/19 June 2000
WWF RAW is WAR
It's been a year?
Where's my damn money?
QUICK QUOTES: WWFE 17 9/16 (- 1/16)
I GET LETTERS: S. Para provides a timely note for us all to ponder:
I was flipping through some old Raw Magazines yesterday when I found one from March of 1999. On the cover it says "Inside the Women's Locker Room..." and inside the magazine there is a particularly interesting Vince Russo editorial entitled, "We're So Sorry Uncle Eric!!!" The whole article is basically a Russo diss on Bischoff! I won't re-write the whole thing, but let me just give you some interesting snippets:
1. "Man, what an arrogant, pompous S.O.B."
2. "So he bragged and bragged [about Nitro's ratings, from the 97 Prodigy chat] until Vince McMahon eventually turned the tide. Now...he's desperate. A desperate man taking desperate measures. Man, it's so ironic -- without even realizing it, Bischoff was responsible for his own demise."
3. "When the booker decides that he wants to become a television star...the rest is downhill. You see Uncle Eric was on a roll...then the fatal mistake. Uncle Eric yearned for the spotlight. When that happened and he decided to get himself over before his talent, you knew doom was impending. The minute he came out in black and white -- I knew it was the beginning of the end. You see, in this business...you can't do both. It's impossible to be the booker, and a talent, and make it work...unless, of course, you're Vince McMahon." I find this quote particularly ironic because, well, look at what Russo is doing every week!
4. "Uncle Eric surely couldn't blame himself for the failure of his company...so it was EXCUSE time." Then he cites a Bischoff quote about how McMahon didn't have the ability to compete in the industry without resorting to an "R-rated" show. "Eric -- to put it simply -- get your head out of your ass. Read and understand that statement: 'Mr. McMahon didn't have the ability to compete in this industry...'? Compete in this industry? Uncle Eric -- HE MADE THIS INDUSTRY. If it weren't for Vince McMahon, you'd be cleaning my pool for a living!!! Vince McMahon IS sports-entertainment. You and I are simply his disciples!!!"
5. "What Uncle Eric is trying to get across is this -- when Vince McMahon realized that he couldn't compete with Ted Turner's checkbook (yes, TED's checkbook because Uncle Eric is no more than a minion), he decided to step his creative genius into another universe!!! How's that Eric, does that explain it? Look, let's get this out in the open -- being an EXTREMELY sore loser, Eric Bischoff has been on a six-month campaign attempting to smear the name of the World Wrestling Federation in order to save his own ass."
6. "When, week after week, you promise matches on NITRO that never take place -- NASH vs. GOLDBERG -- you piss people off. They change the channel. They watch Raw because they know Raw delivers -- your fault...not ours. What you should really be doing is spending your time studying tapes of Raw so you can actually learn how it's done. Learn from Vince, and if you have any questions I'm sure he'll be happy to enlighten you." That's kinda funny, cuz that was Nitro's main event this week. The more things change, the more they stay the same I guess...
7. "This is 1999. Kidz are hip. Parents are hip. Sponsors are hip. YOU'RE NOT!!! The gray hair kinda gives it away."
8. "By the way, speaking of Scott Hall -- on last night's Thunder after Scott said (and I quote), 'DOWN WHERE?' the rest of the Vince-made stars said "DOWN THERE!" And then they all pointed to their crotch areas. My oh my, what will the children think?!!! But, hey, don't sweat it, I won't tell any of your sponsors about that incident...I'll keep it between us. Get a life. Later."
I just thought this was interesting cuz, well, look at what has transpired since then -- both of Vince's "disciples" are now running WCW. I guess 15 months is long enough to forgive and forget. Or whatever. I'm out.
TONIGHT: Take a look at what happened Thursday - something more will happen tonight! Yikes - what a NOTHIN' promo
One World Leader Attitude - TV-14-DLV - WWF!
Opening Credits - no time for dilly-dallyin' about, yo - hey, they've almost totally retooled them again - no Shamrock, no Billy Gunn lookin' like Jeff Jarrett, no head bobbin' from D'Lo...and so on
But they still start with the fireworks and crowd shots! WE ARE LIVE from the Gaylord Entertainment Center in Nashville, TN 19.6.2K - Tennessee? An AWFUL state! Tonight: SIX (count 'em) King of the Ring "Round of 16" matchups! Good Lord, will there be time for a twenty minute interview? Let's hope....NOT!
