/27 November 2000
WWF RAW is WAR
NOTE TO RICK:
Of course, *I* liked ya better when you didn't need ME to
make your points for you. When's our contract up again?
QUICK QUOTE: WWF 14 1/8 (+ 1 ... last year: 20 15/16))
AWARDS: This is your LAST chance to let your voice be heard in the 2000 rec.sport.pro-wrestling awards! If you STILL haven't managed to get over to Usenet to figure out how to vote...well, I know better, but here's a URL for you. Click over to http://www.CRZ.net/wrestling/awards/2000/ to find the Web version. Remember, Rick won't tell you or I'll kill him, so you'd better write it down NOW! Ballots are due FRIDAY!
TONIGHT: You will WEEP for joy as Iowa State University hosts RAW! Will Stone Cold Steve Austin continue his rampage, as seen here in these SmackDown! clips? What will Triple H do when HE makes an appearance - and more importantly, HOW will he do it? We'll find out...in about sixteen minutes!
TV-14-DLV-CC - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
LAST THURSDAY: Austin "crossed the line"
PYRO AWAY! WE ARE LIVE from the Hilton Colesium on the campus of Iowa State University in Ames, IA 27.11.2K - it is Monday night...it is TNN...and it is the World Wrestling Federation! Stick with us tonight as the story unfolds...RAW - IS - WAR!!!
KING KURT ANGLE leads off tonight's festivities with a slightly LESS than festive look - ha! He turned his back expecting some fireworks, but he got SQUAT! Take THAT, you OLYMPIC CHUMP! Oops, sorry, got caught up by that sign there. Tonight, an Intercontinental return match AND a 6-person: Hollys vs. T&APA! "As another month passes, and another pay-per-view approaches, I would like to ask all of you a question, and I want you to listen very carefully. When you people are out on your jobs growing corn or milking cows or whatever it is you people do out here...are you ever in danger of someone brutally attacking you just because they can? I ask you this because over the weekend I gave it some thought, and being a WWF superstars means that having the only profession in the world where someone can committ awful acts of violence against you and your family, not have any remorse, amazingly not get punished - if anything, they get rewarded! I mean, what is going on, people? Between the Undertaker chokeslamming me off the stage...to Triple H masterminding a hit and run on Stone Cold...to Stone Cold himself, nearly smashing Triple H with a forklift at Survivor Series - hold on a second! People, it's getting out of control! It's true, it's true. Not to mention Stone Cold Steve Austin STUNNING the ref last week on SmackDown! If that were to happen in any other organised sport, whether it be amateur or professional, that would be a national scandal, but here, it's just another day at the office...well I for one HAVE HAD IT! Ever since I've been in the WWF, I've preached the three I's...intensity, integrity and intelligence. But the more time I spend here, the more I see my integrity in jeopardy! ["Ass Hole!"] People may see me as a 'sports entertainer...' but I see myself, first and foremost, as a wrestler, because that's what I've done my whole entire life, and that's why I've won these prestigioius Gold Medals. Not to mention, that is why I am the WWF Champion. I did not sign up to get chokeslammed by the Undertaker off a stage! Or to see my brother Eric brutally attacked...or to witness a hit and run...or a forklikft attack...a forklift attack, I might add...or God knows what else. And people, I say this because in less than two weeks we're headed to a pay-per-view known as Armageddon. And if the awful acts of violence to not end...if the lack of integrity does not end...then I'm takin' my title and I'm goin' home...and that is true." Here to provide a response are COMMISSIONER McFOLEY and LT. COMMISSIONER MRS. AUSTIN. "Now, Kurt...Debra and I were backstage and we were talking about how it's not often that we can actually agree with you, but tonight I am in total agreement - things *have* gotten out of hand here in the WWF. I mean, Kurt, let's face it - I was in some pretty rough matches, but not even I was ever dropped forty feet off a forklift to the ground OR run over by a car. So you're right - the violence must end - especially violence towards the referees...you're right. Wait wait wait - Debra brings up a good point...which is, you come out here and you talk about integrity...I'm wondering, how can you talk to us about integrity when you have a business advisor, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, who interferes in every one of your damn matches?" "Hold on a second, Stephanie? Stephanie hasn't been here in over a month, and guess what - I'm still WWF Champion! Having Stephanie at my side is like people in Iowa having a computer - sure, it's nice to look at...but ultimately, does it make a difference? I don't think so! And you know what...I don't need Stephanie anymore. I've had her for three months, it's been great, and I'll be more than happy to tell her when she comes in. And that is true." "That's all well and good, Kurt, but you see, I've just received word that Stephanie and Triple H were on their way here tonight and ran into a little travel problems...they had some travel difficulties, and they're not expected here tonight. But listen, we've got Armageddon coming up, and unless I get a grasp on things, we may be looking at Armageddon for real. And you see, there will be a WWF title match there...if, of course, you're still the champion at that time." "Wait a minute - whoa, whoa, whoa...what are you talking about? I'm the champion - I will face the winner, whether it be Rock or Rikishi, I will face him at..at..what's it called, Armageddon!" I think Angle just skipped ahead there. "All right, Kurt, you know I can't believe I'm actually going to reward somebody for NOT getting involved, but seeing as Rikishi showed some much needed restraint last week, and didn't actually beat up any referees, you see, I'm going to put him in a #1 contider's...contender's match tonight, and I'm gonna put him in that match against the Rock!" "I already knew that." "And Kurt, these people did not, as you say, stop growing corn and milking cows to show up and NOT see a WWF title match, did they? So, Kurt, you will be defending YOUR belt tonight! And there will not be any forklifts involved, and there will not be any hit-and-run accidents, but in all probability there will be involved your butt getting kicked, and it will involve your butt getting kicked all over Iowa State University! Have a nice day!" Too bad Angle didn't tell us his opponent TONIGHT while he was tipping the storyline...
