/21 August 2000
WWF RAW is WAR
WWFE 19 5/16 (-
TONIGHT: Beware: when Shane McMahon is in a match, SHANE NEVER LOSES. Tonight, Blackman loses the hardcore title. Also tonight, Stephanie McMahon manages to hold onto her title against Lita. And the Rock is around - can't let a promo go by without mentioning the Rock, because, by God, if we DON'T mention him, we KNOW you'll tune out after these final twelve minutes of "Nash Bridges!"
I thought that guy was Austin for a minute there - then I noticed it was just another bald dude with a goatee instead...
One World TV-14-DLV Leader Attitude - WWF!
Video highlights from SmackDown! sure look like a set of clips I saw about fifteen times last night on Heat
Close captioned is the show with the opening credits you are seeing
PYRO takes out the camera - d'oh. WE ARE LIVE from the Cajundome in Lafayette, LA 21.8.2K on the USA Network (and maybe TSN) and Jim Ross promises HELLACIOUSNESS
LA ROCA walks to the ring, looking not particularly hellacious, but let's give him some time. We look at LARRY KING, who mentions for the second time in a minute that Jerry Lawler isn't there - gee, I wonder if it's an angle. Maybe Ross will mention it again in a minute or so and beat me over the head with it. Rock stalls in the ring as the fans chant his name. Ross is running out of ad libs to vamp with here. "Finally, the Rock has come back to Lafayette! Home of the Bayou. Home of the Cajuns. Louisiana - the state that is shaped like a boot." Crowd swells in anticipation of Rock turning it sideways. "And speaking of boots...considering what Triple H and Kurt Angle did to the Rock last week, the Rock wants to take his own boot.....spread some jambalaya on it..." Crowd: "HE SAID JAMBALAYA!" "...spread some gumbo on it..." "HE SAID GUMBO!!!" "And of course, spread some of the Louisiana Hhhhhhot Sauce all over it..." "Rock E! SAVE US!!" "Take that boot, shove it so far Triple H's ass, have it come right out of his mouth, and then, put some more Louisiana hot sauce on it, and stick that sum(bleep) sideways, and stick it straight up Kurt Angle's candyass! And then, as both those jabrones are hangin' on the Rock's boot, they'll truly be united. But the fact of the matter is, is they're really not united, because both of them have different agendas, both of them have pointless goals. Number one, they both wanna go to SummerSlam and take away the Rock's WWF title. Number two, they both wanna win the hand, win the heart of the biggest piece of two dollar rancid (beep) meat the Rock has ever seen! So the fact of the matter is this, is that the Rock isn't thinking about SummerSlam this Sunday; the Rock is thinkin' about payback and he's thinkin' about it...tonight." This brings out COMMISSIONER McFOLEY, hopefully to move things along...but I doubt it. "Rock, Rock...Rock, I know exactly how you feel because after all, once upon a time, I used to be a WWF Champion myself. I know what it feels like to be so consumed with hatred that nothing else even matters, but I'm here to tell you at SummerSlam, only six days away, that when that type of anger takes place, challenges can be issued, tempers can be lost, and titles can be lost. So although I'd like to consider myself a pretty popular guy - right here in Lafayette, Louisiana (thumbs up) - I'm afraid I'm going to have to make uh...an unpopular move...I'm going to give you the night off." Next up on our list of entrances is KING KURT ANGLE with SKIPPY, HIS FRIEND. "Rock, I know you're upset...but see it from my perspective. Last week, when Mick - Commissioner Mick Foley was trying to split me and the McMahon-Helmsley family apart, what he was really doing was testing my integrity. Mick, you were trying to get me to turn my back on my friends, and abandon them - and it almost worked...almost. But I did come back to Rock and Triple H's match. And Rock, as you may recall, I bashed you over the head with a steel chair, allowing Triple H to get the win, and by doing that, by bashing you over the head with a steel chair, I proved I am a man of integrity - it's true...oh yeah, it's true. I picked loyalty over selfishness. And Rock, even though you lost the match, I gained a friend...and I'd like to bring him out here right now...Hunter!" THE NEW MAN & STEPHANIE ONO are out to join them on top of the stage. Handshakes and high fives all around. "Slut!" "Y'know, Thursday night, Kurt, you did show me a lot of integrity, and I've gotta admit...(handshake)...you made me quite proud of ya. You stood by my side..." "Asshole!" "You see, the fact of the matter is nothing will endear me to a person, nothing will make somebody my friend faster than watching them wrap a steel chair upside the Rock's head. It's true, it's true. Y'know, Rock, you seem very upset tonight, and I can't blame ya. I mean, after all, I beat you Thursday night in the centre of That Very Ring. Now, since I seem to have my family problems behind me, I can get back to what I do best, and that is beatin' your ass!" "Rock E!" "So Rock, if you are that upset and you feel like putting that title on the line tonight...then, Rock, I would be more than happy to come down to that ring and kick your ass right in front of all of these Cajun pieces of crap, and once again become THE World Wrestling Federation champion!"
