/28 August 2000
WWF RAW is WAR
think walton3 had the best take on SummerSlam. So read
I must say Summerslam was possibly the most effective PPV I have ever seen. I am an "educated casual" fan. I have only been watching WWF since Wrestlemania 98 when Stone Cold first won the belt. Before that I only watched ECW and that was it. The only thing I truly regret missing was Hart Foundation vs. Austin. In the time I have been watching PPV's, Summerslam of last year and Backlash of this year standout as excellent casual and smart fanfare. This Summerslam however may have been the best overall PPV ever. The combination of solid wrestling, story development, crowd heat, PPV importance, memorable moments, cool visuals and crowd pleasing moments for the MAJORITY PERCENTAGE casual fans. Though the first few matches were fluffy (kind of like caffeine Raw matches) everybody was over. Too Cool vs. RTC left the door open for several things but namely Steven getting the Stinkface. Road Dogg vs. X-Pac was a solid match with way more fast pace wrestling, crowd heat, and drama than expected. In the past this match would have been higher on the card and disappointing but with the depth tightness of the WWF it was really good early on filler. The inter-gender I-C match was unique and very good. The psychology of seeing how long Val could go without tagging Trish was well done as was the chemistry between Venis and Eddy. Had the two of them fought alone, regardless of how good the match was, the crowd would have been dead. Chyna and Trish added heat and significant drama to the match. Plus they looked GOOOOOOD. When Chyna won, the crowd exploded. Tazz vs. King was tons of fun. As smart fans you lose sight sometimes of the casual fans stance. Nobody wanted to see Tazz win. He didn't lose any heat by losing this match. If any thing he came out a bigger heel. Meanwhile the victory was a pure mark-out moment. I had to give that match a standing O when it was over. Same with the hardcore match. Shane is a genius when it comes to putting people over at his expense. The brawl was fun with the crowd involvement. The hardcore spots were all there. But when Shane fell off the scaffold and Blackman jumped off after him......HOLY SHIT! Benoit and Jericho were excellent. I hated Benoit in WCW and ECW. I always looked at him as a low budget Hitman rip-off. Since his short reign in the WWF though he has become one of my absolute favorites. Yesterday was the best match they had so far. It had technical wrestling, brawling, psychology, lots of crowd heat and good time to develop a story. All three pinfalls were excellently executed, especially Jericho's victory, and the final fall was very effective. This match was the epitome of smart fan/casual fan quality. The crowd was very into the workmanship. Ditto the TLC match. Spectacular bumps with an excellent blend of subtle psychology plus very over wrestlers equals match of the year candidacy. The ending was very surprising and topped all of the dramatic endings of the various table, ladders, and chair matches.....OH MY! Terri vs. The Kat was just as effective as any match on the card. It had a brewing feud. It had lots of crowd heat. T&A was everywhere. Unlike WCW's shams, this match had enough pace and spotting to avoid looking outright sloppy. I was very pleasantly surprised with the entire match and finish. And once again they both looked GOOOOOOOOOOOOD! Kane vs. UT was another example of smart fans overlooking the average fans thinking. Both Kane and Undertaker are way over and many current fans missed the original feud. I was looking forward to the match though many internet types were clearly in loathe of it. Leave it to the WWF to come up with a way to keep it hot. The brawling was intense. Kane bleeding was subtle genius since it had never happened before. And the idea of unmasking Kane never entered anyone's mind for this match so when they went that route every viewer became fascinated. The ending was the least effective and most illogical of all matches yesterday but still sets up for the future nicely. The most disappointing thing was the main event. But that is just a case of my Angleholism and educated fan-itis. The most disappointing thing is we had to see another installment of HHH vs. The Rock. The initial confrontation between HHH and Angle was intense but formulaic. And though H/Rock did add some new moves and heavy psyche, it was still HHH vs. The Rock and their 10 combined moves. When Angle returned business picked up tremendously however and The Rock winning (and in a very clean fashion)sent the crowd home very happy and left the Angle/H feud stronger than ever. This was what Wrestlemania was supposed to be. It not only had something for everybody, it had a lot for everybody. This was a good night to be a fan smart, casual, or brand new. I hooked a bunch of women on the WWF recently with the love triangle and they had gotten into it heavily recently. They hate Tazz and E/C and RTC like they should. They like Chyna and Rock and Y2J like they should. This was the first PPV for them and for some other friends of mine and they loved every minute of Summerslam. They cheered, they booed, they chanted. The WWF finally came through with the hype and the product. This was a 5 star effort. And Wrestleline is the shit!
I think Kane HAS bled before, and I'd still like Tazz to come out of this stronger by *destroying* Lawler down the road, but that's about all I feel like disagreeing with at the moment. Oh, you're right about WrestleLine...but take out the "the" on the end. (And David, if you take THAT sentence out, I go on strike for real.)
Due to SBC/Pac Bell having shorted out my apartment's DSL (I've been off the 'Net since last Thursday - they MIGHT fix it later this week - anybody out there work for Pac Bell?), I was able to catch SummerSlam with a few friends and NOT working on a webpage simultaneously. I really enjoyed it, but Joe said the two-out-of-three falls match "wasn't long enough." I told him the dragon suplex made up for it, and HE accused ME of being a workrate freak! I wished I'D said that when he said it wasn't long enough. He also said that Edge & Christian didn't bump at all in the TLC match and they didn't deserve to keep the belts. Of course, they'll replay my counter for THAT in a (something) of the Week below, so stick around for that. Still, it was a well-received PPV all around. At least, Craig didn't complain about it, so I'll assume he liked it.
