, but he punches back - right, right, right, right, off the ropes, dropkick! Crowd seems intensely interested in something that isn't in the ring but I have no idea what. Shamrock up first. Leg scissors!! Omori doesn't submit. Hmm, maybe chicks are lifting their tops? Omori grabs the bottom rope. Shamrock stomps on him again. Yeah, I think it's girls showin' their tits. Into the ropes is reversed, big back elbow by Omori. Omori slaps his knee to try to shake it off. Going for a piledriver but Shamrock punches the knee, Omori buckles, and Shamrock knocks him down again. Shamrock picks him up - do si do, gutshot, Omori with a right, uppercut, right, full nelson - Shamrock fights it off - then drops down with an armbar...then floats over to the anklelock! But now JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out with a chair - chair in the back for Shamrock awwwwww shit. (DQ 7:49) **1/2 WHACK for Omori as well. Jarrett takes out a knee on each man and now Harley Race is making *his* way into the ring - oh man, everything's in slomo at this point - gutshot and WHACK for Race! WHACK Omori! Jarrett chases out Armstrong, but as Armstrong slides out, his arm takes a full-on chairshot - holy shit I think he broke his arm! TNA SECURITY hit the ring and THEY take some chairshots to the head. Armstrong is holding his arm and that's sick. BULLET BOB ARMSTRONG manages to not take a chairshot. Shamrock's up WHACK nobody takes a full-on chairshot to the head like Shamrock! Jarrett leaves to give one of the fallen security men another whack in the back. Bob Armstrong points but doesn't do anything. My picture cuts out for a bit here, but I don't think I missed anything. Back we go

We hear grunting off camera as Goldilocks catches up with Lynn. "You want some? I'll give ya some. Open up and say AHH." I don't think that was the answer she was looking for! Catching up to the picture are the Disciples, and Mitchell says "My my, the whore of Babylon." "Excuse me?" "You're excused. Goldilocks, I really need you to do me a favour - if you happen to see Mister Jeff Jarrett, would you be so kind as to let him know I urgently need to speak to him? I mean, I don't like messy situations, but I'm afraid Mr. Jarrett is about to commit a sin for which I just can't grant absolution, I'm really not a very charitable god." "Excuse me - did you just say 'god?'" "Your hearing is impeccable. Just be sure to let him know if he won't come speak to me that I can be either the bearer of light, or the bringer of great darkness, the choice is really up to him. Oh, and about that smirk - you can either lose it...or we'll CUT IT OFF." Man I've been waiting four weeks for someone to say that to her! They walk off and finally her impeccable hearing hears the moaning. We follow her to the dark place where somebody finds Bill Behrens bereft of shirt and pants, gagged and "FU" written on his chest. Man, if only they'd ungag him maybe he could *say what's happened to him!!*

