/18 September 2000
WWF RAW is WAR
QUICK QUOTE: WWFE 22 ( + 9/64) - we'll see how the court decision affects
the price (IF it does)
TONIGHT: Unforgiven is six days away - how will it be affected? Here's a Triple H/Kurt Angle graphic, here's a Fatal 4-Way Championship graphic. Great, two graphics for Unforgiven and none for tonight? Stick around!
TV-14-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
Opening (close captioned! The show, not the) Credits
PYRO! MORE PYRO! SIGNS! MORE SIGNS! It must be LIVE from the Allstate Area in Chicago, IL 18.9.2K (and WWF New York) - we got a pay-per-view coming up, and broadcast for the last Monday on the USA Network (but on TSN *forever*), this is the World Wrestling Federation and tonight...RAW...IS..WAR!
STEPHANIE ONO gets first entrance. Tonight: Rikishi vs. Eddie Guerrero! Dudley Boyz vs. Right to Censor! All four participants in the Fatal Four-Way will show up! And we might mention Stone Cold Steve Austin a time or a thousand. Meanwhile, Stephanie has been patiently hitting her one pose in the ring while waiting for her turn to speak. And here it comes. "I've come out here tonight to put an end to something that should have ended a long time ago. Now, I know that I am a very *special* woman. And, and that men have been vying for my affection all my life. But this, what's going on right now, has gone too far. My life changed in the month of November, 1999 - what an amazing month it was for me! It - it wasn't, however, such a good month for Stone Cold Steve Austin. Who was..very tragically run over by an automobile, but I have nothing to do with that. That *was* the month, however, that I married the greatest man a girl could ever marry - The Game, Triple H! And ironically, it was the same month that my good friend Kurt Angle made his debut here in the WWF. That's what makes what is happening now, only ten months later, so inconceivable to me. I mean, what's going on between my husband and my good friend is..it's petty, it's ugly. And, and it's a brutal mess! ["Slut!"] That's why I'm asking Commissioner Mick Foley to come out here and...and cancel the match between Triple H and Kurt Angle scheduled for this Sunday at Unforgiven, because if this match is to continue...["Foley!"]... Thank you, if this match is to continue, then I would be a very UNhappy woman! And, and Mick, I can assure you that none of these people here in this arena, nobody at home, and no one close to me would EVER want to see me unhappy!" But it's not Foley coming out next...it's KING KURT ANGLE. Stephanie expresses some surprise at his appearance. "Steph, I just wanna say how much I admire your courage. To be able to come out here, in front of a roughneck city like Chicago - oh, it's ture, it's true, instead of staying at home and watching, say the Olyumpic Games (which is where I won these prestigious gold medals four years ago by the way, yeah take a look), Steph, that really says a lot about you. But this match at Unforgiven has to take place as scheduled, it has to, Steph, because if I don't do something. ["Ass hole!"] If I don't teach Triple H a lesson when I have the opportunity, you're gonna be a lot unhappier than you are right now. And believe me, Steph, even last November, when I debuted at Survivor Series, which happens to be the night that Stone Cold Steve Austin got run over - but it was just a coincidence (it's true, it's true), even back then I knew that Triple H was a bad guy. Oh yeah. And Steph, I understand that I'm the one recovering from a concussion. But Steph, you seem to be the one who's lost her memory. Now, Steph, I'm not going to say another word...if you don't see what I'm trying to say, if you don't see what I'm trying to do, then I will walk out of here like the Chicago Bears last night - a humbled, defeated loser. It's true! Please show the footage." Set to "My Time," here's a Special Video Look of Triple H teaching Trish how to wrestle, hugging Chyna, elbowing Stephanie, decking Stephanie, tossing furniture, and Stephanie crying. Strategic edits make sure that every blow happens in time with the rhythm. "Now Steph, I'm sorry I had to show you that...again. And maybe the first time was an accident. Maybe the second time was a pure coincidence. But the third, fourth, and fifth times, I don't think so. I mean, Steph - Triple H has to be the most pathetic excuse for a human being that I've ever known. But Steph, and I mean this, if you just say the word, I will walk out of here. Just say the word and I'll do it, Steph." Now the music starts up again and this time it's because THE NEW MAN has made his way out...and down the aisle...and into the ring. Ross sneaks in another "last broadcast on USA" during his entrance. "Y'know, Kurt, you must think I'm an idiot. D'ya think I don't know what goes on in this company, still? You know, you put together a little package - I knew about your little package, you see, so - I do mean little package, too - hehe - but ya know, Kurt, I made a few phone calls of my own. I called my good friend Dick Ebersol over at NBC. I got Dick to throw together a little package of my own that I'm gonna show you in a minute..but y'know, Kurt, when I, I started to watch the video here before the night's events, I couldn't help but think to myself...maybe I was wrong about Kurt Angle! Maybe this whole thing is just a great big misunderstanding. Y'see, because it started to dawn on me - Kurt, you are a thirty-year-old...prime of your life...physical specimen of a man. You could be defined as a stud. But yet, in front of you stands a complete beauty. (Stephanie hits her one pose) The face of an angel - the hair, the body, the personality - she is the total package - Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, quite frankly, could be the perfect woman. But yet, you stand in front of her and look at her every week and say 'I just wanna be her...*friend.*' Now what kind of a guy stands in front of a hot woman and just wants to be her....*friend?*" "What are you tryin' to say?" "I mean, you'd like to be...*friends* with Steph. You'd like to hang out with Steph...you'd like to, maybe, go shopping for drapes with Steph. Hey, Kurt, look - don't get upset, okay? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. This is the year 2000 - alternative lifestyles are perfectly acceptible in this day and age! Kurt, if you're batting off the other side of the plate for the rest of us, that's okay! And I understand - Kurt, I can understand you're upset right now, okay?