Backstage, a black limousine pulls up...who's in it? Why, look! It's the Rock! And now he's WALKING!
"WWF SmackDown! 2" for the PlayStation ad
When we come back, Edge & Christian are enjoying sodas...and
welcoming back Kurt Angle. "Hear, hear, Kurt! That speech you
made...totally rocked the party that rocks the body!" "Yeah, you
totally...introduced arguments and backed them up with logic and
reasoning!" "What are you guys talk about? Didn't you hear Mick Foley say
I'd have to defend my title tonight? He didn't even say who I'd be
facing!" "Kurt, there is the obvious...but umm, maybe Foley won't go
there. Who else have you ticked off lately?" "You *did* break Hardcore
Holly's arm and never apologised--" "My card got lost in the mail, what
are you talking about?" "Guys..." "There was the time that you thought
Essa Rios was the valet and you told him to get your car...hoho, that was
ugly." "Guys..." "Like he didn't need the extra work...think about it."
"Guys...I think the obvious is about to walk down the hallway." On the
monitor, we see the Undertaker...and he's WALKING! "Holy rematches, Kurt -
Foley's totally gonna make you fight the Undertaker!" Kurt lowers his
voice. "Not if I can help it."
T & A & TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL (with Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!) v. CRASH NO LASTNAME & KOOL MOE DEE & MOLLY HOLLY (with Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!) - Isn't it time we gave Crash his last name back already? The women start. Rock vs. Rikishi tonight! Kick by Trish, forearm, stomp, kick, shove, kick, kick, kick...running at her in the corner, monkey flip out but Holly lands on her feet - Holly droptoehold, quick arm wringer, another quick flip. Trush to her feet - Molly ducks the clothesline, chop, chop, into the ropes is reversed, and Albert grabs her hair to take her down - somehow, referee "Blind" Jim Korderas chose THAT moment to look at the other Hollys. Stratus on her - repeatedly ramming her head into the apron - stomp - Holly with a leg sweep. Stratus tags Test. As is usually the case, the seemingly trapped face manages to crawl between the legs of the dastardly heel to make the tag - in comes Hardcore - forearm by Test, forearm, right, right, right, kick, kick, standing on the neck. Into the opposite corner, boots up by Holly, going to the top...crossbody hits for 2. Raining down rights, tag to Crash, missile dropkick! Crash going out to the apron, coming back in with a flip, but instead of finishing the move, Test powerbombs him instead. Seven rights (I counted), and a tag to Albert. Yaaah open shot. Yahhh uppercut. Yahhhh right again. Into the ropes, head down, sunset flip attempted - Albert catches himself but the yaaaaah fist only finds the mat. Albert tries a yahhh buttdrop but THAT comes up empty as well. Off the ropes, dropkick to the face by Crash. "Here, let me run the ropes near Test..." Oh, Test put a knee in the back. GO FIG. Albert with the double underhook...then holding him for a half hour suplex. Bad mouth - yah stomp, yah stomp, cover, 2. Hey fellas, this camera isn't working. Forearm to the back. Yaaaah karate thrust. Free shot for Hardcore to distract the ref - Test in without a tag - doubleteam kicks. Test back over the ropes before he looks back. Into the ropes, yaaaah bell clap. Crash manages a jawbreaker. Will he tag? Yes! Duck, right, right, right, off the ropes, flying jalapeno! Hardcore with his now patented "How ya like me now" kick in the groin. Test runs at him, and Hardcore dumps him over the top to the floor. Now bringing Trish in the hard way for Molly....Molly throws her through the ropes to the floor...then SHE gets on the apron - forward somersault press! Test tosses Crash as we look back in the ring...doubleteam on Hardcore...double whip into the opposite corner - he manages to avoid the do si do whip, then steps aside and Test's big boot hits Albert! Crash pulls Test outside and THEY get to brawling as Hardcore hits the Best Dropkick in the Business and hooks the leg for 1, 2, 3. (5:22) HEY! LOOKIT MOLLY'S CLEAVAGE SPILLING OVER....ahem. Replay of the forward somersault from the apron to the floor, the miscommunication spot, and the dropkick.
