/24 July 2000
WWF RAW is WAR
QUOTE: WWFE 20 5/8 (- 1/2)
You know, a LOT of people have been publicly unhappy about the fact that their favourites went down last night! "Unfair!" they whine. "Glass ceiling!" they cry. "Holding back the 'new blood!'" they moan.
Let's look at the undercard, shall we?
Val Venis vs. Rikishi - "Newer" talent Venis goes over "long-established" performer Fatu/Rikishi
Christian & Edge vs. Acolytes - The young guys lost to the veterans by DQ - but kept their straps
Eddie Guerrero vs. Perry Saturn - Saturn takes the title, but this one's a wash as they arrived the same day
Tazz vs. Al Snow - Snow's got *years* on the thug, but he lost
Hardy Boyz & Lita vs. T&A and Trish - Lita gets the pin, but this one's rather a wash.
What's my *point?* Well.....try hard enough, and you can find patterns ANYWHERE. It all depends on what you include - or exclude. Oh, and also it can be more important how you GET to that win or loss - not what happens *once* you get there. Don't believe me? Ask Goldberg about his loss to Nash somtime. Or, hey...ask Kevin Nash about the finger-poke incident!
For the first time in many weeks, my VCR failed to catch the final quarter hour of "Walker" and the live RAW promo. I *know* you're disappointed in me....and I'm sorry!
Oh, and Larry Musso rules.
TV-14-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
Close captioned - opening credits - they sneak Angle and Tazz in there?
Let it roll - the PYRO's away and the crowd's JAKKED - from the Frank Erwin Centre (or maybe somewhere else - they never ID'd it) in Austin, TX 24.7.2K it's THEY NEST - TOMORROW AT 8!! ONLY ON USA!! Oh, wait - it's the nigiht after Fully Loaded - tonight's a good night for a fight, says Jim Ross - tonight - RAW - IS - WAR!!
COMMISSIONER FOLEY leads us off. "I was...just a little bit nervous before Fully Loaded last night, I will admit, because I wanted to make sure that the first WWF pay-per-view that I had something to do with as a commissioner was worth the price...I think it's important to know that when people lay down their hard-earned money, they get one hell of a show in return. And I do believe that at Fully Loaded, the WWF came up big time! What about Val Venis and Rikishi inside a steel cage? I have seen death-defying moves before - hell, I've even performed a few in my career, but I have never - I have never seen anything like a four hundred and twenty five pound man standing sixteen feet in the air, coming crashing down full force on Val Venis! And though I have been told that Mr. Venis will return to action sometime in the near future, they damn near had to scrape Val off the canvas with a spatula! And then we had our three big main events - number one, where an Olympic champion learned firsthand! [Boo] It's true - he learned firsthand just why they call the Undertaker the American Badass. Now, I don't know if Kurt's common sense got trapped somewhere within his massive neck, or maybe his brain was just jogged a little bit when his head hit the floor on the Undertaker's Last Ride, but King Kurt has *demanded* a rematch with the Undertaker. And hey, I'm not just your commissioner, I'm a wrestling fan as well, and as a wresting fan, I'd like to see Kurt get his ass kicked as much as all of you! So I am inclined to give you that rematch In This Very Ring tonight...right here in Austin, Texas! (thumbs up) Then we have 'Last Man Standing' - and I'll take my hat off right now to both men, Triple H included, as well as Chris Jericho, because they showed a lotta guts, a lotta pride, and a lot of testicular fortitude...in putting on one of the greatest WWF matches of all time. And now, let's hear it for the Rock [he said 'the Rock!'] Thank you! Thank you very much - let's hear it for him *and* Chris Benoit [boo!] because I don't know if many of you know it, but I got just a little bit involved in last night's WWF title match, and a lot of people have asked me if I miss being in the ring, and until last night my answer was always 'no.' But as I sat about four feet away from ring, last night, and watched Benoit and Rock in one of the greatest WWF title matches of all time...I did indeed miss the ring and I was wishing that it was me in the main event. And now I will admit that the outcome was somewhat controversial, but I think that--" The line forms here - CHRIS BENOIT & BIG SKIPPY make their way down to ringside. "Controversy? CONTROVERSY? There was no controversy! I got screwed, plain and simple - Foley, you're nothing but a damn fraud!!" Shane holds him back. "Easy easy easy!" Turning to Foley, "I don't blame Chris Benoit for being mad. Because Chris Benoit...