/12 June 2000
WWF RAW is WAR
QUOTE: WWFE 17 5/8 (UNCH)
TONIGHT: 17,633 in the building - and you watching on the tube! All nine members of the starting lineup will be in the house - Rock, Kane and Undertaker will be in the house - and that's all you get out of this promo - stuff you ALREADY SHOULD HAVE GUESSED (well, except the attendance number)
"'cause that's where the Ranger's gonna be."
One World TV-14-DLV Leader Attitude - WWF!
Highlights of SmackDown! - which include highlights of Our Story So Far, going all the way back to Judgment Day
Opening Credits - close captioned logo, motorcycle, and Tori splashing a table
LOOKOUT! PYRO from all directions as the lights come up on the Kiel Center in St. Louis, MO 12.6.2K - you might be watching on USA, or you might be watching on TSN (maybe) - but no matter where you are...tonight....RAW IS WAR!
LA ROCA immediately comes out to reward you from turning away from Russo yammerin' away on the other channel. Tonight, two KOR qualifiers, a tag team title match, and an intercontinental championship match! Stick around and maybe some wrestlers will actually be named as well! "Rock E!" Rock stalls 'cause it's a two hour show. I consider judicious use of the fast-forward. "Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to St. Louis! You know, the Rock has heard all weekend long that come Monday night, the Rock's in store for a fight. Come Monday night, Kane and the Undertaker are gonna get back at the Rock for hitting them with chairs. Come Monday night, the entire Faction - Vince, Shane, DX, Triple H, even that two dollar - that fifty cent slut Stephanie - gettin' back at the Rock for makin' their lives a living hell. Well, the Rock says this: it's Monday night. So, Undertaker, bring your American badass - Kane, bring your seven foot body - Triple H, bring your three foot nose - as R--God is the Rock's witness, the Rock says to all your candyasses...just...bring it." Boom! KANE is the first to answer the call. He's gotta mic and he's gonna use it. Well, not until this chant is over. "Just...bring it...huh? Well, consider it brought." --the hell does THAT mean? We have a staredown...until Kid Rock's CD cover spontaneously appears and out rides THE GHOST RIDER on his Beautiful Titan Bike - say, how DO those STEEL steps mysteriously remove themselves from the ringside area at JUST the moment Undertaker wants to do a lap around the ring? Oh, it's those dudes movin' 'em, there. Geez, keep them out of the shot - you're KILLING the mystique! Before there's any on to be gettin', the "All Together Now" riff fires up a second time and out comes...LINDA McMAHON! "Now...wait...just....one minute." Linda is ID'd as "WWF CEO" - they plucked a USA Network guy to be president, mind you. "Wait just one minute. What are you men trying to do? What are you thinking? You're out here looking like you're gonna tear each other limb from limb - Undertaker, Kane, Rock, don't you think the McMahon-Helmsley Faction is just sittin' back there laughing at you guys? Are you three great competitors gonna get sucked into that old 'divide and conquer' strategy? I don't think so. Ya can't let that happen. You cannot fight against each other. You've got to be united. You, at least for the next two weeks until King of the Ring, need to join forces. Do you think that's--" "No Chance in Hell" interrupts proceedings as BILLIONAIRE VINCE, BIG SKIPPY, THE NEW MAN and STEPHANIE ONO come out. "Ass hole!" "Linda...Linda, who the hell do you think you are? You think that maybe you're - maybe you'd like to be Mother Teresa - somebody like that, I mean, well you're the peacekeepe, you wanna do good for everybody like Mother Teresa did - or maybe - maybe you fancy yourself as a modern-day Joan of Arc. Shut up! You know what - but since you're trying to, like, lay the law down - maybe - maybe you think of yourself as an attractive Janet Reno - maybe that's how the way you think of yourself. Well, I don't know who you think you are - but I can tell you ex--" "Shane's a pussy!" "And he certainly is not that. But let me tell you exactly, Linda McMahon, who you truly are - and all you truly are is a meddlesome, goody-two-shoes, castrating...ah...shrew of a wife. Th--that's really who you really are, k? Just to get the record straight. Now, simply because it amuses us, you are talking about these three joining forces--what--I'm not gonna tell you people again! So what did you mean by 'joining forces?'" "Well, Vince, before I was so RUDELY interrupted when you came out, I was about to say that these three men, these fine competitors are going to join forces as one half of a six-man tag team at King of the Ring. And, just so you'll know who the other half of the six-man tag team is...Triple H...Shane McMahon...and...Vince McMahon." Okay, which six men are they facing? Oh, you mean, Linda really means...ah. "We accept! We accept!