"Well, the Rock says this--" "Wait wait
wait, wait wait, Rock, Rock, let me clear this up. Triple H, it's
unfortunate that your ears aren't as big as your nose...or else you would
have heard that I gave the Rock the night off, and besides, you and Kurt
are such good buddies, you're, you're a well-oiled unit, you're like a -
you're like a team, you're close friends, so what I thought I'd do tonight
is I would pit you against two other good friends...the Acolytes! And
listen, listen, we've got, if it's championship matches you want, we've got
two championship matches tonight - the first one pitting the Hardcore
champion, Steve Blackman, against you, Shano Mac!" "Hey, Commission Foley,
I - I didn't think you were serious about that." "Oh, oh, indeed I was
serious - as serious as a Blackman family portrait, but you see, Shane, the
good news is, if you survive the Hardcore championship match, then you get
to stand ringside and root on your little sister as she puts her Women's
WWF championship on the line - right here in Lafayette, Louisiana - and,
Steph--" "Mick, that is just fine with me. Because when it's all said and
done..." "Slut!" Hey, Steph didn't give Mick a chance to say "Lita" and
get her a pop. Boo Steph! "After I pin Lita [see?] for the third time in
the centre of the ring, 1, 2, 3, I am confident that the referee will raise
my hand in victory!" "Steph, you bring up an excellent point, and that
is...I can tell with your intestinal fortitude that this match tonight with
Lita is going to be a - it's gonna be a Pier Six Brawl, it's gonna be Katie
bar the door,
as JR might say, it's gonna be a slobberknocker! And as Commissioner of
the World Wrestling Federation, I realise this match could get way out of
hand. So what I'm going to need to do is appoint a special referee -
somebody who can maintain law and order - somebody who's gonna call that
match right down the line, which means it's absolutely, positively got to
be an individual who harbours no ill will whatsoever towards the McMahon
family...somebody like...the Rock!" Rock raises an eyebrow. "Hey! I'm
sure you're gonna put on a hell of a show - I'm gonna sit back, watch it,
and I'm gonna have...a nice day!
Backstage, we see Tazz ask a security guy where his locker room is - then accuse him of copping an attitude with his answer. Tazz shoves him into a garage door - and now he's WALKING! As he walks by a storage area, a pile of boxes and cans falls on him from up high - why, the King was hiding up there all along! Lawler jumps down and lets loose with some of those right hands - then throws some of the flotsam on top of him as well. The refs quickly pull him off. How come Lawler didn't throw any fire? Don't tell me he's saving that for the PPV!
WWF video ad - "WWF Divas," "TLC: Tables, Ladders & Chairs," and "WrestleMania: the double DVD" - including the Best of WrestleMania!
Chyna hawks Stacker 2 - take it and maybe she'll find YOUR brain stimulating. But not likely.
See, that goat is chasing after the guy wearing the SL's 'cause he wants to eat 'em
Bradshaw stars on "the Huntress" Wednesday on USA! He'll make a TV JOB to him!
