....zero.

Somebody please tell him for me - not only is he not reading my stuff anymore (or so he says), but I've apparently been blackholed from sending him email...under penalty of *lawsuit!* Can you BELIEVE that?

Why - WHY do people start things they don't WANT me to finish?

QUICK QUOTE: WWFE 19 7/16 (- 1 5/16)

TONIGHT: From Hyatte Arena, another wacky night of a show that can coast until the competition forces otherwise. Kurt Angle, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, Triple H, the Rock - all we have to do is SAY THE NAMES and you'll come running like a faithful dog. That's right, you're a DOG. A DOG

Man, I *still* can't get used to seeing "Nash Bridges" instead of "Walker: Texas Ranger." Of course, we used to say that we missed the "Murder: She Wrote" credits...

TV-14-DLV - close captioned is a registered trademark of the opening credits

AHHHH!! Didn't expect that PYRO - WE ARE LIVE from the Providence Civic Centre in Providence, RI (and WWF New York) - Ross promises "a loaded lineup tonight," which makes me wonder HOW they got loaded. It's 14.8.2K and they're already wondering when the marriage will end...before, or after SummerSlam. Perhaps we'll find out tonight - HERE on USA...when....RAW IS WAR!!

LAST THURSDAY: This happened - and that - and that - strange that they put the video package HERE, i'n't it?

Hot on the heels of ...well, anyway, here's KING KURT ANGLE to lead it off. Tonight, Undertaker takes on Chris Benoit, Rikishi vs. D & X, Chris Jericho gets an IC title shot against Val Venis and shhh....Angle's got something to say. "First of all, I would like to say, as a representative of all fifty states, it is my pleasure to be here in Rhode Island...and America may see you as the insignificant, nothing state - but I don't! And speaking of insignificance - Hunter, what you did to me on SmackDown! was anything BUT insignificant. Leaving me like you did was gutless, cowardly, and just plain wrong. And it reminds me of a person I met, that I had the displeasure of meeting during my Olympic days - Tonya Harding. And Hunter, you may be a world class athlete, but like Tonya Harding, you do not possess one iota of integrity. What you did to me was the equivalent of what Tonya Harding did to poor Nancy Kerrigan. And just like Nancy Kerrigan, I asked 'why me? Why me, Hunter?' What is it that you don't like about me? You haven't liked me since the day I entered the WWF - I mean, you tried to sabotage my undefeated streak...and when you were WWF Champion (and I emphasize *were* WWF Champion), you did not give me one title shot. And this list goes on! But I finally figured it out. It comes down to one thing: pure unbridled jealousy. And Hunter, let's face the facts. In nine short months, I've accomplished things that took you years to accomplish. Oh, it's true it's true. In nine short months, I've won titles, I've won tournaments, and the accolades go ON AND ON AND ON...while, Hunter, in YOUR first nine months, you were doin' *Hog Pen matches* or some stuff like that. So, Hunter, it comes down to this. You are a bitter and jealous man, and it pains me to see Stephanie, my friend - MY FRIEND - who is as gentle of a soul of a person that you could possibly b'lieve, and she has to be saddled with a loser like you, and furthermore, I would like to--" Well, here comes THE NEW MAN, removing shirt and powerwalking to the ring. Hey, when'd he become a face? Before they can go at it, however, SKIPPY slides in to come between them and keep them from starting anything. Shane takes the mic and says "Chill out" a few hundred times along with "yoyoyoyoyo," and says that they two are "killing Stephanie." Last week, Stephanie almost got chokeslammed, and DID get the Rock Bottom, all because of their bickering. Shane says he doesn't know if Stephanie will even show tonight. Hunter was wrong on Thursday - you never leave your tag team partner. And Kurt was wrong in calling Triple H a loser in front of a worldwide television audience. Shane tells H Angle would never break up his marriage, and tells H that Stephanie would never marry a loser. Shane tells them that the focus is the Rock, and the WWF Championship - they each need to focus on that one goal. COMMISSIONER McFOLEY comes out...no doubt to stir the pot a bit. "Shane, I've got to admit, Shane, I'm somewhat touched by you trying to bring the family in together - the only thing I compare it to was when Michael and Hope Steadman were having marital problems, but they put that aside to help out Elliot because they knew that Nancy was striken..." Angle: "...ovarian cancer! I saw that one." "Hahaha! Ovarian cancer, indeed she was. But Shane, what I'm trying to say it, I agree with you. Triple H and Kurt Angle SHOULD be joining forces to take on the Rock. And because I am your commission-eer, I am going to grant your wish right here...in Providence, Rhode Island! Yeah! When your two boys, Olympic Champion Kurt Angle - former WWF Champion Triple H - take on - take on the Dudley Boyz...and their tag team partner, the Rock." Shane expresses outrage at the unfairness of a 3-on-2 situation. Foley says there's only one man strong enough to keep this team together...Shane himself. He'll be the third man for his side of this big six man main event. "...and just to ensure that I don't ever have to listen to a boring 'oh you left me,' 'no you left me' promo again, I am adding this very simple stipulation. If either Triple H or Kurt Angle walks out on this match, then that person automatically loses their #1 Contender slot for SummerSlam. Think about that and...have a nice day!"

