/11 December 2000
WWF RAW is WAR
Kim made it through the surgery fine and is resting at home.
Thanks *very* much for all your help on Friday!
TONIGHT: It's the last time we'll see that main event graphic for Armageddon! Also, will Mick Foley (seen here, walking slowly and sadly) be a man of his word and resign? Find out...NEXT!
QUICK QUOTE: 15 3/4 (+ 2 5/8 ... last year: 16 1/2)
One World TV-14-DLV-CC Leader Attitude - WWF!
Much as we opened the pay-per-view last night, we open with a video montage with that strangely Doors-esque soundtrack - anybody who can ID the song (which isn't "The End" - I know *that* much) gets a cookie - anyway, on THIS night, clips from the Armageddon main event are spliced in - specially tinted to prevent us from dwellin' too much on all that BLOOD
Opening credits - a different problem: we KNOW who did this one, but we can't make out the lyrics. Why IS he a thorn in your eye, anyway?
KICKSTART MY HEART - we are LIVE from the Pyramid in Memphis, TN 11.12.2K, transmitido en espanol SAP and also from that restaurant up there - tonight, with no wrestling competition, we'll put the TN back in TNN - much like that brand new "TNN" on top of the EntertainmentTron - tonight... RAW ... IS ... WARRRRR!
First shots will be taken tonight by KING KURT ANGLE, *still* our WWF Champion, flanked by brand NEW tag team champions (for the fourth time) EDGE & CHRISTIAN. We are told that both Rikishi (ruptured spleen) and Triple H (herniated disc) are in the hospital resulting from last night's Hell in the Cell matchup. Their blood is on Foley's hands...will he make good on his promise and resign? "So! How was your year? I ask you this because there are three things that you people can take to some degree of certainty as we head to the holiday season. Christmas will be on December 25th, Elvis Presley is still dead, and Your Olympic Hero, along with his friends Edge & Christian, just completed the single most dominant year in World Wrestling Federation history. Last night at Armageddon, Edge & Christian won the tag team titles for the fourth time this year. Incredible, guys, incredible." Edge: "But, Kurt, not to be outdone, my friend...but you TOTALLY went to hell and back last night at Armageddon." "Yeah, and when it was all said and donesville, you SO remained WWF Champion." "Thanks guys, because it wasn't easy. Last night was a war...it's true. I'm still reliving the chairshots to the head - being thrown face first into the steel cage...and witnessing some of the most brutal carnage that I have ever witnessed. I saw Rikishi fly through the air and land with a sickening thud. I saw Triple H rithing in in pain, suffering even more injuries to his already-injured back. (Ross: "He was even WRITHING, too") But alas, I saw my arm - I saw my arm, DRAPED across the Rock's bloody body as the referee counted...one, two, three. And there you have it: a Christmas miracle come early, Your Olympic Hero defying all odds, overcoming Mick Foley's sadistic rules, and emerging over Triple H, Rikishi, Stone Cold Steve Austin, the Undertaker, and the Rock...to remain the WWF Champion. What is WRONG with you people? What do I have to do to earn your respect? I was in the most brutal match of my life last night - a six-man Hell in the Cell, where *I* was the champion. *I* came out on top. I'm sorry to say, but guess what, people? The Undertaker's not your champion...Stone Cold Steve Austin is not your champion. And the Rock can make fun of me all he wants...but guess what? He's not your champion, either, IS HE? I didn't think so." IF YA SMELLLLLL is out to provide Editorial Response....and perhaps feed a chant or two with subtle facial movements. Whew, so much free time while we wait for Rock to start talking already. "Kurt Angle, the Rock'll give you all the credit in the world. After last night at Armageddon, you still walked out WWF Champion. And after last night at Armageddon, Hell in the Cell - the Rock went through hell and back...you see, quite frankly, Kurt Angle, the Rock's not here to talk about last night, the Rock's here to talk about...tonight. The Rock's here to talk about tonight, and seein' as this IS the Holiday Season, the season of giving, well the Rock feels like giving you three things." It's always threes with the Rock, isn't it? "Rock E!" "Holiday season, the Rock givin' the gift of giving - three things, number one, the Rock'll give you your milk; number two, the Rock'll give you your cookies; and number three, the Rock is gonna give you an ass kicking of a lifetime! Three things...all for the WWF title." "Whoa - whoa. Hold on a second there, Mister. I'd love to face you tonight, right here in Knoxville....sorry, Memphis, like it really makes a difference...but, I would love to face you, Rock, but let's face it. I am not 100%, and it would be unfair to my fans here, and worldwide, if I were to face you in less than 100% and defend that title, but I'll tell you what, being that my friends Edge & Christian are out here, and we're in kind of a giving mood as well, why don't you round up a couple of YOUR friends, and let's have ourselves a little tag team match? A match of your choice, Rock...I'm sure Edge, Christian and myself would be more than happy to oblige you." "Whoa, wait, hold on there one second, Kurt. I think you're forgetting...this chumpstain the Brahma Bull doesn't HAVE any friends. It's like the old song goes, he is the Rock, he is an island." "So, Rock, since you're so eager for a fight, Freddy McFriendless, ha ha, why don't you take on the three of us in a handicap match?" "How 'bout it, Rock?" Before the Rock answers, THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ walk out - looks are exchanged, and I think we can all see where this is going. "Well, seein' as the Rock has just been joined by the Dudley Boyz...and seein' as you just told the Rock he could have any type of match he wanted...but you see..." Crowd: "Tay-bull!"
