TONIGHT: The new IC champ will defend against a shadow! No, it's a TBA. Also, why did Shane make his shocking return? And a final farewell - a video tribute to Mick Foley. Come back soon!

Opening credits and closed captioned symbol

AND PYRO! WE ARE LIVE from the granddaddy of 'em all - and let's hope that's the ONLY time we say "granddaddy" tonight - Madison Square Garden in the Big Apple - New York City, NY - LIVE - 28.2.2K and 24 hours after No Way Out, it's time for some FALLOUT!

TREBLE H & STEPHANIE ONO slowly walk to the ring. I would characterise them as "restrained," and the commentators are quick to pick up on the lack of smiles on the face of the champion. Let's see what he's got to say, right after this "asshole" chant: "You know, I guess I, ah, I probably should be out here basking in the glory of the greatest match of my life..." Crowd chants "Rock E" while Ross pretends to hear "Foley." "I should be out here savoring the moment, but I tell you the truth, I just can't do it. You see, last night, No Way Out, Hell in the Cell, Mick Foley and I about destroyed each other...now a month ago in this very arena, Mick Foley and I about destroyed each other then too - and if there's one thing I've learned over that time, it's that Mick Foley, I've got more respect for you than anybody I've had in my life!" "We want Foley" chant...or it is "We want puppies?" "I'm out here trying to pay respects to Mick Foley, you see, because I do have respect for him. Mick Foley earned my respect, and I can tell that each and every one of you has that same respect for Mick Foley." Well, Steph doesn't. In fact, she keeps giving the "what the heck are you doing" look to her husband - he says off mic "It's a guy thing." "Mick Foley, as a tribute to you, because hell if anybody in this world deserves a tribute, it's you, I've had the guys in production put together a little package that'll, ah, you know, chronicle your career, and well, hell, this is tribute to you, Mick Foley...Kevin Dunn, hit the package."

Well, gosh, it's actually a pretty straight package, complete with sensitive music and pretty good highlights...whoops, until the D-Genearation X theme kicks in and we cut to a bunch of spots of Foley getting his ass kicked by H, slapped by Stephanie, spliced with a bunch of extra special spots of ... Foley's ass. The last one has "THE END" on the screen. We look back to see the Helmsleys laughing their asses off. They fooled us all! Or something. Helmsley says of course the WWF will never be the same without Foley... it'll be a *million* times better. Stephanie: "After all, Mick...you really do have a lot to look forward to. Instead of just being a fat, smelly, disgusting LOOOZER, you can be a fat, smelly, disgusting, RETIRED loser! All thanks to MY husband, the World Wrestling Federation champion - THE GAME - TRIPLE H!" After a bit of snuggle time, "No Chance in Hell" fires up and out walks SKIPPY...with WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW. Will the McMahons collide...or embrace? Shane and Show joining them in the ring. Shane says this'll be handled "McMahon to McMahon - hello princess!" Just because Stephanie drove her father out of the business doesn't mean HE'LL sit idly by and let it happen. Shane says he's been biding his time waiting for the opportunity to align himself with a champion - but not Triple H - he's got his own agenda. And not the eyebrow raiser, the egomaniac...the Rock's a prima donna. No, HIS champion stands 7'2", weighs over 500 pounds and has no problems snapping a man's back in two. He's aligned himself with the future World Wrestling Federation champion ...with...with...well, I guess we can figure it out, 'cause he never seems to finish his thought. In fact, he never really explains how aligning himself with the Show is going to help him do...wait, what's he come back to do? DAMN I'm confused. Anyway, after an awkward silence LA ROCA appears at the top of the ramp - did he miss his cue? He seems about five seconds late. Rock "Now the Rock says congratulations to the four of you. No, Shane, not for you making your triumphant return during the Rock's match - no Stephanie, not for being the biggest tramp walkin' New York City - no Big Show, not for going on to WrestleMania, and no, Triple H, not for still being

So, like, are the Big Show and Triple H friends now? Will this get explained to me sooner or later? Hopefully? Eh.