QUICK QUOTE: WWFE 20 1/4 (+ 15/16)
TONIGHT: When the US Open is on, I don't get a pre-show promo!
TV-14-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
MICHAEL KING COLE stands in the penalty box with COMMISSIONER McFOLEY, who immediately announces the following matches for tonight's card, including: four title matches! In six man action, Jericho and the Acolytes take on Benoit and T&A! Lita puts it on the line! Val Venis gets a return shot at the IC title! Tazz goes hardcore against Steve Blackman! And, to celebrate the one year anniversary of the Rock 'n' Sock Connection, Rock will defend the WWF title against Kane. Well, that makes sense--huh? Anyway, that's their pitch to keep you awake...right off the bat!
Meanwhile, Triple H stands in wait at the back of the arena...apparently, he hasn't seen his wife since SummerSlam. Where is she? WHERE?!?
Close Captioned logo - Opening Credits
Are we really LIVE? It's past 11 in Greensboro, NC fer cryin' out loud! From the Greensboro Coliseum (and WWF New York) - whatever the time, it's 28.8.2K and on the USA Network, RAW IS WAR!
CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO (with SummerSlam stills) and ACCOLADES v. T & A (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) and CHRIS BENOIT - Make no mistake, Benoit and Jericho had THE best match of the night last night (you know I'm bad with snowflakes, but I had it at ***3/4), even if it WAS on the shortish side (under 14 minutes for three falls). Four titles on the line tonight! Jericho meets Benoit at the top of the ramp and it's underway before you know it. Punches all over the place - same thing in the ring. Somehow, referee "Blind" Tim White manages to get the four in the ring to their corners as the Chrisses hit the ring. Jericho chopping away in the corner, kicks, whip into the opposite corner is reversed, Jericho gets the elbow up, second rope dropkick, and getting back on him with punches. Into the ropes, gutshot, double underhook into a backbreaker, stomp, stomp, clothesline - it's all Jericho. Test tries to tap on him from behind - Jericho turns and gives HIM a shot, but that's enough to allow Benoit to come in. Tag to Test. Drop toehold by Jericho, tag to Faarooq - kick, right, right, right, right, Irish whip into the opposite corner, Test puts up a boot, clothesline, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, semi-powerslam gets 2. Head to Bradshaw's boot - and tag to Bradshaw - kick, double into the ropes, double spinebuster. Bradshaw with a side Russian legsweep...for 2. Forearm to the back. Off the ropes, Test with a swinging neckbreaker. Right. Right, into the ropes is reversed, back elbow by Bradshaw, right, right for Albert on the apron, Test whipped into the corner, clothesline followup, *still* pounding on Test but Albert is in and gets Bradshaw from behind with a yelling avalanche. You'd think that that resulting sandwich would really hurt Test, but he's still up and ready to put up the boot for Albert to run Bradshaw into. Maybe that only hurts referees. Albert stomps. Guess this is counting as a tag. Big scoop slam, splash, 2. Tag to Benoit, open kick, right, right, head to the buckle, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, mean look at White, stomp, elbow, elbow, tag to Albert, kick, Albert kicks. Into the ropes, Bradshaw ducks, big shouldertackle and both men are down. Tag to Faarooq - but Jericho taps him on his way in, apparently tagging himself in without Faarooq having made any contact - isn't THAT clever. Jericho punches away on Albert while Test comes in to occupy Faarooq - they both eventually go outside and continue throwing punches while, in the ring, Jericho whips Albert into the ropes - reversed - head down, Jericho kicks him. Off the ropes with the bulldog. Shot for Benoit on the apron. Right, Albert punches back. Bradshaw pairs up with Benoit, putting his head in the STEEL steps. It's really breaking down now. Albert catches Jericho in a flying forearm attempt - and hits a funny lookin' Argentine neckbreaker for 2. Trish on the apron - Albert scoops up Jericho, but before he can do something out of the press, Bradshaw is in with a boot - Jericho lands on Albert in a splash on his way down. Jericho right next to Trish as he springs off the ropes with the Lionsault! 1, 2, 3! (5:24) Jericho STILL sells his left shoulder from last night by having White raise his right arm instead. Replay of the boot to the face, Lionsault, and pin.
Triple H is still pacing around backstage. X-Pac hooks up with him and asks what's up. H runs down the past 24 hours and says he hasn't seen his wife since last night. He doesn't know where she is...but he suspects that Kurt Angle is involved. If he shows up tonight, he's gonna take him out. X-Pac jokes that the last time he saw his wife, "she was in good hands." Then he snickers H doesn't find it funny. "Hey, I'm just kidding - hey, I thought you were my friend, man, can't take a joke?" "That's not funny." Hey, are we establishing the facedom and heeldom of-- nah, that's too subtle. Maybe they'll help me out later in the show with that.
SummerSlam encore ad
Chyna likes brains AND brawn - as long as you use Stacker 2 to get your brains
After the break, H talks it over with Dogg - he won't make a joke
like X-Pac (d'oh! They ARE establishing) - as a married man himself, he
feels his plight. These things tend to take care of themselves, and he
feels she's safe. Standing out here won't make her arrive any faster,
though. H says he's still gonna wait...but...hearing Kurt Angle's music,
he quickly changes his mind about sticking around...
