/31 July 2000
WWF RAW is WAR
RAW is at the Georgia Dome, you know something'll happen!
What's up with the Helmsleys? Do they need counseling? Hey, I think the
Rock might be around too. Twenty five thousand live - and you on the TV -
ten minutes away!
QUICK QUOTE: WWFE 21 1/4 (+ 5/8)
Graphic: In memory of Godron Solie 1929-2000 - Jim Ross: "Tonight,
we remember the legendary broadcaster and my friend, Gordon Solie, who lost
his bout with cancer last Friday."
One World Leader Attitude - TV-14-DLV - WWF!
LAST THURSDAY: When good marriages go bad - when bad actresses act badly - when husbands put their feet in their mouth - when people have anal sex with their clothes on - I wonder if Stephanie's seen the videotape yet - when wrestlers leave the building
Tonight, we look at a stretch limo arrive - and out steps Triple H...alone? Wait, forget ALL that - he's WALKING!
Opening credits (this show may be close captioned - but these credits ain't)
BLOW SOME STUFF UP 'cause we ALLLLL THE WAY LIVE from the Georgia Infamous Dome in Atlanta, GA 31.7.2K - is the Helmsley marriage on shaky ground? Will it survive the night? Will these fans at WWF New York get gouged for a tepid glass of Manhattan tap water? Will the 25,135 in the building get THEIR money's worth? All these questions and so many more will be answered...tonight...on this episode of "SOAP!"
D & X (with "The Kings") v. STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) & ? in a hardcore tag match - Take a drink every time Jim Ross says "over twenty five thousand." Let Us Take You Back to Last Week as Blackman dominated both men in separte singles matches on both big shows. Earlier Today, Blackman exposited for the camera: "Mick Foley has to be playin' some kind of joke - or he just can't think anymore from taking too many chairshots to the head - I do not need a partner to beat Road Dogg & X-Pac...and if I do, why does it have to be YOU?" The camera swings over to catch...AL SNOW, listening to a boombox with headset and sunglasses and making as Stevie Wonder to Peaches & Herb for our benefit. Back to the ring, where DX awaits the madcap duo...but by watching the Titantron, they end up with their backs to Snow and Blackman, who come in through the crowd and attack with signs to the back! Double cover - referee "Blind" Chad Patton over - double kickout at 2. Snow stomps on Dogg while Blackman punches X-Pac. Snow takes a sign to both men while Blackman goes rummaging under the ring. Chain in there. Garbage can in there. Blackman in there. They take Dogg and get ready to double suplex him onto the garbage can - but X-Pac is over just in the nick of time with powder to blind both of his opponents. Boot to Blackman's head. Stomp, stomp, stomp and Blackman goes outside. Dogg takes the sign to Snow. In the corner, X-Pac takes down Snow, who feels the trifecta kick in the corner. Dogg does the crane - then waffles him with the sign. X-Pac has the logging chain - Dogg whips him into a clotheslines with the chain. Blackman is back in and he's got a pair of garbage can lids - each man feels a lid to the face - Dogg with the spinning back lid. X-Pac manages a dropkick to the lid, but Snow is back up - and HE lids both men. On the outside, Dogg turns it around - HE gets a lid to Snow. Trying for a suplex - but Snow reverses it out on the floor. Chef Boyardee provides a Double Feature of X-Pac's dropkick. Snow hangs Dogg out to dry on the barricade - X-Pac off the top rope to the floor with an axehandle to Snow! Blackman saves him - back in the ring, X-Pac wants timeout but that ain't how it works. Kick, right, armdrag takeover on *Dogg* who was trying to sneak in - all he ended up doing was passing his weapons to Blackman, who says "thank you for the 'chuks" on the way down - but X-Pac hits a spin kick and Blackman drops 'em. 'Pac takes a lid to Blackman, then jumps to the floor to get Snow with it. Dogg with a lid to Blackman - now choking him with it. Now asking X-Pac to bring in some more goodies - the weapon bag is in! Blackman comes back - garbage can to Dogg - garbage can to X-Pac! Dogg whipped into the opposite corner - Snow chuks X-Pac right in the head. He's got the bowling ball - and he makes the spare on Dogg! Blackman tries to whip Snow into an Arabian something-or-other, but X-Pac cans him - then cans Blackman. X-Pac goes for a kendo stick and starts a-swingin' - Blackman tumbles under and ends up at the weapons bag, where HE produces some sticks! 'Pac starts swinging again - then loses his grip and it SAILS over his head and out into the crowd. I don't think that was planned, but the crowd got some big-time yuks out of it. X-Pac asks Blackman to wait a minute and security honcho JIM DOTSON grabs the stick and gives it back to X-Pac - man, he's *always* had it out for Blackman! Blackman, meanwhile, is content to let X-Pac have a fighting chance, because he KNOWS it won't matter if he's got it or not. Blackman runs at him and strikes the kendo stick about two hundred times with HIS bashin' batons - then dares X-Pac to come at him. Blackman blocks two shots and sort of blocks a third. Block, stick to X-Pac's knee. Block, X-Pac gets in a shot to the ribs. That PISSED him off, so he swats aside the next attempt and hits him about a dozen times in two seconds. STEVE BLACKMAN IS OVER! And here's the "stick in the groin" slam. 1, 2, Dogg suddenly remembers he's in this match and saves. Snow suddenly remember's HE'S in this match, and comes over to pound Dogg. Blackman positions the chair. Dogg ducks a lid shot by Snow - but Blackman doesn't. Aw shit...X Factor on the chair - 1, 2, 3. Damn that Snow! (6:14) Apparently, X-Pac does NOT win the hardcore title here - while I have a logic problem with that, I'm rather happy personally that Blackman's gonna hold onto the belt. Remember, it took *Al Snow* to have Blackman lose to these guys. I just hope he gets another shot at Snow - revenge will belong to the Lethal Weapon!
