TONIGHT: Euro title on the line in a return match! Rumours are flying that Triple H will defend the WWF title - yeah, right! Jim Ross has a feeling the Rock will have some words for us right at the beginning of the show - so don't get caught listening to Flair at 9PM!

This show is Close Captioned! Here's the Opening Credits!

FEEL THE LIVENESS - holy cow that pyro's coming RIGHT AT ME! It's the National Car Rental Arena (if you don't have it back by 8, you pay for another day) in Ft. Lauderdale, FL 10.4.2K and Ross promises HELLACIOUSNESS!

Don't YOU tell the WWF they don't know how to counterprogram - LA ROCA *immediately* comes out to share a few words with you and I. "The Rock says...that he's gonna bring you back to last week, that very special footage of Vince McMahon...don't worry Vince, it's not the footage of you reuniting with Shane - it's not the footage of you, the Chinese midget, the nine hundred pound tuna and the pair of chopsticks [...the HELL?] - it is simply the footage of you at your best, and the Rock at his best." We pause for a chant and one more instance of Ross saying "hellacious," and then...

Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! where Vince clubbered Earl Hebner, preventing a three count for the Rock, Rock's subsequent chase of Vince up the ramp, and following right and chairshot.

Rock raises an eyebrow - he approves of the footage, I guess. "Now, the Rock just scrambled your brains - after that shot, after all the smoke had cleared, after all the dust had settled, after all the llamas anuses had been licked, the Rock says - the Rock says there's still one more shot that the Rock wants you to see. Vince, there's still one more shot that the Rock wants you to remember. He wants you to write it down, take a picture of it, frame it, put it above your mantlepiece and the Rock says he wants you to remember this picture...forever." It's a picture of Vince doing his mackerel impersonation with the Rock's foot on top of him. "There it is, Vince - plain as day - clear as crystal, the People's Boot on your unconscious candy...ass. Now after that shot, Vince, after all the humiliaition the Rock has put you through - after all the humiliation the Rock has put your jackass son through - and everything that the Rock has put your slut daughter through...after everything the Great One has done, he's done it all, the Rock says he still wants...more. That's why, tonight, in the middle of the People's Ring, the Rock WANTS his WWF title shot ... [pause for chant] - the Rock wants his WWF title shot right here in the middle of the People's Ring, right here in South Florida, and the Rock says he wants his title shot smack dab in the middle of the Rock's...home." Time for a counterpoint, as "No Chance in Hell" brings out BILLIONAIRE VINCE, with incredulous look on face and folding chair in hand. Vince actually steps in the ring, but it looks like we'll get an "asshole" chant and a few words first. Rock: "Now the Rock says three things are gonna happen. The first thing - you can put the chair down. The second thing - you can attempt to hit the People's Champion. Or the third thing, the Rock'll take that very chair, turn that sumbitch sideways and stick it straight up your candyass!" Vince mulls his options. "I'll put it down. You make one move toward me and I'll hit you so hard over the head, you're brains'll turn into crushed papaya, pal. Just try me! But as far as you wanting your title shot tonight...hey, look, Rock, I tell you what we're gonna do. In This Very Ring tonight, you will be given the opportunity that, should you be victorious against opposition named later tonight, then you will have the opportunity to once again be the World Wrestling Federation champion. All you have to do is be victorious in this ring tonight - in an unforgiving, fifteen foot high steel cage match - that happens to be hanging above your very head as I speak! Now, if you're the first man out of the cage or if in fact you pin your opposition, you'll be victorious, but Rock, let me make this very clear: no more gifts. I'm tired of giving. From now on, you EARN everything that you get. I don't appreciate that chant! You see, Rock, I think you have to say - somewhere, deep down, I think you gotta say, well, who am I and WHY am I who I am? I think you gotta go back to just about - well, a little over a year ago - who was it, Rock? Who was it who made you who you are? It wasn't you, and it damn sure wasn't the People! It was ME! *I* made the Rock! I was in your very corner, a little over a year ago, Rock, just remember? That's all - in your corner, at your side - you were the Corporate champion - not a very good one, but a Corporate champion nonetheless. How soon we forget, Rock. You have to ask yourself: oh wait a minute - sure, you would have been a star without Vince McMahon. I agree - the Rock would have been a star without Vince McMahon - but you would have NEVER have been a superstar! You would have achieved a certain level of stardom - matter of fact, if we take a little makeup - great big bulbous ball, put it on the end of your nose, you'da made a pretty good Doink the Clown! No, you would have! I mean, if we could take some feathers around Thanksgivin' time and sort of gingerly put them around your derriere, you might even have been a good Gobbledygooker - or, let's face it: you could have allowed yourself to physically go to hell, gain a buncha weight, grown some warts - you'd have made a great Bastion Booger, too. I know you would have. But because of me, you became not just a star - you became a superstar. Because of me (Vince McMahon) you were the host of Saturday Night Live. Because of me (Vince McMahon) you were a guest on the Tonight Show. Because of me (Vince McMahon) you've got offers for television and movies, and because of me, Rock you were a bestselling author. Because of me (Vince McMahon). All I'm saying to ya, Rock, if you can look back...people want to know why, Vince - why did you do it? It was simple - I was simply looking for one thing from you and I never got it. Just one thing. Rock - all I wanted was a