KING KURT ANGLE is alive! Despite all the concussion talk, he's here tonight and, no doubt, ready to stir the pot. Anybody seen Stephanie? "Last night, at SummerSlam...last night at SummerSlam Your Olympic Hero, sadly, suffered a horrible, horrible concussion - oh it's ture - and as a result of that concussion, there are a lot of things that I don't quite remember. I mean, SummerSlam could have been the greatest night of my life, of my career. It could have been a night that I'd told my grandkids about. But the fact of the matter is, after Triple H attempted to Pedigree me through the Spanish announce table, and my face smashed into the concrete floor - what are you cheering about? My mind drew a complete blank. So, because of that concussion, my future grandchildren will have to suffice with stories about the Olympic Gold Medals and other WWF achievements, and NOT SummerSlam 2000. But what I do know about last night, what I do know, is that Your Olympic Hero valiantly came down to the ring and competed for the title - AFTER I got my concussion...oh, it's true. What I do know is that W - what I do know is that Hunter (a very scared man) actually struck his wife Stephanie in the middle of the ring - and then got his butt kicked by the Rock! And THAT is true. And what I do know, and what I've been told, is that I came back to help Stephanie, to take her away from any further brutality, I brought her to safety, and to seek medical attention at Mex - REX Medical Centre...and that's all I know about last night, but what I DO know is that Triple H has always been a shady character in my book. What he did to a poor, innocent girl like Stephanie is beyond deplorable...it's borderline criminal. And although that may be the way people in other countries and backwards states like North Carolina live, it's NOT acceptible to me! Oh it's true, it's true. So it's very clear to me that Triple H, you always made a lousy WWF Champion. But after last night, you make even a lousier husband. And THAT is true." THE NEW MAN makes his way out at this point. "Let's get a few things straight. Last night at SummerSlam, Kurt, you didn't get a concussion - I GAVE YOUR ASS A CONCUSSION. Now, Kurt, last night I beat you senseless. Now I'm not gonna do that tonight - well not just yet - you see, because I'm out here for one thing. There's one thing I wanna know...Kurt, I want you to tell me where my wife is. And if you don't, if you don't, you wanna talk about what I did last night being criminal? If you do not tell me now what I wanna know, what I do to you In This Very Ring will most definitely be criminal." "So Triple H, what are you implying? Are you implying some sort of kidnapping? Well, to be honest with you, I'll leave the criminal activity up to you - you did punch your wife, right? I mean, I told all these people and I'll tell you again, I don't have a clue what happened last night, and I certainly don't know where your wife is." "You know, Kurt, you come out here every week, and you like to play the ignorant jackass. Hey - don't get me wrong, you do a great job. You're the best ignorant jackass we've got here. But - (Kurt brandishes a medal) impressive - but I'm not buying it. I know you better than that. You're not that dumb. You forget who you're dealing with, Kurt. You wanna call me a shady character? Yer damn right I'm a shady character. I'ma the king of the underhanded king (huh?) so you're not foolin' me for a second! Now I want you to tell me what I wanna know, and I want you do to it now - before I beat your ass." "Before you start to beat my...'ass,' in case you didn't know, Triple H, I am an Olympic Gold Medalist." "Whoop dee doo!" "When I say something, you're damn sure, you'd better be damn sure that I am telling the truth, because I wouldn't do anything else - that is how I am. But maybe, maybe the reason why your wife Stephanie hasn't tried to contact you is because she's scared of you. Maybe your wife hasn't tried to contact you is because she doesn't trust you...or maybe, just maybe, when you punched her in her head, you finally knocked some sense into her and she sees you as the bastard that you are!" H shoves him through the ropes and to the outside. Angle makes sure to land on his head again. The REFS & OFFICIALS are out but I'm not sure they'll be able to keep these two apart. Oh, wait, yes they are. Was it that concussion that caused Angle those problems with his lines?
Backstage, Chyna and Eddie are looking on courtesy a nearby monitor. "I don't know...I sorta feel sorry for Hunter." Guerrero, apparently clueless to Chyna's past, says that H doesn't know how to treat a lady - what she SHOULD be worried about is her title defense against Venis. They take off - and that match is NEXT!
Oh boy, the scary lookin' talking greyhound is back
And now, the WWF Burn of the Week, brought to you by Stacker 2! From SummerSlam last night, Trish fails to clothesline Chyna - on her way to losing Val Venis' intercontinental championship.
WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: THAT SLUT CHYNA (with Eddie Guerrero - and Eddie Guerrero's music) v. BALD VENIS (by his damn self) - Tonight, RAW is brought to you by Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Ravioli,
Motor Oily, and "WWF Divas: Postcard from the Caribbean!" Venis comes out
with his manager due to his extreme unhappiness. I guess. Venis turns to
say something to Eddie and Chyna tries to attack from behind, but he's
ready - kick, forearm, forearm to the back, clothesline, stomp, stomp,
through the ropes to the outside. Kick to the midsection, put back in the
ring. TRISH STRATUS (THE FINTNESS
MODEL) appears at the top of the ramp
and watches on. Head to the buckle back in the ring, into the ropes, back
elbow, stomp, cover...1, 2, no. What the heck *is* that stuck to Chyna's
shoe - piece o' weave or something? Scoop...and a big slam. 1, 2, nope.
Venis puts her on the second rope, and a knee on the neck - referee "Blind"
Jack Doan suggests that that might not be kosher - and so does Guerrero on
the outside. Vertical suplex - make that a half hour suplex...for 2.
