/9 October 2000
WWF RAW is WAR
There's a rumour - only a rumour, mind you - that CRZ MAY be
a guest of the Ron and Fez show
tonight, provided (1) they are talking about wrestling and (2) their
producer and I actually stop playing phone tag and *talk* to each other.
No promises, but if you've got nothing better to do tonight, tune in the
show! (Visit the website to see if you get them locally - in my neck of
the woods, it airs via four hours of tape delay on KYCY 1550)
QUICK QUOTE: WWFE 14 5/8 (- 7/8)
TONIGHT: Austin got hit by a car - take a look! Mick Foley has GUARANTEED we'll know who was behind the wheel! Ha, you thought they'd let you in on a match or two - SILLY YOU
TV-14-DLV-CC One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
SmackDown! Highlight Reel includes RAW highlights - how many times can you reheat something before it stops tasting like food? Triple H, Stephanie, Angle, Benoit, Austin, Foley, go read the SmackDown! report - I got no TIME for ya
Opening Credits - I don't know what The Rick was talking about on Thursday; it's OBVIOUS they're singing "Why am I the thorn in your eye?"
PYRO! And PYRO! And....EVERYBODY brings a sign! WE ARE LIVE from the Arrowhead Pond at Anaheim in Anaheim, CA 9.10.2K - it may only be 6 o'clock on the west coast, but they're STILL jam-packed to the rafters here - and at WWF New York - because tonight, the driver WILL be revealed...tonight, on RAW - IS - WAR! (Transmitido en espanol - SAP - hey Telemundo, THANKS for rescheduling Metal without telling me - bastards)
Here comes COMMISSIONER McFOLEY for 38 minutes or so. While we have a minute, Ross lets some matches slip - Rock and Rikishi vs. Angle and Kane, Triple H and Jericho vs. Benoit and X-Pac - huh? "Well...(boos)...I see that some of you are cheering me, and some of you are not...which means, apparently some of you realise why I did what I had to do Thursday night...and some of you don't. Now I wanna be real clear, I enjoy getting cheap pops from audiences around the country, but not at the expense of doing my job correctly. So do I think I was justified in suspending Stone Cold on Thursday, you're damn right I do. But am I going to let the fact that he gave me a Stone Cold Stunner and embarrassed me for a second time (cheers) on national television prevent me from doing my job, you're damn right I'm not. Now I promised on Sunday night that I would deliver the person responsible, and whether you all want to believe it, or whether Stone Cold wants to believe it, I am on his side, and I have spared no expense to bring in a very important person here tonight. Somebody who, like Stone Cold Steve Austin, is a fellow Texan. Somebody who's been hanging a little bit low - somebody who, like Stone Cold Steve Austin, is a former WWF Champion - hell, he's one of the greatest competitors to ever step inside this ring. Some of you know him as the former WWF Commissioner - some of you know him as the Heartbreak Kid...ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you tonight...Mister SHAWN MICHAELS!" Well lookee here, it's Mr. Whyspyr in the flesh...himself, tight pants, black cowboy hat, sleeveless shirt unbuttoned to the navel - sure, he's got a wife and a kid, but LOOK at him. "Shawn Michaels, as the new WWF Commissioner, let me say welcome to Anaheim, California, my fellow...my fellow broken down, washed up wrestler." "Damn glad to be here, Mick." "Now listen, Shawn, out of respect for you and everything you've done in this ring, I'm not going to come out here and accuse you of running down Stone Cold Steve Austin - what I am going to do, however, is present you with the opportunity to explain just you - where you were and what you did on the night that Stone Cold was run down by that automobile." "Well, gee, Mick, you go through the trouble of flying me out here (first class, by the way), set me up in a five star hotel, you dust off the old HBK music...but still, nonetheless, you do it while accusing me of running down Stone Cold Steve Austin. Now being the guy I am, Mick, I'm not only gonna tell you what I did that night, hell, I'm gonna tell you what I did the whole damn day. Now you're gonna have to bear with me, as I'm sure you can understand this head's taken a lot of chairshots, so I might be a bit foggy. Now, I remember opening my eyes in bed, rolling over, and squeezing my white-hot wife on the butt and giving her a kiss on the cheek, good morning. Then, I got up, brushed my teeth, had a little breakfast, and let me see, did I jump on a plane, fly to Detroit, sneak into the Joe Louis Arena and run down Stone Cold Steve Austin? Now, you know my head isn't always there, Mick, but I think I'd remember if I ran down another human being - call me crazy! - but I'm telling ya, that thud on the bumper woulda jogged my memory. See, Mick, there's one problem with your scenario - the person you're lookin' for needs a motive. And, well, the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels sure as hell doesn't have one, but I wanna wish you all the luck in the world, and I hope you find your man." "Wait wait, just a second. You claim not to have a motive, maybe indeed you do need a little bit of refresher - let's take a look at the TitanTron - a little footage from WrestleMania two short years ago - going for the kick, but no - Stone Cold BAM a Stunner - BAM a Stunner - 1, 2, 3, and not only that, Shawn Michaels, when you were down, when you were out, when you had to legitimately pass the torch, he reaches down and offers a Stone Cold salute. So, Shawn, I say to you, do you have the motive? Let me remind you of a little something - you know a question I get asked just about more than everything else? I get asked what was *my* greatest match - everybody assumes it's Hell in the Cell with the Undertaker, every single time I say without fail it was Mick Foley and Shawn Michaels at Mind Games, September 1996. You know what their reaction is - 'uuh?' No one remembers 1996, Shawn - nobody appreciates the trail you blazed so that the WWF Superstars of today could rake in the cash - no one seems to care. And then, Shawn, if it had been me, if I'd rolled off a hospital bed, come to main event the WrestleMania, and not only passed the torch, but been awarded