Sammy Sosa's creepin' me out, man. "Es so *reeeeeeeeeeel*."

Hey! Iditarod tomorrow! Paul Ellering?

Exterior shot of the NCR

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago where Rock swung a mighty chair

ROAD DOGG & X-PAC (with Tori - and the Kings) v. CHRISTIAN & EDGE (you think you mow him) for the tag team championship - Road Dogg needs to consult the Genius and get his poetry skills kicked up a notch. What DOES "two tears in a bucket" mean, anyway? Let Us Take You Back to WrestleMania and show you how these guys won the title. X-Pac spits in Christian's eyes to get the early advantage. Good thinking! Kick, right, elbow, into the ropes, duck, powerslam by Christaian. Right, right, tag to Edge, head to the buckle, into the opposite corner, boosted splash, spinning heel kick, 2. To the side headlock - X-Pac is up, powering out, shoulderblock by Edge - off the ropes, up and over, under, shot from behind by Dogg, spinning heel kick by X-Pac. Christian occupies referee "Blind" Mike Chioda while a vicious doubleteam occurs. Now they're trading blows. Off the ropes, ducked, left, left, left, juke, jive, right, wiggly wobbly woodly knee for 2 - Christian breaks it up - again the ref turns to him and again DX doubleteams him. Into the ropes, duck, double clothesline by Edge! Tag to Christian! Right to one, duck, right to the other, atomic drop, double noggin knocker, Edge takes Dogg out while Christian hits a gutbuster on X-Pac - Chioda's watching Edge grab Tori by the hair on the outside, and now Dogg's over to take advantage of the distraction, running Edge into the post. Back in the ring, Christian was watching all THIS, allowing X-Pac to hit him from behind. Into the opposite corner, but Christian sidesteps the followup and X-Pac crotches himself on the second turnbuckle. Tori on the apron while Christian goes for the Tomokaze - but Dogg is over with a tag belt - WAFFLE! X-Pac covers Christian and Chioda turns back to the ring - 1, 2, 3. Ooof. Ladies and gentlemen, we have new tag team champions. (2:49) Possibly the WEAKEST team to give the belts to, but there might be a story at play here - DX now control ALL the title belts in the federation (assuming that Benoit, Malenko and Guerrero are still holding a proxy for Triple H), so we'll see if that plays into anything coming up. Whoops, spoke too soon - EARL HEBNER is out to tell Chioda what happened. Chioda orders the match to continue. DX works a doubleteam on Christian - going for a double...

Godfather sits with his women and ads if they're gonna light it up or what. Then they start WALKING!

In the local slot, the 10 July RAW is WAR is hyped. "Big Show - the Rock - X-Pac - Chyna - Kane - Triple H" - I'm a little surprised it isn't sold out already since it went on sale Saturday...?

"Earlier Today," Terri tells Kat she wants to treat her to "a day of beauty" by way of saying sorry. Hey, who smells a rat? Oh, that's fish, I apologise.