JERRY "THE KING" LAWLER makes his entrance as
Moments Ago - Lawler shoves some boxes onto Tazz - lookit his manly bosom wiggle as he jumps to the floor! Oops...sorry, King
HARDY BOYZ (with Let Us Take You Back to Heat) v. DUDLEY BOYZ (with Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!) for the right to use "Boyz" - Foley's barred Tazz from the building...which seems unfair, seeing as *Lawler* was the one to do the attacking tonight. On Heat, Stephanie got in some shots on Lita to counteract her BLATANT cheating on Matt Hardy's behalf against Kurt Angle. Meanwhile, on SmackDown!, some bad blood erupted between these two when teamwork between D-Von and Jeff Hardy went awry. Before THIS match starts, EDGE & CHRISTIAN come out to provide some guest commentary. "Hear that, Edge? He thinks he knows you!" "You think you know me, JR? You will never know me." Lawler asks if they're planning on one of their patented run-ins tonight. "We are SO far above a run-in, tonight we're gonna introduce something special, it's called a 'swerve!' ...You know when you drive down the road about a hundred miles an hour, when it's really dark and you see a moose on the road and you swerve to miss it? It'll be NOTHING like that!" "You know how like, you can be totally like leading a person in one direction by the nose, and then you spin 'em around and bring 'em the other way? Well, you see here in a couple minutes, we're gonna - umm - actually we're gonna do - we're gonna do a run-in, forget the whole swerve thing! Haha!" Geez, I feel like I've just been swerved or something. Almost two minutes gone by as we pick it up with Matt Hardy tagged in and throwing punches on Buh-Buh Ray. Into the corner, boot up by Dudley, shot for Jeff, scoop and slam for Matt, "wassup" spot, war dance, "D-Von, get the table," and Edge proclaims the Dudleyz the masters of stinktitude. Jeff with a somersault plancha on both Dudleyz. D-Von put back in the ring. "Stinktitude - it's the opposite of ah...Christian help me out here." "Yeah, King, there's no time to explain, there's a match to call here - lookit that move!" "Whoa. Riveting." D-Von put in the corner, Matt down on all fours for Poetry in Motion. Matt right, right, cover, 2. Into the ropes, D-Von ducks, each man goes for a face to the canvas, and they both hit. Who will tag? I'm guessing both - yup. Hardy dropkicks Dudley, into the ropes is reversed, powerslam by Dudley for 2. Edge & Christian proclaim themselves "masters of the con-chair-to." Into the ropes, Hardy holds on, Dudley puts on a full nelson, Hardy blocks the atomic drop attempt twice, drops down, tries to roll up Dudley, but HE holds onto a waistlock, pulls Hardy back up, BACK to the full nelson, and hits the atomic drop. See - Buh-Buh Ray CAN mat wrestle!
Cover...Matt breaks it up at 2. All four men in the ring, now -
Buh-Buh Ray dumps Matt and goes outside. Buh-Buh Ray goes outside and
turns to Edge. "Joo talkin' to ME mang?" Matt hits him from behind, then
HE turns to Edge, until Buh-Buh Ray clocks him - and the cameraman tumbles
as well! Outside, Edge goes for the spear - Buh-Buh Ray sidesteps it but
Hardy does not. Edge decides to grab a chair as Buh-Buh Ray pulls D-Von
out of the way of a swantonbomb. Motioning for 3D (Dudley Death Drop) and
the crowd is chanting for it as well - Jeff Hardy takes it! Christian up
on the ramp, distracting referee "Blind" Mike Chioda - D-Von over with a
shot for HIM, and following outside to pour it on. Chioda watches all this
- and fails to see that behind him, Edge is in with the chair - and a WHACK
for Buh-Buh Ray that EVERYBODY can hear...except Chioda, of course. Jeff
puts an arm over Buh-Buh Ray. 1, 2, 3. (4:37) Say, you think these
will fight again on SmackDown! only to have the Dudleyz get the win back?
Backstage, Val Venis and Trish Stratus are WALKING! Stratus asks again why they've got a match tonight - Val runs down their match on Sunday, focusin on experience...who's got it...and who hasn't. She falls into the latter category. That's why. Got it? Trish says "of course not - I'm a blonde!"
WWF action returns to the Shark Tank on Saturday 7 October! Triple H, Undertaker, Chris Jericho, Kane, Big Show, Test, X-Pac, the Dudley Boyz are mentioned. Hmm, who ISN'T mentioned? And..Big Show? Anyway, tix on sale 1 September.
Shane, Stephanie, Triple H and Kurt Angle talk about whose match is most important tonight - go figure, they've all got different opinions. They break off into discussion groups...
And now, the Lugz Boot of the Week! From SmackDown! last Thursday, Chyna powerbombs Val Venis off the apron to the floor - so Trish breaks a pitcher over her head.