Chris Beonit arrives at the arena - and he's WALKING! He pounds on the door of the "VISITORS LOCKER ROOM" as it's locked...but out comes Chris Jericho! He does a bit of damage before Lombardi and three refs pull him off...

Highlander: Endgame ad (without Edge)

Coming back live, Benoit is WALKING! Shane, running behind him, tries to get his attention focused away from Jericho and onto Undertaker.

Meanwhile, at the office of the APA, the members of Kaientai come a-knockin' - well, Funaki thinks it's a bad idea, but Taka tells him "we have to." "We are so sorry about bad cheque." "Very sorry - please don't beat us...we wanna make out with you." "What?" Faarooq suggests that Funaki wants to slip Bradshaw the tongue - he's ready to dive when Michinoku corrects his partner. "Nonono - make UP." Taka produces a fistful of yen, while Funaki promises beer. Faarooq holds HIS partner back. "Hold on, now. Keep talking." "We will take you to bar for night on town." "And...BEER." "They might be onto something." "I believe they are...and the money DOES mean a lot." "To show you we are AOK with APO!" "And...BEER!" Bradshaw says he knows just the place...

EDDIE GUERRERO (with That Slut Chyna) and STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) v. T&A (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) - Let Us Take You Back to Thursday as Blackman defeated Albert (or "Prince Albert," as Ross called him) in a Hardcore title defense...and post-match, Venis and Albert surprised Blackman with a 2-on-1 beatdown. That *sorta* sets up this match. Commentators wish Dave Hebner well. Blackman and Test start. Test with a knee, forearm, right, kick, into the opposite corner, Blackman puts up an elbow - Test runs into a superkick, running clothesline. Blackman outside to find some plundah - say, this isn't a hardcore matchup. Test grabs Blackman before he can produce weaponry, but he DOES drop down with a hot shot on Test. Back in the ring, Blackman stomps and tags Guerrero, who comes in with his trademark slingshot senton. Stomp, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Albert with a shot to the back, Guerrero walks into a tilt-a-whirl slam. Tag to Albert. Head to the buckle. Into the opposite corner, do si do avalanche by Albert, into Test's big boot. Albert still on him - backbreaker - holding on for a second backbreaker - STILL holding on - giant press into the Argentine bomb for 2 - Blackman breaks it up. Guerrero tries a few punches but they have no effect on the big man - into the ropes, picking him up but Guerrero dropkicks him. Tazz in action tonight! Guerrero dropkicks the knees and makes the tag. Albert manages a tag as well. Superkick for Test, side kick for Albert, dropkick for Test, ducking a clothesline, spinning kick for Albert. Blackman: "WHO'S NEXT?" *Blackman is Goldberg* Guerrero with a missile dropkick on Albert, just for fun. Ducking a clothesline from Test, who comes off the ropes and right into the Lethal Kick. Blackman hooking the leg but Albert's found a kendo stick on his way back in - Chyna on the apron to try to stop it but all she does is ensure that referee "Blind" Chad Patton completely misses the whack. Test covers - 1, 2, 3. (2:35) Blackman just doesn't have it in tag team matches, does he?

