LIFE: If I wasn't already about 24 hours behind, I'd have a page and a half of A-List material on "How I Played the La Guardia Lottery...and Lost," but I *am* 24 hours behind, so let's bust out the excuse and then bust the proverbial IT. I was supposed to be back in Sunnyvale earlier, but an extra hour of taxiing ensured that I'd miss my connection. Delta tried to get me to spend a night in Atlanta, but what fun would THAT have been? WCW isn't even in town! So I managed to get on a flight to San Francisco, then catch a shuttle home. Unfortunately, I ended up falling asleep for a million years, so your report is a day late. Sorry.

GENERAL RULE: Anybody who refers to himself as an "Internet personality" probably isn't. For instance, *I* am not an Internet personality. (Figure THAT one out.)

WRESTLEMANIACS - WHAT DO IT MEAN? Okay, I know who Rick Scaia is...and I *think* I know who "CRZ" is.....who the heck are all these OTHER people?

QUICK QUOTE: WWF 14 (- 2 ... last year: 23 1/16)

TONIGHT: Hey, how come this promo is right after a septic take treatment ad? Anyway, the Rock will be in the house! Also...the Undertaker will be in the house! Sounds like one o' them "no match" promos. Hey...sooner or later, maybe I'll be IN THE HOUSE! Damn the deregulated air industry! Damn you, SAMMO

Opening Credits

BOOM PYRO TNN RAW! From the sooooooold out (Pimpin' Ho's) Nationwide Arena in Columbus, OH and we ARE nationwide - from WWF New York and in YOUR house! WE ARE LIVE as live can be 13.11.2K and before the smoke can clear...

KING KURT ANGLE is out with an entrance befitting the standardbearer of the World Wrestling Federation - sign in crowd: "RECOUNT - ANGLE NEW PRES." This man faces the Undertaker Sunday at Survivor Series - remember nine years ago when Undertaker scored his first championship? "Can I please have your attention? People...I enjoy the reputation as not only the greatest, but the most fightingest WWF champion in recent history. Which is why I challenge the Undertaker this Sunday at Survivor Series. In taking on, and defeating the Undertaker, I will prove that I am who I say I am...an Olympic Gold Medalist, WWF Champion AND a superior athlete! But that's not all...Undertaker, American 'Badass' ... I will prove to everyone that you are who you say you are, too - both 'bad' and 'an ass.' It's true! And as far as tonight is concerned, I have accepted a challenge to defend my WWF Championship to a man who INSISTS that he can beat me with one arm tied behind his back. Someone who is thick headed, which I guess pretty much runs in his family, and someone who needs to be taught another lesson - which I'm more than willing to teach. And Undertaker...I hope you're takin' notes."

WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: KING KURT ANGLE v. CRASH (with Molly Holly) - Crash was the mystery opponent last night on Heat, but buggered if I actually saw it - I think it's on tape, though, and I'll get back to you. Crash DOES have an arm tied behind his back, making him relatively easy pickings for our champion. Triple H (back) and Rikishi (nose) both have the night off...or do they? Crash unties his arm as Angle stops to gloat to the fans...he's raring to go NOW! Clothesline! Into the ropes, jumping back elbow, but Angle goes behind and hits a big, BIG German suplex. Back to stompin' for Angle. Vertical suplex. Stomp. Head to the buckle, right, right, Angle responds to the catcalls from the crowd - to the right, right, right, right, right, but Crash turns it around and HE goes to the rights and kicks. Into the opposite corner is reversed, but Crash gets the boots up...but runs into an Angle powerslam. Right by Angle - into the ropes, back elbow. Going for the death suplex but Angle backflips out...run to the ropes, where Molly is on the apron - huh? - and Angle knocks her too the floor. Crash with a gutshot - DDT - 1, 2, NNNNNNOOOOOOO! Into the ropes by Crash, head down, gutshot by Angle - Crash ducks a clothesline - going for a leapfrog but Angle catches him and drops him on his face with a nasty flapjack variant. Angle to the anklelock...and Crash taps. (2:54) Referee "Blind" Tim White works extra hard to get Angle to break the hold...but after he finally does, Angle grabs a STEEL chair - WHACK in the back! Save is made by ... hey! HARDCORE KOOL MOE DEE is back! How you like him now? He's ALL over Angle following the clip. Now EDGE & CHRISTIAN are out to get onto Holly...but now HEY HEY HEY HEY is running out to clear the ring of Edge & Christian. Angle tries a right hand...but 'Taker just smiles. Angle makes like the wind as Kid Rock fires up again.