think you're gonna embarrass me? Hah? You think you're gonna come out
here and put me in a position where you can embarrass me in front of all
these people? That's not gonna happen! I don't give a damn what match you
make at King of the Ring, I don't care what match you make here tonight,
tomorrow night, or any other night!" "Well, if that's the case,
Vince...how about tonight...if that's the case, yeah, how about tonight,
Triple H, you'll defend the World Wrestling Federation
championship...against an opponent of my choosing." "That's it? You got
it! You damn right you got it! Triple H will defend the WWF Championship
here tonight, and, okay, he doesn't know who his opponent is - he'll do it
even though it's not fair - and you know damn well it's not." "Not fair.
Well, if you don't think that's fair, you're probably not going to like
this either, because there is another championship that needs to be
defended here tonight...and that championship is yours, Stephanie.
Yes...c'mon, Steph, tonight you will defend the World Wrestling Federation
women's championship against Lita. And...paaay very close attention to
this - this is a stipulation - if any member of the Faction interferes in
that match at all, you will be disqualified and Lita will be awarded the
championship." "All right, you've got that too. I'm happy - now you've
made all your little announcements...Little Miss CEO, you can go back to
playing CEO somewhere else, maybe where you started your day this morning
in Wilmington, Delaware." "Whoa whoa whoa whoa, Vince - I don't play CEO,
I *am* the CEO. And...as the CEO, I will make this one final announcement
tonight. Tonight, Shane McMahon will see action. And also tonight...Vince
McMahon will see action. And...both Shane McMahon AND Vince McMahon will
team up in tag team action against...the Dudley Boyz. But, it's not just
ANY tag team match...it's a TABLE match." Play that "All Together Now"
riff again! Yeah! Wheeee! Segment takes EXACTLY twenty minutes.
I guess I needed to point out that every time Vince said "okay," most of the other people around him were shaking their head and wishing Vince had said "no." That's, like, a slow burn, baby. I'm sure I'll get a better chance to bring it up soon...maybe after this ad break?
As Linda gets into her limousine, Triple H and Stephanie catch up to her - Triple H attempts to butter her up to get the name of his opponent. "You can sweet-talk my daughter, but you can't sweet-talk me. You'll find out who your opponent is in due time! And you young lady better go get changed - 'cause you're up next!"
Did Linda get her acting ability from her daughter?
KOR QUALIFYING MATCH: X-PAC (with Road Dogg, Tori & "the Kings") v. SMILIN' DEAN MALENKO (with four - well, two ho's) - Ring announcer LILIAN GARCIA stumbles over which belt Malenko holds - yeah, it's tough when he barely defends the thing, wot? Ross tells us Malenko trained X-Pac way back when, which should make this more interesting. Hmmm. Dogg tries to grab Malenko's heel, so he spins around to face him and while his back is turned, X-Pac clubberin's him from behind. Elbow, right, kick, right, to the back, into the ropes, dropkick misses - Malenko tries to roll on top, but X-Pac follows through and punches away from the mounth. Malenko spins it back and stands up for a cloverleaf attempt - X-Pac quickly crawls to the ropes before he can lock it in. Stomping away - X-Pac reverses the arm wringer and kicks him, another kick, martial arts posing - head to the buckle, kick, kick, kick, kick. Broncobuster coming up - but nobody's home. Malenko blocks and punches, into the ropes, dropkick, 1, 2, no. Into the corner is reversed, but X-Pac runs into a powerslam - 1, 2, Dogg pulls him off - unbeknownst to referee "Blind" Jack Doan. Gutshot by Malenko as X-Pac comes in - double underhook into a powerbomb! But he can't cover - Tori is up on the apron. SHE gets a shot (!) - well, she ducks, just in the nick of time - Road Dogg gets a blind shot in - Malenko staggers into the X Factor, and X-Pac advances. (2:00) Well, hell. Hey, maybe we can get a Lt. Heavy title defense added to the card now? Eh? Eh? Here's a replay of what we done just saw.
In a dressing room, Lita stretches alluringly
Meanwhile, Stephanie bitches and moans. "Hunter, what am I gonna do?" "I don't know - I don't know." "That's it? That's your advice?" I was thinking maybe Muffy could save her....hey, remember Muffy?