Another limo pulls up (or so we are told - hey, I'll bet it's the same limo in a different shot) - here's Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley - and she's WALKING! SEPARATE! THEY ARRIVED SEPARATELY! THEY...okay, Ross, I think you've beaten it over my head enough - thanks
|"My Time" plays - but who will come out? It's THE NEW MAN and all by his lonesome...although he IS carrying a large bouquet of Eddie Guerrero's red roses. Heeeeeey - maybe he's making a play for Chyna! They BELONG together! They-- oh, sorry. I need to stop doing that tonight. Let's listen. "Great - kick a guy when he's down - great. Y'know, I know that all of you know that I am a man that makes very few mistakes - almost never do I make a mistake. And when I have made mistakes in the past, my pride has always stood in the way of me accepting those mistakes and admitting those mistakes. Well, today I'm out here in front of all o' you... [ass hole!] Today I'm out here in front of the world to admit that I made a very big mistake. I'd like to direct this to my wife. I know she's here, Stephanie, you're in the back...I know what you walked in on last week had to look pretty bad, but you've gotta understand that was completely innocent. Stephanie, never, ever has there been anything between me and Trish Stratus and never will there be! Stephanie, you are my true love. Last week, my mistake was in not taking into consideration your feelings. When you saw what you saw, you exploded - rightfully so - but you never gave me a chance to explain it to ya. And then I get angry. And then things get said, when you're angry you say things you don't mean, and Steph, I didn't mean what I said. Stephanie, you have to understand something - this has been the hardest few days of my life - and I am out here in front of the world to apologise to you - and you know more than anybody how hard that is for me. Stephanie...I would like you to come out here and accept my apology and let me tell you in front of the world how sorry I am and how much I truly do love you." "My Time" starts up again - we see a grin from Triple H as STEPHANIE ONO appears at the top of the ramp and hits her one pose. Ross says they've spoken very little since last Thursday. Good thing they've saved it for you and me, huh? She's brought her own mic. "Hunter - you have no idea how much you hurt me. Imagine how you would feel if I was bent over in front of some guy - in front of...in front of Kurt Angle - how'd that make YOU feel? You know, I can't get the image of you and Trish outta my mind. And it makes me SICK! SICK to my stomach! And you know what else? For the past few weeks, you have been so obsessed with Chris Jericho that you've all but ignored me. You haven't paid me any attention - at all - but you sure have paid attention to Trish." Umm, what about all those multiple whatevers you were talking about last week...oh. "Steph...I know how that musta looked. But I got - I mean, Steph, c'mon I gotta tell you there was nothing to that. You've gotta believe me. Steph, come on. If there's one thing in our relationship that's always held up, it's trust. You always know that you can trust me. I'm your husband. I would never lie to you. Steph, there is nothing between me and Trish Stratus - there never will be anything between us. Now as for as for ignoring you with Chris Jericho, okay, maybe I was a little bit obsessed with Chris Jericho, but Steph, I was doing that in your defense. He called you the worst possible things on earth...and I defended you. That was for you. Now maybe it took all of my attention, but it was for you. Steph, you have to understand something - I love you. You're the most important thing in my life, okay? And...this week I can't even describe to you - you know? I mean, Steph, I've been beaten within an inch of my life In This Very Ring - I've been through wars with everybody - you've seen them with your own eyes, you've stood at ringside and watched me half bleed to death. You've stood at ringside and watched me endure more pain than any of these idiots could ever endure in their entire lives...and that was absolutely nothing to the pain I endure when I think of you leaving me...you might as well tear my heart out, rip it up and stomp it on the ground. The pain I have felt my whole career is nothing compared to when you look at me like that. Steph, I am out here in front of the world. I said things I shouldn't have said, I did things I shouldn't - I shouldn't have done. But I'm sorry. I know you love me, I love you, and we can move on. These are for you - and I want the whole world to know, everybody here to know that I'm sorry...that I love you. And if you will forgive me, I will be the happiest man in the world. Stephanie, I love you." They each drop their mic's - Stephanie smiles - and they embrace. He dips her! And here to break up this tender moment is COMMISSIONER FOLEY - complete with all sorts of fake tears. "Cut the music please...