/27 March 2000
WWF RAW is WAR
QUOTE OF THE
WEEK: We give you what you want. T and A. T is
for Test and A is Albert. T and A also stands for tits and ass. These are
my tits and this is my ass. And that is why this team is called T and A.
Also because those are the first letters of their names. - Trish
Stratus (fitness model) - well, Kil's imitation of her on tOA actually,
but let's face it, it's much MUCH funnier this way
RADIO RADIO: I was invited on the People's RealAudio Show, but at 7am on a Saturday I like to sleep, so I had to turn him down. Just as well....I heard Dusty hated that show. (Just KIDDING John!!) Supposedly I've proven my value as a radio guest (because with my face, I was BORN for radio) so watch this space for upcoming appearance on YOUR dial!
TONIGHT: Kurt Angle goes one on one with Kane! The McMahons are officially "the most dysfunctional family on television" and I have a sneaky suspicion we'll see at least four of them...so hey, why WOULDN'T you want to keep it locked in on USA?
QUICK QUOTE: WWFE 16 3/4 (+ 3 1/4)
DAMN that Walker is so SMOOOOTH - but what's she see in that guy? He's old enough to be her GRANDFATHER!!
One World Leader Attitude - TV-14-DLV - WWF! Hey, with WrestleMania
coming up - you think they'll change this show opener Sunday? They've used
this one two years....not coincidentally, as long as I've been with
Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! with a very special series of clips of Stephanie showing where she got her acting ability - from her mother. For the first time, we get "bitch" without a bleep, so that's something I guess.
Opening Credits sure seem to have a lot more Rikishi and Angle than before - but the same amount of close captioning logos
Go ahead, put up that TV-14-DLV logo one more time - now hit the PYRO and pan the crowd! Who takes a Greece flag to a wrestling show, anyway? The answer to this and many other questions may arrive tonight... The Compaq center in Houston, TX is SOLD OUT and on this night - 27.3.2K ... RAW ...IS ... WAR!
LINDA McMAHON comes out to "WrestleMania" and it looks like the graphics have a new font and fade-in. Oh, man, this'll be exciting, won't it? "On behalf of all of the McMahon family, let me apologise to each and every one of you for the terrible spectacle that took place in this ring last Thursday night in SmackDown! I can not tell you how embarrassing and degrading it was for me. For the past few weeks and months, I've sat in our corporate headquarters running the business on a daily basis until I felt that I could not stay there any longer, because I was seeing how ugly things were becoming with my family. So I came, and I took a stand, and yes, I did make the Fatal Four-way elimination match for WrestleMania and I think that was the right decision. Mick Foley deserves his chance to live a lifelong dream to be in the main event at WrestleMania, and I think that was the right decision then, and it's the right decision tonight, but in giving Mick Foley his opportunity to live a dream, I personally unknowingly had to live a nightmare. I - I cannot begin to tell you what it was like to stand in this ring last Thursday night - staring into the - hateful, cold blue eyes of my only daughter - listening to her say those terrible things - I was stupefied. And then, to be struck across the face, down to the mat was humiliating and so hurtful, I cannot describe to you. Stephanie, I know you can hear me. I haven't always been a perfect mother, I'm sure but I have always tried to give the best direction and guidance I knew how to give, and certainly I gave you nothing but love and devotion for all of your 23 years, and for that reason, Stephanie, I know I did not deserve to be treated the way you treated me last Thursday night - it wasn't fair - undeserved. So tonight, Stephanie, I'm asking - no, I'm not asking, I AM demanding that you come out here now and apologise not only to me, but to the fans and to our entire family....come out now." Geez, it's like they said "just talk - no pauses - just get it all out - don't lock up - just say it - say it - say it." Linda's the MASTER OF MONOTONE. Anyway, Ross kicks into "story mode", going out of his way to tell us what a good mother Linda is. We look to the curtain...but instead of Stephanie, "No Chance in Hell" plays and out comes BILLIONAIRE VINCE. "Thank you. While we're waiting for our daughter to come out here, I couldn't help but come out, Linda, and stand next to you, so that we could both hear what I hope to be Stephanie's apology. However, as of late - it's no secret between you and I - I must say that I've been concerned with your actions as of late, leaving the corporate arena and coming into this one. And I was concerned obviously because of your personal welfare. And unfortunately, I was - well, I thought that what might happen was gonna happen, not necessarily with Stephanie, I didn't know what it was gonna be. But when you left the corporate arena and came into this one, I was fearful that something like Thursday night would happen. Which is why I don't necessarily agree with your stance of leaving one arena into the other one - I respect it, but it's also a reason why I'm so concerned about you being physically in Mick Foley's corner at WrestleMania." "Vince, I appreciate that but I think you've known me a long time and you know that I can take care of myself." Linda SMILES!! She shows EMOTION!! "No doubt about that - it's one of the reasons I fell in love with you a long, long time ago - but it is for that reason - my concern for you at WrestleMania, and I hope that after all is said and done, and I hope that in no way no harm comes to you at WrestleMania, I hope you won't be angry with me when it's me raising the hand of the new WWF Champion, the Rock." Smiles are exchanged all