Oh, thank God, ANOTHER annoying "Stacker 2" commercial
And now, the WWF Rewind, brought to you by tobacco - it's whacko!
>From SmackDown! Thursday, Lita wins the battle royal, but Tori provides a
devious means to immediately score a pinfall victory.
WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: STEPHANIE ONO v. LITA - Coming up tonight, the McMahons vs. the Dudleys in a tag team table match! "For the record, THIS is not fair!" Crowd reacts. "For seventy-four GLORIOUS days, I have been YOUR Women's champion. I have carried this title with dignity, honour, and pride. And I know that despite that filthy name you call me ["slut!"] that deep down, I really have your support! Deep down, you want me to defeat Lita and remain YOUR World Wrestling Federation Women's Champion!" Stephanie tries to make an escape, but Lita catches her in the ropes, puts her in the corner, and hairpull takeovers her to the centre. Dropkick! Stephanie rolls to the apron - Lita knocks her to the floor. Stephanie pulls up lame, grabbing her knee - eww, that's a VERY unladylike pose. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long goes outside to check on her...well, you *knew* KURT ANGLE - AMERICAN HERO was going to come out, give Lita the Olympic Slam and make his escape. Stephanie limps over to Lita, covers - 1, 2, 3! (1:15) Angle hits the ring to jump up and down - there's a big hug - then Angle realises what's going on and lets go. Stephanie hits an Angle-like pose. Another big hug - this time Triple H isn't smiling as much as he was the first time we saw him watching on...but before this can develop, Shane comes into the picture, hands Triple H a bat and tells him he needs him NOW...back to the ring as Angle and Stephanie are arm-in-arm. Another angle for the replay of Angle - wow, Lita can sell that thing - lookit her spin! Back to live action - one more hug.
Meanwhile - oh, that's not a bat, it's a ... truncheon? "This has never been done before--" "It's brilliant!" Apparently they sneak up on Kane's dressing room - I think the big mistake here is they let the cameraman lead them in. Kane takes care of them as they attack black ninja style....but H *does* manage a bat shot to the face and the numbers take over. After they beat down Kane, they pull him back up - UNMASK him - Patterson takes a couple holiday snaps and they leave him in a heap and walk off.
Moments Ago, reread the previous paragraph
Hey, have you ever wondered what the Kiel Center looked like from the outside? Well, here you go, Spunky!
By way of strategic dialogue, we learn that Brisco & Patterson are getting the film developed. "Tonight, Kane's on our side. 'Cause if he's not, we are going to expose him to the world!" Vince says it'll be Kane vs. the Rock, No Holds Barred - or the photos go out.
TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: TOO COOL v. T & A (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) - Let Us Take You Back To SmackDown! where Venis and Rikishi had an abnormally brutal encounter which, though brutal, had seemingly no effect on Venis last night on Heat. (wink wink) Albert and Sexay lock up - to the corner, Sexay ducks, spins around, right, right, right, mount, right - Albert takes him out to the center, Sexay punches out, off the ropes with a flying forearm smash. He's dancin'. Off the ropes, Test with a knee to the back, Sexay punches back - but runs into a press and slam from Albert. Big ol' clothesline. Uppercut.
Into the opposite corner hard.
Albert rarin' to go - but the big splash is met with a superkick. Sexay
crawling to Hotty - Albert holding on - Sexay with an enzuigiri - HOTTY
TAG! Never mind we haven't even gone a minute yet...I mean, WHAT A GREAT
MATCH! LOOKIT SCOTTY TOO HOTTY GO! There, you happy? Test comes in and
it's punches all around, dropkicks all around, Sexay clotheslines Albert
(and himself) out of the ring. Gutshot by Test, gutwrench into a powerbomb
- Sexay off the ropes with the hip hop drop to break it up. Sexay with a
dropkick through the ropes to Albert on the floor - Trish throws a boot in,
Hotty grabs Trish, but Test waffles him and covers - Test isn't legal - 1,
2, NO! Test gives referee "Blind" Tim White what for just long enough for
Sexay to hit the apron, block a few punches and give him a hot shot - Test
stumbles into the bulldog and Hotty makes the face - but BALD VENIS runs
out and puts the kibosh on THAT by delivering a sledge to the back, taking
him out of the ring. (DQ
2:32) Venis goes outside, grabs the bell and
puts the edge RIGHT on Hotty's face - there's one for Sexay as well. Hotty
rolled back in to T&A - Albert with a double choke ten storey bomb - Test
with a Meltdown on Sexay. Cue RIKASHMONEY, who
backs that azz up all over
T&A - Venis was apparently too busy holding his ribs out on the floor to
help out - but Rikishi is over to grab him by the plugs...Trish makes the
save with some weak shots to the back - Rikishi calmly turns around and
grabs her in a choke - then shoves her hard into the bottom turnbuckle.
