Testify!

QUICK QUOTE: WWFE 15 7/16 (- 9/16)

DISCLAIMER: Blame civic duty

TONIGHT: Championships will be decided LIVE on RAW! Kane (without Tori) takes on Triple H for the WWF Championship! It's Olympic Champion vs. the People's Champion as Kurt Angle takes on the Rock! Chris Jericho and X-Pac once again for the Intercontinental Championship! You think they're worried about Ric Flair? OH HELL YEAH! (Well, MAYBE.)

Cloesed captioned symbol - Opening credits

Let the pyro fly - WE ARE LIVE for a night of Champions from the Igloo in Pittsburgh, PA 31.1.2K on the USA Network - tonight - RAW ... IS ... WAR!

NEW AGE OUTLAWS v. HEAD CHEESE for the tag team championship - If you're confused by the rapidity with which we go to a match, let me just tell you that there's no point in the WWF trying to give us a promo opposite Ric Flair, so we'll have this match now, and work on the storyline later. Dogg's a poet - I didn't know that. Sing along with the Champs! If Snow and Blackman won tonight, I'd be the HAPPIEST boy on earth. "All right, listen up - I'm sick of all these names - Head Count, Snow Bunnies - and especailly Head Cheese - now loock, we have a chance to win the tag team titles tonight, so let's concentrate, go out there, and kick some ass." "All right - but I've got one more - Snow Storm. Straight and to the point, what do you think?" "Whatever." "Okay, Perfect! You're gonna need this!" and he hands him a Bert & Ernie umbrella and a yellow slicker. "You better bundle up, 'cause here comes the Snow Storm!" Blackman says with every bit of emotion he can muster, "Knock it off! I'm serious!" "You're not open to Snow Balls?" and he brandishes a jock strap. "Steve...Steve?" Out they come and it's time for some WRESTLING - right? Holy crap! Screw the wrestling, there's DEAN MALENKO, CHRIS BENOIT, EDDY GUERRERO and PERRY SATURN arriving and sitting in the front row! "What the hell is going on here? We know, it's all over the Internet, they thumbed their noses at their last employer..." Well, it's over, folks. As Snow shakes their hands, the Outlaws doubleteam Blackman. Dogg takes Blackman's head to the corner, and fires away with rights, whip into the opposite corner is reversed, monkey flip fails, elbowdrop misses, dropkick from Blackman. Kick, off the ropes, reversed, slides under, enzuigiri misses, Dogg dropkicks him in the back. Snow tags himself in, duck, left, left, juke, jive, Snow grabs the right and delivers his headbutts - is Snow fired up seeing his four old friends in the crowd? Off the ropes, reversed, Gunn in the back, boot from Dogg, tag to Ass. Open shot, head to the buckle, Snow slides out of the whip attempt, duck, neckbreaker by Gunn for 2. Powerbomb coming up - but Snow breaks free, headbutts Ass repeatedly and covers - nope. Off the ropes, Snow holds on - but runs into a press slam. Is that a "head cheese" chant?" Ass splash in the corner - tag to Dogg. Dogg off the ropes with the wiggly wobbly wooxly kneedrop - for 2. Another look at the Four. Off the ropes, reversed, up and over, Dogg holds on, Blackman clotheslines him from the apron. Snow stomps away as referee "Blind" Earl Henber is distracted by Ass. Snow with a near fall. Dogg punches back. Big-time face rake by Snow. Into the ropes, Dogg's trick knee acts up. Hot tag to Gunn! Blackman in, Gunn on both men in a big way. Biiiiig back body drop to Snow, got Blackman for the jackhammer - "See ya later, bitch!" Snow breaks the count, though. Now Dogg in, and Snow out. Dogg following - whip into the barricade is reversed - and Snow hits a flying heel kick! Dogg falls into the front row - as he gets up, there's a staredown as Dogg was in their laps - now Dogg takes a swing - punches are exchanged (!) and Dogg takes the worst of it - everyone climbs over the barricade and to the ringside area - as Hebner tries to control the other three guys stomping on Dogg, Saturn is in the ring with a suplex on Ass - Guerrero with a frog splash on Ass! Dogg rolled back into the ring - Malenko in with a suplex for Dogg - in position for the TOP-ROPE HEADBUTT from Benoit on Dogg! Snow's music plays (No final bell - No contest? 5:00?) as the Four walk up the ramp and back to the locker room - WHAT THE HELL'S GOIN' ON HERE?? Well, Ross said about a hundred times that they haven't signed a contract - now WHY don't I believe him?

