SNOWFLAKES: I don't know about you, but the comparison between my ratings and Wade's is getting downright SCARY:

Show #4 comparison	Me	Wade	Dave
Slash/Tempest vs. Styles/Lynn	***	***	**3/4
Lawler vs. Smiley	**	*3/4	*
K-Krush vs. Sadler	*3/4	**	*
Briscoes vs. Hot Shots	N/A
Dupps vs. Elvises	**1/4	**
Omori vs. Shamrock	**1/2	**1/2	3/4*
X Division 6Way rankings elimination	****	****	***1/2

Same ad pre-show

Opening Credits are screwed up, so we cut to the ring where - surprise - JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is beating up two members of TNA SECURITY with a chair. Commentators screaming over Jarrett is making it easy for me to evade transcription. Something about a deafening silence and/or raw violence. He wants Shamrock NOW. Let's sneak in the usual opener - coming to you LIVE from the Fairgrounds in Nashville, TN (early indications suggest "TNA Shed" might be appropriate) 24.7.2, THIS is NWA Total Nonstop Action #6 and the phrase that pays tonight is "shoestring budget..."

Backstage, Ken Shamrock beats up six members of TNA Security - we're spared audio of the last guy trying to stand up to him. And now, Bullet Bob Armstrong and Don Harris stand in front of him. Again, no audio...but the gist is Ken Shamrock uses his Jedi mind powers to part them.

Now outside the room he was just in, Shamrock uses a piece of wood to bar the door - despite the fact that there are plenty of other doors, but I guess none of them lead anywhere. "What's wrong, Ken?" Some big shirtless guy. Shamrock does his imitation of Cosmo Kramer by waving his arms wildly, then says "...DO me a favour! Nobody comes in and nobody comes out. Tonight, I'm the boss!" "Okay, man, it's done." Tenay ID's the "Iron Brit" Ian Harrison.

Back to the ring where BILL BEHRENS makes his weakly - err, *weekly* appearance. "You shut - Jarrett - just shut up right now and listen to me. All right? Your rampage here is over. I came out here, man to man to let you know that all this stuff you've been doing over these last few weeks is gonna end right here and right now. And, to make my point: effective immediately, and starting tonight, you're suspended for sixty days. And you know what, Jarrett - you can do one of two things right now. You can pick up like a gentlemen and just leave the ring, or I'm gonna get my army of security down here and they're gonna drag your ass to the back. Now it's your choice - what's it gonna be? You can leave or we can drag ya outta here. It's your choice. Whatcha gonna do?" Jarrett ponders his options - and crowns Behrens with the chair. Whack, whack, whack - chairshots, egofuck, take your pick. Here comes KEN SHAMROCK - right, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, side kick, mount, twenty-nine rights before MONTY BROWN & APOLO pull Shamrock off of Jarrett. But all *they* manage to do is hold Shamrock in position for Jarrett to give HIM a chairshot. Aw, geez. Jarrett has the chair - Mexican standoff with Apolo and Brown...but now K-KRUSH & BRIAN LAWLER come out to collect Jarrett. Jarrett decides to leave - first saying something to the commentators we don't hear. Shamrock is out cold.

Your hosts are ASK MIKE TENAY, DON WEST DOT ORG & VINCE RUSSO'S FRIEND. Ferrara has no lighting on him - which makes him look better than he's looked in these six weeks, yuk yuk yuk. West either couldn't afford anything beyond a polo shirt this week...or it's really hot out. Tonight, Shamrock and Sabu have a match for the NWA World Heavyweight championship...we think. Jerry Lynn & AJ Styles defend the tag team titles against the Flying Elvises. Security is locked in the back - it's the wild west and what will happen next? Well...how about an X Division opener?

One fall, twenty minute time limit
THE AMAZING RED (Brooklyn, NY - no weight given) v. THIS IS LO-KI (Brooklyn, NY - 199 pounds)
referee: RUDY CHARLES
Red is some overrated east coast indy guy (just kidding) - lockup, no, Ki (who still has his name spelled "Low Ki" on the website, so maybe the graphic was just wrong - or maybe they haven't settled on a spelling yet) kicks him in the back of the thigh. We go again - kick avoided by Red, HE kicks. Ducks a swing, armdrag, Japanese armdrag, dropkick and Ki flies to the outside. Tenay says that Ki is dedicating this match to (inaudible). Red runs the ropes, vaults the ropes but Ki is out of the way so he lands on the apron - then jumps to a Frankensteiner from the apron to the floor! Red takes the advantage - clubbing forearm in the back, right, Ki back in the ring, Red back in, right, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, nobody home on the charge. Red walks up his back for a dropkick - cover, 1, 2, no. Stomp, right, into the opposite corner, Ki reverses, boot up by Red - jumps off the middle rope with a neckbreaker - 1, 2, no. Red waiting for him to get up - on the shoulders - Ki shoves him off but Red hits a backflip landing...but Ki rolls forward with the koppou kick (thanks Rev - and Tenay) and THAT may turn it around. Scoop by Ki...and a slam. Off the ropes with a Muta elbow - 1, 2, no. Tenay mentions Ki's name comes from Blackstreet's "No Diggity," which is funny if you can imagine *Tenay* saying that. Double chop by Ki, grabs the headlock...Red with two body shots, Ki whips around the headlock to take him down. Red ducks the swing, but Ki springs off the rope with a kick - 1, 2, Red kicks out. Double underhook - suplex - floats over, STILL holding the "Dragon wing." Ki to a press - 1, 2, kickout. European uppercut - chop - chop. Red tries to reverse the whip so Ki pulls him back into the corner, dumping him onto the apron - Red with a open-handed slap, springs to the top - Ki kicks the leg and crotches him on top. Ki climbing up behind him...top rope - pulls the dragon sleeper and rocks back with BOTH of them in a Tree of Woe position! Charles starts the five count and Ki relents - cover - 1, 2, no!! Knee to the head, knee, knee, grabs the knucklelock and headbutts his chest - that's four times. They're backed into a corner - Red walks up Ki's chest and kicks the side of his head - again - they're STILL in the knucklelock as Ki falls to his back - 1 - 1 - 1, 2 - Ki kicks him off and breaks the hold - Red kick, kick, kick caught and Ki legwhips him down - ducks a seated kick - Ki with a kick that takes Red's headband off! Ki kicks again - assumes the angry monkey position - and here's a ...legsweep by Red! Standing backflip press (Red Star Press)! 1, 2, NO! Red chops, chop, whip into the ropes is reversed, Red hooks the ropes and kicks Ki coming in - Red over the back with a body scissors...then snaps forward into a body scissors powerbomb! Whoa! That's Code Red - and that's ONLY 2? Puh-shaw. Red goes with the right, right, right, off the ropes, ducks a swing from Ki, tornado DDT - 1, 2, Ki kicks out! Crowd chants "Carrot Top" for God knows why. Clubbing forearm to the back, right, off the ropes, tries another tornado DDT but Ki shakes him off, putting him in a corner. Red runs into three palm thrusts, a backhand, leg sweep, stomp avoided, stomp rolled away from, Red fires back with palms of his own, Ki with another palm, shoves him to the corner, boot up by Red, Red dives for him but Ki ducks, but Red connects with a spinning enzuigiri. Crowd chants... "TNA." Red points up and goes up top - corkscrew moonsault (Infra-Red) MISSES! Ki with the Tidal Crush kick in the corner - Ki Crusher '99 - 1, 2, 3! (7:28) ***1/2 No word on how this affects either's rankings in the X Division. "Low-Ki" chant.