referee: Johnson
First man to be eliminated gets the #6 ranking and so on until the fifth decision is earned by the new #1 Contender. All the ring introductions are drowned out by the commentators again - too bad, too, as this is the first time five of these guys have been introduced as singles. Nobody has their own music until Lynn comes out. Johnson manages to get everyone in a corner except Daniels and Romeo - kick by Romeo, right, right, right, arm wringer, shoulder drive, again - Daniels flips out and reverses to a hammerlock. Back elbow by Romeo, elbow, elbow, standing switch, slaps the back of his head - to a headlock - elbows out by Daniels, powered out - wait for it - yes, shoulderblock by Romeo. Up and over, leapfrog by Daniels, head down, Romeo kicks. Daniels ducks - off the ropes - hiptoss blocked - Romeo puts the leg over the head for the flippy-flippy - ducks a clothesline but Daniels hits a Japanese armdrag off the ropes. Romeo answers with a dropkick. Ghetto blaster ducked - Romeo up and they do the "indy" staredown - not much applause, again. Romeo backs up a bit too far and Skipper tags himself in. Primetime! Primetime! Primetime! Nope, no Stevie Rays in this crew. Skipper grabs a waistlock to a full nelson - Daniels out, but Skipper snapmares him over - gutshot, into the ropes is reversed, Skipper tries a quebrada but nobody's home - but he lands on his feet and lands the back heel kick - 1, 2, no. Elbow by Skipper, into the ropes, Daniels slides under, ducks the swing, Daniels with a short clothesline. We stare at Lynn while we hear Daniels pounding or stomping away on Skipper - Skipper shoves him into a corner and Mamaluke (ex-ECW, nee WCW's Tony Marinara, nee C.G. Afi) tags himself in - Skipper rares back with a punch for Daniels but Mamaluke hooks him and throws his own right. Doubleteam into the ropes, Mamaluke with a knee in the gut, Daniels adds a rolling neck snap - Mamaluke cover - 1, 2, no. Chop - Euro uppercut - jawbreaker. Mamaluke pouring it on - into the ropes, Northern Lights suplex for 2. Whip is reversed - Skipper grabs the wheelbarrow but Mamaluke flails out - Mamaluke with an armbar - Skipper tries a clothesline but Mamaluke ducks - waistlock rollup (and tights pull?) gets 2 - Skipper very slowly kicks out - Mamaluke off the ropes, up and over, dropkick to the knee. Into the ropes, Skipper comes back with a clothesline. Skipper grabs a front face and backs up, tagging Lynn. Lynn with a right hand to Mamaluke - side headlock - powered out and there's the mandatory shoulderblock from Lynn. Off the ropes, up and over, Lynn with a monkey flip and Mamaluke lands on his feet - hiptoss blocked, Lynn grabs a wheelbarrow but Mamaluke manages a hiptoss/armdrag out. Mamaluke tries for another hiptoss but Lynn blocks and scoops up Mamaluke with a backbreaker across the knee. Lynn stomps. Into the ropes, spun up and tilt-a-whirl down into another backbreaker. Lynn tags Low-Ki. In with a kick - a kick - winds up and hits the KICK. Cover - 1, 2, foot on the rope! Kick by Ki - kick - Mamaluke manages to toss him into the ropes and he bounces off the second...then Mamaluke muscles him over with a death suplex. Leg is hooked - 1, out. Mamaluke grabs a double underhook - DDT - and adds a body scissors! You know we get no submissions here, though. Forearm across the back, free shot for Romeo - commentators thought it was a tag and so did I, but apparently no - into the opposite corner and Mamaluke *does* tag Daniels. Headbutt for Low-Ki - kick, stomp, gutwrench into a powerslam gets 2. Into the ropes, reversed to a cartwheel kick and Daniels goes down. Ki falls back to Romeo who DOES get a tag this time. Romeo kick, right, right, right, right, chop, chop, into the ropes, reversal, Romeo ducks the backhand but not the (Tenay) rider kick. Tag to Lynn - stomp for Romeo, stomp, hooking him up for the reverse Gorry special - three quick spins - holding him - finally, Romeo breaks it up himself - gutshot by Romeo - taking up Lynn and putting HIM in a (regular) Gorry special. Lynn also manages to break free, rolling him up for 2. Now I'm *positive* that Armstrong must be seriously hurt, as Johnson has been join at ringside by REFEREE #3, the Referee of No Name who we've only seen on TV thus far as part of the "refs & officials" pullapart contingent. Romeo with a right hand. Into the corner, Lynn climbs up and meets him coming in with a boot. Tornado DDT out - hooks the leg - 2! Lynn stays on Romeo with a stomp - then tags out to Daniels. Swandive headbutt! But nobody's in the pool! Romeo tags out to Lynn (!) - right hand, whip is reversed, Lynn hooks the leg - Daniels runs in to try a monkey flip but Lynn holds him, they do a 180 and Daniels manages a body scissors taking him out to the floor. Daniels back from the apron - tries a baseball slide but Lynn's out of the way. Daniels still manages to ram Lynn's face into the apron. Lynn on the apron - split-legged moonsault to the floor! Romeo decides it's trainwreck time and dives from the top onto the pile. Mamaluke top rope somersault plancha on the pile. Skipper and Low-Ki in the ring trading blows - now they both leap off with somersault planchas onto the pile! Well it's ALL broken down now - you know, the sad thing is *now* I'm expecting Malice to come out and chokeslam everybody or some other stupid shit like that. Pier Six on the outside - now Lynn and Daniels come back inside - up and over, leapfrog by Lynn, chop from Daniels, whip is reversed but Daniels hooks the rope - Lynn sent up and onto the apron - Daniels with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," but he tries the shoulder through the ropes and Lynn *again* leaps over, does the 180 and guillotine. Lynn to the top - Mamaluke crotches him and shoves him to the floor! Mamaluke gives him some Full-Blooded Italian pantomime (he IS wearing FBI tights) while Johnson starts a ten count. Mamaluke with one more blow for Lynn out on the floor. We take a replay of the stereo planchas and when we come back, Johnson has apparently counted Lynn out and stuck him with the #6 Contender slot. (COR 10:13)