around. "But as for Stephanie, as for Stephanie - I know you can hear my voice as well, Stephanie - and if you are made of the same stuff - if you do have the guts the rest of your family does, then you will come out here and apologise to your mother, apologise to your family, apologise to the world, and you'll do it, by the way - you'll do it without your degenerate husband at your side! C'mon Stephanie, we don't have all night - do you have the guts or not?!" "My Time" and the accompanying lighting treatment fire up and out walks STEPHANIE ONO alone. There must be something wrong with her head, it keeps cocking over to the side like that! "Let me get this straight - the two of you - my mother and my father - are DEMANDING that I come out here and are DEMANDING that I apologise. Well I guess every child should do what their parents tell them to do so - here I am." We now take pause for the "slut" chant. "I bet you two think my actions last Thursday were deplorable - un-ladylike - and downright rude. Well...I've reflected on my actions last Thursday, and I've watched the footage, and...you're right. It was wrong for me to slap my mother. It was...almost an-an act of cowardice on my part, and it was disrespectful to you, Mom. I- I can't even offer you an excuse, I don't know why I did it, it, it came out of nowhere, I just felt all this RAGE build up inside me, and...Mom, I apologise. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to - to slap you, Mom. What I really wanted to do was SLAP DAD and if I could do it all over again, Daddy, I'd slap you across the face just as hard as I could." "I'm gonna come up there, and I'm gonna blister your little fanny 'til it turns blue!" Well, before we go THERE, here's TREBLE H to probably tell him that HE is the only man doing that kinda action on Steph these days. "What the hell kinda family did I marry into?" Ha! "You know, it - you guys have gotta be the head of THE most dysfunctional family on the planet!" "Why don't you come down here in the ring and find out how dysfunctional I can be, come on! Right now!" "See Vince, that is your whole problem - you're a violent man, you need counseling or something. You lash out in anger - not like me. I am out here to simply be the voice of reason. To be the calm, cool, collected one that can help smooth this whole thing over - Vince, I don't like to fight - I'm not a violent man! You need help, though - some type of a counselor or something. But I'll tell you what, you know..." ["asshole" chant] "You know,
to steal a
line from Stone Cold Steve Austin, I don't know if you can hear it, but
you've got twenty thousand people call(beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)"
"I've said it before, and I'll say it again - like I give a crap about any
of them. You know Vince it dawns on me, while I stand here looking at two
dinosaurs in that ring that you should have packed up and gotten out of
town a long time ago - you have worn out your welcome in this business.
It is time to move out the old and move in the new. It is time for your
ancient era to resign and it is time for a new era to run the show.
Vince, do the right thing..." "Big" plays as SKIPPY walks out, past the
Helmsleys and out to the floor just in front of the ring. "I happen to
agree with Triple H on one thing, that we do need a voice of reason here.
Mom, you and I both know that we're the only two level-headed McMahons in
this arena...but let me focus on one thing. Stephanie, what you did last
Thursday night, when you slapped our mother across the face, it was a
cowardly act. It showed your true colours because you are gutless, it
made me sick to my stomach. You are nothing more than a pretentious
spoiled brat. Stephanie, I hope that picture of slapping our mother lives
in your memory forever and it rots and festers your guts until the day
that you die. How could you do such a thing? How could you slap our
mother? When you slapped her down to the mat, and those beautiful blue
eyes were full of tears, how on earth could you do that? How could you
stand there and slap the very woman who has nurtured you and given you
everything in your life?" Linda is over to give him a hug as he walks
through the ropes. "On behalf of this side of the McMahon family, I
apologise to everybody...and Triple H and Stephanie, I will stand against
you at WrestleMania. I stand against the very unit of your marriage
'cause frankly it makes me sick...but as it rates to this new regime, this
new ah - this new era, well I gotta say...hey guys, I'm with ya on that
one." and he CLOCKS Vince with the mic at the base of the skull! Two more
pounds - now the Helmsleys hit the ring and Triple H adds to the beatdown
on Vince - finally Linda is over to grab Shane by the hair and pull him
away...now Stephanie grabs HER and dares Shane to strike back - but before
we find out it he'll do it, MICK
FOLEY is out and on Triple H. Linda hightails it
and so does Stephanie. Shane tries to get Foley from behind, but it only
bothers him - as he turns around and advances on Shane, here comes
WELL IT'S THE BIG
SHOW. Foley punching away on Show, headbutt by
the Show, clothesline by Triple H. Show clotheslines him over the top to
the floor. Back to Vince - right cross by H - Pedigree coming up, H
pointing to Linda, who watches from the floor...but now LA ROCA is out *just* in the
nick of time. Rock all over Triple H - Show advancing too late - but
finally they get it together as H saves Show from Rock Bottom -
ahhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM! H gives a Pedigree to Foley - and now to complete
the beatdown, H waffles Vince with the WWF championship. H puts a foot on
Vince's chest as his music plays - we get the reaction shot from
Linda...clearly she's feeling SO many emotions that she can't even choose
ONE to show US!