We go outside where Kurt Angle stands with an umbrella as a limousine pulls up. He THOUGHT it might be Stephanie. "Here, stay out of the rain..." As he gets her bag (and she acts appreciative), we cut to see Triple H watching this on a monitor...and getting unhappy. Angle says he wanted to thank Stephanie for coming back to him on SmackDown! - something a true friend would do. Angle even goes so far as to give her a peck on the cheek. H reacts well to THIS as well. Triple H leaves his dressing room...

SummerSlam promo has an awful lot of soap opera overtones, as the Triple Threat match is hyped

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago, Because On This Show We Play EVERYTHING Twice

Coming back live, Stephanie is WALKING! Various folks make cameos by saying "hi" as they walk by. Triple H meets her and asks "Hey, how's your friend, Kurt Angle, today? Kurt Angle, you know, the guy that was just standing out there waiting for you to arrive to the building so he could kiss all over ya. You know, I'm standing in the back, waiting for you here, where I should be, Kurt Angle's out front waiting for you in a special place, just for you, but you guys are just friends, right?" H goes back to Thursday and asks his wife why she wasn't at HIS side, but instead went back to her "friend," Kurt Angle. He has to go back to help her, and gets chokeslammed for his troubles..."friends, my ass." Stephanie turns on the water works. "Maybe I should just leave - maybe I shouldn't be here tonight." "Maybe you should."

RIGHT TO CENSOR & STEVEN RICHARDS are out. Let Us Take You Back to Last Monday, where Goodfather powerbombed Ho Victoria straight to hell - I mean, through a table.

RIGHT TO CENSOR (with Steven Richards) v. HARDY BOYZ & LITA in a handicap match - the Hardyz hit the ring and it's on. The RTC take control and, after referee "Blind" Jim Korderas restores order, it's Goodfather and Jeff Hardy. Into the ropes, Hardy holds on, then dropkicks through the ropes to Richards on the floor! Goodfather out after him - the chase is on - tag to Matt as Goodfather isn't looking, Jeff ducks a clothesline, Goodfather off the ropes, caught by BOTH Hardys, into the ropes, double back elbow, fistdrop/senton combo. Matt covers - 1. Right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed by Goodfather into a short clothesline - neat! Tag to Buchanan, who runs into a drop toehold. Tag to Jeff - right, right, left, right, off the ropes, clothesline ducked, Buchanan scoops him up in the atomic drop position - then just throws him over the top rope to the floor - yikes. Goodfather, on the outside, comes over to drop Jeff on the apron, then roll him back in to Buchanan. In the corner, right, left, right, left, right, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, Chef Boyardee brings you a double feature of the toss over the ropes. Head to Goodfather's boot - and a tag. Goodfather in...into the ropes, double big boot. Goodfather throws a right. Hardy tries a punch - Goodfather repeatedly stomps him down. Standing on his head and using the ropes for leverage. Death suplex gets 2. Hardy put in the unfriendly corner, tag, two boots from Goodfather, two from Buchanan, into the ropes, overhead press and slam. Into the corner, follow clothesline, back to the first corner, Hardy sidesteps the charge and both men are hurt. Buchanan makes the tag. Now Jeff makes the hot tag - duck, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Hardy manages a flying clothesline. Head to the mat, right for Buchanan. Jeff joins Matt in the ring - Goodfather put into the opposite corner, Poetry in Motion coming up. Buchanan rushes Jeff, but he ducks and dumps him over the top to the floor. Matt punching Goodfather while Jeff climbs the corner - and leaps the other way, onto the floor with a towering double axehandle to Buchanan! In the ring, gutshot by Matt, right, but Buchanan is in and gets him from behind. Into the ropes, double...well, who knows - Matt counters into a double DDT! Matt backs into his own corner, and Lita decides the only way she'll get into this is if she tags HERSELF in...so she does. Lita on top - moonsault, and she ends up kicking Goodfather RIGHT in the mush. Lita on top again...crossbody to the floor! But Richards is laying in wait, and as soon as she gets up and off of Buchanan, he hits her with the Stevenkick. Richards puts her limp, lifeless carcass in the ring - feel the power of the Stevenkick. Goodfather has Lita up on his shoulder - sayyyy, that's the Shango shoulderbreaker! 1, 2, 3. (5:00) The Hardyz immediately get some shots in and the battle spills outside. EDGE & CHRISTIAN come out with chairs...presumably to give Lita the same headache they gave Jeff a couple weeks ago. Matt dives and grabs Lita on the way down - and the chairs miss. Edge stomps away on Matt...then delivers him to Christian, who puts Hardy into a Tomokaze on the STEEL chair. Commentators fail to mention that this is the same move that broke his nose earlier this year, but I guess that's why I'm here. Edge's music plays as the tag team champions walk off triumphantly.