Backstage, Kurt Angle catches up to Kane. "Excuse me, Kane? I just wanted to say that everything I said on SmackDown! about how your brother the Undertaker treated you over the years, I meant. How was your Thanksgiving, by the way? I had a great time with my family in Pittsburgh. Nothing like having a family that loves you, you know? I don't know where I'd be without them. I take it the Undertaker didn't call you, did he? Heartless, heartless man. Well, I just wanted to say that you're more than welcome to come to the Angle house next year for Thanksgiving - better yet, what are you doing for Christmas? It would be an HONOUR for you to come over to my house and help us trim the tree...or, or we could have a menorah, whatever your thing is, you're more than welcome! In fact, I'd like to talk to you for a minute, if you don't mind." "Let's talk..." "All right!" Angle's got a grin going...
WWF SmackDown! returns to the Oakland Arena 9 January! Tickets go on sale FRIDAY!
Tomorrow night, the Rock stars on DAG! It's on...some other network! Check local listings! (Hint: clips are "Courtesy: NBC Studios")
MICHAEL KING COLE stands with Rikishi. "You know what? I could care less about what many people say I deserve. The fact of the matter is I beat the Rock down. I took the sledgehammer and beat the Rock down. I took my four hundred pound body at Survivor Series and squashed the Rock down. So don't come and tell me about what I deserve - tonight, Rikishi deserves that it'll be me and Rock, and you know what, Rock? Tonight I will take you out...once and for all." Cole probably thought to himself: "How come he looked right at ME while he was talking to the Rock?"
Meanwhile, Undertaker and somebody else tune up his bike...from off screen, "Hey big brother!" And here comes Kane, shoving him right into a garage door (and several conveniently placed steel rods for EXTRA NOISE!) Several refs show up, but Kane gives Sparks a free right hand, then goes back to Undertaker...
Meanwhile, Edge, Christian and Kurt Angle watch the doin's on a monitor. "Whoa! Kane is TOTALLY kickin' the Undertaker's ASS!" "Kurt, you rule all. I don't know what you said to Kane, but it's workin'!" "Oh, it is." And he quietly chuckles to himself...
Golly, that was one o' them nothin' segments, wasn't it?
Moments Ago...three paragraphs ago During the Break, Too Cool
joined the refs in calling off Kane...while Undertaker made funny faces.
And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily! On Thursday at SmackDown!, Billy Gunn won the intercontinental championship and lots of smarks cried about it (and inbetween sobs, they'd say something HEP like "dick rudo" or something)
WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: EDDIE GUERRERO v. THA 1 BILLY GUNN - Guerrero goes right after Gunn as he parts the ropes - kick, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, maybe a right, into the ropes, back elbow, cover, barely 2, right, right, right, right, I'll say this, though - when the crowd chants "Eddie sux," they *ain't* cheering for Billy Gunn. Into the opposite corner, gunn puts up an elbow. Guerrero ducks a clothesline and now they're hitting simultaneous punches...now it's Gunn only with the rights...backed into the corner, head to the buckle, right, right, right, smarting off to referee "Blind" Earl Hebner, back to the rights, a more prolonged discussion, Guerrero tries to run at him but falls to a lariat. 1, 2, no. Head to the buckle, kick, right, right, right, Guerrero tries a punch, Gunn goes to the face - hey, that's cheatin'! Opposite corner whip, follow lariat. Kick, kick, stomp, Guerrero manages to pull him into a turnbuckle. Blatant chokehold for ... well, seems longer than 4, but Hebner's "funny" about the rules, we all know. Gunn falls outside, and Guerrero goes out after him. Fist to the back of the head, right, right, Hebner out as well to yell at them....when he should be in the ring, counting. Gunn takes a trip to the barricade. Kick, kick, Hebner insists, so Guerrero rolls him back in and follows. Death suplex by Guerrero - cover - 2. Sign in the front row: "NO SELL BILLY GUNN" - right by Guerrero, right. Hebner and Guerrero discuss Al Gore's speech. Guerrero back over, but Gunn hits the right first, right, right, Guerrero rakes the eyes. Kick, kick. Guerrero still on him - got him by what's left of his hair...into the ropes, reversal, big Gunn powerslam gets 2. Guerrero up first - dropkick to the face. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Guerrero works the crowd. Back over and got him by the hair again...suplex. Guerrero says something MEAN in Spanish...climbing up to the top, but taking too long as Gunn is up to meet him...right hand, right, right, on the second rope...SUPERPLEX!! Both men are down and Hebner starts a count...and stops at 3. Guerrero with a right, gunn, Guerrero, Gunn, Guerrero, Gunn, Gunn, Gunn, into the ropes, tilt-a-whirl slam by Gunn, cover, 2. PERRY SATURN is out - Gunn gives HIM a right. Guerrero rolls him up...but only gets 2. DEAN MALENKO it out...Guerrero whips Gunn into Malenko, who grabs the ankles and trips him up...Guerrero runs at him, but he drops and dumps Guerrero into Malenko, who in turn falls onto Saturn! Gunn with a cobra clutch slam....1, 2, 3! Gunn retains. (5:42) Hey, look TERRI was out as well. Oh, and so it CHRIS BENOIT who finally scores for the Radicalz with a kick/punch/stompfest. The other three recover and join the party. Benoit whips him into a Saturn superkick. Saturn with a Russian legsweep, started by Malenko's leg lariat. Then a four-way beatdown culminates in a swandive headbutt from Benoit. Jack Doan is out and yeah, two refs are so much better than one in this situation. Guerrero drapes the IC title over Gunn in mocking fashion as the Radicalz' music plays...