Some new TNA GRRRLZ dance as we examine the crawl
NWA Wildside - 26 July - Cornelia, GA
NWA East - 26 July - Connellsville, PA
NWA ECCW - 26 July - Surrey, BC
Visit nwawrestling.com
Yikes, this girl has so little coordination that she has to stick her tongue out to help her with her dancing!

Backstage, Jeff Jarrett drags Goldylocks (and I apologise for getting HER name wrong for five weeks) and the cameraman to the door, where the Security guys are banging away, apparently oblivious to all the other doors in that room. Harrison still mans his post. "Is this Shamrock's room?" "Whether it is or whether it isn't, YOU'RE not getting in." "Listen, Joe Steroids, move your ass out of the way, I've gotta find Ken Shamrock." "Listen, I'm not in the mood to deal with any Nashville *wanker.* And if you wanna get it on, let's get it on!" "All right, Joe Steroids. Mr. Testosterone. On MY time we'll do it. On MY time we will."

As we take the long pan, you can just about count the number of people in the building. Wow, what a difference between last week's and this week's!

HOT SHOTS (422 pounds) v. "WILDCAT" CHRIS HARRIS & "COWBOY" JAMES STORM (454 pounds)
referee: SCOTT ARMSTRONG
Chase Stevens is the man *without* the mic; Cassidy O'Reilly is the man WITH: "We're PRICKS - we're PROUD - and we are PROTRUDING!" Then they grab their dicks. What the hell?

EARLIER TODAY: "How you doin', ma'am?" Goldylocks talked to Storm & Harris - Storm is the cowboy, Harris is the...smoker? "Woo hoo doggie! And tonight we gonna teach those curs a lesson! Yippe-kai-yi--" "What did I tell you?" "What, what are you talkin' 'bout, buckaroo?" "I'm sorry, Goldy - excuse me. That. That buckaroo bullshit. Okay? How many times do we have to talk about it?" "Talk about what? What do we gotta talk about?" "Look, I chose you as a partner because you are the best - okay? You're the best, Storm." "Thanks. 'ppreciate it." "But this - this gimmick o' yours - I've told you this before, it sucks." "Gimmick? Whatchoo talkin' 'bout a gimmick, Chris?" "What gimmick, the cowboy gimmick. This whole cowboy gimmick sucks! Nobody cares anymore! No more of this Stan Hansen crap, okay? All right? We need to concentrate. No more. And one thing - do not, do NOT bring those cap guns to the ring with you tonight." "Cap guns? What are you talkin' about, cap guns? WOOOO it's goin' down in Tulsa tonight! Have fun, little lady." And he tips his had to Goldylocks.

Of course, we completely miss Storm shooting his Smokin' Gunns because he does it while the interview is airing - you can hear it if you're paying attention, but I can't say I blame you if you weren't. The fact that the Hot Shots end up as the guys who beat up Storm & Harris makes no sense, by the way, but at least they DID appear backstage in #3, the same week Storm & Harris were punked out. BY THE WAY, I thought that Harris picked Storm because he happened to be walking out of the building with him when Behrens went looking for a replacement for the Dupps in #2 when they refused to wrestle the Rainbox Express...BY THE WAY, it sure seems like forever since we've seen THEM. And the Johnsons, yuk yuk yuk. Storm & Harris go out to the ramp to meet the Hot Shots and we've got us a Pier Four on the outside. Stevens hits the post - Harris puts him into the barricade. In the ring it's O'Reilly and Storm - Storm into the ropes, shoulderblock, up and over, leapfrog by O'Reilly, Storm flips over. Spinebuster by Storm. Ferrara tries an explanation but it ain't working for me. Tenay declares Harris & Storm "wrestling's odd couple as a tag team" - conveniently ignoring Lynn & Styles - and Siaki & Estrada - hmm - lots of tag teams actually. Blind tag by Harris, O'Reilly reverses a whip but Storm hits a flying headscissors - Stevens in and Harris leaps over Storm to spear him. Harris takes an eyepoke from O'Reilly - rake of the face - tag to Stevens. Harris ducks - gutshot - right by Stevens, right, right, clubbing forearm by Harris, taken up for the half hour suplex....and down. Cover - 1, 2, kickout. Tenay says "another two count" but that's the first near fall. Harris puts Stevens in the corner, Northern Lights suplex out. Tag to Storm but O'Reilly shoves him off the apron to the floor before he can come in. Throated on the barricade - O'Reilly tries to pull up the padding at ringside, fails, and decides to throw Storm in to Stevens instead - 1, 2, no. Into the ropes, dropkick. 1, 2, no. Ferrara mentions the cap guns. Head to the buckle, tag to O'Reilly - into the ropes, double gutshot, double kick to the back of the legs, sandwich double dropkick (Drop Shot) and O'Reilly tells us that was almost as pretty as he is. 1, 2, no. 1, 2, no. Hey how about another cover - nope, only 2. Storm fires back - right, right, right, into the ropes but O'Reilly springs back up with a handspring elbow - and a pose. Stomp. Split-legged moonsault! 1, 2, no. Another press - another 2. O'Reilly with a clubbing forearm - tag to Stevens - Stevens drops with a hot shot which O'Reilly uses to start a slingshot suplex (Hot Shot Drop). Stevens climbs up top - moonsault...MISSES! Well, it didn't REALLY miss but for the purposes of our story we'll pretend Storm rolled completely out of the way instead of partially out of the way. Harris really wants that tag - and gets it! Left, left, into the corner, bulldog out. O'Reilly in without a tag - oops, Tenay is calling BOTH men "Stevens" now. Harris ducks a clothesline - Austin press - left hands from the mount until Stevens throws an axehandle. Doubleteam into the corner, Harris out with a double clothesline! All four men in the ring - Storm slaps O'Reilly - "swinging noose" DDT! Back in the ring, Harris reverses a tornado DDT attempt into a Northern Lights suplex with a bridge - 1, 2, 3! No opening bell, so let's start the clock at the brawl on the outside and call it (5:18) **1/4 Hey, both men were legal! O'Reilly back in and attacking both men from behind. Stevens back up - O'Reilly picks up Harris for a superkick into a German suplex - Storm gets the same treatment. The Hot Shots grab the guns and do a little pistol whipping.

