/23 October 2000
WWF RAW is WAR
I GET LETTERS:
Sane Mauck writes: Thanks for the Smackdown reports.
For some reason my cable company doesn't carry the local UPN station and
I'm not going to put up an antenna for 2 hours of wrestling and for my
worthless sister-in-law to invite herself over to watch all the other crap
on the "network."
Anyway, the reason I'm writing is to tell you about the CBS deal showing its face (albeit ever so subtly) on daytime TV. My wife watches Guiding Light and on Wednesday's show, there was this big guy looking for a job as a bouncer at a club. He had stopped in Springfield (IL) "on his way to Connecticut to be a WWF wrestler." His presence had nothing to do with the scene and he was only there for a brief time. It was like they put him there solely for the purpose of saying "WWF" to the Guiding Light audience. Pretty amazing, huh? WWF now has more promotion during a soap opera than ECW got in a full year. Well, Paul E. thinks so anyway.
Oooh, CROSS PROMOTION! Look soon for the SOAP OPERA STAR WRESTLER!
QUICK QUOTE: The one year anniversary of WWFE price watching! 14 7/8 (- 1/16 - last year this time, 23 7/8)
TONIGHT: A Bra & Panty Match - Lita and Trish! I'm disappointed, they only managed to say "Bra and Panties" FIVE times. Also, there's a *new* WWF Champion - he and his corner woman will be sure to be around! Oh, and bra and panties!
Voice of Vince McMahon: "The World Wrestling Federation is deeply
saddened by the passing of Rodney Anoai, better known to World Wrestling
Federation fans as Yokozuna - a three-time WWF Champion, Yoko was the most
athletically gifted big man to ever set foot inside the squared circle.
History will recount Yoko's monstrous reign in the ring, but it was
Rodney's magnetic and gentle personality that will live on in the hearts of
everyone who was privliged to know him."
Oh, and Hogan? You're NEVER getting THAT win back, big man. YOSH!
Rodney Anoai: 1966-2000
By the way, that's TWO WWF Championships and ONE tag team championship. So *don't* write me with a "correction" of Vince. Please. LET THE MAN REST FOR CRYING OUT LOUD ohhh I'm sorry
TV-14-DLV-CC - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
PYRO AWAY! WE ARE LIVE from the Hartford Civic Centre in Hartford, CT 23.10.2K and transmitido en espanol SAP - TNN is the station, and the show is WWF RAW - IS - WAR!
RIKASHMONEY it out to his new music and new "Big Fat Party Animal" outfit of Hawaiian shirt, shorts and flip flops. Rikishi still finds time to rub his nose while walking down the aisle - I wish Cody Monk would ask him who that was a signal for! Austin is in the clink and "negotiating bail," we are told...will he make it out in about two hours? PROBABLY. Tonight, Road Dogg vs. Chris Benoit! Bra and panties for the Women's title - Lita vs. Trish Stratus! But for now, let's soak in the boos. "Where is the big badass Stone Cold Steve Austin? You see, you people and everybody around the world thought that Stone Cold Steve Austin was gonna make a big comeback. But what...what you people don't know that Stone Cold Steve Austin is not gonna be here tonight. And you idiots ask yourself why, well I'll answer that for you. Why, because Stone Cold is in a jail cell tryin' to make bail! You see, last night, Stone Cold tried to run me over. So what I did - I pressed charges on his ass and now he's sittin' in jail! Last night, a crime was committed. A travesty. Rock, losing his title. You see, I wasn't there trying to hurt the Rock - I was there to support the Rock! And, Rock, and Rock, even though we - we - lost the battle last night, we will win the war, and I will continue to support you on trying - no - winning the WWF title back. So Rock, I want you to come out here, so I can say something to your face. And Rock, I know you got the guts to, so please Rock, come out here and listen to what I have to say." IF YA SMELLLLLLL and here we go. Rock is *so* surprised at this sudden request for his presence that he didn't even get to button up his shirt! Let's listen in once again, shall we? Rikishi lifts his shades, so you KNOW he's serious. "Rock....I just wanted to say...from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry for last night." Rock ponders this. The crowd again chants "Rock E." "Now the Rock says, Rikishi, the Rock has known you for years. You and the Rock, we've done a lot together, so hearing that, the Rock says this: from the bottom of his heart...to the top of his lungs, to the bottom of your balls, the Rock says...that he wants nothing to do with your apology, and he wants nothing to do with you." "Hey, man. I know you're a little bit upset last night for losing the WWF title, but you gotta understand where I'm coming from - you gotta understand where I'm coming from. See, we'll take care of this later - we'll take care of this--" "Nononononono, no, there is no 'we.' You and the Rock, WE have nothing to take care of. What you're failing to understand is this isn't about the Rock's WWF title, one way or another the Rock will once again become WWF Champion...but this is about the Rock telling you that he does not need your help to do it." "Rock. I know you're upset, but you're really starting to hurt my feelings." "Your *feelings?* So let the Rock understand this - the Rock has just hurt your feelings. You, the man who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin. The man who nearly took his life. The man who got involved in the Rock's WWF title match last night, cost the Rock the WWF title, and you tell the Rock your feelings are hurt? Well, after hearing that, with all due respect, Rikishi, you can wipe your 400 pound ass with your feelings." "You don't want me to tell - do you want me to say something right now? Do you want me to tell the whole world right now? You want me to tell 'em something?" "Oh, you can tell 'em something, Rikishi, you can tell the WORLD something. You can tell the world you feel constipated. You can tell 'em all...that you feel constipated from eatin' all the hamburgers and hot dogs, oh and oh just by the way, at No Mercy you just happened to munch on...a one big can o' Stone Cold's ass-whippin'! You can tell 'em all that, but what you should tell them is this: is you should tell them that you're gonna walk out of the ring, walk back up the ramp, and the Rock will never, ever see you...again." "Well, I'll tell you what, Rock. I'll tell YOU what. Whatever you do, whether you like it or not, I'm still gonna be there for you." "Well, Rikishi...finally the Rock understands where you're coming from. The Rock truly understands your sentiments. So having said that, the Rock says this: the Rock's gotta do what the Rock's gotta do...whether YOU like it or not." ROCK BOTTOM! PLAY HIS MUSIC! WE GOT OUT IN UNDER FIFTEEN!