The Fatal Four-way highlights the big big card - WrestleMania is SUNDAY! Not going anywhere until then? Have a SNICKERS!
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - not only is Ross shocked, he's appalled! Chokeslam! Pedigree! Waffle! Twenty-five minutes and counting with no matches!
THAT SLUT CHYNA lifts her bazooka as we're reminded that Snickers brings you WrestleMania Sunday! Oh, sorry, this is actually a match...I didn't know we were having any tonight...
THAT SLUT CHYNA & CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO v. CHRIS BENOIT & EDDIE GUERRERO - "Welcome to RAW is JERICHO! And Chris Benoyt, ever since you came to the World Wrestling Federation, you have not smiled once - and I know the reason for that, you're in denial. You're not the Canadian Crippler, uh uh - you're the Robotic Crappler, and the reason for that is - 'robotic' because (monotone) the way you walk and the way you talk is completely mechanical - and 'crappler,' well that's because Y2J and every Jerichoholic in here knows that you absolutely STIIIIIINK!" New music for Benoit? Chyna wants Guerrero and it looks like it'll start that way. Oh, wait, Eddie's arm hurts - he tags in Benoit before any contact. Chyna faces Benoit - then Guerrero comes in and pounds her down from behind - ha! Is Eddie the man or what? Double stomppfest - Jericho gives a shot to Benoit from behind as referee "Blind" Tim White gets Guerrero back to his corner. Chyna's head to the corner - shot for Jericho - calling in Guerrero - double whip - Chyna ducks the charge of Guerrero, then hits a drop toehold, taking Benoit into Guerrero! Tag to Jericho, who is a house afire. Chop for Benoit, chop, Benoit reverses, ducks the clothesline - double leg takedown - Walls of Jericho already? No, Guerrero over to break it up - Chyna over with a right hand for Guerrero, right, right, clothesline over the top rope to the floor. Meanwhile, Jericho hits a double underhook into a
powerbomb - ready to hit the Lionsault but Guerrero grabs the
ankle on the second rope and halts it. Benoit covers Jericho - 1, 2, 3!
(1:54) On the
outside, Chyna is working over Guerrero, but Benoit comes
out to change the momentum - they work on Chyna until Jericho slides out
with a baseball dropkick on Benoit! Outside and over the barricade -
Jericho and Benoit brawl off, while Guerrero gets in the ring, Chyna right
behind him. Guerrero begging off on Chyna - and just long enough for
MALENKO & PERRY SATURN to come in from behind and
punk out Chyna.
Tripleteam beatdown occurs until - you guessed it - TOO COOL comes out to
make the save. Remember friends, these three in the ring will take on
those three on the aisle THIS SUNDAY AT WRESTLEMANIA! ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW!
MICHAEL KING COLE interviews Vince McMahon backstage - he's concerned for the welfare of his wife. But even more than that, he thinks everyone should be concerned for the welfare of Shane, 'cause he's gonna call out Shane. Linda asks him to please stop the madness - hasn't there been enough of this already? Vince puts up a hand for her to talk to. "Thank you - this is my arena - not yours. Shane McMahon - yeah. I'm calling his ass out...tonight."
The WWF Slam of the Week is brought to you by SNICKERS! From SmackDown!, the Big Show takes out the Mean Street Posse, who were dressed up as his Fatal Four-way opponents.