Let's go backstage! Goldylocks wants to ask the doc if Ken Shamrock is all right - Shamrock is back to consciousness and back to Kramer! "WHEREZJRT! WHEREZJRT!" Then he SHOVES a chair!!

THIS IS APOLO (Puerto Rico - 260 pounds) v. THIS IS BRIAN LAWLER (Memphis, Tennessee - 250 pounds)
referee: MARK "SLICK" JOHNSON
See, they keep announcing him as hailing from Puerto Rico and within SECONDS, Tenay reminds us he has moved to Florida. Lawler throws his jacket at Don West, just for kicks. Lockup, arm wringer by Apolo, Lawler with a bodyslam. "Jerry's kid" chant. Tenay says Apolo is "next in line" for an NWA Heavyweight title shot, after Sabu. We go again. Side headlock by Apolo, Lawler powers out, Apolo with a shoulderblock. Apolo off the ropes, hooks a hiptoss attempt, hooks the other arm, and there's a tiger suplex. Lawler is ANGRY! He THROWS off his necklace! Apolo grins. Lockup, Lawler puts him in the corner - right hand, right, right. Apolo reverses, chop, right, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, Apolo up and over - sitout powerbomb for Lawler - 1, 2, no. Wow, Tenay just told us that Jeff Jarrett is winless in NWA TNA! I don't know how good an idea it is to point that out...? Apolo right, right, right, into the corner, Lawler meets the charge with a superkick. Lawler in control - kick to the head - grabs the necklace and attempts to fashion a choke out of it - well, he tries, God bless him. Lawler stashes the necklace. Choke on the second rope. Lawler slides under with the Boss Man uppercut. You can actually pick out individual voices in this crowd. Suplex is blocekd - Apolo with a suplex of his own. Off the ropes - Lawler gets the knees up! Lawler back to his feet...second rope...there's a dropkick. Lawler chats with the crowd. Cover - 1, 2, no. It's CHINLOCK TIME! "Jerry's kid" chant fails to bring Apolo back to life - but the arm check by Johnson does. Elbow, elbow, elbow - Lawler rakes the eyes to halt the momentum. Into the ropes but Apolo slides to a stop - Lawler ducks the swing, Apolo ducks a swing, Apolo fakes him out..then clotheslines him down. Into the ropes, back elbow puts Lawler down. Scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes with a legdrop - 1, 2, no! Into the ropes is reversed, Apolo hooks the arm, tries to float over into a DDT, Lawler reveres, Apolo gutshot, off the ropes ducking a swing from Lawler - superkick! Apolo has him on the shoulders...but Lawler is back down and there's a Slop Drop! Lawler's lip is bloodied - and he LIKES it! "Make him pay!" chant sends Lawler into a dance - right to the back of the head, right, right...right. Lawler now moves into the II Cool dance...which the crowd doesn't appreciate. Dares Apolo to come at him - ducks a clothesline and hits a hangman's neckbreaker. Lawler pointing to the crowd and busting another move. Apolo with a schoolboy - 1, 2, 3. Wow, what a climax. (7:06) ** Lawler smears his own blood over his face in disbelief....ew. Lawler goes outside to a "loser" chant and faces the commentators. West says "Hey, it was still a good job, Brian." and gets Lawler's attention. "What'd you say?" "I said it was still a good job out there." Somehow this leads to Lawler grabbing West by the hair - then choking him out. Tenay calls for Security but Ferrara reminds him "We don't HAVE any security!" so Tenay, Ferrara, the fat timekeeper guy and some other ringside guy pull Lawler off of West. I wonder if West will no-sell THIS. YES! HE WILL!! He brings a whole new meaning to THE WILD WEST