TONIGHT: The new WWF Champion and his business advisor are scheduled to be here!
TONIGHT: The "Tag Team title match of the century!" Edge and Christian challenge Los Conquistadors!
TONIGHT: The women's championship is on the line as LIta takes on Trish Stratus in a Bra & Panty Match! And it's NEXT!
In Mick Foley's office, the commissioner asks Lita if she really wanted to go along with this, seeing as she's so credible and respected and all. "Whatever it takes to get my hands on her!" Foley tells Stratus that there'll be no Test & Albert at ringside, and no Hardyz neither.
The winner is the woman who strips her opponent to bra and panties.
A camera sits in the parking lot awaiting the arrival of Kurt Angle and Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley from their numerous media appearances and autograph signings - whoa, that sign says the clearance is *13* feet...I smell SECRET TAZZ PUSH
Let Us Take You Back To Moments Ago Where Rock Gave Rikishi Rock Bottom Rock Bottom Rock Bottom
WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: LITA v. TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL in a bra & panty match - this Wednesday, the WWF takes over the New York Stock Exchange to celebrate their jump to the NYSE! Wow, only took 'em a bit over a year to make that switch...new ticker symbol next week! Tune in then! Lita with a spear, ramming her head into the ground, kick to the head. Trish gets in a boot to stop her charge. Now they're rolling around a lot. Are you telling me Stratus isn't already in panties? "We want puppies!" Lita loses her shirt, displaying a gold bra. Snapmare by Lita using her shirt. Into the ropes, Lita with a Scary Rana. Trish's shirt is removed. Almost got her shorts, but Stratus kicks her away. Nice suplex by Stratus! Running bulldog attempt is blocked - Lita with a death suplex. Lita with the moonsault...and pulls off the shorts. What's the last thing you wanna see now? That's right - Lawler's ugly mug! (In Modesto, it's strictly for the 2:09) Lita's music is cut off with the klaxons and sirens of the RIGHT TO CENSOR. "Cut our music. The World Wrestling Federation should be ashamed for what they just presented In This Very Ring! You women should be ashamed of yourselves for participating in such a demeaning expedition...exhibition! Please be quiet! Most of all, you people should be ashamed for cheering them on! And by the looks on your faces, you ENJOY what you're seeing? Those women do not belong in the World Wrestling Federation...but there is one woman who does. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the newest member of the Right to Censor...IVORY." And out she comes, dressed like the schoolteacher from "Little House on the Prarie." "Thank you, Steven. I have seen the light. Thanks to Steven Richards and the Right to Censor, I am - have been helped to realise what I have always known in my heart...that I am a woman, and I enjoy being a woman. But, ladies, we have been jaded! We have been led to believe that low-cut blouses, with breasts billowing out, is sexy! We have been led to believe that short, tight skirts that expose the mid-to-upper thigh is what men wanna see! Well that is *totally unacceptable!* REAL men - they wanna see real women." (Audible fan: Take your shirt off!) "They want to know real women for the real beauty they truly possess inside - not on the outside. Look at the two of you! You've not only been stripped of your clothing, but you've been stripped of your pride! It's just not right, and you know what? I am here to speak up for all the women of America. The World Wrestling Federation has not been responsible enough in censoring such activities, so I, as a woman, am speaking up for all of you women out there, and I say NO MORE." All five raise arms at the top of the stage as Trish and Lita give looks.
