/20 November 2000
WWF RAW is WAR
WWF 13 1/8 (-
7/8 ... last year: 22 13/16)
PPV: Rick was right and Scott was wrong - wait, I say that EVERY month
AWARDS: Already got sixty ballots! By next week, I'll have a webified version, but you should go find it on Usenet NOW! Here's a link to the call for votes if your browser has a news server specified, a link to the past winners and category descriptions, a link to the list of nominations, and finally a link to the official ballot. Jump on board!
CATCHY LYRIC: BIRD OF PREY...BIRD OF PREY...FLYING HIGH...FLYING HIGH...BIRD OF PREY...BIRD OF PREY...IN THE SUMMER SKY...FLYING HIGH...
TONIGHT: Hot off the heels of a polarizing pay-per-view, tonight we'll have a first-ever "Tables vs. Titles" match! The Dudleyz will either win the titles...or forego the use of tables! A big pair tag team pairings as Rock and Chris Jericho team against Rikishi and Kane! Plus, we'll see the shocking conclusion of Survivor Series! Is Triple H still with us? All signs point to....tune in at 9
One World TV-14-DLV-CC Leader Attitude - WWF!
LAST NIGHT: Although you gotta ask - how *did* Helmsley MISS that GIANT forklift coming right at him?
Well, we haven't heard ten bells by now, so I guess he ain't dead - otherwise, it's really out of place to have all this PYRO! WE ARE LIVE from the Waterhouse Centre in Orlando, FL 20.11.2K and transmitido en espanol SAP on TNN and maybe TSN for WWF RAW is WAR!
OH NO THEY'RE GONNA BLOW THE WHOLE THING - oh, wait. "My Time" (the old one) plays and out walks....STEPHANIE ONO! In case you've been missing out, let me relate to you that the latest "smart" thing for you to do to look "smart" is to openly and publicly bash Stephanie for "writing 100% of the show," which apparently sucks now. And THIS, my friends, is why "smart" fans are by and large, and for the most part...*idiots*. Yeah, you too. ESPECIALLY you. Nutjob. And you want us to think you're making a LIVING doing this? Jesus Christ. Now where was I? Ahh, yes....clad completely in black, Stephanie (who, despite extensive AND derisive reports to the contrary, DOES NOT appear to be carrying a book of some kind) is ready to address the live crowd - AND you and me! "It's a miracle! It is truly a miracle that my husband Hunter is alive! After what Austin did to Triple H last night at Survivor Series...I mean, Austin RAMMED Hunter's car, jacked it up some forty feet in the air, and then just DUMPED the car CRASHING to the pavement! The car flipped in midair - it landed on its roof - the roof was all crunched in! The car was totalled! I THANK GOD - I thank God that Triple H even survived! I would be at Triple H's bedside right now if he didn't ask me to come to this arena tonight and speak on his behalf to all of you! Okay...I know a lot of you don't like my husband, Triple H. But after what Austin did to Triple H last night, I know that you are all deeply concerned for his physical condition. Miraculously, Hunter didn't suffer one broken bone...but, but he does have severe contusions, and and deep lacerations, not to mention.... ["Austin!"] Not to mention all the mental trauma. The doctor has Triple H under medical care for the next few days...maybe even until Thanksgiving. The doctor says it was a miracle Hunter was able to breathe on his own. But then, holidays are all about miracles, aren't they? ["Austin!"] Y'know, I'm not sure if it's because of the holiday season drawing so near, or if it's because of his near-death experience, but Hunter is finally listening to me...he finally understands that this thing between he and Stone Cold Steve Austin has got to end, and it's got to end right now. Hunter wanted me to come here tonight and offer his deepest, his deepest regrets for many of the things he has done. And I regret the things that I have done, too. Triple H wanted me to publicly apologise to Stone Cold Steve Austin...and to all of you! I know, I know...I don't expect any of you to believe us - I mean, why should you? But, I'm here to apologise on Triple H's behalf nonetheless. Triple H does not hold anything against Stone Cold, and neither do I, but quite frankly the stakes are just too high. I nearly lost my husband last night. But speaking of life and about miracles...I wanna let you know where I've been the past few weeks. Hunter and I have been trying to discover the miracle of life together. (Uh oh...) I'm not talking about our marriage or, or, even relationships, but about FAMILY. Triple H and I are trying to have a baby! So... ["slut!"] Hey, now I'm not sure if it's because of this brush with death, but Triple H finally realises what's important in life - it's his family, and his legacy, so Steve...I'm begging you to come out here...please come out here and accept Triple H and my apology on behalf of my future family. Please end this