for of all that by having Stone Cold Steve Austin put his middle fingers in MY face, if all that had been done to me, I'll tell you what, Shawn - *I* woulda run the son of a bitch over! So you ask me for motive - I say, you look up at the screen, and when Stone Cold put his middle fingers in the your face, you've GOT your motive!" "Are you finished? First off, I don't ever want to see that on the screen again, and secondly, you've got a hell of a lotta nerve coming out here and saying what you just said. I guess it's time for the truth, isn't it, Mick--" "I would appreciate the truth - I think everybody here would appreciate the truth." "Fine, it's time for the whole world to hear...the #1 suspect Shawn Michaels - where was he that faithful night? I'll tell you where I was, Mick. I was sittin' at home...watchin' Survivor Series, thinking to myself, what in the hell has the World Wrestling Federation come to when guys are gettin' run down backstage? Now...do I like Stone Cold Steve Austin? No. But I don't hate him either. Now did I do it? I have to tell ya...if I did, I'd be the one guy doin' what I've always loved to do - be in the spotlight - I'd be the #1 guy once again, right here in the World Wrestling Federation, if I was the man that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin! And anybody that knows anything about me knows that I THRIVE on being #1 - I THRIVE on bein' in that spotlight. But I haveta tellya Mick - I'm ashamed to say it, but it wasn't me. But I got an idea about who it was. There's one guy here in the World Wrestling Federation that loves the spotlight as much as ol' HBK - hell, he loves it more than I ever did! He's young, he's hungry, he's successful, and he's got the whole world wrapped around his finger! Think about it, Mick....if ya smelllllalalalalalalala what I'm cookin'."
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Viscera* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Moments Ago, Shawn pointed the finger of suspicion at...somebody
WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: LITA v. JACQUELINE (with Let Us Take You Back One Week) with hardcore rules - Champ enters first because she doesn't have a long clip montage during her entrance - nor a shopping cart full of weapons. Jackie graciously stays at the top of the ramp while clips from RAW and SmackDown! play. Lita decides to meet her outside - forearm. Into the ring we go - into the ropes, gutshot by Lita, off the ropes, wacky bulldog. Lita outside and grabbing for - but Jacqueline from behind. Cookie sheet to the head! Lita put back in the ring. Jackei brings in a hair dryer and a garbage can...and a broom. Broom broken brover the brack. Garbage can put into the corner - crowd chanting "Lita." Whip into the garbage can. Cover - 1, 2, no. Jacqueline with the hair dryer - whack. Lawler is advancing his "Mick Foley did it" theory, which naturally means Foley DIDN'T do it. Jacqueline outside for the fire extinguisher. She tries to fire it off but forgets to pull the pin. Lita with an uppernut - too preoccupied with the hardware, apparently. Wait, Jackie's got no nuts! (upperovary?) Kick to the back. Lita outside - SHE finds a ladder. Wow, is my TNN picture AWFUL tonight. The sound isn't too great either. Lita stands the ladder up in a corner. Jackie from behind. DDT on the cookie sheet - cover - 2! Jacqueline outside - now climbing up the corner, and now up the ladder! Presto provides a Double Feature of the DDT. Lita up the opposite side of the ladder - Jackie shoves her down. Jackie over to the inside of the ladder - crossbody block MISSES. Lita firesoff the fire extinguisher, blinding Jacqueline. Swinging wildly, she misses every time - but Lita makes sure that her cookie sheet shot finds the mark - 1, 2, 3. (3:53)
Backstage, Chyna is WALKING! She seems happy to see somebody, though - we pan around to see - wow, it's Debra! Debra pulls aside a few strands of Chyna's hair to reveal a Playboy logo on her shirt. "And what is this?" "A big set o' boobs!" "Hahaha - I thought *I* was the one with the puppies!" They discuss Debra's honeymoon and Chyna's ring. Has Debra seen Eddie? No. Does Chyna know where Foley's office is? Yup. Where's Eddie? What does Foley want with Debra? Come back, won't you?
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Dustin Runnels* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
TNN allegedly has pop. I know you know, but did you know that I know you know?
When we come back, a camera pans up Debra's greased legs as she enters Foley's office (and/or the laundry room - the stuffed dog is riding in the dryer). How is Steve? "Well, he's a little ticked off, but...I think you know why." Foley says he has some news that'll probably make him feel a little bit better. Talk turns to the silver lining (as Foley sees it) of Austin getting run over - when Steve was hurt, he needed somebody to take care of him. "Mick, what are you really getting at here?" Foley asks how the wedding was...and the honeymoon. Then he cuts to the chase - the wives *always* hate the life on the road - did she hate it enough to do something about it? "No, I'll tell you one thing, Mick - and that's Steve Austin is my husband, and I love him very very much! And I had to sit there every day and watch him hurt, and that is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. And I'll tell you one thing, Mick Foley, I am just so thankful that Steve Stunned you out there, I just regret that *I* wasn't out there with him. Thank you." "Debra? Don't leave the arena just yet, okay?" "Yeah, right." "Have a nice day." Slam.
Meanwhile, Triple H expresses
disbelief that Foley made the match
with Jericho as his partner. A month ago he was beating him in Last Man
Standing matches and now he's his partner? And against his best buddy
X-Pac? Stephanie says H definitely needs her out there with him. H says
"we've been over this a million time" for the millionth time, and reminds
her that his (business) decision is final. "Speaking of business
decisions, I'm glad you made the right business decision and decided not to
accompany Kurt Angle to the ring on a permanent basis. I'll see you after
the match, okay?" Peck on the cheek - and Stephanie makes a face.