MICHAEL KING COLE stands with Los Conquistadors. How are they gonna defend the titles against Edge & Christian? Edge & Christian appear, as if on cue, and flip Cole's hair. Edge slaps hands with one of the men in gold - "flesh on flesh - see?" "Si." They declare the interview over.
OH BOY! BULL RIDIN'! EIGHT SECONDS TO GLORY! TNN IS POP!
On my cable system in the local slot, a Halloween Havoc promo airs here
Here comes a car! Is it Angle and McMahon-Helmsley? Well, no...it's just a Toyota station wagon. Oops.
CHRIS BENOIT (with No Mercy
stills - courtesy WWF Magazine) v. PERRO
DEL CAMINO - "Since beeing in the WWF, I've
noticed that there are many
different ways to succeed and achieve success. I've noticed that
talent...is pointless. I've noticed that sheer will and
determination...are useless. And being the best damn technical wrestler in
the entire industry today does not mean one damn thing. You see, here in
the WWF, success is not gagued by your 'wrestling' ability. A perfect
example of that would be...Triple H. So he got a win last night. So WHAT.
So he walks away with another victory. So what. Triple H, YOU did not
BEAT me. The only Game that one last night was you getting help from your
(beep) of a wife! You did not prove me wrong - you (beep) me off, and
that's just the way it is! So tonight, before I set an example, before I
set a new standard with your friend Road Dogg, let me let you in on a
little secret. Starting tonight, things will be a hell of a lot different.
Starting tonight, NO ONE and NOTHING will stop me, because my time - MY
time - *MY* TIME IS NOW - PROVE ME WRONG!" This week is "Can you take the
Heat?" week on "Live with Regis." Today we had Chyna - tomorrow, Angle;
and in the rest of the week, we'll get Triple H, Lita and Austin! Benoit
kick, right, trading blows, Benoit right, kick, kick, kick, kick, right,
right, stomp. Into the ropes, reversed, tumbling under, gutshot by Dogg,
side Russian legsweep. "I proved yo ass wrong!" Side headlock takeover by
Dogg - when Benoit fails to counter with the headscissors, he just starts
pounding him in the head instead. Hold broken, stomp by Benoit. Stomp.
Stomp. Head to the buckle. Backbreaker across the knee gets 2. Death
suplex. Benoit going up for the swandive headbutt - but it MISSES! Dogg
still wearing DX colours - block, right. Block, right, right, right, into
the ropes, reversed, duck, left, left, left, juke, jive, SMILIN' DEAN
MALENKO is back on RAW?!? - Dogg turns to him - Malenko ducks a swipe, and
Benoit creeps up from behind and locks in the Crippler crossface. Dogg
isn't giving up - oh, yeah, he is. (2:07) Will Benoit let go of
Yes, but only after a looooong time. The flowerpot: "Your winner by
submission...Chris Jericho!" Malenko is in the ring - they shake hands and
embrace. Benoit should lay out Lilian Garcia RIGHT NOW.
Backstage, Cole stands with Rikishi. Why is he still here, since nobody wants him around? "Shut your mouth. Who cares what you think, and who cares what the fans think? This is a family business, a family matter, and I'm gonna be here all night, whether you like it or not."
Hey, this Cybiko ad is the coolest ad on earth. You know why? JAPANESE IS COOL
Still maintaining his vigil on the parking lot, our intrepid cameraman still waits...and still comes up with an empty ramp.
In the dressing room, JONATHAN COACHMAN stands with Triple H. "You know, for the last couple of weeks, Chris Benoit did a lotta talking. Today, Chris Benoit did a lotta talking. You know he said a lot of things about my time being over - that my era, that the Game's era, that Triple H's era was finished - that the game was over. Well, I showed Chris Benoit last night that he was wrong. Chris Benoit - I'll tell you when it's your turn - Chris Benoit also said that he is the best damn technical wrestler in the world today - well, on that, you gotta give him credit. Chris Benoit was right on that one thing - he is arguably....no. Hell, I'll go so far as to say that Chris Benoit IS the best damn technical wrestler that I have ever been in the ring with in my entire career. But last night, when that bell rang, I did exactly what I said I was gonna do, I proved Chris Benoit WRONG." Coachman asks about his wife. "You know, my headstrong wife is my business, not yours. All right? Now I told Kurt Angle that if anything happened to Steph out there, it was gonna be his ass. Last night, Kurt Angle put Steph in harm's way, and she got hurt. Now, I'm gonna hurt Kurt Angle. And as far as the Rock goes, if Rock puts his hands on my wife again...then like it or not, I'm gonna have to put my hands on the Rock." Dammit, why won't Triple H - and the rest of the WWF - put Benoit over? WHY are they holding him DOWN? I could just CRY.