thing between you, Austin, and my husband Triple H...before it ends us all." "Austin!" I hear glass, must be time for STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN to STEP OFF BECAUSE THE MAN SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING and stagger to all four corners. I hope he'll say "at least I got my hat back!" Austin has a mic of his own. "You know you come out here and you're talkin' about miracles - honey, let me tell you what a miracle is - a miracle is the fact that I don't give you a Stone Cold Stunner right here right now for bein' so full o' CRAP! However, you come out here, apologise about this, apologise about that - hey I got some apologies I wanna make too. Now I ain't gonna say I'm sorry for raisin' Triple H forty feet up in the air and droppin' him on his head, because I enjoyed every second of it. What I *am* sorry about is the fact that I didn't scoop that car up again, and drop that sumbitch as many times as it took to get that job done! Hell, I'm sorry 'bout the fact that he's layin' in the hospital bed right now instead of down there at the county morgue! I'm sorry right now I gotta smell your stinkin' breath when you should be at the funeral home pickin' up a casket! Then, you got the nerve to ask me to accept Triple H's apology. You got the nerve to ask Stone Cold Steve Austin that. So I'll tell you what I'm gonna do...I'm gonna give you a little message to take back to Triple H - I'm gonna g- no no no no. I could give you a message to take back to Triple H, but I know the sumbitch is in a hospital bed with the TV - with his TV right there in front of him, so Hunter, look at your little TV screen. Does Stone Cold accept your apology? (middle finger) Eh eh! That's what I think about your little apology, and you know - what really, what really gets me sick to my stomach, I hear you come out here and you flap your gums about having a baby with Triple H. I regret the day that comes around when I drive up to the hospital on that day to offer my condolences - roll over and look at that little, uh, incubator thing, look down there and see a fifteen pound nose so full o' manure they can't keep diapers on the little bastard." "(sobbing) How can you say th--" "Shut up! You look at me - woman, you look me in my eyes, and you go back there and you get your ass out of this ring and you tell Triple H that it ain't over, it ain't over by a long shot, between Triple H and Stone Cold Steve Austin, and that's the bottom line 'cause Stone Cold said so." Ladies and gentlemen, we have an attempted heel turn. Stephanie walks off crying. Before Austin can get a beer, CHRIS BENOIT's music interrupts and
oot he comes. "You know, for someone that claims to be THE toughest
SOB in the World WRESTLING Federation, I don't see a hell of a lot of
wrestling! Sure, you've proven to *everyone* that you're DAMN good with a
forklift...(sarcastic clap)...and yeah, you might be pretty good with a
Stunner, too. But you know what, Steve, *I* have been toe to toe with you,
and I am not impressed. So I wonder just how well you'd fare in an actual
'wrestling' match...you do know what this is, Steve? *Wrestling?* THE
business that we're in? One man versus another? No monster trucks, no
chef hat, no forklifts, no...Steve, just WRESTLING. And if you don't, why
don't you step in the ring tonight and let *me* teach you, 'cause when you
step into the ring with the best damn technical wrestler in the entire
industry, you will leave knowing that there is no way you will EVER Prove
Me Wrong, and that is just the way it is!" "Well, then allow me to rebut.
You know, I hear everybody flapping their gums every week about how Chris
Benoit is the greatest technical wrestler in the history of the World
Wrestling Federation - I think that's just fine and dandy because, hell,
Stone Cold Steve Austin probably ain't in the Top 5, 10, whatever, BUT the
last time I did check the rankings, technically, Stone Cold Steve Austin
was the #1 rated beer drinker IN the history of the World Wrestling
Federation! BUT...let me go to public opinion on this deal - if you wanna
see me give this snaggletooth son of a (beep) a Stone Cold wrestling
lesson, gimme a hell yeah! All right, you dumb bastard, you got your
match." Play his music again! Maybe NOW he can have a beer!
Outside the arena, a crying Stephanie gets in her limousine...and it drives off. When even *Jim "It's my sole purpose in life to give Steve Austin blowjobs" Ross* says "I think Austin's gone too far," it ain't TOO hard to see where they're trying to steer us...we can only wonder how long they'll try it, if they have the guts to stick with it, AND....if it works. 'twould be interesting, non? ("You're so wrong! Clearly this is DESPERATION and the WWF is LOSING IT!" "Hey, I *already* called you a nutjob - GIT.")