Meanwhile, a limousine pulls up outside the arena - no, it's not Steve Austin, it's...Linda McMahon! And now she's WALKING!
Lessee...three segments so far - one with wrestling - aie
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Sycho Sid* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
When we come back, Foley meets McMahon and they have a chat while the commentators talk over it
RAVEN v. STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) - this is apparently not a hardcore match, despite the fact that ring flowerpot LILIAN GARCIA mistakenly identifies the match as a hardcore title match. Makes sense - I mean, we already HAD a hardcore match tonight, right? Ross overcompensates by saying "nontitle" fifteen times. Hey, Ross, we don't correct YOU like that. Raven off the ropes, Blackman drops down, Raven ducks a clothesline, Blackman goes behind for the waistlock, Raven to the ropes and bumping him off, running at him, Blackman drops for a reverse leg sweep. Superkick. Right, right, kick, kick. Into the ropes, reversed, knee in the gut by Raven. Off the ropes, Blackman with an atomic drop to counter the leapfrog. Right hand puts him down. Running at Raven, who sidesteps and tosses him out. Wacky quasi-pescado by Raven. Hard into the barricade. Head into the barricade again Referee "Blind" Teddy Long asking them to take it back inside. Whip into the barricade is reversed. Blackman in the ring - and back out. Gutwrench - and swung into the STEEL steps (ow!). Straight right from the Lethal Weapon. Raven manages a drop toehold into the steps when Blackman charges again. Long finally starts a count - both men back at 3. Blackman into the corner, and a left-handed clothesline when he comes out. Cover - 1. You don't even GET 2 with Blackman! Off the ropes, gutshot, discus right by Raven gets 2. Well, okay, you can get 2 on Blackman. Snapmare by Raven - backslide is countered with a Blackman backslide for 2. Death suplex attempt but Raven counters into a crossbody for a near fall. Off the ropes, leapfrog by Raven - no, THAT'S the Lethal Kick - and that's a pinfall for Blackman. (2:57) It's STILL his house! Raven attacks with a clothesline after the fact, putting Blackman outside the ring. Blackman comes back in with his sticks. Blackman with It's Party Time! One final stick shot for good measure puts Raven out. Play his music again! Hey, his music best be on the next WWF theme music CD or I'm not buying it. (I'll probably get it free either way, mind you, but it's the PRINCIPLE of the thing)
In Foley's office, Linda and Mick have a sitdown for the benefit of this here cameraman who needed something to tape. "You made me the commissioner because you knew I was willing to cover all the bases." "Mick, you've always been straight with me - I've been straight with you. Let me look you in the eye and tell you I did not run down Stone Cold Steve Austin." Foley produces a Detroit hotel registry with Linda's name on it. McMahon says a lot of people knew she was in Detroit that night. Foley brings up the fact that Stone Cold has humiliated her husband, beaten up her son, and wouldn't probably hesitate to beat up her daughter as well. "Well, Mick, you know, in and out of the ring Vince, Shane, Stephanie kind of control their own business and they handle themselves very well. But put my family aside, and I don't want anybody to mess with my family but put them aside, as the CEO of this company it wouldn't be good business to take out one of the top stars of the WWF." Foley asks who's selling the most merchandise and benefitting the most financially since Austin was taken out. "The Rock. Why?" Did she really NEED to ask why?
Look! Chris Benoit is WALKING!
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Ric Flair* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
And now, the WWF Rewind, brought to you by THQ's MTV Sports: Pure Ride! From last week's RAW, Triple H chose to save his wife rather than become #1 Contender - a SHOCKING display of prioritising
CHRIS BENOIT and X-PAC v. CHRIS
MONDAY JERICHO and THE NEW MAN -
Wow, kinda early in the show to have *this* match...isn't it? Also, when
was the last time we had four entrances with a set of clips or quick
adverts to break it up? 1, 2, is this on? Heh! Yo Jimmy, hit me with
that Triple H shhhhhhhhhhhhhh....see, they won't actually SAY "shit" but
they'll IMPLY it. Somebody cut'n'paste this and send it to The Rick for
me. (I call him "The") X-Pac gets H's back while he stands on the apron
to hit his pre-match yawn. Jericho and H have a few words about teamwork
prior to the match. Bell rings and they quickly pair off - H with Benoit
and Jericho with X-Pac. Benoit tossed outside, H follows, Benoit takes
command. Back in the ring, it's Jericho on top - THEY go outside as X-Pac
is clotheslined out. Referee "Blind" Tim White spots an opening, and tells
Jericho to go to his corner. H puts Benoit in and this may approach a tag
match. Benoit's got the chance as Triple H comes in - stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp, kick, kick, H still getting up, right, right, in the corner, kick,
chop, right, right, Benot's a buzzsaw - into the ropes, H with a back
elbow. Suplex. H backs up to wind up a kneedrop, but Jericho reaches
forward and tags him in the back. HE wants a piece of Benoit as well.
Right, into the ropes, reversed, duck, Jericho with the flying jalapeno.
