WWF RAW is WAR
WWF 17.81 (-
2.26 ... last year: 11 5/8), SPLN 6 9/16
(- 1 3/16
... last year: 36 3/4)
TONIGHT: Georgia's on our mind - the Fun Brothers take on the Dudley Brothers for the tag team championship! The Rock hits Rocklanta! All this and almost 25K on hand - NEXT!
Hmm, looks like the XFL is coming to TNN in 6 days. I almost missed that until I noticed they were *saturating* TNN with the announcement...amazingly, they *don't* alter the corner logo for RAW. Somehow, I have a sinking feeling they'll make up for the lack of XFL hype in the corner during the show...
Q: How do you make a "we got pop" promo even worse? A: Show a buncha XFL tailgaters in it!
TV-14-DLV-CC - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
LAST THURSDAY: Triple H added to the WWF Championship match meant Stone Cold Steve Austin had a front row seat. Go read the SmackDown! report if you missed Austin's assist on Hebner's three count
Opening Credits - let's get this party started right/quickly
It's the Georgiadome so you can bet the PYRO is just a little higher and a little brighter - close to twenty-five thousand in the house, transmitido en espanol SAP on the National Network, another sellout at WWF New York, and YOU and ME - it's LIVE 5.2.1 and there's no time to waste...
WWF INTERCHRISINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: MATT HARDY (with Lita & Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!) v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO - Jeff Hardy is *still* selling that stage to the floor table Buh Buh Bomb - he gets the night off. Herb Kunze asked me to ask you who the most over man in this match was...and then answer "Lita" for you. Before the match starts, the music hits one more time...and DEAN MALENKO steps out with an Iceman stare for Lita. He's staying on the stage for now. Lockup, to the ropes, to the corner...referee "Blind" Teddy Long forces the break. Lockup, side headlock by Jericho, chain wrestling to the hammerlock - back elbow by Hardy but Jericho holds on...Hardy runs to the ropes and Jericho goes through to the outside, but grabs the ankle and pulls him out - big chop, chop, gutshot, suplex on the floor! Shoved back under the bottom rope...Jericho up top...big back elbow off the top! 1, 2, Hardy kicks out. In the corner, kick, kick, kick, Hardy fires back - now they're trading punches - Jericho with a kick, into the opposite corner, following with a lariat. Backbreaker across the knee gets another 2 for Jericho. Hung up on top...Jericho going to the second tope - Hardy fighting the superplex attempt...and throws off Jericho! Hardy with a second rope clothesline and both men are down. Both men up at 3. Hardy ducks a clothesline, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Hardy hits the bulldoggin' clothesline. THE SHIRT'S OFF SQUEEEEEEAL - right, into the corner, reversed by Jericho, but Hardy gets a boot up to meet him - second rope Guns legdrop - 1, 2, Jericho kicks out! Malenko starts to run to ringside...then thinks better of it as Hardy makes a move his way. Blocked punch from Jericho, head run to the buckle, Hardy climbing up...Jericho crotches him, then pulls him backwards into the Proverbial Tree of Woe and starts stomping away. Long pulls him off - Jericho back to him. Long pulls him off AGAIN, then works to free Hardy while, behind his back, Lita climbs up the adjacent corner and hits the pendulum 'rana! Hardy hooks a leg - 1, 2, NO! Jericho put into the ropes, tries a reversal but Hardy holds on, gutshot, signalling for the Twist of Fate but Jericho hits a gutshot to halt the attempt...then takes him to the ropes, to the floor with a front suplex! In the process, Jericho gives *himself* a hot shot and goes down. At this point, Malenko inserts himself, barrelling over Hardy (and taking out Lita in the process) - Hardy sent into the ring. Jericho, having no idea what just happened, hits the bulldog, the Lionsault, and gets the pin. (4:48) Malenko gives another look to the fallen Lita. Is he gonna stalk her? Well, not with Hardy up - he grabs Malenko from behind and gets to choking - this brings out PERRY SATURN to turn it around...until *Jericho* joins the fray to turn it around. Both Radicalz are left laying and Jericho gets back in the ring, urging them to get back inside (and getting bleeped in the process). Whoa, EDDIE GUERRERO just came back, running out through the crowd and punking out Jericho from behind! Three-way stompdown ensues - Malenko grabs the IC title belt and waffles Hardy with it as he comes back in. Saturn with a double underhook into a powerbomb - yikes! Guerrero puts the title belt over Jericho's face and Malenko and Saturn hold him down. FROG SPLASH ON HIS FACE!! Looks like the Last Great Mullet in Wrestling is back. And he's got re-recorded music, too! Play it! NIPPLES came out somewhere in here as well, so let's note it. The three Radicalz emerge triumphant as we cut to replays of the end of the match...and post-match hijinks.
Hey look! The Rock is here! He's WALKING! He's walking right by KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY, in fact, coat off, bag down, and walking...always walking...I have a feeling we may hear from him NEXT!
Hmmm, I didn't expect thirty seconds of black screen! Who didn't pay their ad bill on time? (Maybe you were just spared another Rufus encounter.) Whoa, wouldn't that have been cool?
TNN found the ONLY woman interested in watching the XFL - leave it
to them to build a promo around her.