KOR TOURNAMENT: KURT ANGLE (AMERICAN HERO) v. BUH-BUH RAY DUDLEY - "It's Your Olympic Hero and all-around great guy! And I've been all around the world spreading good cheer, and I have to say it's great to be here in Nashville, Tennessee - I mean, I've been all around the world, and I've seen rednecks all around the world, and I have to say that you people are definitely the most genuine rednecks - it's true - give yourselves a hand...give yourselves a hand. And speaking of rednecks, my opponent tonight could perhaps be the biggest redneck of all times. His name: Buh Buh Ray Dudley. And Bubba, we all know that you like to put your opponents through tables. And the people here in Nashville like to use their tables for different purposes - maybe to stack their welfare cheques on them, or possibly to inbreed on 'em, or what have you, but the point is - the point is, Your Olympic Hero has a table of his own...a special table. A table on which I will pradly - PROUDLY display my King of the Ring crown when I win the tournament - it's true, or what you people in Nashville would say...it's true, yee haw." Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! where the Dudleys took quite a ride in that dumpster - off the stage and through a table off the floor. Dudley holds his right side as he walks down the stage - Angle sees this and smiles. Lockup, go behind, big takedown by Angle, riding him on the mat, turning into a pinning predicament for 1. Both men back up. Dudley with a slap as the crowd chants "table." Right, right, open-handed slap, another, Angle turns at him but Dudley ducks and hits a backdrop suplex. Into the ropes, knockdown by Dudley, up and over, off the ropes, Angle with a high leapfrog, but Dudley stops, turns around, waits for ANGLE to turn around, then clotheslines him. In the back, D-Von Dudley watches on a monitor. Right, into the ropes is reversed, Angle's head is down, Dudley picks him up and drops him down in a big sitout powerbomb - but Angle gets a shoulder up at 2. Picking up Angle - and putting him down with a right hand. Dudley going up to the second turnbuckle, but Angle pops up and throws some rights, climbs up - BELLY-TO-BELLY OVERHEAD SUPERPLEX!! Angle tosses Dudley out over the top rope, and Dudley remembers to hold his side. Angle out as well - kick, whip into the barricade. "Oh, Jesus!" I guess he's in pain. Angle whips him into the barricade on the opposite side. Angle breaks the count and comes back out again - suplex on the aisle! Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda implores Angle to get back in the ring, and he complies. Dudley back in the ring before 5 - Angle with a right, right, kick, scoop - and a slam. Angle to the ropes - MOONSAULT! misses. Dudley with a clothesline and a Samoan Drop - leg hooked - only 2. Into the ropes, Angle ducks a clothesline, Dudley with a full nelson - Uncle Slam! Angle kicks out at 2. Angle whipped into the corner, charge misses, belly-to-back suplex...2 count for Angle even with all four shoulders down. Field goal kick by Angle - to the top rope - but Dudley is over and hitting the rope, causing Angle to lose his balance and crotch himself on the top turnbuckle. Right hand by Dudley - HE climbs to the second floor - superplex hits! - cover - 2! Angle put into the ropes, reversed, clothesline ducked, Dudley tries the Bubba Cutter, but Angle shoves him off...and catches him in the Olympic Slam! 1, 2, 3! (4:42)
We cut to the Faction's office where folks seem pleased about Dudley's loss. Vince leads Shane, Stephanie and Triple H out...stopping to wish X-Pac luck in his match with Benoit ("You know what? I don't NEED it. I got his number" - yeah, that and you never job in singles matches), before walking outside, leaving Dogg, Tori and X-Pac in the dressing room. The camera follows Vince outside, where Brisco & Patterson catch up to him with a FAX...from his wife. "My *wife*?" "You know..yeah, Linda. She's the CEO, Vince." Vince snatches the FAX. "I know who my wife is!"
What the hell's up with Jean-Claude's HAIR?
And now, TWIX presents the WWF Slam of the Week! From last night on Heat, Chris Jericho runs in and destroys a PERFECTLY good Hardcore Holly/Triple H matchup
Here comes TWO THIRDS OF THE HOLLYWOOD SQUARES with "My Time" accompanying them on the big speakers - Vince lags behind as he's busy wearing his reading glasses and studying the FAX. Coming up next: X-Pac vs. Chris Benoit! For our benefit, Vince rereads the FAX in the ring.
H has the first word tonight: "You know, I just wanted to let you guys
know what a pleasure it is to come out here each and every week and stand
in this ring, the World Wrestling Federation champion, knowing that I'm
surrounded by family, that I'm surrounded by friends, and surrounded by
people that I can count on - or at least, people that I *thought* I could
count on. You know, we ask the two of you to do simple tasks. Get coffee,
you burn yourselves. I mean, it's easy stuff - SHUT UP! It was a simple
thing, Gerry - one photo...Pat - one photo. We beat up Kane, we take his
mask off, you take one picture. You screwed it up! Plain and simple.
Doesn't matter whether it was him, doesn't matter whether it was you, ya
screwed it up, but I'll tell you what - you're in luck, because we'll deal
with it later...because today is a good day. You see, Thursday night,
everything worked out like it was planned...just like it will at King of
the Ring. You see, because as unified as Linda McMahon's team SEEMS to be,
I've got the feeling that there's not gonna be a whole lotta love that day
in the ring, ya know? Because they all want to be the World Wrestling
Federation champ pretty bad, which means they all want to be #1 Contender
pretty bad. And I gotta say, I don't think any of 'em can rely on the
others...so... ["Slut!"] ...so when King of the Ring is over, Undertaker is
gonna be very disappointed. Kane is gonna be very disappointed. And also
very disappointed is gonna be the Rock. Ya see, because none of them will
be the #1 Contender, and I will defend the World Wrestling Federation
champion...ship in the--July against the winner of the King of the Ring.