K-KRUSH (Charlotte, North Carolina - 242 pounds) v. ?
Krush wears an Allen Iverson jersey. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week when Krush used his belt to WHOA! It's like a whole different arena! Man and the lighting - the crowd - you know, they REALLY should have tried to avoid running replays of last week's show on THIS week's show because it makes tonight's show look SO bush league. "You know what? First and foremost, when you refer to me, you call me by my damn name. My name is The Truth! K-Krush is no longer. That name is gone, it's dead and stinkin', it's done with! THEY gave me that damn name! No longer will they name me - no longer will I be their damn puppet." I wonder what Puppet thinks of that. "From now on, I walk when I wanna dammit walk. I don't talk when they want me to talk! The rules, the regulations, the guidelines that THEY create - I don't abide by!" The director decides to fill the screen with his head. "From this point forward, it's all about one thing, and one damn thing only. It's all about the damn truth!" Crowd chants "anarchy." "I know how the other ones feel - I know how the other great ones like myself feel who have been kept down by THEM. Allan Iverson! THE greatest damn player to ever play the damn game! But, in the eyes and the minds of those who fear him, and the hearts of those who wanna keep him down, he's nothing but a damn two-bit criminal! Mike Tyson, dammit, Iron Mike Tyson - the greatest damn boxer to ever walk the face of the earth! But in the eyes and the minds of those who fear him - in the hearts of those who wanna keep him down - he's nothing but a damn criminal or an outrage criminal. I could go on and on for days..." and he will "...about great ones like myself, who have been held down by THEY who chop them down with scandal and exposure. What about Daryl Strawberry? What about Dwight Gooden? What about Ray Lewis? Hell, since I'm on a roll, what about O.J. Simpson? You--" Wow, that was three minutes of THE TRUTH-- man, what do you suppose he means by "THEM?" I mean, it *can't* be WHITE PEOPLE because Jerry Jarrett isn't ABOUT *racial angles* RIGHT? Well, here comes MONTY BROWN. "Poor, poor, poor oppressed one. I think we've all heard just about enough of everything you have to say! My brother. And if you're trying to go where I THINK you're trying to go - don't even go there. You wanna talk about opportunities? Let's talk about opportunites. Let's talk about making and creating opportunities! Everyone here knows I've been to two Super Bowls - I'm a two-time AFC Champion! Nothing was given to me, I left that career - the career didn't leave me, I left football to make my opportunity right here in the NWA! And I'll tell you who helped make the opportunity. 'THEY' helped create that opportunity. So you wanna talk about the truth? You wanna talk about the truth? The truth may be this - the truth may be...you can talk the talk...but you can't walk the walk. The truth MAY be...it may also be that K-Krush just ain't all that!" OOOH!! "Hell. The truth MAY be...seeing as you're on my hunting grounds, I may take your punk ass out, right here, right now." Staredown. I have a feeling that Ferrara has waited ALL night to be able to say "You can't HANDLE The Truth!" "You know what...I got no problem witchoo - brother - BRO - *dawg.* YOU'RE not who I got the problem with, aight? You got YO views, and I got MY views. SO, with that bein' said...why don't you step yo' sellin' out Uncle Tom ass the hell outta my damn ring?" Gutshot to Brown, right, right, pose, right, Brown reverses, catches the hiptoss attempt, catches the punch, tiger suplex! Right, right, chop, into the corner, Truth up and over, superfluous backflip, splits under the clothesline, but leaps and the crossbody is caught - Brown moves him into an Alphabomb! Brown removes the jersey and throws it on Truth. Damn, this angle sucks but Vince needs to hire BOTH of these guys.

Let Us Take You Back to the long, storied history of Styles and Lynn - Styles beats Lynn to get the X Championship - Styles and Lynn team to win the titles when Styles steals the pin - Styles and Lynn defend the championships but Styles steals the pin *again* - Lynn turns on Styles - Lynn gets bleeped five times (including going so far as to even remove the "God" from the bleeped "damned"), Styles beats up Lynn, Lynn spears Styles and suplexes him into a ladder - it's the great American love story...only without any women

Earlier Today, Mike Tenay had a sitdown with the tag team champions. Oops, only there's no audio, and they keep sweeping some spotlights across the frame for no particular reason. Man, this is WEIRD.

Let's try it again. AJ Styles, Jerry Lynn, I have to be very honest with the two of you. After seeing the problems that you've had and what's gone down the past couple of weeks, I am absolutely shocked that the two of you are together for this interview.

Styles: Well, Mike, I'm gonna have to be honest with ya. After hearing Jerry Lynn last week, it really opened my eyes - I mean, I've only been in the business three, four and a...you know, years - I'm chompin' at the bit. Tunnel vision! All I see is wrestling in my head - I can't stop thinking about it. You know, but Jerry Lynn's been in the business fourteen years. I marvel at this man. I wanna be just like this man. I wanna have world titles just like this man. So...maybe, maybe I wasn't thinkin' about Jerry Lynn and maybe I was thinking about myself. But now I understand where you're comin' from Jerry - you've been there and you've done that. I respect you...and I know you were just trying to educate me.

Jerry?

Lynn: Well...after thinking about it... ten years ago, I was in AJ's shoes. I mean, I was young, I was hungry, and I wanted to take the wrestling world by the balls, y'know? I, I mean, I wanted to be the best I could be. And...I just found out in a hurry, and I'm sure you know, it's not all that glamorous. I mean, there's a lotta dues you gotta pay, there's a lotta - I mean, the fans don't realise what we go through. And, no one's gonna hand it to you on a silver platter - in this business, you gotta fight for what you get. And I just appreciate the fact that ah, A.J. finally realises that and now we can get on with our business.

And the two of you, well, you're gonna need to be on the same page. Because tonight, you defend the NWA world tag team belts against a very competitive team in the Flying Elvises.

Lynn: Well, you're right, Mike, the Elvises are a great team. But tonight, the fans are gonna see AJ and I working together as a unit. And I know they've seen in the past, there's been a lot of selfishness on both our parts, but I think that's mainly because most of our careers we've been singles wrestlers. So, for the first time being on the same page, the fans are gonna see what we're capable of.

PUT YOUR TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH WHILE YOU DANCE, WOMAN
NWA East - 27 July - W. Newton, PA
NWA East - 27 July - Windber, PA
IPW - 27 July - St. Petersburg, FL (Wow, I guess they made up with Ron Neimi?)
You know, there's a perfectly good woman in the OTHER cage that can dance without having to stick her tongue out - why don't you focus on HER, too?