Back in the APA's office, the Hardys approach. They want a little retribution - a match tonight. When the Acolytes fail to pay them the proper attention, they upend their poker table - then run off. The chase is on - it'll probably end in the ring...but not until this ad break's over!

The encore presentation of No Way Out...probably isn't worth full price. But hey, get a friend to split it with you! It's Cactus Jack's LAST match! (maybe)

And now, SNICKERS presents the WWF Slam of the Week! Or in this case, shove and slap - as Terri did to Jeff and Matt Hardy! DAMN but that Dominator looked SO WRONG last night...

Moments Ago - three paragraphs ago - This time Ross doesn't step on the funny line from Bradshaw: "At least go out the damn door!" Hahahaha, yeah right

HARDY BOYZ (alone again) v. ACOLYTES - Oh but it won't be pretty. Matt with a pescado, he's caught - Jeff hits a tope con hilo on the entire pile! And NOW the shirts are off! The Acolytes rush the ring and the bell rings. Bradshaw hit on the apron to take him to the floor, double legdrop on Faarooq in the ring. Snickers provides the Double Feature. Acolytes got their ass-kickin' gloves on. Faarooq hits a spinebuster on Matt while Bradshaw trips up Jeff coming off the ropes. Double shoulderblock on Matt, and now Bradshaw's all over Matt with power moves - off the ropes, big boot. Commentators discuss Bradshaw's CNBC appearance. 2 count. Sat up on the turnbuckle, two rights, Matt punching back, tornado DDT! Tag to Jeff, but Bradshaw bowls him over. Off the ropes, flying forearm from Hardy. Kick, into the ropes, reversed, duck, Bradshaw catches him for the fallaway slam. Tag to Faarooq - 2 count. Hardy with a surprise inside cradle for 2, Faarooq with a clothesline as he gets back up. Got him by the hair - and into Bradshaw's boot. Faarooq wailing away on him - tag to Bradshaw - off the ropes, shoulderblock, shot for Matt, who comes in and gets knocked down. Jeff's head meets the buckles, and Bradshaw tags out. Right to the abdomen, right to the face. Setting up for the Dominator, but Jeff shakes free and hits a faceplant. Crawling towards Matt, but Bradshaw tags in first, and knocks Matt off the apron. Whip into the corner, whip into the opposite corner (that was dumb - Jeff makes the tag - thanks Bradshaw!), Jeff flips out, Faarooq comes in to take him to the outside, while Bradshaw turns around into the surprise Twist of Fate! AND ROSS ACTUALLY CALLED IT THE TWIST OF FATE TONIGHT! Bradshaw is covered - 1, 2, 3!! (3:58) Call it an "upset?" Why not.

Kurt Angle bores a security guy by talking about the relative weights of both title belts

WWF: The Music (Volume 4) ad

Mankind might be out of the WWF - but he's still in them wacky ravioli ads...

OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST, CELEBRATED REAL ATHLETE, ROTARIAN, KIWANIAN, MOOSE, ELK and KNIGHT OF COLUMBUS KURT ANGLE v. ? - The Open Challenge was laid out, we learn. Hey, Angle on THE STICK! "Thank you, New York City! And unlike Darryl Strawberry, the only thing Your Olympic Hero is addicted to is capturing championships - I am! I am. And tonight, I am willing to put my European Championship belt on the line to ANYONE who will accept my bid, and as a man of integrity (which I am), any wrestler back there is more than welcome to come out here and take the Olympic challenge." The answer comes from...RIKISHI PHATU! Hey, Samoa ain't part of Europe! Phatu blocks a punch and cuts loose with three right of his own - scoop - and a slam - big drumstick drop! Angle sits in the corner, but before Phatu can rub his cheeks on Angle's cheeks, Angle hits a chop block, and another. Three right hands. There's four. Off the ropes, but Phatu catches him in a Samoan Drop - and here's the PHAT ASS SPLASH! And NOW he's gonna do that rubbin'. Angle rolls outside and does some comedic selling - then grabs his belts and the mic. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long puts on the count...and it looks like Angle has no interest in return until he's said "ten." (COR 1:31) "Hold on a sec, these people came here to see a wrestling match - not your butt in my face!" The explosion and music bring CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO & THAT SLUT CHYNA to the top of the ramp...and in Angle's path of escape. "Welcome to RAW is JERICHO! And Kirk Angel, Rikishi may have a giant ass, but you ARE a giant ass! And we would love to see you get the stinkface one more, a-gain..." and Jericho rushes Angle, pounds on him, rolls him into the ring - and there's the Rikishi Driver! Here's the Banzai Drop! Of course, the match is over and it doesn't count. The (ugh) RADICALS come out and go after Jericho, Chyna and Phatu - now TOO COOL is out and the ring is cleared of Angle and the Four. Play the music! Phatu is ready to leave - oh, but they have the glasses. Jericho and Chyna go to leave - but Too Cool produce two MORE pair of glasses. I have a feeling that NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE! Hey, I don't care HOW funny this is - IT AIN'T WRESTLING! This could be the FUNNIEST thing I've seen all night and the LOUDEST pop the crowd gives out but STILL, it's....ah, screw it. I'm biased. Jericho does a MEAN "scary monster."

Moments Ago - one paragraph ago

MICHAEL KING COLE interviews Chris Jericho - or attempts to, anyway. Before Chris can tell "Mitch" what's up - the (ugh) Radicals appear... Saturn issues a challenge - and I heard *Chyna* say yes...but not Jericho...or is it a tag match? I guess we'll find out later tonight...

EDGE (you think you sew him) & CHRISTIAN

The Rock ponders his fate.

There's the Empire State Building! And there's MSG!

LA ROCA v. BROOKLYN BRAWLER - Ross says we've got about 18K in the house tonight - is Rock entering FIRST, to boot? "From Miami, Florida, 275, THE ROCK!" Umm, Lilian Garcia missed a lotta words there. Big hometown welcome for the Brawler...well...sorta. Rock meets him out on the ramp, and after an impressive display of punching and kicking, throws him in the ring. Brawler catches him after the bell rings with a rather longish onslaught of ...ready? ...brawling. Rock turns it around, though - punch, punch, punch - NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! Whip is reversed - no, wait - Rock Bottom! 1, 2, 3 (:30) Garcia announces the winner as "the Rook." It IS a human game of chess! Well, it ain't over yet. Rock has THE STICK for the second time: "Triple H - the Rock says you think you're real cute, making the Rock face the Brooklyn Brawler. But right now, Triple H, you probably think that the Rock is just gonna go back to his hotel - well the Rock says this. He doesn't feel like leavin' New York City! So Triple H, the Rock says bring your candyass out here - oh but don't worry, it's not gonna be a WWF title match, it's not gonna be a #1 Contender match, it's gonna be the Rock kickin' Triple H's candyass match!" Crowd chants "Rock E" for a bit and now the music starts up and TREBLE H & STEPHANIE ONO are out - Stephanie trying to hold back Hunter - before they get to the bottom of the ramp, SKIPPY & WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW are *also* out - Shane puts himself between them and says he's seen this happen a thousand times, and that it's NOT happening tonight - it'll happen AT WrestleMania, and between Helmsley and the Big Show, STOP! Don't get goaded into it. Rock says if WrestleMania will be Triple H and the Big Show, then WrestleMania "will absolutely suck." Thbbbbbpht. After a brief powwow on the ramp, Stephanie decides

WrestleMania magazine ad. "Celebrate the visionary genius of Vince McMahon?" You know, I THINK that's laying it on just a BIT thick there...

Yeah yeah, farmclubdotcom is next, yeah, okay, fine

THAT SLUT CHYNA (with RAW credits) lovingly strokes her bazooka.