And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, brought to you by the motor oil that drives hard - Castrol! From Survivor Series last night, Venis and Richards each go through a table. I heard some "smarks" tell me that this was UNDENIABLE PROOF that RtC was disbanding tonight, which just goes to prove what I'm saying tonight: smarks are IDIOTS
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: RIGHT TO CENSOR (with Steven Richards) v. DUDLEY BOYZ in a "titles vs. tables match" - Buchanan: "Dudleyz - tonight we will put our titles against your tables, 'cause RtC is gonna FIGHT the GOOOOOOOOD FIGHT! Because every tahm you drag a table from underneath this ring, it promotes gratuitous violence, and we will not - CAN NOT allow it anymore!" Goodfather: "People...when you cheer for a man goin' through a table...you are cheering for the VERY thing that keeps us uncivilised - creates chaos - and WE WILL NOT ALLOW IT! So tonight, after we beat the Dudley Boyz, the tables are GONE...and so are your preverse cheers. And it's *for* YOUR OWN GOOD." Richards is STILL holding his neck from last night's table romp and has no words. The Dudleyz carry a table - for the last time? - and set it up outside the ring. Pier Four brawl as the men in camo hit the ring. In opposite corners with RtC in control. "We want table!" chant. Double whip, Dudleyz do si do and land clotheslines. Ivory defends the women's title tonight! D-Von tosses Goodfather while Buh Buh Ray bodyslams Buchanan - sat up on the second rope...distracted by Goodfather, and Buchanan pops him one in the gut, then beals him back in. Forearm to the back, tag, shoulder-first into the turnbuckle, forearm to the back of the head. Buchanan, on the outside, wraps the arm around the ringpost. Goodfather pulls him up and goes to work on the arm - pound, pound, pound. Arm around the top rope...to a hammerlock. Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda forces a break - he tries to kick, but Goodfather goes to the eyes. Tag, axehandle off the top...to the arm. Into the ropes, sleeper by Buchanan. Molly Holly is the challenger later tonight! Richards screaming at Buchanan to keep it on him - arm falls once, arm falls twice, arm does not fall thrice....Dudley turns in and hits a belly-to-belly suplex. Crawling to D-Von - tag! Duck, into the ropes, jumping back elbow, into the ropes, flying jalapeno, shot for Buchanan, hangman's neckbreaker, 1, 2, Buchanan saves. "We want tables!" Both RtC stays in - into the ropes - duck, double clothesline by D-Von! Covering Goodfather - 1, 2, Buchanan breaks it up. Buh Buh Ray comes in as well - what happens if it's a DQ? Goodfather knocked out with a clothesline. Buchanan has D-Von sat up on top...setting up for a superplex, but Buh Buh Ray goes to the back and puts him on his shoulders - Dudley Device! Steven Richards, who was on the apron, is brought in the hard way...then tossed outside. Goodfather put into the ropes - the crowd sees it coming - yes! 3D! (Dudley Death Drop!) D-Von covers....1, 2, Richards pulls him out of the ring. Somehow, Chioda actually *sees* this and calls for the bell. (4:20 - huh) I guess we get no change...Buh Buh Ray manages to pull in Richards by the tie post-match, however - "wassup" spot - testify - D'Von, get the table. Buh Buh Ray superbombs him through the table and Richards is sure to stick his ass high in the air while selling it.
Here's a replay. Did Buh Buh Ray hurt
his left arm? Hmm, Right to Censor still have the belts...
MICHAEL KING COLE stands with Chris Jericho. "Mitchell Cole, would you please SHUT THE HELL UP? And Kane Kane Kane Kane Kane Kane Kane. After all we've been through, I don't hate you - no, I would like to thank you. Yeah, I wanna thank you for everything that you've taught me, I mean my whole life, first my father taught me how to shoot a hockey puck, then my second grade teacher Mrs. Yakovitz taught me all about pathogenic oculodissonance [whatever], and now, Kane, you taught me how to go through a plate glass window using only my head, and you taught me how to go through an announce table using only my ass. So in return, after our match last night at Survivor Series, I decided I would teach you a few things. So I taught you what it felt like to have your head rammed through a steel garage door, then I taught you what it feels like to be beaten mercilessly about the head with a and upper torso with a 2x4, and then I taught you how to get up close and personal with members of the steel pipe family. And now, since I'm not stable enough to have a one-on-one match with you, we have a tag match, so it looks like, Kane, that Y2J's lesson in violence is not going to end tonight. No, as a matter of fact, as far as you're concerned, jerky, this lesson will never....ever....end.
Kurt Angle takes the Rock's spot in this sequel to the "WWF SmackDown!" for the PlayStation ad - strangely enough, the game is named "WWF SmackDown! 2"
Mayhem ad in the local slot - it's SUNDAY!
The WWF Rewind is brought to you by "WWF No Mercy" for the N64! By the way, I bought an N64 last Saturday...unfortunately, I haven't yet opened my copy of "No Mercy" because, and I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but I'm COMPLETELY hooked on "Hey You, Pikachu." Anyway, from Survivor Series, Rikishi takes his loss rather poorly, hitting a Rikishikick and FOUR Banzai Drops.
WOW! Kevin Kelly stands in front of an EXCITING DOOR!
At the T&APA office, Test and Albert admire the new digs - disco ball, optic light, and all they need is...women dancing? There's a knock at the door...it's William Regal! He's got a hardcore match with Bob Holly tonight, and he needs some protection. After a brief bought of confusion amongst T&A, they finally figure out what he's asking for. "You're hired. And Trish, as far as what kind of girl I think you are, I think you're very comely." "Comely?"