Jericho makes the mistake of walking within range of H's tag. Right by H,
right, right, commentators only talking about Foley. Into the opposite
corner, boot up from Benoit. Collision in the center, shoving him back
into the corner, right, right, right, kick, kick, into the opposite corner,
H ducks the clothesline and slips on the hangman's neckbreaker. Jericho
with another tag in the back - and now H and Jericho are shoving - Benoit
over with a shove for Jericho, right into Triple H! Benoit grabs Jericho,
stomp, kick for H, chop for Jericho, chop, into the opposite corner, up for
a death suplex attempt but Jericho flips backwards out of it - dropkick to
the back! Jericho with a chop, chop, Benoit tries an arm wringer, but
Jericho hits a gutshot - off the ropes with a bulldog...for 2. It's been
all Benoit so far. Into the corner is reversed by Benoit, Jericho puts up
an elbow - second rope dropkick is swatted away. Stomp, tag to X-Pac.
Big-time boos from the crowd. Against the ropes, chop, chop, chop, Jericho
punches back - into the ropes is reversed, Jericho with a shoulderblock,
off the ropes, X-Pac leapfrog, Jericho chops him down. Chop. Ross: "These
two guys - they ever go one on one, folks, get a chance to see this one.
Don't miss it!" Umm, Ross, we've seen it like SIX TIMES already. Chop is
ducked. Gutshot, kick, calling to Benoit - whip into the unfriendly corner
is reversed, but X-Pac goes up and over, and when Jericho runs under him,
he's met with Benoit. But he blocks the right and throws one of his own,
sending him to the floor. Turning round, Jericho blocks the right from
*X-Pac* and throws one of his own...but Benoit pulls the ankles...then
crotches him on the post. X-Pac tags out. Benoit in with the death
suplex. 1, 2, nope. Backbreaker gets a looong 2. Tag to X-Pac. Gutshot,
in the corner, kick trifecta(tm). He's going into the wardance - but
Jericho pops up and clotheslines him before he can hit the broncobuster!
Did Triple H make sure X-Pac tagged out before he held out his hand for the
tag? Either way, both men make the tag - Triple H with a clothesline,
clothesline, into the ropes, duck, high knee. Right. Ross: "Boy, I want
to see these guys go one on one somewhere. It would be a *classic*
matchup!" Quite a memory on that Good Ol' JR, no? Into the ropes,
reversed, head down, facebuster. Cover, leg is hooked, only 2. H with a
right, Benoti pinballs to Jericho, to H, then to Jericho. X-Pac rushes in
and shoves Jericho to the mat. Benoit's head hits the buckle. Right hand.
Jericho back in - it's all breaking down now. Jericho puts X-Pac into the
corner, but X-Pac ducks the clothesline and hits a spinning heel kick.
Unfortunately for him, he backs into the back of Triple H - who promptly
turns around and swings without asking. X-Pac goes down to the right hand,
and then H makes the "ee" face and checks on him. Benoit sneaks up from
behind and bridges the German suplex - for 2!! Right, right, H put on the
top turnbuckle. Benoit climbing up - H headbutting him back down. X-Pac
trying to clothesline Jericho but he ducks - clothesline takes X-Pac over
the top to the floor...also crotching Triple H in the process! Benoit
adroitly covers - 1, 2, 3!! (6:43) We look outside the
ring, where X-Pac
has left Jericho laying. Benoit backs up the ramp...with a big smile. H
points his way and says something or other. Oops, we're out.
WWF Fanatix debuts in October with "The Rock: The People's Champ!" Only $9.95 SRP! Check your pay-per-view schedule!
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *B.B.* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Moments Ago - uhh, gee, I forget
Edge & Christian have an audience with the Commish when Triple H and the RAW Credits interject. H demands a one-on-one match with Benoit. Foley says he'll give him the match...at No Mercy. There's the TV-14-DLV-CC boxes. With one more glare at Edge and Christian, H takes off. "That was completely uncool of the Game. I mean, The Game - what's up with that? Who's his manager, Milton Bradley?" "What a reek-a-zoid - I AM THE PARCHEESI" They slap five. Foley cuts them off by asking about Survivor Series. They first congratulate Foley on suspending Steve Austin, as his actions were full of felonosity and completely reeked of rudosity. Finally, they say that they were preparing for a four-way tag match with the Hardyz, Too Cool and the Hollyz. The trainer can back up their story as well. "Remember - you gave him that wedgie?" "Yeah, I had his underwear up over his head." "Good stuff, eh, Mick?" Edge and Christian excuse themselves - they've got some surfing lessons... Foley bangs his gavel in disgust.
Meanwhile, Triple H is WALKING! Check out the guy with the light behind the cameraman - he seems to REALLY be having problems not tripping. We follow H all the way back to Stephanie, who is quick to point out that H hasn't been winning too much since he asked her to stay away from ringside....
Yep, another non-wrestling segment.
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Skip Stephenson* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
TNN promo wisely highlights the WWF and its fans
Stephanie, Lita and the Kat encourage you to smack down your vote!
The WWFvote.com tally is over 120,000 voters. Why, oh why are Bush and Gore ignoring their offer? Better yet, why, oh why is the WWF ignoring the third-party candidates who would HAPPILY take the time?