[Rock E!] Chant the name Rocky all you want because everyone knows that Chris Benoit should have the World Wrestling Federation championship around his waist right now, including you, Mick, including you - hold on, Chris, hold on...okay? There are rules around here! There are constants in the World Wrestling Federation! When my father was running things, when my grandfather was running things, when my great grandfather was running things - hell, Mick, even when Stone Cold Steve Austin, for a brief amount of time when he was running things, there have always been constants, and that one constant remains that *the referee's decision, no matter what, is final* - hear me, Mick? That the referee's decision, no matter what, is final. So allow me to take you back to last night at Fully Loaded and allow me to show you - and show the world, yes, that Chris Benoit is truly the World Wrestling Federation champion - check it out!" Let Us Take You Back to Last Night as Earl Hebner calls for the DQ - and Howard Finkel announces the decision AND NEW World Wrestling Federation champion. "Hold on a second, don't you understand? Now, Mick, who are you to come out here and change that lineage? Who are you, Mick?" "Shane, Shane, you are right - up until last night, the referee's decision was always final, but let me tell you about things, Shane, because things...change. You see, Shane, I can picture you about ten, twelve years ago, be-bopping in your room as Vanilla Ice sang 'Ice, Ice Baby' - but where is that LP now, Shane? It's in a garbage hump in Hackensack, New Jersey - things change! (did he say 'hump?') Chris Benoit, I can imagine that ten, fifteen, twenty years ago, you may have cracked a smile or even laughed at a joke, but obviously, that has changed as well, as a matter of fact, the only thing that doesn't change in life is your dad's hairstyle, which will remain, after all of us are long gone." "You think this is funny - you think this is some kinda joke, Foley? Last night, at Fully Loaded, I proved to the world that I am THE greatest technical wrestler in the history of the WWF - and I am THE WWF Champion! Your decision last night was nothin' but a blatant abuse of power. Last night, I beat the Rock for the title and TONIGHT I *demand* a title fight with the Rock right here, to once again prove to the world that I am THE World Wrestling Federation champion!!" "Wait wait, wait a second, Chris - Chris - yeah, you proved a lotta things last night, and I can guarantee there will be a rematch in your future, but you're getting awful worked up, so as far as having that rematch here tonight, I'm going to have to take THAT under advisement." "Under advisement? Well, that's just not good enough..." Benoit throws down the mic...and removes his shirt. But it's time to hit the music again as "My Time" plays and STEPHANIE ONO comes out alone. Shane parts the ropes for her, then gives her a quizzical look. We see Stephanie say "I'm out here for you," then turn to Mick with mic in hand. "First of all, I would like to say...that after winning one of the most brutal and grueling matches in WWF history, my husband proved once again to the world that he is The Game, and that he is that damn good, and then later on last night, my husband proved to me multiple times just how good he really is. But as far as tonight is concerned, I am here in support of my brother, and the rules that my family have instituted in the WWF since its inception, so Mick, I strongly suggest - you know what, Mick? I demand
that you book the rematch tonight for the WWF Championship
between Chris Benoit and the Rock." "Steph, I'm going to make a confession
here tonight that I've never told anyone before, and that is last year -
for about two and a half seconds - while I was recovering from a serious
head injury - I found you moderately attractive...I did...but after
reviewing your actions of the past several weeks, I now find myself more
inclined to agree with Chris Jericho's assessment--" Stephanie hauls off
and slaps him one - if memory serves, I think that's the second time she's
gotten to do that. "Stephanie - I COULD FINE YOU RIGHT NOW - but that's
not good enough! I could fire your ass right now! But I'm not going to.
You see, Stephanie, you and Shane, every time I turn around, always seem to
want to get involved in WWF matchups! So tonight, you and your brother
will indeed become involved in a WWF matchup...for the first time in
wrestling history, I am going to book us a brother-sister tag team match!
Right here in Austin, Texas...against two opponents of my choosing. And
that's not all, Shane - you tell Benoit NOT to get involved. Stephanie,
when your husband comes limping in, you tell Triple H NOT to get involved.
Because if either do, then I'll guarantee you, I'll fire the whole damn
bunch of you!" Hit his music! Shane looks to be trying to convince his
sister it's no problem. Here's a replay of the slap - and here's another
Meanwhile, the Rock is WALKING!