BALD VENIS & TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL v. CRASH (with that damn scarf) & IVORY (with Scale) - as the first team enters, we see Eddie & Chyna watching backstage on a monitor...she wants to run-in NOW but Eddie wants to do his Cheech Marin impersonation first - he must have been inspired from "Nash Bridges." Crash and Ivory come out, realise each is carrying the wrong gimmick - and trade (heh - that's super weak but I still chuckled). Ivory says "please look at my ass!" so I indulge her - but only this one time. I guess Trish is going to learn by watching, because the men start out tonight. Venis with the gutshot, right, right, into the opposite corner and Crash goes head first. Stomp by Venis. Scoop...Crash escapes, gutshot, scoop...and a slam. Clothesline. Into the ropes, reversal--we go backstage for some more sports entertainment, missing the next bit. Venis tags in Stratus when we come back. Side headlock...textbook bulldog! Stratus covers - 1, 2, Crash gets a handful of crotch as he presses her off with authority (you go, Crash) - Stratus almost slides out of the ring - then has to contend with Ivory trying to grab some hair on her way back in. She sprints back to Venis and tags him in. Venis runs into a drop toehold. Elbow. Into the ropes, reversed, back elbow, elbowdrop, Venis off the ropes with the kneedrop for 2. Head to the buckle. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Crash - off the ropes we go again, double clothesline puts both men down. Rikishi takes on Kane - TONIGHT! Tag to Ivory as Trish taps on Venis' shoulders to warn him she's coming...I think THAT'S a tag, too. Ivory grabs her by the hair and pulls her in over the top rope - I guess she does, too? All four in now - Crash gets one shot in on Venis before referee "Blind" Chad Patton occupies himself with getting Crash back into his corner. Ivory on Stratus - right - scoop...and a slam. Venis is over, surprising Ivory with the Blue Thunder powerbomb. Trish covers - 1, 2, 3. (2:34) Backstage, Eddie is talking about how she got lucky...but Chyna's already taken off. Back to the ring, where Venis and Stratus are celebrating just long enough for us to see THAT SLUT CHYNA walking out...ducks a Venis clothesline - elbow, elbow, clothesline to take Venis over the top to the floor. Stratus tries to escape, but Chyna grabs HER by the hair - geez, she better just go bald if she wants to avoid all these beatdowns - setting her up for a Pedigree (well, Ross thought a powerbomb, so maybe that) but Venis is quickly in to club her in the back and break THAT up. And a clothesline to take her down. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, EDDIE GUERRERO hits the ring and they scatter. Play Val's music one more time!
What will get fixed first? The nonfunctional Wizards of the Coast Nitro card game URL, or the misspelling of the company name in JC Penney's Pop the Lock ad?
Hey John, bought your copy of "Goin' South" yet?
Moments Ago, Ivory was powerbombed and pinned, Chyna beat up Venis while Stratus watched (see, HERE was where she should have tried to leave the ring - not HERE),
Chyna ate clotheslines from two different
directions, and now
We see Eddie and Chyna - and they're WALKING! All the way to Foley, who patiently listens as Chyna demands a match with Trish tonight and she really means it. Foley says he can't do that, but says he'll make Sunday's mixed tag match an Intercontinental Mixed Tag match - if either of them pin either Venis OR Stratus, they'll win the IC title. Chyna seems placated, while Guerrero seems to already be thinking of a way to screw over his mamacita...
RIKASHMONEY (with Let Us Take You Back) v. WELL IT'S KANE - the story of Kane's dramatic turn on his brother is recapped in this exciting set of clips you may have already seen a few times on Heat last night. Ross: "This should be a dandy!" Slugfest erupts. I COULD type "right" over and over, but with no Rock match tonight, perhaps I can avoid that. Rikishi punches, Kane punches, you into the corner, you with the big boot, you with the Samoan Drop. Both men outside where the punching.......continues. Whip is reversed, Kane with a knee in the gut, and putting Rikishi into the STEEL steps. Kane relieves Lilian Garcia of her chair and puts it in the ring. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long is already telling him not to use that chair lest he feel the wrath of his mighty DQ - Kane says "we've got to sell this PPV *somehow*" and WHACKS him on the coconut anyway. (DQ 1:13) Of course, Rikishi is a hard-head Samoan, so he gets up for ANOTHER chairshot. Riksihi up - WHACK BY THREE. TOO COOL run down the ramp - but are headed off at the pass by RIGHT TO CENSOR, who appear from the left side of the ramp. STEVEN RICHARDS provides direction. Too Cool actually manage to get away - so Kane brains THEM with the chair as well. Kane chucks the chair and sets the turnbuckles alight. Off he goes...leaving Richards to point his men back into the ring - holding up Hotty for a Stevenkick - Richards is wearing white socks? Stevenkick for Sexay. Richards directs Buchanan into a Superflous Scissoring Legdrop from the top rope onto Rikishi. The RTC's music plays and Richards finds the current situation Very Acceptible.
The APA door opens - and now the Acolytes are WALKING!
Meanwhile, Triple H and Kurt Angle are WALKING! Do they trust each other?
Next week, folks are playing tennis, so catch RAW at its regular time...well, unless you're on that OTHER coast
Moments Ago - WHACK - WHACK - Ross: "right on the gourd!"