You know, Shane, blood is thicker than water and we will prevail - because
like I've said...this Faction...is just that damn good." It's hugs all
around as the crowd chants "Shane's a pussy" - and Vince reads that FAX a
THIRD time. Shane: "I think I have proven I am the Giant Killer! You have
it mistaken! Now in case you don't grasp what Triple H is saying here, I
couldn't agree with the Champion even more, because lying in this ring will
be either Kane, Undertaker or the Rock, because Vinnie Mac my pops, Shane-O
Mac and Triple H will be victorious at King of the Ring, and why? Why, you
ask, it's quite simple. Because, as Triple H said, we are family, blood IS
thicker than water, and we are unified! Let's go back to last Thursday
night, and let's show you an example of why the Faction is so confident
that Rock, Kane and 'Take will have absolutely no effect - let's check it
out, now of course the Undertaker at this point is in jail where he belongs
- WHAM! in comes X-P-A-C - not that we needed D-O-double-G, nor do we need
Bull but just in case we had him down there, Chris Benoit boom
andthenfromtherethisiswhatI'mtalkin'bout, WHAM! This is the preview for
King of the Ring, Triple H with a Pedigree on either Rock, Kane, or the
Undertaker, this calls for a great family celebration!" A group hug...is
cut short. "C'mon, Pop, what?" Vince, who is again wearing his glasses
and rereading the FAX for the thousandth time, takes the mic. "Just for
the record...just for the record, I truly love my wife (Linda). Now I
won't deny that my wife (Linda) and I have had some personal problems of
late...I won't deny that my wife - Ms. Goody-two-shoes - has been meddling
in my business. I won't deny that my wife sent this FAX, given to me by
Brisco and Patterson just before I came out here. I won't deny that in
this FAX my wife reminds me that she's the CEO. I won't deny that in this
FAX, my wife figuratively questions the size of the Faction's testicles,
complaining that we always interfere in matches, that we constantly take
advantage of others, and that we're just not fair. Well, my wife, the CEO,
proposes that, in the six man tag team match at the King of the Ring this
Sunday, that instead of Kane, Undertaker and Rock competing to see who's #1
Contender, my charming, darling, wife/CEO states that Kane, Undertaker and
Rock should actually be competing for the WWF Championship this Sunday.
Furthermore in this FAX, my wife, in a personal attack, questions whether
or not my grapefruits shrunk to the size of raisins! Well I'll tell ya
what - if either Shane, Triple H or myself defeat either Kane, Undertaker
or Rock this Sunday, then as Triple H stated, he will defend the WWF title
in July against the winner of the King of the Ring. IF, HOWEVER, Kane,
Undertaker or Rock defeat either one of the three of us this Sunday at the
King of the Ring, then that person will unquestionably be the World
Wrestling Federation champion!" H gets ready to rush Vince, but Shane
manages to hold him back. "However--" off mic he says "easy, don't become
a hothead" in Triple H's direction. "However, tonight, Kane, Undertaker
and Rock will have to EARN this championship provision - all three
individuals must be victorious in their respective matches here tonight, so
therefore in a Handicap matchup, the Hardy Boyz will square off against
Kane - in yet another Handicap matchup, Bull and Bradshaw will square off
against the Undertaker. It's Bull & Boss Man face the Undertaker, later on
In This Very Ring tonight, the team of T&A in a Handicap matchup will
square off against the Rock. Now, just to make sure that everything is
fair tonight, there will be no interference in either of these three
matches from anyone in the Faction or anyone in the locker room,
whatsoever. Now I ask you, LInda, how's that for a giant set sized of
grapefruits, huh? How's that?" Triple H asks Vince if he's lost his mind.
I'M just trying to figure out what a giant set sized of grapefruits is...
This Friday, FX's "Toughman 2000" Season Premiere features "Pro Wrestling vs. Pro Football!" Right after ECW!
Back in the dressing room, Triple H does a bit of ranting and raving...which Vince doesn't exactly appreciate.
KOR TOURNAMENT: X-PAC (with Tori) v. CHRIS BENOIT - Hey, who's the face in this matchup? Just thinking aloud there, sorry. Two crotch chops from X-Pac. Lockup, side headlock from X-Pac, Benoit turning to a wristlock, hammerlock from X-Pac to a side headlock, Benoit pushing the pile to the corner, X-Pac switches, referee "Blind" Teddy Long calling for a break, X-Pac cutting loose with a chop. Benoit chops back and X-Pac falls to the mat - and backs to a corner.
Long holding Benoit back until he
comes out - kick as he comes in - side headlock from Benoit - X-Pac shoves
him into the ropes, hard knockdown by Benoit, off the ropes, up and over,
leapfrog over a rolling Benoit, spinning heel kick takes Benoit down.
Kick, elbow, elbow, kick, into the ropes, clothesline ducked, Benoit chops
him down. Right, into the ropes, big back body drop, X-Pac puts Benoit
over the top rope to the floor. I'd give real money for Lawler and Ross to
start calling this match. Kick by X-Pac as Benoit tries to climb back in.
X-Pac decides to go out after him, landing an elbow on his way to the
floor, and puts Benoit hard into the STEEL steps. Coming up tonight, three
handicap matches and four more KOR matches. Benoit rolls back in, stomp,
stomp, elbow, back to the side headlock. This crowd's pretty quiet, but
they aren't chanting "boring," at least. Benoit with some elbows to the
kidneys, but running into another heel kick off the ropes - 2 count. Head
to the buckle, kick, kick, kick, kick. Benoit slumped down in the corner,
X-Pac going to the horsey dance and here comes the broncobuster...oops,
took too long. Benoit got out of the way and X-Pac lands crotch first.