(sigh)...please stop...I know I should be embarrassed out here, in front of twenty-five thousand fans - millions more watching on television...but I just can't stop crying...because what just took place in that ring is the biggest load of horsecrap I've ever seen. Ahahahahah - in my entire life, now, hey, don't get me wrong, I firmly believe there is a place in the world for everything and a time in the world for everything - everything except that, because that...was hideous. Wait, Triple H, Steph, hey, hey, wait, wait, I don't wanna sound cold-hearted, because, believe me, I can understand your pain. After what happened, Stephanie, you catching Triple H red-handed on Thursday night, we all remember it, don't we? I know I remember it - Triple H, Steph, in case you're having a little lapse of memory, I brought along a tape also, let's have a look... There we go - oh my goodness! Caught with his hand in the cookie jar! Oh, you got some explaining to do now, mister. Oh, oh she's hot! Heh - hahahaha - hahahahah! Wait - waitwaitwait - now listen, Triple H, your personal life is your business. Just because I happen to find watching paint dry more interesting than you and Stephanie, it's still your business. *Business* is my business, Triple H, and when you start letting your marital spats get in the way of business, then it becomes my business, you understand? On Thursday night, you walked out on a match that was already set with you and Trish Stratus against Lita and Chris Jericho! Thereby depriving the entire world a chance to see Y2J kick your ass. So what I'm going to do is...I'm gonna fine you five thousand dollars. Waitwait - I know, I know, five thousand dollars is nothing to the Game, but what it is, Triple H, it's a warning. And if you ever walk out on a match that I set up again - you are out of the WWF! But there's an upside to the story, you see, I'm going to give you a chance to redeem yourself, because for the first time ever,||1.9|
we are going to have a husband/wife tag team match - right here in
Atlanta, Georgia (thumbs up), and I know the two of you are up for it,
because Stephanie, you are the WWF women's champion, and Triple H, after
all you are a... a former WWF Champion...and we will definitely see if
love, indeed, does conquer all, because now that you're not fighting with
each other, we're going to give everyone out there a chance to see you
fight against two other people - those two being Lita...and seeing how Y2J
isn't here tonight, I'm gonna give Lita another partner...the Rock. Have a
nice day!" The Helmsleys make assorted "curses! drat!" pantomimes for our
Earlier Today - two ho's protest Steven Richards' actions in front of the building. "Save the ho's!" The mere fact that they've made this into a chant should show ALL of us that they're still listening to the fans.
SummerSlam promo - or is it a Stacker 2 commercial?
Damn, speaking of Stacker 2 commercials...
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: EDGE & CHRISTIAN v. HARDY BOYZ (with Lita) - the cameraman is back to wandering around looking for these guys - it must have been a fluke that they got over that last week. Tonight, Rikishi takes on Tazz, and Eddie Guerro & Chyna vs. Perry Saturn and Val Venis! "Greetings to all of our fans in Hotlanta! You know we can stand out here and so make tasteless jokes about John Rocker, but we're not gonna do that because this is the home of the Atlanta Braves! Winners of countless national league pennants and quite possibly the best damn team of the past ten years! But despite all that, the Braves are known for one thing above all else..." Christian removes his trenchcoat to reveal a Yankees jersey. "Being the New York Yankees' personal (bitches)! So for the benefit of those with flash photography - this is our rendition of the past few World Series around these parts - we call this the (Bitch)lanta Braves." Christian grabs Edge's ankles and begs for mercy as Edge puts a thumb up. Ross updates us on a few injuries - Undertaker is nursing his wounded knee, and Chris Jericho is out indefinitely from internal injuries suffered during SmackDown! (Translation: we hope they're both enjoy their honeymoons.) Jeff and Christian start - gusthot by Christian, side headlock, Hardy punches, into the ropes, shoulderblock by Christian. Off the ropes, leapfrog by Hardy, Christian with the gobehind, waistlock counter by Hardy - Christian runs him through the ropes to the floor, going for a baseball slide but Hardy is back in as he goes out - Hardy with a swing through the ropes that connects with Christian - and there's a pescado! Christian put back in the ring, tag to Matt. Into the ropes, double back elbow, fistdrop/senton combo. Matt covers - referee "Blind" Jack Doan gets to 2. Christian with a gutshot and right, and Edge is tagged in. Kick, right, right, into the opposite corner, boot up by Matt - up on the second rope but Edge is back over, right, climbing up, right, right, Hardy shoves him away - legdrop connects! 