Meanwhile, Holly watches this on a monitor - HE MUST BE THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!! Behind him stands...Crash. "I got your back tonight!" "Well if that isn't a comforting thought! Ya dumb bastard." "Just trying to help!"
KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY, who missed his cue and tried to start talking before we were done with the LAST shot, stands in the towering presence of the Rock. "Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to Orlando! You see, Rikishi, with everything that the Rock did to you last night at Survivor Series, beating you in the middle of the ring, 1, 2, 3...with every Rock Bottom, with every People's Elbow, the Rock still stands before you tonight...not satisfied. You see, Rikishi, with every Banzai Drop, with every sledgehammer to the chest, with every ounce of blood that the Rock was spitting up, the Rock doesn't want you to bring it, nononono, the Rock is simply gonna bring it...to you. And Rikishi, this tag match tonight - it's not about winning, it's not about losing. The Rock could care less whose shoulders get pinned. Whether you pin somebody's shoulders, whether you pin the tail on the donkey, or whether, Rikishi, your momma pins a note to your chest that says 'the Rock just whooped my big fat candyass!' You see, Rikishi, just like at Survivor Series when you left the Rock layin' - just like at SmackDown! when you left the Rock layin' - just like on RAW is WAR last Monday night when you left the Rock layin'...in tonight's match one way or the other, the Rock is gonna plant you with the Rock Bottom, and you will be layin', the Rock will be walkin', this hermaphrodite will still be standin', and one way or the other, the millions of the Rock's fans twice the world over, from Chesapeake Bay, to Sydney Australia, Ching Pong Ding Dong, Japan will ALLLLLLLLL smell what the Rock is cookin'!"
I think he set a record for most "lists of three items" in one promo just then.
Hey, look! There's two ORLANDO RAGE players in the front row!
Michael King Cole stands with EARL HEBNER. Let Us Take You Back to Survivor Series last night and show you the AWESOME ending to the Angle/Undertaker title match. "Michael, it was just that simple. When I went down to count 1, 2, 3, it was not the WWF Champion Kurt Angle, so therefore I could not count to three and award the Undertaker the victory. It's just that simple - what don't you understand?"
WILLIAM REGAL v. KOOL MOE DEE in a hardcore match - "I'm not sure of how many of you are aware of this, but there is an XFL American football team coming to your city called the Orlando Rage. But we all know that American football isn't *real* football...and English...and English football..." Poor Regal hasn't been able to finish a sentence since Hardcore Holly came back. "WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP" graphic makes no sense, but they don't have a plain old "hardcore rules" graphic. Holly brings a staff to the ring with him, but Regal surprised him with a stomp, stomp, and grabs the stick and breaks it across his back. More knees take Holly outside, and Regal follows. Wow, this IS hardcore - Regal actually using PUNCHES! Left, left, knee by Holly, right, left by Regal, Holly puts Regal's head into the barricade. They brawl aside the stage and to the tech area - Regal into a barricade. Holly with a fire extinguisher. Backstage, Steve Blackman is watching the proceedings on a monitor. Gutshot, head to a case, and here we walk behind the curtain. Regal shoves Holly into a DEADLY PILE OF BOXES! Regal stands over him and throws a few lefts. Holly with a pair of rights - got a trashcan but Regal is running off to find a leather strap. Holly manages to take the can to Regal's head, but he hands on and swings the strap - whip - stomp - into some catering shelves. Right, right,
head to a table...behind ANOTHER curtain and into a
dark area. To another table. Forearm across the back. Head to another
heavy case - forearm, kick, it's all holly. Got a camera - and hitting
Regal in the head with it! 1, 2, no! Referee "Blind" Jim Korderas staying
with them - Holly runs Regal's head into a truck. Here comes T&A to beat
up Holly - run into a garage door - and Albert squashes him with a
yaaaaaaah splash off Test's whip. Regal with a 2x4 across his head. Yeah,
that'll do it - 1, 2, 3. (2:59) Crash and Steve
Blackman join the party
post-match and make merry with trashcan lids. The garage door opens, and
T&A make their escape in a...golf cart? Play Blackman's music!
Meanwhile, Chris Jericho is WALKING!
Meanwhile, Kane is WALKING!
Meanwhile, Rikishi is WALKING!
Meanwhile, the Rock is WALKING! THE WWF IS CREATIVELY TAPPED AND DESPERATE
"WWF SmackDown! 2: Know Your Role" for the PlayStation 1 ad #2
Backstage, Tiger Ali Singh and Lo Down arrive...or, try to. Once again, they're not on the list, and are denied entrance. Why doesn't Singh bribe these guys? Or is he not THAT rich anymore?