And now, the Burn of the Week, brought to you by Stacker 2! From SmackDown! Xtreme, the end of the WWF triple threat match...one more time
IF YA SMELLLLLLLL DOT COM has finally finished his long walk to the ring (hey, the Georgiadome is a big place!) and after posing at a few corners, it's mic time. Let's hope he keeps it short... "Now since the beginning of time, there's been some question that have remained unanswered. Why are we here? Are we alone in this universe? And the most asked question of all time is how can one man, Triple H, be such a bonafide horse's ass? You see, Triple H, last Thursday on SmackDown! you self - you got yourself involved in the Rock's match - the Rock's championship match. And you proceeded to get your ass whupped from here to next Sunday, but that's all right because see what happened, when you got involved in the Rock's match, so did...Stone Cold Steve Ausss-tin. And you see, Stone Cold Steve Austin, the Rock knows you did what you had to do, and the Rock knows that you hate Triple H just as much as the Rock. But the Rock wants you to keep something in mind, is when you took the referee's hands, and you counted 1, 2, 3, you screwed Triple H, yeah, no doubt, but you also inadvertently screwed the Rock. Well the Rock's gotta be honest with ya, if the situation were reversed, the Rock'd probably do the same thing to you, and the Rock knows that if Triple H didn't get involved, you wouldn't have gotten involved, so that brings the Rock right back to that candyass Triple H. You see, Triple H, you wanna play your little games - you wanna play your games on your time, or maybe you wanna play your games on your wife time, or maybe you wanna play it on your father-in-law's time, or maybe you wanna go all the way back home to Greenwich to your mother's house, kick out all the sailors and the little circus midgets that have been having their way with her all night long...kick them out and do it on her time, but the problem is, you play your little games on the Rock's time, so the Rock says this: seeing as you got involved in the Rock's match on SmackDown!, you cost the Rock on SmackDown!, the Rock has no choice but to return the favour. So the Rock is sayin' this: Triple H, if you wanna earn your title shot...if you wanna become the #1 Contender, well the Rock says why don't you come down the ramp, come to the ring and earn it against the Rock! Well, the Rock also realises you don't have a set of n(be ep)n your legs big enough to come out here by yourself, so the Rock says don't come out here by yourself, go ahead and bring that hoodrat trick you call a wife with ya! Go ahead and bring her, so the Rock can do exactly what he does best, and that's whip both your candyasses all over Atlanta!" But, alas, it's only STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT alone to provide response. I'd say something about her headlights, but of course I'm obsessed with her surgically-attached-to-her-hip left hand so I can't. "WHO the hell do you think you are, Rocky? I'll have you know---" "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa - what are you coming out here, getting all upset about? No need for all that drama, what are you upset... Why, because you have more balls thrown at you than Chipper Jones at batting practice?" Well now here *is* THE NEW MAN to relieve Stephanie of the mic. Thank God for THAT. "Rock, you wanna know WHY I was involved in that World Wrestling Federation championship match on Thursday? You know the match, Rock, the one that you say I had no business being involved in. Well, in case you've forgotten, let me remind you just who the hell I am. I am the man that has been kickin' your ass since the day you walked in this place, and as it stands right now, Rock, in this business, I am the best there is - I have no equal! And besides that, more importantly than all that, unlike you, Rock, I *earned* my shot at the title. Like I got Thursday night...and just as I was about to have my hand raised and become the five-time World Wrestling Federation champion, I was *screwed* by Stone Cold Steve Austin. Not you, Rock...me. Austin screwed me. Now...you wanna come out here and try to raise my ire, you wanna try to make me angry by comin' out here, and spewin' your little catchphrases, and your little cookie cutter insults. Save your breath, Rock, because after Thursday night I'm (beep) off enough for all of us. And since I can't kick Austin's ass right now, Rock, I'd like nothing better than to kick yours. You want a piece o' me? Be careful what you wish for, Rock - time to play the game." But just before H can remove his double jacket...KING KURT ANGLE is out to make goofy grins and stir the pot. "This is ridiculous! The two of you wanna have a match to see who will face me. Let me say this...very slowly...so even the two of you can understand. Neither...of you...can beat...me! It's really not a hard concept. Even 3% of the people here tonight who *actually* have a high school education can understand that! Oh, it's true. WrestleMania is set. Challenger Stone Cold Steve Austin will face Olympic Gold Medalist and WWF Champion Kurt Angle. Like that popular song goes...Whoomp! There it is. It's simple as that. So if the two of you wanna have a match to decide who will get beat by me again, go right ahead. But let's get this over with quickly, because honestly, the both of you are starting to bore the hell outta me. It's true, it's DAMN true!" And here comes BILLIONAIRE VINCE to provide the climax. I guess. "Well in the interest of bravado, in the interest of well, as raw testosterone, in the interest of what I believe fans all over America would like to see...be nice to me or you won't get a future XFL franchise! In the interest of fairness.." "Aw, please, spare the Rock o' that fairness crap! The Rock just wants to know whether or not he's got Triple H's candyass tonight. If he does, great, if he doesn't, he doesn't want to hear another twenty minute tirade. If he doesn't have Triple H tonight, then the Rock says why don't you go ahead and get him one of those brand new XFL red and black footballs...and as far as the Rock is concerned, he'll get paid to take it...and he'll get paid to take it even more, straight up your candyass!" "Before I was so rudely interrupted--" "Vince McMahon, sir, I'd just like to say I think you're always fair. I do, it's true, I do." "So tonight, In This Very Ring, Rock, you and Triple H want to have at it...you will. Oh, but not exactly like you think. You see, I think that Triple H should team with someone that he has a relationship with, so to speak. I think Triple H should team up here in Atlanta with Stone Cold Steve Austin. And I would like to remind my son-in-law, as well as Austin when he gets here, that the stipulations of your contract are still in effect, that is there can be no physicality between
the two of you...and it doesn't matter which one
starts it, if either one of you attacks the other one, you're suspended for
six months, Triple H, and Austin will lose his title shot at WrestleMania.