Maybe national television wasn't a good place for me to call you
out on this, but it explains a lot, Kurt - all the looks ya been givin' me
and the little smirks? I mean, who are you trying to get close to here?
Listen, I wanna show you this footage. Kevin Dunn, roll this footage,
maybe this'll help us with this mystery. Y'see, here is Kurt Angle, the
1996 Olympics - Atlanta. That's an interesting position...and, and here's
Kurt hugging the referee, and here's all the Angle women crying - here's
Kurt crying and his mom and his sister...Kurt, hold on, now hey, there's
nothing wrong with a man crying, there's nothing wrong with that - it
doesn't make you a...sissy. Kurt, hold on, because you have, y'know that
was the, y'know, hey in the moment of victory, things get emotional, I
know. Y'know, and emotions run high. Let's see what happened after you
had plenty of time to calm down and get yourself collected after you won
the medal. There's Kurt stepping up to the podium to accept his Olympic
gold." H makes sobbing noises to the picture of Angle crying. "'Thank
you...ahhh thank you all...' Now, forgive me if I'm wrong, but... ["sis
see - sis see - sis see"] Now Kurt, forgive me if I'm wrong - that was
very emotional for you, I understand that - but Kurt, maybe it's time,
y'know? Maybe it's time for you to come to terms with your true feeling -
maybe it's time for you to admit it to yourself, Kurt - maybe it's time to
open the closet door, Kurt..." Before we can get the punchline,
McFOLEY comes out to wreck everything. H demurely
raises a finger to his lips and ponders. "Fo Ley!" "All right...Triple H,
I grew up in a family of amateur wrestlers. I may not have been on Kurt
Angle's level, but I myself was an amateur wrestler. And Kurt Angle, may
I say that nobody has more respect for what you did for your country in
the '96 Olympics then Commissioner Mick Foley...but all the same, Triple
H, heh, let's take another look at that footage." As it rolls again,
Foley and H both make sobbing noises. "Now, I have a special request for
the fans here tonight - would somebody please get Kurt Angle a damn
Kleenex! Undoubtedly, Kurt, undoubtedly, you represented the United
States in the 1996 Olympics - you were a member of the United States
Olympic team. What I'm wondering in the year 2000 is...what team are you
playing for now?" Foley and H make mutual "comme ci comme ca" hand
motions. "Now, Steph, Steph...nobody wants to see this little...triangle
break up more than I do, and that is why the match at Unforgiven between
Kurt Angle and Triple H has got to take place! And it's why I have made
myself the Special Guest Referee. But as far as you two guys trying to
tear each other apart tonight, well, that's not going to happen. But that
doesn't mean that you three can't see action right here tonight in
Chicago, Illinois! You see, this very strange, happy family will see
action when the team of T&A and Trish Stratus...face Triple H, Kurt
Angle...and you, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley! Thank you very much...and
have a nice day!" Triple H takes his wife's hand...and waves his fingers
to Angle with the other. He actually blows him kisses!
Meanwhile, Steven Richards rallies his troops in their upcoming match against the Dudley Boyz - they are cut short when the Acolytes storm them. Hey, perhaps it ISN'T a good idea to be only two when going up against four. After Venis helps to turn the tide in their favour, the RTC leave them laying...I mean, "censored." Their match is NEXT! As in the pre-game promo, Ross is cut off in mid-sentence - always an interesting way to hear him...
Chyna shills Stacker 2....but keeps her clothes on
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ v. WALL BUCHANAN & GOODFATHER (with Steven Richards & Bald Venis...and Moments Ago) - "Last broadcast on USA Network - Stone Cold will be on TNN" Buh-Buh Ray and Buchanan start - lockup, Buchanan knee, forearm, right left right left right, right, right, right, it's all Buchanan. Into the opposite corner, boot up, clothesline by Dudley, shot for Goodfather, shot for Venis, scoop...and a slam for Buchanan. "Wassup" spot. Yeah, it's already been a whole FIFTY seconds, why not. D-Von testifies. Must be time to ask for the table. See, we're obviously running late ALREADY - I guess. Venis and Richards get some shots in as they go for the table (and, of course, behind the back of referee "Blind" Jim Korderas). D-Von put back in for a clothesline. Stomp. Tag, into the ropes, double boot. "We want table!" Head to the buckle. Whip into the opposite corner, clothesline follows. Buchanan in - whip into the opposite corner is reversed, D-Von manages a flying jalapeno. Ross says that the WWF has sold out this arena for every appearance since 1979. Umm, this Arena isn't that old! Lawler: "Did you say '97 or '79?" Ross: "'97." Oh my! Oh my! Clothesline by D-Von and both men are down. Hot tag to Buh-Buh Ray! Clothesline, clothesline, scoop...and a slam. Goodfather in, big sidewalk slam for him. Gutshot for Buchanan, DDT. Cover - 1, 2, Goodfather breaks it up - D-Von in and it's breaking down. D-Von takes control and whips Goodfather into a backdrop from Buh-Buh Ray. Double neckbreaker for Buchanan. Korderas distracted onto the ropes by Venis, allowing Richards to get into the ring and Stevenkick Buh-Buh Ray. Buchanan manages to drape an arm over him, and Korderas turns back - 1, 2, 3. (3:06) D-Von comes in to lay into Buchanan but the four swarm the two and it's a numbers game again.