THA GODFATHA (with eight - no, four women - and Ice T) v. KURT ANGLE - "Grab your bitches?" Somebody alert the media! Hey, Angle's got a mic and he knows how to use it! "I'm glad that all of you are happy, and all of you are in such a great mood tonight. Because I would like to talk to you tonight about something that gives Your Olympic Hero great joy - the joy of celibacy. Oh yeah, oh yeah. The three I's are great; the three I's are tremendous. But the reason why I've had so much success in life - the reason that I am the man I am today - is from the big A - abstinence. Oh yeah, oh yeah. And unlike many of you people here tonight, Your Olympic Hero abstains voluntarily - it's true, it's true. Which leads me to tonight. Godfather, you come out here week after week and you parade your filth and debauchery - oh yeah, debauchery. So tonight, I have a little surprise for you. Godfather, THIS is called a prophylactic. And I strongly suggest that you start to use it. And I have a little nursery rhyme for all you children out there - something that even the Godfather can understand. 'You can prance, and you can dance, but when if comes to relations - keep it in your pants." Godfather decides that now's the time to kick and we're off. Right, right, stomp, into the ropes, Angle ducks, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, big boot by Godfather. In the ropes, biiiig back body drop. Scoop - and a slam. Off the ropes with the spin in place legdrop. Angle rolls outside and finds himself staring at a lotta breasts. Well, Godfather's outside so he shoves a pair into Godfather, but he catches him anyway. Right, right. Godfather holds him up for a slap from the ho. Rolled back in the ring, Angle slumps in the corner. Irish whip into the opposite corner, back to the first corner, and it's time once again for the Ho Train - but it misses! Back suplex by Angle - 1, 2, no! Ross thought that was the finisher but he's blind. Angle has some words with referee Mike "Tim White owed me a favour" Sparks while Godfather gets up - clothesline. Short clothesline. Another attempt misses - THERE'S the Olympic Slam. 1, 2, 3. (2:03) Angle celebrates as only he can.

"Earlier Today" Kat and Terri board a limo - as it drives off, a low-rider drives up - Eddie Guerrero and Chyna exit it and get all Latino on us.

Scotty Too Hotty, Rikishi Phatu and Tazz are WALKING! After giving a shout out to the Grand Master, we are forced to endure the ass-cam. Please. Don't do that.

Big Show tells Shane that last week was just the tip of the iceberg. Wait'll they get a load of this! "Am I living large and in charge or what?" Shane gives us a reaction but we'll have to wait until later to see what's off camera...

Triple H, Steph and Shane - are - WALKING! Who gets the title shot? We'll find out - NEXT!

Earlier Today, Terri introduces Kat to Francois, then offers to get her a spiked drink. Ooooooooooh! I can't WAIT to see how THIS turns out! (Well, maybe a *little* bit.)

Castrol GTX brings you WWF Backlash 30 April - DRIVE HARD!

TREBLE H (with Skippy & Stephy) v. ? for the WWF Championship - Champion enters first because it's a MYSTERY opponent already. Ring announcer LILIAN GARCIA forgets H's weight but bluffs her way through it. I hope it's Gillberg again - I hope, I hope, I hope. We look to the back to see KAI EN TAI walk through the doors - back to see a smirk on H's face - back to see the APA behind Kaientai - back to H to see his mood dramatically change. The APA music plays as all four men come out. Garcia announces that "the former light heavyweight champion, Taka Michinoooku" is the opponent. In the ring, Shane and referee "Blind" Earl Hebner have apparently come to shovin' and McMahon's come out on the short end. The Acolytes his the ring and chase Shane to the back. The bell rings and Michinoku rushes him. Right, into the ropes, reversed, huracanrana by Michioku! Dropkick! Spinning heel kick! Bow and dropkick to the face - 1, 2, no! Right, right, into the ropes is reversed, H press him up but Taka dropkicks on the way down. Chop, chop, licks his hand for ANOTHER slap. Out of the corner is reversed, but Taka puts up a boot - second rope - H rushes him but gets caught in a tornado DDT - 1, 2, NO!! Here's the Castrol GTX Double Feature to show us what we missed - Shane shoved Hebner, who bounced off the ropes and shoved back. Knife-edge chop by Taka - off the ropes, head down, facebuster by Triple H. Clothesline to take him outside the ring. H goes outside and meets him, right, scoop, drop on the barricade -

Yesterday, the "Big Red Machine" Kane funny car pulled a 4.983. Is that good? They've won four of their last five races, we're told.

Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! where we just avoided a Trish Stratus tabling.

Backstage, T&A and Trish (and the RAW credits) are WALKING! "Last week, these two had the nerve to put their hands on me? I think it's about time you put your hands on them - they're in there." "Okay - hi, girls!" After some noises behind the door, we see the Dudleys fly out. This brawl is all T&A . And we fade out - sheesh, what a nothing segment! Is this the price I pay for six minutes of Triple H and Taka Michinoku? Well....okay.

"Ess so reeeeeeeeeeal...." brrrrr

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago where Vince distracts the Acolytes just long enough to allow Bull & Boss Man (and the TV-14-DLV ratings box) to get in their licks

T&A (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) v. HARDY BOYZ - Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago, where the Dudleyz - hell, is your memory THAT short? Matt and Test start. Lockup, knee from Test, pound, right, right, into the opposite corner,

Big Show sells Chef Boyardee spaghetti (with jumbo meatballs). It's pretty funny, but let's see what I think about it the five hundredth time I've seen it.