Mamaluke hits the ring - Euro uppercut on Daniels. Suplex coming up - make it a gourdbuster. Holding on for two - and there's a Russian leg sweep - Mamaluke puts a leg over the neck and applies the pretzel - Daniels gets to the rope. They finally announce Lynn's elimination and the crowd isn't happy. Daniels with a jawbreaker and tags out to Skipper- big clothesline by Primetime. Skipper laying in wait - big elbow. Into the ropes, reversed, backdrop attempt but Skipper lands on his feet - hooks his arms for a backslide but Mamaluke backflips to land on HIS feet (well, knees) - Skipper with a gutshot - there's the Overdrive! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3! Tenay corrects Ferrara and me, saying it's the Play of the Day. Mamaluke is #5 contender. (11:32)

Ref #3 spells Johnson and Low-Ki is in with a big chop. Headbutt, headbutt, stomp, stomp, stomp. Chop. Into the ropes, but instead of bouncing off, Skipper's head goes under the top rope, then he completely falls out of the ring! The zebra checks on Skipper, then comes back in - but Ki goes out - chop! Back in (was there a count?) - chop by Low-Ki. Into the ropes, reversed by Skipper into a gutshot - going for the Play of the Day again but Ki slips out, gutshot,, just RAMS him into the top turnbuckle upside down on his back. Some part of the crowd chants "Low-Ki." 1, 2, no! Kick by Low-Ki, kick, kick kick kick, winds up for a field goal kick. Ki springs off the ropes but Skipper does the Matrix and bridges under - Skipper with a belly-to-belly suplex! Skipper to the top - missile dropkick! Unfortunately for him, Low-Ki rolls back to Daniels - and he tags in. Gutshot by Daniels - whip - reversed into a butterfly suplex by Skipper. Cover - 1, 2, kickout! Daniels with a right, next one is blocked - Skipper works him to the Slop Drop position, then turns him inside out with a reverse suplex - 1, 2, no! Daniels sent into the ropes, reversed and Daniels buries the knee. Horsecollars him down. Waistlock reversed - back elbows by Daniels to get out - off the ropes, Skipper leapfrogs but Daniels stops short, catching him on his shoulder - Daniels flips him over to a Slop Drop position, then snaps off an inverted swinging DDT - 1, 2, 3! Tenay says that's Last Rites, and now I know. Skipper is the #4 contender. (14:55)

Romeo comes in - as well as Johnson to resume the officiating duties. Right by Romeo, right, right, right - death suplex - no, dropped forward instead - 1, 2, no! Right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Romeo ducks, Daniels wants a hip toss but Romeo goes into the wheelbarrow - then bulldogs him down. Cover - 1, 2, no. Romeo gives a free dropkick to Low-Ki, taking him to the floor. Romeo to the top - Daniels against the ropes to crotch him. Daniels up after Romeo - to the top - Ferrara asks if Low-Ki's being counted out, which is a good question but not one to ask when obviously he's NOT being conuted out. Foerarms across the back by Daniels, uppernut by Romeo since Johnson wasn't looking - Romeo off the second rope with a huge sidewalk slam (Last Dance) - 1, 2, 3! NO! Johnson waves it off - his foot was on the ropes! Low-Ki tags himself in - ducks the swing, then springs off with the climbing kick! Tumbling into the climbing kick in the corner (Tidal Crush) - and then clamping on the Dragon Clutch! (Dragon sleeper/camel clutch combination) - holy cow, a submission in the X Division! Romeo TAPS! #3 contender! (17:03)