Benoit up - X-Pac over, Benoit "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," kick
misses by a mile, into the ropes is reversed, knockdown by Benoit, snap
suplex by Benoit. Tori up on the ropes, Benoit over - but he must have
eyes in the back of his head as he sidesteps an advancing X-Pac, and TORI
takes the forearm! German suplex mit bridge - 1, 2, NO! X-Pac doesn't job
in singles matches, you know. Hard Irish whip into the corner is reversed
- X-Pac's shoulder only finds the post. Benoit quickly takes advantage of
the injury to put on the Crippler crossface...only X-Pac has a foot on the
bottom rope. Arrrrgh. Long demands a break - and gets it - along with an
earful from Benoit. X-Pac runs at Benoit - only to end up on the wrong end
of a shoulerbreaker. Benoit up top - flying headbutt MISSES. Here come
DUDLEYZ...why? Dunno. X-Pac gives D-Von a
forearm but Buh-Buh
Ray has his sights set on Tori...in the ring, X-Pac with a gutshot and X
Factor attempt - which is countered by Benoit into a press'n'drop - another
Crippler crossface and THIS time X-Pac quickly
taps. (4:53) Thank God -
if he had gotten pins on BOTH Malenko and Benoit in the same month, I might
have had to write a letter or something. The Dudleyz quickly hit the ring
and start a fresh, NEW beating on X-Pac - I would think ROAD DOGG would be
out anytime soon, and I'd be right. Dogg gives Buh-Buh Ray a shot to the
ribs, putting him down long enough for Dogg to get in on D-Von with a
pumphandle slam. X Factor for Buh Buh Ray, then Tori gives the ribs
several kicks. The refs and officials separate DX from the Dudley Boyz,
and you have to think that now that both Buh-Buh Ray and X-Pac have been
eliminated from the tourney, we've cleared the way for ANOTHER tag team
match between these four...graphic tells us that Chris Benoit has advanced
- and also, that Subway sponsors King of the Ring.
Chyna and Eddie Guerrero are WALKING! Chyna tells Eddie to be serious - and he better think of her as his opponent, and not as "Mamacita." From Guerrero's expression, I'm not too sure his heart is fully into that idea...
When we come back, DX is asking Vince for a match with the Dudleyz at the PPV (whoa - that was fast!) Before all is said and done, Vince has booked a "Handicap table dumpster" match between Road Dogg, X-Pac and Tori and the Dudley Boyz. The DX folk seem ... apprehensive? Triple H is quick to tell Vince, with no modicum of sarcasm, that he's a genius...
KOR TOURNAMENT: THAT SLUT CHYNA (with her bazooka) v. EDDIE GUERRERO - Chyna was on the Tonight Show on Friday - here's some extended clips. If you're into the Tonight Show, watch Wednesday when the Rock will be on! Eddie brings a bouquet of flowers - I'm sensing he's not taking this as seriously as Chyna requested. Chyna thanks him and puts the flowers down - then returns to the centre of the ring. Eddie trying to pull Chyna out of the ring, and she refuses. Eddie with a hug, Chyna shoves him. Chyna offers the Hand of Friendship - Eddie tries to kiss it - Chyna pulls it away and asks him to please be serious. Eddie tries to kiss the OTHER hand - again she makes the request - then she slaps him. "What was that for?" Eddie blocks a punch...then holds up on one of his own. Guerrero with a side headlock - Chyna powers out, Guerrero knocks her down off the ropes. Off the ropes, up and over, Chyna with an arm drag takeover, clothesline, powerbomb (!), 1, 2, Eddie puts a foot over the bottom rope. Guerrero drags himself up in the corner, Chyna with a right, right, Guerrero reverses it - and Chyna tells him not to hit her. "You want me to get serious - then you don't want me to get serious, make up your mind! Chyna kisses the air and flashes a smile - Eddie moves in for a smooch....and gets put in the corner and belted with four forearms. Into the opposite corner - crappy handspring elbow. Chyna with a military press and beal. Side headlock...Guerrero powering out and putting her in the ropes, leapfrog - Chyna drops down for the nutshot...but she won't do it. Guerrero is eternally grateful. Grabbing Chyna's hand for a quick kiss - then pulling her down into a rollup and hooking her legs with one leg and her shoulders with the other - referee "Blind" Jack Down with a rather quick count - 1, 2, 3! (2:25)
and walks off alone.
Guerrero walks up after her...and then we get a Subway graphic of Guerrero.
Backstage, Edge promises a night which will reek of awesomeness as he defeats Chris Jericho to move ahead in the King of the Ring tournament AND get back in the good graces of the Fac-gime! He asks Christian if he'll be accompanying him to the ring. Christian says he's got a meeting with "a guy who's the friend of a friend of a guy that knows the cousin of the editor of Tiger Beat." "So...you're gonna miss my match to meet with some guy who's the editor of Tiger Beat?" "Yeah, pretty much." "Do what you gotta do, man - good luck!" "Yeah, good luck to you too - that cover is SO ours." "Sweet!"
Wow, FX really wants me to watch "Toughman 2000: Pro wrestling vs. Pro Football"
In the dressing room, Guerrero tries to make up with Chyna - who mopes. Flowers - no. Chocolates - oh, she's on a diet. Finally, Guerrero offers a puppy - awwwwwww - and Chyna smiles again.