THIS time, however, the brawl is cut short
when the ACOLYTES run out to join the fray. Pier Eight brawl ensues and
the good folk quickly make short work of the bad folk. These guys are
drinking buddies, right? Play the Acolytes' music!
Hey, look! It's the Rock! And he's WALKING! This is his last USA Network appearance on Monday night! Ross is cut off yet again. Sensing a pattern?
IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLL means another entrance and another no-wrestling segment, no doubt. Smart money says that we'll see Benoit, Kane, and Undertaker enter soon - also, Ross will say "final appearance on USA" before Rock utters a word. Lawler sneaks in a TNN - oh well, good enough. "Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to Chicago!" "Rock E!" Giant pause for the Rock's ego. "You know, the Rock realises that people respond to losing in many different ways - some respond well, while others respond very...poorly. Undertaker, let's all take a look at what your response was." Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! as Undertaker puts Rock through a table after losing a table match to the Dudleyz. Another big pause. Does Rock forget his lines or something? "Now Undertaker, the Rock has never liked you - he probably never will - but that fact of the matter is this, is that the Rock has always respected you, he's ALWAYS...respected you. Now Undertaker, the Rock understands that you were angry about goin' through the table on Thursday night. The Rock understands that you're angry that the Rock is the champion and you are not. But Undertaker, instead of chokeslammin' the Rock through the table, if you wanted a shot at the Rock, all you had to do...was ask. If you wanted a shot at the Rock's WWF title this Sunday night at Unforgiven, all you had to do...was ask. But Undertaker, seeing as you've already got your shot at Unforgiven, if you wanted a shot at the Rock's WWF title tonight....all you have to do...is ask. So Undertaker, this is how the Rock is gonna put it down. Undertaker, the Rock says you come on out here, and whether you come out as the American Badass, whether you come out as the Phenom, whether you come out as the Lord of Darkness, or the lord of monkey (beep), it doesn't matter to the Rock! Undertaker, the only thing that matters is that you come on out and whether we do this now, an hour from now, thirty-seven minutes from now, the fact of the matter is you come on out so the Rock can whip that candyass all over Chicago!" HEY HEY HEY HEY here comes the American Badass to give props to his peeps - he must be taken by surprise as he's without a Beautiful Titan Bike to haul himself down to ringside! I have a sneaky feeling that before anything results from this staredown, we'll have to have another entrance...nope, I'm wrong; the Reaper has the stick. "You know, I'm standing back there, and I couldn't help but overhear you say how you respected the Undertaker. Let me remind you why you should respect the Undertaker, because back when you were in high school, in the back seat of your daddy's car, trying to get some out of old Mary Jane Rottencrutch...I was humping these roads, and I was winnin' WWF titles. But, you got to tell me - who in the hell are you to call me out? You know, there's just some people, they never learn, and I guess the People's champ never learns either. I told you Thursday night at SmackDown! - don't (beep) me off. Then what do you do? You leave me hangin' in the ring, and the Dudleyz put me through the damn table. So Rock...that (beep) me off. So you can stand out here, you can lift all the eyebrows you want, you can talk about all the monkey's nipples you want, hell you can even fantasize about shoving things up people's asses, I don't give a damn. But you called me out, boy. I just hope that you can back up the smack your mouth's spewing out. 'cause let me remind you somethin'. Although I don't dress like Satan anymore, I'm still down with the devil, and I will go medieval on your ass!" Phew, here comes COMMISSIONER McFOLEY to put a stop to all this...excitement. "Hey! Now just a second, before you two go to tearing each other apart before what I consider one of the most important pay-per-views in recent history, let me spell out the rules of the Fatal Four-way at Unforgiven. You see, it's very simple. Four men enter the ring and they all wrestle at the same time. Whoever gets the pin wins, and whoever wins the match really wins, because that person becomes the next WWF Champion. That means, Rock, you do not have to lose the match to lose the WWF Championship. Now, as far as the two of you tearing each other apart, if you think I came out here to prevent that, you couldn't be more wrong. Undertaker, Rock, you want a part of each other, you got it - the Undertaker and the Rock - right here in Chicago, Illinois!" CHRIS BENOIT is quickly out to...well, whatever it is he's out to do. The WORLD Entrance Federation! "If anyone deserves a shot at the title tonight, that would be me - the world's greatest technical wrestler, and that's just the way it is! The WWF title is gonna be on the line, then *I* will be the one fighting for it, because there's no one standing in the ring, or anyone in the back that can prove me wrong. I'M the one that deserves a shot at the title tonight!" Hey, look - WELL IT'S KANE and "by the numbers" quickly comes to mind.