RIKISHI and WELL IT'S KANE v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO and IF YA SMELLLLLLLL - Rikishi's robe says "AKJ 4-Life" on the back. If I were smarter, I'd know what that means and whether or not it was a Yokozuna thing. Jericho waits for Rock, then they both sprint to the ring and it's on. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long is gonna have a tough time keeping this one on one - Rock quickly puts Rikishi outside while Kane decides to leave Jericho to be put outside - Right hand puts Rock down. Here's our one on one. Right hand by Kane. "Rock E" from the crowd. Into the corner, Rock pops out with a clothesline, then points to Rikishi and makes the "just bring it" pantomime. He runs at him...but Rikishi drops to the floor. Kane with a blind clothesline. NOW Rikishi will take the tag. Stomp. Stomp, forearm, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. Scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes with a dropped headbutt. Tag to Kane. Holding him for an open shot to the chest. Kick. Into the ropes, Rock ducks the clothesline, right, right, right, off the ropes...but into a scoop...but he breaks free and hits a side Russian legsweep! But both men are down. Tag to Jericho! Flying forearm for Kane, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, boot up by "Y2J" (big chant)...but he runs into a Kane klothesline. Big right hand. There's an elbow. Right hand. Into the ropes, Kane presses him up...Jericho tries a dropkick at the apex, but barely grazes him. Jericho DOES land a spinning heel kick....for 2. Right hand. Right. Chop. Into the ropes is reversed by Kane, head down, kick by Jericho, off the ropes, but into a big boot. Tag to Rikishi. Right hand to the chest. Stomp between the legs. Castrol Double Feature. Into the ropes, hiptoss, no, Jericho tries a hiptoss, HA HA NO, short clothesline by Rikishi. Taunt for the Rock. BIG backbreaker across the knee by Rikishi. Jericho tries to punch out - right, right, right, chop, chop, off the ropes, RIKISHIKICK stops him cold! Tag to Kane - a shot from each man for Jericho. Kane presses him up...holds him for a while...then slams him down. Cheap shot for the Rock, drawing him in again. Doubleteam behind his back - Rikishi stomping when he turns back around. The irony, of course, is they COULD have tagged since they dragged him all the way over there...not too dastardly, huh. Into the ropes, and Rikishi applies the sleeper. Jericho is fading...no, he's back up - elbow, elbow, but Rikishi holds the hair - going for it again, but Jericho slips behind...suplex - HA HA NO - shoving Rikishi into the corner instead, schoolboy when he bounces back...only 2. Going for the Walls of Jericho?? Nope, too much ass. Rikishi kicks out at 1, instead.
Rikishi is up first - Jericho fires off a right, anothe
right, a third right, Rikishi with a chop. Into the opposite corner...he's
warming it up...but Jericho sidesteps the fat ass splash and dropkicks
Rikishi! Rock REALLY wants that tag - tag to Kane, HOT TAG to the Rock!
Right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, duck, gutshot, DDT,
shot for Rikishi, spinebuster for Kane, People's Elbow coming up...but
Rikishi pulls on his ankle. Rock gets up...and stumbles into Kane's choke!
But before HE can do anything, Jericho is off the top and OFF THA HOOK with
a missile dropkick that sends everybody tumbling...but HE runs into a
RIKISIHIKICK! While Rikishi goes over to the Rock to get back to stompin',
Jericho decides to bring a chair back in with him. WHACK! Long missed it
talking to Rikishi. Jericho with a shot to Rikishi, taking him
outside...and following. A woozy Kane staggers towards Rock - and into a
Rock Bottom! 1, 2, 3!! (8:29) After the match,
Jericho mounts Kane
andn rains down rights on him, while Rock decides to go up the ramp to get
Rikishi. Rock brings HIM back to the ring as Jericho is attempting, once
again, to get the Walls of Jericho on somebody tonight. Rock with a
spinebuster on Rikishi. Jericho FINALLY gets Kane turned as Rock locks in
a Sharpshooter! More REFS come out to break up these holds. Play the
Rock's music again! Jericho manages a Lionsault about 3/4 of the way
across the ring onto Kane - WHOA! Not to be outdone, Rock gives Rikishi
Rock Bottom again! PLAY HIS MUSIC A THIRD TIME! IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLL
Hell, I'm not even sure it's over...oh, I guess it is....for tonight,
Outside, another limousine pulls up...Kurt Angle and Kurt Angle #2 are WALKING! Hmmm, I bet those guys who were keeping Singh and Lo Down away are mysteriously GONE when THESE guys go through that door...
WWF SmackDown! returns to the Oakland Arena 9 January - tix on sale Friday, 1 December! Coincidentally, that's one night after RAW at the San Jose Arena...hmmm...
What a picturesque view of the exterior of the Waterhouse Centre!
TONIGHT: Women's title on the line as Molly Holly challenges Ivory!
Your hosts are a pair of kings - LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER.
TONIGHT: Steve Austin takes on Chris Benoit!