KING KURT ANGLE and THE NEW MAN (with RAW credits & TV-14-DLV ratings box - AND RAW is WAR is brought to you by Stacker 2, Adidas and Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Ravioli) v. ACOLYTES - The Rock watches Angle on a monitor. Hey, if people are watching monitors tonight, does that mean Joe won't sucker 'em in tonight? Sign in crowd: "AND BEER" Pier Four Brawl to start - I'm not expecting this one to last too long. Bradshaw clotheslines H out of the ring - Angle into the ropes, double shoulderblock. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner puts Bradshaw in the corner as Faarooq stays on Angle, stomping away - into the ropes, spinebuster. Stomp, Angle crawls to H and tags. Tag to Bradshaw. H begs off, points to Faarooq, Bradshaw looks and H kicks him in the gut. Right, Bradshaw back with a right, right, chop, right, off the ropes, duck, caught him in a fallaway slam. H holds his back and tags a reluctant Angle. Angle runs at him, ducks a clothesline, but not the big boot. Elbowdrop, elbowdrop, 2 for Bradshaw. Tag to Faarooq. Open shot. Right, Rock is watching -
and now Foley is joining him. Into the
opposite corner is reversed, Faarooq puts a boot up. Faarooq runs into a
belly-to-belly suplex, however, when Angle blocks his attempt off the
second rope. H gives him a thumbs up (as if to say "please don't tag me")
Faarooq catches Angle in a backbreaker. Tag to Bradshaw. Shot for H.
Double neckbreaker. 1, 2, H saves just in the nick of time. H punches
away on Bradshaw, calls over Angle, and they put him into the ropes, but
Bradshaw pops out with a double clothesline. Right for Angle, right for H,
chop for Angle, right for H, Angle into the ropes, catching him for another
fallaway slam, but H clips the knee. Bradshaw punches H, but Angle ALSO
clips the knee (and maybe hits his nuts as well). Angle goes to work on
the knee, kick, kick, leglock, elbowdrop, anklelock, elbowdrop, back to the
anklelock. Tag to H. H kicks the knee, kneedrop on the knee, going for
the stepover toehold, but Bradshaw kicks him away, into the corner.
Bradshaw with a right. Into the ropes, H with the facecrusher on the knee.
Cover - 2. Right, Bradshaw with a right, right, right, H kicks the knee.
Bradshaw put in the corner, but he pops out with a shoulderblock. Both men
are down...tag to Angle, tag to Faarooq. Clothesline, clothesline for H,
clothesline for Angle, right for H, put in the corner, trying to come off
the ropes instead, Faarooq with a shoulder, catching Angle with a
powerslam. 1, 2, H breaks it up. Bradshaw over with a right. Whip into
the STEEL steps is reversed and Bradshaw hits hard. In the ring, Faarooq
with a snap suplex on Angle for 2. Dominator coming up - H in with a
gutshot and Pedigree. Cover - 1, 2, 3! (Triple H wasn't legal - oops)
they hug and raise arms. H leaves the ring and H stays
in to drop to his knees for the Olympic celebration...shouldn't have done
that, as Bradshaw is back in the ring, and there's the clothesline from
hell. Into the ropes, double spinebuster. H watches this, thinks about
making the save - then backs off when they look his way. Bradshaw hits a
high powerbomb on Angle. Play their music! Replay of Angle's beatdown.
What could this mean for SummerSlam?
Speaking of which, here's a SummerSlam promo - it's a triple threat match for the WWF Championship!
Bradshaw beats up a TV Wednesday on "the Huntress!" Only on USA!
Moments Ago, three paragraphs ago
In the dressing room, Triple H turns his attention to his wife...Angle bursts in a bit perturbed. "Where the hell were you? I thought we were in this together - I came back for you on Thursday, you can't come back for me? What the HECK? I just got my BUTT kicked!" H says this is about Stephanie now - "...you're not gonna go back to selfish old Kurt that just thinks about himself, right? All I'm hearing is ME ME ME - ME ME ME - while she's got a big match right now, can we focus on that? Let's be a team player here, Kurt, a little unity!"