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: HARDY BOYZ (with Lita) v. LO DOWN - Lo Down fighting for the titles? What's next - the Rock gives Gangrel a title shot? Everybody gets to stomping as wel start. Chaz tossed, Brown doubleteamed. Double suplex. Jeff with a gutshot, kick, into the opposite corner is reversed, Hardy gets the feet up on the shoulders and hits a rana. Brown manages a back elbow. Tag to Chaz. Commentators are talking about Foley having to resign if he can't deliver the goods. I guess I can't blame them for ignoring THIS match...Chaz falls into a back body drop. Tag to Matt, double leg takedown, tandem legdrop combo. Matt punches away - Brown in, right, right, discus right for him. Chaz dumped on the outside. Matt on the apron - running clothesline to the floor. Chaz thrown back in - Brown grabs Matt as he tries to come in - flapjack onto the barricade. Into the ring for Chaz - stomp, right, 2. Kick, forearm, tag to Brown, into the ropes, leapfrog by Chaz, heel kick by Brown for 2. "Count faster!" Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda: "I'll do my job, you do yours." Hear that? Lo Down's gonna JOB. Brown with a right, Hardy fires back, right, right from Brown, into the ropes, head down, kick by Hardy, right, off the ropes, Brown with a spinebuster...for 2. Tag to Chaz. Pounding away with clubbing forearms. Blatant choke. Choke on the second rope. Chioda has some words with Chaz while Brown puts on another choke behind his back. Off the ropes, duck, sunset flip by Hardy for 2. Chaz with a big clothesline. Stomp. 1, 2, no. Crowd chants "D'Lo sucks" even though Chaz is in there. Tag, double stompin'. Right by Brown. Commentators are reduced to either talking about this match or talking about Patterson's Heat karaoke job. That's right. Blatant choke. Right hand. Into the opposite corner, but Matt puts the boots up as Brown charges in. Brown with another right hand to put him down. Scoop...and a slam. Standing legdrop (no flourish) for 2. Tag to Chaz. Forearm - up across the back...and dropped face first. 1, 2, Jeff makes the save. Off the ropes, legdrop MISSES. Matt makes the slow crawl to his corner - but Chaz bumps Jeff off the amt. Jeff tries to come in but Chioda holds him down. Into the corner is reversed, boot up by Chaz. Lita decides she might as well cheat here, pulling Chaz' ankles out from under him and crotching him on the post. Somehow, Chioda doesn't question the logic of looking away and looking back to see Chaz' legs wrapped around the post. Both men tagged - Hardy ducks, flying forearm smash, scooped up, but into a rana. Stomping away - Matt joins Jeff - into the ropes, Poetry in Motion, NOW THE SHIRT COMES OFF!!!!, punch for Brown, Poetry in Motion for Chaz - Brown clotheslined out. Scoop slam for Chaz - going up for the swantonbomb - but TWO GUYS IN GOLD BODY SUITS AND MASKS WHO JUST MIGHT BE EDGE & CHRISTIAN BUT MAYBE NOT, WHO KNOWS materalise from nowhere - one shoves Jeff to the floor while the other one...stands around, I guess. Back to the ring where Chaz has Jeff on the top rope - superplex! Frog splash! But as Brown covers, Chioda tries to get Chaz back into his corner...giving Matt just enough time to come off the top with the legdrop, turning it over for the pin. (7:00) Chaz gives a free belt shot after the match. Play their music 'cause they LOST!
Back to the Commish's office, where Foley is playing a game of
checkers with Al Snow...who wears a blonde wig. Foley wonders if perhaps
he's sending a subliminible message that perhaps he's the criminible.
Foley's voting for Bush? Snow says he's wearing the wig in tribute to
Sweden, where they're all blonde. Foley wonders aloud if perhaps it was
someone wearing a wig and not really blonde. "Do you know who has a lot of
wigs?" "No...who?" "I don't know, I was asking you." Foley says his
match is next, he better get dressed.
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Emma Bunton* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Chris Jericho eats Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Beef Ravioli - now on sale for only 99 cents a can at Albertson's
WILLIAM REGAL joins our commentators, LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER at ringside.
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: AL SNOW (with Head) v. TEST (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) - Tonight, Al is representing not Sweden but Greece - although he seems a bit confused as he's dressed in a T-birds jacket, pompadour wig, throwing combs to the crowd, wearing soap on a rope and carrying a portrait of John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John. Head has a beehive hairdo as well. "What on Earth is this? ... What is he dressed like that for? Greece has thousands and thousands of years of wonderful culture and history - mythological wonders! I don't understand. This is your European champion? The World Wrestling Federation's European champion? He is mocking me and he is mocking Europe. He's a disgrace! An absolute disgrace! She's a buxom wench, isn't she? Nice bristles!" Still to come, Rock and Rikishi take on Kane and Angle. Chyna and Eddie, assuming she can find him, will take on two Right to Censor folks. "Europe has a wonderful culture. Europe has great wrestlers. Why are we represented by this buffoon?" Lockup, Test shoves him away. Lockup, waistlock by Snow, going down, single leg, Test kicks him away, duck, Snow with an arm drag, right, right, kick, right, into the ropes, head down, Test whips him back to the mat. Scoop...and a slam. Scoop...and another slam. Forearm to the back. Forearm. "Do you know, do you know today I was in a restaurant, and although the waitress was a lower standard than me, I said thank you and please to her and it made her day. It's a wonderful feeling for me." Ross: "Well, that's very nice." Ross asks who ran over Austin, and Regal says all signs point to Rock. Snow put into the corner, it's a hard whip and Snow falls to the mat. Into the ropes, Snow ducks the clothesline and dropkicks the knees. Off the ropes, but Stratus grabs the ankle. Test runs at Snow with a big boot, but Snow sidesteps it and Test crotches himself on the top rope - then falls outside. Snow goes outside to chase Stratus - but runs into a Test clothesline. "Can you believe the sportsmanship here in the WWF? I mean, there is no need for all this...shenanigans, all this malarkey - get back in the ring and wrestle like gentlemen!" Test puts Snow back in the ring - Snow pops up and stomps as Test comes in - repeated fists in the back, kicks, off the rope and runs smack dab into a big boot from Test. Cover gets 2. Test with a right, into the corner, Snow with a back elbow, right, right, Test ducks, gutshot, gutwrench into a powerbomb...for 2. Test to the top - Snow over to crotch him. Can Test's crotch survive this match? Snow with a right, right, climbing to the second rope - third rope - superplex! Snow can't make the cover, though. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long puts on the count - at 3, Snow manages an arm on Test - 1, 2, no! Snow right, right, kick, chop, right, uppercut, into the opposite corner, reversed, Snow slides to a stop - but runs into a full nelson into a uranage...for 2. Pumphandle...looks like a Meltdown attempt, but Snow's feet hit the mat - gutshot, is that the Snowplow? 1, 2, kickout! Guess it wasn't. Snow points to Head...Trish is over to try to stop him - and *does* get a hold of Head. As they tussle, Test runs towards Snow - but ends up knocking Stratus off the apron! Snow with a Head shot - hooks the leg - Long back around - 1, 2, 3! Snow retains. (4:45) "He just - he just used the head - he just used that mannequin's head to beat that fellow! What kind of sportsmanship is this?! It's bloody disgraceful!" Regal makes a succession of entertaining faces.