"What makes you think you deserve the Rock? What
makes you think you deserve the WWF title? I deserve a title shot, and I'm
the ONLY one who does! Rock, you're mine." "Wait a second, wait a second
- I didn't say anything about a title shot - the Rock did. Now, the Rock
is capable of many things - he's capable of electrifying a crowd...he is
capable of creating a catchphrase that I can steal...hell, the Rock is even
capable of wearing that shirt and getting away with it! But the Rock is
not capable of making a title shot - *I* am. The title will be on the line
at Unforgiven, but seeing as how you two want a piece of each other so bad,
I'm saying tonight the two of you will go man-to-man in this very ring. So
that's how it's going to be...Benoit versus Kane and the Undertaker versus
the Rock!" Kane and Benoit promptly start brawling on the outside - hey, I
think he meant LATER, guys. Rock and Undertaker are content to look on -
comes out and somehow manages to get these two separated.
But Benoit DOES get in a chair shot on Kane. Lawler: "That's technical
wrestling for ya!" Meanwhile, in the ring, it's a big-time staredown in
the ring - Chioda and White encourage them to let it go...but as this
Earlier Today, from the Playboy Mansion, Hugh Hefner says that "despite the boyfriend's objections, you're gonna see Chyna in the next issue of Playboy as you've never seen her before. We're proud to have her in our pages, and I think the fans are really gonna be looking forward to this feature."
Back to the locker room, where Guerrero is using Chyna's breasts as a pillow. He falls over himself to apologise...he doesn't know WHAT he was thinking! "I mean, look, you're so beautiful - EVERYBODY deserves to ... just...look at you and ...enjoy you." "I already forgave you, baby." Chyna brings up Eddie's match with Rikishi, and he immediately starts coughing. Could be the way he's trying to choke out "be more supportive," "I should respect you," and so on. "Are you gonna be able to face Rikishi tonight?" "Yeah, don't worry - I don't know - maybe it's something I ate or something, Mami, I'm feeling a little queasy..." Chyna goes to get him something to drink...
When we come back, Kane and Benoit (final USA - next week TNN) are brawling out on the aisle. Kane presses Benoit through the ropes, and the bell rings - well, hell, I guess it's on!
WELL IT'S KANE v. CHRIS BENOIT - talk quickly turns to Stone Cold Steve Austin's return...next week. Benoit kicks away, double choke by Kane, into the corner, right, right, right, uppercut, into the opposite corner, sidewalk slam...no wait, swinging him up into the tombstone position, but we know he'd never hit THAT move - Benoit backs up and falls back to his feet - trying a waistlock, but Kane hits a back elbow. Sidewalk slam. Clubbing forearm. Into the ropes, Benoit slides under, dropkick swatted away. Kane off the ropes, elbowdrop misses. Benoit dropkicks the shin and Kane gets to limpin'. Uppercut by Kane. Headbutt. Into the ropes, Benoit ducks the back elbow, but Kane puts on the choke. Benoit kicks away towards a charley horse and succeeds in getting the choke broken. Off the ropes, tumbling under a kick, and Benoit dropkicks the BACK of the knee, putting him down. Benoit drives the knee into the mat. TNN next week! Stone Cold Steve Austin next week! Benoit drapes the leg across the bottom rope and sits on the knee. Another buttdrop on the knee. Benoit drops an elbow on the back of the knee. Benoit kicks, kicks, Kane throws a desperation enzuigiri and both men are down. Kane with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, Benoit hooks the next attempt and tries a backslide - this doesn't work. Kane clotheslines him down. Sign: "CHEAP SMARK FACE POPS = PHIL MUSHNICK SUCKS!" Into the ropes, big boot. Into the corner hard, Benoit avoids the charge and Kane's shoulder hits. Benoit grabs the arm but Kane drives a knee in the gut and tosses him. Benoit pulls him out after him, right, right, Kane with a knee, dropping Benoit on the barricade, stomp. Referee "Blind" Jack Doan not having much luck getting this back in the ring. Benoit gets bleeped and grabs the bell on his way back. Kane grabbing Benoit - who swings the bell backwards and onto Kane's head. (DQ call it 3:52 - obviously, no bell) Another bell shot. Benoit drops Doan - and a leg on Kane. Benoit up top for the swandive headbutt...which hits! Kane with the zombie situp - hit his music! Benoit decides that discretion is the better part of...something or other, and walks off. Kane points a finger.
T&A&T are WALKING! Trish: "Triple H and Angle fighting - poor little Stephanie may be left with no protection." Albert: "Has she ever used protection?" Test: "Tonight, she should."
Meanwhile, H tells his wife that all she needs to do is stay away from Test and Albert - he knows she can take care of Trish if it comes up. Stephanie makes a big deal out of Foley and how she can't believe what he's thinking. She never got her return match for the title, but she doesn't want to wrestle tonight. Angle comes in and joins them. "Listen, as your little sissy boy Kurt - ohh. Hey, the girls' room is down the hall." "Ha ha. Real funny." "You're not gonna cry, are ya?" "Hey, I have something to say to Steph. Steph, I just want you to know that I'll be out there to protect you. Steph, if anyone comes near ya, I'll be on them in an Olympic second. And Hunter, try to go a week without 'accidentally' hitting your wife, okay?" "Try to go a match without hitting on me, okay?" Remember: FUNNY = FACE TURN!!