Your hosts are a pair of kings - LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER. Say, how 'bout some more stills from No Mercy? It was a Stone Cold ass whippin' - and if you paid to see this match, I would think you'd be pretty satisifed with just about ten minutes of said ass whuppin'. The cop car saving Rikishi was pretty swank as well. Seeing Austin get arrested was BITCHIN'. All in all, the whole "match" went much better than I ever expected...but I guess that's why I don't offer my services as a PPV recapper.
In the APA office, Crash thanks the absent Acolytes for the opportunity. Apparently, they're still in the hospital from their terrible beating from last night, and Crash is minding the store. Crash sits down and tries a cigar, but breaks into coughing. Test and Albert appear. Crash asks them who they want him to beat up. "Listen, squirt, I heard from the boys you like to put dirty things in your mouth, but shouldn't you be playing in a sandbox or something?" "Elroy, smokin' will stunt your growth." Elroy stands on a chair and threatens to kick BOTH their butts. They escort Crash out the door. "This place is a dump!" "This place has some potential..." "What are you, Martha Stewart?"
Meanwhile, Chris Jericho extolls the virtues of Fozzy to another chap at the buffet table. Fozzy will perform on Heat, AND Jericho will co-host the show! Jericho turns to walk away and runs into Kane. "Oh! Sorry, Champ - I hope that coffee didn't burn you..." and suddenly realises he's done it again.
"Burn me? You have no idea what it's like to be burnt!"
Kane upends the buffet table.
And now, the WWF Rewind, presented by MTV Sports: Pure Ride from THQ! From No Mercy last night, Chris Jericho superbombs X-Pac from the top turnbuckle in their cage match
Here's a look at the lovely Connecticut state capital.
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: WILLIAM REGAL (already in the ring) v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO - "As goodwill ambassador to the WWF, I probably shouldn't say this, but the vast majority of you, my friends, are uncivilised! Here I stand in the capital, the state of Connecticut knowing full well that the state of Connecticut produces more handguns that kill more people than any other state in the union. And that is why you, my friends, are uncivilised." And now with a retort, Y2J: "Welcome to RAW is JERICHO! And William Regal, or as I like to call ya, Uptight Willie - hell, you're not even worth it." He drops the mic and rushes the ring. I don't know about you, but I'M waiting for the WELL IT'S KANE run-in - ahh, *there* it is. (DQ 2:10) Kane actually shoves Regal aside to get to Jericho - there's a chokeslam. Kane sets the turnbuckles on fire, and blows one of the "Too Cool dancin'" turnbuckle setups as well, which the director tries to hide.
In the APA office, Test and Albert try out acronyms while Stratus puts a blouse on. Albert: "Time for a brewski!" Test: "THAT is exactly why Bradshaw should be wearing a shirt on TV. Drink this." He hands him a Diet Pepsi. "Hey, Trish, how 'bout a game of strip poker?" "I've already been stripped once today, thank you, that's enough." "I got it! I got it! TAPTAPAT! YEAH!" Did P-A-T write this bit?
Hey, finally a limousine pulls into the parking lot. The paparazzi are waiting as Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley...then Kurt Angle get out. Eww, Angle's got PIT STAINS! On the plus side, he *is* wearing the belt around his waist...
TNN - POP
STEPHANIE ONO is out to Kurt Angle's music...which quickly stops as she starts to say "Ladies and gentlemen! I have a VERY SPECIAL presentation to make, right here in Hartford, Connecticut!" Crowd: "That doesn't work when YOU do it." "Not only is this the city where *I* was born...but this is the city where you all will catch the first glimpse of the man I promised would defeat the Rock at No Mercy, and bring home not Olympic Gold, but World Wrestling Federation gold. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion....KURT ANGLE!" The entrance video has the "KING KURT" replaced with shots of Angle's celebration from last night. In addition to his pyro, the ring fills with confetti, balloons, and the RAW credits. Ross predicts a Yankees World Series win. TV-14-DLV-CC boxes. A hearty handshake betwixt the two.
"Thank you, Steph. People, I ask you. What do you consider to be a
successful year? For most people, a successful year would be maybe earning
a little extra money, or getting a promotion, or maybeb spending a little
extra time with your families and loved ones. With all due respect, that's
a bunch of garbage - it's true, it's true! I know that people have
obstacles to overcome in their lives - for most people, it's overcoming
poverty. For some people, it's overcoming impossible odds, like having
accomplished something in your life being born in a city like Hartford,
Connecticut - good job, Steph, good job. For me, it was accomplishing more
in one year than most people will EVER accomplish in their entire LIVES.
Let me take you on a little trip - a pictorial journey, if you will. You
see, four years ago, I captured the Olympic gold medal in the 1996 Olympic
Games in Atlanta, Georgia. And for most people, after capturing the
Olympic gold medal, they would call it a career - it's over, done.