KING KURT ANGLE 1 & 2 come down to ringside, along with the RAW credits and the TV-14-DLV-CC ratings boxes. "Before I begin, I would like to address something that's been brought to my attention. A little piece of business known as the Survivor Series Screwjob. From Austin getting run down last year to Bret Hart and Vince McMahon in Montreal, it seems that each year, something *screwy* goes down and a new champion is crowned." Whatever DID happen to that Big Show guy, anyway? "And for those of you that were too cheap to buy the pay-per-view, I am pleased to announce that the annual Survivor Series Screwjob was avoided. And no, a new champion was NOT crowned! For once...the good guy prevailed! And managed to retain the title. Unfortunately, last night did not go without a hitch. I would like all of you to meet my older brother, ERIC ANGLE. Although not an Olympic Gold Medalist (but let's face it, not many of us are), but Eric is an all-American athlete, and the best big brother a guy could have. And it was Eric's idea to surprise his baby brother by hiding underneath the ring and then coming out, as a surprise to celebrate MY win over the Undertaker. Isn't that right?" "Oh, it's true, Kurt...it's true." "So...["ass hole!"]...would you people have some respect, please? So, here's my older brother, waiting to come out from underneath the ring, to surprise me, to celebrate with me after my win, after the match, when the Undertaker cowardly pulled him out from underneath the ring and gives him the Last Ride! I mean, honestly, Undertaker, what is your problem?! So. Last night...I ended up winning the title. I ended up the Champion. And I will remain the Champion for a very, very long time. Isn't that right?" "It's true, Kurt...it's DAMN true." BONG ARE YOU SCARED HE'S HERE HEY HEY HEY HEY is out, shakes his head, removes his cap and sunglasses...and walks down to the ring. Kurt helpfully shoves his brother into the path of the oncoming Dead Man - choke, boot for Kurt, chokeslam for Eric. Soupbone for Kurt, soupbone, soupbone and Kurt falls outside. 'Taker follows - head to the apron, soupbone, up the ramp we go, boot, soupbone, at the top of the ramp now...soupbone, left, soupbone, left, soupbone, choke...he's not gonna chokeslam him off the stage - OH YES HE IS, and through a table to boot! Play his music! Ross proclaims him chokeslammed all the way to hell. Sunglasses back on, cap back on. 'Taker walks back over to survey his carnage...then proclaims "Power to the people!" Here's a replay of Angle's carcass doing major damage. Big six man coming up after the break!
WWF SHOP ZONE
dot COM ad
"SmackDown! 2" ad #3
Moments Ago, Undertaker had a spot of fun with the Angle Brothers
During the Break EMT's tended to Kurt
Backstage, Undertaker visits the Commissioner, telling him it's time to pay up. "What do I owe you for?" "What do you owe me for? You owe me for throwing you 25 feet off the top of Hell in the Cell!" "Owe you? You just about killed me that night!" "Yeah, that may be true...but what I did was I make you famous!" Foley can't argue with that - what's he want? He wants to make the Angle Brothers famous just like he made Foley famous. He wants a handicap match. "I wanna get it on!" Foley says he made a mess out of those two. "Well let me clean up my mess!" Foley says until he can determine the Angles' condition, he'll have to take his request under advisement. 'Taker tells him to make it happen, or Dead Man Inc. will go into business for itself. Foley gives us fear.
MOM II and THA 1 BILLY GUNN v. EDDIE GUERRERO & DEAN MALENKO & PERRY SATURN (with Nipples) - Guerrero runs in and goes after Gunn, so there's your starting couple - right, right, right, right, right, all simultaneous, now only Gunn with the right, right, into the ropes, tilt-a-whirl, but Guerrero lands on his feet - into the ropes, duck, tilt-a-whirl slam connects. Tag to Dogg - into the corner, press - one-handed press by Gunn - and drop. Dogg with a wiggly wobbly Wookiely kneedrop, but only gets 2. Guerrero right, right, right, into the ropes, duck, Dogg left, left, left, juke, Malenko in and HE gets a pop from Dogg, Dogg ducks a clothesline, then hits the right, but Saturn is in with a superkick that puts Dogg down. All three men stomping away until referee "Blind" Jack Doan finally notices more than one guy in for this team. Malenko tagged in - open kick - into the ropes, double back elbow. Malenko with a press - 2. Head to the turnbuckle, kick, kick, kick, kick, choke, kick, into the opposite corner, follow clothesline, kick, snapmare, tag to Saturn, stomp by Saturn, half exploder/half death suplex. Dogg put in the corner, but he gets a boot up. Gobehind by Saturn, to a hammerlock, back in front, knees to the head. Sat up on top - death superplex is countered when Dogg twists in midair into a splash! Both men down and slowly getting to their corners....Saturn grabs an ankle, but Dogg kicks him away and makes the tag to K-Kwik! Right, right, right, wacky dancing, right. Into the ropes, YIKESrana, somehow Kwik is still walking despite landing on his own head, right, into the ropes is reversed, slightly less scary headscissors, gourdbuster, cover, but Guerrero breaks it up - whoops, better bar that door as a Pier Six has broken out...make that Pier Seven as even *Terri* comes in, pulling Kwik off of Saturn - he turns around, but before he can pop her one, Saturn clotheslines him in the back and tosses him out. But Gunn is in...big press - toss to Saturn, who makes the XFL fair catch...but that's enough of a distraction to allow Gunn to catch him in the Fame'Asser...and Kwik is in position to hit a firebird (450) splash for the 1, 2, 3. (Call 4:11) Ross proclaims it "scintillating" and also adds about 270.