HARDCORE HOLLY v. CRASH HOLLY (with Scale Holly) for the Hardcore Championship - Let Us Take You Back to Last Thursday where Hardcore tried to make off with the Hardcore title through devious means. Hardcore immediately hits the Best Dropkick in the Business. If they hit the highspot, it must be time to get it done - Amazingly, just like that, TAZZ brings out "Blind" Jack Doan and T-bones Hardcore, then chokes out Crash - but Hardcore breaks THAT up. The HEAD BANGERS lead "Blind" Chad Patton over to Crash, who is trying to walk out. 2x4 to the gut! Thrasher covers and Mosh prevents the count. Now everybody's outside the ring and brawling - VISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSCERA joins the fray, bringing apparently another referee with him. Crash slips out as the Head Bangers work over Viscera. We cut backstage where the MEAN STREET POSSE and referee "Blind" Teddy Long are in wait - of course, Abs breaks a bottle over Gas, and Rodney does the same to Abs. Crash manages to escape THAT battle and walk down a hall with his own referee "Blind" Jim Korderas, following him. Coming across KAIENTAI in the hall, he asks "Do you know a way out of here?" Finding that they don't understand him, Crash gives us a "fiddlesticks" hand motion and lurches off - Taka Michinoku takes him down then works him over with the flag of Japan while Sho Funaki liberates Korderas of his stripes. Michinoku covers and Funaki counts in Japanese - but Tazz breaks up the cover. Everybody stumbles into the picture as we go to an outside camera - Crash is out first, and hiding behind a trashcan - everybody goes the wrong way and looks confused - too bad they weren't watching the cameraman, who kept swinging back to the trashcan to watch Crash. Anyway, Crash staggers away and then back in, taking care to lock the door behind him. Is that it? Guess so, they're playing his music. (Just over 2:00)
Cole interviews Shane, who can't wait to get his hands on his father....but to directly address the challenge for tonight..."no" and then he walks off. Yeah! Somebody actually denied a challenge! Gooooooo Shane - well, I'm sure this won't stick, but hey.
Rikishi Phatu is WALKING! We are treated to the very special "look at his ass" camera angle. KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY catches up to him and asks for a few words about his upcoming opponent, the Road Dogg. "My ass...in his face!"
When we come back, WOW! Michael Cole stands in front of an EXCITING door!
Courtesy: NBC, the Rock appeared on the Tonight Show last Friday so here's a clip
ROAD DOGG v. RIKISHI PHATU - Dogg's a poet,
it? Let Us
Take You Back to SmackDown! where Dogg, X-Pac and friends participated in a
beatdown of epic proportions 'pon Too Cool and this man right here. Dogg
tries to get in the first blow, but nope. Right, right, hard into the
corner, opposite corner, Dogg ducks, left, left, left, juke, jive, right,
off the ropes into a superkick. No effect, I guess. Phatu trying to limp
for our benefit. Dogg slumped in the corner - it's stinkface time! Gotta
hit all these spots quick 'cause we only have one minute slotted for this
match - sure enough, Dogg walks out of the ring and referee "Blind" Teddy
Long, somehow let back in the building quickly counts him out
TOO COOL come
out and NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE! I'm
*praying* for another beatdown but not tonight, I guess...why yes, this
DOES take longer than the match. Up yours, wrestling fans!
Michael King Cole stands with the Rock - he tries to bring up Shane turning down Vince-- "Michael Cole, shut your mouth. The Rock says this, you think the Rock actually cares about this ongoing soap opera with the McMahon family? First, you have Shane, turns on Vince; Shane turns on Linda, Stephanie turns on Vince, Stephanie slaps Linda, Stephanie's dog takes a crap in Shane's living room carpet, oh and here's a new twist, Shane can't get an erection for eight months! Well the Rock says this: the Rock could care less about this ongoing family saga. The Rock says he wipes a monkey's ass with the McMahon family saga - and the Rock... [Rock pauses as if he heard a chant - so a chant starts up for him]...Big Show, Triple H, Shane McMahon, you think just because you chokeslammed the Rock right in the middle of the People's ring, that the show is over, that there's nothing left, well the Rock says this: is that because he's the People's Champion, tonight, the Rock is not.....done. Now tonight, the Rock says whether it be Triple H, whether it be Big Show, whether it be Shane McMahon, Stephanie McMahon, any McMahon, any way you want it, any way you wanna bring it to the Great One, tonight in H-town, you'll have no choice, no option, but to smell what the Rock iiiiiiiis cookin'."
How strange! We go to a Burger King ad for .... pancakes!
Hey, you don't think when the Rock said "Stephanie turns on Vince," he meant something kinky? I mean, if he's checking Shane for erections and all...
EDGE (you mink you stole him) & CHRISTIAN join the commentators as we are taken back to Heat where a sitdown between Jonathan Coachman, the Hardys and the Blondes went horribly wrong. Later that night, each team interfered to cost the other a victory.