But I'm sure you'll find out some way to be an effective tag team here
tonight. And Rock, as far as your partner is concerned, your tag team
partner tonight will be...Kurt Angle." "That's not fair. Mr. McMahon,
that's not fair! The Rock...and me?" The music plays and McMahon walks
off. Angle still seems displeased.
XFL hype - Chicago vs. Los Angeles on NBC Saturday - TNN and UPN Sunday
Kurt Angle shills "SmackDown! 2: Know Your Role" for the PlayStation
XFL TNN pop promo - wait, so the NFL is yellow mustard, and the XFL is spicy brown importer mustard? Hmmm.
SuperBrawl Revenge promo in the local slot
Wow, immediately followed by a second SuperBrawl Revenge promo
Here's a look at the exterior of the Georgiadome
Our hosts are a pair of kings - LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER. During the break, we learned that the main event would be a no disqualification bout.
EDGE & CHRISTIAN (with Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! Xtreme) v. KAI EN TAI - Christian and Edge cut a Kai En Tai promo, complete with Japanese overdubs. I'd transcribe, but I don't speak the language meself. Rebuttal from Taka: "Fools! Your Japanese is an abomination! Translated accurately, you have just said you are going to so totally engage in sexual relations with a camel! We need not long hair or pretty sunglasses to defeat you because we reek of one thing, and one thing only..." Taka does some karate moves while the overdub guy makes "shhh" sounds. "...evil!" He passes the mic to Funaki, who is STILL holding his head from the Thursday Conchairto. "InDEED!" Kai En Tai hit the ring...and promptly get tossed around - Michinoku ends up on the floor, following the standard tag team match opening, allowing referee "Blind" Tim White to put Christian back to his corner, giving us the one-on-one. Funaki manages a right, left, right, Edge forearms him down. Edge slapping the back of his head and taunting him - right hand. Measured neckbreaker. Tag...holding him for an open shot from Christian. Stomp. Looks like a modified Dragon Sleeper, adding a knee in the back - Taka comes in with a kick to break it up. Rammed into the turnbuckle, tag to Edge. Scoop...and it's Tree of Woe time - free shot for Taka before he can come in. Edge & Christian climbing on opposite sides of Funaki and each man putting a foot on the groin. Yow. Edge makes the "I'll gut you" mocking pose to Taka. Tag to Christian. Fireman's carry takeover, kick between the shoulderblades. Cover, leg is hooked, Funaki kicks out at 2. Tag to Edge - into the ropes, Edge with a sidewalk slam while Christian adds some Slop Drop action into the combo. Scooped up - Taka in to dropkick the pile - 2 for Funaki! Edge clotheslines Funaki down quickly. Weider brings the Double Feature since Kaientai aren't getting too many moves in this match. Edge going for the suplex - Funaki flips over and lands on his feet - schoolboy gets 2. Edge with a big clothesline. Into the ropes, Funaki ducks the clothesline and manages a headscissors takeover. Both men are down. Funaki reaching for the tag...Edge trying to stop him - no! HOT TAG! Palm uppercut for Edge - one for Christian - dropkick for Edge, spinning heel kick for Christian, Edge into the ropes, reversed, head down, kick by Michinoku, bulldog by Funaki on Edge, drop toehold for Christian, camel clutch, bow dropkick by Taka! Michinoku Driver on Edge!! Cover...Christian pulls him outside the ring at 2. Taka blocks a head to the apron, gutshot for Christian, HIS head hits the apron. Funaki punching away on Edge...running at him, but Edge gets under him, dumping him into the corner...and unfortunately crotching a climbing Michinoku. Edge with the spear on Funaki and he's out. Christian back in and on top - superplex? No...Edge underneath him - it's the STACKPLEX! Christian covers - 1, 2, 3. (4:35)
Backstage, Stephanie bitches to the makeup lady - turns out the maid knocked on her door this morning and told her that she found "my mother's earring in my father's hotel room. You know, Jan, this isn't my mom's earring." As she goes on about the rendezvouses and the bubble baths, the one thing she hadn't had up to now is proof...but *this* is evidence! "My dad is making me sick...and it's time he and I have a little chat!" In the mirror, we see William Regal looking on...and making funny faces. That mirror must be a funhouse mirror because it's making his chin look large and distorted - my first thought was "whoa, what's Antonio Inoki doing here?"
Austin vs. McMahon is this months WWF Fanatic series presentation! Only $9.95!
Chyna shills Stacker 2 - gotta pay the bills *somehow!*
When we come back, we're with Vince, on the phone, ready to sneak in
as many off-topic shots as he can fit... "I don't care what the critics
have to say, they can go to hell, all right? All I care is if FANS enjoy
the XFL, that's all I care about. We had a, a 10 1/2 rating on NBC come in
- we had a 4 1/2 rating - whatever it was on U, fans are in love with the
XFL! But I don't care what the critics - uhhh, listen... Let me call you
back, all right?" Vince says if she has a problem with the match...but
Stephanie says it's not about the match. Once and for all, what's up
between he and Trish Stratus? "Would you calm down - I've told you over
and over, nothing's going on, dammit - we're just friends, just friends."
Stephanie produces the earring and asks for an explanation. Vince says he
doesn't think that's Trish's earring. Is it just me or is the soundtrack
and the video just *slightly* off kilter? Anyway, Stephanie said the
earring wasn't found in the living room, not the bathroom, but in the
bedroom. Asking if good friends just hang out in the bedroom, Stephanie is
denied an answer with a knock at the door - it's Regal. He thanks Vince
profusely for letting him use his room last night - there wasn't another
room in the whole town, and he was gracious enough to let him use his.