The unblinking eye of the WWF camera catches a car pulling up to the Friendly Tap....ah....

We cut to another camera inside, where the APA and Kaientai are doing shots. Faarooq: "What are we gon' drink now?" Taka: "Sucky!" No, he actually said "sake!" Faarooq learns Bradshaw on sake. "I ain't drinkin' nothin' warm! ...Cold beer for all of us - and Kamikazes fer mah buddies!" Faarooq relives Michinoku of the rest of his money to pay for the round.

Meanwhile, outside the arena, Stephanie is WALKING! And crying. Shane catches up to her just in time. "I have to leave, Shane. Shane, my own husband doesn't want me here!" Shane tries to persuade her to stay, but her mind can't be changed. We see the car drive off...

Moments Ago, Lita, Richards, Goodfather, Edge, Christian, Matt Hardy...and a cast of thousands

EDGE & CHRISTIAN are out again, with two belts...and two chairs. Ross: "They've used those chairs, they got a Ph.D. in....in steel chairs, I'll tell ya!" They each stand up the chairs in the ring...and sit down. "Do actions speak louder than words? Well, you just saw our actions - now hear our words. We are out here for one reason only. Due to the unfair treatment that we have received

To the dressing room, where Shane attempts to engage Triple H in conversation of Foley's matchmaking skills, but H doesn't care much for that. He'd rather talk about the six man tonight - he knows he said he'd try to keep the peace with Angle...but he can't do that anymore. It's Angle's fault his wife is crying. He's gonna finish it tonight. Shane asks him to calm down. They'll work it out later tonight...but first, he needs to walk out with Benoit in this upcoming match...

Meanwhile, Undertaker is...RIDING!

SummerSlam promo - the Chyna and the fat dude one

Geez, that's some LO-TECH marquee they got out there at the Providence Civic Center. Also, it's 66 degrees out

Tonight, RAW is WAR is brought to you by Burger, 1-800-CAL-LATT, and Bally Nipples - I mean, Total Fitness

Shane and Benoit are WALKING! Shane takes time to tell Edge & Christian that he'll help take care of the TLC thing later, but chill out for now. Take a drink every time Shane says "Chill out" and you'll be in a coma

THE GHOST RIDER (with a big-ass floodlight on his Beautiful Titan Bike) v. CHRIS BENOIT (with Skippy - his friend...and the RAW Credits & TV-14-DLV ratings box) - Let Us Take You Back Two Weeks to SmackDown! where Big Show chokeslammed Kane through a hole he made in the stage. I wasn't listening, but I guess Undertaker has decided to go through ALL of the Friendly Alliance in order to get some revenge for his half-brother, or something. Ahh, who cares. Benoit tries to get the jump but eats a soupbone instead. He likes the taste so much he eats ANOTHER soupbone. Head to the buckle, back elbow, soupbone, lunging for referee "Blind" Mike Chioda (who heads for the outside real quick-like), whip into the opposite corner, Benoit gets the boots up. Right. Into the corner, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, shoving away Chioda, back into a double choke - in the corner, soupbone, left, soupbone, left, soupbone, left, soupbone, that's the THIRD time Chioda's had to fall backwards - maybe he should just go back to the locker room and let these two slug it out until one of them's dead. Irish whip into the opposite corner - followup clothesline. Big ol' sidewalk slam. Off the ropes...elbowdrop misses. Benoit with a gutshot, right, into the ropes, reversed, big boot but Benoit tumbles under it, dropkick to the knee puts the Reaper on the mat. Benoit kicks the head. Off the ropes, boots to the shoulder, off the ropes, kick, Undertaker grabs the leg, Benoit enzuigiris him with the OTHER leg. "That's it!" Benoit's decided to go for the swandive headbutt this early...and it hits! 1, 2, NO! Maybe too early after all. Benoit gets up...Euro elbow, kick, into the ropes is reversed, Benoit ducks, Benoit caught in a choke...Benoit kicks the knee, breaking the hold. Right hand, off the ropes, caught in a big boot. 'Taker puts Benoit in the ropes, big back body drop. Poised...ready to strike - big clothesline. Undertaker raises his arm...it's time for the tombstone...dammit, I mean Last Ride.