He's warming up his rump! Venis tries a sneak attack, but Rikishi turns to
face him - Albert manages a sneaky manager extraction and they all take
off. Left in the ring is Rikishi - let's play Too Cool's music!
The Dudley Boyz are WALKING! And carrying a table
Meanwhile, Vince and Shane are WALKING! Vince is raving about how Linda thinks he's afraid of a table and he isn't really, or something similar
BILLIONAIRE VINCE & BIG SKIPPY v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ in a table match - coming up, an IC title match, a KOR qualifier and a WWF title match! And some people will compete in them! The McMahons decide to strike while the Dudleyz are setting up the table and their backs are to them - good idea. Lookit Vince beat up on D-Von like he was racist er sumthin'! Buh-Buh Ray has no problem turning the tide on Shane - and punching at will. Dudleyz both take their respective opponents over to the commentary table and synchronise heads to the commentary table. Vince eats the STEEL steps while Shane grogs it up in the ring, where Buh-Buh Ray meets him and pops him right on the chin. In the corner, open-handed slap - right, right, right, right, right, every time, Buh-Buh Ray punctuates it with "Eat this," finishing with "Screw you, McMahon!" Into the opposite corner - big ol' splash. D-Von bodyslamming Vince on the floor! Shane put on top - Buh-Buh climbing up to meet him - superplex!! D-Von on the second rope on the adjacent corner - LEGDROP! Vince staggers into the ring - right hand by Buh-Buh Ray - scoop and a slam - "headbutt to the graun" spot!! Damn, it's almost enough to make you think the McMahons will lose - har har. Shane put into the ropes - and there's 3D (Dudley Death Drop). Buh-Buh Ray tells our commentary team that he's gon' git some wooo-uud. Each Dudley brings a table into the ring - one put up in the corner, the other stood up normal-style. Shane placed on the table as Vince is dragged to the corner - is he gonna superbomb Vince through Shane on the table? Well, of COURSE not - out comes D & X & TORI to save the day. Holy crap! Vince and Buh-Buh Ray tumble OVER the top to the floor! X Factor on D-Von - well, there's that - Dogg powerbombs him through a table. X Factor for Buh-Buh Ray - Dogg and X-Pac put him on the table and *Tori* climbs to the second rope - splash coming up - d'oh! They forgot to BREAK THE TABLE! She overshot him and everybody tumbles. Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda calls for the bell anyway (5:38) - well, that was lame. They keep going, though - Buh-Buh Ray fighting back - but the numbers take command as Shane, Dogg & X-Pac best Buh-Buh Ray and AGAIN put him on the table - they command Tori to get up there and do it again. This time they hold him down, and Shane gives a little extra shove as Tori goes down to make SURE that thing breaks. Let's call THAT the finish even though the bell's already rung (6:03 unofficially).
Well, they fucked up, but
they cleaned up
their mess. Replay of Vince tumbling to the floor after making a comedic
face, and Tori's (successful) splash.
SHAFT! Can you dig it?
Moments Ago, Vince went "ohhhhhhh don't superbomb me" and then "ahhhh! I'm falling and I can't get up!" and then "eeeek! Buh-Buh Ray landed on my ankle!"
Backstage, Triple H doublechecks with Brisco and Patterson's trip to the one-hour photomat. Then, he turns to Bull Buchanan, telling him he WAS booked with the Undertaker tonight, but Undertaker said that it was beneath him to compete with him. "He said he could beat you in two minutes!" "He said it was an insult to get in the ring with you!" "Hey, you know how to drive a bike?" H points to Undertaker's bike, with keys inside, and suggests he show the Undertaker exactly what kind of league he's in. Buchanan starts up the bike, which immediately sends the Undertaker sniffing out to see what's up. H and the Stooges scatter - and Buchanan drives off. Hey, Undertaker, if you'd tried RUNNING, you MIGHT have caught him! Undertaker calmly walks over to a nearby car, removes the security guy in the driver's seat, and drives off after Bull... A hearty laugh is shared amongst the three. H says he's going to get ready for his match and walks off. Brisco and Patterson talk about the pictures as Crash Holly sneaks up...and administers a rather large beatdown to Patterson as Brisco runs off. Patterson yells out "Brisco" a couple MILLION times. I don't know what Brisco has to worry about...Holly didn't have a ref with him!