Regal turns to the spot of "rogering" he did last night, and it turns out
that there came missing a - "oh, I've been looking for that - thank you
very much indeed, dear, thank you, I'll make sure that gets back to the
rightful owner. Thank you once again, what a wonderful you are, you saved
me, thank you." "Thank you, William. Like I said before.....just friends."
Kevin Kelly meets a just-arriving Steve Austin and spills the beans about the main event. Austin says "well, we'll see about this" and takes off.
Meanwhile, the Kat knocks at the APA door. She was rudely interrupted last Thursday by the RTC. She wants to give her speech without interruption - she wants to start the Right to Nudity, see, and... anyway, the Acolytes ask about payment. She's got no cash. "Well, what *do* you have?" She undoes her raincoat. They decide than can make in exception in her case. "We can grope - HELP her." I wonder what Jacqueline thinks of this?
Meanwhile, The Dudley Boyz are WALKING!
Also, the Fun Brothers are WALKING!
SmackDown! 2 ad #2
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week, when Crash took a shellackin' from the Mysterious Woman in Black, saving Raven's hardcore title yet again.
Moments Ago, MICHAEL KING COLE caught up with a pacing Molly Holly - she's waiting for the Woman in Black to arrive so she can get the beating she owes her. Yikes, the picture and soundtrack are SO out of whack here. Molly reveals that she's 275 pounds - all muscle. "That's right, NOBODY dresses like a ninja and attacks a Holly! So tonight, I'll be out here all alone, if she's got any guts at all, she'll meet me right here."
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: KANE and ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' DOT COM (with RAW credits) v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ - the official attendance is announced at 24,567, for those who were curious. D-Von and Kane start - kick by Kane, right. Big sidewalk slam. Into the corner, boot up by Dudley, ducks a clothesline by Kane, right, right, right, into the ropes, but Kane holds on and hits a death suplex. Off the ropes, elbow MISSES - D-Von with a dropkick, drops the elbow, press, 2. Tag to Buh Buh Ray - block, right, block, right, block, right, into the ropes, reversed, back body drop by Kane. Kane going up top...flying clothesline hits - leg is hooked but D-Von saves at 2. Tag to Taker - holding him for an open kick. Head to the buckle, back elbow, soupbone, and they just bleeped whatever he shouted to referee "Blind" Mike Chioda. Dudley sneaks in a right, but Taker lands a bionic elbow. Into the opposite corner, follow lariat. Taker still on him - back to the first corner, let up by Dudley, but he runs into another clothesline. "Old school!" Hey, when he shouts that, you gotta PULL him off that top rope before
he can drive his forearm
between your shoulderblades! Into the ropes, big boot, off the ropes,
elbowdrop MISSES. Gutshot by Dudley, side Russian legsweep, free shot for
Kane to occupy Chioda's attention. Right for Taker, sweeps the leg, "What
are you doing?" Kane makes it in finally, but falls to a double flapjack,
and double clothesline out to the floor (landing on his feet). Signalling
for 3D for the Undertaker - into the ropes, but Kane pulls out Buh Buh Ray
while Undertaker DDT's D-Von. Tker covers - 1, 2, Buh Buh Ray *just* in
the nick of time with the save. Tag to Kane - open kick as Weider provides
a Double Feature. Kane measuring the back elbow for D-Von. Right hand.
Vertical suplex. Off the ropes with a big leg. Kane covers - Buh Buh Ray
saves at 2. D-Von tries a right, right, right, off the ropes, face right
into the boot, tag to Undertaker, open kick, back elbow, Weider Double
Feature of the foot to the face earlier. D-Von put in the corner...but he
comes out punching - right, right, right, into the ropes, Taker ducks, off
the rope with the flying clothesline - and AGAIN Buh Buh Ray has to save.
Taker puts D-Von into the ropes...head down, so Dudley manages a swinging
neckbreaker. HOT TAG to Buh Buh Ray! Right, soupbone, right, soupbone,
soupbone, soupbone, well you can't back and forth with the Taker. Into the
ropes, head down, kick by Buh Buh Ray - well, I think all that did was make
him angry. Dudley ducks the clothesline and hits a death suplex - 1, 2,
Taker just shoves him off. Right by Dudley, into the opposite corner...but
Taker has him in the choke. D-Von in to save, Kane in, and now all four
men have spilled outside. Chioda having NO luck restoring any order.
D-Von shoves Kane into the post after escaping a ride on his shoulder. In
the ring, Buh Buh Ray puts Taker into the ropes...but is caught in that
choke again - CHOKESLAM HITS! Oops, here come EDGE & CHRISTIAN with chairs
- Taker ducks the conchairto, soupbones for each man, WHACK for Christian -
he and Edge each roll out of the ring. Taker grabs the other chair...but,
seeing Chioda back in the ring, drops it and goes for a cover instead.
Chioda, meanwhile, has seen Undertaker wielding a chair and Buh Buh Ray
Dudley unconscious in the ring...and arrives at the only conclusion he
apparently can, calling for the bell. (DQ 8:02) Chioda wisely gets
Dodge lest he feel some wrath. No decision was announced, but they play
Undertaker's music, 'cause he lost.
It's the Rock's recording debut - if you can call it that - and so much more on "WWF: The Music (Volume 5)!" I'll bet he says "jabrone" a few times, too.