you told the Rock he could have any type of match he wanted, the type of
match that the Rock had in mind doesn't include titles...it includes....it
includes testicles and tables. And seein' as you three probably don't have
any testicles at all, and we have tables...and it's not gonna be about the
three I's, it's gonna be about the four T's, and that means tag team
testicle table match." "Well Rock, that's just fine with us - if that's
what you want, but there's one thing that I know is for sure. The Dudley
Boyz aren't really your friends - they're just jealous because Edge &
Christian got the jobs done last night and they couldn't. But if this is
the match you want, Rock, you certainly have it, because I know one thing -
the three I's can beat four T's anytime...and that is true." "Is that
really true, Kurt Angle?" "It's damn true, Rock." "Shut your mouth,
jabrone. The Rock says this: ... the Rock says this: before we get into
that four T match tonight, the Rock likes to call something option B, which
means..." and they slowly walk down the aisle. "The Rock and the Dudleyz,
we just walk down this ramp...and proceed to whip all your candyasses all
over Memphis..." and Katie, bar that door. Rock takes Angle while the
Dudleyz go after Edge & Christian. The tag teams end up outside, while
inside the ring Angle starts to get the better of the Rock. Whip into the
opposite corner..but Rock pops out with a clothesline - setting up for Rock
Bottom, but Edge & Christian save him, and quickly, they're all out to the
aisle, where a protective wall of refs materialises. Kurt: "Get my belt!"
Music: "If ya smelllll..." Lawler promises a big surprise later in the
show. Lawler, surprising us in Memphis? Perish the thought!
Backstage, Edge & Christian ponder the meaning of "tag team testicle table match." "Are they implying we don't have any testicles?" "Worse than that, are they saying they wanta put our testicles through a table? Oh, MAN." Angle: "Hey, guys, guys...it'll be fine...just follow me. Let's go."
DEAN MALENKO & PERRY SATURN (with Nipples & Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!...and Armageddon) v. HARDY BOYZ (with Lita) - The Hardyz rush the ring and it's on - Saturn is quickly tossed and Dean is tied in the ropes to take free shots from both men until referee "Blind" Tim White interjects himself. Saturn manages to free Malenko, but the Hardyz shove him off the apron to the floor. Malenko put into the opposite corner hard. Each man grabs an arm and leg and swings Malenko backward in a variant of the wheelbarrow suplex, then they somersault backwards to do it again, but Saturn is back in with a shot to Jeff, taking him through the ropes, and an armbar takedown on Matt. Matt sent into the ringpost, shoulder first and out to the floor. Saturn out after him, arm to the post once again. Ross can't tell the difference between Malenko and Saturn? Time to put a bullet in him. Northern Lights Suplex on the arm once they're back in. Free shot for Jeff, bringing him in to distract the ref. Saturn drives the shoulder, again, to a cross armbreaker...now with a chickenwing suplex, again right on the arm (ignore the camera angle that blows the story for us). Hard into the corner, tag to Malenko, kick, right, arm wringer, hammerlock...but Hardy ducks through the ropes in the corner, taking Malenko's shoulder to the top buckle. Malenko back to the arm wringer, shoulder to shoulder, Matt ducks the next one and turns it into a death suplex...and both men are down. HOT TAG to Jeff, tag to Saturn, right by Hardy, right, right, Malenko brought in the hard way and Jeff gets to punching HIM, ignoring Saturn, who quickly punks him out from behind with a sledge. Matt in and on Saturn. Malenko put into the corner, Poetry in Motion. Saturn with a double axehandle on Jeff, into the corner, but Jeff springs to the top, hitting a corkscrew moonsault on Saturn. Matt with the Twist of Fate (with his hurt arm! Oh no!), Jeff with a swantonbomb...but as he goes to cover, we look to the outside, where Lita is colliding with Terri! Malenko is over as Lita climbs onto the apron to complain - grabbing her ankles and pulling her to the floor, hitting her head on the way down. Jeff goes outside and takes it to Malenko, who reverses a whip into the STEEL steps. Somehow, White ignores all these doin's outside, focussing instead on Hardy with laserlike precision, and getting to a quick ten. Saturn and Malenko are your winners. (COR 3:37) To add insult to injury, Malenko gets himself a soft carees...and a free kiss on the unconscious Lita on his way out. Guy in the front row: "Whoa! Get all up in there, dude!" This is so heinous, it gets a replay!
Outside, Brisco and Patterson meet a limousine, where Vince McMahon steps out. Patterson remarks on the frigid weather. McMahon: "What's wrong with you? This is nice weather! This is FOOTBALL weather! This is XFL weather!" He fails to say "this is cheerleader hypothermia weather!" - maybe during the ad break
SmackDown! 2 ad...featuring Kurt Angle
In the local slot, AT&T Broadband sneaks in a Starrcade
promo - it's
Time now for the Lugz Peace & Joy! From Armageddon, Undertaker gives Rikishi a gentle shove...and he gracefully falls into a truck bed filled with wood chips and stuntman cushions.