"Moments Ago" footage shows Dogg hitting Benoit first - so it's all HIS fault. I wouldn't be surprised if that frog splash collapsed Gunn's ribcage. There's Benoit's headbutt again. MAN it's good to see those four guys in the WWF - Kidman's a dink, by the way. I hope he, Douglas and Konnan are very happy

Cactus Jack thanks the Four for accepting his invitation. Saturn: "I haven't had fun in a long time!" Jack asks them how it felt to look out into the crowd - and see people! "Our fans pay to be here!" "The way to get noticed in the WWF is to make a lot of noise - and we'll have a LOT of fun - ALL NIGHT LONG..."

KURT

Tonight, Angle vs. the Rock, Triple H vs. Kane for the WWF Championship, Jericho vs. X-Pac, and a "Lumberjill snow bunny match" in a pit filled with snow!

Here's the first of the three WWF SuperBowl commercials - a bunch of babies pick up WWF mannerisms - that's probably the best one of the three

"WrestleMania 2000" for the N64 ad

Local spot hypes SmackDown! on UPN 44

WWF SmackDown! is coming to San Jose - whoops, no it's not! Once again the ad only goes about five seconds before stopping in favour of the national spot

And now, the Slam of the Week, brought to you by THQ's WrestleMania 2000 - from SmackDown! last Thursday, Edge is powerbombed through Christian and a table by Buh-Buh Ray Dudley

The Outlaws want to know what the Helmsleys are gonna do about the Four - Helmsley says that those guys don't even work here, why'd they start all that up by throwing the first punch? Just go beat their asses! Big Show interrupts proceedings to show off his eyewitness, security dude Jim Dotson. Dotson said from where he was standing, it looked like the Rock's feet hit first. Helmsley says that isn't enough proof to give Show the title shot - he needs some videotape evidence. Show says he'll bring it Thursday - but his patience is short and he's about ready to just take what he wants from Triple H. I guess I should note Tori sitting with X-Pac in this shot - bleah

CHRISTIAN (with Edge - you think you crow him) v. D-VON DUDLEY (with Buh-Buh Ray Dudley) - Slugfest to start, off the ropes we go, crossbody by Christian (or, if you're Ross, "Edge"), repeated right hands, referee "Blind" Tim White breaks it up. Dudley in control in the corner, whip out, Christiadn up and over, gutshot, right, on the second rope, tornado DDT, off the ropes, Buh-Buh Ray pulls his leg. Edge walks over, White outside to keep him away, Christian with a springboard plancha onto Buh-Buh Ray. Just to entertain me, Jim Ross embellishes every utterance of the word "Dudley" with "damn" - "those damn Dudleys, that damn D-Von Dudley, these damn Dudleys, those damn Dudleys" - Jesus, he's just BEGGING to get his ass kicked. Christian back in - D-Von slides him into the ringpost. Pounding away with rights, and kicks. Here's a double feature of Christian hitting the ringpost as D-VOn hits a flying forearm smash. Big-time punches. Got him up by the hair - that's a Slop Drop. Off the second rope - the headbutt misses. Christian back with rights, big back body drop. Apparently the Four are to be known as the Radicals. Atomic drop, side Russian legsweep, 1, 2, no. Into the corner, Christian has a head scissors - Dudley pulls him out of the corner and drops him to the mat face-first. Christian reversing - setting him up for the Tomokaze - but Buh-Buh Ray is up on the apron, distracting Christian, D-Von from behind, Edge up and in the ring with a thrust kick right on the button, and Christian hits a Slop Drop for the pin (3:21) and once again, although the (damn) Dudleys have lost the match, they'll win the war - Edge taken outside the ring over the top rope, Edge dropped on the barricade head first. Buh-Buh Ray produces two tables (Lawler: "Who puts those tables under there?") There's the "headbutt to the graun" spot on Christian. Finishing the set up of the table in the ring, Buh-Buh brings a chair into the ring, chair placed on Edge on the table, but before they can do the spot, the HARDY BOYZ are out and on the (damn) Dudleys. SUPER DDT OF D-VON THROUGH THE TABLE BY MATT! Buh-Buh Ray taken into the STEEL steps. A second table is set up and Buh-Buh is placed on it - Jeff with the SENTON BOMB THROUGH THE TABLE! The REFS & OFFICIALS are out too late

You know, I was just thinking. That last segment was all spots! Now that I think about it, I have *no idea* WHY I enjoyed it so much!