1, 2, kickout. Thinking about the Twist of Fate, but Christian runs the apron - Matt ducks the clothesline and decks him. Edge gets in a shot on *Hardy* and he flies through the ropes to the mats. Christian stomps away on him while Edge chats about Jericho's wedding with Doan. Coming up, a LIVE report from the Republican National Convention! We can only HOPE that Mr. Bob Backlund is there. Back in the ring and Edge continues to stompin'. Right hand, tag to Christian, into the ropes, double flapjack. Ross says a few more words about Solie. Cover for 2. Taunting Jeff to bring him in, distracting Doan so they can illegally doubleteam him behind his back. Lotsa kicks. Into the ropes, Matt ducks the lariat and clocks Edge, then drops outside. Christian over to meet him - whip into the apron is reversed and Christian's back hits the ring. Matt runs at him, Christian tries to dump him over his head, but Matt hits his handstand on the apron, then bounces off the ropes and comes back down with his DDT. Back in the ring, Edge tries to put Matt in a powerbomb, but Matt manages a side Russian legsweep. Tag to Jeff! Hardy ducks an Edge clothesline and hits a flying jalapeno. Dropkick for Edge. Christian comes in, Hardy ducks a clothesline, double leg takedown, double legdrop between the legs. All four men in - Hardys whip Edge aross the ring, and there's Poetry in Motion - Jeff covers but Edge saves. Matt tosses Christian as Lita climbs onto the apron - huracanrana for Christian! Back in the ring...Twist of Fate by Matt - swanton bomb by Jeff - 1, 2...Christian pulls Doan outside. Okay, I'm getting a LITTLE tired of them using that EVERY week. For an encore, Christian decks Doan, ensuring the disqualification. Christian dumps Matt on the outside, then turns to Jeff. Jeff manages to turn the tide until Edge introduces a chair for he AND his brother. (DQ 4:35) Wow - the ever-popular chair sandwich - Jeff's head provides the meat of it. Here's a replay of Christian decking Doan for the DQ - and here's a replay of the chair shot.
Shane's crew cringes as they watch the replay. Shane goes into a brief pep talk about intensity... "Intensity's one of my three I's!" "Umm...sure." This brings Foley in, who says that they'll need that intensity tonight - Big Show has a match with Kane, and Benoit and Angle will team up against the Dudley Boyz.
Earlier Today, the ho's find another receptive audience in another
part of the building.
Coming back live, H promises that he won't let Lita do anything to his wife. Just as they get ready to coo, there's a knock at the door - it's Trish Stratus. She's here to set the record straight. Stephanie says that isn't necessary - she and Hunter have talked it over and it's okay. "So I hope you'll accept my apology." They shake on it. She leaves... "Can you believe that plastic, conniving (bitch)? And you know, I know the look on her face, okay? I'm a woman. I know how women are. She was looking at you like, wth - with certain intentions. And you know what? I don't like the way you were looking at her either." H ponders this...and stays mute. Ahh, he's LEARNING!
Moments Ago - hey, didn't we already see this TWICE?
Coming back live, the EMT's check Jeff for signs of consciousness. I think I heard Jeff say "it's all right, I'm like this most of the time"
JONATHAN COACHMAN ask the champs why they'd treat former friends in such a way. Edge proclaims the match "totally chairlicious!" "Jeffrey" always had a multicoloured head - now it's just a little bit flatter! Before Christian can concur, Matt flies in and interrupts the interview. Unfortunately, he's one and they're two, and the tide is turned on him before the referees and officials can get them separated...
Kind of a short segment there, wasn't it? Gotta make up for them 15-20 minute promos, I guess...
I wonder...is there REALLY a "Panda Fancy" magazine? And do the pandas really DO pretty pretty dancing?
In the local slot, WCW sneaks in a "New Blood Rising" promo
And now, get ready for some Maximum Power! Thanks to RC Edge Maximum Power cola - from SmackDown! last Thursday, Benoit puts Jericho out of action.