As they enter their dressing room, Patterson asks Vince if Foley's gonna resign tonight. "Do I think he'ss gonna resign? Now, you all heard what Mick Foley said. He said that if anyone is seriously injured in Hell in the Cell he *would* resign. That's why I'm here tonight. Because my son-in-law, Triple H, is in traction as we speak. He's in a great deal of pain - he has herniated discs in his back. Rikishi, because of his involvement in Hell in the Cell, Rikishi has a ruptured spleen. Is Mick Foley gonna resign tonight? Let me tell ya something. If Mick Foley doesn't resign voluntarily...I'll *force* the SOB to."
WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRIS BENOIT v. THA 1 BILLY GUNN - Benoit is your new champion thanks to a tapout last night. We can only hope that this return match signals a blowoff and Benoit moves along to better things. Right by Gunn, right by Benoit, Gunn, Benoit, Gunn, Benoit to the face. Right hand, kick, right by Gunn, right by Benoit. Into the ropes is reversed by Gunn, duck, leapfrog by Gunn, chop ducked, gutshot by Gunn, into the ropes, press...and SHIT! Gunn tried really hard to drop him on his head. Gunn quickly mounts him and between rights, asks "Ya'aright?" Benoit says "yeah" between punches, so that's a relief. And now we see EDDIE GUERRERO wander out as we take a 1-800-COL-LECT Double Feature of Gunn dropping Benoit on his head...it doesn't look as bad from this angle, which in this case is a *good* thing. Head to the buckle by Gunn. Right hand. Kick. Right. "Eddie sux!" Into the ropes, Benoit reverses, driving a knee in the gut. Guerrero exhorting Benoit to "kick his butt" - always a successful heel tactic, saying "butt." Benoit kicks Gunn in the head. Into the ropes, hard elbow gets 2 for referee "Blind" Mike Chioda. Gunn punches from his knees, Benoit punches back. Right. Snap suplex. 1, 2, Gunn kicks out. Kick to the head, again. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Gunn, Benoit into the ropes, big back body drop. Clothesline. Clothesline again. Benoit ducks another one and hits a death suplex. Guerrero calls over Chioda by standing on the apron, as the camera pulls back to reveal the intercontinental title belt sitting in the ring...and Benoit going for it. Gunn catches him with a death suplex before he can grab it. Gunn has the belt - WHACK! Leg is hooked, but Guerrero and Chioda are still in talks - Gunn over to pop *Eddie* one and go back to the cover - 1, 2, NO! Fame'Asser hits - 1, 2, Eddie plus Gunn in the head and Chioda has no choice but to call for the bell. (DQ 3:16...hmmm) Guerrero with a right, no effect. Anothe right, no effect. Guerrero's demeanor changes, and he tries to offer the hand of friendship - that's slapped away. Gunn grabs Guerrero's shirt and gets ready to rare back with a right...but unfortunately for him, Benoit is up behind him and HE'S got that right arm - CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! Gunn taps (like that'll help) while Guerrero adds some insult to injury. Ring that bell, it won't help. Benoit *finally* lets it go...and smiles. And laughs!
In the Commissioner's office, MICHAEL KING COLE invites himself in and asks Foley if he plans to resign. "You know, I've got a lot of mixed feelings about Armageddon. On one hand, we saw in Hell in the Cell one of the most hellacious matches any of us have ever seen, but on the other hand, people did get hurt. Now if you'd excuse us, we kinda...got a show we're tryin' to run right now."
XFL spot - if he's so high on the XFL, why is Ventura wearing a *WWF* sweatshirt?
Here's an exterior shot of the Pyramid - it ain't no Luxor
Michael King Cole catches up to the Undertaker, but first...
Courtesy: the Encore, here are some of the sights and sounds of Hell in the Cell - in black and white. This is like that MNF "mic'd up" thing - is that what they call it? I forget. Anyway, several slo-mo's of Undertaker pushing Rikishi off the top of the cell.
"Man, don't even start to lay that trip on me, 'cause as I recall, I was gittin' as much as I was givin'. You know, I warned everyone what it was like to be in the Cell. I told the world that I was gonna unleash the animal, and I told the world that I was gonna make somebody famous. So when I got into the cell...I was at home. So I did what comes natural. I hurt people. That's what I do. I hurt people. ... Cole, look at me. Do you think I give a damn about Mick Foley, whether he retires, quits or gets fired? I don't give a DAMN about Mick Foley. You know, it is kind of ironic, though, that the man may lose his career twice over the same match. But you know what? When I look back, I don't remember one time, Mick Foley being on top of a cell with me. I don't remember Mick Foley hittin' me in the head with a chair last night. I believe it was all Rikishi, and I didn't see Foley throw Rikishi off the cell - it was me. And because of the pain and punishment that I took, winning the title...it becomes seconday to hurting that man. And as I grabbed him by his neck, and I threw him off the top of that cell...and as I watched him fall, and then as I watched him lay there motionless...you know what? I enjoyed it. I enjoyed makin' that man suffer. And drenched in my own blood, and the blood of others, I knew that I was home. But what happened to Rikishi - what happened to all those guys...is just an example. That ring -
it's my yard. And I'm the big dog that runs that yard. Get in my
yard...and you get hurt."