Backstage, Rikishi is WALKING!
Meanwhile, the Rock is WALKING!
The smarks who will complain about Gunn retaining the title are the same ones who WON'T make any notice of the Radicalz immediately "getting their heat back" with the big beatdown on Gunn. But they'll be MORE than happy to point out when Triple H "gets his heat back" the very same way. I hate smarks because they like to selectively look at certain things and ignore certain other things. Also, they believe wild rumours as if they're set in stone fact, *even* when challenged to come out and provide a damn source. Ahhhhh. SHUT UP SMARKS
(Hey, if I'm gonna be contrary, let me AT LEAST try to simultaneously be contrary AND keep what tiny amount of credibility I still have!)
When we come back, we check out some During the Break action - where
the Undertaker was WALKING! We learn that he "requested" a match with Kane
tonight...and he got it.
And now, a "smirking" KING KURT ANGLE is WALKING! down the aisle and over to our commentary team of LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER, making it three kings at the commentary table. Ross is quick to ask him if he played Kane, while Angle says all he did was ask Kane how his Thanksgiving went...however, it *is* fortuitous that the most likely opponent for him tonight is now involved in a match with Kane...
RIKASHMONEY (with RAW is WAR is brought to you by THQ's WWF SmackDown! 2: Know Your Role, Twix and Castrol Motor Oily!) v. IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLL in a #1 Contider's - Contender's Match - Angle: "I wanna bring more sport into sports entertainment - is there anything wrong with that?" Golly, if the WWF starts booking for workrate freaks, then they MUST be in a downturn - earnings numbers be DAMNED! Block, right, right, right, right, right, right, off the ropes, duck, flying clothesline knocks him down! Right, into the ropes, (sorta) Samoan Drop (well, half Samoan Drop/half tilt-a-whirl slam) - 1, 2, no! Into the ropes is reversed, kick by Rock, shoulderblock, nobody moves. Sent into the ropes, RIKISHIKICK! Stomp by Rikishi. Stomp, stomp. "Rock E!" Right to the back of the head by Rikishi. Rock blocks, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Rikishi with the BELLY-to-belly suplex. Both men are down because this minute and a half has taken a LOT out of them. Castrol Double Feature of the belly-to-belly suplex. Rikishi up first...limping? Off the ropes, caught in a spinebuster...Rock with the Sharpshooter...and now Angle is off headset and in the ring! What the HECK is referee "Blind" Tim White doing, anyway? Angle with an unseen clothesline to Rock's back. White looks, SEES ANGLE IN THE RING, and turns his back one more time while Angle hits the Olympic Slam! Wait..suddenly White *does* call for the bell (DQ 2:44) - yeesh, what the hell was UP there? Anyway, Garcia announces the Rock as the winner...and I wonder if the wheels just started turning in Angle's head about what exactly he's done. Rikishi is back up...scooooop...and a slam. Rikishi stands over Rock...BIG BUTT DROP. Angle, still at the top of the ramp, smiles a bit more broadly. Rikishi's music plays, and Rock makes amusing faces. So is Rock the #1 Contender or not? Ross says that'll be up to the Commish to decide...
WWF Fanatic Series: "Hell Yeah: Stone Cold's Saga Continues" ad
"SmackDown! 2" ad #2
Oh no! MUSCLE CAR GUY
Moments Ago...did Tim White lose a contact lens or something? *What the hell was he doing?* Anyway, Angle interfered...Rikishi dropped his ass...and so forth...
Foley is looking for Angle backstage...but not finding him...
To New York we go, where "that guy's freezin' himself" - meanwhile, across the street, we look at WWF New York
And inside, William Regal offers some free etiquette tips. "Do you have a napkin in your lap there? When you eat, can you keep your mouth closed, please? You sir, get your elbows off the table - set an example for your children! (coming across a chap eating ribs) Atrocious! The food here at WWF New York is splendid, and you eat it like slop." "Get lost." "Why not use - bother using your hands at all, just eat like your fellow swine in a trough!" He mashes his face in the puddle of BBQ sauce. The guy comes up laughing. Regal's ready to lose it himself. "Miserable toerag!" Before he laughs, we move off the shot...
Our commentators remark on recent happenings
Meanwhile, Dean Malenko hits on Lita backstage. He's noticed her looking at him, and he's watched every move she's made, and he's measured every inch of her gorgeous body. He knows her better than she knows herself. "Curiosity should never be denied." "I'm really not all that curious, Dean." "Listen, now hold on a second - I know you're young and you're inexperienced...but there's a lot I can teach you." "You wanna bet me?" "You should never hide, and deny your feelings for somebody...especially me. You know, this man here can bring out the best in you, and show you everything you need to know to--" "Dean, can I ask you something? Are you right handed or left handed?" "Why?" "Well, it just looks you need some companionship, and...why don't you go home and entertain yourself?" The door slams into her from behind. It's Benoit. "Dean...it's just another broad." "They got a doorstop here?" We watch the Radicalz walk away...the Hardyz happen by and check on Lita...and we watch the Radicals turn around and punk 'em out. The four get the better of the two, and leave THEM laying as well.