Chyna's still selling that Stacker 2
In the local slot, we get an ad for the WWF Live event at the San
Jose Arena on Saturday, 7 October. If I had the inclination, I'd take JR
up on his "the rumour that we blow off non-wwf.com websites is TOTALLY
KING KURT ANGLE (with the WWF.com logo and snippets of Kurt's video package) and THE NEW MAN & STEPHANIE ONO (with TNN hype, 1996 Olympics clips, RAW credits and Olympic disclaimer) v. T&A & TRISH STRATUS - the fitness model (with TV-14-DLV ratings box) in hot, steamy intergender action - Hey, just in case you were interested, "This program has been produced with the permission of the International Olympic Committee and the consent of the United States Olympic Committee prusuant to the Ted Stevens Olympic and Amateur Sports Act. 36 U.S.C. 220506." See what you have to do to use Olympic footage in your show? Coming up, the Undertaker and the Rock - LIVE! Trish makes faces at Stephanie - and gets shoved down. Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda manages to convince the four men to follow the basic tag rules here, at least at the start. It's Triple H and Albert, and Albert has little problem tossing H into the corner. Two more signs while I'm here. "STEPH NEEDS STACKER 2" and "SKINNER FAN CLUB." Okay, that'll do us for now. Albert with a right. Into the ropes, duck, high knee by H. Tag to Test. H walks over to HIS corner with a dainty gait and playfully slaps Angle on the shoulder. Angle with the whole "what's up with that" look - then eating a right from Test, right, right, into the ropes, Angle ducks, waistlock, nice German release suplex. Tag to H - Angle holds back the arms for the open shot, but H is content to point out that his genitals are in close proximity to Test's ass. Angle lets go. RC Edge provides a Double Feature of Stephanie's shove. H right, right, right, into the opposite corner, boot up by Test, running out but into a clothesline from Triple H. Tag to Angle, H holds him (to the side, mind you) for an open shot. Test with a right, right, Angle ducks the next one and hits a death suplex. Right hand by Angle. Words for H...missing the tag going on behind his back - when Angle turns around, he takes a big noisy clothesline from Albert. In the corner, kick, kick, kick, kick, into the opposite corner, Angle ducks the clothesline, Albert catches the punch, gutshot, double underhook, hoisting him up...holding him at the top...and wussing out by completing the suplex. Man, a brainbuster would have been SO cool there. Of course, Angle can't have another concussion for a while, so they daren't risk it. Tag to Test. Even LAWLER wanted a brainbuster there. Open shot, right, right, into the corner, foot up by Angle, right, right, right, right, into the ropes is held on, gutshot by Test, gutwrench and powerbomb. Another gutshot - going for the Meltdown but Angle uses the momentum to land on his feet. Gutshot, DDT. Replay of Albert's double underhook pickup. Both men are down. Angle crawling to his corner and ready to tag Triple H...but for some reason, he tags in Stephanie instead! Stephanie expresses surprise and H expresses annoyance. Trish smiles. Stephanie gingerly parts the ropes as Test beckons to her to get in the ring and come get her some. Triple H waylays Test with the blind shot. Head to the buckle, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, reversed, Test's clothesline misses, H hits the neckbreaker. Albert in, Albert out, Test puts H in the ropes, but H hits the facebuster. H hooks a leg and Chioda decides "well, to hell with the legal man, I might as well put on a count anyway." Even after I could have SWORN I heard H tell Chioda NOT to count. (Calling spots! Calling spots!) Albert pulls him out anyway - Angle in, Angle eating a pump kick. Albert kicks him outside and follows. Meanwhile, Stephanie gets in a slap on Test. Test is ready to pay her back, but Chioda holds him back. Is Chioda unfamiliar with the term "intergender rules" or something? He shoves her in the corner and calls out Trish. Trish power-strides over to the opposite corner and takes down Stephanie in a running bulldog. Maybe we should call her "Trish Wedgie." Test puts her in position and points a finger. He's going up for a Savage elbow!! H manages to crotch Test on the top - shove for Stratus off the apron onto the floor, which draws Chioda over to check on her. Behind his back, Triple H Pedigrees Test and rolls Stephanie on top - 1, 2, 3. (5:15) Both of them were legal, despite Chioda's SHODDY officiating. Big hugs between the spouses. Stephanie has her "I can't believe I got the pin (even though I'm a McMahon and I ALWAYS get the pin)" face on. Angle hits the ring and has an even BIGGER hug for Stephanie - and two, at that! H is over with a spear. Piston rights. Angle punched out of the ring. Stephanie holds him back as the rest of the refs come out to prevent any furthering of this encounter. What'll it be like on Sunday?
Moments Ago, Triple H saved the day, Stephanie got the pin, Kurt got some sugar,
and Triple H took exception - gosh, I guess he doesn't
*really* believe Angle's gay after all!