Thankfully, I'm not most people, and that is true. Four years later, I
decide to give it a shot and enter the World Wrestling Federation - the
most celebrated athlete in the World Wrestling Federation. The headlines
scream - and boy, were they on the money! Would you keep it down for a
second, please? A mere two months in the WWF and I captured my first gold
by winning the European championship. And incredibly - here's the footage
- incredibly, tourism grew in Europe 38%! From me!" Music is playing
behind the clips. "Then, only two months later - two months later, I
captured the Intercontinental championship. In this very city, mind you!
And I became the first-ever Euro-continental champion in WWF history.
Well, besides D'Lo Brown, but he doesn't count - we know that. Then, four
months later, four months later, I not only captured gold, but royalty as
well when I was crowned the 2000 King of the Ring. What a memory, look at
that Steph - look at that crown and that sceptre. And unbelievably,
unbelievably, sales of crowns and sceptres grew 49%! I couldn't believe it
either. And then, last night, the greatest accomplishment of all. With
help from my good friend and business partner, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley,
I topped the most amazing 12 months in WWF history and became the WWF
Champion. We will remember that for a lifetime. That, people, is a
successful year. THAT is what separates great men from supermen. With
that in mind, I've wrote a little poem in celebration of my victory. And
the poem is called 'What Makes a Man Super Great?' I'd like to read it to
you tonight! 'Greatness comes in many shapes / Beyond red white and blue /
It's the addition of the colour gold / Yes indeed it's true...'" Well,
interrupts things at this point. "Thank you. I - I
didn't mean to cut in the middle of anything, Kurt, I I'm really not here
to ruin your celebration, I'm here to add to it. I guess you're wondering
why six didn't people in the back didn't come out here and suggest several
creative and painful things to do to you with these balloons...it's simply
because I asked them not to. Because I, Kurt Angle, better than just about
anybody, knows how special a moment it is to stand inside the ring for the
very first time with the WWF title around your waist. And may I say, Kurt,
as not only a fan of your Olympic accomplishments, but as someone who
stands in awe of what you've managed to do in the WWF in less than one year
is truly inspirational, so I'd like to hear it for Kurt Angle. Wait wait,
Kurt, even - even with the title victory - even with the little - the
little tear in your eye up the aisle (I had one too), I couldn't help think
that something was missing - it was actually Jerry 'the King' Lawler who
pointed out to me what it was, and that was, Kurt, you received no
congratulatory hug last night. I understand that because of the strictly
business relationship that you and Stephanie share - besides the fact that
Stephanie was knocked half goofy from a Rock Bototm in the middle of the
ring.....*you* were not a recipient of a congratulatory hug, so - I don't
know if you've heard the rumours, but...I'm a pretty damn good hugger and
I'd like to offer my - my services, be the first to - no, I'm *not*
kidding...If, if it's all right. I'd like to be the first." They go ahead
and embrace...Foley taking the old Letterman position of "hugging longer
than is comfortable." Foley's voice is breaking up - or, at least,
mock-breaking up. "I'm so proud of you...I'm sorry, it's just that, it
really is a special day. 'cause not only is it the first day of your title
reign, Kurt Angle, it's also your very first title defense. Right here in
Hartford, Connecticut! Oh, it's true, it's true, you see Kurt, you will be
defending your WWF title In This Very Ring in a triple threat match. The
other two people in the match are gonna be...your husband, Triple
H...and...the Rock. Thank you for letting me share this special
moment....have a nice day!"
When we come back, Chyna is WALKING! Where's Eddie Guerrero? Going to his dressing room...but he isn't there. However, Mandy & Victoria are. They hem and haw and try to explain how one thing led to another, but Chyna says explanations aren't necessary - in fact, they did her a favour! She should be thanking them! "Well, yeah, if you want to." "I should really thank you properly." She closes the door - we hear lots of sound effects as the camera bobs around a bit. Chyna leaves the room. "You're welcome very much!" We look back inside - where the place is trashed and the ho's are left in a heap.
TOO COOL (with RAW is WAR is brought to you by WWFSHOPZONE.COM, Snickers, and Castrol Motor Oily!) v. TAZZZZZZZZ & RAVEN
- Raven starts with
Hotty - lockup, to he corner, headbutt to the gut by Raven, again, again,
to the opposite corner, boot up, clothesline ducked, DAMN TNN is coming in
awful tonight. Hotty with an arm wringer and back kick. Tag to Sexay -
second rope missile dropkick. Raven fights back to his corner, Sexay
fights out, clubbing both men. Tazz to the eyes...but runs into a
powerslam. Pose and 2 for Sexay. Into the ropes, reversal, Sexay
dropkicks Raven through the ropes. But he turns back into a head-and-arm
Tazzplex. Warriors of Might and Magic provide the Double Feature as Tazz
mauls Sexay back over to his corner and stomps away. Tag - Raven and Tazz
both ramming Sexay's back into the turnbuckle. Into the opposite corner,
bulldog by Raven - 1, 2, kickout. Tag to Tazz, open shot, right, clubbing
forearm, into the ropes, clothesline. Pound, tag to Raven, open shot.