Meanwhile, Kane is WALKING! And beating up random folks who walk by
Meanwhile, the Undertaker is WALKING! And I've just about HAD it with this show and all it's damn WALKING!
Hey, are you telling me Dean Malenko isn't "James Bond" anymore? Umm, OKAY
Moments Ago, four paragraphs ago...aaaahhhh
WELL IT'S KANE (with Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight) v. HEY HEY HEY HEY (on his beautiful Titan bike, with RAW credits & TV-14-DLV-CC boxes) - Yeah, yeah, the steps levitated, whatever. Kane rushes him, right, soupbone from Undertaker, right from Kane, soupbone, right, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, into the ropes and Undertaker don't care, soupbone left soupbone left soupbone left soupbone left soupbone, soupbone, soupbone...into the ropes is reversed, big boot by Kane. Elbowdrop. Elbowdrop again. 1, 2, kickout. Head to the buckle by Kane, uppercut, elbow, right, into the opposite corner, follow clothesline. Right hand. Right to the back of the neck. Uppercut. Into the opposite corner, 'Taker puts up a boot. Big clothesline from the Dead Man. Elbowdrop off the ropes gets 2. Elbow to the back of the head. Soupbone, soupbone, kick, soupbone, into the opposite corner is reversed, Kane with a sidewalk slam. 1, 2, no. Why wouldn't Kane have spent Thanksgiving with his FATHER? Is that a plot hole? Tossing 'Taker out...and following. Kane with a right. Right. 'Taker fires back with a soupbone. Right from Kane. 'Taker blocks a head to the barricade, elbows the gut, and puts KANE'S head to the barricade. Elbow to the back of the head. Rolled back in the ring...Kane snaps to and stomps 'Taker as he comes back in - right, stomp, into the ropes, head down, DDT by the Undertaker. Got him in a choke...chokeslam! Signalling for the powerbomb...but EDGE & CHRISTIAN are out - aww shit. (DQ 4:12) Three-way stompdown ensues - now KING KURT ANGLE is joining the party. Ross asks if this is what he meant by putting "sports" back in "sports entertainment." Could it be ironic when Ross says "I hate hypocrites" - maybe some smark could tell me. Undertaker thinks about coming back, so Angle hightails it out of the ring. The other three manage to keep the upper hand, however. Play Angle's music!
WWF Shop Zone dot com ad
"SmackDown! 2" ad #3
three paragraphs ago
Coming back, we join Angle, Edge & Christian as they share congratulations...but an angry Mick Foley is waiting in the dressing room. "Get out. GET OUT!" Angle tries to stick up for Edge & Christian, but Foley ain't here for that. "Shut up, Kurt - shut up! Shut your mouth, for once in your life stop talking! You see, you go out there and you think you know about integrity, don't you, and then what do you do? You have the gall to interfere in not just one but two matches, so when I'm looking at you, you know what I see? I see a sniveling, cowardly, gold medal wetting hypocrite. You see, I heard you out, I listened to you, but you don't care about our business - you just care about yourself!" "Those are some pretty strong words, Mick. And it really hurts me. Especially coming from a guy whose greatest move was sticking a sock down someone's throat. It really pains me to hear that from a fellow 'athlete' like yourself, but what you fail to realise is in the short year I've been here, I've learned a lot. I've learned when you're WWF Champion, you've gotta do what you gotta do to remain champion. The bottom line is, Mick, I'm keepin' this title...and there's nothin' you can do about it." "If that's going to be your attitude, Kurt, that's fine, but you see you are wrong about one thing. I'm the Commissioner and there IS something I can do about it! You see, I make the matches and you WILL be defending that title you love so much, and you'll do it here tonight, understand? If Edge & Christian interfere, you're looking at a 90-day suspension guaranteed! And Kurt...your opponent for tonight...probably doesn't deserve it, seeing as he's been a little bit out of control... It's going to be Stone Cold Steve Austin."