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: D (with X) v. STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) - Tonight: Godfather takes on Buchanan with the ho's on the line. Dogg rhymes "Blackman" with "Pac Man" - can the title of poet laureate be far behind? X-Pac takes third headset and says "shit" instead of "shiznit" but gets bleeped in the nick of time. He and his tag team partner are engaging in a little friendly rivalry to see who is the better singles wrestler - Dogg thinks taking this title will prove HE'S the better. Dogg with a chain around the right, right, drops the chain. Right hand, into the ropes, reversed, Dogg ducks a clothesline, left, left, left, juke, jive, Blackman picks up the chain and HE wraps a right. Mounting him, Blackman throws four more rights without the chain. Blackman outside to bring back the garbage can lids. Into the ropes, lid to the...lower abdomen. And now to the small of the back. Blackman with the second lid...it happens to have a handle cut out - now there's a Hardcore champion who puts some THOUGHT into his weaponry! Getting a full rotation behind it - SPINNING lid shot to the back of the head! X-Pac says he'd love to run in on it, but Dogg said he wanted to do it himself, so... Blackman with a running bulldog with lid under his jaw - 1, 2, no. Blackman outside for some more fun - he's got the entire trash can now. Blackman sets it up between the top and second rope. Right hand, right, Blackman whips him across the ring towards the can, Dogg reverses it and Blackman slides to avoid the can. Blackman ducks a clothesline, but turns to charge towards Dogg, ending up in a drop toehold - right into the garbage can! Dogg dropkicks Blackman in the back - his head (allegedly) hitting the garbage can. Dogg does "the Crane" for the amusement of the audience. Blackman outside - Dogg to the apron - big karate chop to the floor. Gabage can lid to the head. Atomic drop on the STEEL steps - hey, he stole that move from Blackman! Dogg on the apron - there's an Ultimo kick to the back. Off the apron to the floor - garbage can to the head! Dogg going under the ring - he's found a broomstick - now this is NEVER a good idea with Blackman in there, but X-Pac proclaims Dogg "a master with the staff." Blackman seems to have found some batons as well as they meet in the centre of the ring...Dogg is taken aback as Blackman gives us his routine. X-Pac actually knows what the "Pilipino fighting sticks" are called, but unfortunately I don't have a clue what he said or how to spell it. Also, I don't care to know, so hold your horses on sending me that email. Actually, if you've read this far, God love ya. Blackman gets a stick to the back of Dogg's leg. He dares Dogg to try again - Dogg swings wildly, gets closer, is blocked, and Blackman hits the back of his leg again. Dogg decides to try again - stick is blocked, but Dogg finds the mark with a kick. Shot to the back of the head with the stick. Dogg poses to the crowd...but Blackman gets up, pissed. Blackman tumbles under another staff shot, and now he's ALL over Dogg with the sticks. At least six shots there. "You know it's comin', this is MY house!" Preach it, Great One! Blackman picks up Dogg by the jersey, gives several crotch chops with the sticks (!), puts one up in Dogg's area, and hits a modified backdrop suplex with extra special stick in the gonadular region. Referee "Blind" Chad Patton in position - 1, 2, kickout! Blackman produces a chair. Dogg put into the ropes, duck, gutshot by Dogg, DDT onto the chair...1, 2, no! Dogg tries a chairshot, but Blackman ducks it - off the ropes with the Lethal Kick to the chair! 1, 2, 3! (5:29) X-Pac says he thinks *he'll* give Blackman a challenge for Thursday - "we'll see who's the better martial artist then!" I think the great thing about Blackman as hardcore champion is that we don't have to spend a lot of time jumping the barricade and going all over the building doing comedy shit. Blackman is THE MAN. As X-Pac leaves, Jim Ross says "thank you, Road Dogg!" Here's a replay of the Lethal Kick.
Backstage, Stephanie is dressing up - Triple H finally arrives and Stephanie starts to tell the tragic tale of events past - trying to explain how she got into the match by slapping Mick, which happened because she came down to the ring...when she gets to the bit about "Benoit should be champ - well, you should be champ, but..." you can actually see H think to himself "how come I'm so much better an actor than she is?" Actually, he ponders some flowers on the coffee table, but...
H tells her he's
not really feeling too good and not in the best of moods, and what's with
the flowers anyway? Another Kurt Angle/Chris Jericho thing? Stephanie
asks him to read the card. H says he doesn't have to read the Goddam card
(wow, slipped one by, Hunter!) and throws the vases into the wall. "I
don't need a damn card to see somebody's settin' me up!" "Hunter, those
flowers weren't from Jericho or Angle...they were from me...to you!" She
walks off unhappy, and H gives us an "aww MAN" look.
And now, the WWF Slam of the Week - brought to you by 1-800-CAL-LATT (and not David Arquette - that's that Wayans brother instead) - from last night's Fully Loaded - Rikishi makes as Superfly on Val Venis.
BIG SKIPPY & STEPHANIE ONO v. ? - "They Nest" airs tomorrow at 8 - ONLY ON USA! Brother and sister enter to "No Chance in Hell." Shane's *still* trying to convince Stephanie that this won't be a big deal. First opponent, with new music, is LITA. Hey Lita, pull your pants up! Or just rip 'em all the way off, hell. Shane: "Why don't you just back right up there for a second...you just back right up. You just back right up and hold on a second. Just because we got forced into this match doesn't mean anything - do you know what happens when an animal is cornered? That animal turns ferocious and I'm gonna unleash my sister all over you - but you know what? You know what? She's not the WWF Women's champion for nothing, but I'm not gonna allow anything to happen to my baby sister, no, no matter what happens. It doesn't matter WHO the opponent is, because I am proud to stand in this ring in the first-ever brother/sister match with my sister, Stephanie. I am *proud* of that fact..." Wellllllll.... WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW. Shane's eyes bug out. He's back, baby. Show steps over the top rope - Shane ducks out under the bottom rope. The chase is on - Shane up the ramp and outta there - Show close behind. Stephanie watches all this from the ring...all we need now is that slow realisation that she's alone with Lita and referee "Blind" Mike Chioda...perhaps a McMahon-esque exaggerated gulp...a slow 180 - wait, this is Stephanie, and she can't act. Instead, the bell rings, we get NOTHING from her but a Madden-esque fly-catching mouth, she just turns around and goes down to a clothesline. Stephanie crawls to a corner...and there's a hair beal by Lita. Here's another one. Kick, suplex, going up for the moonsault...here comes MUFFY - NO, WAIT, IT'S TRISH STRATUS (THE FITNESS MODEL) - there's a crotchin' for Lita. Trish reveals that she has a leather strap around her waist - err, HAD one. Stephanie removes Lita's top and Trish commences to whuppin'. Field goal kick by Stephanie. We take a look at her bruise makeup. Alternating whips from Trish and kicks from Stephanie. "My Time" plays - umm, this match isn't over? (No contest 1:35?) Yeah, zoom in on that bruise again! Commentators wonder aloud where Shane and Show have gotten to. Trish and Stephanie walk off arm in arm, presumably for some hot lesbo action behind the curtain (my ratings just went up!) - here's a replay of the shenanigans 'twixt Trish and Lita.