Into the ropes, gutshot, off the ropes with the discus right. 1, 2,
kickout! Coming up, tag team titles on the line! Tag to Tazz, right,
right, tag to Raven, right, snapmare takeover by Raven. Raven going up top
- but Sexay gets up the boots. Tag to Tazz...grabbing the leg to keep him
from tagging - Sexay with an enzuigiri and dive for the HOT TAG! Down goes
Tazz, down goes Raven, Tazz into the ropes, reversal, duck, superkick - 1,
2, Raven breaks it up. Venis vs. Ass later in the hour! Now all four men
are in. Hotty reverses a whip - bulldog - Hotty makes the "I'm gonna do
the Worm face" so Tazz, having dumped Sexay over the top, clotheslines him
down. Holding him for Raven - Hotty ducks and Raven clocks Tazz. Death
suplex by Hotty on Raven - Sexay up top, mit goggles - Hip Hop Drop! Hotty
covers but referee "Blind" Jack Doan is trying to get Sexay back to his
corner. Tazz over, kick to the head, Hotty slaps back - into the corner,
bulldog out. "I'm gonna do the Worm - I MEAN it this time!" W O R M -
Raven with a gutshot and DDT - YEAH! Tazz covers - 1, 2,
3. (4:37) What
about Raven!! Replay of this AMAZINGLY cool ending. 1, 2, 3. Wow, he
pinned him TWICE!
To a dressing room we go, where Christian is attempting to pick the correct goofy pair of sunglasses for tonight's entrance. "You know what the best thing about my boots are? It says Edge on 'em." "I never noticed that before!" Pete Gas walks in and, after failing to borrow some shades, relays the message that Foley wants to see them. Edge offers to take the meeting himself, since Christian's so busy picking out shades and all. Pete: "Can I help?" Christian proclaims him a "barfoid" and declines the offer.
XFL ad - get used to it, you'll be seeing 'em for another three months plus - and that's just before the first snap!
Time now for the Lugz Boot of the Week! From No Mercy last night, Eddie Guerrero dusted off the old "lead pipe in the bouquet" trick...on Chyna
Edge returns, having NOT found Foley, and finds Christian laying amongst the wreckage of a table. "I was just sittin' here...the Dudleyz...my shoulder..." Christian says the title shot will have to be postponed. Edge says that it's the Conquistadors - he'll take them on himself. "I'm gonna bring the titles home, buddy." Hmmm....
MR. ASS (with That Slut Chyna) v. BALD VENIS (with Steven Richards) - Awww, lookit that cute little retarded kid with a "Mr. Ass" sign. You know, I think Angle confetti is STILL falling! Before the match starts, EDDIE GUERRERO saunters out, still with "Mamacita" beginning his music. Chyna is ready to go after him, but Ass volunteers - then runs smack into a Venis clothesline out on the floor. Or whatever it was - the camera missed it. Rolled into the ring. Head to the buckle, right, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, reversed, elbow up by Venis. Venis runs into a powerslam for 2. Head to the buckle by Ass. Double Feature showed that it *was* a clothesline - good guess for me, hooray! Into the ropes is reversed by Venis, back elbow, elbowdrop, kneedrop for 2. WWF Championship match tonight - triple threat rules! Big right hand by Venis. Into the ropes, head down, sunset flip by Ass for 2. Elbow, elbow, elbow, elbow, off the ropes, sleeper by Ass. Venis turns in and hits the Censorbomb...but it only gets a looooong 2. Right hand by Venis. Into the ropes, reversed, duck, double clothesline and both men are down. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long putting on the count - 4, 5,
6, both men are up.
Ass with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, into the rope,
back body drop. Out of the corner, to the opposite corner, Ass with an
avalanche. Jackhammer. Calling for the Fame'Asser, but Richards has the
ankle. Ass pulls HIM in, then takes a shot in the back by Venis. Into the
ropes, double clothesline ducked, Ass with a double clotheslines. Richards
thrown into Venis, taking him outside. Fame'Asser on Venis - 1, 2, 3.
makes "Drat! Curses!" pantomimes...then takes off.
Stephanie tells her husband she's really torn. She should really be with Kurt tonight - he's the champ. "Don't call him the champ...ever. Don't call him that." Of course, emotionally she'd like to be in her husband's corner - oh, if only he'd say the word, and she'd be in his corner emotionally AND professionally! Am I experiencing deja vu? Triple H says once again he does NOT want her in his corner, and furthermore, all he's concerned with is her safety.
WWF Cookbook ad - ohhhh no not tonight
POP POP TNN has POP
Another local Halloween Havoc spot
FX's "Toughman" features "Cops vs. Firemen" - wouldn't you kinda hope that members of these two professions would be smarter than to enter a toughman competition?
Jerry Lawler leches it up at the Las Vegas XFL cheerleader tryouts. Maybe he should just start cruising elementary school playgrounds and save some steps. Please leave the camera crew at home. No evidence for you, and we're spared having to watch it. Everybody wins!