STEVEN RICHARDS & RIGHT TO CENSOR are out for a few words. Ross: "THESE guys should be censored!" Lawler: "Now, wait a minute, let's not lower ourselves to their level." Ross: "You're right...I'm sorry." Idiot. Richards: "Whether you approve or disapprove of our actions is irrelevant. How we obtain our results is irrelevant. What is relevant is that we will fight the good fight against anyone - and we mean ANYONE - who offends morality. And I can assure you that Rikishi was one of those offenders. His appearance was inappropriate. Offensive. And most importantly, set a bad example. Allow me to ask you a question. Would you live in a world where your children have their rear ends sticking out? Would you live in a world where your children try to rub their behinds in each others' faces? Well that is exactly the bad message that Rikishi WAS sending, and when that happens, this happens:" Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight where Kane chaired Rikishi. "If inappropriate behaviour will not stop here in the World Wrestling Federation, then the Right to Censor most certainly will stop it, because we say.... NO MORE." COMMISSIONER McFOLEY is out once again. "Hey guys, all I know is I'm in the back trying to enjoy a big bowl of shrimp etouffee ["He said shrimp etouffee!!"], all of a sudden I hear you out here blabbin' your mouths, I don't feel so hungry any more, which is a real shame because I know how hard certain people had to work to get me that shrimp etouffee, so if you're with me and you know what I'm saying - light it up one time for the Commissioner and say it out loud...shrimpin' ain't easy! The point is, people work damn hard in this country, and they're entitled to watch whatever show they please! I understand that this is America, and you are entitled to whatever beliefs you want, but it is MY belief that every time the three of you walk into that ring, the WWF becomes a little less fun. And I like fun. And you know what would be fun to me? It would be fun to see Bull Buchanan and the Goodfather
in action at SummerSlam against Too Cool ... and Rikishi!
Waitwaitwait, okay, I understand, that doesn't seem fair, that certainly is
three against two, and I know, Steven Richards, you appreciate good
sportsmanship as do I, so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna even up the odds.
No, I'm not gonna drop either Too Cool or Rikishi - I'm going to add you,
Steven Richards, to the match at SummerSlam, where you can show off just
how deep your convictions lie, and Rikishi can show off just how deep his
wedgie lies! So you go out there, you and your little ridiculous siren and
your shirts and ties, and you try to enjoy yourself when you're sittin'
down in that corner and Rikishi backs that big ass up! Have a nice day!"
Backstage, Shane leads Rodney & Pete "Gas" out into the hall. Each man is a former hardcore champion...they should be hardcore champion again! Shane sic's 'em on Blackman - who has little trouble taking care of both of them...then chasing after Shane...
Chyna sells Stacker 2 - again. "The truth is - I like brains AND brawn." So...how does Stacker 2 make you smarter again?
When we come back, Kurt Angle is leaving the building. Stephanie stops him and asks what's up. "Triple H left me high and dry - I know when I'm not wanted!" Stephanie tells him to forget Triple H... "I NEED you there for me during my match - I need your support. ... Will you please stay and be my friend?" Kurt says he'd love to stay.
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO (with Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!) v. PERRY SATURN - on Thursday, you may remember, Jericho played a part in helping Steve Blackman retain the hardcore championship against Chris Benoit. Conspicuous by her absence is Terri...rather, Terri's nipples. Radio WWF returns once again this Saturday from 5 to 7 (Pacific) on the Westwood One Radio network! (That probably means 1050 The Ticket in my area, but I don't care...once again, I'll have better things to do while it's on) You and I are just killing time until the CHRIS BENOIT run-in (DQ 1:56) but I *will* mention Saturn's rather nifty Argentine rack inverted powerbomb even while ignoring the rest of the "action." Post-match, Jericho and Benoit tie up and referee "Blind" Jack Doan isn't going to be enough to pull them apart. Eventually all seven referees and two officials (Slaughter and Garea) get them separated. Jericho actually busts out a tope to land on the pile on the floor - and get to Benoit again. This pull-apart is taking a lot longer than this match. They're gonna go at it again out on the ramp! Benoit's nose is bleeding, too. Better cut to
Backstage, Trish Stratus is pouring herself a drink from the McDonald's orange drink party cooler. Shane approaches her. "Y'know, there's something I've always wanted to ask you..but I gotta do it in private...away from this here cameraman." They walk off arm-in-arm and I think Trish wanted me to look at her ass.
Want a pair of COOL Rock sunglasses? Send a copy of your cable bill
to this address and join the MONSTER WWF mailing list?
Triple H attempts to demonstrate the full nelson - Angle scoffs at his technique. They play Tale of the Tape ("I'm a four-time WWF Champion!" "Well, I'VE got gold medals!" Advantage: push) until Stephanie suggests that this might be a good way to help Kurt feel like he belongs, inclusion, blah blah blah, so why doesn't she let HIM teach her some moves? H agrees...but he's gonna be right behind that door over there. "Why? I'm showing her moves! I'm gonna show her Olympic-style moves - stuff that works - the real stuff!" "When you're done, I'll show you the real stuff." "Ptui!" Angle starts off with the REAL full nelson.