Back in the commissioner's office, Edge & Christian seek an audience and express concern over their actions in Angle's match last night with the Undertaker. They think they may have overstepped their bounds with a man with a decade of destruction behind him. "You know, no one has heard from Kamala ever since the 'taker put him in a casket!" Christian asks Foley to relay their apologies...and deliver this urn. Foley says it's too late - after what they've done at Survivor Series, they've "urned" a handicap match with the Undertaker tonight! "Look on the bright side, he'll make you famous!" They take off. Christian: "It's cold and everything!" Foley: (to himself) "Did Kamala work for Baba two years later...?"
who is the guest host this Sunday on Heat, is out.
Remember when Heat also had special musical guests? She takes third
headset...why? All that's happening NOW is a li'l ol' Women's
Championship...she'd have no interest in THAT, would she?
WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: IVORY (with Let Us Take You Back) v. MOLLY HOLLY - Last night at Survivor Series, Ivory connected a little too well with a punch to Lita, busting her open and requiring plenty of stitches. Ross notes that Ivory is in pants tonight - hope it helps! Ivory runs at Holly (comes out to Crash's music), who drops down in a semi-drop toehold. Arm wringer. Another wring. Was that La Majistral? 1, 2, no. Ivory with a full nelson, Holly breaks free and cartwheels out - but Ivory hits a facejam, stomp, stomp, stomp. Head to the buckle, again, into the opposite corner, bulldog is blocked and Ivory lands hard. Holly climbing up top - big splash! Knife-edge chop! Chop (right in the booby)! Ivory pulls her through the ropes to the floor. Holly back up on the apron - Ivory swings but Holly ducks - hot shot. TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL catches Holly with a DDT out on the floor and puts her back in - Ivory is quick to cover and referee "Blind" Chad Patton wakes up - 1, 2, 3. (1:34)
The Undertaker leaves his dressing room to find the urn outside...with a note attached. "Undertaker, for a decade of aweseomeness. You totally rule. Edge & Christian. Sounds like somebody's messin' around in the dead man's yard..." and he dumps the urn in a nearby trash can.
WWF cookbook ad
WCW Mayhem ad #2
Tonight on the Channel 5 news, an expose of REAL backyard wrestling! CRAZY CBS SYNERGRY MAN
This Sunday on WWF Superstars, a special look at the Rock's special guest appearance on "DAG!"
EDGE & CHRISTIAN (with RAW is WAR is brought to you by THQ's "WWF No Mercy," Norelco, and Twix!) v. HEY HEY HEY HEY (on his Beautiful Titan Bike) - I notice that the STEEL steps have mysteriously floated their way over to the barricade, standing up on end. How DO they do that? I may NEVER know. Here's a riddle I just wrote: Q: What do Undertaker and Goldberg have in common? A: They both throw a mean soupbone. Except Goldberg. Did you hear referee "Blind" Tim White tell them to go home? (Last Ride -> pin Christian 2:42) Replay of the Wedgiebomb, and a post-match chokeslam for Edge. VROOM VROOM DEAD MAN - Power to tha peeps!
Guerrero says "esse" a few dozen times and tells Benoit to take on Austin "Chris Benoit style." Malenko tells him if Austin tries anything like he did with Hunter last night (Saturn: "Man, I HOPE he tries it!"), they got his back. Benoit pronounces Austin "done" tonight.
WWF Fanatic series ad - this month, "Hell Yeah: Stone Cold's Saga
"SmackDown! 2" ad #4
Here's a look at WWF New York
Let Us Take You Back Once Again to the same highlight package that opened the show - I guess you're as relieved as I am to learn that Triple H's last words won't necessarily be "holy shit"
Commentators make some noise.
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight when Stephanie made some noise. Then, Austin made some noise. Did you notice Stephanie's hair has gone straight again? Remember, if "perm" equals "heel," what's the OPPOSITE?
Castrol Motor Oily presents WWF Armageddon 10 December!
CHRIS BENOIT v. AD BREAK - "A lot of you came out here tonight to see Austin 3:16! Well, you're not gonna get it - what you're gonna get is Benoit 101 School of Wrestling and tonight, Austin, you are gonna fail!"