Al Snow pays Foley a visit. Seeing the Hell in the Cell match brought back memories of his run as hardcore champion, fightin' for his life, tooth and nail, toe to toe...they've been friends for a long time and he's never asked for anything from him - tonight he wants a hardcore match with Raven. Foley says Snow has a broken wrist; he shouldn't be competing. "Thank you, Mr. Safety. This from a man who wrestled with a tooth up his nose." Snow tells Mick he doesn't agree with Vince. "In fact, I think you've been doing a real good job." He's almost choking on having to say it, though. Foley says he'll give him the match AND he'll wish him luck. "Between us...don't resign tonight. All right?" "Be careful out there."
Kurt Angle, Edge & Christian are WALKING!
Meanwhile, the Dudley boyz are WALKING! Coming by some tables, they collect one...
Meanwhile, the Rock is WALKING! He almost looks LOST!
Yo Chuck - didja have to *steal* that music to listen to it on your Rio?
KING KURT ANGLE & EDGE & CHRISTIAN v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ and IF YA SMELLLLLLLLL.COM in a table match - interesting placement of this match in the show, isn't it? Christian starts with D-Von - gutshot by Christian, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversal, up and over, Dudley with a hiptoss, armdrag, clothesline, tag. Buh Buh Ray in with the open shot, elbow to the head, off the ropes with an elbowdrop. Christian fires back with a knee to the gut and a right. Tag to Edge, who runs into a powerslam. Into the ropes, big back body drop. Tag to Rock - right, right, right, into the ropes, Edge ducks, but Rock hits a Samoan Drop...for 2. Right hand. Two boots up by the Dudleyz and Rock rams Edge into them. Tag to D-Von, repeated rights to the midsection. Right. Big haze in the arena from the pyro. Into the ropes, reversed, Christian drives a knee into D-Von's back to turn the tide. Stomping by Edge, tag to Angle. Right, right, right, right, right, right, kick, kick, kick, right. Into the ropes, back elbow. Quick cover...not even 1. Tag to Christian. Open shot to the kidney, right, D-Von punches back, Christian rakes the face. Into the ropes, boot to the gut, side Russian legsweep, to the headlock. Crowd wants tables. Hey, I just figured it out - it's a table match, so there *shouldn't* be covers - gotcha. D-Von elbows out...off the ropes, but Christian buries a knee - tag to Edge, open kick. Putting him on the top turnbuckle, right, Euro elbow, Edge to the second floor, but Dudley shoves him off - nice flying clothesline, but both men are down. Who will make the tag? Well, Christian distracts referee "Blind" Earl Hebner, causing him to miss D-Von's tag. When he turns back, he finds himself trying to restrain Buh Buh Ray Dudley, and *this* is enough of a distraction for Angle sneak in a cheap shot on the Rock, while Edge and Christian work over D-Von. Edge stays in, right, right, head to the buckle. D-Von tries a right, left, Edge fires back with a right. Whip into the opposite corner, but D-Von isn't there when he follows up - Edge jumps to the second turnbuckle, Dudley ready to pull him back in...D-Von with a super neckbreaker! Buh Buh Ray leading the cheers as he crawls to his corner - but Edge has the ankle. Unfortunately, he has to let him go to tag Angle, and D-Von manages to leap into a tag for the Rock! Block, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, belly-to-belly throw! Christian in - Rock with a gutshot and DDT for him. Free shot for Edge. Angle runs at Rock...and eats a spinebuster. Looks like it might be time for the most something something...but as Rock comes off the ropes, Edge pulls him out by the ankles - to the commentary table, repeatedly - and some big punches to the back of the head. Meanwhile, back IN the ring, Christian tastes "wassup," testify, D-Von, get them. Buh Buh outside with a shot for Edge (or, if you're Ross, "Christian" - ROSS HE'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU), trying to help out the Rock. Buh Buh Ray finds a table on HIS side of the ring as well. Two tables in, two Dudleyz in.
Buh Buh Ray has Christian up on his
shoulders for the Dudley Device, but Angle manages to pull the table out of
the way before he can go through it. Edge pulls D-Von outside and runs him
into the barricade. Buh Buh Ray going for a suplex on Angle through the
table, but he manages a gobehind. Angle with a waistlock, Buh Buh Ray with
a back elbow, another, Angle with a forearm to the back of the head and he
DOES hit the German suplex, but Rock is in to pull the table away...but not
fast enough, as Buh Buh receives a NASTY knock on the head on the very edge
of the table on his way down. Hebner: "Buh Buh, ya all right?" Dudley:
"Grrrrraah." Rock with a clothesline for the Rock as we take a
1-800-COL-LECT Double Feature. Got him ready for Rock Bottom, but Edge is
in with the save - into the ropes, no, reversal, *Edge* falls to the Rock
Bottom through the table! (8:21) While they're at it,
the Dudleyz go
ahead and superbomb Christian through the other one. Angle heads back up
the aisle...hmmm, I wonder what his plan was. Unless...MAYBE it was to
have Edge & Christian take the ride through tables while he took off.
Replays show Edge and Christian getting wood (testicles and all)...while
Angle takes his title AND his leave.
"Look, see? That's what Commissioner Foley is all about. When is everyone going to catch on - on the heels, the very night after Armageddon, the very night after Hell in the Cell, he gives us a table match!" McMahon asks Brisco to go check for the FedEx - the sooner they have those papers, the sooner they can get rid of Foley...
Chyna is WALKING! And her breasts are BOUNCING!