PERRY SATURN & DEAN MALENKO v. HARDY BOYZ - "Boyz with a Z, what, is that supposed to scare us?" Yeah, fear the Z! I guess it IS Benoit's music as these two guys come out to the now familiar "R4dicalz" theme. You get the feeling that that Lt. Heavy title is in limbo until after Sunday too? I give this match twenty seconds. Malenko and Jeff start. Malenko with the gutshot, ramming his head into the buckle, clothesline, Jeff ("we have Rainbo-Brite in the ring...") ducks and kicks, whip into the corner is reversed, Jeff up to the top, flipping off, big back body drop, ramming Malenko into the second turnbuckle, tag to Matt, double whip into the opposite corner, all fours heel kick by Jeff, Matt with a clothesline, punching away, ducking a punch from Malenko, neckbreaker takedown for 2. Blind tag to Saturn as they wrestle to the ropes, off the ropes, Malenko drops down and Saturn collides with Matt. Right, right, right, right. Belly-to-back suplex. Tag to Malenko, open shot. Interesting choice to counter-program against the Nitro main event, non? Nice dropkick by Malenko. Tag to Saturn, both men send him into the ropes, double back elbow, Malenko with a shot to Jeff, bringing him in and distracting referee "Blind" Jack Doan - double stomp by Saturn on Matt! Saturn trying to open up his upper lip. Stomp, shot for Jeff, again distracting the ref. Malenko in without a tag. Edge promises that if we liked the first ladder match, "wait and see this one because we have very evil intentions for those ladders." Malenko with a lariat - cover - ref isn't there, Malenko actually gets a 3 count by himself before Doan is over - 1, 2, nope. Into the ropes, head down, Sunset flip by Hardy for 2. Hard knockdown by Malenko. Tag to Saturn, backbreaker by Malenko, kneedrop by Saturn at the same time - only 2! Saturn stands on him. Saturn pounding away. Kick to the head, Hardy tries to punch back, Saturn pounds him down again. Vertical suplex coming up - nicely done. Cover - 1, 2, kickout. Saturn
holding him by the hair, tag to Malenko. Open shot. Right. In the
corner, right, right, right, Malenko really measuring them and Matt
collapses. Tag to Saturn, holding him for a double headbutt. Saturn asks
Doan, "Are we outta here?" - oops, we weren't supposed to hear that, I
think. Sure enough, Saturn picks up Hardy for a powerbomb attempt, but he
slips through and they're taking it home. Gutshot by Saturn, Hardy turns
it and hits a side Russian legsweep - crawling to Jeff - hot tag! Malenko
and Saturn both come in - Hardy off the top with a missile dropkick -
Saturn ducks but Malenko goes down. Saturn misses an elbowdrop, dropkick
takes out both men. Hardyz with a double suplex on Saturn. Malenko taken
down by Jeff, Matt to the top rope - tandem legdrops. Time for the
finishers - Twist of Fate hits, but Christian pulls Saturn out of the way
of the wonton soup while Edge comes in to spear Jeff - Saturn hits his
version of the tiger suplex (with bridge), Doan turns around from watching
Matt and Malenko on the outside and how about that - they were even both
the legal men. 1, 2, 3. (5:46) I would think that if
the Hardyz were to
somehow win on Monday, these guys might be able to stake a claim to a title
Kevin Kelly stands with Big Show and Shane. Shane says Rock doesn't want any of him, but he and the Show WOULD like to take him up on his challenge. Tonight, we'll find out how much of a (beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep) - oh well.
Kane looks into the camera menacingly - he's NEXT!
"WWF Aggression" ad
Hey! CHARLES BARKLEY in the house! Isn't he an Olympic Gold Medalist?