SNICKERS presents WrestleMania - Sunday 2 April!

CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO (with TV-14-DLV ratings box) v. PERRY SATURN (with Dean Malenko) - oh, Jericho has Chyna in his corner. She got her own entrance because...because...well, let me get back to you on that. That bazooka - or somebody else's - is probably involved in the reasoning... It's a slugfest at first, Saturn in command, Jericho ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own, repeated rights by Jericho, kneelifts, knife-edge chop, another, into the ropes, Saturn reverses, holds on, and there's a gutwrench suplex. Into the corner we go - Saturn driving his head into the abs, scoop and a slam, legdrop off the second rope - 2 count. Ross plants the seeds of doubt by telling the world he thinks the Rock will win tonight. Saturn with knees, chop, into the opposite corner, Jericho puts up the boot, but runs into a clothesline. Big boot from Saturn, elbow, whip into the corner is reversed, Jericho with a bulldog, stomping on him, elbow, in the rope, Saturn ducks, 'rana attmempt is countered with a DOUBLE POWERBOMB! Ready for the Lionsault, but Malenko pulls the second rope out of his way and Jericho FLIES to the outside. Chyna is over - and Malenko FLOORS her with a right hand (wow!), then puts her in the ring for Saturn and starts a spirited debate with referee "Blind" Jack Down - Saturn, behind his back, hits a backdrop suplex on Chyna!!!! Jericho is over to deal with Malenko, and he's back in the ring - but Saturn puts a knee between the shoulderblades, and then repeatedly into the head. Again Malenko is up to argue with the ref - this time it's CHYNA striking with a Golota. Kick to the face by Jericho, Lionsault, thank you, drive through. (3:02) Jericho only asks the ref to raise his hand once - wotta pussy. Chyna says "piece of crap" and I'm guessing a Chyna/Malenko match for SmackDown!

In the DX locker room, Dogg tells Gunn that he can't compete tonight with his arm in a sling, so don't take it the wrong way that it's himself and X-Pac getting the shot at the tag titles - it's still DX, it's still in the family. Gunn protests and protests again - Triple H enters the picture and confirms that tonight, notwithstanding the #1 Contenders, a title shot DOES go to the Dogg and X-Pac. Gunn tells H that even with only one arm, he's still twice the wrestler that Triple H is. H WAFFLES him and a tripleteam beatdown happens. Looks like we won't be seeing King Ass anytime soon...

SEXUAL CHOCKLIT MIZARK HENRY (with Mae Young) v. CRASH HOLLY (with Scale Holly) for the Hardcore championship - Let Us Take You Back to Last Monday and a Viscera splash that somehow managed to avoid killing the unborn imaginary child inside Young. "Elroy" chant, as you might expect. Lockup, gobehind by Holly, Henry parts the fingers and bumps him backwards. Meaty forearms. Into the ropes, Crash holds on and goes under. He's looking for furniture, but Henry's on him. Blocked a shot to the apron, kick, elbow, into the STEEL ringpost, and Holly goes under the apron. He's got a 2x4! HOOOOOOOOO - whack! Into the ring, stomp, kick in the corner, whip into the opposite corner is reveresed (surprise), there's a chocolate splash. Hiptoss 3/4's of the way across the ring. Young is in the ring and she wants to get HER some - off the ropes, splash! But she comes up clutching her abdomen following the move. Henry and referee "Blind" Chad Patton call for some help. Ross gets all "serious silent" as FABULOUS MOOLAH, PAT PATTERSON & GERALD BRISCO lead the EMT's - they ROLL her onto the gurney (well isn't that BRILLIANT) and Young turns on the water works as Lawler and Ross pretend to appreciate the GRAVE URGENCY of the situation, and...ugh, does this mean this angle is FINALLY over? And when I say "over," by the way, I mean "done," not "over." (No contest? 2:45?)

If I have to explain to you how I have no problem with Crash Holly/Mark Henry getting a no contest when, at the same time, I get all bitchy and pissy when the Harris Boys destroy a Booker/Billy Kidman matchup, then you might as well stop reading.