I'll say this: at least, they were smart enough to record many different XFL promos instead of playing the same one over and over
...whoops, except this one with the screaming tailgaters who pour beer on their meat and chant "ECW" - I mean, "XFL"
Geez, is this like three XFL spots in a row? Did anybody actually purchase ad time this week?
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago, or five paragraphs ago - our commentators seem to have put it all together, finally
Vince and Trish take turns remarking on how hot it is in here, then remove their jackets. Before moving to talk to Stephanie's unfounded accusations and conclusion jumping, Austin hits the room. Before Vince can start to explain the main event, Austin says he has no problem with the match - he loves the match! He just came in to check on Vince. "I didn't want you to think I was tryin' to screw ya." "You trying to screw me, tonight? Vince, it's pretty obvious you're trying to screw somebody else." Trish makes a Regal face. Ah ha ha!
ERNEST MILLER & THE ACOLYTES came out. Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! Xtreme, where full frontal nudity was narrowly averted. "Thanks to the Right to Censor, freedom of expression is becoming a thing of the past. Well I can't stand by and let that happen - the human body is a beautiful thing and should not be wasted behind layers and layers of clothing. What the RTC calls 'scantily clad women' - well I call that a woman's right to express herself. I believe it's time we said NO MORE to the Right to Censor and say hello to a new group - the Right ot Nudity. After all, we come into this world naked, why can't we come into this ring naked? Why can't we come into this arena naked? Why can't we walk the streets naked? You've been programmed into believing that nudity is dirty, and only appropriate when the lights are down. That's not living! That's not freedom! The Right to Nudity will finally break the shackles and allow us to be ourselves - our NAKED selves!" This just in: Mideon released. Just before the raincoat comes off, RIGHT TO CENSOR come out en masse - the Acolytes stop most of them, but Richards makes it into the ring. "Who do you think you are? You're nothing! Nothing but a little - a little - a little (beep)! Sl(beep)! You're a--" and Kat applies Greco-Roman liplock...distracting Richards enough to totally eat a Hades lariat from Bradshaw. Kat starts to undo the straps again...but Ivory forearms her in the back. Kat chases *her* backstage...the Acolytes' music plays...
Richards is still out. How confusing! Replays of the kiss
("Slut" doesn't get beeped ONCE during the replay) and the clothesline.
Backstage, Molly is doing pushups (up to 80 - SURE) as Raven walks up. "You know, for YEARS I thought my family was screwed up. I gotta thank my parents for not being related." "Hey, enough talk. Is your woman coming or not?" "She's comin'. She's not my woman. I don't have a woman....yet." Oooh, he just lovingly stroked her face! She didn't like it, though.
When we come back, we're with Vince and Trish again. Vince is trying to explain football to Trish. He's the quarterback and she's the center. Oh for cryin' out loud. Anyway, Al Snow interrupts at an inopportune moment - Trish was just leaving anyway - she's going to be in Kurt's corner. "Let's not forget your little jacket - make sure we don't leave things hanging around, okay? (wink) All right. What brings you here?" "Look, Vince, I know we haven't had really a chance to talk. I know you're a man who's, is really fair, and I believe in this fairmindedness thing, but...I don't know, I mean, I'm really not comfortable, I saw what happened after I was off with my friend Mick Foley and what you did to him, and..." "Mick Foley?" "I just can't agree with it. I really, Vince, I think we should sit down and talk about this, I mean, I just - I know you care about the employees of this company, and I know you would care if I did not feel right..." "Look, I don't care about Mick Foley...but I do care about you, as a matter of fact you're competing tonight." "I am?" "Absolutely. And, good luck to you." "Really?" "All right, absolutely! Go get 'em, tiger!" Snow leaves. I was waiting for Vince to say "Who WAS that?" but instead he scoffs "Mick Foley" instead.
Meanwhile, we look back at Molly - a car squeals into the picture - Molly removes the driver, puts her into the car, kicks away...is the mask coming off? Well, no - Raven makes the save...Molly with a low blow to take him out, but that was enough time to give Mystery Woman (hey, you don't think it's Mystery, do you?) the chance to kick Molly, and backhand her with martial arts (hmm). Raven tossed into the back seat, and she drives off. Molly is left laying.
WWF Shop Zone Dot Com ad
SmackDown! 2 ad #3
TNN XFL, XFL, XFL - 6 days, you know
Earlier Tonight, Michael King Cole taped a locker room interview with Too Cool. Tonight they face the Islanders. Hotty: "See, that's just the thing, Michael Cole. Rikishi was more than just a part of us - he was a friend, man. And the Rikishi that goes out there today is not the same Rikishi that danced with us and took every arena across this country and turned it upside down." Sexay: "Hey, later for Rikishi, man. If he wants to go and hang with his new homey with the footlong fro, that's fine. We don't need him. But I'm gonna give you the straight up, Michael Cole, listen. We know Rikishi better than anyone. We know his strengths and his weaknesses--" Haku breaks in and raves something in Tongalese. Rikishi laughs and says "Riiiiiiiiight. Sup Scotty - Grandmaster." You can't exactly cut the tension with a knife, but...