In the T&APA office, Trish Stratus flips a coin to see which of her men will tag up with Kane tonight. T&A smartly have their eyes in the right direction when she bends over to figure out it's "tails." Test wins (loses?) the flip.

Moments Ago, Hardcore Holly made his triumphant return with a rather brutal looking clip on Kurt Angle. You might recall that Angle broke Holly's arm with his first successful moonsault five months ago on SmackDown! Well, maybe not, but I just told you again. And here comes the Undertaker...that's a nice smile after he ate the right hand.

Kurt Angle & Edge & Christian hit up Da Commish - is this the WWF or the WWTHMIF - "the world what the hell...more interference federation?" Somehow, Foley decides the way to cut the interference is to simply book all six of them in a match - TONIGHT!

Wait...are Crash and Hardcore friends again? Damn those familial ties!

Can Crash have his last name back now?

Out in the parking garage, a black limousine pulls up...who's in it? WHO I ask you? It's....hey! It's the Radicalz and Terri!

"No Mercy" for the N64 ad - those Dudley Boyz are so MEAN

"WCW Mayhem" ad in the local slot

Wow! Columbus sure is UGLY! But the Nationwide Arena is BEYOOTIFUL

The R4DICALZ & NIPPLES are out to their old music and video (and "z" endin' word) and I can't think of a better group to give a fifteen minute interview segment to...right? Benoit will speak first. "There was a time...when I didn't get along with the man they call The Game, Triple H. But after being in the ring with him - after watching what kind of a man he truly is - a man that'll do just aboot anything (hehe) and everything to get ahead - that man, Triple H, is a man that I can now respect. Hell, I always knew that it took a lot more than being the Best Damn Technical Wrestler in the WWF to get where I wanna be - hell, we all knew! So we reformed the Radicalz! And we've come up with one hell of a game plan - and what better of a plan that to team up with the Game. Roll footage! Triple H has come to us in the past for help - and we were there. So when he came to us this time, we didn't think twice aboot it! 'cause when it comes to playing the WWF's game, Triple H is That Damn Good. So...the Rock...Austin? The men you cheer for - the men you believe in? Well, those men...are ootnumberd. Ootclassed! And if they get in our way...those men will be oot cold, and that's just the way it is. So if anyone doesn't like what we're saying here, they're more then welcome to come and Prove Us Wrong!" Guerrero: "(something in Spanish - ornuacopa?) You know, ese - me and Triple H have something in common - we were both smart enough to kick Chyna,

Backstage, the camera catches up to Kane working over Chris Jericho, throwing him into a garage door, a heavy metal case, and a catering table. Kane actually shoves aside the refs and officials when they attempt to stop him...then he throws Jericho through a window! WOW! Slaughter yells for an ambulance as we go to break.

Moments ago...one paragraph ago

Coming back live (well...live enough to get bleeped), Jericho is lacerated in many areas

THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ (with wwf.com logo) v. TAZZ & RAVEN - D'Von and Raven start...after a brief discussion between Raven and Tazz about who's starting for their team. Gutshot by Raven, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, jumping back elbow by Dudley - flying jalapeno for Tazz as he comes in - golly the smoke takes a while to clear in this building - back to Raven with a right, but Raven punches back and takes him to the unfriendly corner - D'Von punches and elbows to try to get out, but falls into a clothesline from Raven for 2. Tag to Tazz - back to the turnbuckle, again, again. Tazz says he's got him, eats a right, kick, kick, right, right, right, DAMN look at all the smoke. Raven with heads in the gut. Lawler: "Is the fog rollin' in on Lake Erie?" This is like the Eagles/Bears game. Into the corner, bulldog out. 1, 2, kickout by D-Von. D-Von with a surprise rollup for 2. Crowd probably can't see a damn thing at this point. Raven with a right, tag to Tazz, holding him for a forearm. Into the ropes, duck by D-Von, but not this clothesline. Cover - Buh Buh Ray breaks it up. Head to the buckle - tag to Raven. D-Von with repeated rights, into the corner hard, boot up by Raven and D-Von falls. Snapmares him over, elbowdrop, another elbowdrop, another elbowdrop. Tazz wants the tag and gets it. A little discussion. They go for...who knows, Total Elimination maybe? But D-Von ducks and Raven and Tazz end up colliding with each other. Buh Buh Ray wants to get in this match already. Raven and Tazz having words - there's the HOT TAG! Double clothesline! Tazz thrown out - Raven into the ropes, big sidewalk slam. "Wassup" is cut short as Tazz comes in...Buh Buh Ray with a bodyslam for HIM and now they DO hit "wassup" as referee "Blind" Chad Patton tries to get Raven back to his corner. Testify dance. D-Von, get the table. Raven throws a baseball slide dropkick to D-Von as he goes for the table, though. Back in the ring where a distracted Buh Buh Ray takes a T-bone Tazzplex. Now *Raven* brings in the table...well, tries to - they're having problems getting the legs caught up in the ropes. D-Von and Raven brawl on the outside while Tazz positions the table in a corner. Everybody back in - D-Von ducks and Raven clocks Tazz instead. Oops! Buh Buh Ray puts Raven through the ropes - and then Tazz tastes 3D - the Dudley Death Drop. Buh Buh Ray covers - 1, 2, 3. (5:03) They take off...without using the table.

Backstage, Michael King Cole stands alongside...Tiger Ali Singh and Lo Down? Apparently, that interview is coming up!

Back to the parking area, where the Rock's limo has arrived! And now the Rock is WALKING!

When we come back, it's a visit to the Radicalz' dressing room. Eddie likes the spread, but Malenko isn't into the fruit and vegetable platters. "We need some meat around here!" Saturn: "What's wrong with fruit? I like fruit..." Benoit: "You guys wanna order some food? Let's order some damn food...but let's not forget what tonight's about..." Benoit looks at...the phone? Guerrero says "Orale."

Your hosts are a pair of kings - LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER.

Michael King Cole stands with TIGER ALI SINGH & LO DOWN...but quickly walks away before Singh can say four words, as he's spotted the Rock walking past. He asks him for his reaction to tonight's eight man booked earlier in the show. Rock says the last time he saw the Radicalz, they were sticking their noses where they didn't belong. Since Rikishi isn't in the house tonight, he'll use the Radicalz to send a message to Rikishi. It's the holidays, so the Rock says it's gift time for the Radicalz - for Benoit, a set of Wolverine testicles. For Malenko, six inches - no no, not there "where you need it, so the Rock has heard" - no, to make him a 5'2" champion. For Saturn, he'll slap his crooked eye straight. And, for Guerrero, three gifts - a big sombrero, a donkey, and a nice hot bottle of tequila. Rock does his Tatanka impersonation for some reason. And, for Rikishi, as it's more personal than it's ever been, HIS special gift is that at Survivor Series, Rikishi will smell what the Rock is cooking.

Kurt Angle, pondering his increased workload says "what the heck" - Edge says not to worry, they have a plan - "I'll take Crash, Christian will take Hardcore and you take the 'taker!" Christian: "See, I had a different vision - I'LL take Crash, YOU take Hardcore and Kurt will still take the 'taker." Angle bemoans his fate, but Edge & Christian have the solution to his woes - a kazoo rendition of Crash's theme music. "It is Crash / It is Crash Holly / he is dumb / but otherwise jolly / he had a scale / but now he doesn't / Hardcore Holly / is his hick cousin..." "Guys, guys, guys - please - just go, I'll meet you out there. All right?" They walk off. "Sometimes they call him Elroy Jetson..."

Back to Cole, Singh and Lo Down...but Jericho interrupts, demanding to see Foley. Cole points the way - but why? Jericho says he wants Kane at Survivor Series - and he promises to chop him down. He leaves blood all over Cole, ewwww!

The Holly family is WALKING!

Meanwhile, the Undertaker is WALKING!