Your commentary team comprises a pair of kings - LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER.
GERALD BRISCO saunters out with a smile on his face and the RAW credits before him. Here comes CRASH HOLLY to hit the ring - looks like this is an impromptu HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP match (with TV-14-DLV ratings box) - Holly scoots in under him, but takes a left in the gut. Stomp, stomp, Holly with a hot shot that takes Brisco out. Holly goes searching for plundah and comes up with a garbag can, lid, broom, and chair. Holly back in - Brisco swinging the broom - and breaking the broomstick on his back. Broomstick shot - Holly put over the top to the floor. Brisco celebrating, and the crowd booing. Brisco outside - Holly coming back with punches. Right, head to the commentary table. Holly looks - but finds nothing - Brisco coming back with a left, left, into the STEEL steps, Brisco rolls in the ring and does the WAR DANCE! Chair set up in the corner as Holly comes in - garbage can lid by Brisco! PAT PATTERSON has recovered enough to join the party. Whip into the chair is reversed and Brisco takes the brunt. Holly knocks down Patterson as he comes in the ring. Got the garbage can lid, but Brisco puts up a shoe before he can advance on him. Patterson has the garbage can, but Holly ducks it and Brisco takes a SPECTACULAR garbage can shot. Holly knocks over Patterson and covers Brisco - referee "Blind" Chad Patton counts - 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a NEW Hardcore champion! (2:28 - or thereabouts) Holly takes the belt off Brisco, then nips out with the title as Patterson comes to...and revives a none-too-pleased Brisco. Dig that crazy replay. Brisco SHOVING Patterson! Patterson apologising - Brisco shoves him *again*. He's unbuttoning his shirt! Brisco with an "ahhh" hand motion - Patterson offering the Hand of Friendship - Brisco shakes. There's a hug. Aww, that's nice. Patterson apparently makes an unflattering gesture to Brisco behind his back, but the camera angle doesn't catch it. "Real American" plays...
...while, backstage, Crash celebrates his title victory. He unfolds a piece of paper and says "and he's gonna make sure I never lose my belt again!" - then he drives off - with the belt on top of the car. Fortunately, he catches himself in time, stops the car, and grabs the belt.
Triple H and Stephanie are WALKING! Triple H tries to convince us that he needs time to study his opponent in order to defeat him. Hmm, that match is NEXT??
This Past Saturday, Official WWF Spokesman SHAWN MICHAELS was on
hand as RAW tix sold out in Phoenix in 90 minutes
So, this Friday, they'll have ANOTHER onsale for SmackDown! in Phoenix - and this time, the Undertaker will be there.