KOR TOURNAMENT: EDGE v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO - "Welcome to RAW is JERICHO! And what I want all of you Jerichoholics...to do tonight, is to take out your cameras, because standing right over there, for the benefit of those of you with flash photography, is a Hanson-haired, cheesily grinning, bona-fide jackass! But seriously, Edgeward, I know you wanna be on the cover of Tiger Beat magazine, and as far as I'm concerned, you're a shoe-in! Because let's face it, who knows more about 'beating' than you, Tiger!" Jericho ducks a lunging Edge and here we go. Jericho with a right hand, right, into the ropes, Edge ducks and chops. Jericho chops back. Back and forth with the chops - now it's all Jericho. Into the opposite corner, biiiig back body drop. Quick clothesline - and 2 count for Jericho. To the ropes, chop, Edge reverses a whip and hits a spinnning heel kick. Edge to the apron to try to recover - Jericho to the corner, springing off with a dropkick - and a baseball slide dropkick to the outside! Chop, chop, towards the steps, but Edge manages to jump the steps and halt his momentum (including a "hey, cameraman, please clear the way, pretty please" desperate hand motion) - Jericho tries to follow...and gets speared. Both men out on the floor - referee "Blind" Tim White puts on a count...5...6...Edge starting to spear...7...Edge back in the ring...8...9...Jericho back in - just BARELY beating the count. Subway Double Feature of the leap and spear. Edge on Jericho with all kinds of kicks. Scoop - Jericho tied to the tree of Woe and Edge with two more kicks - then a dropkick to the sensitive area. Jericho put into the ropes, buried a knee into the gut. Edge with a knee to the small of the back - cover - 2. Jericho with a right, right, chop, shoulderblock, into the opposite corner is reversed, and Jericho hits sternum first. Edge putting Jericho on his shoulders - then dropping him face-first. Edge with a chop - into the ropes, trying for the knee again but this time Jericho catches it and rolls him over. 1, 2, Edge rolls is over! Jericho with a right and a chop, whip into the opposite corner, but Edge puts a boot up - Edge climbs the corner - and flies into a dropkick. Both men down - both men dragging themselves up. Jericho ducks a right and then throws one. Right, into the ropes, reversed, flying forearm by Jericho! Bulldog. Cover - 2. Subway provides a Double Feature of Jericho's dropkick to a flying Edge. Off the ropes, Edge ducks once, but not twice. Following the back elbow, Jericho is up for the Lionsault - but Edge's knees are up! Edge covers - only 2!! Edge with a chop. Trying to send him into the ropes, but Jericho holds on and reverses it - gutshot, powerbomb - DOUBLE powerbomb is countered (!) as Edge climbs up and rolls down his back - 1, 2, NO! Jericho with a single-leg takedown - Walls of Jericho? Edge struggles to fight it - but yes! Edge taps out! (5:29) Subway presents this graphic of Chris Jericho!
Triple H tells Bull and Boss Man that he NEEDS the job done tonight. Bull looks ready to find ANY excuse to fight with Boss Man....ehh, must be my imagination.
Meanwhile, Undertaker is ready to drive his bike!
Hey, look! Some TENNESSEE
TITANS in the crowd! You can DAMN well
bet once the XFL starts, we stop coddling those wussy *NFL* players!
THE GHOST RIDER (with Kid Rock's CD cover sponsoring his entrance, A Beautiful Titan Bike, and two mysteriously-moved sets of STEEL steps) v. BIG BOSS MAN & BULL BUCHANAN in a Handicap match - Subway sponsors King of the Ring, if you haven't been paying attention. Crowd is pretty loud with the "hey hey" bit of the Kid Rock - who'da thunk it? That song's getting over with the crowd. Let Us Take You Back to RAW when Buchanan stole 'Taker's bike, and 'Taker stole a car to follow him. Switching to SmackDown!, we saw the cops walk off the 'Taker, who gave Buchanan a free sample of chaw. Already it starts, as Boss Man & Bull have words over who will start the match. The RAW credits appear here - I expect a TV ratings box any minute now - TV-14-DLV, thank you. Buchanan shoves Boss Man into Undertaker, who throws a mean soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone. Back elbow, elbow, menacing look to referee "Blind" Mike Chioda, kick, soupbone, head to the buckle. Kane watches on a monitor in the back. Into the opposite corner, Boss Man puts up an elbow, right hand, he offers a hand to Buchanan, who won't tag. He turns his back! So Boss Man tags HIM, right between the shoulderblades and slides outside. Buchanan with a nasty look to Boss Man - oops, probably shouldn't keep his back to the Undertaker, who throws a forearm and knocks him to the floor. Undertaker follows out - soupbone! Soupbone! Soupbone! Rock watches from a locker room as well. Soupbone for Boss Man! Buchanan put back in the ring, and 'taker follows. Soupbone! Head to the buckle. Kick, back elbow, into the ropes, head down, Buchanan slides up and over his back, landing on his feet, kick to the gut, then tosses Undertaker out to the floor. Boss Man puts Undertaker's head to the STEEL steps (still on their side and against the barricade), then, after a right, puts Undertaker back in the ring for Buchanan. Stomp, right, left, right, right, right, left, right, uppercut, right, Undertaker seems perturbed - soupbone! Soupbone! Soupbone! Into the ropes, big boot to the face, soupbone for Boss Man, gutshot by Buchanan, into the ropes, shoulder ducked, Undertaker scoops up Buchanan and puts him on his shoulder (because the tombstone is apparently banned) - anyway, he puts him down, spying Boss Man in the ring with the nightstick. 'Taker DARES him to swing it - Boss Man decides he'd rather go back outside the ring and watch. Buchanan off the ropes, caught in a choke - chokeslam! Boss Man actuallly walking away - he wants no part of this. 'Taker covers - 1, 2, 3. (3:09)
We cut to the Faction's office, where Triple H again gets rather caustic in proclaiming Vince's "genius." Vince asks H to please chill. Shane suggests that maybe this isn't a good plan. Vince holds up a hand as if to say "let's watch the other two matches end in failure first."