ISLANDERS 2001 (with Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! Xtreme) v. TOO COOL (with RAW is WAR is brought to you by Weider, Burger King, and Snickers Cruncher!) - Highlights of the First Blood match, which I found to be pretty damn good, apparently making myself and Jim Ross the only 'Net columnists to think so publicly.Rikishi starts right off with a big shove for Sexay. Sexy pop back up with a kick, right, right, right, whip is reversed, Sexay ducks, flying jalapeno! Sunset flip attempt - buttdrop counter MISSES - tag to Hotty. Seated dropkick by Hotty, double poser elbowdrop. Hotty with a right, right, right, off the ropes, hiptoss attempt, no go, flippy flippy by Hotty but for naught - big clothesline by Rikishi. Tag to Haku - double thrust. In the corner, hundred hands by Haku. Big headbutt! Hotty pulls himself up - Haku helps - BIG chop, chop, HEADBUTT! Tag to Rikishi. Hotty blocks a right, right, right, right, Rikishi pops him one to stop that. Into the corner hard and Hotty falls hard. Into the first corner - Rikishi warms it up - TOO CLOSE CLOSEUP - Hotty avoids the avalanche. Tag to Sexay, right, right, right, into the corner is reversed, but Sexay gets the boot up - Hotty with a superkick to put him down - Haku in with a big boot to Hotty - he rolls out - Haku tries to go after him but Sexay crotches him as he goes through the ropes. Got the goggles - up top - but Haku crotches *him* before he can go airborne!
Meanwhile, Rikishi finally up - but Hotty is in - there's the
bulldog - and there's the Worm! No sooner has the karate chop landed than
Haku is back in, and Hotty is quickly tossed out. Sexay trying to go up
again - Hip Hop Drop *lands*, but he pulls up at 2, spotting Haku trying to
come in - he *really* should have gotten the 3 before going for Haku -
maybe Haku missed another cue, who knows. Anyway, Haku blocks the right
and goes for the throat - Sexay staggers back into a BELLY-to-belly from
Rikishi. Dragged to the corner - it may be time - but Hotty is over -
right, right, right, no effect. Rikishi headbutts him off the apron, then
completes the Banzai Drop to pin Grand Master
Sexay. (3:53) Rikishi has a hearty
Kurt Angle is WALKING! And it looks like he's trying to find his tag team partner as well. Instead, he finds... "Ah - Essa Rios! Thank goodness. Hey, you still work for the company? Congratulations!" "(Something in Spanish)" "Yeah, that's great. I'm looking for the Rock's dressing room. Do you know where it is?" "(Take a right at the milk.)" "Thanks. Hey, remember the three I's - Intensity, Integrity, and Intelligence. Hey, welcome back!"
XFL ad #2 - as read in Phil Mushnick!
Chyna shills Stacker 2 - again
TNN XFL TNN FFWD
When we come back, Angle finds the Rock. "Let's be smart here!" Just because Austin and Triple H will have lots of problems, doesn't mean *they* have to have problems. If he keeps his head on straight and concentrates on winning the match, they'll do just fine. In fact, if he does *really* well, he could talk to McMahon about getting him in another #1 Contender's match! He offers the hand of friendship...and Rock takes it! But he doesn't let go. "One second. Let the Rock ask you a question. The Rock does all you ask him to do tonight - will that make you happy?" "Well, yeah - that'll make me REAL happy." "Good, 'cause that's exactly what the Rock is going to do - that's exactly what the Rock wants. The Rock wants to make you happy. The Rock wants to make you VERY happy. 'cause you see, Kurt, regardless of what happens in tonight's match, the Rock is gonna take your WWF title. Not tonight, maybe not this week...but it's gonna be a lot sooner than you think. And you know what's funny? You know what's really gonna make you happy? There's not a damn thing you can do about it. Do you understand the Rock? Do you understand...*me?* The countdown is on, Kurt. Your days of being champion...days of being happy...are coming to an end." He walks off, leaving Angle...aghast. Angle pats his belt for reassurance...but doesn't seem to be getting it...
AL SNOW (with Head) v. ? - Bolts vs. Hitmen on TNN this Sunday. The mystery opponent is CHRIS BENOIT. I'll bet this isn't exactly Double Tables, neither. Lockup, to the corner, Snow in control...referee "Dancin'" Chad Patton tries to force the break, Benoit punches over him - kick, into the corner, Snow kicks, back and forth with kicks and punches, and chops, and golly it's fast. Now it's only Benoit doing the kicking. Patton pulls him off - Snow reverses positions and now HE'S doing the punching. Whip out, Benoit holds on, gutshot, shoulder into the ringpost! Overhand forearm by Benoit. Into the opposite corner is reversed, Benoit sternum first, backing into a big Snow forearm. Right hand. Going for a whip, but Benoit yanks the arm down. Snow tossed out. Benoit follows...and Snow starts attacking again with kicks and punches - Benoit runs him shoulder-first into the STEEL steps. Stomp by Benoit, stomp, stomp. Snow actually had his foot wedged under the steps - yow. Benoit rolls Snow back in - Snow with a right, Benoit with a right, right. Into the ropes, armbar takedown. Into the ropes again, big forearm puts Snow down. Benoit has picked his shoulder and arm, looks like. Snow put into the ropes again, but he slides under, holding the pumphandle, into a variation of the belly-to-back! Both men are down - and up at 5. Snow right, right, right, into the ropes, clothesline. Snow holding his left arm. Snow headbutting Benoit's arm, into the ropes, backdrop. Scoop...and a slam. Snow signalling - he's going up - moonsault! Going up for a SECOND! 1, 2, KICKOUT!! Benoit kicked out after two moonsaults? SNOW IS BEING HELD BACK! Snow headbutts the shoulder again, kick, into the opposite corner, reversed, Snow slides out before hitting the buckles, running at Benoit who sidesteps, Crippler crossface! Snow gives it up. Nice match, that. (San Jose 4:08)
Watching on a monitor is Vince McMahon. "I certainly hope Mick Foley is enjoying this as much as I am, way to go, in the interest of fairness." Wow, what feeling! There's a knock - it's Stephanie. She thinks Austin has something up his sleeve - he's way too calm tonight. She thinks Austin would actually blow his title shot if it got H suspended for six months. Anyway, she (and Hunter) think there should be a special stipulation for the match at No Way Out. Vince doesn't want to hear it - he tells her to tell her husband, and to follow the advice herself - "just chill out."