RAW is WAR is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily, Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Ravioli, and RC Edge Maximum Power Cola!

BALD VENIS v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW - Show comes out in a Venis weave and towel and does his Stevie Richards impersonation. "Hello, Ladies! Now ladies, we all know it's not the - motion in the ocean, but the size of the boat that turns you on! So never mind the SS Minnow in the ring, buy a ticket on the Big Show Titanic if you wanna see the REAL thing." First of all, pelvic thrusts by the Show - eeewwwww. Second of all, I think I hear Herb Kunze pointing out that Show gets winded just delivering this promo! "You know something, Big Show, if your brain was as big as your mouth, you would have realised a long time ago that the Titanic ... sank. And contrary to popular belief, it was not an iceberg that snak the Titanic, no - it was your dimply fat ass." Show lets all the air out, gives us "disheartened," then decides to rush Venis to get back at him. Venis ducks and wails away with rights. Head to the buckle that actually takes off his hair! More rights, kicks, head to the buckle, into the ropes is reversed, well it's a big superkick! Show trying to suck it in but it's there, baby - it's there. Show over to try the big boot but Venis jumps off the apron and Show ends up crotching himself on the top rope. Venis back in - right, right, right, standing dropkick, Show teeeters - big shoulderblock and he goes down! Savage elbow gets 2. Head to the buckle, Venis climbs the turnbuckle and tries a Ten Punch Count Along, but Show pushes him off after four. Well it's a big clothesline. Well it's a big elbow on the back. In the corner - well it's a big chop. Into the ropes, well it's a big clothesline. Well it's a big elbow to the back of the head. Running start - but Venis drops and the clothesline misses - he goes outside but lands on his feet. Show looking for his towel now - instead, he goes back inside and chokes out Venis with the wig. Referee "Blind" Chad Patton calls for the bell (DQ 2:29). Show continues choking -

And now, the Castrol GTX Slam of the Week! From Heat last night, Eddie Guerrero helps Viscera get an upset victory over Chris Jericho in VISCERA'S BEST MATCH EVER - you know what's funny? Even though I was JOKING about it, Meltzer DID actually say the EXACT same thing in HIS report! Yahoo!

EDDIE GUERRERO (with That Slut Chyna) v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO for the European championship - champ enters first because we have clips to show you of Chyna turning, and Jericho's got a mic! "Welcome to RAW is Jericho! And Eddie, Chyna, contrary to what you may or may not believe, I am absolutely ecstatic that you two are together. I mean, Y2J is joyful that you two have hooked up, but I only have one question - in your little relationship, which one of you two is the man? And just out of curiosity, which one of you two has the bigger package?" Chyna points to Eddie - heh. "But seriously, Eddie - I think the Taco Bell chihuahua has more Latino heat than you. But, at least the chihuahua's BITCH is housebroken!" You so Crazy, Chris. Big ol' "Y-2-J" chant. Jericho gets first shot - right, right, right, elbow, into the ropes, forearm, gutshot, double underhook into a backbreaker, Eddie makes a rude gesture and takes a hike. Jericho gives chase around the ring - back in and Guerrero is hugging the legs of referee "Blind" Tim White to try to get a timeout. Guerrero manages a dropkick to the knees as White gets out of the way. Kick to the knee, kick, kick, kick, kick, head to the buckle, Ross: "I thought this might be the first show in television in a month not to mention that [Elian] fellow" but Lawler blew it. Whip into the ropes, another dropkick to the knees, Jericho flips. Guerrero puts the leg over the bottom rope and buttdrops the knee. More stomping, Guerrero flies over the top to the floor, taking Jericho's knee with him. Back in the ring - figure four leglock! Jericho trying to turn it - and does! Guerrero turns it back! Jericho grabs the rope and the hold is broken. Guerrero back to the knee, kick, kick, knife-edge chop, chop, Jericho reverses into the ropes - lifts him into the air and lets him drop. Guerrero manages a face-first into the second turnbuckle - snapmare takeover, grinding the foot into the face with a twist - got him by the hair. In the corner, right, into the opposite corner, Guerrero charges but eats a boot - Guerrero ducks a clothesline but not the next four chops. Into the ropes, biiiiiig back body drop. Running clothesline by Jericho - Guerrero begging off. Right, chop, into the opposite corner is reversed, Guerrero with a headstand on the top turnbuckle, crossing the legs, body scissors rollup, Jericho rolls through it and grabs the legs - Walls of Jericho attempt - and it's applied! Chyna up on the apron - Jericho breaks the hold to walk over and swing wildly at her. Guerrero over with a rollup and the feet on the ropes - 1, 2, Jericho manages to kick out! Gutshot by Jericho, off the ropes with a face plant. 1, 2, no. Chyna gives the title belt to Guerrero, but before he can swing it, Jericho ALSO has a hold of it - a tug of war ensues, and when Jericho lets go, Guerrero FLIES right into White, who I *believe* isn't supposed to bend that way. Jericho ducks a belt shot, then flies off the ropes with a flying jalapeno (how ironic!) that hits the belt AND the face! Lionsault! But Chyna is in with a Golota and a DDT. Guerrero rolled over onto Jericho. White comes to and slowly puts on the count .... 1....2........3. (5:19) The Rock and his mystery opponent in the STEEL cage are NEXT!