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: EDGE (with Earlier Tonight) v. LOS CONQUISTADORS - "Due to the cowardly attack perpetrated on my partner, Christian, by the Dudleyz, I have been left no choice but to heroically and singlehandedly take on the most feared and one of the most reviled tag teams ever in the history of the World Wrestling Federation - Los Conquistadors! And I'm gonna TOTALLY bring home the gold!" As Double Gold comes out, Edge seems...puzzled. Probably can't figure which one is Christian. Lockup, side headlockby Edge - powered out, shoulderblock by Edge. Drop toehold by Edge. Edge smiles and makes the "I want da belt" hand motion. Surprise inside cradle by the Conquistador for 2 - Edge with a shove. His opponent begs off. "What are you doin'?" Ross says he didn't think he knew English. Kick, pound, pound, into the corner, clothesline, shoving him down - 1, 2, kickout. Conquistadors tag. Edge runs at them, but they doubleteam him in the corner. To the opposite corner, well that looks like Poetry in Motion. That looks like the Twist of Fate. And that looks like a swantonbomb - 1, 2, 3. Champs...retain? And off they waddle. (1:43) CHRISTIAN is back out asking what's up - well, HE wasn't under a mask. At the top of the ramp, they unmask to reveal themselvs as...THE HARDY BOYZ. *This* brings out COMMISSIONER McFOLEY. "Wait a second! What the heck is going on here? How could you be the Conquistadors when you guys just wrestled the Conquistadors last night at No Mercy? Has there been a lapse in the space-time continuum? Or maybe, Edge, maybe they used your space-time machine. The possibilites could be endless - endless, that is, until I received some double secret footage - you see, last - a few minutes ago, when you told the cameramen to get lost, they got lots, but unfortunately, they didn't turn their cameras off, resulting in a piece of footage that you'll find most enjoyable, let's take a look right there."
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight and the four men with Cole, where the cameraman left his camera on the floor...and on. "All right guys, you've done a really good job so far, but I have to admit that last night, we looked a lot better in those gold outfits than you guys did when we beat the Hardyz for those tag team titles." "Yeah, look - Rick, Sparky, after tonight, after our little "match," you guyscan head back to New Jersey or the Sunoco station or wherever it is that you guys come from, all right? Thanks a lot, we'll see you guys out there." "Mass confusion rules!" High ten!
Back to the ring, where Edge & Christian are making faces. Foley: "Oooh! You guys are like so totally busted, man! Holy bustapalooza! You see, after I saw that footage I arranged a little business meeting between Jeff and Matt and those other Conquistadors, and let's just say the Hardyz coerced them into giving up their nice, shiny, metallic gold outfits. But, you see, that brings up another problem - by masquerading as the Conquistadors last night at No Mercy, you directly defied a mandate that I gave you saying Edge & Christian would receive no more title shots against the Hardyz! But wait, wait - I admire your creativity - you completely fooled the WWF Commissioner, and as a result, I am going to allow your tag team title last night at No Mercy. Well, that's the good news. The bad news is that title victory will go down in the annals of WWF history as one of the shortest title reigns of all time. You see, I am also allowing tonight's match title change, so your new WWF tag team champions...Los....Conquista-hardyz. Yeah!" High fives all around - and NOW THE SHIRTS COME OFF!
The ONLY problem with that "swerve" is about a MILLION people came up with that ahead of time. There were a lot of cool things you could have done with the Conquistadors! It just seems like a wasted plot element to wrap it up this quickly...or have they?
Backstage, Michael King Cole gets his makeup touched up. Rikishi barges in on him and tells him to tell the Rock that he *will* help him
the WWF title tonight.
When Man Rides Bull - Only On TNN
TNN, by the way, has POP
Don't forget - WWF takes over Wall Street with a live event Wednesday at noon!
Ironically, they cut to a look at the NASDAQ center....on their way to showing off WWF New York
Inside WWF New York, and Earlier Tonight, TIGER ALI SINGH and LO DOWN enjoyed a meal. Singh flashed a wad of cash and waved it in their general direction...
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: THE NEW MAN (with Warriors of Might and Magic presents Survivor Series - 19 November!) v. IF YA SMELLLLLL v. AD BREAK - Angle's music plays twice, but the Champ doesn't emerge. We look backstage, where Stephanie and Angle are standing near the other side of the curtain. "The music - shouldn't we go out there?" "Hang on a second, Kurt. You're the champ...make 'em wait!" "Yeah...yeah, you're right - I *am* the Champion!" You know, I *thought* we had quite a lot of time left in this show...
Subway Series got pop?
WWFvote.com spot - Foley, Terri, Snow, Tazz, Angle. Visit www.vote-smart.org or youthvote2000.org OR call 1 888 VOTE SMART and learn about the candidates!