Moments Ago - two paragraphs ago - we now hear that Mae Young is in labour! Oh for the... "During the Break" footage shows the gurney being wheeled off...

And now in real time, the EMT says we won't make it to the hospital, better wheel her in to this room so she can go through 40 minutes or less of labour...for a baby...hmm, about six months premature... but it's okay, 'cause it gives Patterson and Brisco a chance to be "wacky."

RAW is WAR is brought to you by Chef Boyardee Overstuff Ravioli, Castrol Motor Oily, and phonefree.com!

TAZZ v. CHRIS BENOIT (with Eddie Guerrero) - lockup, quickly to the corner, both men throwing down, off the ropes, back elbow by Benoit, snap suplex, off the ropes, with an elbowdrop, cover, 1. Tazz and Benoit exchanging punches - big "ECW" chant - foot up in the corner, but Tazz comes back with an overhead suplex. Referee "Blind" Tim White talking to Guerrero on the ring apron and missed the cover. Jockeying for position - Tazz with a 270 powerbomb, Guerrero AGAIN ties up White, to the point that White actually SHOVES him off the apron. And now White goes outside and ejects him. Guerrero kicks dirt on his shoes, HA! Back in the ring, off the ropes, Benoit holds on, waistlock by Tazz, Benoit slips out and knees away, now HE'S put on the waistlock - German suplex! Holding on for a second but before he can hit the third, Tazz locks in the TAZZMISSION! Don't ask me how - unfortunately for him - AND us - the camera spied BIG BOSSMAN & PRINCE ALBERT IN A CAN out to ruin this match (DQ 2:02) Now then, THIS is a match I would rather have liked to see, though. Is there some "no clean finishes this close to Leap day" clause in effect tonight? Geeeez! Benoit at least gets his third German suplex in before leaving Tazz to the New Twin Towers. Tazz manages to fight back and actually puts the Tazzmission on Bossman at one point, but he's one and they're two. Bossman bringing in the furniture - Albert hitting his "whirlybird" on the chair. Bossman takes the mic and says that New York's hometown boy sucks as bad as NYC proper. "Hey Tazz, the mood has about to chain!" Hey, what the HELL does THAT mean?

WrestleMania all day long! I bet we see more Hogan and Hart than they show in this ad (which is to say NONE). Only $49.95! WM2K by itself is $34.95, so YOU decide if the extra fifteen clams is worth it. More likely, the twelve hours in front of the television is what you'll have to decide on...

After the break, Young screams a lot - and then toots. FARTING IS *GOLD*, BABY!! The EMT can't get it - Patterson helpfully offers his personal set of Vise-Grips that he carries with him everywhere. After some crazy sound effects, the EMT emerges with...um...with...hell, I STILL don't know what it was. Whatever it was, it DAMN sure wasn't worth this ride. No, I DON'T care. Now let's NEVER hear of Mae Young's "pregnancy" again. Brisco spits up, yay! ALL HAIL SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT!

THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ v. X-PAC & ROAD DOGG (with Tori) for the tag team titles - "King...I didn't think she was pregnant all along..." Hey Ross, go screw yourself TWICE for me, okay? Jesus. By the way, Ross, just to stave off any mistakes you might make down the road, here's some free advice for you - the BLACK guy is D-VON. Write that down, it might help you call this MATCH. It's a Pier Four brawl to start - D-Von hits a flying jalapeno on X-Pac to take him outside, so we're left with a powerbomb/neckbreaker on the Dogg. Right hand by Buh-Buh Ray. Nice vertical suplex. Shot for X-Pac as well. Tell me, who are the faces in this matchup? Buh-Buh Ray holds Dogg for the headbutt to the graun spot, but when D-Von fails to notice, Buh-Buh Ray just punches him in the 'nads anyway. Tag to D-Von, sent into the ropes, spinning back elbow. Snapmares him over and into the rear headlock. Oh, I guess D-Von was setting up tables when he wasn't there to headbutt him. Dogg getting to his feet - gutshot, another, hold broken, off the ropes with a Sunset flip - Buh-Buh Ray reaching for the tag but the Sunset flip is completed - 1, 2, no! D-Von clotheslines him down and tags. Scoop - and a slam. Two elbowdrops - and there's a third. 1, 2, shoulder up! In the corner, open-handed slap, Dogg fires back, back and forth we go, slap to the face by the Dogg, headbutt, right, right, right, Buh-Buh Ray stops it with a thumb in the eye. Off the ropes, Dogg ducks, left, left, left, juke jive, shot for D-Von as he comes in, but Buh-Buh Ray hits a clothesline. Hard Irish whip into the corner, Dogg puts up the boots, then knocks him down with a lariat on his way out. Tag to X-Pac! Duck, spinning heel kick, spinning heel kick for D-Von. Buh-Buh Ray takes X-Pac into the corner, but he sidesteps the charge and hits his trifecta - and here's a broncobuster! But the lights go out and the explosion and music hit...THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE (and Paul Bearer). In the ring and going for X-Pac - Road Dogg tries to head him off and gets a chokeslam for his troubles. Here's one for D-Von - and here's one for Buh-Buh Ray. DX beats a retreat while Kane sets the ringpost flashpots alight. Ummm...I dunno, call it (no contest 5:20ish) - I guess it's just not a night for the definitive finish...sigh.

Hey, how 'bout one more encore presentation ad?

farmclubdotcom makes me miss "Happy Hour" - just kidding

Another exterior shot of En-Why-See

Back in the office, Triple H and Big Show forge an uneasy alliance

Your hosts are a pair of kings, LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER. They'll both miss Mick Foley.

And here's a Special Video Look at Mick Foley, set to "I Will Remember You" by that chick with the short hair. I was supposed to type something here....but I guess I got caught up in watching this package and forgot. Sorry.

The MSG crowd gives a standing O for Foley... wherever he is...

Meanwhile, SCREW Foley! The Rock is WALKING! You know, JUST once...just ONCE you could have given us a nice fade to black. Just ONCE. Was that too much to ask? For Foley? Just ONCE? And WHY am I so pissed off tonight?

WrestleMania is *5* weeks away! Why wait? Have a SNICKERS!

WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (with Skippy) and TREBLE H (with Stephanie Ono) v. LA ROCA - Now, Ross has said so many times that he feels that the Rock is going to win tonight - can we only hope that he's said it JUST enough to sabotage the Rock's chances and ensure that it DOESN'T happen? After all, if Rock DOES win tonight, what was the point of us plunking down the hard-earned cash and buying *yesterday's* PPV? For an encore, Ross cuts loose with "Certainly ironic to me that these two men that are joining forces tonight will face each other at WrestleMania for the WWF title...that is, unless..." Lawler jumps all over that but Ross was just pausing for the ring introduction and didn't finish his thought. Lawler makes fun of Ross' senility and general blubbering, and Ross tells Lawler to kiss his ass - golly, what a thin skin he's developed lately! H and Show having a few issues about who's gonna start against the Rock - H jumping Rock but falling prey to repeated punches - KISS THAT RIGHT, ROCK! Right, right, H blocks a turnbuckle to the head and hits one of his own. Right, whip is reversed, back elbow by Rock, right, whip into the corner, FLAIR FLIP! Rock with a shot for Show out on the apron while he's at it - now going outside after H - head to the STEEL steps - they're fighting up the ramp... Show finally catches up to them from behind now and taking it to the Rock. Hey, if it's a double countout, how do we decide who fights at WrestleMania? Well, anyway... after a back and forth on the outside, Show puts Rock into the barricade, then rolls him back into the ring, where H meets him. Rock with a clothesline

I LOVE seeing the Rock get his.

But does it make up for that shit with Mae? Brrrrrr....