Meanwhile, STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) is WALKING! Running up from behind and knocking him down with ref in tow is TEST. They fight out to the tech area, where Test runs him into some heavy equipment. Blackman kicks back but Test stays on him. Test is a former hardcore champ, ya know. Through the crowd we go. Blackman coming back - into the crowd - reversed, and over the barricade. Test goes scrounging for plundah - trashcan lid to the head. Lid to the lid, again. Blackman put in the ring. Test tosses in some trashcan lids AND a can. "Here, catch this" - VAN DAMINATOR! But with a trashcan lid. Test puts a can on Blackman's chest and goes up top...but Blackman's up! Tossing the trashcan at Test - which crotches him on top. Blackman over with the can - can to the head, and Test tumbles to the mat. Into the ropes, lid to the abdomen, to the back. Another lid. Spinning backhand to the back of the head. Cover - 1, 2, ALBERT breaks it up. Albert gets to pounding. Uppercut, kick, forearm, right, knee, double into the opposite corner, do si do whip into an Albert avalanche, into Test's garbage can lid. Albert with a gutshot, standing on the neck as Test goes under the ring and finds the fire extinguisher. Test ready to turn it on, but Blackman kicks the hose in Albert's direction and HE gets a faceful of CO2 instead! Blackman up top - missile dropkick onto Test! Going outside - he's found the batons. Test feels the sticks all over. Albert tries the Alberbomb, but HE gets the sticks as well. Now EDGE & CHRISTIAN are out. Christian with a spinning heel kick. Both men stomp away. High five! Blackman sweeps Edge with a foot, then sticks Christian. Now SKIPPY appears and puts kendo stick to back of the head. Shane covers and referee "Blind" Jim Korderas counts - 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen...we have a new Hardcore champion. And sometimes I hate being right. (Let's call it 4:19) Edge & Christian put Shane on their shoulders while Test does the Scott Hall point.
It's a Special Time for RAW next week, thanks to the US (Tennis) Open.
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago. All told, it took seven opponents to get Shane the belt.
Backstage, Shane celebrates with Edge & Christian. Foley appears and gives Shane a big hug because he's so proud of him - Shane is suitably spooked. Foley says Blackman deserves a rematch at SummerSlam. Shane drops down and begs for someone to pin him. "Double gold?" They start to ro-sham-bo to see who will get the pin, but Foley suggest they BOTH pin him and be co-champions - he'll count the fall himself. They cover - Foley counts 1, 2, ...come to think of it, he never really liked that 24/7 rule...so he's gonna waive it until after SummerSlam. However, since they're so into action tonight, he's going to book them in an impromptu title defense against DX.
Earlier Tonight, the Kat arrived at WWF New York, wearing a lot of plastic.
Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! where Kat convinced Rikishi to give a big ol' stinkface to Terri
Angle continues Stephanie's lessons. H barges in, in the middle of a waistlock. Oh oh! Anyway it's all variations on a theme here. Let's move on.
Hey, you know Bradshaw's appearing on "the Huntress" on Wednesday -
he's gonna bust up that TV there, yup
The Rock wants you to lay the smack down with your vote - or something - wwfvote.com
Let Us Take You Back to During the Break where Kat was showing off her TV Guide cover to the fans at WWF New York, when all of a sudden Terri unleashed a heinous attack, culminating in her version of a stinkface ("it smells like fish, but it tastes like chicken!") - it was SO devastating that Kat's black wig fell off
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: EDGE & CHRISTIAN (with Earlier Tonight) v. D & X (with "the Kings") - when the cameraman pans around looking for them (even though we all KNOW that they're gonna come out using the stage like they ALWAYS do), check out the lower part of the picture there: you can see the WWF production table and its *staggering* amount of lava lamps that provide them with light. Next time you go to a TV taping, keep an eye out for the lava lamp section. Ross tells us Foley has asked Shane to leave the building - but wait, I thought if he won the match he could be at his sister's side? Say...which team is the face team in this match? X-Pac acts bored as Dogg goes on and on with his (no longer than usual) mic work. X-Pac and Edge start. Lockup, side headlock from X-Pac, to a hammerlock, Edge with a reversal, side headlock, X-pac punches out, to the ropes, Edge with a shoulderblock, up and over, leapfrog by X-Pac, heel kick, X-Pac gets to posing as Edge tags in Christian, who jumps him from behind. Stomp, stomp, right, into the ropes, duck, X-Pac with a somersault clothesline, tag to Dogg. Dogg with a reverse Boss Man straddle. Boot to the face. Cover - 2. Into the ropes, reversal, Edge trips up Dogg, then pulls him to the outside. Dogg blocks a right and throws one of his own - then eats a dropkick from Christian. Christian works him over a bit, then throws him back into the ring as referee "Blind" Earl Hebner keeps X-Pac from interfering. Ross says Foley just booked Dogg vs. 