NWA TAG-TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: THE FLYING ELVIS' (challengers - 622 pounds) v. JERRY LYNN & AJ STYLES (champions - no weight announced)
referee: Armstrong
Well, obviously 622 is the weight of all THREE Elvises (stupid chyron guy) but ostensibly only two are competing in this match tonight. Sonny Siaki takes Don West's headset and says (very, very quietly) that since Lynn & Styles are no competition for Sonny Siaki, he'll take the night off and let Jimmy Yang and Jorge Estrada take care of his light work. Estrada and Lynn lock up, arm wringer by Estrada, reversed by Lynn, Estrada to his back, nips up and reverses, another reversal by Lynn and into an armdrag. Estrada swivels - he's okay. We go again - waistlock by Lynn, standing switch, reversal - Estrada to the ropes - back elbow when the break is slow in coming. Man, the commentators are uncharacteristically respectful in not talking over Siaki...but the problem is, since WE can't hear him, it comes across as silence on the TV screen. Lynn into the ropes, sidewalk slam by Estrada - there's a pose. Quebrada - nobody home and Estrada lands on his feet - gutshot by Lynn, going into the reverse Gorry special - and Lynn goes into an airplane spin - Estrada back to his feet - there's a gutshot - into the ropes, Frankensteiner by Estrada - Lynn ducks the swing and grabs a waistlock, standing switch, Lynn elbows out, Lynn with a headscissors. Stomp, elbow, right, kick, taken to Styles for the tag - held open for the right hand - into the ropes, double flapjack. Seated dropkick by Styles, Lynn drops the leg, Styles covers - and gets 2. Elbow. "Let's go Elvis!" chant. Estrada goes behind, standing switch, back elbow by Estrada, back elbow, ducks a kick off the ropes, gutshot, into the ropes, Styles goes back to back over the top and unleashes a spinning roundhouse kick - 1, 2, no. Open-handed slap by Styles. Chop. Forearm. Into the corner, Estrada up and over - no, feet on shoulders - there's a headscissors into the middle turnbuckle. Kneelift - scoop...and a slam - and a tag to Yang. Styles ducks, Styles' dropkick shoved away - stomp, stomp, stomp, Yang with a pose. Styles with the kip up headscissors! Yang grabs a headlock - Styles punches out, powers out, Yang tries to pull him into a clothesline but Styles hits a death suplex. Cover...2. Tag to Lynn. Into the ropes, Lynn with a drop toehold, Styles with a sentonbomb, Lynn covers, 1, 2, no! Lynn stomps. Elbow. Head to the turnbuckle. Elbow, kick, suplex coming up...no, Yang behind - Lynn reaches behind for the headlock and manages the snapmare - Yang up and over, spinning under the clothesline, off the ropes, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Lynn - 1, 2, no. Tag to Styles. Knee. Kick. Tombstone countered with Yang leans back - tries to drop Styles on his face but Styles counters with a headscissors. Flying forearm smash in the corner, kick, whip into the opposite corner is reversed, Styles tries to spring off the corner with a plancha but Yang meets him with a knee in the gut! Yang goes to work - stomp, stomp, stomp - through the ropes to the floor, free shot for Lynn to tie up Armstrong and sure enough Estrada meets Styles on the floor - whip into the barricade is reversed and Estrada hits hard - but Siaki runs over Estrada and clotheslines down Styles! Of course, the cameras totally miss it. Styles thrown back in to Yang, who hits a side Russian leg sweep, then keeps the leg grapevined while putting his other leg around Styles' leg for an abdominal stretch AND adding an armbar for good measure. But Styles doesn't give up so Yang lets go after only fifteen seconds. Bah. Styles into the corner, Yang walks up Styles with the backflip kick, shoulder, shoulder, shoulder, shoulder, tag to Estrada. Snap suplex. 1, 2, no. Kneedrop. Another kneedrop. And...a kneedrop. 1, 2, Styles kicks out. Styles tries a gutshot, Estrada over the top, Styles, Estrada, Styles left, right, left, right, slap, going for the discus but Estrada catches him with a uranage - 1, 2, kickout! Tag to Yang - held for the kick, kick, Yang hangs him up on the top rope and Styles bounces back into the ring. Yang gives him ANOTHER front suplex onto the top rope. 1, 2, no! Yang puts him in position - stomp - Estrada with a split-legged moonsault! 1, 2, NO! Styles sneaks in an inside cradle - 1, 2, no! Estrada clotheslines him down. Styles into the ropes - Estrada with a spinebuster. Leg is hooked - only 2. Off the ropes - Estrada drops the knee one more time. Another snap suplex - Yang in with a we didn't see it over the top rope - 1, 2, no. I must be missing all these tags. Yang with an abdominal stretch and grinding his elbow into the floating ribs. Estrada adds the all important leverage behind Armstrong's back. Styles tries a clothesline but Yang ducks the grabs the waistlock - to the rope - Styles with a back elbow, tries a quebrada, Yang catches him, Styles reverses with a Slop Drop! Both men are down and it might be time for the momentum to shift. Armstrong is up to 5 - Estrada in *without* a tag and stopping Styles from making the tag by knocking Lynn off the apron, then dragging Styles to his corner. While Armstrong puts Lynn back in, Estrada claps the air, right, right, right, right, right, tag to Yang, right, right, right, right, tag to Estrada, right, right, swivels the hips, right. Estrada stands on the neck for 4. Another Elvis pose from Estrada. Right by Estrada, right by Styles, right, into the ropes, dropkick attempted - Estrada hooks the ropes, then points to his head. Estrada covers - 1, 2, no! Tag to Yang - held open for the right hand. Right by Yang, elbow, stomp, kick. Right to the back, Styles fires back, Yang, Styles, Yang, slap by Styles - blocks the punch, kick, kick caught...enzuigiri is ducked...so Styles lands a mule kick! Both men are down one more time and Yang's nose might have been broken there from all the blood that's suddenly appearing. Tag to Estrada - HOT TAG TO LYNN! Clothesline for you, clothesline for you, clothesline for you, into the ropes with Yang, BIG back body drop - oh but Estrada gets him from behind - into the corner, Lynn sneaks out - Estrada lands on the second rope - Lynn leaping up - SPRINGBOARD POWERBOMB! 1, 2, Yang saves!! Yang stomps, stomp, Lynn put into the ropes, pressed up and Lynn dropkicks him down! Yang goes to the floor - Lynn with a pescado!! Here comes Estrada - ASAI MOONSAULT! It's trainwreck time and here's the caboose - Styles running the ropes as Lynn holds the Elvises in place - Siaki barrels over the pile, saving his partners and Styles cracks heads with Lynn on the way down from his tope con hilo! Siaki adds a stomp for Styles, then throws him back into the ring. Lynn "hit the safety rail" and has an ENORMOUS slice on his forehead. Yang with a splash simultaneous with Estrada's top rope guillotine...Yang with a stomp, stomp, Lynn trying to climb back to the apron - Estrada kicks him off. Double shoulderbreaker on Styles! Lynn is quickly up to .5 Muta and AGAIN kicked off the apron. Estrada reverses a suplex attempt into a neckbreaker - but Yang is up from behind. Forearms in the back. Suplex attempt flipped out - Styles clotheslines him down! Estrada meets Lynn on the apron - gutshot puts him down one more time. Styles climbing to the top - Estrada punches Lynn - tries the shoulder through the ropes but Lynn's seen that many times - he leaps over it and comes down with the legdrop! Lynn in with a slingshot press - 1, 2, 3! Champs retain! (16:16) **** Styles is STILL standing on the top turnbuckle in disbelief - in fact, he's pretty disappointed that he didn't give Yang the Spiral Tap. The only problem with that is Lynn and Estrada were the legal men, you know. Styles takes his belt and leaves without Lynn.