December's WWF Fanatic Series presentation is a special PPV edition of "Three Faces of Foley," "hosted by the commissioner himself!" Hmm, will they change this ad if Foley resigns? Or...is this their way of signalling that he's not GONNA resign....
During the Break...Stone Cold Steve Austin arrived...on foot...yes, friends, he was WALKING!
THAT SLUT WWFDIVAS.COM walks to the ring as we learn that RAW is WAR is brought to you by THQ's SmackDown! 2 for the PlayStation, Castrol Motor Oily, and Magic: the Gathering! Don't treat her like a custard, don't treat her like a flan. And here's the RAW Credits and one more TV-14-DLV ratings box *and* CC box. Okay, that's all out of the way, let's listen to her. "I think it would be safe to say that there aren't a whole lot of people, ah, who don't like the way that I dress. And I think it's safe to say that there are fewer people that don't like the fact that sometimes I'm completely UNdressed. So it seems that the only people that have had a problem with this - a problem with me in general has been Right to Censor. Now, Ivory, I know that you're back there watching me right now and I know this because lately, you just can't seem to stay out of my business. You couldn't seem to stay out of my business last night at Armageddon. So what I would like is for you to bring your tight-ass, librarian, bow tie butt down to this ring right now. Oh, and don't worry, Ivory, I've already been three-time Intercontinental champion, so I am not interested in your Women's title." Typical. "What I am very interested in is for you to come here right now because I am going to beat the morality out of your hypocritical body." And now, the response will be provided by IVORY (with Steven Richards). "Violence has never really solved anything. But yes, sometimes action has to be taken. Chyna, what you are doing is *totally unacceptable*. What you stand for is repulsive, and your message is perverse....so if it's a - if it's a fight that you want, I'll fight. I'll fight for what is right, for what's right because, Chyna, YOU ARE WRONG."
THAT SLUT CHYNA v. IVORY (with Steven Richards) in a nontitle match - Richards hits the ring first, but Chyna quickly tosses him through the ropes to the outside. Ivory with the hair from behind...but Chyna mangages a right. Into the corner, series of crappy forearms and kicks. Sat on the top turnbuckle...big beal. Here comes - whoa! The Giant Swing! Unfortunately, she loses the center and just about decapitates Ivory on the bottom rope as she ends up in the corner. Maybe she and Gunn could cripple *each other* instead of people I enjoy watching? Well, now, BALD VENIS runs out and hits her from behind - death suplex. Referee "Blind" Chad Patton decides to completely ignore all of this for some reason. Richards is in as well, now, as Venis sets up Chyna for a... YES! SPIKE PILEDRIVER!! Ivory helps and Chyna provides a nice bounce off it. Chyna fails to move - a few other refs come out as the RtC music plays. Let's call it (No contest 1:30?), I guess. We take a replay of the suplex and piledriver. The EMT's are out, and Chyna wears the collar...let's take an ad break.
They don't do piledrivers much in the WWF anymore, but when they *do* do them, they make sure they *mean* something. Still, if the Undertaker is such an ANIMAL now, you'd think HE could bust out a tombstone now and again...
Moments Ago, what great fun we had
with the Giant Swing! But Venis
came out, and the fun turned dark...Hey, in order to hit a piledriver,
Venis has to pretty much stick his nose....well, that's not very
As Chyna is loaded into the ambulance, Billy Gunn's nearby. "Hang in there, Chyna. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" pointing to Foley. Foley gives us sadness as I'm distracted by a boom mic gently floating off into the distance.
Meanwhile, Vince and Patterson remark on what we've just see. "Look what's happened to Chyna know - what else is going to happen tonight? Billy Gunn had it right - it's Mick Foley's fault. Not just because of what happened here to Chyna, it's Mick Foley's fault what happened to Triple H at Hell in the Cell, what happened to Rikishi." Patterson tells Vince Mick is trying to ruin his company. Vince wonders, just where the hell are his papers?
T&A (with Trish Straus - the fitness model...and 1-800-COL-LECT presents the Royal Rumble - coming soon!) v. ACOLYTES - Faarooq and Bradshaw returned last night. Test and Albert decide to meet them halfway up the aisle and we start early with a Pier Four brawl. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long isn't gonna have much luck getting these four under control. Test eats the STEEL steps while Albert and Bradshaw continue to trade off the advantage. Faarooq is over to tip the scales with a gutshot, forearm, forearm. Bradshaw puts Test into the steps again, then picks them up and rams them into Test...and into Albert. Test put in the ring - both Acolytes working him over. Into the ropes, double shoulderblock. It's FINALLY resembling one on one as Long puts Bradshaw in the corner. Gutshot by Faarooq, right, right, right, kick, into the ropes, reversed, Albert with a clothesline from behind, and Test with a big boot. Test peppering Faarooq with rights as Bradshaw and Albert go at it AGAIN on the outside - Long goes out to separate them. As he puts Bradshaw back in his corner, Albert joins Test in a doubleteam stompin' on Faarooq. Bradshaw grabs a chair, but Long gets it from him...but Bradshaw manages to sneak into the ring and give Albert a forearm and a knee. Again, Long tries to put Bradshaw in the corner while Albert stomps away on Faarooq. Test tries to run at him with the big boot, but Faarooq ducks it and hits a spinebuster. Both men are down. Both men tag! Big boot for Albert, into the ropes, reversal, head down, big shot by Bradshaw, chop, right, chop, big boot for Test, Albert in the corner, Faarooq in and now on Test on the outside. Second rope shoulderblock by Bradshaw on Albert - off the ropes with the Hades lariat - 1, 2, 3. (2:53) Bradshaw holds Albert's T&APA shirt high...and I think Faarooq got Test's...looks like *that* angle's over.