As Chyna waits in the dressing room...Guerrero FINALLY appears. "Did you forget that we have a match tonight?" "How can I for... take a look at me and tell me if I forgot we had a match tonight, Mami, come on!" "I have been looking for you all day - now look, just because we're fighting only two members of Right to Censor doesn't mean that you can take this match for granted, now come on!" "Let me ask you a question, Mami, when have I ever let you down? I mean, I do it all for you...I've given my whole world to you." "And I wanta make sure that you're gonna do it all for me tonight, okay?" "Where's the trust? Don't you have any trust in me? Huh?" "That has nothing to do with this conversation, trust, Eddie." "Yes it does, it's got everything to do with it! We're supposed to be getting married and you can't trust me?" "I didn't say that--" "That's a buncha crap. You know what? I'm ready to go to the ring! If you wanna go to the ring, then come with me, I'll see ya in the ring!" Chyna, frustrated, leaves shortly after he does...
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Dee Snider* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Hey, look, another (better) Dukes of Hazzard promo
Here's a look at WWF New York
Earlier Tonight, we took a look inside the WWF New York where Road Dogg led a dance contest...and rapped VERY VERY BADLY. Hey, I can see that girl's nipples!!!!!!
EDDIE GUERRERO & THAT SLUT CHYNA (with RAW is WAR is brought to you by Activision's Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2, M&M's, and Honda ATV's!) v. GOODFATHER & BALD VENIS (with Steven Richards) - Guerrero and Venis start. Kick, right, right, right, into the corner, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, why'd I type all that out? Guerrero's ON FIRE! No, wait, Venis rakes the eyes. Gutshot, reversal, right, right, into the ropes is reversed and Venis hits hard. Right by Guerrero, right, knee by Venis - GTV takes over the EntertainmentTron as we take a look at a shower - sounds like Guerrero in there...in fact, that's him leaving the shower. "Keep it warm, baby, I'll be right back!" Victoria's head pops out from behind the shower curtain. "Yo quiero Eddy Guerrero!" Mandy's head on the other side of the curtain. "Bye Eddie!" We look back at Chyna, who seems...unhappy. Crowd digs it, though. "Eddie! Eddie!" Chyna turns her back and takes a step down the steps. Eddie tries to explain it to her...but both RTC members take Guerrero down from behind. Into the ropes, bodyslam by Goodfather, legdrop, we watch Chyna make forlorn faces. Back elbow off the ropes by Goodfather. Stomp, stomp. Right, right, right, right, right. "Eddie! Eddie!" Tag to Venis, open shot. Guerrero's head put into the turnbuckle - double underhook suplex. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Vertical suplex - make that a half hour suplex. Right hand. Tag, holding him for an open shot - Guerrero tries a kick, but Goodfather hits five rights. Goodfather takes him to Chyna's corner and chokes him on the second rope inches away from her. "Chyna, you want your cheater? Here he is!" Death suplex. Arrogant cover - 1, 2, kickout! "Gimme that boot!" Run into Venis' boot - tag. Kick, kick, scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes, elbowdrop. Stomp. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Chyna fingers her ring - and looks around. Censorbomb is gonna end it - 1, 2, 3. (4:32) Richards is over to taunt Chyna - and eat a crappy forearm. Venis and Goodfather are quickly over to grab her - holding her in the ring for Richards - but Chyna manges a kick in the 'nads before MR. ASS comes out to clean house and make the save. BIG HUG!! "I'm an ass man...yes I'm an ass man..." Aww, what a touching moment. Richards is the best comedic 'nads holder in the business, folks.
If you missed Heat, here's a short series of clips to show you what you missed. Highlight was definitely Pat Patterson punking out DJ Skribble. MTV's Sunday Night Heat airs at 7/6 Sunday night!
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Jennifer Lien* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
In this TNN spot, you can pretty much tell that, for the most part, they're NOT talking about TNN
Moments Ago, GTV confused us all - why's it only show up every couple of months or so? Does the "G" stand for "Got Caught?" Chyna's reaction probably looks better when not in slo-mo
Here's an exterior of the lovely Arrowhead Pond of Anaheim
Here's a look at MICHAEL CLARKE DUNCAN in a sweet seat
Foley hangs up the phone to talk to Crash. He talked to Hardcore over the weekend. "Did he say hi?" "Actually, he said he was gonna kick your ass, but listen - I can't help but notice that you're letting that blonde hair come in a little more naturally this time around." "Yeah, yeah, you know, I figured there's too many blondes around here anyway - you know, really tall, angry, really bad drivers if you know what I mean." Crash is excused as Foley sees Scotty 2 Hotty walking (WALKING!) by. "Hold on, Mick. I had nothing to do with that. Myself, the Grand Mastah, and Rikishi were backstage ALL NIGHT LONG." Asked what they were doing backstage, Hotty replies, "what do you mean, what were we doin' backstage, we were chillin' like villians, waitin' for the Rock to finish up with his match so we could go PAR-TAY." "Did you just say par-tay?" "Yeah...you know what I mean." "I know what you mean. I also know that the Rock's name seems to be coming up an awful lot tonight." "Hey, Mick, I'm not saying the Rock had anything to do with it...I'm just covering my own tracks." "Hey, I appreciate it." "Hey...glad I could help." "I think you have...I think you have."