Stone Cold Steve Austin is WALKING!
XFL nekkid cheerleaders ad - let's see how nekkid they are when it's twenty degrees below outside
Chris Jericho eats ravioli and makes funny faces
CHRIS BENOIT v. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN - lockup, go behind by Stone Cold, waistlock takedown - Austin lets him get up, then shows him his middle finger. Ha! Ready to go again - Benoit goes behind with a hammerlock, reversal by Austin, to a side headlock - Benoit tries to break it with elbows to the kidneys - three of 'em - Austin busts out some chain wrestling, to a double leg, floatover, into a front chancery. Benoit punches out, kick, into the ropes, hiptoss by Austin, armdrag takeover by Austin. HOLY SHIT THIS IS SOME DAMN GOOD SHIT. OH HELL YEAH SMARKS SUCK. Austin pins down the arm and drives a knee to the point of the elbow. There's another knee. Arm wringer by Austin - Benoit throws the elbow in an attempt to break it - three, four, Benoit finally reverses it, but Austin goes right back to that armbar. Right by Benoit - Austin drops down, scissors the leg and brings Benoit to the mat, floating over into an armbar. Knee to the elbow! Still holding the arm - Benoit punching him to the corner, Austin turning it around, and now AUSTIN goes to the rights - into the opposite corner, Benoit ducks the clothesline and hits a death suplex. Both men are down. Benoit up first - stomp. Backbreaker across the knee gets 1 for Benoit. Forearm to the kidney, right, kick, kick, kick, into the opposite corner, Austin hits hard. Benoit pulls Austin out, but he surprises him by going back to the arm wringer, then, showing that he's been watching his WOW, stomps to wrench it in...scoops him up, but Benoit tilts into a crossbody, covering for 2.
Benoit pops up with
a clothesline. If Austin busts out the Million Dollar Dream, I WILL DIE.
Austin slumped in the corner - Benoit stomps, stomp, stomp, stomp, standing
on the neck. Austin pulls himself up - Benoit with a Euro elbow. Snap
suplex. Cover...2. Austin rolls outside...Benoit tries to follow, but
Austin trips him up and makes a wish on the ringpost...or, tries to -
Benoit pulls his legs in and posts Austin head first! Austin tries to
shake it off...Benoit out after him. Gutshot by Austin, another kick, head
to the steps is blocked, and Benoit DOES put his head in the steps. Then
to the commentary table. Back in the ring we go for more WRESTLING!
Benoit with an elbow. Hard whip into the corner. Elbow by Benoit. Kick.
Into the opposite corner, Austin collapses coming out. Benoit climbs up
top - swandive headbutt to the lower back! Benoit shakes it off and hooks
the leg....1, 2, NO!! Into the ropes, reversed, Austin with a sleeper!!
Benoit powers out, and clotheslines him down. Cover gets 2. Benoit with a
kick, into the corner is reversed, Austin with a spinebuster and both men
are down. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner puts on the count - Benoit is up
first. Kick, into the ropes, reversed, Benoit tumbles under, but Austin
connects with a right, right, right, into the ropes, Thesz press - right
right right right right, Benoit tries to roll him up with legs on the
shoulders, Austin rolls through and covers, but Benoit grabs the arm and
turns it over - CRIPPLER CROSSFACE!! What will Austin do now? Reaching
for the rope...so close, yet so far. Austin inches closer...and grabs the
bottom rope. Coward's way out, if you ask me! Benoit is right back on him
- stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Hebner taking a bit of umbrage at
Benoit not obeying his commands. Shove for Hebner, shove for Benoit.
Benoit ignores him and goes back to Austin, who has pulled himself up in a
corner - kick, kick, kick, kick, right, right, into the corner, no, Benoit
holds on, then drives Austin's shoulder into the post. German suplex!
Trying to hold on for two...Austin tries to elbow out but Benoit DOES land
the second one. Austin manages to elbow out before the third. Now they're
each trading rights...now it's Benoit trying a clothesline but Austin
ducking - KICK WHAM
STUNNER - leg is hooked - 1, 2,
3! (8:35) That RULED.
I take back everything I've ever said about Austin. Have a beer, Austin!
Have two! The WWF is ALIVE AND WELL and I am GLAD that you and I are
watching it TOGETHER. See you at Thanksgiving!
AFTER THE FACT: Victor weighs in with: I was at tonights Raw from Orlando and wanted to drop a note to say.
1. Nothing kills a crown response better than the Road Dog "rappin"
2. Not only did we get to see the steps magicaly move but just to make sure we were surpised we got to hear the motorcycle rev up in the hall way for 2 min.
and 3. My section was wondering who the hell was that actually wrestling Chris Benoit at the begining of the main event.
Final beer count was 16 beers (1 with Earl and 1 with JR) and including dark matches 5 Sleeper holds that did not work(how surprising). Over all it was pretty entertaining show.