Back to our other pair of young lovers - Guerrero is huddled up in a blanket and doubling over in pain. Chyna says she'll get Foley and have him cancel tonight's match. "No no no, Mamacita, you can't do that. Look, I know besides me, you're the only one that can kick his butt, okay? You're not supposed to be fighting him okay, I just don't want...ooh, ooh my God." "Eddie, if you want me to take on Rikishi tonight, I will." Eddie perks up. "You would do that for me?" "Yes, I'd do that for you." "Ohhh, thank you Mamacita. Thank you. By the way, you need to hurry up, okay? You're next. And don't worry - I got your back."
Unforgiven promo - it's a Fatal Four-way main event! Hey, did what Foley say totally contradict what I kept hearing this weekend about Rock with having to get the pin OR be pinned? Sounds now like anybody can pin anybody. Maybe they'll straighten us out on that later...or Thursday...or maybe they'll just change their mind again and hope we didn't notice. Oops
WWF house show spot #2
Before LILIAN GARCIA can being introductions for the next match, out comes TAZZZZZ in bow tie and tails...it's STILL a vest, but it's got tails. Oh, no, wait - it's a tux jacket with the sleeves ripped off and "Thug Life Dead" on the back. It's a strap match Sunday between Lawler and Tazz at Unforgiven. "What's your name, honey?" "Lilian." "What's this, Lilian." "Nose." "What's in my hand, Lilian?" "Nothing?" "Exactly! Lilian nose nothing! AHHHHHhahahahahaha! Now get your ass out of here 'fore you get choked out. You got the night off, honey - GET. Coming down the aisle - she's chiseled - jacked - ripped - the 9th Wonder of the World - Chyna! ... And her opponent, weighing six thousand pounds from the waist down - Rikishi!"
BAZOOKA JO(ANI)E (without Bazooka) v. RIKASHMONEY - "Can you imagine what she's gonna look like in Playboy next Monday?" Ummm, no, I haven't even tried. Tazz takes position standing next to Lawler, making lots of noise and getting all up in Lawler's area. Before the match starts, out comes EDDIE GUERRERO, still wrapped in a comforter and acting cold...so cold... Chyna smiles broadly at the mere sight of Guerrero - shouldn't she be concerned about his health, instead? Rikishi looks up the aisle and decides to go up after him - right, right, into the STEEL steps, rolled into the ring. Into the corner, fat ass splash. Eddie flumps down. Admirably, he hasn't removed the comforter from his body yet. Before Rikishi can give him the stinkface, though, Chyna decides she'd better act - crappy elbow! Crappy elbow! Crappy elbow! Crappy elbow! Eddi finally springs up out of the corner, out of the comforter and maces Rikishi...then tells Chyna to come back with him. Chyna remains to check on Rikishi...too bad that he's blinded, as he picks up Chyna and gives her the Samoan Drop! Rikishi looks to Guerrero and tells him to come back in. Guerrero gives a "deer in headlights" look and stays rooted to the spot. Rikishi puts Chyna in position and dares Guerrero to save her. Guerrero does drop to his knees begging, but that's not enough. Banzai Drop! (Sorta - that's a BAD camera angle to catch all the daylight between Rikishi's ass and Chyna's rack) Rikishi takes off and NOW Guerrero hits the ring. Tazz: "Looks like to me the winner is Rikishi! RIKISHI! RIKISHI! AHHHHAHAHAHAHA! AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHHHHHHAHAHAHA!" Tazz is totally in Lawler's face - he's proactive! Guerrero slowly rolls Chyna out of the ring...
Hnmm, guess that's a big fat (No contest).
Here's a look at the beautiful exterior of the Allstate Arena - tonight's show if brought to you by RC Edge, Squaresoft's Parasite Eve II, and Right Guard Xtreme Sport!
"Hello, my name is STEVEN WILLIAM REGAL, and I am from Blackpool, in England! And it is my intention to become the goodwill ambassador to you, my friends, the American people. Now, I've noticed since being here that you, my American friends
don't have time for the most finer things
in life, most importantly manners. And I know you parents don't have the
time to teach your children the skills that they need to succeed in life,
so allow me. Now, a most important part of life is proper dining
etiquette! Here - here we have a basic table setting - some fine china -
crystal, linen, a flower, it doesn't have to be a rose, oh no! A pansy
will suffice. And the silverwar. Now, I know that you, my American
friends, get a little confused when there's more than one fork on the
table, but it's quite simple!" Ross: "I wonder what Stone Cold would do if
he were here right now, King." Me: "Probably tell you that now that he's
married Debra, he no longer needs *you* to SUCK HIS DICK, Ross." "You just
move from outside in - then, we come to the napkin - now, the napkin is not
your enemy, oh no - oh no.
It is not to be flung around, or crumpled up - it is to be placed
discretely on the lap. Now, if you need to use your napkin, use it
correctly - never wipe or smear - that is for another orifice. No, just
dab away the debris discretely--" The Y2J countdown interrupts proceedings,
and just in time - why yes, in case you forgot, this *is* the very venue
where CHRIS MONDAY
JERICHO made his debut. Sunday, Jericho will job
X-Pac again. "Welcome to RAW is JERICHO! And Steven William, or shall I
call you, Willie, I would like to osk you, no, I would like to demond of
you to please SHUT THE HELL UP! I mean, come on, man, this is your WWF
debut! You shouldn't be out there talking about manners, you should be
making an impact! And nobody knows more about making an impact in their
WWF debut, especially right here in Chicago...than Y2J! So what you need
to spice up this segment is a little action, you need a little excitement!