Meanwhile, Chyna walks off
with Eddie close behind, desperate to
give an explanation. "Those ho's meant nothing to me, baby - you mean the
world!" "Eddie, I am not a ho - I am not a floozy - I loved you - I
trusted you, I respected you....this ring was the most important thing in
my life..." She tosses it to the ground. "I never want to see you again."
Chyna gets in her car as Guerrero tries to tell her he's nothing without
her. "You already ARE nothing, Eddie!" And she drives off. Was that a PT
Cruiser? Guerrero looks for the ring - but sees Billy Gunn instead.
"You...dumb...bastard. You've just lost the best thing in your life over
what, two cheap-ass ho's? Hey, I'll tell you what. Why don't you pick
this cheap-ass ring up, take it back to the pawn shop, get your twenty
bucks back, because I promise you that is as close as you will ever get to
her, as long as I'm around. Comprende, S A?" "Comprende." Then he breaks
a bottle over his head. Stomp for good measure. Guerrero walks off...but
not before picking up the ring. Ross: "He got his ring back! What a
jerk!" Me: "What, he was just gonna LEAVE it there?"
By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Melissa Bellin* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.
The TNN guy tries to break into the Rock's mansion - he'll be searching for pop in the hoosegow if he keeps up THAT action
And now, the Lugz Boot of the Week! From SmackDown! last Thursday, Angle runs out and brains Kane with a chair - and then gives Rock a shot as well. See, he's the #1 Contender, so it's only *natural* that he'd start swinging a mean chair....er....I forgot where I was going with this
KING KURT ANGLE (with Presto presents No Mercy 22 October! - and also makes the Pizzazz pizza oven) and WELL IT'S KANE v. RIKASHMONEY and IF YA SMELLLLLLL - Kane wastes no time waffling Angle with uppercuts as soon as he enters the ring, knocking his tag team partner to the mat each time, climaxing with a big boot that takes him off the apron to the floor. For an encore, Kane sets the turnbuckles alight. As soon as Rikishi enters, Kane starts to work on HIM - repeated punches, kicks to the head, and NOW the music hits. He might want to move just a BIT quicker - ahh, there we go. Right, right, right, right, right, off the ropes, into the big boot. Guess we're not gonna get an opening bell, so let me go back and check...okay, I'm back. And so's the Rock, eating a right hand. Another right from Kane. Rock's head put in the corner. Right. Right. Whip into the opposite corner, reversed, Kane puts up the back elbow. Rock comes back with a clothesline. Tag to Rikishi. Right, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, Kane pops out with a clothesline. Cover - 1, 2, shoulder up. Angle is hanging out by the security railing and looking on - we look backstage to see Stephanie watching things on a monitor. Off the ropes, Samoan Drop by the Samoan. Tag to Rock - block, right, right is blocked, right by Kane. Right. Rock right, switching positions, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! But Kane absorbs all of that, catches Rock on his shoulder, and powerslams him down. Choke on the second rope, and another one. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner puts on the count. Into the ropes, big clothesline by Kane. Elbowdrop. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, nope. Angle muttering to himself. Big legdrop from the Machine. Another 2 count. "Rock E!" Block by Rock, right, right, off the ropes, but Kane puts up the elbow. Standing on the neck with a little rope leverage added to boot. Kane with a suplex. Cover - 2. Kane decides to go for the headlock. Rock almost laid out now. Arm falls once...arm falls twice...arm does not fall thrice. Rock to his feet - right to the body, right, right, off the ropes...into a sidewalk slam. 1, 2, shoulder up. Man, Kane can't cover for SHIT. Another look at a blase Angle - and another look backstage at Stephanie watching a monitor. Kane with a right hand. Right hand. Right. Plodding, it is. Rock manages a spinebuster and both men are down. Rikishi wants the tag - Rock crawling towards Rikishi...and making the tag! Right by Rikishi, right, right, into the ropes, head down, uppercut by Kane, clothesline by Rikishi - off the ropes, drumstick drop! Hooks the leg - but only 2. Kane sent into the ropes, head down, DDT by Kane - that shouldn't hurt, right? Rikishi back up - but into the chokeslam. NOW Angle is up on the apron and asking for the tag. Kane walks over...and chokes him - CHOKESLAM!
That was apparently a
tag, as well, and Kane walks off. Geez, Angle ain't none too bright now,
ain't he. Angle actually manages an Olympic Slam on Rikishi (although
neither of the commentators calls it anything but a "suplex," diminishing
the fact that he just hit his finisher), but celebrates too long, allowing
Rock to come in and hit Rock Bottom on him. The buttdrop by Rikishi is
academic, but he *was* the legal man - 1, 2, 3. (9:26) The celebration is
short-lived, however, as Rikishi's music is interrupted by
McFOLEY's. Foley's gaze has been fixed on the
Rock ever since he emerged
from the curtain. "I've come out here in the past - I've made wild
accusations - but that's not going to happen tonight. I promised to
deliver the person who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I will!