JESUS YOU'RE A GROWN WOMAN PUT YOUR TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH THIS ISN'T GRADE SCHOOL AND YOU'RE NOT CUTTING A CIRCLE OUT OF CONSTRUCTION PAPER
NWA Bluegrass - 27 July - Pikeville, KY
NWA Main Event - 27 July - Colubmbia, TN
NWA Mid-West Missouri - 27 July - St. Robert, MO
Visit nwawrestling.com

Tenay says it's time for "Jive Talkin'." Yikes - it's a couch! He has a new haircut which makes him look more like my old college roommate than ever. "Thank you. You know, they say that no man is an island - but my impeccable won/loss record in the world of sports entertainment proves that no, I am not an island - I am the world famous DISCO INFERNO. I am your entire world. My ten years in this business have been incredible - I mean, I've done everything - I mean, where do I start. Pro Wrestling Illustrated's Top 50 Sexiest Wrestlers...WOW Magazine's 34th most powerful man in sports entertainment...former member of the NWO Wolfpac! I helped deliver Bill Goldberg his first-ever loss as a professional wrestler. I retired Jumpin' Joey Maggs - and I beat Barry Horowitz somethin' like sixteen times on national television, I mean...that's gotta be some kind of a record! Scholars, wrestlers and historians both past and present have studied every move I've made inside that squared circle in hopes that one day they may enjoy the monumental successes spanned by my glorious career and oh what a career it's been. I mean I've lived every man's dreams and fantasies - I've been to all the parties, I've met all the A-list actors, I've judged swimsuit competitions - the Hawaiian Tropic International Models in Las Vegas, Nevada...and the Pregnant Bikini contest held annually in Atlanta, Georgia every year. Hey! I've practically reached icon status, I mean there's nothing more that I can do in this business. So why, you ask, am I in a hick town like Nashville, Tennessee? Well, the answer is simple - I'm here to provide my knowledge and wisdom to those that are willing to learn and live it. For example, I'm here to teach young A.J. Styles how to act like a superstar! Not some glorified professional somersault artist. I'm here to teach Ken Shamrock, for the first time in his life, what the meaning of the word 'personality' is. It is my hope to help Jerry Lynn look younger - perhaps with the help of cosmetic surgery because Jerry, ya are gettin' a little old and you kinda need it. Last but not least, I'm here to teach not only Jeff Jarrett but the entire state of Tennessee how to speak English...rather than hillbilly. Ya know, like, when y'all say like "I'm fixin' to do this," if I hear that one more time, I'm gonna have a heart attack. You see, knowledge is freedom. And beginning next week, I'm going to provide the key that will help unlock the door to help release you from the hopelessly desperate lives that you lead. You see, life is like a giant disco ball. And with my mind, and my mouth, I will provide that magnificent ray of hope... that will lead you to a better tomorrow. Oprah Winfey, Sally Jessy Raphael, Jerry Springer and Montel Williams, get out of the way...or be slaughtered in my path of destruction because next week, right here on NWA TNA, I am going to debut the hottest talk show in the history of pay-per-view - entitled - 'Jive Talkin'.' Thank you. I have spoken." Is he a heel or a face anyway I SMELL THE OPPOSITE OF MONEY

NWA ECCW - 27 July - Swinomish, WA
NWA Michigan - 28 July - Oakland County, MI
NWA Mid-West Wisconsin - 28 July - Mole Lake, WI
Visit www.nwawrestling.com!

Backstage we go, where Goldylocks is now following Shamrock to the room full of knocking Security folk. "Has Jarrett come by here?" "Yeah - and I think he's been looking for you!" "Well he better hope to God he don't find me!