Backsage, the Hardy Boyz, Edge & Christian are introduced to the Radicals - and now the Mean Street Posse walk by and offer words of advice for the strangers - "don't mess with us!" Cactus Jack offers a formal introduction - and the Four promptly punk out the Posse with dispatch. Jack and the others look on with amusement.

TOO COOL v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW in a Handicap match - While I have you here, I have to add that this week's show is just a LITTLE bit better with Tony Chimel making the intros instead of Lilian Garcia - I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is. Have I yet mentioned Show's new "I'm Buff and I'm the Stuff" haircut? Did I follow it up with "What the HELL was he thinking?" Well, I MEANT to. Last Thursday, Show did a number on the Rock and also double-chokeslammed Too Cool - he's powerful, you see. We are told that Rikishi is NOT in the house tonight - he had a bit of an ankle problem following last Thursday (aha). They decide to rush him - and fail. Taylor's out. Sexay down with one punch. Clubbing forearm in the corner, whipped into the other corner, charge sidestepped, Scotty on the back, Sexay dropkicking, twice, third is swatted away - Taylor taken over, double dropkick, nope, double DDT DOES take the Big man off his feet. Double clothesline, double legsweep. They're gonna make a wish - ouch. Sexay choking away and it's time now for the Wurm. You'd be better served not to pose here - Sexay into the big boot off (sorta) from the ropes - he's got Hottie by the throat and up high - ahhhhhhhtheCHOKESLAAAAAM - boot in the gut for Sexay - POWERBOMB! Scotty is covered - 1, 2, 3. (2:15) No sweat, mimes the Big Show.

We take a look at the Rock backstage

We come back to see the Big Show watching the EntertainmentTron showing the Rock.

"Finally, the Rock has come back to Pittsburgh!" Rock says the Big Show is no longer a long-haired seven feet five hundred pound piece of monkey crap, he's a SHORT-haired seven feet five hundred pound sack of monkey crap. He doesn't care about the eyewitness - just listen to the fans chanting his name. Then he advises him to go back to Supercuts and get his five bucks back. Turning his attention to Kurt Angle, the Rock says Angle NEVER (and he means never) beat him (which is a lie), and tonight, he'll go out there and win a gold medal for kickin' his candyass all over Pittsburgh...if ya smell...and so on

Notice how never denies that he DIDN'T really win the Royal Rumble?

WrestleMania 2000 for the N64 ad #2 - I bet we get two more tonight before it's all said and done...

All right! Another funny

The "Snow bunny" playing field is being prepared ...as we pan up to see

OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST, CELEBRATED REAL ATHLETE, HOMETOWN HERO, INVENTOR OF THE POLIO VACCINE, GROUND-BREAKING THEORIST AND ALL AROUND SWELL GUY KURT ANGLE v. LA ROCA - Angle tries to attack before the bell, and fails. Rock quickly going to the stomps and punches as only he can. Head ot the buckle. Right. "Rock E" chant. Off the ropes, Angle with a kick, Rock with a clothesline. Angle goes outside. Rock follows. Here's a taste of the barricade for you. Angle blocks a table shot, Rock blocks a table shot, Angle FAILS to block a table shot. Rock appropriate's Ross' water and spits in Angle's face. Finally Angle comes back, blocking a timekeeper's table shot and delivering one of his own. "What is wrong with you people? What is wrong with you? I was born in this town! I was born five blocks from here in Mercy Hospital!" Rock from behind - and taking the mic. "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE YOU WERE BORN!" Dropping him on the barricade. Hey, back in the ring! "Rock E! Rock E!' Vertical suplex coming up - 1, 2, shoulder up. Rock with a right, right, right, right, right, right, threatening referee "Blind" Earl Hebner, right, right, right, right, threatening Hebner again, Angle with a low blow. Angle with a belly-to-back suplex - 1, 2, NO! Angle puts Rock in the corner and punches almost as many times as the Rock did. Standing on the neck. Angle trying to quash the chant - and failing. Rock with punches, Angle with a fantastic belly-to-belly suplex - but only 2. They wouldn't put Angle over here, would they? Right, right, Angle choking blatantly, standing on the neck again. Out of the corner, whip is reversed, Angle's boot is up, running into a gutshot and DDT, however - 1, 2, NO! Right hand, right, right, right, kissed right by the Rock. Off the ropes, reversal, but Rock held on - Samoan Drop garners another 2 count. Angle rolls outside to take a break - in fact, he's going ot leave - but TAZZ is out and putting him back in the ring! Right, right, right, off the ropes, swung around into a spinebuster - must be time for the People's Elbow - they say it's the most electrifying move in sports entertainment history. 1, 2, 3! There's the first pin of Kurt Angle - I think Rock owes Tazz a little something there. (5:32) Post-match, Tazz is ready to clothesline Angle outside the ring but Angle ducks and runs off - and Tazz ends up taking off *the Rock's* head with his clothesline before going after Angle. One would imagine that the Rock couldn't be too happy about THAT....