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: THE NEW MAN (with Stephanie Ono) v. ? - Champion enters first because his opponent is a MYSTERY. After a respectful pause.....the Y2J countdown starts up and out comes CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO. Hey, all those people that whined about Jericho being buried, go bury your head. H rushes him, duck, Jericho right, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow. Right, right, chop, chop, into the opposite corner, big back body drop, clothesline, cover, 2. Right, chop, chop, into the ropes is reversed, head down, kick by Jericho - Jericho gets dumped out onto the apron, landing on his feet, climbing the corner - missile dropkick - 1, 2, NO! Just barely, says referee "Blind" Mike Chioda. Right, right, whip is reversed, H picks him up and drops him in a stun gun onto the top rope. A brief rest as both men are down - back up - right by H, right by Jericho off the ropes, right, right, chop, chop, into the ropes is reversed, Jericho ducks the clothesline, but not the high knee. Head to the top turnbuckle - H repeatedly driving his shoulder into the abdomen - 6, 7, 8, 9 times. Into the ropes, knee to the gut flips Jericho - 1, 2, no. "Y 2 J" chant. H picks him up by the hair - right hand, Jericho slumps in the corner - H bringing him out - vertical suplex. H with a crotch chop for the crowd...and a running kneedrop for Jericho - 1, 2, Jericho slips out a shoulder. Jericho blocks and hits a right, right, right, into the ropes, head down and Triple H DDT's him. 1, 2, no! Hey, aren't DDT's illegal these days? Into the ropes, Triple H clamps on the sleeper. Jericho is fading... Matt Hardy meets Chris Benoit for the intercontinental title later tonight! Jericho trying to come back - elbowing out - elbow to the mush in the corner, to the opposite corne, but Triple H puts up a boot and Jericho meets it with his face. Triple H up to the second rung - a kiss blown to his wife - Jericho with a dropkick while he's busy making eyes! Jericho with a Frankensteiner! Both men are down and Chioda puts on the count ... 5...6....7...Jericho is up - so is H, Jericho ducks, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Jericho with a flying jalapeno! Bulldog! 1, 2, NO! Jericho's got one more left. Gutshot, into the ropes, head down, Triple H hits his facebuster. Gutshot for Jericho - Pedigree? No, Jericho counters and takes him down with a double leg. WALLS OF JERICHO! But it's not on "good" - Triple H rolling onto his back - punching Jericho into the corner hard - Jericho falls - timberrrr - the head hits the crotch. Oh my. Stephanie up on the apron as if to supply the Women's title for use as weapon. While Chioda tussles with her (what a weakling! He's having problems with a GIRL!) - H goes for his OWN belt, but Jericho manages a heel kick before he can us it. LIONSAULT! Jericho covers and hooks the leg - the CROWD counts to 3 but Chioda is steal dealing with Stephanie on the apron. Jericho finally lets go of the leg and turns Chioda around. As they talk, H goes off the ropes, Jericho sidesteps the collision, but Chioda takes the brunt and goes through the ropes. Jericho with a double leg takedown - WALLS OF JERICHO! Stephanie in the ring and ready to slap - Jericho blocks it and - HE'S GONNA PUT STEPHANIE IN IT! Oh, no he's not. Triple H waffles Jericho with the title belt - Pedigree coming up - oh well, it was fun while it lasted - Chioda back in with help from Stephanie...and counting slow - 1.....2......3. (7:56) Chris Jericho is almost there, guys. Damn, but he'd be SO much better off somewhere else...RIGHT?
And now, the FRAM Trap of the Week! From SmackDown!, Chris Benoit
trapped Jeff Hardy into a handshake - hey, Hardy, what'll ya have for
Kane beats up random plastic objects in his dressing room
Earlier Tonight, Kane beat up some film - with his ugly puss - thanks to the Faction
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRIS BENOIT v. MATT HARDY - Tonight, RAW is WAR is brought to you by Castrol GTX - buy a lot and get a "Best of SummerSlam Video," by Stacker 2, and by FRAM! FRAM! FRAM! If this match is as good as Hardy/Guerrero - lockup, to the corner, they trade places, referee "Blind" Teddy Long looking for the break as Benoit kicks away while holding the knuckle lock, Matt turns it and drops down, Benoit falling over. Gutshot by Benoit, powerbomb - no Hardy floats over and takes down Benoit with an armdrag. Big clothesline for Benoit as he runs in. Benoit reverses a whip to the corner, back elbow stops the follow up by Benoit - moonsault by Hardy off the top! - but only 2. Hardy going to the ropes again - Benoit up and punching - meeting him up top - Hardy shoving him down - Hardy