Big Show is WALKING! He wants to know where the "billion dollar butt plug" is. He gratuitously swears a lot and busts down a door - oops, no Shane there. Well, no matter. How'd he manage to lose Shane?
THA GODFATHA (with sixteen - no, eight women) v. WALL BUCHANAN (with Steven Richards) in a High Stakes match - "Mr. Buchanan - cut my music - Mr. Buchanan and I are happy to say that after tonight, a program once littered with indecency will be one step closer to becoming acceptable...[ass hole]...so Godfather, say goodbye to your pimping!" Quick rundown - Godfather wins: Richards ceases censoring, Richards wins: Godfather ceases pimping. Thus, "High Stakes." Godfather leaves the ring and tries to get Richards, but he ducks and Buchanan is there to get him with a clubbing blow. Various punching, whip into the steps is reversed. Godfather puts him in the steps again. Into the ring and the bell sounds to start the match. Buchanan put in the corner, kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, kick, kick, standing on the neck, referee "Yeah, it's me" Tim White asks for the break. Into the ropes, reversed, big boot by Buchanan. Bull tries to clothesline Godfather out of the ring, but he ducks and dumps Bull instead - but HE holds on and skins the cat to get back in. "Skinning the cat" = "athleticism" ... or something.
Godfather simply throws him
out again - then holds onto the necktie and hangs him. White gets him to
let go of THAT. Buchanan trying to get back in - Godfather ready to help,
holding him by the shirt - Buchanan drops down, throating Godfather on the
top rope - back in, off the ropes with an elbowdrop, and now off the ropes
for a second one. Nice suplex by Buchanan gets 2. In the corner, right,
left, right, left, right, right, right, right, right, kick, kick, standing
on the neck - hmm, this looks *familiar!* White forces the break again.
Buchanan chokes him on the second rope - Richards pointing an accusing
finger the whole time. Off the ropes, head down, kick, right, right, right
by Godfather, trying a flying shoulder tackle, but Buchanan ducks and
Godfather sails through the air. If Jim Ross were such a defender of the
first amendment, he'd ask all of us to please vote Libertarian in the fall,
but I'm getting the feeling it's just an act. Buchanan springs off the
bottom rope with a stomp. Into the ropes, clotheslining him down - 1, 2,
shoulder up. Scoop...and dropping him throat-first on the top rope. "Save
the ho's" chant from the crowd. Godfather outside - Buchanan on the apron
and stomping on his back. Buchanan on the floor as well, taking
Godfather's head to the STEEL steps. Back in the ring, Godfather manages a
kick, another, one more, in the corner, whip out into the opposite corner,
back elbow up from Buchanan. Into the ropes, big powerslam, 1, 2, shoulder
up. Crowd pops. Right, right, Irish whip into the opposite corner, follow
clothesline, back to the first corner, you get the feeling he's going to
the well once too often? This one misses. Godfather with a clothesline of
his own - there's two. Meanwhile, outside the ring, Richards has a chair -
two ho's are over to counteract. Richards takes rather unkindly to this,
shoving one to the ground and giving the Steviekick to the other.
Godfather with a big boot in the ring, into the ropes, back body drop.
Irish whip into the opposite corner - it's time once again for the Ho
Train...oops, Godfather appears to have run right into Steven Richards'
chair - Tim White, of course, is outside tending to the fallen lady and
completely missing what's going on in the ring. Buchanan pulls himself up
with some kind of gymnastic thing involving rotation around the top
turnbuckle...now he's climbing up top. Guillotine should do it. 1, 2, 3.
ain't easy, but it sure is done. Richards and Buchanan
exchange a hearty handshake. I think we got us some new "most overest
heels" here. Oh yeah, and anybody who bitches about this finish 'cause
they don't get to see no mo ho's ain't a wrestling fan.
Outside, Shane hides behind cars, but Big Show seems to have picked up the scent of a sweaty, sweaty McMahon. Surreal moment: Ross: "He's behind the car, Show!" Lawler: "Shhh! Be quiet!" Show actually finds him - Shane's "Oh (Jesus)" gets bleeped, then he comically tries to dive over a car...then decides to jump to one side and run away. The chase continues..
Kurt Angle - is - WALKING!