Fortunately, my announcement will conclude what has undoubtedly been the
worst week of my professional career. Unfortunately, all of the evidence
points...to you, Rock. It was your rental car that ran down Stone Cold -
only your fingerprints, only your DNA were found inside the car - hell, a
pair of the Rock's sunglasses were found inside the glove box. And as
Linda McMahon herself stated, no one else had as much to gain by Stone
Cold's departure, did they, Rock? No! With Stone Cold out of the way, who
sold the T-shirts? Who picked up the media appearances? Who's book went
to #1? Who showed up on television? Who got movie roles? You have not
fooled me, Rock. And therefore, right here in Anaheim, California...in the
case of who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin at Survivor Series, Mick Foley
finds the Rock....not guilty. But if you didn't do it, who did? And I'm
going to tell you who did...he did. I hadn't quite figured it out until
Scotty 2 Hotty said something about hanging out backstage with Rikishi -
hell, Rikishi, you weren't even part of Survivor Series - you hadn't even
debuted on television. Who else is close enough with the Rock to go inside
his dressing room? Who else is close enough with the Rock to reach inside
his bag and get his keys? The mirrors and the seat were configurated to
fit not just a large man but a very large man. That very large man is
YOU...the only thing I don't know is WHY." Rikishi slowly takes the mic.
"Okay. I did it." Crowd goes nuts. Rock gives a look of shock. "In case
you didn't hear...I admit...I did it. I ran over Austin. And you ask why?
I didn't do it for me..no, I didn't do it for me. I did it for....the
Rock. You see, Rock, I took your keys out of your bag that night when I
went to go check in the hotel. And when I jumped into the car, I saw Stone
Cold Steve Austin standing in the middle of the parking lot all alone. And
suddenly, everything flashed right through my eyes. You see, the WWF has
always been all about the Great White Hope. And I'm talking about such
people as Buddy Rogers...people like Bruno Sammartino...people like Bob
Backlund...people like Hulk Hogan....and now, people like Stone Cold Steve
Austin. You see, the WWF has always let the island boys in...but, we were
always held back. Now, listen to me, Rock, and I really want you to listen
to me. And I'm talkin' about people like your grandfather - a
well-respected man, High Chief Peter Maivia, coulda became a WWF Champion,
but no - they held him back. People like Jimmy 'Superfly' Snuka...coulda
been a WWF Champion, but no - they held HIM back. And people like Afa and
Sika...Samu...and the Tonga Kid...they were ALL held back. So you see,
Rock, I ran Stone Cold over, and I did this for you. I don't expect any
favours from you, Rock - no, I don't expect no favours or no payback.
Before, I want you people to know all around the world, and set the record
straight that the Rock did not have a damn thing to do with this. I take
full responsibility. And you know what, Rock, just you being who you are
today is good enough for me and our people. And before I go, one more
time. I RAN OVER STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN. And to tell the truth....I'd do
it again." Rikishi's music plays...and he walks off. Ross: "I can't
believe this - Rikishi - the assailant - Rikishi - the perpetrator that ran
over Stone Cold - ya son of a bitch, ya ran over Austin...what is Rikishi
thinking? He almost took a man's livelihood away! Took a man's living
from him! How is Austni supposed to take care of his family! That son of
a bitch is gonna have hell to pay - I promise you - I swear to you - that
on SmackDown! Thursday night, Austin is gonna gut and quarter Rikishi!"
Out last look is of Foley looking up the ramp at Rikishi...and Rock looking
at the ground. Credits are up and that last WWF logo means we're OUT.
Damn, 'kishi almost seems NOBLE, doesn't he?
Hey, was anybody else thinking REFORM THE NATION OF DOMINATION WHERE'S AHMED JOHNSON FAAROOQ NEEDS TO KILL BRADSHAW IT'S A NEW URBAN STREET GANG WAR oh, no? Just me? Oh well
How come Foley had all this information about the car I hadn't heard until tonight? This reminds me of...well, I forget which detective it is, but they made fun of him in "Murder by Death" - "YOU always held VITAL pieces of information until the LAST chapter!"
So all this time Rikishi's been reprazentin' da island boys! Damn, he TOTALLY had me suckered in when he said he was standing for all the "fat (and healthy) people" back in '99! But the one big problem with the big speech can be summed up in three words: Yokozuna, Yokozuna, Yokozuna. Selective memory sure can be a BITCH sometimes, can't it? (Also, I'm pretty sure Rikishi Fatu debuted just *before* Survivor Series, but since Foley nailed it, he's allowed to be wrong on that one.)
Don't get me wrong. As a payoff, I can't complain TOO much about the outcome. And that speech... well, it *worked* for me. Call it an internal continuity, call it an ending I didn't feel I could write in my sleep, call it what you like... Given that this thing had been afforded an awful lot of hype over the past month, I don't think ANY outcome would have yielded *complete* satisfaction, but I have to say my (admittedly lowered) expectations, I guess the thing I like about it the most is the future possibilities it sets up...you have to admit that as things stand, it's a LOT easier to turn the Rock heel than worm Vince McMahon back into this picture and, in the process, try *really* hard to go to that well once too often. Hell, I could even see Foley as the mastermind down the road - it'd certainly explain how he seemed to know so much about the car (when DID they recover the car, anyway?)
In the end - and after it's all said and done on THIS night - I want to watch the WWF again. I want to see where this story goes. And isn't *that* what it's all about?
I don't know....
...ask Vince Russo.