Back to the Musketeers we go, where Brisco arrives with the FedEx. We learn that it's from his lawyers, and inside, included with that nice pen is a resignation for Mick Foley to sign...by the end of the show, promises Vince.
WWF Shop Zone Dot Com spot
And now, 1-800-COL-LECT presents the WWF Slam of the Week! From Armageddon, Austin demolishes a crane camera on Triple H
JERRY LAWLER stands in the ring when we return. "Memphis, mah home town, and everybody knows I've got a big surprise for everybody here tonight, because first week in February the XFL is gonna be kickin' off and I'm tellin' ya we're gonna be kickin' right here with the Memphis Manix - yeah! And tonight, I wanna give you a sneak peek at our Memphis Maniax XFL cheerleaders! Come on out here, babes! Woooo! Yeah! C'mon girls!" Looks like it's time to grab a snack as nine or so MEMPHIS MANIAX CHEERLEADERS hit the ring and (allegedly) dance. "We're gonna have puppies and we're gonna have football in Memphis!" Fortunately, we are SAVED from any more of this foolishness by STEVEN RICHARDS, WALL BUCHANAN & GOODFATHER, who starts off on the mic. "What is WRONG with you people? What is wrong with this town? Don't you people realise that there are children in this audience watchin' this display of filth! You all ought to be ashamed o' yourselves." Buchanan: "I cain't believe y'all peopul cheer for these women! Cain't y'all see that they have disgraced? Well, if y'all cain't, we can, and we will not - I said we will NOT allow this perversion ta continyew." "You people cheer these girls like you cheer your Elvis Presley and his 'rock and roll!' Along with heavy metal, hard rock, and worst of all, rap Muzak--" "Oh you didn't know, you better call somebody, D-O-double-G and K-Kwik gettin' rowdy!" MOM II show up and...is this a match?
KING & MOM II v. RIGHT TO CENSOR in six-man "action" - K-Kwik and Dogg, wearing Maniax jerseys, take it to the former champs while Richards directs traffic, but he forgot about the guy behind him... Lawler unleashes his RIGHT HAND on Richards! But, with Dogg and Kwik tossed, the numbers take control on Lawler. Buchanan and Goodfather beat down Lawler. Dogg back in, Kwik back in, Pier Six brawl ensues. Four end up outside while Richards and Lawler end up in a corner. "Jer Ree!" chant is probably the loudest of the night. Lawler starts to no-sell the Richards right hand....and NOW THE STRAP'S DOWN! RIGHT HAND! RIGHT HAND! RIGHT HAND! Scooooop...and a slam. King on the second rope - FISTDROP FROM DA TOP... 1, 2, 3! (0:55) Lawler, I think, is the ONLY
guy in the WWF who
can actually *get* a victory in his hometown.
Foley catches up with Snow - after what happened to Chyna, he can't allow a hardcore match between Snow and Raven tonight. Snow stops short of a tantrum, but does tell Foley that he's a grown man and he can take care of himself. He won't take any unnecessary chances. "I've done a hundred of these things!" Foley relents - "...nothin' stupid, Al." "None - don't cut this match, Mick." "Okay."
YOW! Kevin Kelly stands in front of an EXCITING door! Actually, right there next to Kelly, that door *is* starting to look rather exciting...
Starrcade ad #2
When we come back, Austin is in now front of that door. "How do I feel? 'Mr. Austin, how do you feel?' Hell, son, I feel like I do every day of my life, I feel like beatin' someone's ass! ... As far as the Hell in the Cell goes, the toughest match of my life, I feel like the other five victims in that match, I feel like crap! But I tell you what I do feel good about, the fact of the matter that Triple H is layin' in a hospital bed right now with a ten pound weight on his neck in traction, because he's got a herniated disc. And I don't know how many discs or vertebrae are in a human body, but I wish every damn one of 'em was herniated. And when the son of a bitch comes back, that's exactly what I'm gonna do, is herniate every disc in his body! As far as tonight goes...sometimes Stone Cold Steve Austin finds trouble, and sometimes he don't. Well tonight, I think Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna find a little trouble!"
Here's some MEMPHIS MANIAX in the front row. Whoopee!