KING KURT ANGLE and CHRIS BENOIT (with Skippy & RAW credits) v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ (with TV-14-DLV ratings box) - Angle is announced as hailing from "Pittsburg, Philadelphia" by resident flowerpot LILIAN GARCIA. Let Us Take You Back To Last Week When The Bullet Hits The Bone - sorry, I meant "cinder block." Hey, if you like to get drunk while watching "Metal," take a drink every time Kevin Kelly says "Shane McMahon's Friendly Alliance." Pier Four Brawl erupts and we're on. Referee "Blind" Tim White does his best to get this down to one on one, and manages to shepherd Buh-Buh Ray towards his corner, but unfortunately Benoit and Angle sneak in a long doubleteam behind his back. Benoit stays in - into the ropes is reversed, Benoit up and over, clothseline ducked, but not the back elbow. Tag to Buh-Buh Ray - into the ropes, double shoulerblock, Buh-Buh Ray elbowdrop. Benoit to the gut, chop, right, tag to Angle. Angle runs into a powerslam for 2. Shoved into the corner, Dudley puts a strap down and chops away. Open-handed slap. Into the ropes is reversed, head down, Dudley gives him a clubberin'. Gutshot - powerbomb. Shot for Benoit - "wassup" spot as Benoit tries to come in, tying up White. D-Von with the war dance - Benoit decides to come in and give them both a free shot anyway. This time it's *Shane* distracting the ref. Benoit stomps on D-Von, Angle stomps on D-Von. Stomp, head to the buckle, right, right, vertical suplex coming up - 1, 2, shoulder up. Tag to Benoit. Double shot - right, scoop...and a slam. Snap elbowdrop by Benoit, kick to the gut,
attempt, but D-Von turns it into a press for 1. Big "we want table" chant.
Off the ropes, head down, kick by D-Von, but Benoit knocks him down when he
attempts to follow up on it. In the corner, chop, chop, chop, into the
opposite corner, boot up by D-Von - he runs at Benoit but Benoit puts him
down with the Crippler crossface! Will he tap? Well, not before Buh-Buh
Ray comes in and breaks it up with a "dropkick" that was more like him
falling ass-first and grazing him with his feet on the way. Angle in,
Buh-Buh Ray out. Benoit ready to try the whip, D-Von holds on into an arm
wringer, Benoit with a gutshot, elbow, D-Von sidesteps a suplex attempt and
catches him in his version of the Slop Drop. Buh-Buh Ray wants the
tag...and he'll get it. Angle in as well - Dudley with a clothesline,
Angle into the ropes, biiig back body drop. Gutshot, DDT. Benoit back in
- Dudley puts him in the full nelson, then hits the atomic drop variant.
Dudley puts Angle on his shoulders - Ross says it's time for the "Dudley
Device!" Cover - 1, 2, Benoit breaks it up. D-Von punches Benoit, right,
right, Benoit falls out to the floor. Buh-Buh Ray puts Angle into the
ropes...I think he wanted the Buh-Buh Cutter, but Dudley forgot to move
under Angle once he had him in the air, so they both kinda just fell to the
mat instead. Dudley goes ahead and hits a no-mo Buh-Buh Cutter instead.
Shane climbs to the top, meanwhile, and lands a Savage elbow, apparently to
Dudley. He puts Angle on top - White turns around - 1, 2, NO! We miss
Benoit and D-Von clashing on the outside, but Ross tells us Benoit took him
out. In the corner, Angle is punching away on Buh-Buh Ray - whip into the
opposite corner is reversed - Dudley ready to splash him but Angle pulls
White in front of him as a shield and HE gets squashed instead! Benoit in
- German suplex! Holding on for two! Trying for a third but Dudley hits
two back elbows, a third, into the ropes, D-Von sneaks in and they hit 3D!
(Dudley Death Drop!) White is still down, so BUh-Buh Ray gets an idea...
"D-Von - get the table!" It's so loud you don't even hear him. Just in
the nick of time, WELL IT'S THE BIG
SHOW is out, knocks down D-Von, then
hits the ring to give Buh-Buh Ray ahhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - Shane puts
Benoit on top of Buh-Buh Ray and rousts White. White slowly over - and
slowly counts...1, 2, 3. (7:21) Here's a replay of the
Shane elbow (don't actually know WHO that thing hit...) and the chokeslam.
Once again, H promises to his wife that Lita won't get a hand on him. Stephanie says that, just in case, "can you show me some stuff?" Professor Helmsley demonstrates a front face. They take turns choking each other. Now Stephanie asks her to show him "that move that you were teaching Trish." H doesn't really wanna go there, but Stephanie says if he wanted to teach it to Trish, it must have been a good move. "Well, it's a good move, I just don't think it's a very smart thing to bring that up and--" "Hunter, this is business." H puts her in the hammerlock and gives instruction. He almost falls on her when she bends over to grab his leg. "Whoop! Sorry. You're taller - a lot taller." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Nothing--" "What, you don't like that I'm tall? You wish I were petite and little like Trish? You wish I were BUILT like Trish?" God, this is SO strained. H goes into a bit about how he loves her legs and she's built wonderfully. Now they get back to the hold...and H makes the big mistake: "Now you're gonna reach over and grab my leg, Trish--I mean Steph..." Now she gets back in a huff and takes off - her husband, now having turned into a simpering fool, meekly follows after her, attempting to explain himself...