KURT ANGLE (with RAW Credits & TV-14-DLV ratings box) v. KANE (with Paul Barrow) in a nontitle match - "You know, there are certain things in life that make sense - why the grass is green, why the sky is blue, and why the Houston Oilers would wanna get the heck outta this town and never come back. It's true! It's true. And then, there are certain things in life that don't make sense at all. For instance, Your Olympic Hero has been forced to put up both the European title AND the Intercontinental title in what is called a Two Fall Triple Threat Match at WrestleMania. Why? And to boot, tonight, just six days before WrestleMania, Your Olympic Hero is scheduled to wrestling in a match against the man they call the Big Red Retard. And not that I have anything against retarded people because I don't; as a matter of fact I have a lot of retarded fans out there that admire and respect Your Olympic Champion (it's true) and I wish them well. But the fact is, THIS is a conspiracy, and Your Olympic Hero does not like it one bit, I don't - I don't." Before he can continue, the wall of flame hits and out he comes. Kane was ready to light the corners, but Angle jumps him instead. Kane quickly turns it and pounds away. Off the ropes, big boot. Right, into the ropes, Angle ducks and takes him down from behind. Front face - Kane lifts him up and drops him on his face as we look backstage to see MR. BOB BACKLUND watching on. Big clothesline by Kane. Scoop slam by Kane - off the ropes, but the elbowdrop misses. Angle tries a double leg, but Kane is as brick wall. Big-time powerbomb! Angle rolls outside to try to catch his breath - Kane is out after him. Kane thinks about going for a title belt, but tries a right instead. No effect. Head to the barricade. Angle rolled back in. Kane on the apron, Angle hot shots him. Right, right, right, no effect. Kane blocks, uppercut, another, into the corner, clothesline. Picking him up - Angle breaks free, into the ropes, right, right, into the corner is reversed, back elbow, Angle puts up his boot - then runs right into a sidewalk slam. Kane going outside and he's going up - flying clothesline! Kane advances but Angle manages a drop toehold into the sceond turnbuckle. NOW he goes for the title belt but Kane gets a gutshot - got him in the choke - as referee "Blind" Jim Korderas puts the European title away, Angle knees Kane right in the extra crispy. Now he's got the intercontinetal title, and DOES waffle him with the belt, but Korderas has turned around and has no choice. (DQ 3:40) Kane wins by DQ but they play Angle's music for some reason. Angle very slowly up the ramp - ahhh, I see now. Kane hits the zombie situp, goes outside, grabs Angle and drags him back into the ring - gives him the chokeslam...and the Tombstone. I bet NOW he lights up those corners - ayup.
Michael King Cole stands with Vince McMahon - nice busted lip, Vince - he asks him about Rock's handicap match - Vince feigns confusion and says oh, he must be talking about the big tag team match...Shane & the Show against the Rock...and Vince. There's not a damn thing Shane can do about it, not a damn thing the Show can do about it...and not a damn thing the Rock can do about it.
Trish Stratus is WALKING! "Let's do this, boys..."
Earlier Today, Snow & Blackman shared a moment. "Hold it, hold it -
let me guess - tonight we have a Hawaiian pygmy comin' out and he's gonna
play 'Let's go Head Cheese' on his ass cheeks." Snow says tonight's
serious - after he had actually gotten him a reaction in Wisconsin, Test,
Albert and the stupid bimbo screwed it all up. Tonight's avengin' time -
it's time to find out what happens WHEN HEAD CHEESE GOES BAD!
AL SNOW (with Steve Blackman, already in the ring) v. TEST (with Albert & Trish Stratus - the fitness model) - Snow meets him on the outside and the do the brawling thing. Whip, reverse, reverse, stop, swinging neckbreaker by Snow. Snow puts him in the ring and FINALLY they ring the bell. Snow all over test with rights. Test reverses - knee - going for the pumphandle but Snow goes up and over, gutshot - Snowplow! But instead of covering, he asks Blackman to throw him Head. Blackman throws Head WAAY over Snow's head. Then we take a look at Albert and Blackman brawling on the outside, completely missing whatever Test did in the ring to be able to make the cover for the pin. (:39) No replay, so who knows what happened in that ring there. T&A walk off - threaten to give us a looksee at what's under Trish's coat - but then cover her up, so as to let us know that they're HEELS. Sadly, Trish didn't speak again.
Backstage, Stephanie tells Triple H that it's a good idea that he isn't answering Rock's challenge this close to WrestleMania...but if he wants to mess with the mind of the Rock, she has a special present for him...a zebra shirt. So it looks like we got ourselves a special guest referee. Well now, it seems that the only thing left for this main event is a special SECOND guest referee....say, Foley's not doing anything yet, is he?
When we come back, H is cutting off the sleeves of the shirt.
BIG BOSSMAN & BULL BUCHANAN v. ACCOLADES - hey, where's Mideon anyway? Ross calls Buchanan "Barry" in some kind of angle. So was this guy Rekon or Snypyr? Hey, where's Kurrgan lately, anyway? Where's Silva? I'd ask where Golga is but I DON'T care. Before you start to miss the play-by-play that I'd normally provide you in an exciting, smash mouth contest such as this one, out come THA GODFATHA & D'LO BROWN (with twenty-four--err, a dozen women) who pay off the Acolytes to take a walk, then beat on the two men in the ring until their music plays again. (under 2) I'd be remiss if I didn't note the GIANT UNNATURAL BREASTS on that one woman, so here's a sentence about that - let's cut backstage to
Kevin Kelly stands with Linda McMahon who announces - wait for it - there'll be a second guest referee in tonight's main event. And it will be THE BROOKLYN BRAWLER. No, of COURSE it's Foley.