AL SNOW (with Head) v. RAVEN in a hardcore match - Raven tries to show up early, but Snow has eyes in the back of his head and superkicks him. Raven put into the scaffolding - but sidestepping another shot and Snow ends up hitting a light. Raven up on the EntertainmentTron scaffolding, on the left screen. Snow follows. Trading rights...Raven teetering on the edge...Raven's head meets the metal, again, Raven pokes Snow's eyes and jumps to a bundle of wires, sliding down to the ground. A rope ladder helpfully swings towards Snow, and he trapezes into the garbage can that Raven was wielding, into his head. Some retarded kid in the crowd: "What about Rayayayayayayeahhhhhh" Whip into a steel barricade is reversed and Snow lands hard. Garbage can DOES find Snow's head. And another can. Here's a (what kinda?) case to the head. Snow reverses a whip into the War Zone interview set. Gutshot, into a steel garage door. Forearm to the back, through a door, and looks like we're headed outside. Forearm in the back, right hand to a random passerby, Raven put into a file cabinet at the APA set. Snow shoves the file cabinet over, then bulldogs Raven onto it. Cover - referee "Blind" Jack Doan is still with them - 1, 2, no! Garbage can lid to the head. Into some tables. Snow dumps him into a garbage cart and wheels him into an 18-wheeler. Snow puts Raven back in the cart for another long trip...this time outside and run into a nearby car. Raven flies over the hood. At this point, TIGER ALI-SINGH & LO DOWN show up and beat up Snow. A car behind them blares its horn, so Lo Down go pull the driver and passenger out and beat them up. Meanwhile, Snow turns it against Singh, gutshot, into the back seat of the car. We take a look at Lo Down - what the heck are they doing? We look BACK at Snow, who's out cold with Raven nearby. Cover - 1, 2, 3. How confusing! (3:46) Snow is apparently unconscious...and we quickly find out why, as the camera pans over to a broken cinder block...
SmackDown! 2 ad #2
When we come back, it's another ambulance ride for another WWF Superstar.
At WWF New York, the three members of the Holly family meet and greet. "Should Commissioner Foley resign?" is the question for the man on the street...well, the man in WWF New York.
Our commentators are a pair of kings - LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER.
Foley wants to ride with Snow in the ambulance, but Vince catches up to him. Where the hell does he think he's going? "It's on your head, Foley!"
Foley decides to leave the ambulance. "Take good care of him! Take
good care of Al!" What's he gonna do next? Well, there's another ad break
between here and there before we find out. Are you like me, wondering if
we're gonna have a main event or not? We still need something for
Undertaker and Austin to do, right?
Hey, if Foley DOES resign....doesn't that just promote Debra? This would be better?
We take another look at the show opening video montage. Are they running short, or are they just cleverly trying to get you to order the encore without actually running a hard-sell "buy the encore" spot? And WHAT THE HECK IS THAT SONG?
"No Chance in Hell" starts up and the End *is* here - the THREE MUSKETEERS are out, and it looks like once again we'll be getting a main event...interview. It was mentioned earlier, but I forgot to write it down: Chris Jericho was also put on the injured list from last night's Last Man Standing match...and we haven't seen Kane tonight, either. All of this...just MIGHT be on Foley's head. "A lot has changed since last Thursday, when I demanded a divorce from my Commissioner Mick Foley-supporting wife, Linda McMahon - a lot HAS changed, and quite frankly, some of it for the better...some not. But before I take care of some official business here tonight, I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you for your heartfelt sympathies for me in this trying time in my life. Indeed, divorce is traumatic, and this is a traumatic time in my life - after all, considering my sensitivities...yes, billionaires have feelings, too." Sign in crowd: VINCE - IT'S CHEAPER TO KEEP HER "And quite frankly, as I come before you tonight, I must say that I am not necessarily proud of this organisation - I never thought I would say that. I'm not proud of the World Wrestling Federation at the moment - or at least, certainly not proud of its current commissioner. Because...because... ["Ass hole"] I don't deserve that! I'm not proud of a commissioner who forces six WWF superstars into a Hell in the Cell match against their own will...I'm not proud of a commissioner who shows no compassion whatsoever for my son-in-law, Triple H...["Fo Ley!"] I'm not proud of a commissioner who has absolutely no heartfelt feelings whatsoever for Rikishi. I'm not proud of a commissioner who's turned his deaf ears against my personal warning that this would happen. No, I'm not proud of a commissioner who doesn't care about the WWF superstars, and you're not, either - NONE of you are proud of him. And that's why it's time - it's time for a change. It's time for someone to come out here and do what he should do...it's time for Commissioner Mick Foley to walk out here in front of me and in front of all of you and effectively tender his resignation IMMEDIATELY! Come on, Mick Foley, I know you can hear me - get your fat ass out here and resign! Don't make me have to come back there for you--" Well, here *is* COMMISSIONER McFOLEY - maybe for the last time as commissioner? Vince walks closer and closer and their staredown continues...and he moves on. "Mick Foley - I don't want you to think that I derive any pleasure out of this...'cause I don't. Mick Foley, it's just that as the commissioner of the World Wrestling Federation, I THINK YOU SUCKHH. As a human being...that's something else. As a human being, you're not such a bad guy. But Mick Foley, as the commissioner, come on, there are lots of good reasons why you should resign here tonight. Not just because Vince McMahon wants you to...there are a lot of really good reasons, Mick Foley. But think about the kind of commissioner you've been. Come on, think about that. Just becuase you were willing to throw your body into reckless abandon, just because you were willing to go to limits no one has ever gone before, Mick Foley, you can't expect other superstars to do the same! Just because you were willing to give your life, damn near, to these WWF fans, you can't expect every other WWF superstar to do the same! My God, Mick...come on, let's think about this for a moment. It's not just because I want you to resign. There are a lot of other reasons, and let's talk about personal health, Mick. Let's talk about the anxiety attacks you've had lately - this has been a hellacious job for you, Mick Foley. You didn't really know what you were getting into. Credit where it's due, Mick Foley, you've given it your best. You've given it your best shot, but my God, it's just too much. It's a thankless job. It's too much. You've already paid your dues, Mick Foley. You don't have to pay any more. Not just because of your personal health, there are da-- indeed, other reasons...your family, Mick, come on. Remember? When you retired from this squared circle, that was supposed to be the time, Mick - that was supposed to be the time you spend with your family...all those lost years you weren't there for your children when they were growing up. This was the time, Mick - this was the time.