The HO'S have made their way into the arena.
Moments Ago - it ain't any better the second time - maybe she's just on the rag or something - ohhh sorry I didn't mean that
Coming back live, Stephanie is all the way back to the limo - using the same lines on Helmsley that Helmsley gave to Road Dogg last Thursday. And now SHE speeds off...
STEVEN RICHARDS & WALL BUCHANAN & GOODFATHER hit the ring. Goodfater: "Please, people, please! You people just don't understand what we're trying to do for you! And we want what's right for you! Listen, if you people would just give Steven a chance and listen to him, you might make sense of it. I know that I did!" "Let's talk about rights for a moment, shall we? We have the right to bear arms! We have the right to free speech! We have the right to religious freedom! Our country fought hard for those rights, as will we fight the good fight for what we believe in - and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the right to censorship." At this point, the ho's hop the rail and show off their...signs. "The right to censorship is for those of you who go too far - like these women here! Security, escort them outta here - arrest them! And for goodness sake, wear some clothes! Have you no dignity?" At this point, a fan also hops the rail - the security folk are apparently too into their part with the ho's to notice - Mark Yeaton is quickly over, then Jim Dotson FINALLY figures out what's up and goes to punk out the kid (off-camera, of course). "You see, this kind of filth is exactly why I'm here. If the World Wrestling Federation will not clean up it's act, then the Right to Censorship certainly will. Scantily clad women,
violence, vulgarity, and any other sort of rude behaviour will be strictly
prohibited in our eyes. And we will do anything in our power to stop it!
Because...it is for your own good. And...if anyone has a problem with
that, then they are more than welcome to enter this ring--"
RIGHT TO CENSORSHIP v. APA - Bradshaw: "Ya know, before you self-servin', self-righteous hypocrites kill any more precious time, there are a few rights you forgot. One, we have the right to drink A LOT of beer. Two, we have the right to consort with wild, half-nekkid women! And three, we have the right to kick your censorin' ass! It's a Pier Four brawl - Goodfather and Bradshaw end up outside, while Faarooq whips Buchanan into a leap, spring and clothesline. Goodfather hits the STEEL steps from Bradshaw - in the ring, Bradshaw pounds away on Buchanan, turning the tide. Into the ropes, double uranage. Bradshaw out, Faarooq on the second turnbuckle - Buchanan sidesteps the shouldertackle and tags in Goodfather. Into the ropes, double gutshot, double suplex. Bradshaw in - lariat for Goodfather, gutshot for Buchanan, into the ropes, big boot, Bradshaw tries for Richards, but he drops off the apron to the floor. Faarooq stomping on Buchanan, but he comes back with a boot to the midsection, pulls himself up by the top rope, but ends up leaping into a Faarooq powerlsam (sorta). Richards and Bradshaw are beating up Bradshaw and don't notice the cover in the ring - 1, 2, 3! (1:27) Goodfather hits the ring and helps Buchanan get a small measure of revenge. Play THEIR ... er ... "music"
MICHAEL KING COLE reports LIVE from the Republican National Convention in Philadelphia, where Linda McMahon is sending a message - World Wrestling Federation fans will select the next president of the United States! Sorta makes you fear for the republic, doesn't it? Stay tuned for information on how to register to vote! Hey, Bob Ryder...they're really playing to that 2-11 and teenage demographic by encourage VOTER REGISTRATION, aren't they?
Whoa...in that "Son of the Beach" ad, I mistook Mark Hamill for David Rasche - what's WRONG with me?
Vince McMahon's voice: "A Message to Politicians." Standard voiceover guy voice: "Every week, fourteen million eligible voters elect to watch World Wrestling Federation TV entertainment! This November, these fourteen million World Wrestling Federation fans will elect the next president of the United States. Will they elect you?" Well, they won't elect ME - I'm not 35 yet. Oh, and I wasn't born in the country. Other than that...
RIKASHMONEY v. TAZZZZZZZZZZZ - It all started three weeks ago - Let Us Take You Back. That lost Rikishi the intercontinental title. And here, at Fully Loaded, he prevented Rikishi from getting it back. Rikishi meets him in the aisle and it's on. Hey, Tazz, met the STEEL steps? Into the ring - right hand Rikishi. Into the corner, running clothesline. Tazz slumps down...but it's not stinkface time - Tazz uppernuts him. Tazz with the lariat. Stomp, stomp, six rights to the injured ribs. Knee, knee, knee, knee, always to the injured ribs. Right, right, right, choke for 3, choke for 3, kick, kick, kick, right, right, right is blocked, Rikishi comes back right, right, right, Tazz with an eyepoke, off the ropes, Rikishi ducks, Tazz tries a Sunset flip - err, no. Buttdrop. BELLY-to-belly suplex. Warming up his ass - fat ass splash! Tazz slumps down *again* - and this time, the stinkface is gonna work. Rikishi almost doesn't get up before 5 - as he and referee "Blind" Teddy Long have a discussion, Tazz is pulling off the turnbuckle cover. Right, right, right, head to the exposed metal, Northern Lights suplex - 1, 2, NO! Tazz gettin' sneaky - must be time for the Tazmission! Rikishi is fading fast...crowd coming to life for him. Rikishi gets an arm between his legs and hoists him up - Samoan Drop! 1, 2, 3! (3:34) TOO COOL are immeidately out to join the celebration. Well, looks like the Tazz push is over. Can we call him a failure yet? NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE!! Hey, maybe he'll attack them while they're dancing...nope, I guess he's offically a pussy now. Might as well just go back to ECW now - do not pass GO. But hey, at least there's pyro in the corners while they're dancing!