What the hell was THAT about?

From Los Angeles and the Democratic National Convention, MICHAEL KING COLE announces that the Rock *and* Chyna will appear Wednesday night. "We're hoping the Democrats give the Rock and Chyna the same type of treatment as we've received from the Republicans just a couple of weeks ago." Say, why didn't they attend the Reform Party Convention? EITHER of them?

Moments Ago - looking at it again, it SURE looks like he conked his noodle pretty good on the corner of that breakway bit there - hey here's another angle

Coming back live, Undertaker holds his left elbow and swears. "I will get his ass for this..."

Shane leaves Chris Benoit to have a private moment with Kurt Angle. "This 'friends' thing...I don't like where this is going...listen, I see the way you're looking at Stephanie, and I'm not buying it either." Shane warns him to not screw up the marriage. Angle gives stunned disbelief that Shane is questioning his integrity. "I need to be alone."

Meanwhile, at the Friendly Tap, a couple of other patrons express outrage at the loud, jester-like behaviour of the men from the Orient and threaten to do some asskicking. This brings the Acolytes up...and minds are changed. Bradshaw suggests to Taka that he buy these guys a round of Kamikazes. I think Taka just threatened to choppy-choppy his pee-pee!

Meanwhile, back at the ring, the ring crew (aka "the referee corps") works on reconstructing the ring

Hey, why not one more replay of that chokeslam (which Ross is now proclaiming "scintillating") to take us into break?

I'D like to pop the guy who came up with that "pop the lock" ad

And now the WWF Burn of the Week, brought to you by Stacker 2! It burns MONEY! From SmackDown!, Tazz has a tet a tet with Jerry Lawler.

Moments Ago (aka During the Break), the King walked up the ramp and away from ringside - we are told that Commissioner Foley requested he not be at ringside during the next match...

TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ v. CRASH (holly - with Scale) - Tazz immediately makes a beeline for JIM ROSS and starts the mouthin'. "Where's your buddy? Where's your boy? Where's your backup? Hah? Where is he, numb nuts...or should I say...numb face? Where's he at? I owe you...and I'm gonna get you." We don't really hear the rest of what he's saying as Crash comes out. Crash has a new career, by the way, involving coming out for matches and then not competing. Looks like he'll actually get ring time tonight as he grabs Tazz from behind, puts his head to the commentary table, then rolls him into the ring to start the match. For some inexplicable reason, Ross keeps calling him "Crash Holly" even though we've been asked by the WWF Storyline Style Sheet to please forget he has a last name. Tazz with a clothesline. Stomp, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Crash with a flying jalapeno, climbing up top, missile dropkick gets 2. Into the corner is reversed, Crash up and over...onto the shoulders.

Meanwhile, Kurt Angle expresses disbelief that Shane McMahon is questioning his integrity in a monologue to the camera. "Where is it written that a guy and a girl can't be...just friends? And what is it with the sexual tension? I mean, I kiss my mom for goodness sakes!" This brings in Joe, who reveals in the strictest of confidence that in aboot half an hour, there's somebody who wants to meet him in the parking lot. Angle tells him to tell Triple H and Shane they can meet him there in the locker room - and he'll bring his....GOLD MEDALS! Joe says it's not Triple H and it's not Shane. He doesn't know WHO it is, though - that's all the information he's got.