Survivor Series promo - it is SUNDAY! Angle vs. Undertaker! Rock vs. Rikishi! And Austin vs. Triple H! Anybody else starting to think we're not getting any teams of five striving to survive? ("Yeah, actually, a few weeks ago. Where were you?" "Oh, sorry - I've been busy with this awards thing.")

"No Mercy" ad #2

The WWF Rewind is sponsored by THQ's "WWF No Mercy" for the Nintendo 64! From SmackDown! last Thursday, Undertaker pinned Chris Jericho to become the #1 Contender...this Sunday at Survivor Series!

KING KURT ANGLE & EDGE & CHRISTIAN (with RAW Credits & TV-14-DLV-CC boxes) v. KOOL MOE DEE & CRASH (with Molly Holly & WWF.com logo)

Hey! Steve Austin has FINALLY arrived - and he's WALKING!

WWF Shop Zone dot com ad

Chris Jericho be eatin' that ravioli, yo

Hey, LOOK! It's the Hardy Boyz and Lita - and they're WALKING! Debra catches up to them and tells them that they're all getting title shots tonight in their six man with Right to Censor. Matt: "Could be a good night for Team Xtreme..."

Another look at our hosts. This just in: Lawler likes puppies

STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN is out in camo jacket, new T-shirt and tight, tight shorts. And no kneebraces, so nothing physical THIS segment. Say something, already! "Austin!" No, not YOU, crowd.

"No Mercy" for the N64 ad #3

The WWF Slam of the Week is presented by 3DO's "Warriors of Might and Magic!" From RAW last week, the Right to Censor won - or stole - the tag team championships from the Hardy Boyz.

HARDY BOYZ & LITA (with RAW is WAR is brought to you by THQ's "WWF No Mercy", Castrol Motor Oily, and Magic: the Gathering!) v. WALL BUCHANAN & GOODFATHER & IVORY with all three titles on the line - Pier Six out on the ramp before the bell - good luck to referee "Blind" Jim Korderas. Buchanan puts Jeff into the STEEL steps, hard. Jeff comes up with a limp as he and Buchanan hit the ring. Buchanan with an armbar takedown. Stomp, stomp, loads of badmouthin'. Tag to Goodfather. Shoulder-first into the buckle. Stomp, stomp, stomp by Goodfather. Wrenching the arm down. Shoulder into the buckle. Wrapping the arm around the top rope, standing on the neck, into the opposite corner, but Hardy sidesteps the followup splash. He's over to tag Matt - but Lita steals the tag! Matt expresses some outrage while Goodfather acts bemused...but, unfortauntely, HE's too close to Ivory, who tags HERSELF in. Clothesline by Lita. Snapmare/beal/something. Wailing away with rights. Into the ropes, reversed, clothesline by Ivory. Stomp. Stomp. Funny to see Ivory hike up her dress to do that stompin'. Scoop is reversed into a Slop Drop...going for the moonsault - and landing it! 1, 2, Goodfather pulls her off. Matt is in...and while Korderas puts him out, Goodfather hits a sidewalk slam on Lita. Korderas back over - 1, 2, Lita kicks out! Tag to Buchanan...who is QUITE amused. Grabbing her by the hair...Korderas turns his back to warn the Hardys JUST in time to miss Lita's trick knee acting up. Tag to Matt! Flying clothesline from the top rope! Both Jeff and Lita hit the ring to throw shots to their opposites in the other corner - and everybody falls to the floor. Jeff with a pescado onto Goodfather! Back in the ring, whip into the opposite corner is reversed, Hardy gets the boots up. Lita climbing up...scray rana HITS! Matt with a second rope legdrop - 1, 2, GOODFATHER SAVES!! Right, right, into the ropes, no, clothesline, no, Matt tosses Goodfather outside, ducks a clothesline from Buchanan, gutshot, Twist of Fate! Lita bowls over Ivory as Jeff is tagged in - swantonbomb! 1, 2, Goodfather pulls Korderas outside and DECKS him. Hey, I think he just saved the titles. (DQ 3:56) Matt throws some forearms, then drops to all fours for a boost as Jeff runs up to splash him. BALD VENIS joins this party as a Pier Seven brawl erupts. Into a clothesline on the outside for Matt. Jeff takes a Censorbomb, Ivory steps on Lita's throat, Buchanan with a belly-to-belly suplex on Matt, Ivory with a DDT. Did Ivory hurt her ankle?