Rikishi is WALKING! He happens upon Too Cool. Scotty asks him not to take it personally when he drops the worm on him - Rikishi asks HIM not to take it personally when he backs his ass up. They touch fists - then Rikishi bumps both of them out of the shot with his big ol' cheeks - and supresses a laugh to the camera. Now, all three of them are once again WALKING!
Here's an exterior shot of the Nashville skyline...and the Nashville Arena.
Saturday, the WWF was in Minneapolis at the Target Center. Hey, look, GOVERNOR JESSE VENTURA was there! They asked him which wrestler would be his running mate should he run for president. Ventura said he's NOT running, but his pick would definitely be Chyna. "...remember one thing, McMahon, there are people more powerful in the world than you! Hahaha..."
KOR TOURNAMENT: SCOTTY 2 HOTTY v. RIKASHMONEY -
Let Us Take You Back
to the past two weeks of SmackDown! and show you that Val Venis and Rikishi
haven't exactly been getting along. Brief discussion in the middle of the
ring, ending with Rikishi saying, "why don't you come off the ropes and try
to knock me down." Sure enough, off the ropes, big shoulderblock by
Rikishi. Hotty breaks up - Rikishi shoves him down. Hotty pops back up
and peppers the big man with rights. Off the ropes, duck, dueling hiptoss
attempts go nowhere, Hotty puts a leg over his neck, backflips up, ducks a
clothesline, superkick (!), 1, 2, kickout with authority. Grand Master
Sexay checks out the action on a monitor backstage. Hotty right, right,
right, off the ropes, Sunset flip attempt - no - big buttdrop misses, Hotty
with a dropkick - and 2. Right, right, right, off the ropes, Rikishi
counters with a big powerslam. Off the ropes, drumstick drop, 2 count.
Hotty put in the corner, into the opposite corner, clotheslined down.
Rikishi warming up his rump - but the splash MISSES - Hotty with a bulldog,
constipation face, W - O - R - M - hoo hoo hoo - hiya! 1, 2, Rikishi
powers him through the ropes to the floor. Hotty with a kick from the
apron, in over his back, off the ropes, but fallen into a Samoan Drop.
Rikishi warms it up again - and THIS time, the fat ass splash hits. Taylor
falls to the mat. Rikishi drags him in to position, smiling all the way -
Banzai Drop! 1, 2, 3! (2:53) Hey, no
stinkface. Lucky us! Rikishi
ready to pick up Hotty and make up, but BALD VENIS is in and
behind. Right, right, right, right, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, standing on the neck. I may have missed a
stomp, and I'm sorry if I did. GRAND
MASTER SEXAY is out and HE eats a
clothesline as Venis makes his way out and back up the aisle. Play his
music! Hey, you think these guys will meet on Sunday?
Undertaker catches up to Kane and offers some words: "Hey little brother. Big man, you gotta get it done out there. Don't show the Hardy Boyz any mercy, aight? I'm serious; don't screw this up. In fact, why don't you act like it's ME you in the ring with...you shouldn't have any problem."
Yesterday on Superstars, they showed footage of Shawn Michaels throwing out the first pitch. What do you MEAN you don't watch Superstars? Sunday at 10 (9 Central) only on USA! (fortwomoremonths)
HARDY BOYZ v. KANE in a Handicap match - RAW is WAR is brought to you by Castrol (want a poster?), Stacker 2, and Squaresoft's "Vagrant Story" for the PlayStation! It's almost as if they KNOW that Vince Russo is sitting home, watching, and they're gonna put on this match where about *100%* of the audience knows who is gonna win, but they're STILL going to put on the match, and, who knows, they MAY use some WRESTLING to tell the story ANYWAY...just because they can. One more time we see Rock watching the proceedings from his locker room. Jeff's gonna start. Kick to the gut, body work ... no effect. Right, right, double choke from Kane, put in the corner, uppercut, back elbow, uppercut - well, maybe "WRESTLING" was too strong a choice of words. Hiptoss across the ring by Kane. Got him by the hair...into the ropes, Hardy ducks the clothesline, ducks the big boot, gets scooped up, but the Tombstone is illegal so he punches out, off the ropes, Kane presses him up and drops him down. Undertaker is watching on a monitor as well. Into the ropes, Hardy jumps over him and tags, slides under Kane (who missed the tag), causing him to turn his back to the incoming Matt, who dropkicks the back of the leg, continuing to kick the back of the knee, kicking the thigh, but Kane punches him down and shakes it off. In the corner, Matt with punches, Kane with a knee. Right hand - right, right by Hardy, European forearm by Kane. Right hand puts Hardy down. Lifting him for a backdrop suplex, Matt flips backwards and backs into his corner, where Jeff tags. Gutshot by Kane, Matt put in the corner, charge is sidestepped, Matt down on all fours as Jeff runs at him - boosted side kick. Both men pour it on - Matt with punches and Jeff with kicks. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long asks them to please follow the rules and Matt backs off. Jeff with a kick in the gut, into the ropes is reversed, big boot by Kane. Sidewalk slam! Kane goes outside - let's take a look at the Subway Double Feature. Kane with his "flying-but-I-always-land-on-my-feet-before-it-hits" clothesline for 2. Shot for Matt, who falls to the floor. Hardy with a crossbody that takes BOTH men to the floor - both men land on their feet! Matt runs at Kane who dumps him into a handstand on the apron, springing off the ropes with a DDT (hmm, I thought those were illegal) - Kane pops up. Matt whips Kane into the apron, but it's reversed. Kane scoops up Matt on his shoulder, but before he can perform any banned moves, Jeff runs the barricade...Kane drops Matt and catches Jeff in a choke. Matt up to the apron, and flying off with a clothesline. Kane pops up and clotheslines Matt - Jeff, back in the ring, runs the ropes and hits a somersault plancha! Back in the ring - Matt wants the Twist of Fate, but Kane stops him and places him on the top turnbuckle. Jeff eats an uppercut. Kane up
to superplec Matt -
Matt elbowing him as Jeff comes back and adds some pounding to the back.