Chyna's "If They Only Knew" ad - has it hit the New York Times bestseller list yet? Ah ha ha.
Hmmm, forget what I said about them not repeating the TNN XFL spots
At WWF New York, Chyna shills her book. She says it's been difficult not being able to compete, but she's been able to hit practically every TV show out there to promote her book. Fans: "Wassup!"
Our hosts bash the USA Today columnist who had problems with their XFL commentary - "I'll bet Rudy's not married, and if he is married, I'll bet his wife's best friend runs on batteries." "He does like the happy hour."
XFL highlight package - I have the Xtreme/Demons game on tape but God knows when I'll get to it
Why do they keep opening backstage segments with "three?" Anyway, Triple H rants and raves - what did Vince say about the stipulation? Steph says he didn't even hear it - he wants them to calm down. Austin walks in at this point. "Hi, partner! Put 'er there, we gotta get goin' for the tag team match. Anyway, good luck. Nice hair Steph!"
Kurt Angle and Trish are WALKING!
Meanwhile, the Rock is WALKING! Too bad the cameraman was napping - he missed it completely
Triple H shills Weider Dynamic Penis Shrinker
SmackDown! 2 ad #4
And one more TNN XFL promo
The Hardy Boyz rip it to the extreme by eating Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Ravioli
IF YA SMELLLLLLLL and KING KURT ANGLE (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) v. THE NEW MAN (with Stephanie Can't Act & Weider Sports Nutrition presents No Way Out in just about three weeks!) and STEP OFF DOT COM - this'll either be a short match or this show is going WAY long. Austin is between corner pose one and
corner pose two when we turn the hour.
Then, he crosses us up by punking out Angle with two corners to go.
Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner puts Triple H and Rock in their corners while
Austin unleashes a barrage of rights and kick/stomps on Angle. Into the
ropes, back elbow by Austin, off the ropes with the patented elbowdrop,
into the ropes, Angle ducks the back elbow, but not the Thesz press.
Austin with ten quick rights - looking to H - then going back to Angle.
Angle sat on top - SUPERPLEX!! Going to tag Triple H - well, that's more
of a slap in the back. H comes in and stares down Austin. Looks like
they're allowing Rock to tag in. Sure enough, Rock is up behind H, still
occupied with his own partner...turning around to eat a right, right,
right, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT - no, H puts a finger in
the eye. Now *that's* a thinker! Right by Triple H, right, right, right,
right, into the ropes, head down, kick by Rock, I owe you a KISS THAT RIGHT
and Rock is a little quicker spitting in his hand this time. Right, into
the opposite corner is reversed, but Rock pops out with a clothesline.
Right hand, into the ropes, head down, facebuster by Triple H. Rock ducks
a clothesline, gutshot, DDT. Waiting for him to get up to give him Rock
Bottom...but too close to Angle, who reaches way out and slaps Rock's
shoulder to tag himself in. Rock and Angle chat...Rock turns to leave,
then pulls Angle back to deck him one. H picks up the pieces - snap
suplex. Hard slap to Austin. "Get his ass!" Austin gives H a look - then
chokes Angle on the second rope. Boss Man straddle. Into the ropes,
spinebuster! "I got his ass!" Into the ropes, KICK WHAM but Angle shoves
him off. Angle runs at Austin, who dumps him over the ropes to the floor -
and follows. Scoop...and dropped on the barricade. Rock had entered the
ring to get a better look...then decides to bring Triple H into the ring
and throw some rights - there's a spinebuster. Again he's poised to give
Triple H Rock Bottom - Angle back in with a forearm to his own partner!
And a right for Triple H as well. Huh? WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW is
I was *wondering* why we hadn't heard from him tonight. Angle tosses Rock
through the ropes, where Show is happy to get to maulin'. Well it's a big
forearm to the head, well it's a big short clothesline, well it's the Final
Cut on the floor! Show leaves Rock laying as the REFS come out. Angle
watches this with a big smile...but forgot about Austin, who hits him from
behind. Head to the buckle...well, to the rope. Right. Tossed to the
floor. Triple H is outside and after Angle - head to the commentary table.
Austin out as well, now - Angle's head to the commentary table. Now H, now
Austin, now H...I don't think Angle is liking this too much. Rock has been
led out of the picture by the gaggle of refs. Back in the ring, Austin
wants to do some more damage but Hebner seems to think Triple H is the
legal man - I'm pretty sure he's wrong (and, amazingly, so does Ross) so
Austin is forced to the corner. Right by H, right, into the ropes, H ducks
the clothesline but falls over the top rope to the floor - was Austin
lowering the bridge, and if so, was it inadvertant? Austin down to the
floor to check on his partner...H shoves him away. H rolls back in (Austin
patting his back - heh) and Angle is on him with stomping, right, right,
right, right, into the opposite corner, H ducks the clothesline and hits
the hangman's neckbreakaer. Weider Double Feature shows Austin pushing
down on the top rope as H fell - just looks like cleverness to me.
Meanwhile, H is reaching for the tag...but Austin walks to the adjacent
corner just as H nears him! Austin helpfully holds out the hand, but
Triple H turns back to Angle...who catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex.