Back in a dressing room, the Acolytes are trying to play cards - but the Posse barges in demanding a little help. The Acolytes ignore them until they offer to pay for their help - then they empty their pockets on the table. After finishing their card game, they'll help them out, but before they get THERE, a light goes off in Bradshaw's head - "hey, I got it! The Acolyte Protection Agency!"

Chris Jericho (and Chyna?) are WALKING!

Meanwhile, X-Pac (and Tori) are WALKING!

Are you kidding me? It's only been ONE hour of this show? I have a feeling my ShootAngle.com column is already obsolete!

The Farm Club is NEXT! You'll watch because Dr. Dre and Eminem ASKED you to!

The Radicals are introduced around to various folks - Venis, Test, Godfather - heh heh, D'Lo Brown and Eddy Guerrero take turns saying "nice MOVE" to each other - Saturn asks "where are the GIRLS?" which seems strange, considering...well...you know

X-PAC (with Tori) v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO (with RAW credits and TV-14-DLV ratings box) for the Interchrisinental championship - before the champ enters, THAT SLUT CHYNA is out with her Bazooka - you know, she might as well just strap on that thing between her legs before...oops, sorry.

The Kat is WALKING! Also she's wearing bunny ears - "snow bunny," get it? Oh, and she's blonde again.

Here's her opponent - err, "Hervina" - WALKING! I'm sure we'll find out that's Stevie Richards in drag later...hopefully not AFTER he wins the Women's World Title...?

"Miss Congeniality" WWF Super Bowl ad - of COURSE the winner is from Connecticut! This ad wasn't as effective as last year's Super Bowl ad...could have been the lack of WWF Superstars, I don't know

WWF SmackDown! on UPN 44 local spot

Mankind (once again) invades Manhattan and eats Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Ravioli!

Bradshaw brandishes an aPa logo for Faarooq. The Dudley Boyz appear and ask for some protection against Christian & Edge and the Hardy Boys. They don't have any money - but "we'll write you a cheque." Faarooq says okay...but "if that cheque bounces - so do you."

Out come the Lumberjills for the next match - here's B.B., IVORY, JACKIE, LUNA TUNES, MAE YOUNG, and FABULOUS MOOLAH. Apparently it WASN'T a bad dream - Young is still (for storyline purposes) pregnant. Already the lumberjills are throwing snowballs at each other.

ERNEST

Cactus Jack and the Radicals - are - WALKING!! Jack suggests making the arrangement permanent - maybe they should go knock on Triple H's door...

Here's a look into WWF New York - is that Lilian Garcia in that crowd? Ahhh, that explains that. Word is, we'll hear about a great big press conference to take place here on Thursday...maybe later?

WrestleMania 2000 for the N64 ad #3 (#3, right?)

Cactus Jack tells Triple H that these are four of the greatest wrestlers of all time, and they're willing to work for him! Well, him and Stephanie, yeah. Jack says he's tired of seeing the Mean Street Posse on this show, look at who he can have! H says this is THEIR show. Stephanie says that they're just a bunch of troublemakers - they heard the stories - how they spent all that time backbiting, fighting their management down south, and even fighting amongst themselves! Benoit says all they want is an opportunity. Triple H says he'll file the offer in his computer and they'll think about it before he offers them an opportunity.

phonefree.com presents WWF No Way Out, from the Hartford Civic Center 27 February!