Wow, for a brief split second I think I actually saw Janet Jackson in this "Nutty Professor II" ad
WWF New York shill - juxtaposed with "They Nest" at 8 - it's ALL about the shillin', chillin's
KING KURT ANGLE (with TV-14-DLV ratings box & WWF Live hype for the Saturday Pittsburgh house show) v. THE GHOST RIDER (on his Beautiful Titan Bike, with the RAW credits) - "You know, I'm sure all of you are wondering why I have requested a rematch with the Undertaker tonight. Because the Undertaker did not beat Kurt Angle at Fully Loaded - oh no. The Undertaker beat a man living in fear. I'm sure all of you know what it's like, living in Austin, to live in fear - fear of whether or not your welfare checks are comin'. Fear of whether or not - and this is a good one - whether or not the kid is yours...or your brother's...or your neighbour's...or the mailman's...but I could go on and on. But the point is, the Undertaker beat a man in fear of his life - but you know what? I'm still here. I'm walkin', I'm talkin', I'm AOK! You know, there's an expression in the sports world, and it goes like this - 'wait until next year.' Well I say nuts to that - I say, wait until right now! Yeah! And that is true!" I'll be DAMNED - those steps have mysteriously stood up on end and moved to the barricade so Undertaker can lap the ring! Angle decides to step outside. Undertaker out after him. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long asking them to please consider taking it to the ring and saving him having to go out there. Angle with a right hand to the jaw - Undertaker comes up smiling. Undertaker blocks the next one and throws the soupbone. Angle backing up - now in the ring. Undertaker coming in - stomp by Angle. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed - see, you just shouldn't try that. Angle ducks a clothesline...but gets caught in a choke off the rope. Chokeslam. Well, this is even more convincing than last night, isn't it? The Undertaker is the true American Badass. Yup. Hey, look, here's BIG SKIPPY come over the barricade and looking behind him, where WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW is lumbering behind. Shane's in the ring - soupbone from the Undertaker! Soupbone for Angle! Shane in a choke...Show in the ring now, asking his old friend to please let *him* have him. Shane in a choke...Undertaker going to put Angle in the powerbomb position...Show's let go of Shane?!? Shane steps in 'Taker's line of sight and urges him to turn round and look behind him...'Taker turns around...well it's a big clothesline! Well it's a big elbowdrop! Angle kicking and stomping away on him while Shane holds him down, chokes him - and Show drops some more elbows and then legdrops on 'Taker's knee. Angle tosses Long - Well it's a big elbowdrop on the knee. Shane peppering 'Taker with rights. Some more referees and officials come out - and scatter when Show runs 'em off.
The tripleteam continues. Crowd
chanting for Kane, but he must not be around tonight.
ahhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM for the Undertaker. "Wellllll...." Say, didn't
Show and Shane hate each other? Well, they're walking off now. Angle's
right behind 'em...tho' we don't know for sure if he's in with these two or
not. Let's call it (no contest
3:14). There better be a DAMN good
explanation for this. The stretcher is rolled out...but 'Taker isn't gonna
have any of it. "Just.... let... me...... get.... to.... Beautiful Titan
Bike.... and.... drive..... away...." Here's a replay of this - and that.
We are told that Undertaker's leg may have been destroyed. That would be a
pisser - he's SO OVER.
Oh boy! More Eminem! It's the muthafuckin' Farm Club!
Moments Ago - hmm, watching it the third time, it STILL doesn't make much sense. Hey, I thought Undertaker and Show were friends!
MICHAEL KING COLE catches up with Undertaker and asks him how he feels. 'Taker promises that payback's gonna be a bitch. Then Show, Shane and Angle come back in and continue the beatdown. That big smiling sun on the wall lends a special clash of joyfulness to this rampant violence, don't you think? I think Undertaker's learned his lesson: don't EVER stop to rest near a pile of garbage cans, metallic objects, and cinder blocks that can be broken over your knee. Season's Greetings, Undertaker! The refs and officials catch up with this and separate the triad from the screaming Undertaker.
CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO is out for a little unscheduled fun 'n' games. The commentators are quick to remind us that Triple H *only* beat him last night "by one second." Yeah, I guess *his* push is DEAD. "Last night, at Fully Loaded, I experienced the most violent match I've ever experienced in my entire life. It was barbaric, it was pure brutality, and to be quite honest with you, it was the greatest match I'd ever had in my entire career. And it pains me to say this, but I have to hand it to ya, Triple H, 'cause you really took me to the limits of my abilities, both physically and mentally, I mean you exposed a side of Y2J that neither I nor any of these Jerichoholics had ever seen! Quite honestly, there's no doubt in my mind that you beat the heck out of me, but there's no doubt in my mind that I beat the living HELL out of you! I spilled your blood, hell, I tasted your blood, and you know what? I liked it! And even though you were technically the Last Man Standing (by one second), I think if you watch a tape of that match, you'll see that maybe you're not quite the Game that you think you are. And I think you'll see that last night, Y2J was the Hunter. But, having said all that, after the brutal beating we gave each other, and after all the hell that we put each other through, well, I mean the only thing I can think of to say is I am not finished with you yet! (holding ribs) Hahahaha...even though I can hardly drag myself out of bed this morning, and even though it feels like there's a knife piercing me in my side right now, I want some more of you! And I don't care what kind of a match you want, I don't care how you wanna do it - I want you, and I want you not next week, and not next Monday, but how 'bout, mmm, I don't know, let's say right here and right now, tonight!" We look backstage to see H watching on a monitor....and ready to answer. "You know something, Jericho, Jericho, I want you to listen up. I want all those idiots out there to listen up and listen up good. Because I'm about to say something, something's about to come out of my mouth that you don't normally hear. Chris Jericho, I'm not the kind of guy that comes out here and toots somebody's horn, but last night, Chris Jericho, Dallas, Texas, Last Man Standing match, you proved a lot of things - you proved to all the Jerichoholics - you proved to me - that you're a whole lot tougher than I ever gave you credit for. Chris Jericho, you proved to the world, you proved to me, you've got what it takes, you've got it inside, you've got the guts, you've got the heart, you've got the desire! Chris Jericho, you've got...what it takes. But Jericho, the biggest thing you proved last night, undeniably, Chris Jericho, you proved to the world that you are nowhere NEAR in my league. Chris Jericho, last night I beat you within an inch of your life. I proved to the WORLD that I am every damn thing that I say I am! Chris Jericho, I proved to you, I proved to the world that I am The Game. And just like I always say, I proved that I am That Damn Good. But as far as tonight goes, Jericho - you want me to come out there? You want me to get it into you with it again? You want me to get into it with you? You know what...I don't think I feel like it - you know, I did all my proving last night. Last night, I walked it. Last night, I talked it! You know, there's not a damn thing left for me to prove to you or all those little Jerichoholics. I've already proved that I'm the better man. Chris Jericho, what I suggest you do is...I suggest you walk in the back, you grab your bags, and you save yourself another asskicking! You go to your hotel, you warm a hot tub, and you lick your wounds, Chris Jericho, and you learn to accept what sooner or later everyone else here learns to accept - and that is the fact that I am better than you!" "Well, I guess what you're saying is you don't wanna come out here and face me - so I guess that means that I'm gonna have to come back there and make a bigger mess out of your face than you seem to be making of your marriage! So flower boy jackass...here - comes - Jericho!" H tells him to bring it as he walks up the ramp. H says he ain't moving. We cut to see Jericho walking (WALKING!) behind the curtain, down a hall, right at the first door - we cut inside and...hey! They're actually tussling! The refs and officials manage to discern what's going on and do the ol' pullapart.
Meanwhile, Shane, Show, Benoit and Angle exchange congratulations -
Shane tells Benoit to bring home the gold, and Angle to hang with him. He
and Show pile in the limousine and take off.
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago when Undertaker said "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Ross proclaims the cinder block "Fully Loaded."
Fully Loaded encore promo
There's George W. Bush's house - and here's Frank Erwin's house
Moments Ago - Triple H did some furniture arranging JUST before Jericho hit - how interesting!
Say, that looks like Kane's shadow - saaaay, that *is* Kane! He's - ARRIVED! And now he's.....WALKING!
SCOTTY 2 HOTTY v. TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ - Did we mention that a leather strap match between Trish and Lita has been set up and we'll see it tonight? We can't remember. Why would we get so worried about properly using the royal "we" all of a sudden anyway? While we ponder that, let me (d'oh!) tell you that tonight, "RAW is WAR" is brought to you by Stacker 2, Castrol Motor Oily, and Bally Total Fitness. Tazz is on the cover of "RAW" magazine this month - is he over yet? Sensing a 2000 version of squash on a plat, I hereby declare this match my "I'm too lazy" segment of the night and blink out until the Worm hits. Tazz gets up and dumps a charging Scotty over the rope to the apron, ducks a clothesline which spins Scotty around, clamps on the Tazmission, pulls him to the centre of the ring, clamps on the bodyscissors and waits for referee "Blind" Jack Doan to notice the tapout and ring the bell. (2:07) We look to the ramp where RIKASHMONEY is slowly walking out. Into the ring, right puts Tazz down, right puts Tazz down, right puts Tazz down, whip out of the corner, fat ass splash, Samoan drop, Rikishi holds his ribs. Tazz takes his leave. Play Too Cool's music!
Back in the Commish's office, Mick and the tag team champs have a meeting. Mick says he didn't mean to exclude them from the praise for last night's card - why, he heard that Bradshaw had to have an ice pack on his hand from all the times their faces repeatedly hit it, and Faarooq needed one for his toe after repeatedly making contact with their butt cheeks! "Yeah, but look who still has the tag team belts." "DQ's rule!" Mick says he doesn't know whether to book them against the Hardyz or the Dudleyz tonight, so he's just going to schedule a three-way - they don't even have to get pinned to lose their titles. "My rulings RULE!" The tag team champs walk off, despondent. At this point, we take a good, long look at the phone on Foley's desk - which isn't even plugged in. "It's the little things." I mean that in a *good* way, this time. Kane comes in and demolishes his table. "Mick - I want Shane. I want Big Show. I - WANT - Kurt Angle - and I want 'em tonight!" Mick says he wanted to give him that match, but Shane and Big Show already left. But he'll come up with something he'll like. "You do that." I thought Kane was retarded?" Kane smashes a typewriter while he's at it.