Austin back to the original corner. "Triple H, come on!" Angle outside
for a STEEL chair - H manages a kick in the gut before he can swing it -
there's the PEDIGREE! But Austin is in the ring, fully taking Hebner's
attention away from the hooked leg behind him. H back up...heated words
for Austin - Austin with a double bird. H takes a swing at Austin (!) but
he ducks it. ANOTHER double bird for H! H is *livid* and the crowd is
loving it. Angle up from behind with an uppernut for Triple H - WHACK!
Austin is so shocked that all he can do is stand there and watch Angle pin
him - 1, 2, 3! (7:51) Austin
comes in - KICK WHAM STUNNER for Angle. Now
throw me beer!Austin chases Stephanie halfway around the ring, then heads
up the ramp with a beer in each hand. Stephanie in to check on her husband
- Trish in to check on Kurt Angle - did they just share a staredown? Who
knows, let's look at Austin instead. Credits are up, WWF logo is up, 11:08
is up, I am down. See you later!
AFTER THE FACT: jc checked in! Chris,
I was at the Dome in Atlanta for RAW. Here's what I saw:
Pre-show, lots of XFL shill on the TitanTron. Then we're treated to some Chyna's "If they only knew (I pee standing up)" shill on that very same really really big screen. Most of the folks in my section were distracted from this by a couple of chesty bims in my section who were teasing nudity. Then we got:
Brian Keys vs John Evans: Keys is a really sctuffy lookin white guy, John looks kinda like Marty Jannety. Requisite first-match "BORING" chants during this one. I gave 'em a minute or two, but the crowd was right on this one. Evans won it in controversial fashion with a sunset flip. It looked like a 2 count, but the ref said 3 and called for the bell. I think they were sucking so bad that he was given word to end it, quickly. Biggest move of the match: a powerslam.
No Entrance vs K-Kwik: Let's NOT get 'rowdy', k? Kwik gets the crowd going for 2 seconds with some clapping. They do some stuff that looks like wrestling, dropkick puts NE out of the ring, tope suicida by Kwik! Back in, gets 2. Neck breaker for NW. Jukin & jivin for Kwik. Kwik goes for a Thesz press, countered to a DVD! That gets 2 for NE. NE blows a mid-ring 'rana for kwik by NEVER LEAVING HIS FEET and instead just falling on his face. Facefirst Falcon Arrow finishes the jobber in yellow tights.
Jakked/Metal: Hayes, Coach, Hermie, & someone else(?) come out to mild applause. Most of it is for hometown boy Hayes. Thankfully, MH does NOT sing the national anthem as he did last time.)
Big (al)Bert vs Onyx (w/ entrance but NO music): I smell SQUASH! Onyx looks like Elix Skipper. Oversell triple-spin clothesline for O. Squash in the corner for O. O tries something from the top, but Bert just swats him to the mat on the way down. Gorilla press/slam. Choke & Albertbomb finish it. Bert wasn't his usual noisy-ass self tonight.
Essa Rios vs Kid Romeo: Crowd actually pops a little for Essa. Former WcW Power Planter looking for a job gets hearty boos from the crowd. Essa gives Romeo a drop toehold out which sends him sliding out of the ring. Romeo counters a 'rana w/ a forward powerbomb. Moonsault finishes for Rios. Good match.
MORE XFL shill on the TT. I liked the games, but dammit, STOP THE ADS!
No Entrance #2 vs Rockabilly: Yawn. NE2 has the same tights as NE1, but a bigger gut. Dropkick puts NE2 out of the ring. Jackhammer. Drop crapper finishes it. Stretch.
Da Fink brings da shill: An ordinary pair of gloves? No, look at this teeny logo, it says "American Badass"! Oh boy I gotta have 'em. And Austin's newest shirt, whoopee!
Speakin of Taker here's the video for 'Rollin'. Everyone seems to think he's comin out NOW or something. This thing w/ MTV sux, yo.
Not that far away, sez the Fink. 30 seconds? More like 10 minutes. Graphic sez Duds vs The Kanertaker tonite!
Hmm, another NE(#3) vs, um, noone... Hmm, must be running short of time
And here's Gillian Marcia - She stands there a lot. And smiles. And sings the NA. Shitty announcer, beautiful voice.
an' here's JR. & The King.
Lilian sez some stuff.
"Rocky" chant. FOR WHAT?,
DAMN it's loud in here. Marks pop for the freakin' RECAP PACKAGE, for cryin' out loud!
And BOOM but the pyro's not as loud up top.
I was going to cap the whole show but I know you can handle the televised portion. I will say, though, that I watched VERY closely when Kane was coming out to see if anything happened to the steps. And indeed, a couple of the ring crew moved the steps while Kane made his entrance. That's it? That's the BIG MYSTERY? Ah shit... Also, during the last commercial break a fight broke out in the section below us, and the instigator was escorted out. Chants of "nahnahnahnah, heyheyhey, goodbye" could probably be heard when we went back live for the main event...
What you didn't see because you weren't there live and in person (WYDSBYWTL&IP): Austin waited for HHH to get up, then kick wham stunner #whatever. Hey, methinks Austin just blew his title shot. Hmmm... Drink s'more beer, Steve. HHH & Angle play dead till Austin leaves. They get up, HHH wants to shake? Scratch that, kick wham pedigree, play that crappy new song of his. Lilian sez thanks and goodnight.
Other interesting tidbit: I work for Georgia's Department of Juvenile Justice. Well, I received a memo yesterday that we have a new Procurement Officer in Financial Services. That man is... Scott Hall.
Pssst, I hear the XFL hits TNN in six days. Keep it under your hat.