Hey, did you notice something this week? Hardly ANY of those INCREDIBLY ANNOYING "and he's WALKING!" bumpers - they have people leaving the ring, celebrating, whatever - and from there - they go straight into the ad break! What a concept! It might be deliberate that it happened THIS week...or maybe it's just coincidence. Still, I wanted to point it out because THE WHOLE DEAL with me making a giant production out of the fact that folks are walking around is my ATTEMPT to show you that there's a damn lot of it and it's really silly. Maybe the production type folk have figured out it ain't necessary. Yes - maybe I can FINALLY retire happy. Ehh, maybe not just yet.

The cage is slowly lowering...hmmm, another short segment, I guess...

"Earlier Today," Terri woke up Kat - she's dressed in some trailer park trash getup, hair coloured old-woman yellos and cut in a hideous style - sixteen layers of makeup and "TRASH" printed in reverse on her forehead, Al Snow style. And they sheared her dog, too! Kat does her Daffney scream for us.

And now, Lugz provides the Boot of the Week! From SmackDown!, Rock gives Rock Bottom to Road Dogg, but there's no ref - out comes Hebner, out comes Vince, Vince, Hebner, Rock, Vince, chair, okay, let's get on with it

LA ROCA v. ? within the confines of the STEEL cage - strangely enough, your referee is Earl Hebner. "My Time" starts up - don't tell me that the mystery opponent is TREBLE H! All three McMAHONS are with him - Vince doing a rather elaborate pantomime to let Rock know he's very aware of the earlier chairshot tonight. So it's gonna be a nontitle cage match. Oh, no it's not. It's gonna BIG BOSS MAN & BULL BUCHANAN...in a handicap match. No opening bell. Bossman in - Rock with a right, right, righ, into the opposite corner head to the buckle, right, right, right, right, Buchanan put onto Bossman, clothesline, KISS THAT RIGHT, and he's climbing - Buchanan pulls him down, block, right, we look at the locked door of the cage. Doubleteam, off the ropes, double back elbow, Buchanan right, whip into the opposite corner, Bossman whipped into Rock. Rock whipped into the opposite corner, but Rock ducks the whip of Buchanan, turns around, gutshot, DDT. Bossman knocks him down. Bossman ready to climb - Rock pops up and pulls him back in - clothesline ducked - Buchanan goes down with a backdrop suplex. Now Shane clmibs the cage - why? Dunno. Rock meets him up top with a right. Buchanan from behind and Rock crotches himself on the top rope. Now there's a doubleteam with the stomps - Shane elbowing him through the cage as well. Buchanan holding him for Bossman rights. Make a wish! "Shane's a pussy" chant starting up. Buchanan off the ropes with a legdrop - kickout at 2. Vince barking at Hebner. Into the ropes, two head down, shot for Bossman, Buchanan's head to the mat, gutshot for Bossman, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, gutshot, axe kick by Buchanan! 1, 2, no! Bossman covers - HE gets 2. Elbowdrop by Buchanan. Double suplex - nicely done. Bossman and Buchanan pose. Right by Buchanan. Choke on the second rope. Bossman kicking away. Buchanan whips Rock into a Bossman clothesline - and only 2. Stomp by Buchanan. Bossman winds up - and uppercuts him. Buchanan with a right. Crowd chants as they think about putting Rock into the cage - then give him a GOOD whip, face-first into the cyclone fence. This sure is boring. Open rights and lefts as Bossman holds him. Rock thrown to the mat. Bossman with a full nelson, Buchanan with a right.