Kurt Angle is ready to leave, but Mick Foley catches up with him.
He's none too happy after seeing the attack on Undertaker, and he's
decided to kill two birds with one stone. Tonight, it'll be a tag match -
Angle and Benoit against Kane and Rock. "And take those damn shorts off,
you look like an idiot!"
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ v. HARDY BOYZ v. EDGE & CHRISTIAN in a Triple Threat match - Hey! The camerman figured out he didn't have to sweep the arena, only to find Edge & Christian coming out through the entryway just like everyone else does! Everybody with a "Z" in their team name jumps the champs (who are taking their sweet time) and it's on - bell rings when they get back in the ring. Christian rolls outside, while the Dudleyz double shoulderblock Edge. Off the ropes, Edge ducks, but gets a hot shot from Buh-Buh Ray. Off the ropes, Christian, trips him up. Edge with a shot and a tag. Christian kicking and punching away. Punch, kick, punch, tag. Kick, punch, wow the innovation! Edge asks for a belt and tries to waffle Dudley - referee "Blind" Jim Korderas is over to take it from him - HE doesn't want to have to *disqualify* these guys! Dudley tries to catch him napping with a schoolboy - 1, 2, no. Edge with a gutshot and DDT. Boot to the head. Buh-Buh Ray comes back with a gutshot, and several rights. Edge to the eyes. Standing dropkick. Tag to Christian. Into the ropes, double clothesline ducked, Buh-Buh Ray's double clothesline hits. Buh-Buh Ray crawling to D-Von - makes the tag! Right for Edge, right for Christian, right for Edge, ducks a clothesline from Christian, jumping Slop Drop gets 2 before Edge breaks it up. Buh-Buh Ray comes in and tosses Edge over the top rope. Doomsday Device on Christian gets 2 - Matt Hardy coming in to break up the pin. Buh-Buh Ray is over to waffle both Hardyz. As they try to come in, the Dudleyz see this as their chance to hit what is now known as the "Wazzup" spot. I still like "headbutt to the graun," myself. The Hardyz *finally* make it in - D-Von ducks and Buh-Buh Ray double clotheslines them. "D-Von, get the table!" D-Von foolishly goes to the wrong side of the ring, so Buh-Buh Ray pulls it out instead. D-Von quickly circles the ring to join him - ensuring that Edge & Christian will bust out their "dropkick the table" spot they used a couple weeks back on Heat. Buh-Buh Ray runs into the commentary table as a bonus. In the ring, Matt Hardy is held by Christian...just long enough for him to avoid the spear, with Christian taking the brunt. Gutshot, Twist of Fate. Jeff on top with the swantonbomb. Cover - 1, 2, Buh-Buh Ray pulls Jeff out of the ring. I was waiting for him to say "D-Von and Christian were legal!" but instead, he just beats up Jeff - whip into the STEEL steps. Back into the ring - 3D (Dudley Death Drop) on Edge! D-Von covers, but Korderas is held up by Christian, who is on the apron (no doubt trying to relate that he's still the legal man). Matt hits a guillotine off the top to D-Von. Christian tosses Matt through the ropes as Edge covers D-Von - well, one legal men is better than none, I guess. 1, 2, 3. Champs [somehow] retain. (4:13)
From the makeup chair, Trish Stratus complains about the fact that someone as beautiful as she has to participate in something as ugly as a strap match. "Commissioner Foley is a sexist pig!" She threatens a lawsuit if this treatment continues...
Here's a look at the lovely gift shop in WWF New York...where many fin eitems can be purchased. Hey, look! Jackie's giving out autographs! "They Nest" is on tomorrow at 8!
Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit share a moment. Benoit tells Angle not to worry; he'll take care of the Rock - and all he has to do is take care of Kane. Angle fails to take comfort in this.
JONATHAN COACHMAN stands in the presence of the Rock. If I may paraphrase: "Finally, the Rock...is cookin'."
Lita has a strap! Her shirt is still off! And....she's WALKING!
And now, the Right Guard Xtreme Rewind! Anything less would be
uncivilised! From Fully Loaded last night, Lita does a series of
death-defying, overly twisty, shudder inducing moves.
TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL v. LITA in a Strap Match - Chef Boyardee presents SummerSlam! Trish decides to hightail it, so Lita cuts her off and whips her just before she can get over the barricade. Back in the ring, whip, top removed, whip, whip, whip takes out referee "Blind" Chad Patton - oops. Whip, Lita tosses the strap - Twist of Fate! Crowd chants "Lita." Lita ready to moonsault her - cue the run-in. Moonsault hits - sorta - she sorts overshoots her but oh well. Patton's out - no count. NOW cue the run-in - STEPHANIE ONO is ready with the Women's title - Lita turns round and DARES her to try it. This catches Stephanie off guard. Stratus tries to get up and hit a sneaky shot from behind, but Lita is ready and gives her a clothesline. This is JUST enough of a distraction for Stephanie to go for it - Lita manages to duck down JUST out of reach of the belt....oh, wait, I guess that's really just a terrible camera angle and we weren't supposed to see that Stephanie's swing missed by a MILE. Stephanie puts Trish on top as Patton comes to - 1, 2, 3. (1:38)
Kane commits wanton acts of destruction, while he is WALKING!