STEVEN RICHARDS & BALD VENIS (with Ivory & Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!) v. MOM II - "We have accomplished so much here in the WWF...yet all of you still reject what is right and embrace what is wrong! That is why we're here - because you do not know any better, so we will continue to fight the good fight until you see things our way. Because we, the Right to Censor, is in control." Hey, Richards, nice grammar. "Ain't no time for rappin', it's time for scrappin'!" Ross tells us that if they defeat Richards and Venis tonight, a tag team shot might be in order, which seems to telegraph to us the victors in this match ahead of time. Pier Four Brawl - Richards quickly tossed outside (did he injure himself already? Har, har.) In the ring, Dogg has Venis - into the ropes, reersed, duck, left, left, left, both men get jiggy, but Richards trips up Venis, then pulls him outside for a powwow. Kwik does something some will call "dancing," then leaps over the top rope to the floor in a tope, landing on all three Right to Censor folks. Venis put back in for a pumphandle slam from the Dogg...Richards saves at 2. Castrol Double Feature of the dive. Venis is wearing....*brown* pants tonight instead of his usual white. Tag to Kwik - into the ropes, double hiptoss. They clasp hands and hit a weird double legdrop. Backstage, we see the champs watching on on a monitor. Kwik right, right, into the corner, reversed, Kwik up and over, superfluous backflip, side kick, tag, open kick for the Dogg. Into the ropes, Venis holds on, knee in the gut, neckbreaker, tag to Richards. Suplex gets 2. Right, iick, kick, kick, kick, kick, blatant choke, "look in my eyes!" Richards stands on his neck and asks him to pleast look at his eyes again. Ivory gets in a shot while Richards argues with referee "Blind" Chad Patton. Into the ropes, collision puts both men down. Richards is holding his left wrist to his side...hell, maybe he DOES get injured every match. Crowd claps for Dogg - HOT TAG! Here comes Venis - ducks the first one, but not the next three rights, Kwik gets jiggy, then throws another right. Into the ropes, big back body drop. Ross proclaims him "unorthodox yet charismatic." Right, right, all four men in the ring now. Double whip, RtC collides in the centre. Richards tossed. Kwik is ready to finish of Venis, but he counters the piledriver attempt with a ...sitout spinebuster? 1, 2, Dogg saves at the last possible moment. Right for Venis, right, Venis dumps him to the floor and tags in Richards. Right, Kwik put on the second floor, right, Kwik fires back, right, right, right, front superplex - 1, 2, 3! (4:45) Replay of the front superplex, and some of those oh so funky (non-wrestling) moves from K-Kwik. THIS G *ain't* gettin rowdy.
Here's a switch - Stone Cold Steve Austin is WALKING away from us!
Meanwhile, the Hardy Boyz are WALKING down some stairs!
Please, WWF. I'm BEGGIN' ya. YA GOTTA STOP ALREADY WITH ALL THIS WALKING - smarks will start to openly wonder what happened to all your creativity...and then blame Stephanie in manifestos
And now, the WWF Rewind, brought to you by "SmackDown! 2!" From SmackDown! Thursday, the yearly WWF food fight
Outside the arena, Foley is getting some fresh air. Debra comes out to get him. Before they get back in, Tiger Ali Singh and Lo Down find Foley and demand not ONLY entrance to the arena, but some competition! Debra says she should have thought about that before ruining their Thanksgiving dinner. Foley says he's gonna give them a match - it'll even be a title match. They go inside..but Foley stops them, saying it's only for Tiger. Tiger says he was hoping for a Lo Down/Dudley Boyz match...but Foley says oh no, it's a Singh/Blackman match...for the hardcore title. Singh makes a face for our benefit.
VANILLA MIDGETS & PERRY SATURN (with Nipples and Earlier Tonight)
v. HARDY BOYZ (with WWF.com logo) and
? - hey, who do YOU think it's gonna
be? If you're any kind of WWF fan, it should be no surprise at all that
the next music you hear is that of CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO...AND
be no *problem* at all. ("But it's so PREDICTABLE." "Shut up, ya stupid
idiot smark.") It's a Pier Six brawl - good luck Korderas! To *further*
confuse me, about eight frames of some OTHER show are spliced in at this
point. Anyway, the Hardyz whip Saturn into Malenko, and they work in the
"accidental headbutt to the groin" spot. Double wheelbarrow suplex on
Saturn. Malenko whipped into the corner, Poetry in motion. Korderas
finally decides on a legal man and asks Matt to please step outside. Terri
tries to grab Jeff's ankle, meanwhile, and Saturn sets up for a clothesline
- but Jeff ducks it and clotheslines HIM instead. Right, right, right,
Benoit from behind into a Saturn belly-to-belly overhead suplex. Malenko
stomp, stomp, stomp. Scoop...and a slam. Got the leg, tag to Benoit, got
the other leg, double knee to the mat. Benoit drops the knee across HIS
knee. Knee across the bottom rope, buttdrop. Stage whisper: "I think he's
working on the knee!" Benoit goes for another kneebreaker, but Hardy
follows through into a rollup - Malenko dropkicks to break it up. Crowd:
"Y2J!" Saturn tagged in - leg across the second rope - kick, knee to the
back of the knee. Hardy tries to kick Saturn away, and DOES manage a
jawbreaker...but the lunge to his corner is caught with a
spear/spinebuster/something. Tag to Malenko, kick, kick, going outside and
pulling Hardy with him - elbow to the back of the knee, back in, stomp, tag
to Benoit. Holding him down for an elbowdrop to the knee. Knife-edge
chop, chop, right, stomp, Hardy punches back, kick, but Benoit dropkicks
the knee. Tag to Saturn. Saturn puts the leg on the second rope and
buttdrops the knee. Anklelock. Tag to Malenko, who...all together
now...works the knee. Malenko hangs onto the knee - Hardy tries to hop to
his corner, but Malenko keeps pounding. Finally, Hardy hops up with the
other leg and connects with a mule kick - and there's a HOT TAG TO
JERICHO!! Clothesline for Malenko! Clothesline! Knockdown for Benoit,
knockdown for Saturn - Malenko pounds, into the ropes, Jericho with the
flying jalapeno! Running bulldog! Leg is hooked, but Saturn breaks it up
- Matt Hardy in - clotheslined out. Benoit gets HIM from behind, and
Jericho hits a springboard dropkick on Benoit! Matt on the apron - flying
clothesline to Saturn on the floor! Hardy leaps onto the pile! Back in
the ring, Jericho's dropkick comes up empty - Malenko with the rollup, but
Jericho with the followthrough - right, right, right, Malenko rolls it, but
Jericho pops up and grabs the legs - Walls of Jericho! Malenko taps.