Here's your exterior of the Compaq Center. Funny, it's not like
them to *not* show us a marquee with "SOLD OUT" on it
Mick Foley puts on a zebra shirt over his T-shirt while we watch
GTV presents Fabulous Moolah and Terri talking about trash...then clamming up when Kat walks in clad in only an oversized men's button-down. "Ohhh, what a nice outfit." Moolah yuks it up. Kat says she's got a great outfit for after the massage. Speaking of which, here's a bill for the shirt she ripped off last week. Terri rips up the bill. Kat decides to rip up *Terri's* shirt to get revenge - Moolah separates them, then tells Terri not to worry - "let me take care of it" - then Moolah strips Kat of HER shirt. Now Mae Young comes into the picture ... I guess Kat was showing too much ass because for some reason the picture gets fogged up in the assular area - anywa, Young goes for Moolah and EVERYBODY ends up with a ripped shirt. Woof.
The Rock tells Vince he doesn't need a partner and he doesn't want a partner. Vince says there's not much he can do about it tonight, okay? "Just know your role and stay out of the Rock's way"
Here's a bit of the videoclip for Method Man's "Know Your Role" from WWF Aggression. This weekend, the WWF television network will give you the whole clip! WOW! I know I'M gonna stay up for Metal this Saturday!!
"WWF SmackDown!" for the PlayStation ad
I feel bad - I thought that "Bod" ad was one of those "truth" anti-smoking ads
Is it REALLY an NWA reunion if Yella isn't there? What about if they have to mute out everything?
And now, the WWF Rewind, brought to you by FRAM! FRAM! FRAM! From last week on RAW, the Dudleyz 3D (Dudley Death Drop) everybody, then put Jeff Hardy through Christian... and a table.
RAW is WAR is bought to you by FRAM!, Burger King, FRAM!, Castrol GTX and FRAM!
X-PAC (with Road Dogg & Tori) v. D-VON DAMN DUDLEY (with Buh-Buh Ray Damn Dudley) - "The King of Rock (Who) / The King of Rock (What) / The King of Rock (Who) / The King of Rock (What) / And So On" - I give this match forty-five seconds. Buh-Buh Ray gives Tori a gander and Tori's suitably creeped out. X-Pac tries to get first blood but D-Von unleashes a series of rights. Into the ropes is reversed, shoulderblock, off the ropes, leapfrog, dueling hiptoss attempts, flippy-flippy, D-Von with a gutshot, and his "reverse DDT." They're ALREADY going for the table - D-Von has X-Pac up - but he breaks free and hits a spin kick. Stomp, stomp, rear chinlock. D-Von stands up and elbows out - now they're trading punches - into the ropes, X-Pac ducks the first attempt but not the second - flying back elbow. Scoop - and a slam. D-Von to the top - X-Pac hits a ten story dropkick (!) and crotches him. Dogg holding him down so X-Pac can hit the broncobuster - but referee "Blind" Tim White is over to tell him no, and behind his back Buh-Buh Ray grabs the hair and pulls him down. X-Pac gives HIM a shot, then turns into a big shot from D-Von - Dogg on the apron, D-Von over to try to give HIM one, but Dogg hot shots him and Dudley falls into the X Factor. 1, 2, 3. (2:23) Post-match, Buh-Buh Ray is in - Dogg is in - left, left, left, juke, jive, right, KANE & PAUL BEARER are out - Kane takes out all four men and has X-Pac in the choke...but the Dudleyz hit him from behind - 3D! DUDLEY DEATH DROP! As they take off,
Tori comes in and stands over him - as she chops her crotch, you
just KNOW he's gonna pop up and put her in the choke - but before he can
chokeslam her, Dogg & X-Pac are in to make the rescue. Bearer eats a punch
to put HIM down, and Kane is taken over the top rope AND THROUGH THE TABLE!
Let's play that track from "WWF Aggression" one more time (available at a
record store near you). How come we have no times for replays of ANYTHING
Shane & Show - are - WALKING!
Another WrestleMania spot - they're really trying to sell this solely based on the main event, arent't they?
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight where Rock tasted the chokeslam, Foley felt the Pedigree, and Vince saw the WWF Championship belt up close - in fact...right between the eyes.
TREBLE H & STEPHANIE ONO get the first of what will probably be a million entrances - I dunno, he kinda DOES look like Vince with that sleeveless ref shirt and giant biceps. This entrance is SUPER LONG. Next entrance is MICK FOLEY (to Mankind's music) - he's decided to keep the sleeves on *his* zebra shirt, anyway.
WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW & SKIPPY v. BILLIONAIRE VINCE and LA ROCA - Show and Shane come out to Show's "Aggression" theme (available now at your favourite music outlet). Hey, Vince might be the chairman and head honcho, but even HE knows that you give Rock the last entrance. Vince makes a false start to scare 'em back, but before he can go "ha, made you flinch," Triple H rosses him in! Doubleteam beatdown occurs - Foley tries to get one man on the outside, but H is over to argue with him. Show got Vince in the corner - Shane hits the broncobuster! Well, NOW the music hits and Rock *sprints* to the ring. Ducking a clothesline from the Big Show, then hitting one on the Show! Right, right, right, Shane taken outside, to the Show, right, right, right, right, right, into the corner is reversed, superkick by the Show! Well it's a big elbow. Show stands on the neck while Foley counts - H over to tell him to let it go. Rock outside, Show following. Rock manages a kick, kick, right, head to the commentary table, into the STEEL steps but Show reverses it and Rock hits hard. Show presses Rock over the top rope from the floor! Back in the ring, well it's a big right. Tag to Shane, right, right, into the ropes, jumping back elbow, cover - H tries a fast count but Foley takes umbrage. Shane works over Rock in the corner while the refs false start us. Shane makes the mistake of an open-handed slap - Rock INSTANTLY recovers and hits rights - THEN KISSES THAT RIGHT! But H hooks him as he goes for a clothesline, and Shane takes him down from behind. Foley has some words with H, and then, in the interests of fairness, KO's Shane with a right hand. H shoves Foley, it's returned - but H backs off. Show choking the Rock on the ropes, Foley remembers why he's there and gets him to stop it. Show tagged in, well it's a big clubbing blow, well it's a big scoop - and slam. Off the ropes, well it's a big elbow. Rock blocks the right and hits three rights of his own, but coming off the ropes he runs into well it's a big elbow. Well it's a big stomp. Well it's a big backbreaker. GIANT "Big Show sux" chant. Well it's a big legdrop. Crowd is LOUD. In the corner,
Show stands on Rock's neck. Foley puts on a count when
H doesn't. Another 4 count on the boot. Off the ropes, Rock ducks, right,
right, right, right, right, off the ropes, but into well it's a big
powerslam. Cover - Foley counts 1, 2, nope. Tag to Shane. Rock manages a
DDT - Foley counts 1, 2, nope. Vince asks for the tag - Rock looks - and
tags. Vince in, right of stone, right of stone, we look back to see Linda
watching the monitor, off the ropes, clothesline, right of stone and Shane
goes outside. Vince follows and so does Triple H - McMahon shoves Helmsley
and rams Shane into the STEEL steps. Even Foley asks him to bring it back
into the ring. Vince clotheslines Shane over the commentary table. Head
to the table. And another. Vince grabs Lawler's headset and chokes Shane
with the cable. Both refs are out as Vince chokes out Shane again.
Right, right, right, right, right, Lawler loses a SECOND headset.
Another right and Shane is back over the top to the floor. Shane manages
a punch to the grapefruits, and another. Head to the table, back in the
ring. But it's VINCE with the spear. He also tries a shot to the Show,
but Show catches it and headbutts him instead. So now both McMahons are
down - who will make the tag? Foley gets to 7 but McMahon makes the HOT
TAG - Rock all over Shane - spinebuster - elbow pad coming off - People's
Elbow! Foley counts 1, 2, H drops an elbow on Foley's back. Pedigree for
Rock! H puts Shane on top of him and counts 1, 2, *Vince* comes in and
breaks it up with an axehandle onto H. H with a right, Vince with a right
of stone! VINCE CROTCH CHOP!! Show is in and he's got a choke on Vince -
but Foley is over with the Mandible claw! Show taken over the top rope and
Rock hits Rock Bottom on Shane - 1, 2, 3!! (11:09) Ross: "The Rock's
going to WrestleMania!" What, was he NOT going before that pinfall?
One more WWF logo and we're out.
Hey! They didn't bleep the N word! Maybe I WILL watch Farmclubdotcom tonight.....naaaaaah. You know I saw these guys at the Oakland Colesium in 1989 - well, sorta. They left in the middle of the third song because there were too many fights starting up in the crowd and everybody got all spooked. The headliner (L.L. Cool J) ended up doing his set with all the house lights on - sorta killed the effect of people using their lighters and stuff...BUT! I still have the shirt! Of course, it doesn't fit too well...
Next week: Two years of WrestleManiacs! Not with a bang - but with a whimper!