You need a little entertainment, so I'm gonna help you, junior, and I'm
gonna perform a special Y2J magic trick! I am gonna deftly grab this
tablecloth, pull it off the table, leaving all of the silverware, all of
the fine china, and all of the glassware untouched, unbroken, and most
importantly, none of it will touch the mat In This here Very Ring. SO! If
I can get from all of you Jerichoholics...if I - if I could get a drum roll
(slaps thigh) I will astonish and amaze you. Jericho goes to pull the
cloth...then wraps up everything on the table in it and throws the bundle
out to the floor. Regal gives us one of his classic facial expressions
that I've really missed. "I think you better use - some of those napkins
to clean--" but X-PAC
has appeared and puts some nunchuks to the back of
Jerichos's head. One more nice facial expression from Regal. Trademark
kick trifecta in the corner by X-Pac - 'pac takes the card table, places it
on Jericho, then stomps down and breaks it on him. Play his music! Tazz
yuks it up to Lawler. X-Pac does his Steve Blackman impersonation,
swinging the 'chuks. Here's a replay. When we come back live, we take a
look at Tazz Hibbert, still laughing heartily at everything around him. I
tell you, if Tazz keeps being entertaining, I'm gonna have to - ooh, it
makes me so ANGRY that they would try to make him ENTERTAINING! That's
*it!* I'm gonna have to start calling him "Pete"
Meanwhile, the Rock is pacing in his dressing room...
Let Us Take You Back To SmackDown! Once Again, as Undertaker and Rock have some issues. Undertaker 3D through a table - Rock chokeslammed through a table.
TONIGHT: The Undertaker vs. The Rock!
Chyna Stacker 2 let's move on
Let Us Take You Back to Survivor Series '99, where a car did something to somebody. I'm hungry.
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: TOO COOL v. EDGE & CHRISTIAN - "Coming to the ring, from wherever the hell they're from - combined weight, 132 pounds - TWO - FOOLZ! ... And the tag team champions, these guys are hilarious, from someplace in Canada - Edge and Christian! (to Lawler) Tag team champs!" Sign in crowd: "OJ HIT AUSTIN" Edge and Sexay tie up, side headlock by Sexay, into the ropes, shoulderblock by Sexay...up and over, leapfrog by Edge, Sexay slides under, gutshot, right, right, right, head to the buckle, snapmares him over, tag to Hotty, time to make a wish. Pattycake double elbowdrop. This Sunday, Rikishi takes on Eddie Guerrero for the intercontinental championship! Edge manages to go to the eyes and tag Christian. Gut shot, arm wringer, Hotty reverses to a side headlock, Christian powers out, shoulderblock by Hotty. Lawler tells Tazz he needs a Tic-Tac the size of a watermelon, and Tazz laughs hysterically. "WATERMELON! AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH" I call him "Pete." Off the ropes, Christian leapfrog, Hotty gutshot, smilin' suplex, moonwalk. "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, into the ropes is reversed, Edge puts a knee in the back, Hotty pops HIM one, but turns back to eat a spinning heel kick from Christian. "End of a 17 year relationship with USA - next week, TNN - Stone Cold's gonna be there" Head to the buckle, kick, kick, kick, right, kick, blatant choke, into the opposite corner, Hotty gets a Lugz up. Back elbow, clothesline and both men are down. Sexay leads an "American Males" clap - tag to Edge - hot tag to Sexay! Right for Edge, right for Christian, scoop slams around, Edge's head to the buckle, Christian whipped into Edge, "uninentional headbutt to the groin" spot and Sexay does the Thriller. Gutshot, sitout powerbomb for Edge, 1, 2, Christian breaks it up. Christian puts Sexay in the corner, but he gets a foot up. Hotty in, there's a bulldog, and there's the Worm. Edge pulls Sexay to the outside while this goes on, then comes back in - in position for the spear, but Hotty avoids it and Edge ends up taking out Christian! Hotty with a DDT for Edge. Moving him into position as Sexay climbs the buckle and dons the goggles - Hip Hop Drop! Unfortunately, referee "Blind" Tim White fails to put on the count as he's busy telling Hotty that 's not the legal man
(that's a switch) as Christian brings a title belt
into the ring. Christian is clotheslined out and Hotty follows him - White
watches this while, behind his back, Edge waffles Sexay with the belt (0
stitches) and covers as White turns around to count the 1, 2,
"And the winners and still world tag team champions - Edge & Christian -
Christian - World Tag Team Champions - Edge - and - Christian -
AHHHahahahahahaha - AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA - AHHHAHAHAHA - AHHHAHAHAH - STILL -
TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS - AHHHAHAHAHAHA" - security and Tony Garea finally
escort Tazz out. Yeah, Tazz looks like he's having no fun AT ALL
Undertaker limbers up - and spits chaw
Stone Cold is back at Unforgiven - and here's a witty spot to remind us of that fact. See, this here football team is so engrossed in trying to figure out who ran down Austin that they keep committing delay of game penalties! Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY
Hey, gotta get in that look at WWF New York - and inside, who do we see? It's NUDEON!