(5:31) EDDIE GUERRERO is quickly
out, but Jericho grabs HIS legs to put
HIM in the Walls...Terri grabs Jericho's hair to try to stop it, but Matt
is in and he's got Terri - catches a kick, single leg, will Jeff hit the
swantonbomb? No - Saturn shoves him off the top and crotches him on the
way down. Hardy punches Malenko and Saturn, but Benoit punches HIM, then
catches up to Jericho and locks in the Crippler crossface! Malenko with a
knee on Matt's back - Saturn with a knee off the top! Form of the
Vegematic! Then they hold down Jeff for Guerrero's frog splash! Benoit
gives us a sadistic smile. So the Radicalz lost twice...but at least they
"got their heat back" both times, right?
Backstage, Austin laces up
Meanwhile, Blackman beats up a punching bag held by Al Snow...and after THAT gets knocked out of his hands, he shadow boxes mere inches from Snow's face. Then he takes off. "Great, Steve! You're ready!"
"SmackDown! 2" ad #4 - I think
Chris Jericho eats ravioli
Back in the dressing room, Angle gets pumped up by his mates. "Who is walking into this match SO the WWF Champion?" "And who is TOTALLY walking out of this match WWF Champion?" "It's true! TRUE TO THE MAX!" "Totally TRUBULAR!"
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: TIGER ALI-SINGH v. STEVE BLACKMAN - Singh, who appears to have inherited a hyphen during his long absence, still has the Iron Shiek's music but is now announced "from India," instead of from the continent of Asia. (note to self: Iron Shiek was not Indian) The smarks have asked me to remind you that this "feud" (by which they mean, this match) has started all over...a thrown pie. Singh is reluctant to tie up, citing his very nice suit. Blackman decides to go out after him - the chase is on! Blackman decides to turn round and run the other way, meeting him on the other side with a heel kick. Stomp. Into the ring, right, right, kick, reverse kick, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp. Singh with a kick, kick, Blackman catches the next one and spins around with a reverse leg sweep that causes one of Singh's shoes to fly off.
him to the post and makes a wish. I believe it may have been "I wish I was
wrestling anybody else," but that one's not coming true TONIGHT! Back in
the ring - into the ropes, standing side kick. Blackman outside to find
some toys, while Singh grabs his shoe...and puts it back on. Lawler and I
simultaneously say "Hit him with your shoe, you idiot!" Blackman has two
garbage can lids. Into the ropes, kneecapping him with the lid. Back of
the head. "We're having fun now!" Backhanded lid to the head. Running
bulldog to the garbage can lid. Blackman out again...and he's got the bag
of fun. Sticks! "IT'S PARTY TIME!" Singh managed to come up with a
garbage can lid...Blackman hits the ready position - and Singh holds the
lid out as if it were a shield. Seeing him not move, Singh
lunges...Blackman waits. Finally, Singh strikes - Blackman calmly blocks
it, then hits the Party Time hundred sticks. Blackman kicks away the lid,
then hits a stick-in-the-crotch slam. He pulls off the turban! SINGH'S
CUT HIS HAIR OFF!! Blackman on the top turnbuckle - we look back to Singh,
who has his turban. You KNOW he's thinking "at least I got my hat back!"
but he turns around to take a kendo stick right between the eyes. 1, 2, 3.
(3:32) Blackman: "THE
TURBAN IS MINE!" Oh, wait, he just threw it back on
him. Well, that's good - I was *worried* that he was going to disrespect
his religion! I would like a screen capture of Blackman in the turban if
you've got it.