HARDCORE & CRASH HOLLY (with Scale Holly) v. VISSSSSSSSSSCERA in a Handicap match - Double clothesline from the big man to start. Bealing Crash over as referee "Blind" Teddy Long tries to get Hardcore outside. Off the ropes, knockdown. Ten story vertical suplex. Off the ropes, alleged spinning heel kick COMPLETELY misses but Crash sells it. That kick DOES connect, off the ropes, tag, knockdown, off the ropes, Hardcore with the Best Dropkick in the Business - Viscera falls into the ropes and as he's tied up, Hardocre kicks away. Choke on the second rope. Ross says they should sign the Four tonight and put 'em on SmackDown! Thursday. Crash in and peppering him with punches - not really having an effect, but Hardcore's kicks and chipping away at him. Viscera right back on Hardcore, here comes Crash again - he's SPUNKY! Hardcore with a kick, choke, on the second rope and choking again - Viscera to the face to stop THAT. Coming up later, Austin interview highlights, Lilian Garcia from WWF New York, and the commercial ABC banned! Holly kicking the knees, grounding the big man, THE CROWD GOES MILD! Still working the knee - there's an elbowdrop, and there's another. Dragging him to his corner, tagging Crash, who promptly kicks on the OTHER knee - oops. Anyway, on the back, Viscera gets up - Crash calls in Hardcore - no tag, but who cares. Into the ropes, reversed, fat ass splash - Samoan Drop, Crash breaks it up. Hardcore to the eyes,

Your hosts are a pair of kings, LARRY KING and JERRY LAWLER. They introduce the commercial rejected by ABC - I have no idea what was so offensive about it, but then, I'm a young man and haven't been around the world as many times as some of those Standards & Practices folks

Here's another look at WWF New York and the massive crowd that's gathered there - apparently, they were handing out yellow sheets for signs at the door

Up Next: Stone Cold Steve Austin and Jim Ross in "highlights" from Halftime Heat!

Here's an exterior of the arena. Tonight's show is sponsored by Chef Boyaree Overstuffed Ravioli, Castol Motor Oily, and Burger King!

Here's highlights from last night's Halftime Heat interview with Steve Austin. Why don't they have one of these with Droz? Oh...I see, it's all about MONEY - oops, was that too controversial for ya? Anyway, you want the specifics, go find the Heat report - hopefully it was covered there...

LILIAN GARCIA, live from WWF New York, tells us that there will be a big news conference this Thursday - all we are told about it is it will involve the WWF - and pro football! Ross professes ignorance - like I'm supposed to buy that. Anyway, we'll find out - THURSDAY!

The Hardy Boyz are WALKING! Ross promises another lesson for "those damn Dudleys" - NEXT!

WrestleMania 2000 ad #4 - may that be the last one until Thursday (since "ever" would just be wishful thinking)

Hey, how about another Farm Club ad? All-righty!

MATT HARDY (with Jeff Hardy) v. BUH-BUH RAY (DAMN) DUDLEY (with D-Von [Damn] Dudley) - I'm a little surprised to not see the Acolytes helping them out, what with that cheque and all. Buh-Buh Ray has his trance face on and sports some nice bruises. Ahh, HERE are the ACOLYTES as Dudley rushes the ring, and promptly finds himself on the wrong end of a barrage of punches and kicks from Hardy.

Outside, Cactus Jack talks with the Radicals. "Even Triple H can't be stupid enough to pass up on you..." and right on cue, here are the Helmsleys in the picture. They've been thinking about it, and they don't require their services in the WWF at the present moment - in fact, it's probably time they left. A couple cops are produced to escort them away. "We'll walk out - we've walked out of buildings before when we've not been wanted." Jack: "Hey Hunter - I'M thinking, too - I'm thinking you've just made a very big mistake..."

Here's a look at the four collectors' TV Guide covers - Ross and Lawler reveal that last Thursday SmackDown! set record ratings with the President Clinton's State of the Union Address as it's sole competition - then they draw the obvious conclusions.

TREBLE H (with Stephanie Ono) v. THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE - This is actually a build from an angle during yesterday's Cleveland house show - neat, huh? Champ enters first because TRADITION BLOWS. Or there's an angle a brewin' - hey, where IS Kane? Triple H has THE STICK. First, let's pause for this "slut" chant. "Kane-uh - now I know you're back there." "Asshole" chant at this point. "Now Kane, you're probably sittin' in some hole back there, shakin' like a leaf, cryin' - I can't very much blame ya - I wouldn't want to get in the ring with me either - I mean let's face it - after the week you've been having - I mean, you can't hang with X-Pac, I mean, really - you can't HANG with X-Pac, so Tori's gotta dump your burnt little ass and go with a real man... You've been beat up, you've been humiliated, and now you have to come out here before ME - before The Game - before the Man - before the World Wrestling Federation Champion,