COMMISSIONER McFOLEY is out again. "Thank you. I know you've seen me out here a lot tonight, and I promise I'm going to be brief. But I had to come out because I feel like we here at the WWF are being ignored. Despite the fact that we have registered eighty thousand new voters - despite the fact that millions of fans watch SmackDown! each and every week - George W. Bush and Al Gore have refused to acknowledge the SmackDown! challenge. So George, Al, what I'm asking you very nicely is to please forget about the special interest groups, forget about the oil money, forget about the entertainment money, and do what's right for this country! If you really care about the United States of America, and you really care about the voters in this country, please - come talk to us on SmackDown! because WWF fans truly are the heart of this country. Have a nice day." Foley's a whore.
WWFVote.com graphic sez: over 80,000 voters registered - how can they be continue to be ignored? Well, let me put it this way - why didn't they extend this kind invitation to Harry Browne, hmmm? Why not REALLY show that you can influence an election by helping to bring out the Libertarian vote, hmmm? Trust me, THEY'D have no problem with allowing the WWF to run events with no drug testing, blood loss for all, and no need for such a thing as a minimum wage - it'd be right up your alley! No, the reason is that the WWF wants to be able to say they had an impact on the election...and you can be DAMN sure they'll say so, no matter WHO wins. That's why they're only backing the two men that they feel sure have a chance of winning. Too bad we can't get enough people to see that there are more choices out there...okay, enough of that.
The Lugz Boot of the Week is that SmackDown! tablage we've seen ALL NIGHT
CHRIS BENOIT has joined our commentators, LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER, at ringside.
HEY HEY HEY HEY (on his Beautiful Titan Bike - with the WWF.com logo) v. IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLL in a nontitle match - Holy crap! SOMEHOW those STEEL steps have managed to stand on end and magically transport themselves to the barricade! RC Edge presents Unforgiven THIS Sunday from Philleh! Stone Cold Steve Austin will be there, you know. Benoit actually putting over Rock a bit, here. Lockup, Undertaker shoves him down. Lockup, Rock put in the corner, soupbone left soupbone left soupbone soupbone back elbow. Into the opposite corner, big-time sidewalk slam...gets 2. Head to the buckle. Soupbone! Into the opposite corner hard - Rock puts up an elbow to meet the charge - right, right, right, into the ropes, clothesline. Undertaker throws Rock through the ropes and goes out after him. Soupbone! After Lawler and Benoit both say anybody can pin anybody, Ross contradicts them, going back to what was said over the weekend about Rock having to be involved in the decision. I'm so confused about this...I *do* hope they make up their minds by the time the match starts. Rock put into the steps by the Reaper. Soupbone! Soupbone! There's a back elbow. Put up against the post, but Rock sidesteps and 'taker gives a soupbone to the cold STEEL instead. Rock coming back - right, right, right, right, right, right,
NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! Undertaker falls backwards
across the commentary table... and Rock decides, how about a nice low blow?
Benoit: "Is that what the Rock has do resort to? Is that what the Rock is
aboot?" Back in the ring we go, Rock with a (wait for it) right - into the
ropes, reversed, Rock hits referee "Blind" Earl Hebner and down he goes.
Rock right, right, into the ropes, head down, 'Taker drops him with a DDT.
Cover...but no Hebner. 'Taker picks him up and measures a soupbone. Into
the ropes is reversed, head down, Rock hits the spinebuster anyway! Time
now for the People's Elbow. Leg is hooked, but Hebner STILL ain't movin'.
Rock nudges Hebner with a foot - back to the Undertaker - but he catches
him in a choke - CHOKESLAM! Hebner starts a really slow , dramatic
crawl....1.......2...... kickout! Undertaker gives Hebner a verbal
beatdown, then turns around. Rock tries the Rock Bottom...but Undertaker
back elbows out of that attempt - off the ropes, gutshot, Last Ride
Wedgiebomb! 1, 2, 3! (4:23) UNDERTAKER
RULES!!! HEY HEY HEY HEY!!!
Here's a replay. WELL IT'S
KANE interrupts the post-match with a run-in -
as he hits the ring, Benoit pops up and *also* hits the ring, taking out
Undertaker from behind. Kane and Benoit now work *together* on Undertaker.
Crowd chanting for...Rock E. Bah. Of course, Rock is still out from the
Last Ride and trying to "recover" in the corner. Finally he's pulling
himself up and joining the fray - bunches o' rights for Kane (culminating,
of course, in the Laying the Smack Down spit punch), putting him outside
while Undertaker puts Benoit outside - then Undertaker turns back to eat
Rock Bottom! Play Rock's music! ("You won't pin ME without INSTANT
revanche!") Credits are up - one final WWF logo - and that's it. Rip that
USA logo off the EntertainmentTron and put it up for auction - we'll see ya
next week... on TNN! YEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAA - COUNTRY DOT COM!
Stay tuned for Lil' Kim's body parts!