Another Edge-free "Highlander: Endgame" ad

And now, the WWF Boot of the Week - brought to you by Lugz! From RAW and SmackDown! last week, Rikishi has fun with his own ass...and X-Pac

D & X (with "The Kings") v. RIKASHMONEY in a handicap match - Lawler cuts a brief promo on Tazz during the DX entrance. Right for Dogg, right for X-Pac, right for Dogg ... hmm, maybe they should have rushed him AT THE SAME TIME. X-Pac with a punch, kick, and now the numbers take over as they both stomp on him in the corner...until Rikishi shoves them both away. Right for Dogg, block, right for X-Pac, into the ropes, head down, Sunset flip attempt - ready to drop the bomb, but Dogg clotheslines him from behind to prevent it. Into the corner with a clothesline by X-Pac, clothesline by Dogg, X-Pac stands on the neck, time for a broncobuster, and there we are. X-Pac poses on the second rope. Rikishi staggers to the centre, where Dogg is waiting with HIS trademarks - left, left, left, juke, jive, but the right hand....well, Rikishi ducks it and Dogg ends up pasting...X-Pac. Yup, you read right. Riksihi puts Dogg out with a right, then goes over to X-Pac, right, right, right, right, Dogg from behind. Double clothesline for Rikishi. Guess they're okay....DOUBLE VULCAN NECK PINCH! That might be the COOLEST thing they've done ALL YEAR. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long standing in but Rikishi won't give up. Arm falls once - arm falls twice - arm does not fall thrice. Back to his feet - double gutshot, again, breaking the hold, double noggin knocker, double clotheline, Samoan Drop for Dogg, right for X-Pac, whipped into Dogg, warming up his rump - fat ass splash on the stack. X-Pac wanders out into a superkick, while Dogg phlumps to the mat, allowing everyone's voice to rise as Rikishi waddles over for the stinkface. X-pac, on the outside, decides to lay out and watch this transpire....with a smile on his face. X-Pac really yukking it up for the benefit of our storyline. Rikishi putting a little extra wiggle into it. X-Pac in the ring...Rikishi catches him in a choke. Dogg trying to sneak in from behind - but meeting a right hand. X-Pac with a spinning heel kick, and he covers - Dogg on top of HIM and hooking the leg to boot. 1, 2, 3. (3:41) They continue stomping until TOO COOL come out to make the save and take THEM out of the ring. DX walks off - play Too Cool's music! NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE!

Michael King Cole stands with LINDA McMAHON from the Democratic National Convention. She announces that the WWF has registered over ten thousand voters in the past week. And at least a third of them are legitimate!! SMACK DOWN YOUR VOTE!

Meanwhile, at Triple H's dressing room, Joe reveals that someone wants to meet him in the parking lot in aboot ten minutes. H guesses that it's Stephanie.

Out in the parking lot, Kurt Angle is pacing aboot.

WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO (with Earlier Tonight) v. BALD VENIS (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) - Venis is wearing white trunks and white boots - he must think he's a member of Strike Force or something. Big ol' "Y2J" chant. Lockup, side headlock by Venis, powering out, shoulderblock by Venis. Up and over, leapfrog, Jericho with a flying jalapeno - oh, man, even ROSS is dogging Venis and his "1983 white boots - look like Mr. Wrestling II." Jericho with a right, right, into the ropes is reversed, ducked, chop, chop, chop, chop, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, into the opposite corner is reversed by Venis, Jericho puts up an elbow...but runs into a sleeper. Powering out, into the ropes...VENIS in the sleeper. Venis picks him up - and drops him into the Sorta Blue Thunder powerbomb. Stomp. Kicking the back, stomp, right to the back of the head. Head to the buckle. Venis with a chop, chop, into the opposite corner SO hard the picture goes out for a moment. Front face, vertical suplex. 1, 2, no. Venis still on him - right hand, camel clutch (yowza!) - Jericho won't give up. Jericho drops the butt. Right. Into the ropes, Jericho holds on. Jericho decides to go after him, but Venis catches the boot - Jericho DOES hit the enzuigiri, though. Both men down - Jericho pulling himself up by the ropes, right hand, right, right, into the ropes is reversed by Venis, head down, Jericho with a kick. Going for Venis, but he drops and dumps him onto the apron. Jericho to the corner, there's a super back elbow...for 2! Into the corner, Venis manages a drop toehold on the charging Jericho. Running clothesline into the corner. Going for a death suplex, but Jericho backflips out of it, gutshot, off the ropes, bulldog, Lionsault! 1...CHRIS BENOIT is in the ring. Well, payback's a bitch...I guess. (DQ 3:56) Jericho ducks a clothesline, right, off the ropes, running clothesline, Walls of Jericho! Venis over to clock him in the back of the head, saving Benoit. Benoit stomps on Jericho as Venis takes off. Benoit crotches him on the top rope. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, refs are out, Benoit shoving them aside to stomp on Jericho some more. Pretty cool. Benoit takes off...with a toothy (except one) grin on his face. Jericho is announced as the winner - Benoit turns around and goes back to beat on Jericho some more. Knee to the head, flapjack, STF! STF! The refs try really hard to convince Benoit to let go - play his music! Benoit finally lets go - and gives Jericho one more stomp on his way out.