Kick, kick, forearm, into the opposite corner, Chyna puts up an elbow to
FINALLY get an offensive move...then runs into an elbow to the gut. Oh
well. Venis drives her head to the mat, comes off the rope...into a Chyna
clothesline. Crappy handspring elbow coming up...gutshot, DDT. Leg is
hooked - 1, 2, nope. Chyna got his head between her legs, ready for
the...well, we'll never know, as Venis counters with a double leg, and
catapult into the corner. Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, stomp right on the
boobie, standing on the neck. Doing it again, and Eddie's started to have
just about enough of this. Doan has to hold him back to prevent him from
coming into the ring. Venis makes the mistake of looking HIS way, and just
about everybody can see the low blow coming. For variety, Chyna slaps him
one before kicking him down there. Chyna with a couple forearms - and the
testicular claw! Venis starts bouncing while in the claw - yikes!
Clothesline takes him outside. Lawler: "She had a handful of...Venis!"
Guerrero tries to get in some licks on the outside, but Venis recovers
quickly (Adam West: "A little...TOO quickly") and knees, then drops
Guerrero throat first on the barricade. Chyna is over with her forearms,
or elbows, or whatever the hell they are. Put back in the ring, Venis gets
the stomp as she comes back in. Ross says Venis must be wearin' a cup or
somethin'. Into the ropes, spinebuster by Venis. He's ready to go up top
and finish this - Stratus starts down the aisle...no, no, Venis stops what
he's doing to tell her to get her as back up to the stage. He's halfway up
the aisle himself before Guerrero is up from behind and attacking again.
Why yes, Doan DOES miss all this - even in great big TitanTron video.
Venis put back in the ring - turned to Guerrero and pointing, and allowing
Chyna to come up from behind with a schoolboy - Doan makes his trademark
"you know it's the finish because I count EXTRA fast" count and Chyna
retains. (5:18) Venis
takes off after Stratus making faces and pointing.
Michael King Cole asks Kurt Angle to confirm that he doesn't remember anything about last night. Angle says yes, he doesn't remember anything - he had a concussion! The only reason he knows he carried Stephanie to safety is because someone told him. Although...he seems to remember... "after the hospital, being in a hotel lobby...and I wasn't alone...yes...Stephanie was there. And I remember a room...room 814...that was my room...wait a minute, wait a minute, things getting fuzzy...actually, that was Stephanie's room....excuse me."
Here's an outside shot of the Greensboro Colesium Complex
Hey! ELLIOTT & HERMIE SADLER in the front row - they drive fast
STEVEN RICHARDS (with Wall Buchanan & Goodfather...and SummerSlam stills) v. RIKISHI (with Too Cool, Mandy & Victoria) - "Last night, a victory was won for morality and indecency (huh? I think he meant "decency"). We fought the good fight for all of you...and yet, you continue to boo us. Clearly, our Constitution is archaic. Clearly, our forefathers did not intend for freedom of expression to be taken to such perverse lengths. Allow me to offer you a lesson in morality - Rikishi's fat, disgusting rear end hanging out of a thong is unacceptable. Violence is unacceptable. And most importantly, scantily clad woman are unacceptible. And the fact that Rikishi brought those women back makes this personal. And quite frankly, I am disappointed that here in the Bible belt, you all do not seem to care. Well, SOMEONE has to fight for your children! SOMEONE has to fight the good fight and make this world a better place. And SOMEONE must be here to stop people like Rikishi and teach him the words 'appropriate behaviour.' And I, Steven Richards, will sacrifice my well-being to censor material that we find indecent and inappropriate. Because none of you in North Carolina will. And if you don't know what's good for you and your children.....we do." Rikishi's got a ho on each arm - Hey! The other ho finally got a name!
Buchanan and Goodfather rush the ring and try
to take out Too Cool. As Hotty and Buchanan brawl to the outside, Rikishi
and Sexay pinball Goodfather a bit before HE goes outside. Sexay follows
him out, while Richards tries to sneak in one as Rikishi removes his robe -
but Rikishi lands a superkick! Richards in the corner - fat ass splash!
Richards flumps down - Rikishi looks his way, but once AGAIN the stinkface
is averted as Goodfather & Buchanan are back in...Rikishi ducks THEIR
double clothesline and hits one of his own. And NOW we'll get - oh no,
Buchanan pulls him out of the ring. Guess we'll tease that all the way to
Unforgiven. The RTC walks off. You know, we never DID get an opening
bell...ah hell, let's play Too Cool's music again! NOW IS THE TIME ON
SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE! (No
contest) Stick around - the Rock WILL be on
Back to the green room we go. Why the long face, Triple H? There's a knock at the door...and it's Chyna. "You doing okay?" "Yeah, I'm doing all right...it's the whole Kurt Angle thing. I feel like my marriage is falling apart, you know?" "Well, relationships are a tough thing...and a marriage is even harder. I know that whatever you and Steph are going through, you'll work it out." She goes to leave...then sits down again. "You know, trust...is a really big thing in a relationship. It means everything. Without it, you have nothing. You know? I mean, look at me and Eddie. The reason we work so well is because we love each other, we support each other and we trust each other. Just give your wife a chance - you guys'll do fine." H thanks her, and they hug...and, wouldn't ya KNOW it, Eddie Guerrero comes in at that moment and asks what's up. Triple H gets a shove. "Hey, that's MY mommy, ese!" Damn, he got jealous QUICK. They walk off, and H asks (rhetorically?) "Has everybody lost their mind around here?"