'Pac for SummerSlam. Edge with an elbow, stomp, stomp, (Ross: "Christian stomping away on the Road Dogg"), tag to Christian. Front face. X-Pac doing a lot of screaming, I think. Dogg's knees are starting to get funky - he punches out of it. Off the ropes, duck, duck, they collide in midair. X-Pac screaming for the tag. Dogg ducks another clothesline, left, left, left, juke, jive, shot for Edge who just came in, right, off the ropes with the wiggly wobbly wooxly kneedrop. Edge breaks it up at 2 - X-Pac gives HIM a spinning heel kick. Dogg picks up Christian for the pumphandle slam - X-Pac pulling him away so he can give him the X Factor - oh no, not THIS debate again - Dogg throws Christian down so they an properly get in each other's faces. X-Pac with a brief shove. Dogg leaves him to go back to Christian - and behind his back, X-Pac gets speared by Edge. Dogg and Christian trading punches - now Edge over to make it a doubleteam. Now THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ are out with a table...geez, I gotta stop doing blow-by-blow until I've had a chance to fast forward to the end and check for run-ins. (DQ 3:47) They Dudleyz chase Edge & Christian out through the crowd, leaving X-Pac and Road Dogg to argue some more. Dogg set to leave...now arguing with him from the apron. HE shoves X-Pac. 'Pac headbutts him - and he falls backwards off the apron through the table. I don't think he meant to do THAT.
Lita is WALKING!
SummerSlam triple threat match promo #2
And now, the Burn of the Week, brought to you by Stacker 2! From HeAT last night, Stephanie runs out to get her some of that cheater Lita.
WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: LITA (with Chef Boyardee presents SummerSlam!) v.
STEPHANIE ONO (with The New Man
& King Kurt Angle) - well, isn't
THIS some kinda main event. The special guest referee gets intro'd last -
"BLIND" LA ROCA
is too good for stripes, coming out in sleeveless "JUST
BRING IT" shirt instead. Rock tells Angle and H to stay out of it already.
Lita starts off with a double leg takedown and throws some TERRIBLE
punches, or elbows - shit, I don't know WHAT they were - that's how
TERRIBLE they were. Picking her up - into the corner, elbow (I guess).
Hairpull takeover. Running towards Stephanie in the corner, Lita eats a
shoe. Stephanie looks for guidance, then runs at Lita - into a hiptoss.
Lita with a scaryrana for....2?!? Angle on the apron, Rock makes him
flinch - but behind his back, H pulls away Lita's ankles. The
are out and on Triple H, but Kurt Angle is over to make a save. Crowd
chanting "Lita." Stephanie sidesteps a charge and Lita hits hard.
Stephanie with a kick, kick, kick, forearm, forarm, forearm, whip into the
oppostie corner, monkey flip (!), into the ropes is reversed, Stephanie
ducks the clothesline, gutshot and DDT (!!). Cover - 1, 2, nope.
Stephanie argues the count. Rock puts up a hand for her to talk to, then
displays two fingers. Stephanie back over to Lita - slap, slap, stomp,
stomp to the back, into the ropes, going for a...sidewalk slam maybe? But
Lita turns it into a flying headscissors. Elbow by Lita, into the ropes is
reversed, Lita ducks the clothesline and hits one of her own. Lita with a
tornado...bulldog...yikes. 1, 2, shoulder up. Lita with a snap
suplex...then dragging her into position for the moonsault. You KNOW that
can't happen - sure enough, Angle shoves her out of the corner. Both
Hardyz are over to wail on him a bit. H is over and now it's really broken
down. Matt Hardy into the STEEL steps off a reversed whip, H ducks and
puts Jeff into the barricade. Angle has the Women's title belt and trying
to offer it to Stephanie - but Rock walks over to ask what's up. Rock
pulls Angle into the ring. Right, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS
THAT RIGHT! Triple H in the ring and taking down Rock with a clothesline
from behind. Right, right, right, gutshot, putting him into position for
the Pedigree...oops, bad idea - Angle flies in, but with no Rock there, he
ends up waffling *H* with the title belt! Angle expresses
disappointment...and fails to notice Rock creeping up on him to hit Rock
Bottom. Stephanie has the belt, meanwhile...but Rock ducks the shot.
Spinebuster for Stephanie. Rock asks Lita to go to the top and hit the
moonsault - so she does. 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new
women's champion. (5:06) The
Hardyz spirit her away - our last shots are
of a jubilant Lita on the Hardyz' shoulders...and of Stephanie, H and Angle
out cold in the ring.
WWF logo means we be OUT.