Chyna and Billy Gunn share a tender (nausea-inducing) moment.

XFL

"WCW Mayhem" local promo #2

The Radicalz' catering has arrived. "Where shall I put this?" Malenko and Saturn toss the fruit and vegetable platters over their shoulders. Meanwhile, Benoit is on the phone. "Yeah - just like you thought we got the match - everything is under control - uh huh - there'll be no problems."

WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: WILLIAM REGAL v. ROAD DOGG - "Hallo to all my friends here in Columbus, and a jolly good evening to each and every one of you. Now, I've noticed that your presidential election is in somewhat of a tie. And being a gesture of goodwill, I offer a solution: what you need in this country is a monarchy. Just think how your lives would improve if you had a king or a queen in command instead of some president who will no doubt turn out to be a lying philanderer, like all of your other presidents! And with a monarchy, people from foreign countries that live and work here (such as myself) will be proud to be a part of this nation, and not just consider it a place to make my fortune off your hard-earned money, thank you very much, thank you." Let Us Take You Back to Heat where K Quick was hangin' out - this clip almost obscures Dogg tell Regal that tonight's "not a monarchy, but anarchy, bitch!" Dogg runs at him and they lock up...Dogg to the side headlock, William tries an arm bar, Dogg around to the side headlock, Regal punching out, into the ropes, shoulderblock by Dogg, off the ropes, up and over, Regal tries a back elbow, but Dogg catches it an spins around into a hiplock takeover, Japanese armdrag, Mexican armdrag, holy cats who KNEW Road Dogg still had all these moves in him? Into the ropes, Regal holds on, gutshot, European forearm, stomp, stomp. Vertical suplex. 1, 2, Dogg kicks out. They sold fifty THOUSAND WrestleMania tickets this weekend? Come ON. Regal goes for another cover immediately - another 2. Regal tries one more time - and again gets 2. Knee to the head, right knee, left knee, DOUBLE kneelift, and Dogg crumples. Repeated European forerarms to the back of the head - referee "Blind" Teddy Long warns him to stay off the dreads. Going for a scoop, but Dogg reverses into an inside cradle for 2. Regal stomps away. Forearm. Regal puts a knee in the back and goes to the crossface. Really GRINDING it in here. Bringing him up by the hair - European forearm. Six more in the corner. Regal's awesome. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Dogg, ducks a clothesline, left, left, left, juke, jive, right, off the ropes with the wiggle wobbly woolly kneedrop, but as he goes to cover, some music hits and out flies K KWIKK with a microphone to Regal's head. (DQ 2:41) Now, you'd think that this would kinda annoy Road Dogg, but .... they start RAPPING? --the hell? Sign in front row: "NOT ACCEPTABLE!" They break into "2 Real G'z Gettin' Rowdy"

Backstage, Foley and Debra bust a move.

Why is Road Dogg so happy that that dude just cost him the European Championship?

What the hell was so wrong with having wrestling?

At WWF New York, STEVEN RICHARDS attempts to convert the masses with pamphlets. "I have saved the pimp, I have saved the pornstar, and I can save every one of you!"

Foley and Debra talk about matchmaking, especially regarding Survivor Series. This is actually a clever way to run down the list of matches:

Meanwhile, backstage, Rock and Benoit continue to fight backstage - cyclone fencing, into the conveniently placed pile of metal poles - into a Pepsi machine (Ross: "Have a Pepsi, Benoit!"), Rock with a garbage can to the head. Benoit manages to fight back, putting Rock into a concrete wall - now kicking away - and motioning to...huh? A car drives into the shot, knocking over a light stand - Rikishi leans out the window with a sledgehammer and takes down the Rock - as we see that Triple H is behind the wheel (tonight). "That's the way it's gonna be, Rock - that's the way it is today...and that's the way it's gonna be this Sunday. See you at Survivor Series. Withcher punk ass." They pile in the car...and drive off. War Zone credits are up as Rock holds his side and looks at them drive off...

WWF logo

RAW is WAR at the San Jose Arena LIVE Monday, 8 January! Get tickets NOW!