Moments Ago, one paragraph ago - ohhh, I see, it's his ETHNIC LATIN TEMPER
EDGE & CHRISTIAN seem a bit subdued on their way to the ring - must be the injuries (as evidenced by the notable tapejobs on exposed fleshy areas). "Now, normally we'd come out here and do our little shtick...but after last night's Tables and Ladder and Chairs ["oh my"] - that's right, the TLC match at SummerSlam...we just can't do that." "Matt, Jeff, D-Von, Buh Buh, we may not always see eye to eye, but after last night's match, we have more respect for you than you can possibly imagine. Now we realise the Dudleyz aren't here tonight, but Matt and Jeff, you are. So if you don't mind, we'd like you to come out here so we can shake your hands. Let's give it up for North Carolina's own...the HARDY BOYZ." Wait...you know...those guys look like a coupla midgets dressed up in wigs and Hardy T's. Each mini-Hardy carries a footstool ladder and hits the "guns" pose. The champs almost fall over laughing. Hearty handshakes are exchanged as Christian finds his pair of goofy goggles and puts them on, now that the ruse is exposed. "You see, the fact is the greatness of the match had nothing to do with the Hardy Boyz OR the Dudley Boyz. We could have been in there with...I don't know - the Bushwhackers...or even Tekno Team 2000 and it would have been great, simply because we were in it, and furthermore, what I'm trying to get across to all of you is this--" The music of THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ interrupts things--oh, wait, it's ANOTHER pair of midgets, complete with Dudley glasses and a kid's play table. King: "There just SOMETHING about a midget that makes me wanna laugh!" "Ya see, we were TOTALLY gonna use the time-honoured tradition of shaking our opponents hands after a tough, grueling match - but instead, we decided to use the time-honoured tradition of mocking our inferior opponents. Isn't that right, Buh Buh Ray?" "Waaaaaaasssuuuuuuuup!" "And what about you, D-Von?" "TESTIFY!" and he does the war dance. "Hey Hardy Boyz, how 'bout you?" They back off and make the guns pose again. "I'm sorry, I forgot - the real Hardy Boyz don't get to speak, so why should you." "Now, we don't have any footage from last night, so we'll re-enact the classic TLC match from SummerSlam." The midgets stand on the ladders and on the table and meekly paw at each other - then Edge & Christian push them all over. "Well that was all really good fun, it really was. What we're gonna do now is give all you people what you really came to see, so I'm going to have to go ahead and ask for 37 seconds up on the TitanTron." "So for the benefit of those with flash photography, we present to you our 37 second tables, ladders and chairs victory pose." They hit the music and pose as the midgets do si do - then they hold the belts up as they try to jump up and grab them. They then give up and salaam the champions. Finally, with five seconds to go, the NON-MIDGET HARDY BOYZ appear and get to bustin up the champs, including Matt throwing the kiddie table at Edge, and Jeff executing Poetry in Motion off one of the stepladders. And now the shirts come off! They go outside and produce two REAL ladders from underneath the ring - sandwich for Edge. They set up the ladders as the crowd chants "table." Up top they go...but Christian pulls him out of the ring before they can do anything.
Play the Hardyz' music! They're guaranteed
to be gettin' some poon tonight!
Backstage, Eddie beats up a wooden locker. Kurt Angle appears. "Listen...my Latino friend...just calm down. I know exactly how you're feeling! There's nothing lower than a man that would try to sneak his way into another man's relationship!" Angle suggest he should show Chyna how much he really cares and fight for her! A challenge to Triple H is in order. Did Angle just call him "ese?" Guerrero says "Orale!" and walks off...and Angle has a smile on his face...
SummerSlam encore presentation promo #2
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh...and SummerSlam stills...and RAW credits) v. TAZZZZZZZZ - Champ comes out first because HE'S THE MAFUKKIN MAN - hey, you can call it a stuntman spot (and you probably did...didn't you), but it was STILL a "holy shit" moment and in this day and age, you don't say "holy shit" too much and it's STILL cool when you do. PLUS we got to hear Blackman's ENTIRE theme after the match! Yeah! TAZZ ON THE STICK: "You know, last night, SummahSlam, JR, you and the King got one hell of a laugh, didn'tcha, when you damn near almost blinded me, one inch away from taking out my eye. One inch away from damn near ruinin' and endin' my career. Well, tonight, the mood is definitely gonna change, 'cause ya see, there's not gonna be not one, not two, not three, BUT three victims (huh?). Blackman - just another victim. Lawler - just another victim. And good ol' JR...you leather-faced bastard - you will be just another victim to the one man crime spree. 'Cause I'm Tazz...thug life born, thug life bred, when the time is right...I'll be thug life dead." Our commentary team, LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER, spend a lot of time looking nonplussed for our benefit. Tazz hits the ring and ducks a trashcan lid shot, hits a death suplex, then goes outside to have some words with Ross. Blackman's outside. "Here catch this garbage can." "Okay - why?" "So I can kick the can!" (All dialogue may not have actually happened.) Tazz goes over the barricade into the first row - Blackman follows - punching away. Commentators are less than unbiased in their support of Blackman. Trading punches out in the pit between floor sections. Back over the barricade and to ringside. Tazz put in the ring, Blackman follows. Trashcan lid to the kneecaps off the ropes - to the back. Blackman's done with that one - got a new one. Kick. "That's right - here we go!" Spinning backhanded lid to the head. Standing dropkick. Kick. Rapid-fire strikes. Stomp. Into the ropes, reversed, Blackman ducks a clothesline, Tazz ducks a roundhouse. Back leg trip by Tazz, stomp, stomp, stomp. Tazz goes for the strap - whip, whip, thrown through the ropes. Tazz has the lid - to Blackman's head. Blackman put back in the ring - then Tazz figures, what the hell, guess I'll brain Lawler while I'm out here. Tazz reaches for Ross over the commentary table but doesn't get him. Lawler is over with a right. Tazz punches back. Got him in a choke...but Ross is over with the garbage can lid and HE whacks him right in the head - with the EDGE of the lid. Yikes! THEN, from the apron, Blackman JUMPS onto Tazz, both feet hitting his sternum on the way down. Cover - referee "Blind" Jim Korderas makes the count - 1, 2, 3! YOU *KNOW* BLACKMAN IS THE MAN! (2:38) Tazz crawls towards the commentary table - Lawler throws his chair at him, wiping out him *and* Korderas. The REFS & OFFICIALS are quickly out to prevent further issues - THIS night. "Thug my ass! Get that sonuvabitch outta here." Ross slaps the trashcan lid. Replay of the lid shot to Lawler...and it all went downhill from there. Ya know, the only thing this segment was missing was a BLACKMAN'S ELBOW
Triple H hears a knock at the door...it's Just Joe. H chases him off before he can say anything (HA! That was DAMN funny.). The door opens AGAIN and it's Eddie Guerrero, somehow being held back by referee Mike Sparks - he says that everything Angle told him about him is true. He's also been talking to Commissioner Foley...and then lays down a challenge...in Spanish. "I don't know what you just said, pal, but you just wrote a cheque that your ass can't cash!" "Come and cash it!" H removes his shirt....quick take an ad break before the pants come off!