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: THE NEW MAN v. IF YA SMELLLLLLL v. KING KURT ANGLE (with Stephanie Ono) in a triple threat match - H and Rock stand nose to nose when we come back. Angle finally comes out, and neither man budges. Angle with a quizzical look. The rest of the confetti falls at this point. Angle with a "hello?" Rock and H both pop him one simultaneously and the match starts. H with a right, Rock with a right, H, Rock, H, into the ropes, double back elbow. Rock puts him in the corner, Angle ducks the clothesline out and take down H with a clothesline. Now Rock's clothesline lands. Stomp, stomp, into the ropes, reversal, Rock collides with H, who goes to the outside. Angle clotheslines Rock. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Would they put Angle winning the WWF title in his entrance video only to have him lose it tonight? Rock stood up in the corner - right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversal, Samoan Drop by the Rock. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. Rock off the ropes...but H lowers the bridge! H in the ring, Angle with a right, H on Angle with a right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, shove for referee "Blind" Earl Hebner, into the opposite corner is reversed, Angle's clothesline is ducked, hangman's neckbreaker gets 2. H with a right. Into the ropes, clothesline is ducked, Angle with a waistlock and a nice German suplex.
Right. Where's Rock this whole time? Don't tell me he's
SELLING. Right, right, off the ropes, Rock grabs Angle's ankle and pulls
him outside. Right by Rock, head to the apron, walked over to the
commentary table where H joins them. Rock slams Angle's head into the
commentary table. H says "I can do that." Rock says "Ah, but can you do
that?" H says "I've been known to do that." Rock says "I'm doing this!"
H decides to clothesline him to change it up - Angle all the way over the
table and rolling over to the floor. H rolls back in the ring while Rock
grabs Angle - head to the timekeeper's table. Right, right, right, right,
right, Rock turns around - he hears Stephanie making some noise. Rock
turns her way...H immediately leaves the ring and heads him off, but Rock
blocks the right and hits one of his own. Rock with a right to Angle,
right, Angle manages to swing the ring bell but Rock ducks and Angle pastes
H with it. Stephanie's arguing with Hebner, looks like. Rock right, head
to the barricade is blocked, Angle gutshot, head to the barricade lands.
Angle rolls Rock in, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Right, right, Rock
turns it around with a gutshot and DDT. Stephanie has Hebner outside
checking on her husband. Rock notices nobody's counting his cover and
walks over to see what's up. Angle with a blind right. Stomp, stomp,
stomp. Here comes the gurney. Vertical suplex by Angle. Stomp, stomp,
standing on the neck. We watch the EMT's for a while. Angle stomps on
Rock. Stomp. H is on the stretcher and is being wheeled away. A second
Warriors of Might and Magic Double Feature of Angle's bell shot on Triple
H. Meanwhile, in the live shot, Rock has decided he's all right after all
- block, right, right, right, into the ropes, duck, Angle with the Olympic
Slam! Cover...no referee! Hebner finally back in - 1, 2, kickout! Stomp,
stomp, stomp, now we look back to see H fighting off of the stretcher...and
staggering back to the ring. Angle with a right on Rock, H with a right on
H, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, clothesline ducked, but the
high knee finds the mark. Rock clotheslined out. Gutshot for Angle -
Pedigree! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, Rock pulls him out! Clothesline on the
floor. Rock back in...Angle runs at him...Rock Bottom! 1, 2, H pulls
*Rock* off of Angle. Rock pulls H in by the hair, but H drops down with a
hot shot. H in - right, right, right, into the ropes, head down, swinging
neckbreaker by Rock. Right, right, right, into the ropes, head down,
facebuster by H. Angle content to watch for now. Gutshot by Triple H -
going for the Pedigree, but Angle flies in with the belt, crowns H with it,
and tosses the belt outside. Hebner somehow misses all this. Angle goes
outside to bring the belt in a second time, and gives *Rock* a beltshot.
Hebner sees THIS, but apparently lets it go. RIKASHMONEY waddles out -
right for Angle, oh are you kidding me? (DQ 8:51) right, right, into
ropes, Angle holds on and pulls himself outside. Crowd chants "Austin" -
they know what's coming, and so do you. I hear glass, STONE COLD STEVE
AUSTIN barrels down the aisle, clotheslining Angle
in the process, into the
ring where he and Rikishi trade punches with sound and fury. Now it's all
Austin. Now he's stomping a mudhole in him. Angle in - forearm to the
back of Austin, right, right, into the ropes, clothesline is ducked,
WHAM STUNNER #20 for Angle! Rikishi makes a hasty
escape while Austin is
occupied. Play his music! Throw him beer! Put up the credits! And WE
TNN's "WWF got pop" interview
RAW is WAR returns to the San Jose Arena 8 January 2001! Tickets on sale Friday 3 November! Smack down your vote!
Okay, THAT'S all. See you Thursday!