Outside, Triple H and Kurt Angle meet up. I'm a little shocked that Triple H wasn't watching his monitor earlier - he should KNOW Angle is out here. Anyway, they each speculate that the other has called them out. Before they can realise that's it's all a WACKY misunderstanding, a limousine almost runs them down. (Angle: "What the ... HECK!") and they each walk to a limousine door....who's in it? Well, you don't want to know right NOW, do you? First, you should sit through

SummerSlam main event hype promo Chef Boyardee make noodle

Coming back live, we are told that Angle and Triple H are IN the limousine, with...well, whoever was in there before.

Back to the Friendly Tap we go for a coda. The Kaientai folk are on the downside of a good buzz as Funaki is passed out on a table and Michinoku is slapping everybody wearing an APA shirt. Bradshaw: "I THINK it's about time you and your rising sun friend left!" "Oh...so sorry. We go." He grabs Funaki, who projectile spits all over the Acolytes. Funaki: "Haha...SAKE!" and he falls over again. Taka: "Aw hell!" The Acolytes proceed to demolish the Friendly Tap with the bodies of Kaientai. Sure enough, that one promoter dude with the hat is in the background, 'cause he apparently LIVES here or something. Faarooq: "Man, I'll be damned - this IS a Friendly Tap, huh?" Me: "Huh?" Faarooq suggests they have some sake anyway. "I ain't drinkin' it warm!" "Put some ice on it!"

Here's a look at WWF New York - and a GIANT SummerSlam ad

Inside, AL SNOW & HEAD kill some time - yuk yuk, he paid some guy off to say that his favourite WWF superstar is Al Snow - yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk - hey, folks, these are the yuks

Earlier Tonight, a CHOKESLAM FROM HELL - a Hurt Undertaker - and another CHOKESLAM FROM HELL

At the limousine, a long-faced Triple H and Kurt Angle exit...followed by a somber-faced...Vince McMahon. "Now...do I make myself clear? I don't give a damn which one of you two becomes WWF Champion, it doesn't matter to me. Okay? YOU nor you will ever again traumatize my daughter. When my baby girl calls me up crying on the phone...that's where I draw the line, and if she ever does it again, NEITHER one of you two will even want to be in the World Wrestling Federation, much less it's champion. Do we understand each other? Good luck in your six man match toinght. And by the way...look out for my son Shane as well."

The Dudley Boyz are WALKING!

Meanwhile, the Rock is WALKING!

Commentators shill tomorrow's USA Original movie, "The Darkling."

KING KURT ANGLE and SKIPPY and THE NEW MAN (with Chef Boyardee presents WWF SummerSlam!) v. DUDLEY BOYZ and LA ROCA - Hey, has Scherer ever rhetorically asked "Who sweats more - Shane McMahon or Whitney Houston?" That sounds like something I'd have to steal from him. Referee "Visit the Friendly Tap" Tim White actually manages to get this match to start out one on one, as Triple H and D-Von Dudley meet in the centre. Triple H does the old "point to the corner and waffle the man when he looks that way" trick to start. Right. Dudley blocks the next one, right, right, right, right, right, out of the corner, jumpin' back elbow as he comes back. Tag to Buh-Buh Ray, right, right, right, off the ropes, big back body drop, clothesline, 2 count. H ducks the next clothesline and hits the neckbreaker. Tag to...Shane? Flying clothesline. Right, right, right, right, right, clothesline is reversed, Dudley holds on, full nelson atomic drop.

(No contest? 7+)