Tag team action
SIMON DIAMOND & JOHNNY SWINGER (522 pounds) v. MONTE BROWN & "PRIME TIME" ELIX SKIPPER (559 pounds)
referee: Johnson
Well, Simon (aka "Mr. Dawn Marie") didn't come out to "Simon Says" by Drain STH so what good is he. Hell, he didn't even get the mic to tell us that he had a problem! Sounds to me like they shouldn't have bothered to be part of this crew, but national TV is national TV ah s'pose. Hey sorry there Mr. Chyron Guy but his name is still spelled "Monty." Hahahaha LOOK OUT IT'SSSSSSSSSSS..... MONTY!!! Diamond offers the Hand of Friendship but slaps Skipper when he takes it. Skipper spins around for a back kick to the gut. Right hand, but runs into a palm to the face. Diamond right, right, right, into the ropes, Skipper with a kick when the head is down, right, into the ropes is reversed, Skipper with a Frankensteiner for 2. Gutshot, into the ropes, Diamond ducks, into the ropes, Skipper hooks the arm and rolls him up for 2. Swinger comes in - Skipper leaps over him and Brown is in behind him with a clothesline. Left, left, dance, right. Skipper right for Diamond, Brown with a right, Skipper, Brown, double dropkick! Johnson finally puts Brown in his corner. Skipper with a forerarm to the back, kick, into the ropes is reversed, Skipper hooks the ropes and Diamond's dropkick only finds air. But Swinger hits an apron clothesline to turn it around. Tag to Swinger. Skipper into the ropes, doubleteam sidewalk slam/Slop Drop combo and Swinger covers for 2. Right right right, side Russian legsweep with a cobra clutch gets...1. Geez, I thought that was one of his moves. Swinger with a right, right, into the corner is reversed, Swinger tries to spring off but Skipper Matrixes under - so Diamond gives him a clothesline. Tag to Diamond, held for the right, right, snap suplex...holding on and rolling into two - and then a gourdbuster. "How great is that?" Brown breaks it up at 2. Skipper into Swinger's boot, right, tag, Swinger with ANOTHER tag - into the ropes, double gutshot, double reverse Russian leg sweep - 1, 2, no! Right by Swinger, head to the buckle, kick, kick, into the opposite corner but Skipper is outta there - Diamond tries an apron clothesline but Skipper ducks and Swinger eats it - Skipper with a superkick for Diamond that takes him to the apron! Northern Lights suplex for Swinger, floats over...no, I guess he's hurt because he rolls off. Johnson is up to six and here's the HOT TAG to Brown! Clothesline for Diamond, clothesline, chop, into the ropes, powerslam - gutshot for Swinger - big press - and drops him on Diamond! 1, 2, Swinger kicks the head. ALl four men in now - Skipper working on Swinger until Diamond gets him from behind - into the ropes - double DDT! Swinger covers but Johnson actually keeps track of legal men and Skipper ain't one of them (!) - Diamond back to Brown - kick, right, right, Skipper tossed and the doubleteam is on on Brown - into the ropes, reversed - Skipper trips up Swinger - Diamond on the shoulders - into the Alphabomb - 1, 2, 3! (5:36) *3/4 Big hug...turns out to be Skipper keeping Brown's back to THE TRUTH hitting the ring and choking him with his belt...then putting him over the top rope into the now-familiar noose pose. "I'm the Truth!" The other two REFS come out since there's no Security around and Truth lets go. Hey, have you noticed we haven't seen any replays tonight? Replays cost MONEY

Backstage, Goldylocks has The Dupps. "One crude remark or look and I'm outta here - I mean it." "You know, Goldy, pink is my favourite colour - and ...in so many ways, so...I was just jokin', don't git all fahr'd up, Goldy, don't get all fahr'd up!" "We don't got no match tonight - hey - and where's Fluff at?" "What you mean where's Fluff at? You retard." "I left her with Pop Dupp." "What do you mean you left her with Pop Dupp? You remember what happened last time. The old man OD'd on Viagra and the sheep and Fluff walked funny for two weeks!" Who finds this funny? "But still...we still ain't got no match!" "Hey - I hear in the wrestlin' business all you gotta do is just bump into somebody..." They mash against Goldy for a bit. "HEY!" "You just bump right into 'em and you can have a wrestlin' match THAT night. I swear to God..." "You mean I'm gonna have me a match with...Goldylocks?" And he feels her up. "Look, pal, if you don't get your hand off my BREAST, you're gonna be singin' soprano - got it?" "Well...maybe do you think it'll work on a boy?" "Yeah. Yeah. Why don't you try that one - look at 'im, look at that fruitcake. Git 'im, Bo, git 'im, sneak up on him." Bo does the comedic sneaky stalk up to Ian Harrison (don't those security guys get tired of knocking on the door? "Watch it, Jake!" "Hey, are YOU talkin' to ME? I don't see anybody else around here. Are you talkin' to me?" "Do you have a problem with your hearing, boy?" "Them sounds like fightin' words. Maybe we just oughta take this on out to the ring." He slaps him and walks off. Harrison screams, and....

Jeremy is ready to introduce the main event but the DUPPS are out with wood in hand. So Borash changes up his announcement...

BO DUPP (already in the ring - Kentucky - with Stan Dupp) v. "SOME BIG MUSCLE HEAD GUY FROM THE BACK"
referee: Charles Tenay says the Iron Brit, Ian Harrison is 6'2", 300 pounds from Yorkshire, England - winner of Mr. Universe, finalist in Mr. Olympia and most importantly he can do the PEC FLEX! Stan helpfully sits on and borrows West's headset. Dupp pounds away on Harrison, kicks away, block, Harrison right, right, in the corner, right, right, knee, elbow to the back of the head. Beals across the ring. Clothesline. "That boy's got a big ol' X on his butt!" It's the Union Jack, but yeah. Stan thinks it's the crocodile hunter in there, although Bo is the one actually wearing the kharkis. Over the shoulder slam gets Harrison 2. Crowd chants "USA" which can't be a good thing. Suplex attempt countered - four forearms in the back by Dupp - runs into a shoulderblock. Harrison up and over, Dupp leapfrogs, forearm, big boot, jacknife splash - 1, 2, Harrison powers out! Clubberin' forearm by Dupp - tries the whip but Harrison ain't movin'. Harrison with a death suplex. 1, 2, no. Right by Harrison, press - and over the shoulder on a slam. Stomp. Maybe when he said "Jake" that was actually "Jack" with an accent, now that I think about it. Dupp up - gutshot, rakes the eyes, kick, kick, forearm, six or seven forearms, headbutt, "kick the X!" says Stan - Harrison powers him into the corner, shoulder, shoulder, shoulder, Dupp rakes the eyes. Into the ropes is reversed, Dupp ducks the swing but ends up in a powerslam - 1, 2, well he doesn't kick out but Charles halts his count. This means Stan missed his cue because NOW he's in with an axehandle to break it up - okay, you lose all your stars now...not that you had more than a quarter to begin with. (DQ 2:57) DUD Stan gets to stomping - into the ropes is reversed - Harrison with a Northern Lights suplex on Stan - Bo tries to swing the board - Harrison stops him and breaks it over his knee, which is apparently really impressive as the Dupps run away. This segment sure was a waste of time.