Backstage, Edge & Christian provide final support...they can't be out there with him, but they'll be ready with a fresh carton of milk when he gets back! They head to the ring...but the Rock jumps ALL of 'em from behind! Of COURSE, he can take on all three of them - he's the Rock! Refs, officials AND Foley get everybody separated. The Dudley Boyz hold back Rock...then Foley tells them to take him outside. Foley ALSO directs the refs to put Edge & Christian outside. That should be a fun time outside! Finally, Foley forces Angle to get his ass to the ring despite his beaten down state...golly, he's *perturbed!*
"SmackDown! 2" ad #5 - I think
Moments Ago...two paragraphs ago
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: KING KURT ANGLE (with Armageddon is presented by Castrol!) v. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN - Champ enters first because his theme music doesn't have a guy shouting "STEP OFF" in it. Austin hits all four corners to pose. Here we go - Angle wants the knuckle lock, but Austin (ha) steps off. Lockup, go behind by Austin, standing switch, waistlock takedown...and Angle lets up to let him get up. Angle outside to show off his pretty gold medals. "You don't have these..." Angle gives him a bird for his troubles. Back in, lockup, side headlock by Austin, to the ropes, powering out, shoulderblock by Austin, cover, quick 2. Side headlock takeover by Austin - Angle rolls it for 2, Austin rolls back. Angle pulls the tights again and again gets 2. Angle to his feet, but Austin keeps it on. Angle with a forearm to the kidney to break out, but Austin calmly locks it back on AGAIN after Angle comes off the ropes with a leapfrog. Angle with a death suplex...but Austin keeps it on! Austin loves that side headlock! Angle finally manages to get to his feet - powering out, shoulderblock by Austin, up and over, drop toehold by Angle, floating over into a front face - and a half nelson. Austin to his knees...countering with a fireman's carry takeover and keeps the arm pinned - knee to the elbow - another knee - and one more knee. Austin to the wakigatame (no, REALLY) and Angle isn't sure how to counter the armbar. Angle heads to the corner...Austin calmly bashes his head into the top turnbuckle. "Ang Gull Sux!" Austin brings him out, and goes back to the arm wringer. Angle with a right, right, right - Austin with a side headlock takeover...Angle finally remembers the proper counter to this is a head scissors - Austin flips over to try a pin - Angle bridges up - Angle to a backslide - 1, 2, no! Angle goes for the belly-to-belly, but Austin stops it with rights, off the ropes, back elbow by Angle and Austin falls outside. Angle follows him - forearm to the back - head to the STEEL steps. Head to the commentary table! Rolled back in the ring, and Angle follows - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Austin is ready to pull himself up - kick, kick, kick, into the ropes, but Angle grabs the knee and rolls him over for 2. Kick by Angle, *nice* Northern Lights suplex. Stomp by Angle. Arm over the shoudler - another nice suplex by Angle...gets 2.
Into the ropes, reversed, Austin to the sleeper! C'mon, Austin, bust out
the Million Dollar Dream! We all want to see it! Angle runs in a circle
and ends up putting Austin through the ropes to the floor. Angle out after
him - dropping him on the barricade! Rolled back in under the bottom rope.
Angle with a right hand. Right, into the ropes, knee...no no! It's - IT'S
AN ABDOMINAL STRETCH!! Angle's THE MAN! I wonder if they're making Austin
all technical to turn the crowd against him, to turn him heel... Hiptoss
takeover breaks it. Snapmare by Austin. Off the ropes, but the elbow
misses. Into the ropes...Angle going for the abdominal stretch again - and
he's got it again! Now PULLING ON THE ROPES FOR LEVERAGE! Of course,
troubleshooting referee "Blind" Earl Hebner won't let this stand and breaks
it up... Discussion ensues...Angle backs into a suplex attempt, but
backflips out of it. Austin rams Angle's head into the top turnbuckle. To
the opposite corner and to THAT top turnbuckle...and again...and
again....this is a vertiable Ten Turnbuckle Count Along...only, Angle
escapes at nine and makes it to the apron while Hebner and Austin have a
word...Austin back over, running him along the apron to the adjacent top
turnbuckle for TEN! Austin outside - they're heading for the commentary
table - and so is Angle's head! Kurt Angle, meet the STEEL steps.
Everybody back in - Angle trying to escape through the ropes - eh eh, says
Austin. Into the ropes, Thesz press! Nine rights but Angle tries a rollup
- eh eh. Right, stomp, into the ropes, spinebuster! Wait a minute, here's
STEPHANIE ONO -
1, 2, kickout! Austin spies Steph...and gives *her* a free
bird. Angle with a schoolboy and holding the tights - 1, 2, NO! Austin
right, right, right, KICK WHAM
STUNNER - cover...but THE NEW MAN flies into
the picture with a forearm to Austin's head. Triple H and Austin
exchanging punches... (DQ
9:17) Geez, did he piss his pants or WHAT?
Piston-like rights from H - I counted 32 before he got back up. Angle
wants a piece, but Triple H shoves him aside and HE gets to stomping.
Angle tries one more stomp, but decides to take off instead. H with a
choke. Stephanie puts a chair in the ring. H with five kicks - calling
for the chair - stomp, standing on the neck...Angle watches from the top of
the ramp as H positions the chair - right hand. Setting him
up...NECKBREAKER ON THE STEEL CHAIR! See ya, Hebner. Triple H removes
hisi shirt, revealing a noticably scar-free torso...and poses over Austin
as his music plays. Credits are up and we're out.
The Rock's got pop. Have you heard?
Hey! Wait a minute!
...he's JUST FINE?
The smarks were RIGHT!
Although I may be digging this "wrestling" Austin the most, this Triple H thing has a lameness that seems set to completely overshadow *everything.* And I don't mean in a good way. It doesn't help when they give us a hell of a lot of clips of things we've just seen, combined with at least one shot of EVERY SINGLE EMPLOYEE WALKING! and try to call it a show.
Eh, let's just move on...see ya Thursday!