Meanwhile, the Rock is WALKING!
Fully Loaded encore promo #2
Commentators shill the USA Original movie "They Nest," airing opposite the encore presentation.
KING KURT ANGLE and CHRIS BENOIT (with hype for next Monday's Georgia Dome RAW - great seats still available!) v. KANE and LA ROCA - Undertaker has been hospitalised, yo. Kane goes outside to stalk Angle, while Rock gives the "bring it" hand motion to Benoit - here comes Benoit. Both men land rights, again, back and forth we go with the rights, now just the Rock, right again, into the ropes, back elbow. Benoit with an elbow to the midsection, chop, into the ropes, back elbow. Stomp. Stomp. Rock tries to pull himself up - stomp, stomp, chop, chop. Rock almost acting like it HURTS! Chop! Elbow, chop, Rock says "I'm done selling for you," switches positions with him, right, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT - but Benoit blocks *that* one. I guess if you're gonna block just one, it might as well be the spit right. Benoit with a right, elbow, into the rope sis reversed, Rock with a belly-to-belly overhead suplex - what the hell? Benoit to the eyes, then lurching to his corner to tag in Angle. Rock clotheslines him on the way in. Sigh. Kane would like the tag - and Rock would like to tag him. Kane with an uppercut. Double choke - throttling away on him - and dropping him to the mat. Angle begging off - trying to run, caught, put back, trying to run the other way, caught again and put back, right, right, right, right, right, uppercut. Angle tries to crawl to Benoit - Kane puts him in the ropes, Angle manages a kick when Kane puts his head down, ducks a clothesline, but not the second one. Angle's head meets the canvas. Into the opposite corner, Angle puts up an elbow. Angle runs - Kane catches him, swings him on his shoulder, and powerslams him down. Kane outside, to the top, flying clothesline. Choke...Benoit in to prevent that. Kane catches Benoit's next attempt and punches him - Angle hits a chop block.
Rock trying to come in, but referee "Blind" Earl
Hebner won't let him...unfortunately, also putting his back to the big
stompin' doubleteam taking place behind his back. Benoit back to his
corner as Hebner turns around. Angle tries a leg scissors, elbowdrop on
the leg, back to the legscissors - crowd chanting "Rock E." A few more
elbowdrops - Kane trying to open up on Angle's head, but Angle won't let go
of the hold. Whoops, now he's out on his feet - staggering to the corner
and tagging in Benoit. Benoit kicks the knee, kicks the knee, and kicks
the knee. I THINK he's working on the knee here. Off the ropes, but into
a big (other) boot. Whip into the ropes, Benoit tumbles under, and
dropkicks the bad knee. Benoit drapes the leg on the bottom rope and hits
the big buttdrop on the knee - twice. Tag to Angle. They each grab a knee
and drive it into the mat. Angle stomping all over the back and front of
the knee. Back to the anklelock - two variations for your viewing
pleasure. Another elbowdrop on the knee. Kane trying to come back -
dropping his good leg over Angle's neck, twice, three times...both men get
backup - Angle grabs his ankle, then his bad leg - Kane manages an
enzuigiri! Both men are down. Tag to Benoit - hot tag to Rock. Right,
you go down, right you go down, gutshot, DDT, right for Angle, spinebuster
for Benoit. Now you just sit there while I - no!! Angle with a
clothesline on the Rock preventing the elbow! WAHOOOOO!!!!!! Kane in to
uppercut away on Angle, but he's already stopped the Elbow, so who cares?
Benoit stomping on Rock as Angle finally goes over the top rope. Benoit
going for the snap suplex but Rock floats over and slaps on the Crippler
crossface! Will Benoit tap? Angle running up the ramp and Kane
following...nobody to save Benoit...Kane caught up to Angle, there's a shot
on the ramp - pressing him up...but BIG
SKIPPY appears with chair in hand.
The chairshot has little effect on Kane...but this forearm smash from
IT'S THE BIG SHOW does the trick. Show has Kane
up on his shoulder...right
into the wwf.com sign. He's gonna do it again so it looks better - oops,
almost dropped him - all right, Shane's gonna help this time. That's
better. Shane sprints down to the ring, where Benoit's been in the
crossface about 70 seconds. Rock breaks the hold and chases Shane
away...up the ramp they go, Rock actually catching him and putting him down
with an elbow. Kick, stomp, stomp, Shane rolling - Angle from behind with
a chairshot that puts ROCK down and now HE'S rolling. Benoit finally comes
to - stomping away on Rock, with Angle joining in, and Shane choking him.
Big Show stomping away on Kane in the background. Hebner breaks it up
somehow. Show, Angle, Shane and Benoit pose as "Big" plays - the credits
are up - Rock is down - and we're out. (No contest? 8:45?)