Triple H meets the commissioner in his office - where are they, a shower? That definitely looks like a whirlpool in the background. He's sorry it came to this. H kinda tries to friend it up with Foley on his way to getting the match cancelled. Foley says so many people came to see him perform tonight, he can't do that. H offers to compete in a handicap match then. Foley says he's going to assign a new partner - Trish Stratus.
"Watch those hot tags, buddy!"
Holy smack! JOHN HAGELIN as the Reform Party candidate? Well, not only does Pat Buchanan get totally screwed, but that takes out TWO third parties with one fell swoop. Well, THAT'LL teach me to switch to C-SPAN during ad breaks! Still...I wonder what Lenora Faloni thinks of all this? Also, I wonder if I spelled her name correctly? Hey, don't blame me - I'm voting Libertarian...
Cole reports from the RNC once again - the WWF initiative to register voters is "non-partisan," he says. Wink wink. Register at a live event - or at WWF New York! Coming up - the Rock will tell us how to Rock our vote!
EDDIE GUERRERO & THAT SLUT CHYNA v. PERRY SATURN (with Nipples) and BALD VENIS - If you've been living in a cave, it may be news to you that the Rock will open the convention on Wednesday. Word is C-SPAN will probably outdraw Thunder on TBS that quarter hour. Let Us Take You Back to Heat where something or other happened. RAW is WAR is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily, Stacker 2, and the Lorillard Tobacco Company's Youth Smoking Prevention Program! Venis and Guerrero start. Feeling out process - both men slip a move - and now they trade right hands. Guerrero with knees - right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Guerrero with a 'rana - Saturn in with an illegal knockdown. Venis puts his head in the corner, Blue Thunder powerbomb gets 2. Right by Venis, right, Guerrero into the opposite corner, elbow up, second rope leap into a swinging DDT. Both men down - tag to Saturn - tag to Chyna! Block, elbow, elbow, clothesline, clothesline, into the ropes, flapjack, elbow, into the ropes, powerslam (yikes), elbow for Venis, elbow, elbow for Saturn, Saturn reverses a whip into a Venis clothesline. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Is this match in fast-forward? Tag to Saturn. Holding her open for the superkick. Scoops her up - backbreaker. Stretching her across his knee until Guerrero comes in with a shot. As referee "Blind" Jack Doan gets Guerrero back to his corner, Venis comes in for an illegal doubleteam - nice double backbreaker there. 1, 2, kickout! Saturn puts her in the ropes, head down, kick by Chyna, off the ropes but Venis grabs her. Saturn charges - and hits his partner when Chyna ducks. Chyna with a sleeper on Saturn in the ring...and a jawbreaker. Tag to Guerrero - running clothesline, clothesline, knockdown on Saturn, dropkick for Venis on the apron. Northern Lights and bridge on Saturn - Venis breaks it up at 2. It's broken down now as all four are in - Chyna clotheslines Venis out and follows as Saturn puts Guerrero in the ropes - but Guerrero manages a 'rana...and gets the fall. (3:32)
Here's a look at the outside of the BEYOOTEEFULL Georgia Dome.
Your hosts are a pair of kings - LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER. Vote! Vote!
LIVE from Philadelphia, Michael Cole stands with LINDA McMAHON. She's been pressing the flesh like a good CEO all night. "I've been telling these politicians that WWF fans are very passionate about what they do, they express their freedom each week vocally, with their signs which they bring to our events, and they're gonna use that same passion to elect the next president of the United States! But, I must encourage our fans, in order to elect the president, make your voice known - you must register to vote. So get out there, register, and smack down YOUR vote in this election year." Cole, of course, neglects to ask her how the "genetic jackhammer" is doing.
And here's a look at Times Square - and WWF New York.
inside! Say, there's Dean Malenko and his women! Malenko makes a big deal
about being in a place where he won't get censored tonight.