Backstage, Jarrett goes to the now unoccupied room, removes the board from the door handles and opens the door - Security holds him back - why? Oh, because Shamrock has *magically transported* himself into the room! He tries to get at Jarrett but they end up separated. Or he's used one of the many OTHER doors that we keep seeing. Anyway, as Jarrett is taken away, Harris tells Shamrock "we did this your way, now we're gonna do it mine. You go take care of your title, I'll take care of business back here."

Main event of the evening
NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: THIS IS SABU (challenger - Bombay - 235 pounds - with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week When We Had A Real Arena, Good Lighting, Better Production, Less Russo, Ohhh It's So Depressing, Isn't It) v. KEN SHAMROCK (champion - Lion's Den in San Diego, California - 252 pounds) in a ladder match with submissions counting
referee: Armstrong
Damn, they waste TWO MINUTES on clips from last week. You know, we're rapidly running out of show here! I guess this match is being kept short. Shamrock's world's most dangeous mutton chops have been scaled way back to tasteful sideburns. Feeling out process to start. Knee by Shamrock, knee, right, out of the corner, Sabu ducks, kick caught, Shamrock spins him around with a clothesline. Shamrock goes for the ankle but Sabu grabs the bottom rope. Shamrock kicks the back of the leg before releasing. Gutshot by Sabu, tries a cover - Armstrong actually counts 1 before remembering there aren't supposed to be any pinfalls counting in this match. So Sabu grabs a legscissors. Shamrock reverses, grabbing Sabu's leg. We stare up at the ceiling of the...what the hell is that, anyway? The belt hangs from it, whatever it is. Sabu grabs the bottom rope and we're back to Square One. From the back, Tenay gets word that Security has gone home, saying "screw it, I hope they all kill each other." EDGY Sabu shoots for an ankle - Shamrock counters with a bodyscissors and chinlock. Sabu tries to power out but can't escape. Sabu clenches his hands to keep the pressure off. I guess Sabu gets a foot on the rope because Armstrong calls for the break...of course, it'd be nice for the camera to SHOW us that, but oh well. Sabu tries to shake it off - Shamrock sweeps the leg with his hand. Lockup, knee by Shamrock, knee, kick, overhead kick, kick, snapmares him over and applies the headlock. Sabu gets a foot over the bottom rope and the camera waits a good long while before showing us why Armstrong is calling for the break. Kick by Shamrock. I wonder if they'll bother with the ladder tonight. Both men back up - lockup, side headlock by Sabu - Shamrock powers out, Sabu ducks the swing, Sabu with a clothesline. Sabu with an armbar! Crowd...doesn't care, I guess. Shamrock gets his other arm in and reverses to a leg scissors. Sabu to the bottom rope. Tenay has more news - next week, Ricky Steamboat will be in the house with "full authority!" Wow, THAT'LL stop the "by then we'll have forgotten he's suspended" Jeff Jarrett! Sabu with a slap - points to the ceiling - slap, slap, into the corner, springboard leg lariat - outside to the apron - somersault legdrop in - covers - Armstrong says "hey, you ain't foolin' ME again so Sabu looks for a submission - and goes for another armbar. Sabu pulls the hair - but Shamrock manages to reverse to an anklelock. This is as boring as it sounds. Sabu grabs the bottom rope - Shamrock seems annoyed - stomp, stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. European uppercut by Shamrock. Head to the buckle. Into the opposite corner - leaping side kick! Shamrock pulls Sabu to the center - Euro uppercut rolls Sabu outside - where he grabs the ladder. Shamrock runs at the ladder with a dropkick, putting Sabu down on the ramp. Shamrock out after him - Sabu right, Shamrock right, Shamrock throws Sabu off the ramp into a dancing grrl cage. Sabu put back on the stage. Shamrock walks him back to the ring and rams him into the ringpost. Sabu manages to put Shamrock into the barricade, though. Sabu going under the ring - he's got a table and sets it up on the ramp (no doubt so he can be run through it in a few minutes). Back to Shamrock - forearm, forearm sits him on the table. Sabu grabs a chair and hits the ring - Sabu points to the top - runs the ropes, to the chair, to the top rope, but Shamrock left about 45 minutes ago and Sabu goes through the table on his own...coming up with a rather nasty gash across his back and maybe we don't HAVE to zoom in on it, guys? Shamrock has the ladder in the middle of the ring...climbing up, got it unbuckled, some music is playing - well, that was a little early-- well, now the lights are out - they're back on - umm, well now MALICE is out - right, right, right, right, right, forearm across the back - and ahhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM him off the ladder! Malice climbs up and yanks the belt. Well what the fuck is that? Stop the clock. (DQ? 9:33) 1/2* Armstrong points to Shamrock - but Malice is on the ramp, holding the belt high. Credits are up and we're....really confused.

Man, we'll NEVER find out why Alicia was collecting all that money. (No, see, she got smarter - she's not doing it where the camera can see her anymore.) OHHHHHH

They should have started here if they were going to end up here. Compared to the Auditorium, this just looks bush league all the way around. It's clear they've not only cut back on the building, but no pyro - not that I miss the pyro they were using - no replay facility - all the mangers and women have evaporated - no screens for the people in the crowd - what there was of it - and I can't see how the people who had plunked down the tenner for the first five shows could watch THIS one and STILL feel like they were getting their money's worth.

Don't get me wrong - that tag match was really great, and the X match was good, but when they're buried underneath an OCEAN of crap (with a "K" - or perhaps a "VR") ...well, it's time to start checking life support on a regular basis.