off the second rope - BIG legdrop - 1, 2, shoulder up. Hardy raining down rights, kick, kick, Benoit catches the third kick and lifts him up, but Hardy works his momentum back down over him - Benoit rolls it and they break as Benoit continues with the backwards somersault, then pops up and clotheslines Hardy. Benoit shaking it off - into the ropes, big clothesline. Cover - 2. Hardy with a gutshot, but no effect, big clubbing blow by Benoit. Snap suplex. Cover - and only 2. Into the ropes, gutshot by Benoit - double underhook, Hardy slips out and hits a side Russian legsweep. But Benoit is up first - stomp - backdrop suplex is attempted but Hardy rolls up and on top and presses Benoit for 1. Benoit chops as they get back up. Another chop. In position for a piledriver - check that, a shoulderbreaker. Benoit to the top - swandive headbutt...MISSES! Long starts a count - both men up at 3 - Hardy with a right, right, discus right, and Benoit goes down. Hardy picks him up, then drives his head backwards to the mat. Running at Benoit, who drops him in a hot shot. Suplex...but Hardy lands feet on the apron. Right hand - SUPLEX TO THE FLOOR!! Long outside to check on both men - nobody moves and a modest "Holy shit" chant starts up. Subway brings you the piping hot Double Feature. Hardy up first, right, right, Benoit kicks back - whip into the mat is reversed and Benoit hits it back-first. Hardy runs at Benoit who elevates him...into a handstand on the apron - bouncing off the ropes, backwards into a DDT on the floor! Hey, I thought DDT's were illegal....Hardy puts Benoit back in the ring and climbs the steps back in - up to the top, but the moonsault doesn't find him. However, Matt lands on his feet - Benoit tries a clothesline, Hardy ducks and goes for a backslide. They duel a bit here, Benoit going for the crossface, Hardy countering THAT attempt - Benoit shoving Hardy into the corner, elbow, chop, Hardy placed on the top turnbuckle, Benoit to the second turnbuckle, SUPERPLEX, and both men are down. Long putting on the count...3...4...both men up - They trade rights, Benoit ducks a right and hits a German suplex - make it two - holding on for a third but Hardy elbows out. Benoit ducks an elbow and spins him around, knee to the gut, suplex attempt but Hardy gets out when Benoit can't muscle him up - Hardy with a gutshot, Twist of Fate attempt is countered with the Cripple crossface! Hardy taps! (6:05) Hmm, I wonder if Benoit will let go of it. JEFF HARDY comes out and Benoit lets go. Jeff checking on Matt - and Benoit WAFFLES HIM AGAIN!! Benoit smiles - and so do I.
Backstage, Edge & Christian critique "Jeffrey's" physical state. Edge asks Christian if he needs him to come down for his match. "No, come on, this one is SO in the bag, I'm TOTALLY qualified. I mean, for you to come down there tonight would be unfair, it'd be unnecessary, and totally unethical." "So you want me to come down?" "Yeah I want you to come down! Let's go!" "Cool."
Moments Ago, Chris Benoit did a bad, bad thing
We come back life as Jeff Hardy is still trying to recover from the belt shot...oh, he's in this next match...
KOR QUALIFYING MATCH: JEFF HARDY (already in the ring, with Matt Hardy) v. CHRISTIAN
Edge - and Edge's music) - Christian thinks the
dazed Hardy will be slim pickin's - fireman's carry into a gutbuster,
wailing away on pinball machine Hardy - snap suplex, holding on for a
second, going for a third, but Hardy rolls into an inside cradle for 2.
Christian with a gutshot, and THERE'S the gourdbuster - 1, 2, Hardy manages
to kick out. Head to the buckle, gutshot, into the opposite corner, but
Hardy jumps up and over the top rope to the apron - block, right, right,
right, head to the buckle, leaping to the top, moonsault misses but he
lands on his feet, backdrop for Christian, dropkick and Christiain hits the
post. Gutshot by Hardy - into the ropes is reversed and Hardy ends up
tying himself up following a semiflip - Christian shoves him up and climbs
up after him - Hardy elbows Christian to the mat and perches on top - Edge
up to the apron, and Hardy stabs at HIM with kicks - Matt over to grab Edge
and pull him to the floor. Christian manages a dropkick that crotches
Jeff. Christian up top - BIIIIG SUPERPLEX! But as Christian rolls over
for a cover, Hardy hooks the legs with his own, halting Christian with the
shoulders down - referee "Blind" Tim White counts - 1, 2, 3!! (1:58)
Hey, wow! It's the Rock! He's anxiously pacing around! Woo!
Man, I forgot what the outside of the Kiel Center looked like - oh, hey!
Let Us Take You Back to Heat, where Buh-Buh Ray Dudley advanced over Big Boss Man, and Perry Saturn advanced over D-Von Dudley - we've got two slots left, and they'll be filled....Thursday?