Meanwhile, there's a knock at the door. Thinking it's Steph, H runs to the door - but it's Trish. "NopenotStephit'smeTrishyourpartner!" She'd like another lesson. H, wisely, tells her to take a hike - she can only get them BOTH in trouble.
Shane and the Show are WALKING! Whoops, the camera just went out. No, wait - there they are!
I guess we should consider that a "productive segment." Geez, we're already at 15 to the hour - you think these last two matches will be really short?
And now, the WWF whack of the night - brought to you by whacko tobacco! From SmackDown! last Thursday, Big Show chokeslams Kane through a table.
KANE v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (with Skippy) - Show attacks Kane halfway down the aisle...well, looks like they realise their time crunch. Before the match can officially get underway, Shane gets involved, then KING KURT ANGLE, then CHRIS BENOIT (who actually has to sell a chokeslam - poor man), then THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ, with chairs...how do you spell "lazy booking?" C-L-U-S-T-E-R-F-asterisk-C-K. Match NEVER gets started, but at least we got to see Kane light the flashpots in each corner aside the Dudley Boyz. (No contest) Hey, I think they just screwed us out of this match! What? You didn't want to see this match in the FIRST place? Well.....that's no excuse! Somebody needs to work on some time management...didn't they have this problem LAST Monday, pushing the Crash/Saturn match to SmackDown! - and even with all this rushing, doesn't it still seem like there's a lot of dragging non-wrestling segments....ehh, my mind's wandering. I'm sure Rick will cover this for me on Wednesday. Rick's still writing for WrestleManiacs, isn't he?
Triple H and Trish Stratus are WALKING! H is trying really hard to keep Trish away...
Meanwhile, Rock and Lita are WALKING! They're not looking terribly friendly either, but...
Commentators shill The Jackal - premiering tomorrow on USA!
THE NEW MAN & TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL v. LITA and LA ROCA - H makes a show out of not wanting her anywhere near him - but you can just *tell* that he's thinking "damn, man...that's a great hat she's wearing." Chef Boyardee presents SummerSlam 27 August! Bigger - for bigger appetites! Good seats still available in Raleigh...but not for much longer. Good guy team enters separately, showing even *less* teamwork than the bad guy team. Hey, Rock, you'll have to acknowledge her presence sooner or later! You can kinda see how H can turn face out of this whole situation, can't you? Rock brings H (whose back is turned as he's barking at Trish) in and here we go, right, right, right, right, right, spit right is blocked, H with right, right, right, into the ropes, head down, Rock with a neckbreaker, right, H bounces off the ropes, Rock with a right and H rolls outside. Jeff Hardy's gonna be okay! "Rock E!" There was a tag? Well, referee "Blind" Earl Hebner says so. Must be lucha libre rules. Rock says "wait just a minute while I make this tag," and Lita comes in, spearing her. Right, right, right, grabbing her ears - those aren't HANDLES, Lita - and shoving her head repeatedly into the mat several times. Vertical suplex! Off the ropes, clothesline. Off the ropes on the other side, but she strays too close to H, though, and he grabs her from behind - Rock is over to save her. Powerbomb coming up - but H comes in and clotheslines Lita. Field goal kick by Stratus.
Tag to Triple H. Looking at the Rock the whole time...and now there's a
cheap shot for him, - Pedigree coming up...but Rock is in with a punch to
the head. Both ..er...folks are down. Who will tag? Why, Lita will...oh
no, H pulls her back JUST in the nick of time and tags in Stratus. Into
the ropes - Lita springs off with a forearm. Again the slow crawl from
both women. Tag to H, hot tag to Rock - right! Clothesline! Right!
Gutshot, DDT, leg hooked - 2! H ducks and hits the neckbreaker. Stomp.
Head to the buckle. Ten kick/stomps. Rock pops up, right, right, right,
right, into the ropes, reversed, Rock ducks the clothesline but not the
high knee. 1, 2, nope. Hey, you know, Rock DOESN'T seem to ever make that
whip into the ropes work, now that you mention it.... Picking him up, H
puts his head to the top turnbuckle, right, Rock with a right, H with a
right, Rock with a right, right, right, into the ropes, head down,
facebuster. Damn, you've RUINED it for me. H off the ropes, but Rock hits
a spinebuster. Ready to set up the People's Elbow, but Stratus comes in
and climbs on his back - rake of the face - and a slap! H looking for the
Pedigree...but Rock counters and catapults him into Stratus! Right, right,
right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT and H goes outside the ring. Stratus
gets a spinebuster...Rock tags Lita, then goes outside to play rough with H
and the STEEL steps while Lita moonsaults Stratus for the
Play Lita's music! Post-match, Rock chairs H - who just *happens* to fall
into the ol' "69" position with Stratus. (Ask your parents.) Rock yuks it
up, credits are up, WWF logo is up, and we're out.