Come to think of it, I suppose I should mention that as much fun as it is to see Tazz repeatedly job out to Lawler, you just KNOW that eventually Tazz has got to KILL him down the road...or, he could end up in Public Enemy land
Moments Ago, two paragraphs ago
And now, the WWF Boot of the Week - brought to you by LUGZ! From SummerSlam last night, Edge & Christian get crotched from on high when Lita comes out and tips the ladder
WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: LITA v. JACKLIN - Champ comes out first because it's all the rage with the kids. Jackie draws first blood with a boot, elbow, forearm, into the ropes, Lita busts out an improbable headscissors. Drop toehold. 'rana. Leg is hooked - 2 from referee "Blind" Chad Patton. Into the corner, crappy clothesline. Later tonight, the Rock - we promise! Also Guerrero and Helmsley. Snapmare takeover, dropkick to the small of the back, cover, 2. Into the corner, Lita runs into a thrust kick. Jackie on top...Lita crotches her before she can do anything. Lita climbing to the second rope - Jackie holds on and hits the front superplex. Field goal kick. "Get up! Come on!" Jacqueline with a right, knife-edge chop, open-handed slap, kick to the thong - err, ribs. "How you like me now?" Crowd: "..." Another kick to the ribs. Into the ropes, reversed, Jackie with a *sweet* floatover DDT...for 2. Into the ropes, towering flapjack by Jacqueline...for 2. Would they have this match at this time if it were in the 10 hour instead of the midnight hour on the east coast? Jackie up top - cross body HITS! For 2. Scoop...Lita frees herself and hits a Slop Drop. Clothesline by Lita. One more. Gutshot, Twist of Fate neckbreaker. Dragging her into position for the scary moonsault - which hits right around the pelvis. Of COURSE that'll keep her shoulders down for the 3, silly! (3:33) Post-match, EDGE & CHRISTIAN come out...Lita backs up to the ring...and Jacqueline picks her up by the hair and brings her into the ring...while watching this, the cameraman takes a tumble as the HARDY BOYZ appear and Katie, bar the door. Edge manages to sneak in the ring and give Lita one more spear in the ensuing melee. Hardyz finally chase them away. Play the champs' music! If you're thinking "mixed 6 man for SmackDown!" you could probably book this thing too - and tell Vince Russo that just because it's predictable doesn't mean it's ALL bad - although the match might be, wink wink.
Michael King Cole ventures to the depths of hell to get a few words out of Kane. "What's the matter, Michael? Nervous? Scared? What my brother tried to do was show the world what I am - what I have tried to hide my entire life - what you people wouldn't accept! The fact that I am, and always have been...a monster. Well since the world won't accept me, I won't accept them! Since the world is afraid of me, I'm gonna give you something to be scared of! But the one thing - the one thing that I will enjoy more than beating my 'normal' brother to a bloody pulp is to beat the People's Champion, because then, the monster will represent the People as WWF Champion."
Meanwhile, Eddie Guerrero is WALKING! Chyna is trying to convince him this isn't necessary, but Eddie says that "this is something I gotta take care of man to man." THEN he commands Chyna to stay behind...
...so she walks through a gym selling Stacker 2, instead
THE NEW MAN (with RC Edge presents Unforgiven - 24 September from the sold out First Union Center in Philadelphia!)
Guerrero hits the ring, ducks a clothesline, right, right, right, right,
into the ropes, reversed, ducks, H going for a tilt-a-whirl but Guerrero
takes him over with a headscissors instead. Clothesline. H in the corner,
Guerrero leaping to the second rope. Ten Punch Count Along stops at five
when H shoves him off. Guerrero ducks a clothesline, right, right, right,
European uppercut, right, European uppercut, badmouthin' until H gets in a
shot. Chyna watches the monitor backstage - but who's she rooting for?