APPROXIMATELY 78% OF THE HOLLYWOOD SQUARES hit the ring - don't tell me Rock vs. Kane just became a lumberjack match! Well, let's listen to Vince. "Well, now let me see, if you're keeping score, and I'm sure Linda McMahon (the CEO) is, the score is all you people and the CEO ZIP and McMahon-Helmsley Faction THREE! That's three to zip! That's not good for you! And you know what? It's not gonna be good at the King of the Ring either. Because the Undertaker - who's on a little excursion as we speak - along with Kane and Rock, that threesome, after the smoke clears...you are looking at the Game - you are looking at the King of Sting, and yours truly Vince McMahon - we will be victorious at the King of the Ring! Now then, the only thing that's left for the night is for the Faction to come out, and just as you all in St. Louis have been enjoying, we all are gonna have a ringside seat to watch Kane and Rock beat the hell out of each other, and they will - because if Kane doesn't destroy the Rock, and I mean destroy him, then you'll see the ugliest, the most hideous looking creature in the history of mankind." "The Kings" plays again...
Kane breathes in such a way that we can hear him - then he breaks down his door. Then he starts WALKING! No Holds Barred is NEXT!
Big Show eats - RAVIOLI!
THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE v. LA ROCA in a No Holds Barred match - Hey, isn't this referee "Blind" Earl Hebner's hometown? Subway presents King of the Ring Sunday, 25 June from the sold out Fleet Center in Boston - exclusively on pay-per-view! After letting Rock pose for two corners, Kane puts him down with a right. Another uppercut puts Rock in the corner. Gutshot,
right, back elbow, uppercut, into the ropes,
Rock ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own - Kane goes outside and
lands on his feet - pulling out Rock and putting him into the STEEL steps.
Rock staggers over to the commentary table. Kane with a right, trying to
put his head into the table, but Rock blocks it, elbows, elbows, and puts
Kane's head to the table - thrice. Rock with the bell - into Kane's head!
Kane reverses a whip into the barricade, Rock tries a clothesline but Kane
ducks it and hits a big lariat of his own. Back into the ring we go...Kane
over the top rope, of course. Rock blocks, right, right, right, right,
whip into the corner is reversed, Rock puts up a boot, but runs into a
choke, but kicks him in the nuts. Rock off the ropes, Kane catches him and
tries for the tombstone, but Rock escapes and hits a side Russian legsweep.
In the corner, right, right, NOW KISS THAT - oops, spent too much time
spitting on his hand, I guess - Kane has him in a choke, and reverses to
put HIM in the corner. Rock ducks, they trade places, and NOW HE'LL KISS
THAT RIGHT. Kane comes back with an uppercut. Whip is reversed, Rock with
a spinebuster. People's elbow? Off one rope, off another...Kane with the
zombie situp! Rock kicks him back down and drops the elbow anyway. That's
funnier when the Undertaker does it - but still pretty funny. Triple H is
up on the apron, arguing with Hebner and preventing the count - Rock pulls
up from his cover and slugs the Champ. Rock runs into a big boot from
Kane, who goes outside and climbs to the top - flying clothesline (that
nonetheless doesn't connect until Kane's feet hit the mat - what's up with
that?) and now...GTV
appears on the EntertainmentTron. It's Brisco and
Patterson expressing sadness over the Hardcore title loss, but turning to
the picture...well, it turns out that the pictures didn't come out. "Your
stupid Canadian film!" Kane regards all this as Brisco tells Patterson
they might be better off just keeping the fact that there's no photo
secret. When we come back to the ring, Kane and Rock are exchanging
knowing glances. X-Pac begging off and calling for time. Before Rock and
Kane leave the ring..."American Badass" starts up and THE GHOST RIDER
appears...back on the block and back on his bike! Now that the Faction
sandwiched...ah-let the Games...ah-begin-ah. For more fun, THOSE DAMN
DUDLEYZ bring out a table and set it up in the
ring. It's a
Pier....Twelve...Ten...let's say a Pier Ten brawl. Vince and Rock ending
up in the ring - Rock Bottom! Rock Bottom! Road Dogg comes in and makes a
save - the ring slowly fills with people - Rock kisses a right for Shane
and he's out. It's Triple H surrounded by Kane, Rock and Undertaker - hey,
Triple H, play pinball for us, wouldja? Kane has Triple H in a chokeslam -
the table is being set up - Undertaker over to make it a DOUBLE chokeslam -
and through the table! Ummm..."the real winners are the FANS?"
Nah. (No contest 6:51?)
Credits, WWF logo, see ya Thursday, the muthafukkin Farm Club!
AFTER THE FACT: Letter from Draven say: Just came back from the RAW telecast in St Louis..signs of the night in case
they didn't make it on tv..Rating 1st to 5th