Tandem legdrops - Matt covers, kickout at 1. Jeff with a dropkick...up for
the swanton bomb, but it MISSES. Matt with a right, into the ropes,
reversed, clothesline ducked, up for a sidewalk slam...no, in position for
a tombstone? No...Kane turns it into a one-armed powerslam. Bah, give me
ONE tombstone already. Jeff breaks up the pinfall attempt at 2. The guy's
HAIR hits the mat - NOBODY gets hurt but it LOOKS painful. THAT'S the
whole deal with the piledriver. Banning it is STUPID. STUPID. STUPID.
Oh yeah, there's a match. Jeff pounding on Kane, Kane tries a clothesline
but Jeff ducks it. Hardys have him in the corner and try to pour it on
again. Into the opposite corner, Matt on all fours, but Kane slips out
before Jeff can hit another side kick - Jeff lands on the second rope,
climbs to the top, ready for a twisting moonsault but slips and lands RIGHT
on his head. He was supposed to hit Matt, who dutifully fakes a collision
and falls anyway. Kane has Matt in a choke - CHOKESLAM! Jeff's out - he
ain't helpin' his brother. 1, 2, 3. (6:20)
We cut backstage to see Triple H telling Vince that's two. "I can count - all right?" "If Rock wins, I am warning you." "You're warning me? This is not your WWF championship - it's ours, all right? Take it easy." Shane and Steph each pick a McMahon and separate them...
Jerry Tolliver drove the Rock funny car this weekend - eat THAT, John Force!
Triple H expresses frustration to his wife...about his father-in-law
KOR TOURNAMENT: CRASH HOLLY v. HARDCORE HOLLY - Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! where John Shaft made two appearances in Letterbox-O-Vision at WWF New York. Hardcore has new music that sounds suspiciously like his OLD music - on a 45 played at 33. They're called records, ask your parents. Slugfest erupts, rights traded. Into the ropes, powerslam by Crash for 2. Crash kicks away, into the opposite corner is reversed, boot up by Crash - to the top rope - BIG plancha for 2. Crash with a right, into the ropes is reversed, body scissors by Crash into a rollup for 2. Crash up - Hardcore takes him down with a powerbomb for a long 2. Crash laid out on the ropes - Hardcore kicks him in the abdomen from the bottom up. Yikes. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Crash, big clothesline by Hardcore off the ropes - cover - 2. Open-handed slap by Hardcore, another. Holly with words for referee "Blind" Tim White. Into the ropes, back elbow by Hardcore. Crash thrown out through the ropes and Hardcore follows. Forearm to the back, head to the barricade, another slap, Crash put back in the ring and Hardcore follows - stomp, backbreaker across the knee - 1, 2, no! Snapmare takeover, boot between the shoulderblades. Crash put in the corner, kick, kick, kick, kick, choke for 4. Advancing on Crash, who sneaks in some kicks. Crowd hooting and hollering at a hot chick in the crowd (well, if they aren't, they SHOULD - or...they could react to the match, too...I mean, if it's not too much trouble). Elbow, elbow, elbow, elbow, Hardcore comes back. Vertical suplex coming up - cover...2. Out bound PAT PATTERSON, GERALD BRISCO and referee "BLIND" MIKE CHIODA. Brisco is carrying a 2x4 behind his back while Patterson brandishes a lead pipe. We almost miss out on seeing Hardcore's Best Dropkick in the Business as we stare at the Stooges. Patterson, on the apron, asks Hardcore over and over "Why don't you come and get me, boy?" Meanwhile, Brisco is in the ring and using his 2x4 on Crash. White calls for the bell and Crash advances. (DQ 4:17) Hardcore isn't too pleased about this and turns to face Brisco. Patterson sneaks in from behind and ... gets demolished. BUT, while *this* is happening, Brisco is back in and breaking his board over Crash's head - cover - Chioda in position - 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new Hardcore champion! (call it :23 - hmmm) Brisco does the war dance, "Real American" plays, and the Stooges take off. Ross calls it "hideous music." Hardcore nails Crash with one more right and walks off. "That's a bunch of CRAP, Tim!" Subway presents this graphic of Crash Holly, and we gotta give them credit - only one DQ out of eight matches in this round...
Buy the King of the Ring pay-per-view, send in your cable or
satellite bill and receive this Stone Cold can cooler - STONE COLD! STONE
COLD! STONE COLD!
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago where the Stooges colluded to get Brisco the belt back.