Guerrero back to the right hand, right, into the ropes is reversed, duck,
high knee by H connects. Chyna watches. Head to the bbuckle by H, right,
right, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp,
standing off the neck - referee "Blind" Mike Chioda pulling him off. Man,
it MUST really be 12:30 there because this crowd is DEAD DEAD DEAD and
sucks, too. Maybe they should have scheduled this taping for the West
Coast where it still would have been 8 when they started? Off the ropes,
back elbow by the Game. Right by Guerrero, right by H has a little more
sting. Vertical suplex - nicely done. H with a crotch chop running
kneedrop - bad camera angle as we see it TOTALLY not hit - still, it gets
2. H with two rights, Guerrero punches back, H with a knee to the gut.
Into the ropes, H going for a powerbomb, but Guerrero counters with a
(ouch) Lita-esque 'rana (by which I mean it looks like Guerrero landed
right on his head while executing the move). Backed up to the corner, and
Guerrero is still punching. Whip into the opposite corner is reversed, but
Guerrero puts up an elbow. Tornado DDT (hi Chavo!), and Guerrero puts him
in position for the rana splash - H gets out of the way, so Eddie tries to
tumble through instead. Running at H, but he dumps him over his head to
the turnbuckle. Gutshot, Pedigree coming up - no, wait -
KING KURT ANGLE
is out with a chair - WHACK for Triple H (DQ 3:30), WHACK for Eddie
THAT SLUT CHYNA
is out with a chair of her own and Angle bails. Chyna
checks on Guerrero...AND on Triple H. Angle's music plays - and he's
smirking once again...golly, this guy got all DIABOLICAL on us
Moments Ago, one ad break ago - we are told that Angle has hotfooted it out of the arena
AL SNOW & ERNEST MILLER (with SummerSlam stills) v. PERRY & TERRI - *Please* stay awake! Rock will come out in the next quarter hour! Just hold on, baby! Here's some ass for you to look at! Hmm, I'm SURE I've seen this match somewhere before... Kat making a big show of reminding Terri that she'd put her ass on her face last night - Terri finally shoves it away with her boot. Slap! Hairpull - catfight! Catfight! Catfight! Don't let the exclamation points fool you, though - I'm not too into this match right about now. Terri shoves her away with both boots. Got her by the hair, slap, knee (sorta), knee, front facelock...fishermanplex? Terri gives herself a wedgie, makes the thing with the horns, and tries a buttdrop...and misses. Kat got her hair - warming up HER butt. "You want some of this?" Saturn comes in and shoves her. Ha! Snow tags in - Saturn tags in. Can we have some REAL wrestling now? Snow blocks, right, right, right, into the ropes, clothesline, stomp, stomp, into the opposite corner, reversed, Snow holds on and slides under, holding onto the arm for a reverse gutwrench belly-to-back...umm, actually I've forgotten what that suplex is called. I think there's some sort of bug in the name. I'll get back to you on that. Right by Snow, right, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, but Saturn puts the boot up. Boot up again - Saturn goes behind with a Tiger suplex (wow!) - clothesline by Saturn. Stomp. "Lookit Terri's ass" shot. Elbow by Saturn, into the ropes, head down, kick by Snow, Saturn powers him down and goes for an armbar - Snow to the ropes. Saturn tries to pull him out again, but Snow grabs the top rope. Saturn pulls again, kick to the gut, Snow reversed the armbar...hell, I don't know what THAT is, either. Let's call it a "chickenwing fireman's carry" and remind me to send Saturn and the Snowman a bonus for not mailing it in this late in the show. Right by Snow, right, kick, left kick, Saturn to his knees, Saturn kicks the head, cover - 2. Put in the corner, whip out to the opposite corner, Snow slides through but runs right into a superkick. Saturn going up top...Snow with a superkick of his own, to Saturn's leg - crotching him on top. SNOW going up top to meet him...superplex coming up? YES! Both men slow to get up - they trade punches as a ruckus comes up from the crowd - it's...it's MIDE-I-E-I-ON? A thunderclap greets us as he comes into the ring wearing a...umm...jock strap... with fur on it. He does a bit of "RAW boy" dancing and then takes off through the crowd. Snow gives us a "bleah" reaction as Lawler's voice goes three octaves higher - huh, I thought he only reacted that way to chicks. Now I gotta WONDER about him. Saturn runs at Snow, who catches him as if to deliver the Exploder, put powerbombs him down instead, sitting out. Snow going up top for the moonsault - and it hits! 1, 2, Terri climbs on Snow's back. Snow lets her ride him a bit before he throws her off. Saturn with a knee in the back that sends Snow to his own corner, also knocking Kat off the second rope, over the top rope and into the ring! Doan proclaims her legal, so Saturn immediately clamps on the Rings of Saturn and you know Kat is quick to give it up - actually, in retrospect, that was an unfortunate choice of words. (4:22) Snow chases them off - the celebration is on outsidde the ring.
WOW! Kevin Kelly
stands in front of an *exciting* door!
Selected highlights of this Lugz ad: "Aight...word up...c'mon...ha ha ha..."
Mick Foley encourages you to log on to wwfvote.com AND smack down your vote! In that order!
One more look at the outside of the Greensboro Coliseum Complex...or whatever it's called. It's up to 40,000, that voter reg count.
From WWF New York, the DUDLEY BOYZ share a few thoughts. They're pretty tough when they're 1500 miles away, but if they were actually there, they'd be happy to put them through tables...hurt or not. As for the midgets, if anybody'd know about short little stubby things, it'd definitely be Christian and Edge.
KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands with the Rock - who waits for the cries of the crowd to die down before talking. Maybe they're just not being mic'd well, 'cause they STILL sound pretty damn dead to me. Kelly makes the mistake of asking Rock if he's mentally as well as physically prepared for Kane tonight. "Finally, the Rock has come back to Greensboro! Kevin Kelly, let the Rock answer your question with a question of his own. Are you mentally as well as physically prepared to tickle the anus of a monkey?" "Rock, why do you always--" "WHY do you ask the Rock stupid questions? WHY are you an ugly hermaphrodite? Nobody knows, Kevin Kelly. But what everybody does know is this: last night at SummerSlam, the Rock went through a war. Last night at SummerSlam, the Rock went to hell and back - and last night at SummerSlam, the Rock is still WWF...Champion. But now, on to tonight. After everything the Rock went through last night, tonight, the Rock has gotta face seven feet, three hundred thirty pounds of monster. Kane, you have the nerve to run your mouth and say that you're gonna take what's most important to the Rock - the WWF title...and not only that, you're gonna represent the People? Well, make no mistake about it - there ain't but one, and the Rock means ONE man who represents the People and that's the Rock, the Brahma Bull, the same man who tonight is gonna whoop your seven foot burnt up candyass all over Greensboro - if ya smelllllllalalalaloooow - what the Rock (looks Kelly up and down) is cookin'." You know, that Kevin Kelly's gonna SNAP some day.
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: WELL IT'S KANE (with SummerSlam stills) v. LA ROCA - Only the Rock is left to be the flagbearer of tradition and be the Champion AND second man to enter. Hey, I'm pretty sure *I* heard an opening bell in that "never took place" Undertaker/Kane match last night. One fun thing we DID do during that match was invent crazy stories about how Kane was able to appear completely unburned (we settled on "he's made so much money in the WWF, he's been able to afford ALL kinds of reconstructive surgery - coincidentally, that's ALSO why he's able to speak AND not be mentally retarded anymore") and wonder aloud why Paul Bearer hadn't returned yet. When the mask was removed, we also made several "Hey! That's my dentist!"/"Hey! That's Diesel #2!" comments. Ain't we a kooky bunch, though? Here we go - Rock block, right, right, right, Kane right, right, duck, Rock right, right, into the ropes, reversed, big boot by Kane. Uppercut. Head to the buckle. Right hand. Into the ropes, no Rock holds on - side Russian legsweep - leg is hooked, but only 2 from referee "Blind" Earl Hebner. Kane puts Rock in the corner, right, right, right, Rock switches positions, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! I'm pretty sure that spit punch is called "laying the smack down" because they ALWAYS seem to say that right after he hits it. Still, Kane manages to shrug it off and scoop up Rock for a powerslam. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Crowd FINALLY comes alive with a "Rock E" chant. Kane picks him up - and puts him down with a right. Vertical suplex by Kane. 1, 2, nope. Ready to go again...Rock blocks, right (more of a slap), right, right, off the ropes...and into a sidewalk slam from Kane. Kane goes outside...
going up..."my feet hit the canvas first but we'll still cal it a"
flying clothesline...for 2. Ross can try to sell it as much as he wants -
YOU know and *I* know Rock ain't layin' down for that silly-ass
clothesline. Rock comes back with a right, right, Kane blocks, right sends
Rock staggering. Into the ropes, reversed, Rock holds on for a Samoan
Drop. Both men down...Kane up at 5. Rock blocks the right and throws one
of his own. And again. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right,
into the ropes is reversed, Rock with a flying clothesline - Kane gets up.
Rock with a gutshot and DDT...for 2. Rock back on him, gutshot, into the
ropes is reversed, and reversed again - Rock collides with Hebner. OH BOY
LET THE SCREWIN' BEGIN Kane scoops up Rock - but this time, he breaks free,
ducks a clothesline, spinebuster. People's Elbow. Oh, hey...no ref.
Somebody actually threw a bottle of beer in the ring during the Elbow?
That's a waste of a perfectly good beer! Rock tries to revive Hebner - but
Kane's up in the meantime. CHOKESLAM! Kane hooks the leg...Hebner slowly
over to make his trademark slow count...1......2.....shoulder up. Kane
expresses his displeasure. Uppercut. Right. Into the ropes, Rock holds on
and reverses - Rock Bottom! 1...2...SHOULDER UP! Rock clotheslines him
out of the ring, head to the commentary table is reversed, Rock's head off
the steps, over the barricade we go - punching away, Kane with a right,
right, "American Badass" starts up and THE GHOST RIDER rolls down
Why? Who knows. Kane decides to leave Rock in the crowd and head back to
the ring. 'Taker has to park his bike because he forgot to do that trick
where the ring steps magically stand on end so he can drive around.
Instead, HE hits the ring, where he delivers a soupbone, Kane right,
Undertaker soupbone, Kane right, Undertaker soupbone, soupbone, soupbone,
soupbone, into the ropes is reversed, ducking a clothesline, chokeslam!
Hebner apparently misses ALL this because that Kid Rock song probably plays
ALL THE TIME during matches without meaning ANYTHING. Rock and Hebner are
finally back to the ring - cover - 1, 2, NO! Kane rushes at the Rock - no,
second Rock Bottom - 1, 2, 3. (8:09) That was a very
ECW-esque main event, wasn't it? Undertaker rides back up - but looks
back...spits...credits are up...see ya.
Last WWF logo
Gosh, we never DID see Stephanie.