My God...your son
Dewey, your little girl Noelle, and what about the promises you made to
your beautiful wife Colette? She's pregnant, Mick. My God, where's your
head? Where are your values? Where's the balance in your life? And Mick
Foley, indeed, there are other reasons as well, not the least of which will
be...you're an honourable man, Mick Foley, I'll have to hand that to you.
You're an honourable man, and despite it all you've always done the
honourable thing. And that's all I'm asking you to do here, Mick. But
Mick, of all these important reasons, that brings me to the MOST important
reason why you should resign here tonight - I'd like to take you back and
roll some footage, Mick Foley. I want to remind you - I wanna remind you
of what you've said, Mick Foley. The most important reason of them all,
Mick. I think you'll remember this. I think you will, Mick. You know
what I'm talking about, Mick Foley? Huh? I'm talking about this piece of
footage - I'm talking about the piece of footage in which, Mick Foley, you
said, and I quote, 'if there is any serious injury to any of the WWF
superstars in this Hell in the Cell match, I will resign.' Do you remember
that, Mick?" (From SmackDown!: "But you have my word that if anybody
becomes seriously injured inside that Hell in the Cell, not only will I
take full responsibility...but I'll resign as WWF commissioner.") "Do you
remember those words, Mick? Mick, you've always been a man of your word.
We've not always seen eye to eye, but you've been a man of your word. And
that's why...hold my cane...that's why, Mick Foley, I expect you...to live
up to your word, Mick Foley. There's nothing fancy about it...there's no
idemnification of any lawsuit, just a strightforward resignation letter,
Mick Foley." Foley takes it. "Give back my cane, my leg's killing me.
Take the pen, Mick... Mick... shut up. Mick, don't listen to them,
listen to your conscience, Mick. You're a man of your word, Mick Foley.
You're an honourable man, Mick Foley. Just sign it...think about it, Mick.
Dewey and Noelle are watching - they want Daddy to come home, Mick. Don't
be fooled by these fans, they really don't give a damn about you! Come on,
Mick...Mick, sign it." Foley again looks to the crowd. "Sign it. Sign
it, Mick. Dammit, I said SIGN IT!" Foley puts the pen down...and grabs a
mic. "I think I've heard you talk long enough, Vince. I listened to every
last word you said...and it's all true. All of it's true! So I'm forced
to where...yeah, Vince...I may sign your letter of resignation...then
again, I may not. But if I do...if I do, there's one official act that I'd
like to complete first. And that act..." --the hell? It's
out in three-piece suit and tie! He receives Vince's mic. "On behalf of
someone who looks at the WWF with an objective view, the barbaric things
that go in day in and day out in this company are quite repugnant. I have
to agree with the distinguished Mr. McMahon, as he stands here with your
walking papers, offering them to you... and I know that I speak for each
and every one of the WWF superstars, although some of them won't say it to
your face because they're too scared, I am not. And I speak for all of
them - I speak for the injured Triple H and I speak for Rikishi, and I
*even* speak for Stone Cold Steve Austin himself, that ALL - that ALL the
WWF superstars here on contract, we demand - nay, we REQUIRE that you
resign effective immediately!" Well, of course that brings out
STEVE AUSTIN for some steppin' off and something
something gotta feeling
that William's about to be the recipient of a Well You Know. But first, a
short speech. "After what I've been through last night, if you don't get
your hand off that microphone, you're gonna draw back a bloody stump. Now I
appreciate the fact that you're gonna speak up for Stone Cold Steve Austin.
That's real nice of ya. The fact is, Stone Cold Steve Austin don't need
nobody speakin' up for him - especially some mealy-mouthed son of a bitch
like you. If I got a problem with anybody - (to Vince) if I got a problem
with anybody, and I don't care who the silly bastard is, I tell 'em right
to their face! As far as Commissioner Foley goes...if you want Mick Foley
to tear this resignation into little bitty pieces and shove 'em up Vince's
ass, and remain the World Wrestling Federation commissioner, gimme a hell
yeah. KICK WHAM STUNNER
#40 FOR REGAL - KICK WHAM STUNNER #41
FOR PATTERSON - KICK WHAT STUNNER
#42 FOR BRISCO - Vince turns away from
Austin...and gets Socko in the face! Play Austin's music! Bring up the
War Zone credits! Ross promises "Oh gee - what a SmackDown! Thursday night
we're gonna see!" Well, if we WERE running short, we certainly aren't now
- it's ten after as we fade out to the final WWF logo.
What was that final act? And what the HECK was Regal doing there, besides taking a Stunner? (Or was that it?) Maybe...maybe we'll find out Thursday!
Eh. If there was an audience to convert from Nitro, I don't know if this was the way to go. Of course, there *isn't* a Nitro audience to convert, so it may be a moot point. But how *about* Nitro? What will *WCW* do with the audience to themselves? Come back tomorrow and we'll find out together!