Two men left and they're both out. Low-Ki manages a cover but Daniels still has a leg draped over the bottom rope. Ki drags him to the centre - 1, 2, NO! Ki with a chop - chop - and how about a chop - so many moves, think I'll try...chop. Finally, Daniels has had enough and switches positions - chop, chop, chop, Ki reverses back, chop, chop, OH COME ON LET'S MOVE ON - finally, Low-Ki tries to whip Daniels out - he reverses, Ki ducks, Daniels ducks, Daniels grabs his neck and pulls him forward to a facebuster. Daniels with a back leg trip to take his back to the mat hard. Daniels taps the turnbuckle - going for the escalator moonsault but Ki is up and crotching him. Forearm in the back, forearm, Ki climbing to the top, grabbing the Dragon but Daniels elbows three times and shoves Ki back to the centre - Daniels falls off the corner as well. Now Daniels tries again - second rope - top rope - moonsault! Both men writhe around and Daniels finally drapes an arm on him - 1, 2, NO! Daniels sets up a suplex - Ki down the back - rollup - 1, 2, Daniels bridges out - 1, 2, no, Oklahoma roll by Ki - 1, 2, Daniels tries to reverse for another conut but fails to get his shoulder down - commentators try "1" but cut themselves off - meanwhile, crowd starts booing, probably because some girl won't show her tits ('cause they AIN'T looking in the ring).. Ki 1, 2, Daniels 1, 2, Daniels kicks, double underhook - nope, Ki with a Stroke-like legsweep - Dragon Clutch applied!! Daniels snapmares him out of it, though. Bah, let's kill ALL the finishers. Daniels rams him into the corner. Sat on top - running uppercut palm thrust by Daniels. Got him on over the shoulders into a slam - "Fall from Grace" says Tenay - 1, 2, NO! Kill another finisher woooo! Daniels calls for Last Rites, but Ki follows through on the spin, then lifts his leg overhead with a kick behind. There's a sitout fishermanbuster - Tenay starts to say the name of it but stops to count along with Johnson - 1, 2, 3! (21:42) **** More pyro than we saw at the opening. But the celebration is cut short when THE FLYING ELVISES hit the ring and work over BOTH Low-Ki and Daniels. Siaki takes a mic. "The Flying Elvises was not a part of this X Division match. We ARE the X Division. The NWA doesn't want us involved, screw 'em - we'll get involved ourselves." See what I mean when I say "The Next Rock?" ELIX SKIPPER is back out but Siaki hits the ring to turn the numbers back their way. KID ROMEO & TONY MAMALULKE hit the ring and the Elvises decide to cool out.

Commentators hype next week - AJ Styles vs. Low-Ki! Scott Hall vs. Brian Lawler! WOW look at all the empty seats behind the commentators - also, Puppet vs. Meatball, the World's Largest Midget! I am READY to LAAAAUGH

But now JEDOUBELF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is back out. "Screw the church, screw you, Tenay, and screw NWA - I want my damn title shot. You mark my words - next week, I will get a title shot. Screw the Church, I deserve one, screw the Titans, I'm a winner--" Oh, I guess the TENNESSEE TITANS are in the front row again. "I'm a damn winner, Wychek - yeah, you know it - they had their shot at the Super Bowl, and they blew it! When I get my--" and then one of the football players takes a swipe at him - he's over the rail! He calls for his teammate's help - now it's three on Jarrett - what the hell? Well now the NEW CHURCH is out - Jarrett has a chair - down goes Slash, down goes a football player, Malice says NO SALE and it's on - aren't these guys both heels? Malice and Jarrett over the barrier and brawling through the crowd. Commentators are apoplectic. When Tenay says "MY GOD!" you KNOW it's serious! Credits are up and we're out at 7:52.

Well, easily the best show of the set...but man, I'm getting some really nagging vibes about certain things. That could just be Russo angst which could prove to be misplaced. I hope it is, but.... Well, ultimately, even after four shows, this still boils down to "it's a ten dollar 'Thunder.'" Guys, we had over *three years* of FREE "Thunder" and if THAT company couldn't make it - how can this one survive? I'm moving my official stance to "enjoy it while you can."

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