Coming back live, backstage - Chioda is dispatched to lock the door. Patterson has some champagne for Brisco, himself...and the ref. This goes on FOREVER (well, okay - a minute). "Do you love me? Tell me you love me!" "Yes, I love ya, Pat!" Patterson pours another bottle of champagne over Brisco's head, burning his eyes. Patterson grabs yet ANOTHER bottle of champagne, breaks it over Brisco's head (!) and covers for the 1, 2, 3! (title reign: 6:37) Patterson and Chioda make a break for it.
Your hosts are a pair of kings - LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER. On Wednesday, there's a big XFL press conference in Memphis. Hoo-whee it'll be exciting!
Triple H addresses T&A on the importance of this upcoming match - Stephanie adds some words...Test never looks at her. "Whatever, Steph." Triple H puts a hand in Test's face but Albert holds Test back before it can come to blows. "Just get it done!" Albert: "This is our shot."
MICHAEL KING COLE has some words with the Rock. Finally, he's come back to Nashville! He's not gonna win this match for Undertaker, or for Kane...he's gonna win it because he's the People's...champion. Huh? Rock says that unlike Test, he isn't 6'7" and 280 pounds with long blonde hair, and unlike Albert, he isn't 6'8" and 330 pounds with a pierced anus (aww, "anus" got bleeped). Rock IS 6'4" and 274 pounds of bona-fide, Grade A bring your candyasses! Huh? Rock decides to pause to acknowledge his chant...then cuts straight to "If ya smellll" 'cause we must be short on time or something
And now, the WWF Rewind, brought to you by Please Don't Smoke! From SmackDown!, Trish Stratus interfered liberally to give T&A the win over the Hardy Boyz - after the match, Lita hit the UGLIEST legdrop in the world on Stratus.
T&A (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) v. LA ROCA for a stipulation - Undertaker brandishes his tebacky and watches on a monitor. Hey, I bet we get a shot of Kane later in this match. Albert will start out. Well, actually ROCK will start - gutshot, right hand, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Test to the Rock's back. Rock turns around and smacks Test, then dumps Albert over the top rope to the floor. Test comes in and runs at Rock - and HE gets dumped over the top rope to the floor! Rock goes outside after Albert - head to the commentary table. Head to the STEEL steps. Right for Test, right, right, whip is reversed into a clothesline of Albert, Rock turns around and gets clotheslined by Test. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner asking them to please get back in the ring, if it's not too much trouble. There's the shot of Kane watching a monitor. Back in the ring, Rock pops up and clotheslines Test, but turns around to eat a clothesline from Albert. Albert puts Rock in position for a big boot from Test. Test mounts Rock and makes piston-like with his right hand. Head to the turnbuckle, series of kicks, standing on the neck, Hebner pulls him off. Tag to Albert, open shot. Uppercut, Rock punches back, right, right, off the ropes, Albert catches him in a sidewalk slam. Albert tells Rock that HE is the great one.
Stomp, stomp, I think he said "anus"
'cause it got bleeped again. Right hand, into the ropes, back elbow, tag
to Test. Rock put on the second rope with a choke - Hebner pulling Test
off, so Stratus is over to pull on Rock's neck. Test drags a limp Rock -
oh, but he punches right back, fresh as a daisy. Man, I hate that
no-sellin' bastard. Test knocks down Rock again, into the ropes, Stratus
trips up Rock - Rock turns around and grabs Stratus by the hair. Test
tries to sneak in a shot from behind, but Rock has eyes in the back of his
head and slips it - right, into the ropes is reversed, head down, GOD-awful
swinging neckbreaker. Stratus up on the apron, Rock with a gutshot and DDT
(hmm, I thought they were banned) - Albert with the ring bell and while
Hebner stares at Stratus' cleavage, Albert WAFFLES him. Man, I can't WAIT
to see Rock no-sell THAT! Test covers - 1, 2, shoulder up. Test with a
right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Rock Bottom (blaah) - Albert in,
Rock with a right, right, into the ropes, reversed, duck, double
clothesline and both men are down. C'mon, Rock, you can shake off a shot
with the ring bell, but you can't get up from THIS? Hebner cuts off his
count at 8 when all three men stir at the same time. Rock blocks a right
from Albert and hits one of his own. Ditto for Test. Again for Albert,
again for Test, alternating rights, kiss a right for each man. Albert
dumped outside - spinebuster for Test, People's Elbow, 1, 2, 3. Yeah, I
know. EVERYBODY loves this guy but me. Too bad *I'm* the one writing this
thing - ain't that a BITCH? (6:06)
Triple H goes ballistic - Shane continues to hold H and Vince apart. Vince tells Triple H to "just wait until SmackDown!"
Rock poses on the ropes, credits are up, WWF logo is up, we are out.
Hmm, didn't even go five minutes on the overrun...wonder if that'll affect the ratings?
Man, it's after 11pm - is that pixellation REALLY necessary? I mean, they're so skanky anyway, who CARES. Oh, and they beep when they call 'em "bitches," too - ehh, SCREW Farm Club.
Here's your updated brackets. If they look like shit, it's because WrestleLine ignores my careful formatting and they need you to write to them and complain about it.
Angle Rikishi Buh Buh Angle Rikishi 2 Hotty _______ _______ Jericho Jericho Benoit Benoit Edge X-Pac _______ _______ Crash Venis Hardcore Crash Venis J. Hardy _______ _______ Bull Bull Guerrero Guerrero Saturn Chyna